This time Kili didn't offer to take a watch. Firstly, he had enough attention on him today, and secondly, he knew they wouldn't let him do this anyway. Despite his little story – telling, he knew they are just gonna make him open up more and more by pushing him against a wall. He didn't like that.

'You're not offering?' Bilbo sat next to Kili and smiled warmly.

Kili gave the hobbit a questioning look.

'Oh, I'm talking about taking a watch.'

'Ah.' Kili sighed. 'I don't really want to today.'

'I can totally understand you, although I gotta say, Mirkowood makes itself kind of a hard place to sleep peacefully in, right?' Bilbo chuckled and looked at Kili warmly.

Kili didn't really talk with this hobbit person before and he felt a bit taken aback by the fact, that he didn't come to him to try and get something out of him. Moreover, he shared his fears with Kili with such ease, even such stupid act of honesty astounished the dwarf, who hasn't been able to voice his fears in years.

'I guess so.' Kili smiled a little at the thought of a noncommittal chat.

'You know, Kili, back in Shire we had the most comfortable beds in the whole Middle Earth! I know you may not believe it, but us, hobbits, really care about more then food, such as a good night's sleep, haha!'

Bilbo kept on chatting with Kili for a while, he told him a lot about the celebrations that happen in Shire, he shared his favourite recipe for a pumpkin pie and, with a bit of annoyance, talked about his heirloom, which as he pointed out, has not been respected enough by some idiots.

What really amused Kili was the fact that it was so easy to talk to Bilbo. Even though they've only known each other for a few weeks, the hobbit was so easygoing, that Kili was sure it was impossible to not enjoy his company.

The colonists were looking at that scene from a distance.

'I don't think I have ever seen him so relaxed…' murmured Bongin.

'What is it about that hobbit, hm?' growled Floin.' He doesn't even know Kili and even despite what just happened he walks up to him to chat about cooking…'

Alsatir didn't answer them. Deep in his heart he felt a sting of jealousy. He couldn't believe it. Why would he be jealous of that hobbit? He wasn't Kili's friend, he didn't go through many hardships with him, he wasn't there for him when he almost bled out to death, he didn't built a fucking Colony with him, so why the hell was Kili acting so relaxed around him?!

He realised how stupid he just sounded in his head and bit his lip.

Bilbo felt that Kili's friends were boring their eyes in his back and felt a bit uneasy.

Dark – haired dwarf, who was staring into the distance, turned his eyes back to the hobbit when he noticed he wasn't talking anymore.

'What is it? Did you hear something?' Kili's hand was already moving to the sword by his side.

'Oh, no, no!' Bilbo quickly reasurred Kili that there was no danger. Well, at least he didn't notice anything.

'Then what is it?' Kili demanded in his leader way.

'It's nothing… I just feel like your friends would prefer for you to talk to them, not me.' Bilbo smiled apologetically.

Kili's good mood kind of vanished at that. Being a leader is hard, but being a friend is even harder and he still didn't really know how it works.

'I'm sorry, Bilbo, I hope you're not mad at them. They are a bunch of idiots…' Kili scratched his head.

Bilbo laughed.

'Of course not, Kili! I just wanted to cheer you up a bit, chat about something lighter. I hope I was able to help you and distract you from your worries at least a bit.' Bilbo gave Kili a warm smile.

'I really had a nice chat with you, Bilbo. And I really appreciate your choice of topics, I have memorized the whole pumpkin pie recipe and will surely bake it.' Kili smiled.

'Oh, I don't believe you, master dwarf, I'm going to have to see it with my own two eyes!' Bilbo laughed.

'You just may.' Said Kili while getting up and setting off to a group of not – so - merry dwarves.

'Could you, please, not kill this poor, kind – hearted creature with your stares?' Kili gave them an irritated look.

'Could you please talk to us what bugs your ass?' growled Floin.

'Guys.. Honestly?' Kili saw how their faces lit up and felt bad about what he was going to say. 'Well, honestly, I don't want to talk about it, any of it. I'm afraid I need to ask you to leave it be for some time.'

'Kili, it has been some time already…' sighed Alsatir.

'Oh,well.' With those words Kili turned on his heel and walked away from the Colonists. He looked around and noticed, that there was another person, who was desperate for Kili to cool down his temper and ruin his plans for a sudden question attack.

'I'm pretty sure I would be able to feel your eyes on me even from acres away…' Kili sighed.

Fili didn't answer, he simply stared at his brother's face with a mix of sadness and anger in his eyes.

'Fili, before you try to talk to me, let me just –'

'No.'

Kili shut his mouth at that cold response and titled his head to the side with a questioning look.

'I've been trying to get to you, I tried to talk to you… But I realised something today, after that story that you've told us.'

Kili waited paintinetly for Fili to pick up where he left.

A few moments passed and Fili stood up. He closed the distance between them and took Kili's face in his hands.

'I promise I won't push you anymore. When you're ready to open up to me, like you did a little yesterday, I swear I will listen. But Kili, brother, I don't want to hear that bullshit you've bombarded us with today. I don't want lies, ommiting the truth… I love you, in spite of what you think or how you may have felt about it, I really do. You can hate me, distance yourself from me but nothing will discourage me from chasing your love and affection. You need me, brother, and I will always be there for you, I promise, okay?'

Kili took Fili's hands in his own and blonde's heart grew bigger at this sudden intimate move.

'I don't want to share, Fili. As much as I appreciate your honesty, I can't do this, not with you.' Kili let go of Fili's hands and once again turned his back on somebody who cared about him.

…THE NEXT MORNING…

Kili woke up to darkness. At first, he was surprised, but reality quickly struck him – he was in Mirkowood with his frie –

…

Why can't I say it anymore? It was always like that – they were my friends, they were people who understood me and supported me. Why does it feel like this stupid journey is tearing us apart?

I don't think it's the journey itself that's doing that, Kili.

Kili bolted upwards. How come he still forgets that there's and immortal being in his head all the time?

I'm going crazy beacuse of you… We already had a simmilar conversation, if I remember correctly. We did. Yet, that doesn't mean I'm going less crazy.

'Everyone, breakfast is served!' shouted Thorin.

Dwarves ate in groups and chatted, is seemed like they got used to Mirkowood's air and conditions, at least as used to as one can get.

'I'm assuming we're close to the edge of this forest.' Said Thorin and casted a look at Kili.

'Well, it's hard to tell when you're inside, but I think it's safe to say we're closer to the edge than we were a few days ago…' Kili shrugged. He was taken aback by a few laughs he heard.

'Sorry, but you sai something so obvious with such expression!' Bofur let out a laugh and covered his mouth instantly, surprised at how loud it was.

Kili huffed in response.

'Is there a way to tell where we are? I mean, is there a way to pinpoint our location even roughly?' asked Dwalin.

Thorin looked around and an idea popped in his head.

'The trees. Someone could climb up and see from a tall point where we are.'

'Alright, any volunteers?' scoffed Gloin.

'I already have somebody in mind…' Said Thorin as his eyes fell upon his 'somebody'.

'Me? I mean, I really don't… I mean – I – hobbits don't really climb…' Bilbo stuttered anxiously.

'You are our burglar after all, it's time to prove your worth' decided Thorin.

Alsatir casted a side glance at Kili. He was pretty sure his leader will oppose to this quite ridiculous idea. To his surprise, he just stood there and it looked like he was not really listening to Thorin's plan. Alsatir decided to speak up in his stead.

'Are you sure that this hobbit is capable of doing such thing?'

'This hobbit is questioning the same thing…' Bilbo added quietly.

'That's why he came with us.' Thorin stated coldly. 'As I said, it's time he proves his worth. Unless, we have another light – enough volunteer?' he looked around. Dwarves' faces spoke volmes – a clear nay.

'Don't worry Bilbo, Elves jump around in these trees like crazy and they're fine.' Said Kili without any special interest.

'But I'm no elf!' cried Bilbo.

'Nah, you're lighter. Besides, all you have to do is go up, no big deal.' Kili pushed his lips out with that.

'Well then how about you do that!' Bilbo hoped Kili will agree and take this burden off his tiny shoulders.

'Honestly, I would have, but I can't.'

'Why not?' Bilbo cried desperately.

'My leg is not in it's best condition…' Kili said quietly, ashamed that the couldn't help the only person who he's found comfort in, in months.

'Oh' Bilbo gasped 'I'm so sorry, I forgot. I'll do it, don't worry, I just needed someone to assure me I'm light enough.' Bilbo spoke quickly and chuckled nervously at the end.

'Mhm.' It seemed like Kili already forgot what this was all about.

Alsatir thought that was the case, but at the same time he didn't know anymore. Kili was always like that. It seemed like he was miles away and listened to only half of what was said, but in the end he always knew what was going on. He slowly began to realise how much he didn't understand about his leader and how many times he's brushed of anything that seemed worrying, just beacuse he thought that that's just the way Kili is.

'Alright, I'm going…' Bilbo's panicked voice pulled Alsatir from his thoughts and once again he casted a glance at Kili who, to his surprise, was also looking at him, not the hobbit.

His leader walked up to him and the other two Colonists. He didn't say anything and they decided to stay silent as well.

'Do you see anything, master hobbit?' Ori warily asked.

Apparently not loud enough, cause the only response he got was silence.

'Are you up there yet, hobbit?' Thorin's words were much louder and reached Bilbo, who apparently was annoyed, for his answer was something along the lines of 'I'm not a squirrel and those trees are high as hell, so what do you think?!'

Dwarves didn't know that their burglar was capable of saying something like that and looked around at each other with surprised but amused expressions.

'Alright, tell us when you're high enough to report anything!' Thorin answered, unbothered by Bilbo's tone.

'I didn't actually expect him to agree to this.' Smirked Bongin.

'I think none of us did, to be honest…' Bofur scratched his hat.

'I did.'

Dwarves looked at Fili for an explanation.

'You know, the sole fact that he came along with us tells us something, right?' he smiled.

The company nodded in agreement.

'I think it tells us that he's one crazy hobbit!' said Bofur.

They laughed at that and some shook their heads, to show how incredibly crazy they thought he was.

Minutes passed by and the atmosphere tensed. At first they were chatting a bit, but now they were silently antticipating Bilbo's voice.

'HEY, CAN YOU HEAR ME?'

'Yes, tell us what you see!' responded Thorin.

'IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL! AND THERE'S WIND! AND I SEE SOME BUTTERFLIES UP HERE AS WELL!' Bilbo was really happy that he agreed to climb up, the view was just breathtaking.

'That's nice and all, but tell us where are we!' Dwalin shouted angrily.

'Stop!'

Their attention was turned back to Kili.

'Why? We might be actually getting somewhere with it!' snapped Throin.

'Yes, into some creature's filthy mouth, no less!' Kili snapped back.

'There is litterally nothing in here aside from us, it would've attacked us already.' Said Thorin.

'They are not stupid, Oakenshield. We will lure them to us and they'll wait till we fall asleep to attack.' Kili stated.

Thorin was surprised. At himself. How come he didn't think of that? It was so obvious, he shouldn't need someone like Kili to point it out to him.

'Mirkwood dulls your senses and clouds your mind, you will never be able to resist that completely.' Kili said as if reading Thorin's mind.

'Bilbo, go down and we'll talk!' shouted Thorin, still pissed that he overlooked someting so obvious.

'A'right!'

Everybody waited for Bilbo to come down and Thorin approached Kili.

'Did you hear anything come?' he asked quietly.

Fili was ready to storm to his brother and uncle as soon as he saw Thorin moving in Kili's direction, but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

'Don't, laddie.' Balin looked at him with soft eyes.'I don't think Thorin went to him to argue.'

'Yeah, you don't know that.' Fili scoffed.

'You can't keep them apart from each other, Fili, it's not only you who is trying to get to know and accept Kili.'

'I never not – accepted him!'

'Maybe I'll put it diffrently then – you are trying to bond with him while Thorin is figuring out who Kili is – as a person and to him. You need to give them space to connect.' Balin squeezed his shoulder in reasurence.

'I just don't want Kili to leave because of something uncle might do…' sighed Fili.

'Fili, Thorin is no monster.'

Blonde dwarf was not so sure about that. He obviously didn't hate Thorin, but he knew something was off. He may have not noticed that before, but he won't let Thorin do anything to Kili. Never, even if that ment standing against his uncle, his king. He's made that promise to himself when he swore to Kili yesterday, that he will be the brother he's failed to be in the past.

Thorin heard Kili out and went back to the tree from which he expected Bilbo to come down any minute now.

'See, nothing happened.' Balin smiled at Fili.

How about now? Kili, I know I promised that I will help you stay on guard but if you will constantly keep on distracting me, even I won't be able to help. Sorry, I'm just making sure that you're still there. I am always here, which you often point out as annoying. Well, yeah, but you rarely answer my calls, you only reach out to me when you want to… It is out of my own good will, that I do answer, even so rarely. Oh, how so? All I have to do is make sure the Protector doesn't kill you, while you use it. Also, I can help you activate it, like I did in here, although I still am not amused that I had to do it. Point being, I only control the Protector and remind you to use it, when needed. Me, scouting around right now, is just out of, as I have mentioned, my good will. Or boredom.

Kili felt panic rise in his chest. He quickly looked around to see if anyone was checking on him. Luckily, their focus was solely on the very hobbit, who came down, which Kili didn't even notice happened, he was too engaged in his conversation with the god in his head. He backed out a bit and leaned on a tree trunk.

Why am I panicking, nothing's happening! Calm down, damit. As far as my knowledge goes, panic attacks are spontaneous, and even though they can be triggered by something, they can also happen unexpectledly. That's really interesting! And useless!

Kili grabbed his wrist and took his pulse. He didn't really have to do that, though, his heart was loudly and rapidly pounding in his ears. He quietly slid down the trunk and leaned back.

Can you help me? I don't think I can do it myself… I… I…

He started to wheeze and quickly hid his face in his knees. That position made it worse, he felt as if he couldn't breathe, like he was squeezing his lungs and no air could get in them.

I can't do anything in your head, I'd have to appear in a semi – phisical form, like back then, but I won't do it with everyone around. You need to go away. I can't move! Yes, you can. You must. Get up, Kili, son of noone.

That line pained him so much so, that he took a deep breath and without releasing it, he swiftly turned around while sitting and shot upwards.

'What is it, Kili, did you hear something?' shouted Dwalin.

No, oh, Mahal, no, look away, let me go!

'Kili, what's wrong?' Alsatir started to walk up to him with concern.

'Nothing!' he breathed.

'Kili?' Fili also made a move, he picked up speed when he noticed how his brother was leaning against a tree trunk.

Do something, they're coming! Kili, they are not your enemies… Shut up! They can't see me like this! I've just managed to brush them off! I can't! I can't…

'Brother, what's wrong? Is it your leg?' Kili felt Fili's hands on his shoulders and knew his brother wanted to spin him around, to see his face.

FUCK NO!

When Fili was almost facing his brother, he fell to the ground.

'Fili!' cried Throin.

Kili didn't understand what just happened. He stood there panting, clenching his fist.

'What do you think you're doing?!' he felt strong hands grab his shoulders and shake him.

What did I do?

'No, Thorin, stop!' Fili was already back on his feet and grabbed Thorin's arms.

'That brat attacked you!' he spat in fury.

'Hey, what did you just call him, motherfucker?!' Floin was on Thorin's other side in seconds.

Hey, what did I do?

Thorin let go of him, because Floin started throwing fists at him. Dwalin went between the two and cried to others to separate them. Gloin grabbed Thorin with an uneasy look while Alsatir pulled Floin's hands behind his back.

'He assaulted Fili!' shouted Thorin.

What did you say?

Kili, you lost control. You hit your brother.

…What?

You need to rest, Kili.

What are you talking about?

'Kili!' now it was Fili who grabbed and shook his brother. 'Just answer me, I'm not angry, Kili! If anything I'm sorry! I shouldn't have grabbed you, you panicked, but it's fine.' Fili tried to meet Kili's eyes and took his face into his palms.

…I don't understand… How come I've lost it?

Kili, you need to focus, you're drowning. Focus, Kili!

Kili took a sudden deep breath that pained his chest, but at least it brought him back. He finally met Fili's eyes.

'I… Sorry…' he muttered.

'Oh, you will be sorry!' growled Thorin.

'Thorin, please calm down….' Balin stood in front of Kili and Fili. 'Kili didn't know what he was doing.'

'And how does that make it any better, hm?! That spawn…' he spat.

'Don't you dare call him that!' growled Fili. 'It's my fault… I took him by surprise.' He whispered. 'I'm so sorry, Kili.'

Kili didn't answer. He didn't even know what to say. Nothing like that has ever happened to him, he always kept his cool, never, EVER, has he lost it like that. Suddenly, he didn't even have the strenght to stand and collapsed.

'Oh my – Kili!' Fili grabbed his brother's limp body into his arms.

Thorin was looking at them and a certain memory came to his mind.