Girl's Night Out Mark II
DHalpin's note: Keep in mind for this story Illyana, and the others are rather drunk off their ass on chaos at this point, not to mention booze and possibly a few other substances as well (after all I'm sure a few went to the ladies room to power their nose, or whatever those of the clan female actual do in there and we are talking Harley and Ivy here who likely have a few party favors).
The wine that the group had ordered did give Bruce an idea for a rumor of a possible foppish antic to help re-enforce the idea of Bruce Wayne as a playboy.
Thanks as always to LordGrise for both reviewing, suggestions, and his Penguin contributions. The delay in publishing is in part due to LordGrise having higher priority personal tasks to do and I refrain from publishing this story, or Mother Of Darkness, without his contribution and agreement.
Part 13a: THREE DAYS LATER
Bruce looked over the attached hospital admission form for Harvey (A.K.A Two-Face). Moderate dehydration, several dozen lacerations which were all healing and looked like they'd not leave any scars, exhaustion, some embedded glass lodged in the gluteus maximus that had to be removed, and a grin on his face that disturbed the doctors. So apparently a yes on Harvey having a good time.
Then he examined a police report of an altercation and a fire at a biker bar. A man and a woman had entered, both with scars on their faces; the patrons had been… call it antagonistic, to the presence of the two. Unsurprisingly, a fight had developed, and unsurprisingly the two outsiders had won. The report noted that the bar had caught fire during the fight, according to several witnesses.
Oracle had gotten her hands on the bar surveillance and Bruce choked on the water he was drinking as he viewed the footage; which did at least explain how Harvey had gotten glass in his ass cheeks. Bruce had to give Harvey credit, not everybody could brag that they'd been sexually ridden like a stallion on the surface of a bar while said bar was burning down around him. Bruce shook his head in disbelief, great… just great, Harvey finds a girlfriend who was more extreme then he was.
Bruce paused, then again… there was a good chance that Harvey may have shifted in his obsessions.
Which… might be even worse.
Part 13b: Prelim to departures
And so the evening went on. More songs were sung by Leonard, and more alcohol and tasty nibbles were consumed. And from Oswald's perspective, thankfully no more interruptions.
Lucie ended up taking Mazikeen's empty chair and sitting next to Jubilee, who was beyond okay with that. Suffice it to say that He kept whispering… suggestions to her that she appeared to find quite interesting if her giggles were any indication.
But the group conversation was far from over as Jubilee enthused about an idea she had involving the Lord of the Rings
"Who's the worst actor to play a character in Lord of the Rings Films?" Enthused Jubilee."
Illyana just had a questioning look, not one of misunderstanding but… call it disinterest. Illyana was not a fantasy fan for the most part.
Dani on the other hand loved Tolkien. "Worst? What the heck Jubs? Who would want the worst when they had that guy who played Aragon, that Viggo Mortensen guy… Man, talk about being a Stud… I mean, I'd totally do…" With that Dani went silent and drank some of her wine as she felt she'd been sharing a bit too much.
Jubilee was on roll, and one supposes a role as well. "Worst, not the best. And I'll start. I pick Cher for Galadriel!"
"What!?" Was Dani's outraged outcry as she spit out her drink.
Selina thought for a moment and then "Jerry Seinfeld as Sauron."
Cassandra likewise had a suggestion, and a verbose one as well. "Arnold Schwarzenegger as Merry, dressed as the terminator, guns and all. And Sylvester Stallone, dressed as Rambo, as Pippin, again with the guns."
Dani recoiled. "No… stop… Images so… bad."
Harley was game. "Eddie Murphy as Legolas, wearing a blond wig."
Cassandra and Selina both ohhh'd in awe at the awfulness of the choice. Then Ivy added some garnish and a selection. "And of course he keeps dropping out of character… Hmm… How about Woody Alan as Aragon?
Just gagging sounds from Dani at the horror.
"Shaq O'neal as Samwise?" From Cassandra.
"Snoop Dogg as Elrond?" From Laura.
"Anthony Hopkins as Gollum?" From Harley.
"Nooooooooooooooo!" Wailed Dani, striving to remove the thoughts from her head. "You're destroying my childhood."
"Jack Nicholson as Bilbo?" Stated Lucie. "Always liked Jack, would have loved him as John-Luc Picard in Star Trek, they really missed an opportunity by not casting him in the role; just imagine the character interpretation he would have brought to the screen. Make it god damned so Number one."
"Monty Python cast as the Nazgul!" Giggled Jubilee.
"Stop, please no more." Begged Dani, although her horror was being replaced by laughter.
And then Illyana hit it out of the park. "Howard Stern, in the role he was born to defile, is Gandalf."
And that was that… I mean… How do you top that?
"The transvestite Sister Boom Boom as Frodo." Was Dani's answer, and I guess she rather did top it.
And some where… some when… in a most defiled and perverse locality of reality, due to the ever rising intensity of the chaos field… It was so.
BEGIN REALITY SWITCH
"I can't go on a quest in this." Sniffed Frodo. "Quests need fall colors and I have nothing but a spring ensemble and that will just not do."
"I don't be knowing that Master Frodo." Ah shucked Samwise as he tried to sit in a real hobbit sized chair, only to smash it to bits.
"Adrian!" Screamed Pippin as he unleashed a full belt from his thirty cal machine gun into the pantry; how dare there be no Stilton!
Gollum just had to add a correction. "I do say sire, not only is that the wrong thing for your character, I must offer the observation that adding spikes to a gun does not in any way make it medieval."
"I'll be back." Said the black leather clad Merry as he went off to find some shades so he'd look extra cool.
"This sword is just too heavy." Complained Aragon. "Can't we just re-break it? It was much lighter when it was broken."
"Damn bunch of honky crackers. Don't you be looking at my ass, it get hot if anybody of you look at it too long" Snorted Legolas as he took a puff of his cigarette, only to then remember to put on the blonde wig as he recited. "Green are the leaves I leave in Mirkwood… Shit… doesn't this Mother Fxxxer have any good lines?"
Bilbo of course had a bit of criticism. "Frodo you dumb piece of crap, stop wearing the ring as an earring!"
Elrond spoke after a long toke. "Well… shittttt. Speaking of which, I got little pouch of it right here, have a hit of this… I call it Elvish Wisdom. Don't bother with that Hobbit weed, this is the good stuff."
Sauron, or at least his really big burning eye spoke off screen. "Damn… um… does anybody have any Visine? I think I a got a lash stuck and now everything's red. And why is it called More Door anyway? Are we stealing doors now?"
And that's when the Nazgul burst in and began to do a nobody escapes the Mordor inquisition sketch.
The actual Gimli spoke to the actual Boromir. "See… dwarfs never get respect. Can't even get a sarcastic version of myself."
Boromir's answer was less then pleasing to Gimli's ears. "What… like having Roseanne Barr play your part? At least she'd be more attractive, even if she had a beard."
"Nobody disrespects a dwarf!"Shouted Gimli as he waved his axe about. "I'll have your ears for that! Why… why… let Macaulay Culkin play your part!"
Meanwhile a radio was playing in the background... "And welcome back to the Gandalf radio show... Today I have a special guest for you. It's Galadriel! Let's just cut to the chase babe, time to unwrap those goodies and show us your fun pillows."
On the plus side, electricity was free in that universe because the corpse of Tolkien was connected to a generator, meaning that yes, he was turning over in his grave at light speed.
END REALITY SWITCH
Dani gave a kind of snorting laughter. "Thank God that's not possible."
Part 13c: Some conversations
"So… you're an actual Psychiatrist?" Asked Dani of Harley.
"Doctorate and everything." Sighed Harley. "And lots of experience on both sides of the doctor patient relationship, not to mention unique… field research."
"So… was Freud right?"
"About what?"
"You know, the whole penis envy thing that woman are supposed to have."
"O'll Sigmund really helped create Psychiatry and he did have lots of insight into how sex figures into lots of aspects of our internal self and motivations."
"So he was right?"
"Naaa, just describing women in a suppressed society. Wanting to be in control meant you wanted to be a man so you must want a dick. Not really applicable anymore in our sociality. Although…" Harley thought about her preference for a huge mallet and baseball bats. "There… might be some… valid examples."
Dani gave laugh. "So does my .50 cal Barrett sniper rifle count?"
Harley's response was confusing. "Does it have a flame thrower?"
"Why on earth would you put a flame thrower on a sniper rifle?"
"Just asking, it's not really a phallic symbol if it's missing a flame thrower."
"Hu?"
"Trust me honey, who's the doctor here? Although a grenade launcher will do in a pinch."
"Um…."
Dani was saved as it were by Selina's astonishment at viewing the Master Ken video of one hundred groin strikes (Jubilee had it saved on her phone). Much giggling resulted and discussion, but then Jubilee noticed the ad at the end of the video.
You too can now posses the wisdom of Master Ken by buying The Dow of Master Ken volume 1 by 11th Degree Black Belt Master Ken. Followed by a shot of Masker Ken holding the book and saying "Buy my book!"
"Oh My God!" Exclaimed Jubilee. "He has a book! We've got to get it!"
Illyana, feeling very relaxed, held out her hand and Jubilee passed her the phone. Illyana reviewed the ad and then pulled her phone out (from somewhere). A few clicks and the page on Amazon is shown. She bought it and hit the Hell Lord deliver it now option (only available for those with the special app).
Moments later a waiter came up to the table holding a package. "Um… we just got a package for this table?"
Jubilee eagerly took the box, unwrapped it, and ta-da! The wisdom of Master Ken's was hers! She turned to a random page and… the thrust of freedom was shown, pictures and all!
Put your hands on her hips and:
You can thrust to left, or right
Thrust behind, and more importantly
Thrust forward!
Practice makes perfect so, to practice put your arms out and your butt cheeks back, then pull your arms back and thrust your pelvic forward at a slightly uplifted angle. Do this repeatedly until you achieve mastery.
1: Say some ruffian rolls up on you and applies a front bear hug without consent.
2: Place your hands on his hips and cock your thrust (put your butt back).
3: Apply a front thrust to his groin area. If you've been conditioning this part of your body by thrusting small trees, concrete walls, or piles of sand then this should cause him more pain then it causes you.
4: When he drops to a knee from the intense pain make sure to align his head with your hips for a second frontal thrust.
5: Deliver a front thrust to the face. This move will be the finishing blow!
6: As he lies stunned, feel free to stomp the groin.
All at the table were stunned, but likely for different reasons.
Part 13d: Oswald
While everyone was giving rapt attention to the elopement of the two-faced woman, Two-Face slung over her shoulder and cursing mightily, Penguin exited upstage left out the actual door of the masked box. He wasn't terribly concerned about the box being exposed; the fact of their existence was something of an open secret… but it would be mildly embarrassing to be publicly noticed seated with Two-Face as he detested having to use an alibi unnecessarily…
Once clear of the room, he made his way to the kitchen, passed his glass off to one of the servers, and from there worked his way around to the Control Booth, which was currently manned by Jaye, one of his close associates. She shrugged at his mild query concerning the Dance-off; she had gone with the flow of the thing, since if she'd done anything else she felt that it would have ruined the night. Penguin nodded and withdrew, nonplussed but satisfied.
From there, taking his time and seating himself whenever possible to reduce his exertions, he began doing the rounds of his biggest and most well represented tables, fulfilling his role as Master of the House. Penguin's mood was mellow; all his many, many issues of the night had resolved at least satisfactorily, the three most prominent of the night, Two-face, Harley, and those libationous white elephants he had held in the stasis tubes for so long, had all ended spectacularly well… and all three were due to the ladies who had so imperiously commandeered his best table, his best event of the year, and his most expensive vintage for their own. All to his considerable profit. As he approached their table, he took advantage of the Lounge's acoustics to overhear what was being discussed.
Jubilee had just asked Illyana a question as a thought occurred to her. "Did I do something wrong on the challenge?"
Illyana replied after the latest song ended. "You made it too formal. Demonic formal declarations of challenge are usually done to replace a person. Which is very rare as normally you just attempt to kill them."
"So what would you have done?"
"Kzinti logic as… " Illyana paused as she recalled a flicker of a memory. Then a shake of her head as she continued (and because that memory is another story called Fanged God's cat's-paw).
"…Kitty would say, she really liked the books. Which basically means scream and leap. Next time I just recommend screaming and throwing the first punch."
At which point Oswald arrived at the table. "My ladies, I must say… I deeply appreciate that option NOT being employed."
Penguin made eye contact with Illyana, intending to congratulate her on the impromptu scene… but Illyana had leaned back to sip of her flute. Under cover of doing so, Illyana gestured 'Pass' to Oswald, all but imperceptibly indicating Selina Kyle, the Catwoman. So, Penguin bowed to Catwoman, intending to toast her, and realized he had not a glass in hand, having neglected to pick a new one up in the kitchen. Damned meds making me thoughtless again… He said to himself. He gracefully translated his hand gesture into an indication of the table in general and the closer of the two double magnums. "I hope my establishment's expectation were met, if not exceeded?"
Harley giggled and emptied her flute. "Oszy, the night has been magnificent, and this wine is the bomb! Have you ever tried it?"
Penguin raised an eyebrow and shook his head, having slightly winced at the bomb statement from Harley. "I fear not. There were only the two bottles, and for obvious reasons…" he looked disappointed for a moment, "I was unwilling to open one just to taste it. I am delighted it lived up to its reputation."
Orphan, sensing the Penguin was perhaps a touch overextended, gracefully rose to her feet and subtly eased an empty chair around, just as Penguin would have visibly wavered. The net result, for all to see, was Penguin being seating like the visiting royalty he was, welcomed at the table of the night. As the spotlights faded away and Leonard Cohen began what he privately swore would be the last set of the evening, (but wouldn't be, he somehow knew, as long as that table was occupied…) Illyana waved a hand, and an invisible magic veil slid between the table and the rest of the hall. "We may speak freely; we are seen, but not heard."
Lucifer thoughtfully produced a flute from somewhere, and Jubilee filled it from the one of the now three golden bottles on the table before passing it around the table. Penguin accepted the flute with gracious thanks, not intending to do more than wet his lips; with his medication load, alcohol in any amount was unwise, and he had already imbibed brandy. But his concerns wafted away with the vapors of the flute, and the thought came to him that he never had sampled anything of Chateau Mont-Genalise du Lac, let alone this, their absolutely most exclusive vintage. Harley and Jubilee softly cheered, and everyone drank deep of the joining of Arbane and Petit Meslier grapes and Chaos in most wonderful fashion. Oswald felt something loosen deep within him, as if a load eased from his bones. He sipped again, the vintage drawing his attention again with its complexities, and he relaxed a touch. Harley took that as her cue.
"Hey Illy! So tell us some more about this MaidMan guy!"
And so… Illyana recounted what had happened at Superhomey Karaoke Night, a recounting what included the disturbing statement "…Imagine Batman in a frilly French maid's outfit with a massive panty groin bulge that he likes to flash…"
BEGIN REFLECTION OF SUPERHOMEYS Karaoke Night
Earlier the Superhomeys had fought, and lost, to the vacationing Magik who had been mistaken for an attacking demon by the Superhomeys. Illyana had sarcastically commented after the event that apparently drinking a chocolate tea based drink and feeding the ducks was considered very demonic and showed evil intent on EMP's world. EMP had been the only one to actually ask if Magik was attacking, EMP had shown up late, as the supposed Demon was not actually killing anybody other then incapacitating those who had attacked her and giving a bound and gagged Sistah Spooky a spanking with a giant sword (it was just a few swats but Spooky was enormously mortified).
Magik had been invited to Karaoke night as a sort of apology for the attack (since when do demons vacation was one common compliant). An invite she took them up on, much to the surprise of some. Karaoke night you might ask? Heroes in the universe of EMP (Empowered) fought hard, and partied harder, and Karaoke night allowed them to cut loose with a vengeance with both alcohol and mournful melodramatic vocals of questionable artistic quality.
Magik had shown up in her Darkchilde form, partially as a bit of a snub, and partially as Sistah Spooky had been quite upset at Illyana's black costume as it had so resembled Spookies own costume. So instead Illyana had attended wearing a chainmail bikini, cloven hooved, and lashing devil tail; with some small cute red horns. Her presence had surprised some, and had generated a few annoyed glares and whispered comments (especially from Major Havoc, but he hastily looked away and shut up when she gave him a stare).
She was currently nursing a Blue Moon beer bottle and thinking of leaving. If you've attended such an event (or read the comic) you realize that she was far from the oddest thing there. But… being of questionable character, nobody had as yet sat at her table or conversationally engaged with her. A hero by the name Heavy Ordnance (picture a male torso with a howitzer for a head) was singing (badly but with passion) Sometimes when we touch by Dan Hill.
…
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes
And hide
I want to hold you till I die
Till we both break down and cry
…
Illyana was not feeling welcomed (a not uncommon condition for her). The whole demon thing was partially to blame, plus the fact she'd defeated them on battle, and EMP was not present (she had yet to arrive with her friends). Illyana was just about to depart when a figure that had been observing her from the shadows approached and sat down at her table.
It was Maidman, who has not been part of the fight. He was the broom-swinging cross-dressing crusader of justice. Dressed in his signature frilly French maid costume, stiletto heels, white panties, and fishnets (with garters); sans his techno broom. He had been voted by villains as the guy they'd least like to arch-antagonize. Also known as Garter-belted Gladiator, the Dark Knight Domestic, the Delicate Cycle Detective, the Hard-hitting Hygenist, the Sanitary Sentinel, the Iron-handed Immaculist, the Manservant of Steel, the Squeaky-clean Samurai, the Corset-clad Crusader and the Velveteen Virtuoso of Violence. He gave a grunt of disapproval as he gazed upon her. A grunt that Illyana understood (she was very conversant in gruntology) as she replied.
"Yes, why not dress the part as it were." Meaning her Darkchilde form.
A questioning grunt from Maidman.
"No, I'm not 'planning' anything. I figured that I'd show up and have a few drinks before taking off. I was invited after all."
A snort of a grunt from Maidman which caused Illyana to chuckle.
"Like you have a leg to stand on trying to complain about my appearance. At first I thought you were just another odd fetish dressed pretend player like that fake Catwoman over there." Illyana gestured at a scantily clad cat themed hero who went by the name Ocelotina who was actually a provider of heroine Stripperiffic bound and gagged softcore imagines (there was a surprisingly large demand and it was quite lucrative). "But on closer examination I see I was mistaken. You're actually the real deal. I hope you don't have an arch nemesis with you dressing like that, and please tell me that you don't have a side kick called Leather Lad."
A rather satisfied grunt from Maidman.
"Yeah, I can relate. I once had a bunch of duffuses blast off my clothing and post it on youtube, that was the first and last time anybody did that."
Another questioning grunt from Maidman as a waitress brings a beer for him.
"No, I didn't kill them, really wanted to, but my friends talked me out of it. Instead I had them do a series of tasks, one of which was to dance wearing just thongs in the New York gay parade on a float of a giant male thingie. Then they had to defeat Gaylactus." (Author's note, see chapters 5-6 of what to do about Magik, and in her defense she was very drunk at the time).
A statement that resulted in Maidman spitting out a mouthful of beer (thankfully not on Illyana), then giving Illyana a growling kind of grunt.
"What… They totally deserved it. I did finally accept their apology, after they first bought all the good chocolate in New York; I guess billionaires are good for something."
A suspicious grunt from Maidman.
"Just passing though, I'd heard of a world where…" Illyana suddenly went quiet, causing Maidman to give her a hard stare.
"No need to get grumpy at me, man that's a good glare. It's just that I don't know how much all of you know about just why things are the way they are here." Meaning the massive plethora of both heroes and villains that were granted their powers from aliens or mystic sources who did it for reasons that were not actually in the long term interests of humanity; in reality earth was kind of a reality show and the producers were not opposed to having the set burn down if the rates were good.
A grunt from Maidman that sounded rather… resigned about something. The something being things that Illyana had hinted at (Maidman was one of the heroes in the know).
"I can relate, sucks when you're the playthings of those who like to pull wings off of flies, and then eat the flies."
Illyana was slightly tired of the one sided conversation so she then gave a kind of questioning grunt, which somewhat surprised Maidman as he was used to being the gruntie in most grunt conversations. After some thought he answered in a voice that sounded like he gargled with gravel and lye.
"Hetro, the costume is more about striking fear in the hearts of evil doer's, but I do confess I like the feel of female underwear. But… high heels are murder to run in."
Another questioning grunt from Illyana.
"Most criminals are easily daunted about things that confuse them. A guy dressed in a French maid's outfit is amusing; a guy beating the crap out of a gang of criminals while wearing a French maid's outfit is terrifying; plus many of them are afraid that I might take… improprieties with them. And no, I find the idea of dressing up as some animal to fight crime to be just this side of being a Furry, and this Lady has standards."
A snort of a grunt from Illyana, like she's trying not to laugh.
"I agree, the sexual identification of most capes, villains or heroes, can be used to great affect."
A short grunt from Illyana.
"The whole idea of having an arch nemesis is silly. This is neither a game or a hobby. I treat those who might harbor such concepts with extra… measures so as to discourage such… obsessions."
Illyana nodded her head in agreement. She likewise lacked any arch enemies, ones that were alive that is. Another questioning grunt from her.
"Yes, keeping the costumes clean is a major chore, one can't just try to bleach away blood stains. That doesn't work and one must think about the delicates when washing."
A comment that left Illyana giggling with laughter. After that the ice was broken and the two of them engaged in vigorous conversation. Maidman preferred hand to hand combat, nothing like the feel of a good bone crunching punch. Whereas Illyana preferred sword and dagger work; although giving a good beating with sticks was also satisfying. That's when EMP, Thugboy, Ninjette, and the Caged Demonwolf (imprisoned in the power draining bondage gear) arrived at the table. The DemonWolf was being carried by Thugboy who put him down upon the table.
Illyana stood and gave a small bow to the Demonwolf. "I great you Destroyer of worlds, Merciless monarch of menace, He who trods upon the grapes of wrath and serves the results with fiendish relish."
The Demonwolf returned the greetings. "Likewise does the Eldritch engine of destruction greet the Darkchilde, Queen of Limbo, Hell Lord and slayer of the dark and annoying Elder Gods."
Uncertain was the scene (meaning Illyana's demon form was off putting to the new comers), but… as in most socially awkward situations, sufficient quantities of alcohol smoothed things over. The conversation was hesitant at first, but progressed over time, until…
The Darkchilde and the Demonwolf sang upon the stage, each alternately singing one lyric. It was Frank Sinatra's My Way.
Illyana: And now, the end is near
DemonWolf: And so I face the final curtain
Illyana: My friend, I'll say it clear
DemonWolf: I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
Illyana: I've lived a life that's full
DemonWolf: I traveled each and every highway
Illyana: And more, much more than this
DemonWolf: I did it my way
Illyana: Regrets, I've had a few
DemonWolf: But then again, too few to mention
Illyana: I did what I had to do
DemonWolf: And saw it through without exemption
Illyana: I planned each charted course
DemonWolf: Each careful step along the byway
Illyana: And more, much more than this
DemonWolf: I did it my way
Illyana: Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
DemonWolf: When I bit off more than I could chew
Illyana: But through it all, when there was doubt
DemonWolf: I ate it up and spit it out
Illyana:I faced it all, and I stood tall!
DemonWolf: And did it my way!
…
…
END REFLECTION OF SUPERHOMEYS Karaoke Night
Harley and Jubilee had the giggles, while the rest were just blinking in disbelief at the story Illyana had just told. Oswald did have to admit to himself that all in all, he preferred the Bat. But… one's duty of a host is to move on before one's presence becomes a hindrance.
Oswald rose smoothly, the amount he had drunk allowing him to ignore his everyday stiffness, aches, and pains, and swept a bow to the table. "Ladies… I must seek my bed soon and this night is yours. I confess, this has been a most enjoyable evening." He raised his glass and offered the first toast that popped into his head. "A fun time to all in the group!" A toast that gave Lucifer an internal chuckle as he could feel the esoteric potentialities of the ether deepen and broaden as the seminal toast of the night was spontaneously offered anew.
The flutes (and bottles) refilled spontaneously as Ivy rose to her feet, taken by a sudden impulse to support her fellow Rogue. The veil vanished at Illyana's gesture, and Ivy's voice rose clarion across the entire hall, her flute effervescing cigarette blue in the spotlight.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, raise your glasses! We give you Oswald Cobblepott, our host! To him Good Health and Long Life!"
Cheers from all as Oswald took a bow, and drank to the toast.
Part 13e: Departures (some time later…)
Leonard had begun to sing the last song of the night, appropriately it was Closing time. Ivy and Harley had joined the female backup singer on the stage (who looked rather putout about that little fact) were likewise singing the female chorus. They had made their goodbyes as they were taking off with Leonard after the show.
Ah we're drinking and we're dancing
And the band is really happening
And the Johnny Walker wisdom running high
And my very sweet companion
She's the angel of compassion
She's rubbing half the world against her thigh
And every drinker every dancer
Lifts a happy face to thank her
The fiddler fiddles something so sublime
All the women tear their blouses off
And the men they dance on the polka-dots
And it's partner found, it's partner lost
And it's hell to pay when the fiddler stops
It's closing time
(Closing time)
(Closing time)
(Closing time)
…
…
The girls were still occasionally giggling over the complaints from Two Face as Mazikeen had carried hem off.
"Is he going to survive?" Whispered Selina to Illyana.
"If not, I can personally assure you that he'll die with a smile on his face." Whispered back Illyana.
Catwoman's look of concern prompted Illyana add more assurance. "I'm sure he'll be fine and nothing will happen that he doesn't want to have happen."
…
Yeah the women tear their blouses off
And the men they dance on the polka-dots
And it's partner found, it's partner lost
And it's hell to pay when the fiddler stops
It's closing time
…
"Where's Jubilee?" Whispered Dani, suddenly realizing the Jubilee was absent.
"She took off with Lucifer." Whispered back Laura.
"You don't mean that she's…"
"Yep, Steve Tyler all over again."
…
Ah we're lonely, we're romantic
And the cider's laced with acid
And the holy spirit's crying, where's the beef?
And the moon is swimming naked
And the summer night is fragrant
With a mighty expectation of relief
So we struggle and we stagger
Down the snakes and up the ladder
To the tower where the blessed hours chime
And I swear it happened just like this
A sigh, a cry, a hungry kiss
The gates of love they budged an inch
I can't say much has happened since
But closing time
(Closing time)
(Closing time)
(Closing time)
…
Selina sighed. "So… down by four. Should we call it a night or…"
"Night is still young." Interrupted Cassandra to the surprise of all, and some private groans from Barbara who was still listening via Cassandra's phone.
…
I swear it happened just like this
A sigh, a cry, a hungry kiss
The gates of love they budged an inch
I can't say much has happened since
(I can't say much has happened since)
We're closing time
Closing time
…
"Then time for some… prowling?" Prompted Illyana.
…
I loved you for your beauty
But that doesn't make a fool of me
You were in it for your beauty too
And I loved you for your body
There's a voice that sounds like god to me
Declaring, (declaring) declaring, declaring that your body's really you
And I loved you when our love was blessed
And I love you now there's nothing left
But sorrow and a sense of overtime
And I missed you since the place got wrecked
And I just don't care what happens next
Looks like freedom but it feels like death
It's something in between, I guess
It's closing time
(Closing time)
(Closing time)
(Closing time)
…
"Yeah." Was the agreement from Laura, Dani, Selina, and Cassandra.
…
Yeah I missed you since the place got wrecked
By the winds of change and the weeds of sex
Looks like freedom but it feels like death
It's something in between, I guess
It's closing time
…
"Where?" Asked Laura.
"Broadway." Was Selina's grinning reply. "It's a bit late, but there's always something going on."
…
Yeah we're drinking and we're dancing
But there's nothing really happening
And the place is dead as heaven on a Saturday night
And my very close companion
Gets me fumbling gets me laughing
She's a hundred but she's wearing
Something tight
And I lift my glass to the awful truth
Which you can't reveal to the ears of youth
Except to say it isn't worth a dime
And the whole damn place goes crazy twice
And it's once for the devil and once for Christ
But the boss don't like these dizzy heights
We're busted in the blinding lights
Of closing time
(Closing time)
(Closing time)
(Closing time)
…
"Shame Nightwing is having such a crappy night." Mused Selina. "But I guess he learned your car has a wicked set of claws."
"Well it is girl's night out, not boy's night out." Observed Cassandra, again with casual conversational interaction. Why you might ask? Well… call it lubricated conversation ease, and she had taken a mint from Ivy when they had visited the Ladies room that may, just may, have had more then mint in it.
…
The whole damn place goes crazy twice
And it's once for the devil and once for Christ
But the boss don't like these dizzy heights
We're busted in the blinding lights
(Busted in the blinding lights)
Busted in the blinding lights
Of closing time
Closing time
…
"Now I feel guilty." Groused Dani. "Least we could do is drink a toast to him."
Nods of agreement all round. Illyana reached out and… once again the chaos bottle was in her hand.
…
Oh the women tear their blouses off
And the men they dance on the polka-dots
It's closing time
And it's partner found, it's partner lost
And it's hell to pay when the fiddler stops
It's closing time
I swear it happened just like this
A sigh, a cry, a hungry kiss
It's closing time (closing time)
(Closing time)
(Closing time)
(Closing time)
The gates of love they budged an inch
I can't say much has happened since
But closing time (closing time, closing time, closing time)
I loved you when our love was blessed
I love you now there's nothing left
But closing time
I miss you since the place got wrecked
By the winds of change and the weeds of sex
With that the song was done.
Shot glasses all round and a toast was given by Dani. "May Nightwing's next boy's night out be as fun as ours."
And so it was to be (but that's a different story).