Author's Note: Sorry about the long delay and a shorter than normal chapter. This story is definitely still in my mind, but I haven't had time to get it down on paper recently. I hope to update more, but it will likely not be regular. Again, I own nothing related to Band of Brothers and think very highly of the real men. I just own Jean and have made changes to the real and show timelines to fit my own story. Happy Reading.
Jean was berating herself. She should have stuck to her guns. She should have thought about this more clearly. But here she was. In deep shit.
Well, maybe not shit. But mud. Cold, sticky mud.
Leibgott had asked a few men at breakfast if they would run the PT course with him that afternoon. He has tweaked his ankle two days before and hadn't run full out on it yet and wanted to make sure he was fine before their next mapping drill which was taking place in two days.
Jean initially told him no way, but after getting no's from every other man at their table, he looked back at Jean.
"No Joe. I already said that." she said forcefully.
He just stared at her and pouted like a 3 year old. "Please, Sunshine?"
Jean looked at Bill who laughed and shook his head, breaking his own eye contact with Jean.
Jean swayed her head back to Joe and frowned. "I'm not doing this because I'm weak. Or because I'm nice. Or even because I like you at all..."
Joe's face broke into a huge smile. "Of course not!"
She smirked a bit and then frowned again. "It's because I don't want you messing up your ankle anymore by not working on it before Thursday. I don't need to feel guilty about you injuring yourself any more than you already have. Got it?"
"Yes ma'am." Joe said, before quickly thanking her and running out of the mess hall before she could say no.
Now, 5 hours later, Jean regretted saying yes to Joe. She beat him in the first run, and then a few men had come to watch then finish.
Not one to be shown up as she clearly beat him, he told her they needed to run it again and make a bet.
Jean was also not one to back down, so of course she agreed and was now a few inches deep in mud on her stomach crawling through muck and who knows what on a dreary March day.
Pulling herself up after crossing the markers, Jean looked behind and saw Joe just beginning the descent to the mud. She was about to yell out, but thought better, knowing a pack of cigarettes to trade would be given to her more easily if she didn't embarrass him with her words as well as she beat him on the course.
Taking off for the last part of the sprint, Jean crossed the end and was greeted by cheers from Bill, Malarkey, and Toye.
"Wait to go, Sunshine!" Bill said, smiling as he looked back at Joe who was just now starting the final run. "Kicked his ass!"
Jean laughed, knowing the jibe was at Joe for losing instead of her winning, but she didn't care. She always felt good after the course, knowing that the first time she tried it she wanted to give up, but now she was in such good shape she thrived on it.
Ever since seeing Speirs with the women in the cafe, Jean had focused on training and being ready for war. She didn't actively avoid him, but the lieutenant didn't go out of his way to see her either. So she figured they were in a mutual agreement that whatever it was they had been doing was done.
Joe finished the run and he and Jean laughed as they walked toward the main base.
While Jean had a fully functional bathroom at Mr. Morgan's, she knew he wouldn't appreciate it being clogged with mud and grass that she was currently covered in. There were a few showers at the main base that soldiers could use for times like this, so she made her way over after waving goodbye to the men as they made their way to play cards - even though Joe was filthy and Jean couldn't imagine sitting in drying mud.
Making her way to the base, it was about a 10 minute walk and she saw how spring was trying to come up in many areas. More animals were out and about as well as people. Without blistering wind and snow almost every day, more people in the town and even soldiers liked the fresh air.
Jean just turned to go to the shower block when she looked straight ahead and saw Speirs.
She thought for a split second what she should do.
She could drop her gaze and rush to her left to get downstairs to the showers, or she could greet him and then be off.
He was still an officer, so even with parts of her screaming inside to avoid him, she stopped and greeted him. "Lieutenant."
He stopped and looked around, seemingly to gauge who could hear them. "Private Murphy."
Jean assumed that was it and started to walk before she felt a hand on her forearm. Not menacing, but just enough to make sure pause.
"I just need you to know something." he said quietly.
Jean looked anywhere but at the man in front of her.
"Please, Jean, just look at me and let me say this and then I'll be done."
She wanted to listen to him but also didn't want to hear excuses about the obviously pregnant woman who he had been holding hands intimately with at the cafe almost one month ago.
"Look, I really don't care, okay? You can be with her, obviously you have been - I mean, like, I uh-" she started, trying to now run since she had put her entire foot in her mouth.
"I'm not with her. I was never with her." He said surprisingly loudly for a conversation she though might be handled better privately.
Jean looked around rapidly after his louder outburst. "What do you mean? You were with her. It was obvious."
He sighed and looked down, realizing that he still had Jean's arm in his hand.
"Not like what you think. She's a friend going through a hard time. I swear that's it." he said quickly.
"But you were holding her hands and she is heavily..." Jean realized her voice was now escalating and decided to move her hand in front of her own belly to signify what they both knew the woman at the cafe had been.
Speirs frowned slightly, "Yes, she is pregnant, but I was consoling her as a friend."
"By holding her hand in a small booth looking like secret lovers talking about your child?"
Another frown came from the face of the lieutenant. "Talking about the child yet. But not as secret lovers. Just as friends. I get that it looked awful, and I felt terrible Jean, but I swear, there is nothing between Heather and I."
"Nothing between you and Heather?" Jean asked, "Then why are you such close friends with some woman who you can't of known that long? We got here 7 months ago and that seems long enough. You don't show affection to anyone, and yet you take take a friend's hands like that and honestly say there is nothing between you two?"
"Heather's husband, and the father of her unborn child, is a friend of mine from childhood. Remember how I said my parents used to travel? We had lived in England for 2 years when I was 15. That's where I met a very good friend." he said low but forcefully. "His name is Garret Brown, and he is a member of the British military and has been AWOL since January after an attack in Monte Cassino. Heather, Garret's wife, didn't know she was pregnant when he left this winter and doesn't have any family here. I told her I would take care of her financially until Garret got home since his pay wasn't enough to keep the house up and pay for her needs as she gets ready for the baby, but now it's a little different since he is missing."
Jean didn't know what to do. Or say. She was an awful person. She shouldn't have jumped to such horrible conclusions when it was quite the opposite. Instead of impregnating some random woman in England, Speirs had been helping a woman who was with child and possibly lost her husband forever make ends meet.
"I didn't expect you to know what was going on, but I also didn't think that you would cut me out like you have." he said softly. "I'm sorry for not being more forthcoming with you though. Honestly Jean, I figured it was for the best once you were angry and so I kept my distance. That once I saw how it pushed you away, that it was better that way."
Jean frowned now, "What was better? Me thinking you were an assho-, um terrible person, instead of telling me this?"
Ron leaned closer, "Of course I didn't want you to think that of me, but I don't want to put your position here, in the Airborne, in jeopardy. Hell, Jean, do you know what they'd do to you if anything was found out about you being in a relationship with an officer? I can't be the one to put you in that kind of position. I'd rather have you here and hate me than not here at all because you got court-martialed or kicked out."
She hadn't noticed the tears that had started to fill her eyes until the man in front of her was blurry until she blinked and wiped at her face. "Well that wasn't your decision to make, Lieutenant. I think I should get a say in what I do or don't do. If I like you, then so be it, but I don't want to hate you for something you didn't do!"
He took one more step until the two could be dancing if they put their arms around each other.
"I didn't mean for you to hate me, but I also didn't want to lose you. I thought it was the best thing to do." he said softly, looking around them one more time before looking in Jean's eyes. "You know, it's hard to avoid you too."
"Do you know how exhausting it is to try and hate you?" she said softly, closing her eyes. "It hurt me so much thinking it was, well, something much different than the truth."
"I'm very sorry for that." he said, taking a small step backward. "But I didn't want you to have to leave here because I was selfish."
"How would you be selfish exactly?" Jean questioned him. "You didn't do anything that I didn't go along with. Besides, we were never even... we were never-"
"Never what?" he asked.
"Together." she finished. "In any sense of the word, we were never together. We talked yes, but that doesn't mean anything. I talk with Winters and all of the men all the time. I've danced with most of Easy even. You didn't do anything that would warrant you saying it was selfish."
"I might not have done anything or taken anything, but that doesn't mean I didn't want to." he said in a low voice. The space between them now almost non-existent.
"And who says it would be taking anything from me. Why can't I freely give what I want? If it's my life and career on the line, I should get to chose how to risk it and on what." she said stubbornly, noticing the lack of distance between their faces as she looked up.
Ron sighed heavily and closed the distance between them and rested his forehead on hers.
"I'm sorry for anything that was misinterpreted and that causes you pain. I was just trying to do what I thought was best after I knew you were upset about seeing Heather and I."
Jean closed her eyes, enjoying the smell of the man in front of her. A smoky, but somewhat fresh scent surrounded her, ignoring the mud and sweat from herself. "I'm sorry I overreacted and didn't give you a chance to explain. It was.. childish of me. I just figured that.. well, it doesn't matter. I'm sorry."
"What did you figure, Jean?" Ron asked, moving his head up and looking into her eyes once more.
"I just figured that... that you didn't think of me the same way that I thought of you and that it was my fault for getting in as deep as I was." she said softly, not even sure if he could hear her.
"Jean," he said, prompting her to look back at him.
She was surprised to see him smiling. It wasn't like a laughing smile, but a sincere smile that made Jean return the gesture.
Knowing what was about to happen, Jean decided to take action into her own hands and leaned up and kissed him soundly on the lips.
It was everything she thought and nothing she imagined at the same time.
The last time her and Ron had been this close was Christmas, and that was a ghost of a kiss compared to this. This was what a kiss was meant to me.
His lips were warm and inviting as the met multiple times. Jean could feel his chest under her hand that was now resting over his heart. How had that happened? She didn't care. It was in the bliss of their lips meeting when she felt his hand touch her hip that she pulled away.
She looked around quickly and then back to the man in front of her. He also had taken a scan or their surroundings before meeting her eyes.
He looked at peace. Jean wasn't sure how well she knew Ron Speirs, but she did know one thing. He had enjoyed that kiss as much as she had.
Smiling up, she straightened her back and then was horrified. "Mud!"
Ron looked down and let out, for one of the few times she had heard, a guffaw of laughter.
"No! I got mud all over you! How can you laugh at that!?" Jean scolded him, "You need to get that off right away!"
Panicked at the marks of brown and grey on Ron's shirt, she tried to rub some of it off with her hands, but it was futile.
"How can you just stand there?" Jean asked. "You need to go and change! Someone will know!"
"Know what?" he said softly, grabbing Jean's hands as they fumbled with the dirt on his jacket. "I'm in training gear, it's muddy out, and I have mud on me. There isn't anything odd about that. Just the way that you're reacting to it."
Jean looked around again, checking that they were still alone, flustered that she couldn't get the mud from his jacket and almost more clustered that he didn't seem to be fazed. She looked at him and Ron was wearing a look that she was sure she hadn't seen before.
"What?" she asked. He looked all around her face and she suddenly felt very exposed. "What? Do I have something on my face?"
Ron chuckled again, and looked at Jean's eyes, "Yes, in fact you do. You have mud on your face, your body, but I just want to remember this."
"Remember what?" Jean asked quickly, now trying to rub any dirt she could feel from her face.
"A perfect moment." Ron said softly before tucking a loose strand of hair behind jean's ear.
"Oh." Jean said softly, the wind in her sails gone as she flushed.
Ron tilted his head and looked at Jean as if to say something more but stopped himself.
"Well, um," Jean started. "I should um, shower. As you noted I am covered in mud, not unlike yourself now... So um..."
"So I guess I'll see you around then?" Ron asked, not able to hid a small voice of hope in his words.
Jean smiled, "Yes. I'll see you around."
They both smiled and turned, and Jean quickly turned before going down the stairs. "Ron!"
He turned and Jean hushed her voice after flinching at the level of sound she made. "I'm sorry for making assumptions without listening to what you had to say."
He just nodded and shrugged. "I'm sorry for letting you jump to assumptions and not setting it straight earlier than now."
Jean nodded and walked down the stairs.
As she grabbed an extra towel from the laundry room on her way to the showers, she couldn't help the beaming smile that stayed on her face as she washed the mud from her body. Even putting the dirty clothes back on didn't put her off as she made her way to Mr. Morgan's house and changed before walking over the mess hall for dinner with the boys.
George asked her what her good mood was for, and Bill jumped in and told him it was because she had kicked Joe's butt during the course. Jean just smiled and shrugged as George looked at her with a questioning face.
She just smiled and mouthed "later" to him and so he smiled nodded at Jean's warmth and began to play cards.