Hello my lovelies! The most sincere apologies from the both of us for the longest delay ever. We are up and running for winter break and doing our absolute best. This is an early Christmas present to you and a promise that we will never leave our precious universe behind. Love to all of you and please send us reviews with your thoughts (or just to say hello!). Happy holidays from us both.

XO keeperofwords and Hayley

Chapter 14: When I Grow Up

Raindrops tapped against the window of the master bedroom with a slightly off beat but still somehow rhythmic quality that would usually send Shelby Corcoran into a blissful sleep. It didn't matter that they were not yet back in the mansion, with the Ohio crickets chirping in syncopation, nor did it matter that the rain pounding against the building often sounded like applause. In the city, more often than not, that was usually in collaboration with a stray car horn here and there. The city noise used to help her sleep, and when they had first moved to Ohio she'd had to use a noise machine, but this was not a usual night because it had not been a typical day.

Though one could argue there were no typical days for Shelby Corcoran and Cassandra July, the funeral and gathering afterwards had been nothing short of a circus. Both of the July sisters had fallen into their beds, exhaustion instantly taking over. Rachel, much like her biological mother, was not having as easy of a time falling asleep. The nine year old was still put out on the behavior of the two sisters' relatives. It had taken not one story from the fairy tale book, but two and a lullaby for her brown eyes to finally close.

For Shelby, sleep would not come. The sheets felt like a twenty pound weighted blanket. Her mind tossed around a mix of memories and emotions that were moving as fast as her fingers could play piano keys. Shelby dared not trouble her life partner with this, instead keeping inside the feeling she hadn't experienced in what felt like a lifetime, though the familiarity was frightening. Pangs of nausea sat in the pit of her stomach accompanying a bitter taste in her mouth as she thought of the person who had laid the foundation for what her life had become.

Under the blanket, her skin crawled remembering the brush through she had with one mourner that had come to pay their final respects to her wife's parents. Hazel eyes reflected back at her and the encounter had almost knocked her off balance in her heels. Shelby had grabbed ahold of her wife's upper arm to regain her composure from the shock.

Fighting her restlessness, Shelby threw the covers back and slipped from the bed, her feet carrying her to the kitchen for something to drink. She was unsure how strong of a drink she was craving, and though the idea of a stiff one tempted her, the desire to have a clear head moved her instead to fix a cup of warm milk.

While it heated, Shelby moved up and down the hallway of the apartment to check on the loves of her life. Cadence was sleeping in her pack-and-play portable crib, stretched out with her arms above her head, fast asleep. In the same shared room, in the daybed, Rachel lay on her side, her arms and legs tucked in to make her appear smaller than her petite frame already did.

Shelby walked a little further before propping her shoulder against the doorframe of the master bedroom and watching her wife sleep. Cassandra was clutching at the pillow that likely still had Shelby's scent attached to it. For a moment Shelby felt guilty enough to want to crawl back under the covers, but before she gave into that feeling and the impending tossing and turning she knew she would face, Shelby shuffled back to the kitchen and retrieved her mug of milk, taking it to the living room window.

The city that never slept shone lights that only blackout curtains could hide, but Shelby loved the sight, and sat down on the floor against the glass of the window, letting it wrap around her from behind. She stared down into the street below, not nearly as busy as per usual in the daylight, but at one in the morning taxis still traversed around the city blocks, and this constant ability to move comforted her. It felt freeing, the idea of being able to leave at any time and have a clear head- the ability to do whatever she wanted. A FedEx truck flashed its lights a few blocks down the street, and just below her building, a couple stood next to a parked convertible where a man kissed a woman as he helped her out of the car. Shelby assumed that the woman was a neighbor of theirs, but it had been so long since she lived in the building that she was no longer familiar.

Gods, I used to get home at this hour after a night on the town… networking and cocktail parties and shows...late night tech runs and god awful dress rehearsals… seems like a lifetime ago…

Shelby had to remind herself that it could not have been that long ago because she wasn't that old. She took a small, tentative sip from her milk mug. Any hope that the liquid would lift her mood and calm the clamor of memories dancing through her mind was quickly extinguished when she realized that the milk was soured, and she sped to the kitchen to spit it into the sink.

Well, it's not like we've had time to go to the grocery store, and we've been in the city much longer than we anticipated… Shelby reminded herself. Every meal consumed on this trip had been fast food, and she was quickly growing lethargic and bloated from it. She thought back to Cassandra and her worries about her new stretch marks and sighed, knowing that their current diet was doing nothing to help. It worried her that Cassandra's eating disorder was rearing its ugly head again in the midst of her stress, and she hoped that it wouldn't continue to get worse. It was the last thing Cassandra needed on top of everything else, and Shelby wondered if she couldn't convince Cassandra to go out with her to one of the cafés they used to frequent.

Gods, what I wouldn't give for some good espresso from Cafe Bari, Shelby thought to herself. Unable to nix the urge to prowl the city and join those late night New Yorkers with a similar mindset to hers, Shelby headed back to the window. The street lights caused the rain puddles to glisten. Shelby stared down into the streets below for such a long time that her mind glazed over. Memories she had been able to clamp down on earlier burst to the forefront, giving her an instant headache. She'd shut the door to these thoughts years ago, yet she felt a strong force compelling her to see sheet music whenever she closed her eyes.

She'd been forced into piano lessons from the time her legs were long enough to reach the pedals. Voice lessons followed by the age of five, when her mother had driven her for over an hour and a half commute, three times a week to Columbus. From the amount of water she had to drink to keep her vocal chords lubricated, she used to get awful bladder infections that made her miserable; her mother never let her stop to use the restroom when driving to or from lessons, because her mother hated to waste time. Straight from voice, Shelby was ushered to dance lessons-ballet, tap, jazz-and when they would finally make it home, personal trainers greeted her and mentored her for manners and posture. Shelby had learned mental fortitude, endurance, and had gained the toughest of skins after a barrage of daily criticism.

By the age of seven, Shelby had an epiphany of sorts. Her mother's sharp tongued verbal abuse hurt less if she anticipated them ahead of time. Eventually, she no longer flinched at her mother's outbursts. Instead, Shelby stood with her back straight and pushed herself so her mother wouldn't have to, always striving for perfection. Her mother often boasted that she had built Shelby's character and resilience, which Shelby gathered was probably the truth, but even back then she could only handle so much at a time. She used to slip out the back door of her house once her parents had gone to bed and would prowl the empty streets, restlessly, until she finally exhausted herself enough to force her body to sleep. Later in the night, she would tiredly climb back into her bed, holding on to her sense of purpose and clutching tightly to her goal of "making it" on Broadway's biggest stage.

That sort of mentality had gotten Shelby to the top of the world. She had walked the red carpet, won awards, and performed in some of the biggest and most memorable shows in Broadway history. She had reaped the benefits of her mother's "Big Plan" to become a star, and when she won her Tony she swore her mother would finally be proud of her. But the day she won her Tony, Shelby did not even bother to mention her mother. Instead, she had thanked her Aunt Dee for saving her when her world fell apart, and her lover, Cassandra July, who would (not long afterwards) become her wife.

Now Shelby had it all, and she was acutely aware of that. She ran an incredibly successful school, she was finally reunited with her daughter, and now a beautiful baby who was the spitting image of her blonde haired goddess of a wife was part of their family. She was truly grateful for all that she had. But sitting in her old apartment at two in the morning, memories brought on by an unsettlingly familiar figure had her feeling like the room was closing in on her. Her chest tightened and she felt the need to gasp for air.

The rain and noise of the city beckoned her like a Siren's call. The quandary for her was whether she would blindly surrender to its song and stumble out into the New York City night in a rainstorm, alone, or stay in the safety of the apartment surrounded by her family. Her thoughts were interrupted by her lover's sensual tone.

"Sweetheart?" Cassie's voice was more pertinent than the siren's that had threatened to put her under its spell. "Shelby?"

Loving arms wrapped around Shelby's midriff and she felt herself being gathered into comfort. The siren's voice was muted by her wife's crooning to her, reiterating that she was loved, safe, and that she wasn't alone. Shelby held close to Cassandra, whose words grounded her. Her anchor when she needed one most.

Shelby knew she needed to tell Cassandra about the panic attack she'd almost had, and who she thought she had seen in the church earlier that day. The words stuck on the tip of her tongue, as she was unsure how to even begin phrasing something that would sound so outlandish.

"Do you want to take a walk, love?" Cassandra asked, her voice warm as she whispered in her ear. Shelby could only feel herself nodding into her wife's neck. Her Cassandra knew her well.

Ten minutes later, they were stepping out into the night. Cassandra laced her fingers with her wife's, and they had only made it a block when the rain started to let up, the night quieting. Rain dripped from the trees and cars sped down main streets while traffic was relatively light, though many of the side streets remained dark, with parked cars hugging the curb.

The voices that had called Shelby to wander into the darkness left an oppressive heaviness in the air that she found herself bogged down by. To stop walking was unimaginable. To do so would be an invitation to surrender to those eyes that she had seen in the church. Shelby felt herself splinter into a million pieces the last time she had looked into those eyes-the last time she had seen her mother, right after her newborn baby was whisked from her body and from her life. Her father had trailed after the crying child, but her mother had stayed in the delivery room with her. She said nothing, staring at her daughter with a haunted, guilty conscience. Shelby had shared a similar look with the mourning woman earlier that day, which had scared her to pieces. She wanted to talk about it. She knew she should talk about it with Cass. Cass was more than her lover, she was her best friend. She could share anything with her and usually did. But right now, this lingered on the tip of her tongue.

So, they walked.

Their silent walking led them to 2nd avenue towards one of the only open places on the entire street block: Insomnia Cookies. It was somewhere the two of them frequented in college because it was a quick sugar fix and they stayed open until 3 am. They shared a look and then entered the little bakery, ordering a box of favorites and two bottles of milk to go with them. What they didn't eat they would take back to the apartment for the girls to have later.

The bakery was so small that there were no tables, but there was a small bench just outside where they could sit and relax. Shelby opened the box of cookies and offered one to Cassandra. The double chocolate chunk tempted her, but she shook her head softly and just held up the milk bottle. Shelby pressed her lips together tightly. Cassandra was watching her sugar intake again, but now was not the time to bring that up. She stared into Cassandra's eyes for a moment before taking a cookie for herself and setting the box on the bench beside them.

"Do you remember the first time we came here?" Cass asked her wife, who had said very little since they left the apartment.

Shelby broke apart her cookie, picking out a chocolate chip and popping it into her mouth. How could she forget?

"It was with Holly," Shelby answered carefully. "She dragged us here because she wanted to spy on that red-head in her classical lit class. She wanted to ask the girl out, but she was French or something and needed you to translate."

"Yeah, Holly didn't know I had a D in that class," Cass laughed, thinking back to all the good times they'd had together. It felt like a lifetime ago. "If memory serves me, neither needed words to communicate by the end of the night. They ditched us to go to Phoenix Bar and stiffed us with her bill."

"But there was that other time too," Shelby admitted. "You kissed me for the first time, claiming I had chocolate on my face. I expected you to wipe it with a napkin, but instead you kissed my cheek and then nibbled at the chocolate with your lips." Shelby broke off another piece of cookie and popped it into her mouth. "I have never been able to look at cookies the same way."

"I was never good with words, Shelbs. Even back then, you knew that." Cassandra threw in a nickname that she hadn't used for her wife in a long time. "I have always been a seize-the-moment type of gal."

"I'm glad you did," Shelby smiled softly, feeling those same shy, awkward feelings resurface that she hadn't felt since college. That was back when she was still getting comfortable with the idea of being gay. "I was so clueless back then...how to tell you that I liked you."

"Oh, you told me without words, my love," Cass reached over and took Shelby's hand. "You were so cute, snuggling close to me on movie nights in such a way that Holly had a pool going on with those idiots we hung out with in the theatre department. They were taking bets on how long I could hold out, with you all over me like that, and let me tell you the odds were stacked against me."

"God, I love you so much," Shelby spoke in that soft, silky voice that always made Cassandra feel like she was the luckiest woman in the universe. "My life changed forever the night you kissed me..."

"Mine did too, love," Cassandra reached over to take her wife's hand and kiss it. She paused for a moment before deciding to carefully bring up the fact that they were currently taking one of Shelby's infamous walks again. "Shelbs, you know I am here for you, always. I know I've been pretty self-centered lately, and there is so much going on around us. But I need you to know that you are, and always will be, my first priority."

Shelby knew this, logically, but with all of the fast changes, and then seeing that woman who looked like her mom at the church, Shelby felt fragile. Words momentarily escaped her. She could only manage a nod, trying to blink back any tears that might be tempted to slip past her tough exterior.

"What's up, love?" Cass pressed on, casually taking a sip of her milk and sliding closer to her wife. "You don't have to talk about it right now if you don't want to," she amended. "I know you will tell me eventually, but baby, you are walking around here like it is December 17th all over again."

Cassandra's phrasing was not at all what Shelby had expected for her to say. It completely disarmed her tight hold on keeping what was on her mind to herself. They had been through many December 17ths together, dating back to before they even lived with one another.

"Back at the funeral," Shelby started cautiously, not quite meeting Cassandra's focused eyes. "When we were leaving,,," Shelby couldn't finish her sentence with the correct wording. She grabbed her milk and took a big swig of it, then immediately started coughing. Cassandra reached over and patted her back, gently. Both knew that the coughing fit was more from her nerves than from the milk going down the wrong way.

Do I really bring this up? Seeing a face in the crowd that looks like "her" ? I'm going to sound crazy. Shelby's inner dialogue tried to stop her. Maybe you are going crazy, Corcoran.

"Cass..." Shelby cleared her throat and tried to start again, "Cassie, I think... I think..." she stammered, feeling like she was about to make a fool out of herself, even if it was just in front of Cassandra. "I think I saw my mother there."

...

"8th and 44th?" Cassandra requested from Henry as the family piled into their car. Rachel was bouncing excitedly in the seat beside her, her curious face pressed against the window as closely as possible. She'd been begging to see Times Square, and, although Cassandra knew that as an adult it was a disappointing area of the city-there were much prettier places to visit- Rachel would find it cool no matter what because of all the lights. First they were attending the matinee for Matilda, so the plan was to show Rachel the theatres, then walk her around midtown for a little bit, grab some dessert, and get to the airport so they could make it back to Ohio before the end of the night.

"Can I drop you off at Shake Shack?" Henry asked. "It's impossible to get through the traffic past that."

"Sure thing," Shelby smiled kindly. "Anywhere in that area is fine, we know our way around." she shared a knowing glance with her wife. "At least I'm sure we still know how to get around Shubert Alley."

Cassandra's eyes smiled. "We haven't been gone for that long, Shelbs," she insisted. "Besides, John's is right down the street."

"We get to go to John's?" Holly asked, excited to get some New York pizza once more before they left the city. "I love John's."

"We have pizza in Ohio," Natalie argued with a sassy eyeroll. The more confident and comfortable she got, or the hungrier, the more she rose up to Holly and Cassandra's level. "Why don't we go eat something we can't find at home?"

April laughed and tousled Natalie's ash blonde hair. "Silly girl, New York pizza IS something you can't find at home. Doesn't compare to Ohio," her laugh was a summer wind chime of genuine happiness. This was a teaching moment and April lived for those.

"Why not?" Natalie asked. Their car was stopped in traffic and she stared out the window just like Rachel, watching pedestrians fight to get across the street before the light turned. Some people were speed walking with apologetic looks on their faces. Others walked at a normal speed, all business. Those, Natalie decided, must have been the true New Yorkers.

"It's the water," Shelby and Cassandra said in unison.

"That doesn't make any sense," Natalie decided, staring them down. "Besides, you guys only ever order New York Style pizza back at home."

"That's not the same thing, sweet cheeks," Holly insisted. "Trust us."

Natalie shrugged. The adults were being weird again, but that was nothing new. "Guess I'll have to find out for myself," she said. The more time she spent with her newest family, especially around Holly and Cassandra, the more open she felt about mocking and joking around.

"That you will," Cassandra agreed. "You can't be a true New Yorker until you've eaten the pizza like a true New Yorker," she shifted Cadence in her lap so she could see out the window as well, but Cadence was more interested in playing with Cassandra's long blonde hair.

"But we aren't New Yorkers," Rachel pointed out.

The friends fell into an uncomfortable silence for a moment, most eyes on Shelby. Shelby cleared her throat. "Not anymore," she said, hoping it didn't come out as bitter as she felt like it did. It was her decision to leave the city in the first place, after all. "But once a New Yorker always a New Yorker. Except Cassie, she'll always be from," Shelby scrunched her nose in playful disgust, hoping to keep the mood in the car light. "New Jersey, disgusting."

Cassandra elbowed her wife, teasingly. "How could you bring yourself to marry someone from New Jersey?" she asked with fake disgust. "A disgrace to the family name."

Her words were meant to be a joke, and they ignored the truthful undertones in the conversation as Henry pulled up to the Shake Shack on 8th and 44th and bid them all a cheerful "See you later!". They climbed out of the car, Cadence on Cassandra's hip and Rachel attached to Shelby's. Natalie, although feeling too grown up and proud to hold Holly's hand, stood extremely close to her, afraid to lose her in the large crowd of people.

"We're right next to Times Square, so stay close to us, okay? It's easy to get lost around here. Lots of tourists come to this area which means lots of con artists do, too," Shelby lead them across the street and down West 44th, approaching a long stretch of Broadway theatres. The marquees were lit against a rainy, cloudy grey sky and Shelby let out a comfortable, long breath. This was her home away from home. Or is Ohio the home away from home? She asked herself, shaking the thought out of her head.

"Here is the Majestic Theatre, Phantom of the Opera has been running here since it opened, and the St James Theatre, it looks like Something Rotten! is still playing there, but before I tell you ALL about Broadway, let's go to John's because I am starving and I could eat an entire pie alllll by myself…" Shelby spoke mostly to Rachel, but Natalie, though she would never admit it, was also very interested in what Shelby was saying. It was impossible not to be, the way the woman's eyes lit up when she spoke about the world of theatre.

"Pie?" Rachel scrunched her eyebrows. "I thought we were eating pizza,"

"Pizza pie, darlin'," April informed her, smiling at the hostess who approached them almost immediately when they entered the building.

"How many?" the young hostess asked, her gaze fixated on Cassandra. Cassandra, feeling her stare, smiled softly at the young girl. She looked like the perfect little ingenue.

"Probably too many, since we didn't make reservations," Cassandra realized, her tone apologetic. "I guess I forgot how busy this place can get. Especially so close to a show time…"

The hostess's smile fell just a little into an O shape as she continued to stare at them. "You're Cassandra July," she whispered. Shelby pressed her lips together, looking around the perimeter in the hopes that no one had heard her. Jolted by the movement, the girl changed her point of attention. "And Shelby Corcoran!"

Out of habit, Shelby pressed a finger to her lips quickly. "If you don't have space for all of us we absolutely understand," she started to gather her crew. "We don't want to cause a scene…"

"Oh, no, we absolutely have a table for you, it's just in the back if that's okay?" the girl fumbled over her words, almost dropping her pen on the floor as she scooped up an armful of menus. "If you just want to follow me?"

Is this the life you miss, Shelby? Being recognized any time you try to go out anywhere? Especially anywhere near the theatre district… Shelby attempted to convince herself that she only missed the idea of New York because they were visiting. That when they returned home to Ohio she wouldn't feel so homesick. She knew that didn't make any sense but wasn't ready to admit that to herself just yet.

It was an even harder pill to swallow that she didn't miss the mansion. Not even a little bit.

Rachel's jaw nearly hit the floor when the pizza they'd ordered arrived to their table. It was a large pepperoni pizza with extra cheese, and it was almost the size of table itself, Rachel determined. She wasn't sure what to do with herself, positive that a whole slice of pizza would be enough to fill her for the entire week. Shelby put a slice onto Rachel's plate and Rachel's little eyes widened. "How do I eat it, Mommy?" she asked, unsure how to even pick it up.

"You fold it, like this," Shelby showed her, folding her own slice of pizza down the middle and taking a large bite. It was rare that she allowed herself to have this much grease, but this was definitely an excusable occasion.

"Mmmmm woah this is really good," Rachel exclaimed through a mouthful of cheese and bread. Homemade pizza sauce dripped down her chin, still warm. Cassandra reached across the table to wipe up Rachel's face for her, not wanting the young girl's adorable navy blue sundress to get ruined before they even made it to the theatre.

Natalie nodded in agreement, stuffing her face with her own slice. It was the most April had seen her eat the entire trip, and the woman's heart twinged at the sight of the small-framed girl tackling a pizza slice half her size with ferocity. It was impossible at times to get Natalie to eat anything at all, especially if they were in a social setting. "It must be so good because we're in New York," Natalie joked because of their conversation from earlier, taking another large bite.

"You always hear Mama and I talking about Sardi's," Shelby continued her Broadway tour once they'd left the restaurant, bellies overfilled with the best pizza they would have for a long time. "That's right over here, with all the cartoon drawings of Broadway stars. The drawings are called caricatures."

Rachel was practically skipping next to her mother, her little heart thumping with glee as she swung her arm that was connected to Shelby's. "What's that theatre, Mommy?" she asked.

"This," Shelby stopped them in front of it. "Is the Shubert Theatre. This is the theatre we're seeing Matilda at, see?" she pointed to the show poster which took up half of the wall of the infamous Shubert Theatre. Rachel tilted her head back to be able to see the entire building as it towered over them.

"It's massive," Rachel said, on the verge of squealing. Shelby smiled softly, because the theatre, compared to many others she had frequented, was not that big. "What is Matilda about? When does the show start, can we go in now?" her usual rapid-fire questions began and Shelby smiled at the familiarity of it.

"We can go in now, but the show doesn't really start for another hour, so we can't go into the house of the theatre for another thirty minutes." Shelby explained.

"Why? What is the house of the theatre?" Rachel asked.

"You know what the house is, Rachel," Shelby reminded her patiently. "Remember? It's where the audience sits. And Matilda is a show about a young girl like you. With big dreams and a strong personality. She finds her true family."

"Really, truly?" Rachel asked as they entered the theatre. "She really is like me? Is-" her thought process was momentarily paused as she took in the inside of the Shubert Theatre. It was so much larger than any theatre Rachel had ever been into, but that thought was overshadowed by the crowding of people surrounding them. Even Natalie beside her blinked in wonder.

"Woah," she said.

"I know," Natalie replied. The architecture inside of the lobby was even unlike what they were used to seeing back in the community theatres in Ohio, and she was itching to see the inside of the house. "Is this the theatre you performed at, Shelby?" she asked, unable to contain her enthusiasm.

"I performed at the Gershwin, that's closer to Central Park than we are now," Shelby explained.

Natalie turned her attention to Cassandra, who seemed to be having her own moment, pointing to different parts of the theatre to draw Cadence's attention. The little girl giggled as Cassandra guided her line of vision in all sorts of different directions. "Is this where you performed, Cassie?"

"Hmm?" Cassandra spun around upon hearing her name. "Oh, no, I was at the Winter Garden Theatre, it's almost right next to the Gershwin." she explained, rejoining the rest of the group. "Also closer to Central Park. I don't know why we didn't show you while we were up there, maybe we can drive over there before we head home tonight, yeah?"

Rachel turned impatiently to Shelby. "I want to see the stage," she pouted. Shelby knew it was only because she was impatient with excitement. "I don't want to wait any longer."

Shelby squeezed Rachel's hand in a reassuring fashion. The theatre was packed for the matinee and it was all they could do to pull the kids off to the side so they weren't standing in anyone's way for any length of time. "What do you say I get you all something to drink and we look at the souvenirs they have on display, yeah? Do you want something from the show to take home, like a shirt or a magnet or…?"

"Can I have a shirt?" Rachel's eyes widened. Shelby nodded and looked at Natalie.

"Do they have mugs?" Natalie asked softly, feeling shy in the crowd of theatre patrons. "I like mugs."

"Almost always, buttercup," April winked at her, placing a hand on her back as a guide. "Let's see if we can find you one, okay?"

Natalie smiled shyly and took April's arm, following her to the merchandise booth. Cassandra let them go ahead, leaning against a wall off to the side while she waited for them to come back so they could take their seats. She cradled Cadence close to her, pressing a maternal hand to the back of her head and placing a soft kiss to the little girl's forehead while bouncing her gently and surveying the lobby of the theatre. Her chest felt tight and she adjusted the neckline of her top. What a wild way to introduce my little sister to the theatre, she thought to herself. Under the circumstances…

Holly, who had also stayed behind, stood patiently next to Cassandra and waited for her best friend to calm herself. The sea of people was very clearly putting her on edge. She'd never been thrown into a position where she had so many little ones to worry about at once.

"You aren't doing this alone, you know," Holly said, just loud enough for Cassandra to hear. Cassandra spun, jumping a little at the sound.

"You scared me," she said.

"You aren't living in the moment," Holly said. "I know you have a lot on your mind. But this is also Rachel and Natalie and Cadence's first show. Live in that. Disregard the circumstances that brought us to the city and appreciate your last few hours here. I know you miss it. Maybe not as much as Shelby does, but…" she trailed off, trying to get her stream of consciousness back on track. "Process all of these emotions, but do it when we get back to Ohio or on the flight home. You will have time. You have all of the time in the world. But right now, you need to enjoy this while it lasts."

Cassandra let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

Holly kissed her best friend's cheek and squeezed her hand, reassuredly. "It's almost time to find our seats, let's catch up with the others, okay?"

Cassandra nodded, keeping a hand on Cadence and continuing to hold her close. She knew Holly was right. She hoped Cadence would stay quiet throughout the show so they would be able to share in this experience as the giant, unconventional family that they were. They met the others in the house as it opened and found their seats in the bottom row of the mezzanine, right up against the bannister.

Rachel and Natalie dropped their jaws staring at the elaborately decorated proscenium stage. The preshow lighting was colorful, on a stage covered in what appeared to be children's alphabet blocks, stretching across the frame of the proscenium and decorating even the wings of the stage.

"Mama!" Rachel gasped, nearly spilling the sprite Shelby had bought for her. Rachel was super excited that it had come in a Matilda cup that she would be able to keep. "Look at that stage!" The nine year old had to stop herself from jumping up and down. "That's so cool!"

"It is, isn't it?" Cassandra agreed, finally present enough to speak with the rest of the family and not put all of her focus on Cadence. The youngest of the clan was laying a sleepy head on her older sister's shoulder, which Cassandra figured was for the best, at least for the time being. "Wait until you see how it moves during the show," she continued. "Theatre magic."

"What kind of magic?" Natalie asked, turning to face Cassandra, eager to learn more.

"Theatre magicians have a way of transforming the stage that looks like magic," Cassandra explained as the house lights flashed. "You'll see. It's not something I can explain. Just take it all in, lovelies. We can talk all about it when it's over and I will answer as many questions as I can then, yeah?"

Both girls nodded eagerly and settled into their seats, cradling their drinks and playbills in their arms. Cassandra reached out for Shelby's hand in the seat next to her and intertwined their fingers, silently breathing in the moment. The theatre was always the perfect escape and Cassandra realized that no matter how busy this life made her or how easily overwhelmed she could get, she could always find comfort in the theatre. In taking in a show, or reading a play, or throwing herself into work. Sharing that with the people she loved most in the world was the best gift she could be given.

...

The city lights had always struck Shelby as particularly spectacular. The quiet darkness in their little midwestern town was nice at times, but Shelby knew that to her core she was a city girl-that she would give up the peace completely if it meant she could see those lights again every single night. Under better circumstances. Those lights reminded her of business and late night networking parties, of cocktail hour and performing for a career instead of performing to teach the kids how to have the career that she'd never truly fulfilled, at least not to its full potential.

Your life never stopped being busy, so what do you miss so much? Shelby chastised herself as she stared out at the skyline one last time. Specks of white faded in the distance through her rearview mirror and she bit the inside of her lip in thought, forcing herself to keep her emotions at bay. You only left so you could find Rachel. Why not just go back? You kept the apartment in the city for that reason. Cassandra always talked about going back one day. She immediately shut down any hope of that happening, at least for the time being. It isn't that simple, Shelby, don't be such an idiot. You just got Rachel and Cady, Holly and April just got Natalie and the mansion. You can't ask them to leave and you can't split Natalie and Rachel. And you can't move away from Holly and April. The family is more important than your career.

Besides, Cassandra struggled as it was just going back to visit the city. Of course, they hadn't gone to explore the city and have fun since they'd moved, but that didn't mean it wasn't hard for Cassandra to be around. The wounds were too fresh. Although at one time, back when she and Shelby had first met, the city was all Cassandra had ever dreamed of...those dreams were just going to have to stay on hold for a while. They were still young, Shelby tried hard to reason with herself. They still had time.