Disclaimer: I do not now, nor have I ever owned the rights to Marvel Comics or its characters. It all belongs to Marvel, Disney, Stan Lee, and whoever else has the rights. I am not making any kind of profit off of this work, it is all just for fun and freedom of : Graphic descriptions of violence and sexual content.
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Chapter 13
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The coffee was rich and fragrant as Loki swallowed the sip he had taken from the black mug he was holding. Emblazoned across the front of the mug was the SHIELD logo in bright white. Loki could feel the many eyes on him, some blatant like Thor and Steve while others like Natasha and Tony were trying to be subtle. Loki paid none of them any mind at the moment, instead focusing simply on enjoying the freshly brewed coffee with some cream and sugar that he had brewed for himself using the lounge's fittingly high-tech looking coffee-machine. Maria herself had tried to make the coffee for him but he had shut that down immediately, not desiring any kind of special treatment and going ahead and making Maria a cup of rooibos hibiscus tea exactly to her liking despite her protests. He had also gone ahead and made Natasha a cappuccino, which she accepted as happily as she allowed herself to show.
Loki had further offered to make all of the desired drinks for his brother and the rest of the Avengers but Tony had spoken for everyone when he had succinctly told Loki to go and park his perfect Asgardian keister in one of the plush gray sofa and not move from there until the rest of them had gotten whatever they wanted from the pantry. Loki had deflated and obliged, sitting down and immediately being flanked on either side by Thor and Steve respectively, the both of them having passed on getting anything to eat or drink.
"Gotta say Fury's being far more accommodating than I thought he'd be." Clint commented as he sat down across from Steve with a shot of steaming espresso with sugar in his hand.
"It's official, the Loki charm works even on that tight screw."Tony said with a mug of straight black coffee with tons of sugar in his own hand as he sent a playful smirk Loki's way, almost preening when it earned him a silvery chuckle from the God of Mischief as the Man of Iron took a seat next to Steve.
"That was still pretty rough." Bruce said with a sigh as he sank down next to Natasha and eyed Loki with a doctor's discerning eye.
"Yes well, I was going to have to actually talk about what happened to me eventually and it may as well be Fury. The man is as objective a my lady mentioned."Loki said with a nod to Natasha as he took another gulp of coffee before he turned his green eyes to Thor beside him.
"Are you alright brother?"He asked quietly.
Thor jerked slightly and then seemed to think for a moment before he met Loki's discerning green eyes and gave his younger brother a crooked little smile as he spoke.
"Not really brother, but I promise you I will be."He said quietly, honestly.
Loki nodded and smiled back at Thor before he reached out and clasped his brother's shoulder, giving it a very strong squeeze and keeping his hand there. Tony took that moment to change the subject.
"Hey Lokster? What's your doppleganger up to now? Was he able to shake off Sandra?"He asked with interest.
Loki turned his green eyes to Tony, mildly startled by the questions for a moment before his face morphed into a radiant grin that had Steve's heart thumping hard against his sternum despite his best efforts to ignore it. Everyone else just looked greatly pleased to see Loki smile after the gut-wrenching debrief they had just taken a much needed break from.
"Indeed Tony, my double was able to take his leave of Sandra just as she was about to regale him with her opinion of how wonderful her now on-again boyfriend is between the sheets. He has currently taken up refuge in the wing dedicated to the arts of Africa, Oceania, and the Americas and is now explaining the cultural significance of Totem poles to a group of school children on a field trip." Loki explained before he gave a light chuckle.
"It seems their teacher is more than happy with someone else holding the children's attention of a bit. The man does look a bit harried but handsome still."Loki added lightly.
Without fail Steve felt a stab of jealousy spike through him at Loki mention the random harried but handsome school teacher. It took all the super soldier's will to keep his eyeball from visibly twitching. Steve forced his featured into the semblance of a smile as he listened on with everyone else as Loki continued to tell them all about his copy's day on the job covering things. Thankfully Loki didn't mention the handsome teacher again and focused instead on the adorable children asking his copy hilariously inappropriate questions about the totem poles like why one particular bird carving looked more like a man's Johnson and why another one was sporting what looked like a pair of seriously spectacular DD jugs. The SHIELD executive lounge was soon filled with welcome laughter.
It was not to last though, for inevitably Maria informed them that they needed to head back to the conference room and continue Loki's debriefing.
With a sigh and a graceful sweep of his hand to magically take and clean all of the mugs and cups that had been used for the various drinks they had all enjoyed, Loki allowed Maria to lead the way back to the conference room where Fury was waiting with Thor and Steve flanking him on either side while the others stayed close. If they thought the first half of Loki's debrief was emotionally taxing even for those among them who were highly trained to lock away their emotions, they all had no down the latter half was going to be just as tough to get through.
Within a few minutes Loki was once again sitting across from Fury and Maria with Thor faithfully sitting beside him and Steve and the other Avengers at his back. It was Fury who spoke first.
" Are you good to continue Mr. Odinson?" He asked neutrally.
" Yes Director I am well with continuing."Loki said quietly with wane smile that Fury wasn't above admitting he absolutely hated seeing on the younger Odinson's face.
Fury took a subtle steadying breath of his own before he spoke once more.
" Before I ask you this, just know that I genuinely do not want to Loki." Fury said gravely.
Loki nodded mutely and prepared himself while the whole room grew palpably tense.
" Do you have any idea why Thanos did all of this? From ordering that you be taken control of to having Ebony Maw use your body to lead the Chitauri in invading Earth?"Fury asked steadily.
That awful smile came back to Loki's face as he gave a shrug and spoke.
" Why would anyone target the second, unimportant Prince of the Realm Eternal? You undoubtedly saw how easily they took my mind from me in Asgard during my brother's coronation day. They no doubt saw me as easy pickings." Loki said with deceptive casualness.
Thor looked sharply to his brother, absolutely hating to hear Loki speak of himself that way and feeling the familiar slow burning rage increase in his gut at the very thought of Thanos and his ilk, and all that they had done to his Loki.
" What easy pickings? They literally had to kill you to get you to comply man."Clint grumbled from where he sat behind Loki. The others all made noises of agreement and Loki and Thor actually turned in their chairs to send Clint a pair of grateful looks, a warm light entering Loki's striking green eyes as he smiled at Clint before they unfortunately shuttered again and he turned back to Fury somber once more as he spoke.
" Being underestimated is nothing new to me Fury, and I also believe that I was targeted because of my reputation as the God of Lies, the Trickster. Perhaps they were banking on everyone seeing me do all those horrible things and assuming I was simply jealous of my brother and that I had gone completely mad after finding out my true heritage rather than what was actually going on, that my mind and body had been stolen out from under me at the very beginning of all this."Loki said matter-of-factly.
Beside Loki, Thor looked like he was going to be physically ill, while Steve actually winced. Tony had his eyes averted, a haunted quality to his eyes. Clint just clenched his jaws while Natasha gave his shoulder a squeeze while looking neutral himself. Bruce just shifted uncomfortable as Hulk roared within him, making his displeasure known to his human counterpart. Loki took a deep breath before continuing.
" I do not know what Thanos' true motive is, but I do remember hearing Ebony Maw's mutterings every now and then either while he was torturing me or in the small reprieves in between. He would mention a mistress, a glorious gift to her, and much work to be done to bring balance to the whole universe and whatever other nonsense I could discern when the pain wasn't as great." He explained quietly.
" I ask a thousand pardons that I couldn't-"Loki began to said, looking honest to God apologetic when a stone-faced Fury held up his hand and silenced him.
From where they sat in the undisclosed location, the members of the WSC were yet again witnessing the true difference between the lie and the real Loki, and though they would not admit it out loud, all four members actually felt their stomachs curdle a bit at hearing Loki asking to be pardoned for not being able to get more information in the midst of being horrifically tortured and raped for months.
" You were in no position to be paying much attention and you have no reason to be sorry about it, do you understand me Loki?"Fury said with a tone leaving no room for argument.
Loki averted his gaze and stayed silent, all eyes turning to him with varying degrees of concern.
Loki forced himself to look back up at Fury and nodded mutely before he continued to recall every detail he could, from every taunt to every tear that was caused to his flesh. Before they knew it another hour had passed, filled with horror conveyed by a silvery, barely wavering voice. Loki remained stoic, his green eyes may have had a sheen of quiet despair to them, the sheen on tears stubbornly kept at bay, but he sat with his back straight and with all the regality of his title as a Prince of Asgard.
Thor held onto his composure too, but only just for though he held his own tears stubbornly back, his jaw was wobbling despite his full effort. From where he sat Steve could barely look at Loki, his eyes burning with the tell-tale sting of salt once more and his heart feeling like it was on fire at hearing what the man he now knew he loved had gone through in his own vivid words. His own perspective was that, his own perspective. Yes, he had been there in the aftermath and actually had been instrumental in how the green eyed god sitting a few feet from him somehow returned to life, but hearing him describe the sadistic cruelty with which he had been murdered was a whole other nightmare. The other Avengers were just a deeply affected. Tony, Bruce, and Clint may have had the horrific experience of performing Loki's autopsy, and Natasha the nightmare inducing video of the entire ordeal, but to hear it all from the man who went through it, in his own words was a fresh kind of Hell.
Knowing that a change of the subject matter was desperately needed, Maria decided to breach another pressing topic regarding Loki.
" Can I ask you something Loki?"She began.
" Yes my lady?"Loki said as he turned warm green eyes to Maria.
" You said earlier that one of your goals was to fix the damage done to New York. Eventually you'll complete the repairs so what do you plan on doing after?" Maria asked curiously.
A contemplative look came across Loki's face as he considered the question, Thor and everyone else looking to him in anticipation. With a sigh Loki sent Maria a genuine smile and then shrugged lightly.
" When I came back to life and my faculties were returned to me, I felt this aimlessness that stuck to me like tar from Muspelheim, the realm of the fire giants."Loki said, explaining the last bit for the questioning gazes leveled at him before he continued.
" I was finished, I was over and then suddenly I was back, back to life, back to Asgard, only difference was that instead of being stared at with disdain, I was looked at with awe or morbid curiosity. I had no semblance of an idea as to what I was meant to do, Was I meant to retake my mantle as the second Prince of Asgard? Was I meant to go back to being the Trickster who pulled pranks mostly so people could see that I existed? Or was I simply to be put on display for everyone to gawk at, the freak who was too weak to fight off mind-control but somehow shrugged off death?" Loki said with a humorless huff and his eyes shining with endless reservoirs of pain.
" Brother." Thor whispered in despair.
Steve felt his heart give an almighty lurch and the other Avengers looked just as pained, even Natasha barely biting back a flinch at Loki's words.
" To answer your question honestly my lady, it varies from moment to moment." Loki explained with a sigh before he turned his tired green eyes to Thor.
" I never stopped being your brother." Loki said softly as he reached up and squeezed Thor's wrist at his shoulder.
Thor felt the breath leave his lungs and his eyes started to burn anew, but he found that he could not speak. He nodded his head and clenched his jaw hard to keep it from wobbling, his hand squeezing Loki's shoulder as he waited for Loki to continue.
" I did stop being myself and after the torture, the rape, being murdered in cold blood, I can't ever go back to being who I was before." Loki said quietly as he turned his eyes back to Maria and Fury.
" When I first came here my focus was not to stay for very long, just repair things as I did in Jotunheim and then move on to some random place, just keep wandering till I could wander no more. Then when I saw that I couldn't just rebuild things without risking thousands of lives I had to prolong my stay and before I knew it I had started cultivating an actual life here on Midgard." Loki said with a shy smile before it dimmed as he continued.
" There are days where I feel I have no right to be here, not after everything that happened, not after the destruction my body was used commit. Other days I am surprised with reasons to smile, to laugh and work with purpose, and people to actually connect with and stay for." Loki said as he looked first to his brother and then glanced over his shoulder, Loki's otherworldly green eyes finding Steve's quietly surprised put pleased blue ones.
Tony caught Clint's eye and they shared a knowing look, but wisely stayed mum as Loki turned back to Maria and Fury.
" I do not have the power of foresight, I know not if I will either change my mind, or you will all grow tired of my presence and want me gone from this realm, but as of right now I would like to continue to stay and live my life here, even after I eventually finish repairing the city."
There was a beat of silence before Fury spoke.
" Good to know Loki." Fury said with the barest hint of a smile to his lips and a glint in his eye as he glanced minutely to the corner of the room where the camera that was recording for the WSC was located.
From where they sat the members of the WSC all shifted and felt uncomfortable save for the most senior member, the grey-haired man with the piercing blue eyes actually allowed himself the barest quirk of his lips, knowing that with Loki wanting to stay on Earth, Fury would no doubt run any and all types of interference so that the WSC couldn't get their hands on the very valuable God of Mischief. They all turned their focus back to the feed from the Helicarrier's conference room as Loki's debriefing continued.
Nothing else big happened, just light conversation about which parts of the city Loki had already rebuilt and about his work at The Met, and update on his double revealed that the illusion was now holed up in Lukas Odensen's office, busily typing up a new informational article and effectively hiding from Loki's other coworkers. The debriefing finally reached it's conclusion with the Helicarrier still in tact, no one pissed off, and Fury and Loki shaking hands again while everyone stood at the Helicarrier's door while the colossal airship was gracefully maneuvering itself to hover right on Tony's landing pad at the top of Avenger's tower.
One the way to the loading area where they would be disembarking, Loki once again had many SHIELD personnel stopping dead in their tracks. Deciding to be a bit daring on the way out, Loki caught the eye of several of the harder, more seasoned looking agents and gave them his best cheeky grin and a wink. He actually did make quite a few of these individuals quietly smile or full on blush. He naturally caused another buzz to go through the Helicarrier.
Now as the residents of Avenger's tower waited for the helicarrier door to lower so they could disembark, Thor practically stayed glued to Loki's side as the God of Mischief exchanged some final words with the Director of SHIELD.
" Thank you for being so amenable with us Loki, in all honesty we didn't know how this meeting with you would go, but it has been very enlightening." Fury said pleasantly.
" Likewise, I had my apprehensions about this debriefing but I understood that it was necessary that we meet and talk." Loki said with a nod of his own.
Both men gazed at each other, striking green eyes meeting the single black one, their owners already reading between the lines of goodbye.
Their conversation wasn't over, not by a long-shot. Now though, there was a mutual respect there that would serve to make things a little easier. There was no doubt in Loki's mind that he would be seeing Nick Fury again, sooner rather than later.
" Are you going to head into work since there is still plenty left in the day?" Fury asked, holding back the smile that threatened to overtake his features as he watched Thor almost have a heart attack where he stood by Loki's side, Steve and the other Avengers trying to be more subtle in their tension at the thought of Loki leaving them even if it would actually be for only a few hours.
Loki considered the question a moment, taking a subtle look around. Thor's panic he could understand, but it did mildly surprise him that Steve, Tony, Clint, and Bruce all didn't look too happy at the thought of him going into work now that the debriefing had concluded. Natasha was as unreadable as ever.
" Tempting though it sounds, my double has everything in order at the museum. I best take the day and rest. Besides, I think it is quite clear my brother means to keep me for a while." Loki replied as he sent a warm look Thor's way, causing the Thunderer to duck his head shyly, though he did relax and looked immensely pleased.
The other Avengers all seemed to release the collective breath they were holding, Steve looking the most relieved. This wasn't lost on either Fury or Maria, though they stayed mum about it.
" Be well Fury." Loki said with a final nod to Director of SHIELD.
" Take care of yourself too Loki." Fury replied with a curt nod of his own before he turned to say his goodbyes to Thor and the other Avengers, stepping aside with Clint to touch base regarding Clint's latest therapist appointment.
Loki then looked to Maria with his green eyes shining with quiet warmth.
" It was wonderful meeting you Lady Hill." Loki said as he bowed to the statuesque brunette and held out his hand.
" It was great meeting you too Loki." Maria said with a small smile and her blue eyes warm as she accepted Loki's hand and let him press another kiss to the back of it. Loki straightened up to give her a smile that actually put the sun to shame.
Maria resisted the urge to sigh and simply nodded back at the tall, raven haired charmer.
The door of the helicarrier finally slid open, looking like something out of a fantasy movie since the rest of the massive airship was still cloaked to look like there was nothing there.
" Come brother." Thor said as he led Loki towards the waiting landing pad, Steve smoothly flanking Loki's other side and the others following after.
" Catch you later Nicky!" Tony sassed with a cheeky salute.
" Catch you Stark, just don't blow yourself up in the mean-time." Fury replied with a long-suffering sigh.
" I make no promises!" Tony called back while Bruce snorted and rolled his eyes hard as the inventor and the scientist disembarked.
Clint waved and Natasha nodded as they stepped off the ship, rounding out the group. The Avengers and Loki all stood on the landing pad, sharing a lingering last look with the Director and Maria before the helicarrier door drew back up and obscured them.
Nick and Maria turned and headed back to the main bridge, but as they walked they could see and hear the murmurs happening about the ship. They had made contact with the real Loki and the second Prince of Asgard had in turn left quite an impression if the buzz in the air was anything to go by.
The Director and his right-hand reached the elevator that would take them back the main bridge and filed in. When the elevator door slid shut behind them and started the ascent to the upper levels, Fury and Maria stood side by side without saying a word. It was Fury who finally spoke.
" So Hill, what did you think of the real Loki Odinson?" He asked casually as he turned to eye Hill.
" Honestly wasn't expecting such a gentleman and he seems to be holding it together pretty well. I hate that he's so sad behind the smiles but not surprised given all he's been put through." Maria said lightly as she turned to meet Fury's shrewd gaze.
" The World Security Council is gonna want him, bad. He's already rebuilt a whole other world all by himself and even then we don't have a clue what the true extent of his capabilities are. He'd be an invaluable asset." She said honestly.
" I highly doubt Loki has anything to worry about regarding the WSC. He is a Norse god straight out of mythology like his brother, he'd easily run circles around them." Nick said with a fleeting smirk before he grew serious, a thoughtful look in his eye.
" But you are worried about him. Loki I mean." Maria said quietly.
" I'd be out of my damn mind not to be." Fury said firmly before he sighed and shook his head.
" You heard him Maria, the memories of his ordeal were put on display for his entire home world to see because people chose not to take him at his word. He went through something no one on this earth has ever gone through and no consideration was given to his feelings. In his own words he is understandably not in a trusting mood when it comes to getting mental health treatment, even from a normal therapist. He says he would be open to receiving help in the future and that he is okay for now but you and I both know that isn't going to last. We saw a glimpse of his sadness today like you said, but what about his rage? What about his despair?" Fury asked ominously.
" He could get triggered by even the smallest thing." Maria said with realization.
" But he's back with Thor now, and surprisingly enough Rogers was there for him before that, and we both saw that the other Avengers are protective of him, even Romanov, it's probably why she called us in rather than debriefing Loki herself." Maria added.
" Don't forget the respect we saw from Barton and Banner, and even Stark looked stunned when Loki revealed what he's been doing with his paychecks. They've all taken a liking to him and that's actually a really good thing but even then, I don't know if even they will be able to handle it when Loki inevitably does lose his shit." Fury said forebodingly.
As the elevator finally reached the helicarrier's main bridge level Maria turned to Fury and gave him a small smile. At Fury's questioning look Maria spoke.
" Shouldn't count any of the Avengers out Director, especially not Captain America. I get the feeling he'd move heaven and earth for our newest Norse God." She said lightly as she stepped over the threshold and walked off towards one of the alcoves before Fury could respond.
Fury watched her go with his eye wide, the only outward sign of him being taken slightly aback by her bold words. Then he simply gave a small shrug and made his way over to the main bridge.
" Can't say you're off base there Hill. It's gonna be interesting to say the least." Fury said to himself, having seen first hand that Steve Rogers and Loki Odinson cared very deeply for one another, perhaps just as friends, perhaps as something far deeper, it was just too early to tell. As he stepped forward and retook command of the helicarrier, he gave the order to head back to Washington where the Director of SHIELD had no doubt he would be having a very interesting debriefing of his own with the WSC.
Meanwhile, back at Avenger's Tower once everyone had filed back into Tony's penthouse and been greeted warmly by Jarvis, all eyes were either subtly or blatantly glued to Loki as the tall, raven-haired god made his way over to the circular sofa and sank down onto it with a soft sigh, burying his face in his hands. Thor was immediately at Loki's side sinking down beside him. Before Thor or anyone else could say anything, Loki looked up at them. He looked tired but overall okay as he spoke.
" Let me assure you, I am alright. Not great by any means, but I'm not going to do anything rash." Loki said firmly before he leaned back against the soft cushion of Tony's couch and ran a hand through his wavy black hair.
" Can I make you something to eat?" Steve asked quietly as he stepped forward and eyed Loki with subtle concern.
Loki turned his bright green eyes to Steve and felt warmth spread through him along with the now familiar anxiety that had gripped him earlier today in the elevator as he and Thor had come upstairs for breakfast.
He loved this man, this extraordinary, wonderful man.
" Thank you for offering Steve but there is no need, I am not hungry right now." Loki said as he sent Steve a warm look.
" Okay, but I am gonna get started on making lunch in a little bit. Is there anything specific you would like?" Steve asked.
" If dinner last night last night and breakfast today are anything to go on, the afternoon meal you speak of will be absolutely delicious. I shall enjoy whatever you make Steve." Loki assured, causing Steve's cheeks to take on a rosey hue as the Super soldier smiled shyly and resisted the urge to duck his head.
Thor looked between Loki and Steve, wanting to say something but deciding to stave off for the time being. Loki had been through enough of an ordeal and Steve was his friend as much as Loki's. Thor's suspicions and his protective instincts had gone into overdrive but he decided to take a page out of his brother's book and be patient rather than charging straight into things head-first without any kind of thought or plan as he had done in the past.
A sudden green glow beside him broke Thor out of his musings as he turned his gaze to Loki in time to see his brother magic away his formal Asgardian attire and conjure himself into a simple white button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and dark blue jeans. Even dressed down to something so casual Loki made Steve's heart stutter.
" GQ model's back." Tony thought to himself with a half smile, still tickled that the real Loki had adapted himself so well to Earth and managed to look amazingly good while doing it. Then wanting to break the residual tension that seemed to be clinging to his penthouse, Tony spoke.
" Alright enough with this moping, the debriefing with grim and one-eyed actually went better than expected. How about we all take a page outta the same book as Handsome Trixie over here and go get changed, then come back here and just hang out or help Captain Domesticity with his epic meal prep?" Tony asked as he looked around at his friends.
Tony's words had the desired effects as Loki let out a genuine silvery chuckle and everyone else deflated and smiled.
" Go and change brother." Loki ordered with mock sternness before his face broke out into a genuine grin as he continued.
" I'll be parked right here when you return." Loki added assuringly.
Thor huffed and nodded before promptly seizing Loki in a tight hug.
" Oh you're crushing me you giant oaf!" Loki cried in mock distress even when he squeezed Thor back just as tightly.
Thor chuckled against Loki's soft black hair and Clint had to clear his suddenly tight throat at the tender sight. Hulk rumbled in approval within Bruce while Tony looked quietly thoughtful. Steve felt more glad than ever for whatever small part he had played in convincing Loki to reunite with Thor yesterday. Natasha stayed as neutral as ever, though there was warmed in her hazel green eyes.
With a final rumbling chuckle Thor reluctantly let go of Loki and stood up from the sofa.
" C'mon Thor, let's head downstairs." Steve said quietly, sending Loki a smile and quashing down the longing that welled up in the pit of his stomach as he gazed at his green-eyed friend and secret love.
" See you in a bit Loki." He said softly.
" Of course Steve." Loki said with his smile brightening a little.
With a few more words of reassurance to Thor, Loki sat back and watched as everyone save for Tony, who's room was right down the hallway from the penthouse, made their way to the waiting elevator. Loki and Tony both waved cheekily at the others before the door slid shut. From where he sat Loki turned to face Tony.
Brilliant green eyes met those of deep coffee brown. The Norse God and the genius inventor regarded each other without saying a word. Then Tony made the first move, slowly making his way adjacent to the back of the circular sofa, coming to stand beside Loki with the back of the sofa being the only thing separating them. Still without uttering a single word, Tony slowly reached out, telegraphing his movements and giving Loki all the time to pull away. However, Loki didn't move away he stayed still and let Tony's warm hand settle over his shoulder and gently squeeze it.
Loki felt his eyes start to burn, barely keeping his expression from crumbling completely as he started into Tony's deep brown eyes.
Eyes that were filled with understanding, eyes that belonged to a fellow survivor of unspeakable torture and darkness. Pursing his lips in an effort to keep them from trembling, Loki reached up and covered Tony's hand with his own. He tucked his thumb under Tony's forefinger, while Tony hooked his own thumb over Loki's pinky. They stayed connected that way for several long moments.
Then Tony blinked and averted his gaze, looking more shy and fragile than Loki or anyone else for that matter had ever witnessed him be. Still holding onto each other, Tony turned his gaze up towards the ceiling to address the room's other occupant.
" Hey Jarv?" Tony said lightly.
" I am here sir." Came the ever faithful British accented voice.
Tony needed a moment to clear his throat, sending a patented Tony Stark smirk Loki's way to tell him without words that he was just fine before he spoke to Jarvis again.
" Put something mindlessly funny on the TV and uh... just take care of our Trickster. Give him a heads up before any of the others get back up here." Tony ordered lightly.
" Understood sir. Rest assured you're safe with me Mr. Odinson." Jarvis vowed.
Loki let out a small huff and sent Tony a shy but grateful look at once again being called "our Trickster" by the Man of Iron as he nodded and turned his green eyes to the ceiling.
" I know I am Jarvis, thank you." He said quietly.
" See you in a bit Bon Bon." Tony said with a final squeeze and using this mornings nickname before letting go of Loki's shoulder, albeit with more reluctance than he cared to admit.
" Indeed, see you in a few Muffin of Awesomeness." Loki replied with a shaky smile and his composure finally starting to crumble.
With a curt not Tony all but fled down the hall, knowing that Loki was finally about to break and wanting to afford him as much privacy and dignity as he could. Part of him wanted to stay and actually hold Loki but Tony recognized that what Loki wanted now was to be alone, because that was what he himself had wanted once he had gotten home after having to go through the media circus after he had returned from his own confinement in Afghanistan.
Once he was sure that he was alone, Loki just sat there for several moments before he let out a long, shaky breath and his sight finally blurred. With a groan Loki doubled over and buried his face in his hands as he began to quietly sob. He didn't give in to the urge to wail at the top of his lungs, just allowed himself to not be so composed for a little bit, since he was more or less by himself. He even allowed his veils to fall, while still concentrating enough to keep his double operating at the museum.
Through the branches of Yggdrasil to the Realm Eternal, the ever watchful eyes of Heimdall finally caught sight of the long absent second prince. To see Loki sitting alone in Tony Stark's living room, quietly weeping, made something in the seasoned gatekeeper ache. Outwardly Heimdall was as stoic as ever, but inwardly he horrendous guilt that had become his ever constant companion reared its ugly head again. Heimdall was seeing for himself the fruits of his failure, his prejudice, his stupidity. Taking a deep breath Heimdall closed his eyes and reached out with his mind to his rulers.
" Allfather and Allmother, I humbly ask your permission to speak for I have news regarding both of our princes." He rumbled.
There was a flash of golden light behind him that filled the entire observatory and then Heimdall let go of the hilt of his great swords and turned to see both Odin and Frigga standing in the doorway, the rulers of Asgard, but more importantly two parents who had been most desperate for any news of their youngest child.
" Allfather, Allmother." Heimdall greeted with a bow.
" Gatekeeper." Odin acknowledged while Frigga gave a nod before stepping forward with barely veiled eagerness.
" What news have you of my sons Heimdall?" The Queen of Asgard asked, trying to stay composed but with her heart pounding against her chest.
Odin wordlessly stepped up beside her, taking one of Frigga's hands into his own and squeezing it tightly, all the while keeping his own expression as unreadable as ever.
" My queen, our princes have finally reunited on Midgard. Prince Loki now sits in the living quarters of the Man of Iron in the tower Prince Thor and his fellow warriors reside in." Heimdall replied.
" Thank the Norns. How is he, how is Loki?" Frigga asked desperately.
She and Odin both frowned as Heimdall averted his gaze a moment and a look of sadness spread across his face.
" Heimdall?" Odin asked firmly.
" He was veiled from my sight for all this time, the only reason I have sight of him now is due to his letting the veils of seidr fall at this moment. He sits in the Man of Iron's living room and weeps quietly. Something taxing has surely happened to him." The Gatekeeper explained.
Frigga's breath hitched and Odin allowed his sadness to shone through in his single blue eyes before the Allmother's face grew determined and she reached out towards her Gatekeeper.
" Show him to us Heimdall, show us our son right now." She said with her voice leaving no room for argument.
Odin wordlessly held out his other hand, mirroring his wife. Not needing to be told twice, Heimdall reached out and clasped both his arms with those of his rulers and closed his eyes, concentrating and forging the quick connection between the three of them so that Odin and Frigga could see what he was seeing. Frigga and Odin's eye shut in perfect unison for a moment, and when they opened again their iris' bore the same glowing orange hue as their Gatekeeper.
Frigga gasped softly as she finally beheld her youngest son the smile on her face quickly crumbling as she saw Loki crying in desolation by himself.
" My son." Odin whispered as he beheld his wayward child for the first time after so many moons.
Though it pained both mother and father that the first sight of the son after so long was of him quietly shedding tears while sitting in the Midgardian Man of Iron's living room, Frigga and Odin both felt immensely relieved to see that their Loki looked otherwise alright. In all these days of searching and worrying both parents had dreaded what state their youngest would be in when at last they looked upon him again.
He was still much too skinny for Frigga's liking, and too tired by Odin's standard, but overall their boy looked way better than he had been here in Asgard. Mother and Father watched as Loki sat up straight and unburied his face from his hands. With shimmering lines of salt still carving trails down his pale cheeks, Loki's green eyes suddenly looked straight ahead, seemingly right at his parents so far away in the Realm Eternal.
In that moment Odin felt the bottom drop out of his stomach as he caught sight of Loki's quiet desolation and despair. Even after his boy had woken up from the healing sleep, after the shock had worn off Loki had pulled himself together and shuttered away his true emotions. The sight of Loki's quiet but profound despair in this moment made Odin realize yet again just how horrible a mistake it had been to put his son's horrifying ordeal on display for all of Asgard to see. Yes he had berated and chastised his people in the wake of Loki leaving Asgard, but fat lot of help that did for Loki.
Failure, he had failed his son. Odin actually averted his gaze for a moment before he forced himself to look back at his son. There could be no more looking away.
No more.
From where she stood Frigga has tears carving trails down her own pale cheeks, her heart lurching painfully inside her chest as her own feelings of failure threatened to drown her. She was Queen of Asgard, but more importantly she was the mother of the green eyed boy who sat crying alone in Midgard, and a blue eyed boy who was currently out of sight. She should never have allowed the travesty that had happened in the Great Hall to ever happen. It would have been enough that she and her husband knew of Loki's full ordeal and the rest of Asgard be damned. She had thought naively that Asgard's people would have realized how wrong demanding Loki's memories be show actually was, that they would themselves be victimizing their second Prince. She had put too much faith in the people she ruled over and it had cost her dearly, it had cost her, her youngest son and by proxy her eldest.
Yes, Thor had gone back to Midgard to retake his duties as a member of the Avengers and to search for Loki high and low, but Frigga was their mother. She knew full well that after seeing what his brother had been put through, Thor was fucking pissed with the people he was Prince over, and that he was a little mad at her and Odin too. He had clearly renounced Sif, while Fandral, Hogun, and Volstaag had held onto their relationships with Thor by the barest thread, but Frigga and Odin had both been keenly aware that after what had transpired in the Great Hall, Thor has slowly started to withdraw from the both of them too.
As she gazed at Loki through her own tears Frigga felt the acrid burn of shame overtake her, because finally seeing her youngest again after so long just drove it home once again that what she and her husband had allowed had not been the justification and vindication they had wanted to give him. Allowing Loki's ordeal to be projected had hurt both of their sons in ways that would resonate for the rest of their natural lives.
Frigga was ripped from her thoughts when she, Odin, and Heimdall all watched as Loki sat up straight, willed away the open despair and pain on his face through sheer force of will, and then reached up to wipe away the salt that clung to his cheeks.
" No my darling, wait a moment. Please don't go." Frigga said softly, wanting to reach out, to take her boy into her arms, to still keep seeing him at least.
Odin watched on powerless as Loki composed himself and with his green eyes flashing minutely with seidr, reestablished the veils that had shielded him from Heimdall's sight for so long. Like a mist he vanished from his parents' sight, leaving only a dull grayness to their vision and Heimdall's. With a rumble of disappointment, Heimdall gently severed the link between himself and his rulers.
" Wife we must go to our sons, now that they are reunited and we know where they are." Odin said stepping away with purpose. However he stopped dead in his tracks at Frigga's reply.
" No." Frigga said, though it looked like saying such a simple word was actually killing her as she turned tearful but resolute eyes to her husband.
" Frigga?" Odin asked with a frown while Heimdall looked to his queen in askance.
Frigga took a deep breath and wiped away her own tears, standing tall and composing herself just like she had seen her youngest do mere moments ago. She turned fully and faced her husband, stepping forward and closing the distance between them.
" I know you want to see our boys, I want that too, so very much but we can't. Neither Thor nor Loki are ready. In your heart you know this my love." Frigga said even with her breath hitching and her heart breaking.
" But they are finally together, we finally know where Loki is." Odin said, trying his best to sound neutral and composed.
" I know husband, but you heard what Heimdall has said. Loki was weeping, something truly taxing happened to our boy to make him cry so openly and if my suspicions are correct then it undoubtedly had to do with what Thanos and his ilk did to him, and the part we played in compounding his pain. We must be patient my King, with both our youngest and our eldest. You know as well as I do that it doesn't matter if you are a king or a farmer, sometimes our children get angry with us and have every right to be. It has been months but given everything, ours boys need more time, especially our youngest. But I truly believe that the day will come when Loki will reach out to us." Frigga said with conviction before she huffed a small, pained laugh as she reached up and cupped Odin's bearded cheek.
" Rest assured my King, when that day finally comes you can go running to them then and I will be right beside you." She said as her breath hitched again.
Odin deflated at his wife's words, leaning into her hand and nodding, knowing that she was indeed right as she often was.
From where he stood, Heimdall stayed silent because he did not want to interrupt the sad but loving moment between his King and Queen. There was something he wished to share with them, something very important regarding Loki and how he was veiling himself.
From where he stood Heimdall remained silent, not wanting to interrupt the sad but loving moment taking place between his king and queen and also wanting to mull over what he had just seen regarding Loki's veiling, and just how powerful it was.
More powerful than it ever had been in the past.
When Frigga withdrew her hand in order to take one of Odin's hands into her own, Heimdall finally stepped forward.
" Pardon me Allfather and Allmother but I must speak with you before you take your leave of me." He said quietly.
" What is it Heimdall?" Odin as he and Frigga stepped looked to their Gatekeeper in askance.
" As we observed his highness the second Prince I noticed something odd about the way he veiled himself from my sight." Heimdall began to explain.
" What do you mean? Loki's skills in seidr are such that he has veiled himself from you many times, what is different now?" Odin asked with a hint of pride in his words.
" Yes Allfather he has, much to my annoyance, but never has he done so for such a prolonged period of time. In the past he would veil himself but doing such a thing would put a strain on him physically and he would let the veil fall for a time to rest and recover, and I would keep sight of him to ensure he was safe but it had been many moons and this was the first I beheld him, and never has my vision gone completely gray as it did. He had not only veiled himself but the entire tower where he is currently located. I cannot even see Thor or the warriors of Midgard. Much has changed with him my King, so it could stand to reason his seidr has evolved too, Prince Loki has grown exponentially stronger." Heimdall said with a bow of his head.
Odin looked to Frigga, both of their eyes wide for a moment at the startling revelation before Frigga's face turned into a slow, proud smile as a telling glint filled her dark blue eyes.
" Our Loki grew stronger where others would have shattered. Our son." She said firmly.
Odin allowed warmth to come to his own eye as he nodded to his wife and queen in agreement.
" Our son." He said simply before he turned to his gatekeeper.
" Watch over our sons as best you can Heimdall. Though we may want them back with all our hearts, we shall not disturb them unless absolutely necessary. Let Thor be the first to rebuild his bridges with Loki. We shall wait, or perhaps find a gentler way." Odin decreed earning a look of love and approval from his queen.
Odin and Frigga took their leave of Heimdall then, disappearing in a flash of gold light and leaving the Gatekeeper to his task. As he turned back to the expanse before him and focused his eyes on the gray patch that now veiled Avenger's tower, Heimdall sighed.
He could only hope for the best and for a chance of his own to make amends to Loki.
Back at Avenger's Tower...
Loki let out a deep breath and reigned in his raging emotions, even using a tiny bit of seidr to banish away the redness from his eyes.
" Are you alright Mr. Odinson?" Jarvis asked quietly as the mindless comedy Tony had asked him to play on the TV droned on at low volume.
" Yes Jarvis, I am well. The debriefing with Directer Fury was most taxing, it dredged up matters that are still quite hard to deal with, emotions I usually do my best to ignore. I just couldn't hold it all in anymore." Loki said with a tired smile.
" Indeed sir, but the debrief has ended, the good Director has taken his leave, and you are in the company of those who have been waiting for you for many months." Jarvis said sagely.
Loki still felt a thrill of astonishment at Jarvis' words regarding the Avengers. Thor he could understand, he was his brother after all but the eagerness and uncomplicated way the others had so readily welcomed him, even Clint Barton, had left the usually unflappable Trickster stunned.
Before Loki could say anything Jarvis' always pleasant voice sounded.
" Please be advised, as per Sir's earlier directive, I must inform you that one of the tower's residents is about to exit the elevator and rejoin you here in the penthouse." The AI said.
Loki had only a few moments to fully compose himself before his eyes eagerly went to the doors of the elevator a few feet away. As Loki rose to his own feet the door to the elevator finally slid open.
A familiar blue eyed blond eagerly stepped out.