ACT ONE • TEN

HOGSMEADE

IN RETROSPECT, GOING to Hogsmeade wasn't exactly nerve-wracking — nor did the excitement Sirius showed towards it cause any nervousness to ensue — but the fact that I had absolutely no idea what to talk about put me somewhat on edge. I wasn't nervous enough to call it nervousness; it was just mild worry. A couple of knots in my stomach, if that.

At breakfast, when I was walking into the Great Hall with Harleen and Roman, Sirius and James had run up to the three of us and hugged me like parents bidding farewell to their soldier of a child. I had gone silent afterwards, especially when Harleen and Roman burst into giggles and teased me about it.

"Does Laurel have a cruuuuuuuuuuush?"

"Laurel and Lupin, sitting in a tree—"

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

"Do you faaaaaaancyyyyyyy hiiiiiiiiim, Laaaaauuuuureeeeeel?"

"Laurel and Lupin sitting in a car—"

"Are they snogging—?"

"Yes they are!"

By that point, I was drinking my tea in hopes that I could hide my face in the bottom of the porcelain cup. And, up until it came time to leave the Hall and go to Hogsmeade, I was able to ignore Roman and Harleen's teasing. I had said I'd meet Remus before I left to walk into the city, so I was able to escape their giggled jokes when they left before me.

It was still fairly cold, but the snow hadn't been present for the past couple weeks, much to my happiness. I didn't like snow. It looked pretty up until it was stomped in — and after that, it was nothing but a grey sludge that froze and made it impossible for me to walk outside without falling flat on my bum.

"I have no idea where we're going to go," I said, awkwardly laughing as I spoke.

Remus said, "Oh, shit." My eyebrows rose. "I was hoping you'd know what to do, because I don't know what to do."

"Usually, when I go with Roman and Harleen, we literally just get sweets and go back," I explained. He nodded along as I spoke. I thought about earlier when my two friends had been teasing me. "But, I mean, I haven't exactly gone into Hogsmeade for long since September. I've been spending most of my free time trying to figure out where the hell Aster is."

"What are they like, about the whole Aster thing?" he asked.

I pulled a face. "Well, they're kind of... iffy about Aster, but, you know, um," I cleared my throat. I felt somewhat inclined to warn Remus — the werewolf — about how Roman and Harleen had outdated opinions, but I didn't know how to say it without being blunt. So, I sighed, and let out, "Roman and Harleen are prejudiced pricks and they think that there's nothing wrong with being a Death Eater."

For a moment, Remus was silent. I dug my hands into the pockets of my jacket. "I think that half of the school is prejudiced, with muggleborns," he said. I quietly nodded in agreement. "The majority is towards werewolves, and none of the teachers or parents thinks it's a good idea to say that they're — I'm — not that bad."

"I don't think you're bad," I shrugged. "And that didn't change when I figured out why you're nicknamed Moony."

"Well, most people think that werewolves are monsters, so," Remus let out a sigh. "I don't blame them because I am, but it would be nice to not feel so secretive whenever I have to skip lessons around the full moon."

I grinned at him, hooking my arm around his. "Well, people already think I'm weird, especially because everyone's convinced that Aster's just gone to become a Death Eater and I'm the only one bothering to find out what actually happened," I said. "I mean, me being thought of as weird isn't as bad as the amount of shit people would give you if they found out—" My eyes widened. "Not that it's a bad thing! But, you know, people. You've got to have the Edmunds to find the Susans and Lucys and Peters.

"That's Narnia, right?"

I turned to him, and placed my hands on his shoulders, grinning brightly. "Someone knows!" I exclaimed. Remus smiled back at me, and I felt like leaning in. I stepped backwards, and he took hold of my hand as I continued to smile gleefully. "Your mum's a muggle, right? Is that why you know about it?"

He explained, "Yeah, since there's barely any children's books for wizards."

"Oh, don't I know it," I sighed. "When I first went into a muggle book shop, I almost cried. Have you been to that one in London? The one named after the stones?"

"You mean Waterstones?" he asked.

"That's the one!"

Remus told me, "They're all around the country. You could go to Glasgow, or Nottingham, or Lincoln, and find one there. It's like some of the wizard shops."

"Oh, that's magical," I declared.

We got into Hogsmeade, and I claimed one of the benches. I caught a glimpse of Harleen and Roman making their way into one of the shops down the street. I felt slightly grateful, since I didn't have to spend the entirety of another Saturday trying to ignore the fact that they possessed opinions the complete opposite of my own.

"But, yeah," I began, "I've been trying to find Aster — and that's why Sirius tried to set me up with you—" My eyes widened considerably, and I really wished I could find a time turner to redo the past two minutes.

"He tried to set you up with me?" asked Remus. Hesitantly, I nodded. To my surprise, Remus let out a sigh. "He was trying to set me up with you!"

Relieved, I exclaimed, "Are you serious?"

"Yeah, because he wanted to get your mind off of Aster, and he was getting fed up that I fancied you—" he stopped himself. My eyebrows rose, and I grinned, nearly muttering, I know who you liiiiikeeeeee. "Ignore that last part. I didn't say anything—"

"I will be honest," I said. "I didn't exactly have a crush on you, but I did think you were pretty."

"Did they make you a plan?"

"Oh, fuck — they had this big step-by-step plan, and they literally shitted on Grease, and all of these other wonderful musicals—"

Remus dug into his pocket and handed me a folded piece of parchment. I was overjoyed, as he explained, "I was planning to throw it away because it's about as useful as a Remembrall—"

Unfolding the parchment, I raised an eyebrow.

MESSRS PADFOOT, WORMTAIL & PRONGS PROUDLY PRESENT

THE FOOL-AND-GENIUS-PROOF GUIDE FOR MOONY TO STOP PINING OVER LAUREL CROUCH and to make her stop obsessing over her brother (AND GET MARRIED) (AND FALL MADLY IN LOVE) (AND HAVE CHILDREN) (AND NAME THEM AFTER US) (OBVIOUSLY) — a step-by-step guide by the perfect Padfoot, wonderful Wormtail, and pretty Prongs.

"Oooh, wait," I put my hand into my pocket, and fished out the piece of parchment that mine had been written on, which I had dumped in the most convenient place since I knew I wasn't going to use it. "Here we go. The Fool and Genius (We're Looking at You, Crouch) Proof Guide to Making the Lovely Laurel Crouch and the Dashing Moony Fall in Love (and Make Us the Godfathers of their Children): A Step Guide by the Spectacular Padfoot and the Future Husband of Lily Evans."

"You know, the future husband of Lily Evans might well be Snape."

"That's what I said!"

STEP ONE: ACTUALLY TALK

No, dumbarse, we don't mean about lessons. Discuss something interesting (!)

"Yeah, mine was, Make Them Talk," I explained.

Remus looked at mine, and said, "Okay, Grease wasn't shit, and neither was Rocky Horror."

"That's what I said!"

STEP TWO: SIT NEXT TO HER IN LESSONS

She doesn't have a disease. You're the wolf. If you can survive a full moon, you can do this. Just bloody ask her if the seat next to her is empty.

Also, because we're wonderful best mates, we've compiled a list of lessons we have with the Ravenclaws — we've got Potions, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration, and Wormtail also says we have Charms with them but I don't believe him. Also, since if I were to ask Laurel to do anything without giving a reason, she'd probably skin me alive, so you've got to ask her.

(Don't worry. She's not that scary.)

(...When she likes you.)

"That's the worst pep talk I've ever seen," I declared. "But, the other part's true. It comes with being a politician's daughter."

Remus snorted.

STEP THREE: TALK ENOUGH THAT YOU'RE GOOD FRIENDS

Don't worry, my friend, you won't be just friends with her for long.

(But can I just remind you, mate, that it isn't wise to have children before the age of twenty. I'm not even exaggerating, her dad will kill you.)

"Can I just mention, that I had nothing to do with this—"

"Yeah, I figured by the teen parent comment."

STEP FOUR: HOGSMEADE

Be. Fucking. Romantic.

"Are you 'being fucking romantic', Remus?"

"I don't think so."

"I thought the same."

"Wait, no—"

"To be honest, though, it's pretty impossible to 'be fucking romantic' while on a school-approved visit somewhere."

STEP FIVE: KISS

I'd research the best way she'd want to kiss, but she's like a sister to me, and I think I'd vomit. You're on your own, Moony. It's your fault for fancying the person that's practically my sister.

(A note from Prongs and Wormtail, experienced scholars in the department of kissing: be fucking romantic.)

(A note from Padfoot: Wormtail, you've had about three girlfriends, and the thing you've kissed most is something baked. And not the drug kind. Prongs, shut the fuck up. You can't give any sort of romantic advice. You've been pining after Lily Evans for years.)

(A note from Prongs: fuck you, little bitch.)

(A note from Padfoot: you're a twat.)

(A note from Wormtail: Moony. Be roOoOoOmaAaAaAaNtIiIiIc!)

(A note from Prongs and Padfoot, whom have now joined forces to crush the almighty Wormtail, because we're slowly running out of Firewhiskey and you're currently asleep in the corner of Prongs' bedroom and either we wake up Prongs' parents, or we wake you up and you've been tired recently so: Wormtail, shut the fuck up, you drunk little hoe.)

"We're don't—"

"Yeah, we can kiss another day."

Remus looked at me. I shrugged.

"Well. Fair enough."