TALKING ABOUT SECRETS

He did not drink for long before she felt him lick the wound and the skin around it clean. He bent over her, his silver hair brushing her cheek, his tongue trailing a stray trickle of blood over her chest. His fingers left her hair and swiftly unbuttoned the first button of her blouse-collar, letting his lips nudge the soft skin of her breast. He moaned softly, and kissed it, his finger clenching her stomach.

Yuki gasped. "Zero?" Her knees felt suddenly weak.

He only hummed, dazed, sounding a little lost. She reached a hand to his face, turning it to her, looking him into his eyes. They were still fairly tinted with red. "Zero?"

The lavender quickly absorbed the last of the red, and he froze, teared from a dream and thrown into a nightmare. He let go of her as she had burned him. Fingers to his hair and anguish all over his face, he sank down in the snow, his hands hiding his face. "What have I done," he whispered. Flat. Empty and still, to the brim filled with dread.

Yuki sat down beside him. Gently she took his hands from his face, holding them in hers. He closed his eyes, turned his head away. "I am so sorry Yuki, I…"

"No," she whispered. "Don't be. I followed you and I knew this would happen… I wanted this."

His flinched, and his eyes shoot open, meeting hers. Beautiful lavender staring at her full of disbelief.

And she told him she had come to give him her blood. Because that was better than the alternative. That he would leave. That she would never see him again. That he would end up alone and raving mad. And dead… She told him about how she always had known.

"But then… I forgot about it because you, you were nothing like a… vampire," she mumbled.

Zero let out a breath. "Yeah… sometimes I almost did too… I was happy and then I forgot about it." He silenced, clenched his teeth. And then he continued, slow, with unwillingly words. "When I was a child it was easy. I did not notice anything until I grew older and even then… It was so subtle at first."

He had told himself his mind was playing tricks on him. But of course, he knew what it was, he had always known, he just did not want to accept it. He had been happy and he did not want that to end. But the cravings for blood did not go away. They came like a fierce hunger, or thirst, a need, and swallowed his soul and stole all what could be named happiness away. Blood was all he could think about in those moments.

"Something happened during the kiss, didn't it?" Yuki asked. The fair tint of crimson she had seen in his eyes just after he broken away from the last kiss, she recognized it now.

"Yeah…" And he actually blushed. "The… sexual arousal raised the thirst for blood. I almost bit you then, you know."

She gasped and blushed wild. "You got… that… what you said?"

He looked at her, almost amused, an eyebrow raised. "And you did not, I suppose, huh?"

Her blush went even wilder. "I… Well…Yeah…" she admitted. And still feeling his lips burn against her breast, she hesitated and then, "Does it work the other way around, too? Does the bloodthirst…"

Zero looked embarrassed and he broke their gaze. "Kind of…" he admitted in a very low voice.

She felt sorry for asking and forcing that answer from him. If it had been her, she probably would have felt mortified. She caressed his hands with his thumbs. "I am sorry," she said. "So… that was why you disappeared so fast? After the kiss?"

He glanced at her again. "Yeah… and I am sorry about that. And I…" He laced his fingers with hers. "I am so sorry for all the things I have said and done after that Yuki. I just… All I could think about when you were close to me was the scent of your blood. It made me go wild."

And then he told her how the fits of bloodthirst had come more often and more intense, until he out of desperation went to talk to the professor. And he had given him blood tablets. It was synthetic blood, made in laboratories. It was what most vampires survived on.

"But they take some time to get used too. I get sick like crazy and throw them up. And the… bloodthirst is still there. I have no control of it anymore." He closed his eyes and turned his face away again. "You see, I still have to leave Yuki. I am not safe. I will need blood again and I will take it by force when I want it."

"No!" And she pulled him to her, hugged him hard against her. "No, because I will give you my blood, freely!"

"But don't you understand? I don't want to drink your blood, I don't want to be this… monster!"

He tried to struggle her but she only held him closer and then he stopped and instead he broke down weeping in her arms. He wept over his parents and his brother. He wept from all the fear and the feeling of total vulnerability that night when the vampire had bit him. He wept out of horror of what lay in front of him and from finally giving into that horror when he had bit her.

Yuki had never seen Zero cry, and now his heavy tears ripped through the silence of the forest night. Shredding both their souls into tiny pieces. She did not know what to say. There was really nothing to say. Nothing that could soften this horrific tale of truth. She only held him close, curled herself around his body with her face buried in his silver hair.

Zero had always been her safety. Her hero. Her brave Zero who already fought off so much, and resurrected. He will fight this like everything else, she thought. I know he can do that. He is strong. He will manage it, and I will help him. She would give him her blood. Maybe one day his body would be able to handle those tablets, but until then she would give him her blood. Her mind was already planning ahead, lots of food and iron tablets, to strengthen her blood, and it should not be a problem.

He had to manage it because she refused to let him throw his life away. And she needed him. She needed him more than her blood.

And all this was what she finally told him.

Zero had stopped crying by then. He lay still in her arms, breathing heavily and looking in front of himself with blank eyes. She caressed his face, trailed her fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes, suddenly very tiered.

A tiny wisp of a wind rustled the trees. Some snow fell on their heads from the branches above and made him stir. He drew a deep breath and groped some snow and washed his teary face clean. Then he looked up at her and reached for her face, gently resting his palm to her cheek. He looked her into her eyes for a long time, and she blushed from his intense gaze. She gave him a faint smile.

"Yes," he finally said. "I will manage it." He stood and gave her his hand and helped her to her feet.

"Are… Are you ok Yuki?"

She looked up at him, not letting go of his hand. "Now I am," she smiled a sunshine. "When you are coming home again." Then she shuddered and winced. "A bit cold though… I forgot my coat."

To this the corner of his mouth twitched. "Here," he said, and held out his own brown woolen one. "You will fit in here too."

She crept inside with a happy sigh, and he buttoned the coat around them. Yuki snuggled close to him and put one arm around his waist. She felt him flinch but he did not draw back. Instead he shrugged an arm out of its coat sleeve, and put it around her shoulder.