BPOV

Edward and I used to have great sex. Like, really, really, great sex.

We'd fuck whenever we got a chance - wherever we got a chance. Edward was young and volatile when we met, and for him, a lot of that energy translated well into sex. Once we started, we couldn't seem to find an off switch. We'd have full marathons where we wouldn't leave his apartment until one of his brothers dragged him out. We'd even sneak off to hotels to hide away just so that we could fuck without interruption. He gave as much as he got, and it meant us having a very healthy relationship.

Until it didn't.

Until sex destroyed our marriage.

But that's not the point I'm trying to make.

What I'm trying to say is that hotels and Edward and I have a strange relationship. Aside from the marathons of sex, we've had some rough times at hotels. Once, when Cosa Nostra wasn't getting along with the British syndicate, whatever they called themselves at the time, there had been an attempt to kidnap me from my hotel room in New York while Edward was out. They had managed to grab me and transport me, kicking and screaming, to the underground level before one of Emmett's men who had stayed behind on a fucking fluke realized what was happening and shot and killed the men who tried to make off with me.

Another time, Edward had gotten shot while fucking around in Paris and nearly bled out in our hotel room. I spent most of the night trying to stop the bleeding after I dug the bullet out of his side. We had to pay a lot of money to housekeeping to cover that shit up.

More recently, I received pictures of Edward fucking another woman in several different hotel rooms.

So there's that.

And now, here we were, checking into a room so that we could hash out what remained of our marriage.

I wasn't really thrilled about the situation.

Ironically, since Carlisle took the penthouse suite, we ended up in the honeymoon suite. Edward ushered me into the room, and suddenly became a busy body. I stood at the entrance of the room and watched as he carried my bags towards the wardrobe, then moved towards the bathroom.

"How about a bath? I'll draw you a bath." He told me this without looking at me, and I waited a few moments before I followed him into the bathroom. He was at the large tub, which was running hot water and causing the bathroom to fog up. I moved and sat on the lid of the toilet, watching as he added oils and soaps to the water. After a moment of hesitation, he stood back up and looked at me, seemingly surprised that I was just watching him.

"Will you… are you going to..?"

I'd never seen him so unsure. I pursed my lips and nodded.

"I will. Once you leave the bathroom." Edward is shocked for a moment before resignation sags his shoulders. I hate to see my husband, my tough husband, ever looks as lost as he currently does. But then I remember how we got here and I don't feel bad any longer.

He nods, and exits the bathroom, closing the door softly behind him. I wait a moment before rising and undressing, sinking my exhausted limbs into the hot water. The water soothes me as I prepare for what will inevitably be a battle between husband and wife. A battle where husband will try to atone for and justify his sins. A battle where I desperately search for a reason to trust him again. But my problem was that I didn't think I could go back to being his wife. I didn't know if I could stand by in this life anymore, constantly questioning his every move now that I had a reason to. Regardless of his reasoning, or the pressure he faced from Carlisle, Edward had cheated. Multiple times. And that was something I couldn't get over. I don't even feel like it would be different to me if it had only been the one time. I had seen with my own eyes some of the things he did with Tanya that I could never unsee. Did I want to be with him after knowing what I know? After seeing him in another woman?

Another problem I faced was that despite everything, I still loved Edward. I didn't think that would disappear anytime soon. But was it enough to forgive him? Was it enough to forget?

I sighed as I got out of the bath, drying off and wrapping myself up in the robe that the hotel had left in here. It took me a few minutes to gather the courage to leave the room, but I finally did. Edward was sitting on the bed, his hands in his hair, pulling it in a million directions. He looked up at me, and his face was shadowed but I could see his desperation.

"Hi," he greeted me as I sat down on the couch in the sitting room, warily watching him as he pulled his hair. I nodded in acknowledgment. It only takes another beat or two of silence before he speaks up.

"Bella, I never meant for any of this to happen. You know I never wanted to be here." His voice is soft, pleading. It immediately invokes my ire and I scoff.

"I don't know anything right now, Edward. I feel as though I don't know you."

"You know me better than anyone!" He protests, seemingly miffed by what I said.

"I don't know you at all!" I argue, all those weeks and sleepless nights of anger and pain bubbling to the surface inside of me. "What kind of man is weak enough to let the peer pressure of his father break his marriage vows? Hmm?" Edward's shoulders drop slightly at my words, and I press on. "And not only were you dumb enough to do it once, you did it more than once and got caught! Some kind of mafia genius you are, right honey?" I spit acidly at him. The term of faux-endearment finally breaks him out of his frozen state and ignites his anger.

"You haven't even tried to hear my point of view! You have no clue what it was like for me!" he yells, standing up from his perch on the bed.

"Then fucking tell me!" I scream back, standing to mirror his stance. "I'm sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for cheating on your wife!"

Edward doesn't sink down at my jab but stands taller, eyes lit with rage.

"My entire life, my wellbeing and my welfare - our welfare - is based on the life and the business that my father created. And when my loyalties came into question because of my relationship with you, my father started to push me in directions that I never wanted to be. I see now he was just trying to test my loyalty in some royally twisted way, but he's my father! He's been in my life and supporting me long before you ever were around. So please, forgive me for following the direction of my family instead of my child of a wife."

"Oh, a child!" I laugh, throwing my hands up. "Even if I am a child, I'm not a cheater. So I guess I really don't mind it."

"Bella, I fought him and struggled with this for almost a year before I gave in! Why do you think it only got bad recently?"

"If by 'it' you mean our marriage, I suspected you were cheating the whole time. I knew it was coming, but I somehow deluded myself into believing you would never actually do it, especially with your convincing 'I-would-never-ever-cheat' act when we first started dating. I should have known you were just doing that so you could fuck me, not because you actually meant it."

Edward groans, fisting his hair in his hands and stalking closer to me in the sitting area.

"If I only wanted to fuck you, why would I marry your moody ass? Huh? It's not like it's fun dealing with your fucking mood swings."

"I don't know why you married me at all! Mood swings or not, you're not fit to be a fucking husband! I don't know how I even love you, Edward! You're toxic, you're evil, and I hate everything you stand for." I finish my rant with a huff sinking back onto the couch, crossing my arms and legs, and refusing to look at him. If he wanted to call me childish, I would act childish.

My words seem to have struck a chord, however, as he slowly sinks into the opposite chair, looking at me blankly. There are several moments of harsh silence before he finally speaks up.

"You still love me, then? Despite everything?"

I sigh, uncrossing my arms and rolling my eyes. "You can't just get rid of emotion like that, Edward. Despite everything, I have loved you for many years, and that love is still there. But I'm not the same. We're not the same. And I don't think I can do this anymore," I admit.

"What?" he chokes out, looking at me with wide eyes, and I feel a pain in my chest at the anguish in his eyes. I close my eyes to take a deep breath, then open them, looking him dead on.

"I can't do this anymore, Edward. I want out."

And it's like a weight is lifted off of my shoulders as I utter those words. Despite the pain and dismay on his face, everything that has troubled me for the past year or so is resolved in those two sentences. I hadn't realized in all my time whining and moping that this was the direction I was heading, but now that the words were out, it felt so right. Because despite the fact that I love Edward, and most likely always would, I couldn't go back to my life before. And I couldn't go back to being with someone who I knew wasn't loyal to me. Even if he recommitted and renounced everything he had done, I could never let him inside of me again, knowing where he had been. I could never trust him again.

Suddenly, he was on his knees in front of me, pulling my hand into his own. "Bella, please. I didn't want it, I didn't mean it. I swear, it could never happen again. I love you, Bella, only you. You're all I've ever wanted. I need you. You're not done, you can't be." He pleaded. "You promised me forever, Bella. You promised!"

I could feel the tears tracking down my face, but I stood my ground, pulling my hand from his.

"You promised loyalty, Edward. I'd say our promises don't mean all that much at this point, wouldn't you?"

And with that, I stood up, marching over to the wardrobe and pulling my bag from in front of it. I tried to ignore the fact that I was sobbing, ignore that the man I loved was on his knees begging behind me. My mind was made up.

"Bella, don't," Edward whispered. "Please don't do this."

I closed my eyes, wiping my face of tears, before turning around to face him. I took one last look at him, so different from the cocky man I met so many years ago. His hair was in disarray now, his face blotchy and his eyes wet.

"I love you, Edward. That will never, ever change." I make my way to the door, ready to move on, in whatever way I could make that happen. I knew it would be a battle, but I was resolved on moving forward from this chapter of my life.

As soon as I made it to the door, I felt a hand on my shoulder, spinning me around, and suddenly his lips crashed down onto my own. I whimpered into the kiss, drowning in his passion, and I met it with my own. Our kiss was one of desperation, of pain and longing and goodbye. It was teeth and pressure and force and nipping and sucking. It seemed to last forever until finally, we had to pull away to breathe, and Edward leaned his forehead on my own, inhaling my air and caressing my face.

I took a moment to appreciate our love, our marriage, our years of happiness before everything went to shit. I took that moment to let it all go.

"Goodbye, Edward," I whispered, and quickly turned away, twisting the door handle and suddenly I was in the hallway. The door clattered shut behind me, leaving me standing in a robe, face coated in salty tears, anxious and ready for something new.

A/N: Okay, wow. It's been forever. It's crazy to think about everything that has happened to me since I started writing this story, but this has been hands down, the worst yeat I've ever experienced. I'm so so sorry for taking so long to write this, and a HUGE thank you to everyone who stuck it out and waited patiently (or impatiently) for new chapters. You're amazing.

An epilogue is coming soon. xx orionsnights