It took a little over three months for Amber to start to feel almost normal again. The pain in her stomach had finally faded, Will had started weaning her off the painkillers as soon as possible and she was relieved when she'd finally stopped taking them last week. It felt like a weight had been lifted.

But things weren't back to normal. She wasn't sure when it had happened, or why exactly, but somewhere during all of this her and Kelly had drifted apart. They'd each been trying to process their grief for the baby that they hadn't known that they wanted or ever got to meet.

She'd realised early on that they were both doing the same thing, burying their grief in work. Kelly had been picking up extra shifts, teaching classes at the academy and even volunteered himself to work out of other houses a few times. Meanwhile, with Will not allowing her back into the OR until she was off all the painkillers Amber had thrown herself into her research project and been spending almost every waking hour in the lab. It hadn't left much time for each other.

She'd thought for a while about trying to speak to him about it but quickly scrapped that idea. She hadn't got a clue what to say to him. She could understand how he was feeling, or at least she thought she could, it was painful to think about never mind speak about. Did he blame her for what had happened the same way she blamed herself? She wasn't sure she wanted to hear the answer to that one. After all, he hadn't done anything. It was her who'd lost the baby, and maybe that was the reason why he could barely look her in the eye any more.

Apparently she wasn't the only one who had noticed. Amber had been down in the ER having been called to see a patient when Shay had spotted her sitting at the computer at the nurse's station.

"Hey Amber," Shay smiled, leaning against the nurse's station. "How are you doing? Feels like I haven't seen you in forever."

"I um..." She hesitated. The reason she hadn't seen Shay in forever was that she hadn't been to Kelly's place in a while. "I guess it has been a while."

"Everything okay with you and Kelly?" Shay asked, getting straight to the point as always.

Amber shifted uncomfortably under her friend's steady gaze. Shay already knew the answer to that so there was little point in trying to lie to her. "I don't know," She admitted quietly. "I feel like he's pushing me away."

Shay smiled sympathetically. "He's not good at things like this. Doesn't do emotions well at all."

"What am I supposed to do?" She asked, looking up at Shay helplessly.

Shay was quiet for a moment. "Honestly? If you want to talk to him about this then you're probably going to have to corner him and just get it out there. Otherwise, he'll just carry on avoiding you for as long as he can."

There was a long pause before Amber spoke again. "Do you... um... Do you think he blames me, for what happened?" She asked nervously.

"No way," Shay answered almost before Amber had finished asking the question. "I don't know what's going on in his head, but it's not that. You need to talk to him. Why don't you come to the firehouse later?"

"Okay." Amber nodded. "Thanks, Shay."

She felt slightly less confident about confronting him and tackling whatever was going on head-on as she walked into the firehouse five hours later. The absence of all of the trucks and the ambulance was a relief. It would give her a little time to work out what she was supposed to say to him. She made her way through the empty firehouse to his office and made herself comfortable on his bed to wait for him.

Kelly stifled a yawn as he wandered back through the firehouse. The exhaustion had set in while he was in the shower trying to wash the lingering smell of smoke off him. It had been a long day with more calls than he'd had in a while and he was praying the rest of the night would be quiet enough to let him get some sleep because he was dead on his feet.

He did a double-take when he walked into his office and found Amber curled up asleep in his bed. She was still dressed in her scrubs and looked like she'd come straight from work. He checked his phone to see if she'd called but he hadn't missed anything.

"Hey." He said, shaking her gently to wake her up. "What are you doing here Amber?"

She blinked at him sleepily, disorientated by waking up somewhere strange. "I came to see you and I must have fallen asleep." She mumbled.

"Everything okay?" Kelly asked as she pushed herself up into a sitting position and rubbed at her face sleepily.

She nodded, although the frown on her face suggested otherwise. "What's going on, Kelly?" She sighed. She'd had this whole speech prepared but in her half-awake state, she couldn't remember any of what she'd planned to say.

"Nothing's going on." He shrugged, sitting down on the other end of his bed. He refused to meet her eye, feeling her watching his face. Instead, he picked at a loose thread on his trousers.

"I think we both know that's not the truth." She said, watching his face carefully for some kind of reaction as she spoke. "What happened was... it was shitty and unfair... and I'm sorry."

His head snapped up. "Don't."

"Don't what?" She looked at him blankly.

"Don't apologise like it was your fault." He whispered. "I don't ever want you to think I blame you or think it was your fault."

She paused for a moment. "If that's the truth then why can't you even look me in the eye any more? This is the first time I've seen you in weeks, Kelly."

"I'm sorry." He mumbled. "I know I've been working a lot, but it's not about that."

"Well, what is it about then?" She asked, sitting up a little straighter.

He took a deep, shaky breath. "I kept thinking about the fact I could've lost you too. If I hadn't been stupid and got drunk that night, I wouldn't have said what I did and you wouldn't have been mad at me. I might've been there when you got sick and made you go to the hospital sooner and then-"

"Kelly." She interrupted him. She knew where this was going. "It wouldn't have mattered, nothing would have saved the baby. I asked Will the same question. And I'm here, I'm okay. If anything it's my own fault for not realising what was happening. I'm a doctor, I should know what sepsis looks like really."

Kelly was quiet for a moment. "It really wouldn't have made any difference?" He asked, his voice small.

She reached forward and took his hand. "None at all." She said softly. "It just wasn't meant to be."

"I keep thinking about what it would've been like." He admitted. "Me, you and our baby."

She rested her forehead on his shoulder. "Yeah, me too."

There was a long pause, his hands finding their way around her waist and pulling her towards him. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you away. I'm not very good at this part."

"And what exactly is this part?" She asked.

"I love you, Amber. If something happened to you I'd..." He trailed off. "I've had a lot of one night stands and meaningless flings in my time and the idea of something real... It kind of freaked me out."

"You could've just said that." She joked. "Didn't need to make me think you'd changed your mind and decided you didn't want me after all."

"Never." He promised.

"Well, that's good, because my Mom called earlier."

"Oh?" He raised an eyebrow at her.

"My sister is getting married and she wanted to check if you were coming with me?" She looked at him hopefully. She wasn't going to mention that the original invitation had been for her and Jack.

"When?" He asked, looking surprised. She didn't very often talk about her sister.

"Next week." She explained. "But it's fine, you don't have to come. I did say to Mum I didn't think you would, especially as I wasn't even sure if you were actually talking to me earlier. So I'll just call her back and tell her you can't make it. I'll only be gone a couple of days." She rambled, wishing she'd never even brought it up.

"I didn't say I wasn't coming. Is it in Florida?" He asked. She nodded. "And when do you go?"

She thought for a moment. "I was going to fly down on Thursday and come home on the Monday?" She offered. "But it could be shorter? The wedding is on Saturday."

Kelly shook his head. "I'll speak to Chief but I think it'll be okay. I could really use the time off, I'm dead on my feet."

"You do look tired." She said softly, her fingers gently stroking the dark circles under his eyes.

"You know how to make a guy feel better about himself." He joked. "So this wedding, your family are going to be there?" He asked hesitantly.

She nodded. "Mom has told them Jack and I split up."

"You sure you want to go and have people asking questions?" He asked. It wasn't that he didn't want to go with her, quite the opposite actually, but he couldn't imagine having people asking questions about exactly what had happened with Jack was going to be much fun for her either.

"I can't hide out forever." She reasoned although the idea of it was making her feel sick. "She's my sister, I'm not going to miss her wedding because of what a few people might say."

"Okay then," He nodded. "That's settled, as long as Chief says yes we are booking flights to Florida."

"Where are you going?" She asked as he suddenly got up.

"To go and ask for the time off." He announced, disappearing out of the door.