Chapter 14: Mourning and baking

Tonks was trying to hold back the tears. She had only known that incredible man for a few hours, but he hadn't been that much different from the Harry of her own time. He had been so hungry for affection, more damaged, more scarred and cynical. Of course, older, as the Harry she knew wasn't even in Hogwarts yet. Nonetheless he was the same kind, powerful, loyal, brave person she knew.

If she was having a hard time, Tonks couldn't even begin to imagine how the others were feeling. Sirius had seemed quite attached to his grown-up godson, Alice had been so supportive and understanding the whole time he had been there, always prepared to calm him down with a slight touch, to help him during the rough parts of his tales. Frank was a rock, so reliable, permanently offering useful advice or asking well-thought-out questions. Moody was difficult to describe but he had supported him as well, in his own grumpy way, even laughing at the unbelievable things Harry had done, and then there was Remus… She didn't understand the man at all. He was so hard to read; she couldn't really interpret him. Her eyes focused on the werewolf. He was still crouching next to Sirius, comforting him the best he could.

They both had entered the kitchen a few minutes ago to announce that Harry was gone, and after that the dog animagus had broken down on the floor. Alice had made an attempt to reach out to him, but Remus had stopped her and had taken over.

"It's like losing James all over again," gasped Sirius between sobs. "Worse, because we had to watch and couldn't do a damn thing." The werewolf tried to calm him down, but his friend wasn't responding to him.

The metamorphmagus would have liked to go there and comfort them, but she hesitated. She wasn't sure how welcomed she was. They didn't actually know her, not really. Tonks suddenly felt so alone, away from her time, with no one to help her. She had told the others that several aurors had been offered the chance to go back in time, but she didn't specify how many had accepted. Not many, and all of them older than her. None of her friends had wanted to do it.

She wiped the tears that were finally falling and chastised herself. She was not alone. This people would become a family to her, she knew it, she had seen it happen. So not more self-pity. The metamorphmagus suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder and she turned around to see Moody offering her some firewhisky. She had already drunk her fair share of it earlier, but Tonks accepted anyways. Then, she saw as the old auror approached Remus and wordlessly handled him some potion. The guy accepted the bottle, barely looking at the label, and force-fed it to Sirius. He was asleep in no time, snoring on the floor.

Remus just looked at him blankly, not moving anymore. Frank tapped his shoulder gently.

"Do you want me to take him to a bed?" he offered.

The sandy haired man nodded and Frank levitated the animagus to take him to the nearest bedroom. When the two men were gone, Remus moved to a chair and collapsed over the kitchen table. Alice settled down next to him, with little Harry in her arms, and she rubbed his back comfortingly, not uttering a word. Eventually Remus looked up.

"Where are Teddy and Neville?" he asked when he saw the little boy in her arms.

"Upstairs, asleep," answered the witch. "Teddy got tired after crying so much and Neville always takes a nap at this time of the day. Harry here doesn't seem to be tired at all," she added the last part cooing at the kid, who had his emerald eyes wide open, taking on the scene in front of him. He hadn't spoken a word in all the time since Tonks had arrived at the house. It was a bit unnerving.

"Can I… Do you mind if I hold him for a bit?" requested Remus hesitantly.

"Of course not," replied Alice, handling him the child. The werewolf's expression changed the moment Harry was in his arms. He seemed at peace. Tonks couldn't take her eyes off him.

She had been thinking a lot about the handsome werewolf. How could she not? Tonks knew without a doubt that they were destined to be together. It was quite an intimidating concept; she had always been an independent type of person, doing whatever she pleased whenever she wanted. To have the choice already made for her, it scared her and angered her. But nobody forced her to go back in time, not really. She made that decision all by herself.

Tonks sighed and tucked a strand of brownish hair behind her ear. She hated losing control of her ability like that, it made her look so vulnerable. Still, there was nothing she could do about it, it was linked to her emotions and she was too distraught to make any effort to fix it.

Her thoughts returned to the situation at hand. Tonks hadn't lied to Harry when she said that she didn't mind being in a time loop for the next eight years. The metamorphmagus would live her life normally; she wouldn't know what was supposed to happen. Except for that huge thing; she would end up with Remus. She had joked around with Harry, saying that she would inform the werewolf that they were meant to be, but she didn't intend to do that at all. Tonks had known the sandy haired man since she was a kid and she had seen him as an adult all that time, Teddy's dad, happily married. It would take a while to get used to this new Remus, single, only four years older than her, extremely attractive, father of her son.

That was another huge issue to figure out. She was a mum. The little kid she had known for eight years, whom she considered her little cousin, was her son. She knew Teddy quite well. Tonks knew he was deadly afraid of bats, that he loved strawberry ice-cream, that he played gobstones like a pro. He had confided in her, no long before leaving her own time, that he was going to try to get into Gryffindor to be with Harry, even if everybody could tell that he was definitely a Ravenclaw. Nonetheless, the most important fact was that Teddy was the reason why she decided to go back in time.

Frank returned soon and sat down quietly next to Alice. She leaned on his shoulder and closed her eyes, finally letting some tears fall down. The wizard was not any better, staring at the little kid in Remus arms with an inscrutable expression. Tonks hadn't known the couple that well in her own time, but she could tell that they were kind and loving people and she could feel their suffering as if it was a tangible thing.

The mood was not helping any of them, especially not little Harry, who was hiding his face on Remus' chest, his tiny fists gripping his shirt. The werewolf summoned a stuffed dog and offered it to the boy, who reluctantly let go of his clothes and hugged the small toy. Remus whispered in his ear, trying to make him smile with not much success.

Suddenly, Frank stood up and approached his boss. He announced that he was going to start working on the wards. Moody agreed to help out and Alice decided to joined them, after confirming with Remus that he would be okay. She took Harry with her, as they would need his presence to perform some of the spells. Tonks didn't really felt up to going with them, so it was just Remus and her left. She wasn't sure what to say to him.

"He was a great man," she muttered quietly.

"He was," agreed Remus. "He sacrificed everything to save the Wizarding World."

Tonks snorted. She could see the astonished expression on his face. "He didn't do it for the Wizarding World," she said rolling her eyes. "He did it for you," declared simply. "And for Teddy, Sirius, Neville and his parents. Even Moody and me. He did it for the people he cared about."

Remus eyes had filled with tears and they were soon running down his face. He was sobbing on his hands and Tonks didn't hesitate anymore. She got closer and wrapped her arms around him. She knew she had made the right choice when the man didn't push her away, instead clinging to her tightly. They stayed like that for a long time.

Finally, Remus pulled away. "Sorry about that," he said, blushing fiercely. Tonks found it adorable.

"Don't worry. You have every right to be upset."

His amber eyes were focused on her and she hold the stare. She could see the pain in them, the loss, but there was also something more, like curiosity maybe. A few seconds later, he was the one to break contact. He cleared his throat.

"I know that we have much to figure out. You probably want to spend time with Teddy…" he looked at her questioningly.

Tonks nodded. "Yes, I do. But we can work that out later."

He was obviously relieved. They had participated in too many important conversations that day already.

"You should spend Christmas with us," blurted out Remus. He blushed again. "I mean… I assumed you didn't… Maybe you have someone else…"

"No one else," she stated interrupting him with a smile. "I don't really get along with the other aurors who time traveled with me and I haven't made contact with anyone besides you guys yet."

"Oh," said Remus. "Well then, I don't know what we are going to do but you should be with us. You are family after all."

"Indeed I am," muttered Tonks quietly.

She gazed at him again. Maybe it wouldn't be as hard as she thought. Not only did she had Sirius there to help her get used to living in that time, but there was also Remus and that was turning up to be a good thing. They did get along wonderfully. He could see that the crying had helped the man a lot, but he was still so sad… She decided to cheer him up a bit.

"Come on, let's do something fun."

"Like what?" he asked puzzled.

"I don't know, what do you like to do? Dance? Cook?" she suggested teasingly.

"I don't mind cooking but I'm not very good at it," frowned Remus.

"Well, I'm not much of a cook either, but I can bake," said Tonks thoughtfully. "Let's make some chocolate cookies," she proposed excited, jumping slightly on the spot. Cookies will surely cheer everybody up.

"All right," agreed Remus amenable. "But we don't have much of ingredients here. We would need to go out and buy some."

That was even better. It would be good for Remus to get out of the house for a while and clear his head. It would be good for her too, she was starting to feel a little trapped in there after a whole day practically seated in the same place.

"Shall we go then?" prompted the metamorphmagus, already walking out of the room. The werewolf merely made a show of protesting and soon followed, getting the coats, scarfs and other winter wear on the way to the front door.

It was great to be out, under the stars, breathing fresh air. Tonks could feel better already and she could see it was having a positive effect in her companion as well. They had found the others near the entrance, concentrated in the runes and wand movements necessary to create the complex wards they were placing around the house. They had barely nodded when Remus and Tonks informed them where they were going. Harry had looked at them with his huge eyes and smiled a bit when they waved at him. Tonks took that as a win.

Before long, the witch was enthusiastically walking and bouncing with each step, while staring at the man beside her. She was so busy watching him that she suddenly lost her footing in some loose tile. Tonks was about to face-plant on the floor when she felt a strong arm supporting her and she awkwardly regained her standing, glancing at Remus embarrassed. She mumbled something about being unfocused and he laughed lightly. He had a playful smile on his face, one she had never seen on him; she suspected he was well aware of the reason why she was so distracted.

Neither of them mentioned it though, and they started an easy conversation about Hogwarts. The metamorphmagus informed Remus that she had been in Hufflepuff and they bantered for a while about the strong points and weaknesses of each of their houses. She was careful not to include much future data; it was frustrating to censure herself but she had been warned against sharing too much. Tonks wouldn't actually mess anything, the future would happen whether they knew about it or not, but to live with the knowledge could be a difficult burden. It already was for her, the tiny little piece of information about her soon to be husband weighing heavily on her chest.

And yet he did have a way to make her forget about it. In a short time, they were talking about everything from their families to their favorite type of music, neither of them even noticing when they arrived at their destination. They stood outside the shop, chatting and laughing until Remus commented on it and they finally entered.

They found what they needed quickly enough. Apparently, Remus had made cookies plenty of times, because he knew exactly what to get and how much. Tonks filed that bit of information about him. She was enjoying getting to know him, they had never talked like that in her time.

They had already paid and were returning to the house when Remus asked the first question about her current arrangements.

"Did you and the other aurors change your names when you arrived here?"

"Actually, we had to made up whole new identities for each of us," explained Tonks.

"So, what is your new name?" asked Remus curiously.

"Isadora Black," answered the metamorphmagus promptly. She shrugged when she saw his incredulous face. "I intend to have contact with my parents and Sirius, so being a relative make things easier. Besides, I rather stay close to the truth instead of lying outright."

"I can understand that," said Remus slowly, "but can you back that story up? The Black family is well known; it won't be that easy to just say you're one of them."

"Easier than you think. There is at least one disowned squib cousin, Marius. I'm planning to claim that I'm his granddaughter. He doesn't show up on the family tapestry, so neither would any of his descendants. He is also dead, so it would be difficult to verify the story."

"You have everything well thought," approved the sandy haired man.

Tonks chuckled. "Of course I have. I didn't just come here on a whim you know. I planned my backstory with the help of my bosses in the auror department." The werewolf blushed slightly, embarrassed. He apparently had forgotten that little detail of her being on a mission. She added one more thing, staring intently at him. "I'm also going to say that I'm twenty years old instead of eighteen."

He immediately understood why. "Because of Teddy?" he checked.

"Because of Teddy," confirmed Tonks. "I hope you're comfortable with that. It's just, I would like to say he is mine..."

"I'm okay with that," he said, a little too quickly. A slow grin spread through Tonks' face. He blushed even redder than before and looked down, avoiding her gaze. "I'm actually grateful that you thought of doing that. I would rather not have people thinking that I was with you when I was twenty and you sixteen."

She bumped against him playfully and answered, "I wouldn't want that either. It could have been dangerous; they could have thrown you in jail."

Remus snorted bitterly. "You are forgetting I'm a dark creature. They would have just executed me and be done with it."

Tonks didn't know what to answer to that, so she just stayed silent. A troubled mood settled around them. That was definitely not what she wanted when she suggested to get out of the house. She decided to keep talking so that they might move past it.

"I'm also considering saying you were my private tutor…" she told him teasingly.

Remus attempted to say something but began coughing, startled. "That's awful!" he finally gasped, while the witch patted his back, amused, "you want people to believe that we had a teacher-student thing?"

"It would explain how we met… I think that's believable don't you?" she speculated ignoring his reproachful look. She had no intention to ever say anything of the sort, but she enjoyed making him react like that.

"Oh they would believe it all right," he muttered indignantly. Tonks sniggered quietly and his mouth twitched slightly upwards. He was soon hiding his grin behind his hands, shaking his head like he was exasperated with her. She knew better of course.

They arrived back at the house on quite the cheerful mood. Both of them looked for the aurors and found them on the other side of the house, finishing the warding. Remus quickly got them to relinquish Harry, as they had finished with the steps that needed him, and the three of them entered the house.

The man left all the bags in the kitchen and went upstairs. Tonks was puzzled by it, but she sat Harry on the kitchen counter and began taking the ingredients out, chatting with the kid and attempting to make him respond. She was trying to find a bowl when Remus returned, clutching an old radio.

"What is that for?" asked Tonks jokingly. "I thought we decided to cook instead of dancing."

He just shrugged, setting the device on the table and turning it on. "I always listen to music while I cook."

She smiled, delighted, and listened as Remus searched for a song he liked. When he settled for one, it was one of her mom's all-time favorites, so she knew the lyrics from start to finish. The metamorphmagus was not a self-conscious person, so she loudly sang along with the music. She could see Remus' amused grin but Tonks didn't care, so she kept at it, grabbing Harry and swaying to the music, making the little boy laugh.

Remus watched them fondly until the song ended. He then clapped noisily and laughed when Tonks answered by bowing and thanking him, with Harry on her arms the whole time.

"Now that the show is over, let's make some of those cookies!" prompted Tonks enthusiastically.

The werewolf agreed so they divided their tasks. Tonks was mixing the butter and sugar with Harry's assistance while Remus turned on the oven and prepared the baking pan. The little kid was dropping more sugar outside the bowl than inside, but Tonks waved her wand, using a spell her mother mastered after the metamorphmagus' many accidents in the kitchen, and returned the spilled ingredient to the little cup, cleaning it in the process. Harry was thrilled with the magic and dropped some more sugar to see it again.

Not long after, the cookie dough was ready and the three of them were shaping small amounts into little balls and then flattening them to place them on the tray. Harry was having the time of his life and was covered with the stuff. He was not talking yet, but he was beaming and participating. Remus had begun to hum along with Tonks to every song on the radio and the witch was finally feeling at home for the first time since she had arrived there.

She was absorbed in those thoughts when Remus interrupted her. "Tonks?" he said tentatively.

"Yeah Remus?"

"Do you mind if I call you Dora now? I don't think I'll be able to start calling you Black."

The witch laughed, surprised. She had never even think about them calling her Black. "I don't mind. Actually, I'm thinking about asking everyone to call me that, or Isadora. I like that name, after all, I chose it."

"The only problem will be around the little you," commented Remus.

"Yes, but it's not even that much of an issue. The only people who actually called me Dora were my dad and Sirius. My mum always called me Nymphadora or even Nymphy," she grimaced at the name, "and my friends Tonks."

"All right, Dora it is then," he declared, smiling at her. Tonks felt a flutter in her chest and looked away. She was distracted when Harry held her arm with one of his sticky hands and repeated "Dora."

Both adults were stunned and quite pleased. They celebrated and congratulated Harry, telling him how much they liked hearing his voice. The little kid get a little overwhelmed with the attention, so they dropped it and returned to the cookies with huge smiles on their faces.

Tonks hadn't forgotten about the pain they were all going through with the loss of the adult Harry. She hadn't fully come to terms with being in the past with a predetermined love life. She hadn't even decided how she was going to approach her relationship with Teddy. However, in that moment, having fun with Remus and Harry, she felt that everything was okay. Whatever needed to happen, would happen. There was no point worrying about the future. Together they would get past their pain and every other that would come about.

Remus had been having so much fun with the lively witch. She had managed to make him laugh more than once, despite of the grief he was still feeling. His sorrow dimmed when he looked at her, when she made a face at him and punched his arm teasingly. They were actually baking cookies, something that he hadn't done in a very long time. She had succeeded in making Harry talk! The boy had said her name, and that was a huge progress. Remus just wished Sirius would have heard him…

His cheerful mood vanished with that single thought. He had forgotten about him for a while. His best friend was not coping well with the loss of grown-up Harry. Remus probably should go upstairs before he woke up from the potion-induced sleep; Sirius was going to be mad at him for drugging him, but he didn't regret it. He slumped on a kitchen chair and watched as Tonks placed the cookies in the oven. He would wait until the first batch was ready, and then he would confront his friend. At least he would have cookies to bribe him with.

He tried to maintain a conversation with Dora but she easily figured out that he was too distracted. She didn't seem to mind, chatting with both Remus and Harry, neither of which actually responded to her. Even if he couldn't concentrate on the words she was saying, he found it comforting to have someone talking to him, instead of wallowing on loneliness and silence.

Finally, the cookies were out of the oven and he was ready to head upstairs. The werewolf informed Tonks where he was going and she recommended to take Harry with him. They made their way towards Sirius' room and knocked softly on the door. There was no answer.

"Padfoot, are you awake?" asked Remus tentatively. No sound came through the closed door.

The werewolf opened the door and peeked inside the room. Sirius was awake, laying on his back and staring at the ceiling. The image painfully reminded him of himself on the same position a couple of days ago, overcame by grief and confusion. He needed to snap his friend out of it.

"Sirius…" he said, reaching to touch his arm. "Sirius, please, answer me…"

"What do you want me to say Remus?" asked his friend in a tired voice.

"Anything. Please don't shut me out. You are not alone in this Padfoot, you have me, little Harry, Teddy, Dora, Alice, Frank and even Moody. We are all here for each other and we are all suffering."

"You are right of course," he said, still with the same dull tone.

Remus sat Harry on the edge of the bed and the kid moved closer to his godfather. The man ruffled the boy's hair and a couple of tears fall down.

"I know it hurts right now, but we can't stop living. Two kids are depending on us and, after everything Harry told us, we have much to do."

"I know that Remus!" snapped Sirius crossly.

"Then please, got out of bed. We made cookies!" he pleaded, desperate.

A hint of a smile appeared on the animagus' face. "Cookies?" he asked.

"Yeah, Harry, Dora and I baked them," replied Remus, glad that his friend was interested. The boy beamed and nodded at Sirius inquiring look.

"So she is Dora now, isn't she?" questioned Sirius teasingly. Remus blushed but he also grinned at him. If his friend was teasing him already, he was going to be okay.

"Shut up, Padfoot," was his brilliant reply.

Author's note: Hi guys! Thanks for reading my story, it's the first time I attempt to write anything so long in English, as it isn't my first language. I hope it turned out ok.
There is one more chapter left yet. After that, I have some ideas about a sequel, but I haven't decided if I'm going to write it. What I do know I'm going to write is Tonks' story, explaining how she actually chose to go back in time.