A.N./ Well, it is time. This is the last chapter of We Keep Loving Anyway. There won't be any epilogue because I feel like it wouldn't be necessary and wouldn't add anything to the story. So yeah, this is the last piece of this story, I really hope you'll like it :)
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee nor any of its characters
OooO
If you asked Rachel if she had ever been disappointed by people she cared about, the answer would be yes. Her mom had disappointed her. But she had apologized and changed, and Rachel had forgiven her. She had thought it would be the end of it. But Sebastian had also hurt her, in the worst way possible.
She didn't have words to explain the way she felt that day. Utter shock, sadness, disappointment. She didn't even understood what happened. One day he said he loved her, and the next told her he was wrong. And it had hurt her deeply, because she cared about him more than most people.
She still remembered coming back to her apartment and just running to her room to cry. She curled herself in a ball, sobbing, and couldn't even remember for how long she cried before falling asleep.
When she woke up the next day, she just stayed under the covers for the whole day. The world suddenly felt unsafe, as if she had been lied to her whole life. She just wanted to be wrapped in the warmness of her blanket, and to forget everything.
But forgetting wasn't an option, and she knew it. As much as she wanted to stay in her room forever, the world was still turning outside of her room.
Ben came to check up on her first. She didn't answer him, her back turned to him. She couldn't tell him, not now. Eris came a bit later. She was more insistent. But Rachel stayed her head buried under her covers.
When night came and she found herself to be hungry, she slipped out of her bed and made her way to the kitchen. Ben and Eris were both in their rooms, thankfully. After she ate, she came back to her room and slept like a baby. The following day, she woke up and started to function normally. She had bags under her eyes, and constantly had tears in her eyes, but at least she was up and moving and simply living.
She had to, anyway. The rehearsals for her show started, and she had to at least pretend to be fine. And it was such an opportunity, she didn't want to waste it, it was her first professional gig. She just learned her lines, and rehearsed and hoped she would get better.
And she did got better, eventually. And Eris kept encouraging her to put herself back out there, to start dating again. But she wasn't ready for that. She didn't even know if she'd ever be ready. When she reflected on her previous relationships, all she thought about was failure. She almost regretted letting her heart be vulnerable. Maybe she shouldn't have, after all.
Kurt had been there too, for the summer. At first, she felt guilty to have to tell him that she didn't feel good enough to hang out with him and visit the city. But he didn't take it badly. He gave her her space, and when she got better, he came to hang with her at her apartment. It felt good to have him as a friend again.
The performances for the show she was in started, and she felt so much better instantly. She was meant to do that, there was no denying. The more performances she got to do, the most she loved it. When the performances ended in August, she just felt so sad. She had become somewhat close with her cast, and she would miss performing eight times a week, that was for sure. But it was also tiring, and school was going to start soon. At least she would just have school to focus on.
Yeah, that's what she thought. Until her father called.
"I have talked with your mother and we both agree on this," her dad said, "we want you to search for a job."
"What?" Rachel almost shouted.
"Rachel, you're an adult now. You need to start to take your responsibilities."
So yeah, she had to look for a job. Which she did, but turns out looking for a job isn't as easy as people make it seem.
"You know, they are looking for new workers at the restaurant I work at." Eris told her.
"Do you think you could–"
"Talk to my boss about you? Yeah." Eris nodded. "Just give me your resume."
And so an interview later, here she was, walking to the restaurant with Eris by her side.
"This job's not too bad, you'll see." Eris said as she handed Rachel her uniform. She went to the locker room to change and joined Eris in the main room.
"Okay, so my manager told me I'm the one who's going to train you." Eris told Rachel "This is a really stupid idea, but let's go."
Rachel scanned the room to try and get accustomed to her new workplace. But before she could see the entire room, she saw him.
Sebastian seemed to have seen her before she did, his eyes were wide open. When their eyes met, he instantly turned away, looking a bit flushed.
Rachel felt something in her stomach. Was it apprehension? It certainly felt like it.
She followed Eris and listened to her as she explained how the place worked and what would Rachel would have to do. It wasn't until she saw him walking across the room that she processed the information. Sebastian worked here. She was going to work with him. Well, probably not directly with him, or at least she hoped she wouldn't have to.
She felt like she had sort of got over it. But now that she knew he was there, she didn't feel ready to face him. It felt like too much at the same time, she was just completely overwhelmed.
She started to work. Taking some orders, bringing plates, passing by Sebastian, and Sebastian passing by her. And gradually, it felt more natural. She didn't feel this uncomfortable feeling and she even started to wonder why she even felt like that in the first place.
At the end of the service, Rachel changed into her own clothes, putting her uniform back in her closet.
"Can we talk?" She heard behind her.
She turned around. Sebastian had his hands in his pockets. He had talked with a soft-spoken voice, almost as if shy.
She didn't know why she said yes, but she did. She followed him into the kitchen after every one left it and a silence settled in between them. He stood in front of her, fidgeting with his fingers. She looked at him, then at the floor.
"I..." He started.
She raised her head to look at him, and he went back to silence. It looked like he was struggling inside. She started to wonder what it was going to be about. Was it going to be about them? About how he regretted what he had done? In a way, it seemed quite egotistical to think that it would be about her. So she let that go.
"I lied." He finally said.
Her heart felt heavy all of a sudden. Lying. What could he have possibly lied about? She was about to ask him when he talked again.
"When I said that we couldn't be together, that we weren't meant to be. I lied."
Hearing all of this a second time hurt more than she ever could imagine. She had hoped that he had lied, of course. She had held onto the hope that all of this was a lie. But then she had moved on. And now, he was telling her what she had been wanting to hear. So why did it felt so unsatisfying?
"Why did you lie?" She asked.
He swallowed hard, his eyes finally landing on her.
"Evan made me."
"What?"
"He..." He took a deep breath. "He knew the person who was interviewing me, he said he was going to make me fail."
He paused for a moment.
"He also said he was going to make sure you'd never get cast."
Rachel's first clenched as she heard that. She wouldn't expect less from Evan. She had always known he wasn't a fair player. But still, she had thought she was safe from his schemes.
"Why would he do this?" She asked, her voice breaking.
Sebastian sighed. "He wanted you back."
"Is this why," she asked as she remembered something, "is this why he came to my apartment the day after that?"
"He came? What did he say?"
"I... I didn't see him."
Evan had knocked on the door, and Ben had answered. When Ben came to Rachel, who was under the covers, to tell her, she told him that she didn't want to see Evan. She had heard that Ben had told Eris who was Evan and that she had insulted him and flipped him off before slamming the door in his face.
"I'm sorry. For everything." He breathed.
She wanted to be mad at him, she should be mad at him for going along with something like that. But then she looked at him, and he seemed genuinely sorry. Her look became more tender.
"I don't expect you to forgive me, I just needed to—"
"I forgive you." She said.
"What?"
He seemed shocked, but those words had just flowed naturally from her mouth.
"I forgive you, Sebastian."
Rachel smiled to him, and she left.
OooO
A few days later, Rachel was meeting with Lea to have some coffee. Lea had arrived earlier than her, and she threw her an almost cold glance when Rachel walked up to her.
"You're late, again..." Lea said.
"I'm sorry, my dance teacher wanted to talk to me after class." She said, breathless.
"Ah, I can never be mad at you anyway." Lea shrugged.
Lea and Rachel had met at the beginning of the year. They both took the same Biology class and happened to sit next to each other during the first class. Lea was a cool girl. She was just this kind of girl that didn't care about every one else thought of her. Rachel wished she was more like her, but she had a tendency to listen a lot to people's opinions on her.
Rachel noticed that Lea was fidgeting with her fingers.
"Are you okay?" Rachel asked.
"Well… I'm really stressed with school, and it's also complicated with my family." Lea said.
"You can talk to me, you know?"
"I know. Right now, I don't wan't to, but I will." Lea nodded. "Are you okay?"
"Me? Uh, yeah, I'm fine." She lied.
The rest of the day went well, and when she went to work on the next day, she felt much more lighter. She saw Sebastian and smiled at him.
"Hey!"
He almost jumped, looking surprised, but he answered, "hey", with a shy smile.
As time passed, the tension between them seemed to ease, and she finally felt comfortable around him. Sure, it still wasn't the same as when they were best friends, but still. It hurt a bit, when she was with him and would hesitate to do something, because she longed for this time when she never hesitated about doing or saying anything around him.
But still, as she exited the restaurant and saw him leaning against the wall and shoving something in his pocket, she decided to walk up to him. He raised his head when he saw her and smiled.
"Hey." She said.
"Hi."
"Did you come here to smoke?" She asked as she gestured to his pocket.
"Oh, no, Alistair called." He said.
"I know, I was joking." She said. "So, What where you two talking about?"
"He was asking me if I could buy some milk."
"At 11pm?"
"Alistair takes his nighttime cereal very seriously." Sebastian said.
Rachel chuckled. It almost felt like old times. Talking, laughing, just being casual and comfortable around each other. She had a feeling this would not remain, but it did.
"I'll just buy it before going back." He shrugged.
"I can go with you." She blurted out.
The words just came out of her mouth and she didn't realized it until she said it. She wouldn't have hesitated to say it a few months ago, but now...
"If you want to." She added.
Sebastian started at her for a few seconds, startled. Then he blinked a few times.
"Yeah, sure, we can do that."
They walked in silence for a while, heading to the nearest subway station. Then she looked at him. He looked tense, as if he was nervous of saying or doing something wrong.
"Have you tried the new Thai place that opened on 76th?" She asked out of the blue.
"No." He answered. "People have told me about it though, apparently it's good."
"Yeah, I've been there, it's… it's good. You should try it sometime."
"I will, then."
They went back to silence, Rachel feeling like her efforts to turn their friendship around were useless.
"I missed you." Sebastian said.
Rachel turned to look at him, he was looking at her.
"I just missed being near you and spending time with you." He said. "I know it will never be the same and that's my fault, but I'm glad we're speaking again."
Rachel sighed. Of relief, sadness, and hope.
"I missed you too."
OooO
Months passed, and the two old friends went back to talk to each other, even laugh with each other some times. It just felt normal now. She almost had her friend back, and she was happy about it.
"Hey, Rachel." Sebastian called from behind her.
They hadn't started the service yet, so they were just getting everything ready. She turned to him and smiled.
"What's up?"
"So, my mom handed me this over Thanksgiving, and told me to give it to you." He said, seeming uncertain.
She raised an eyebrow at him as she took the wrapped gift.
"I really don't know what it is, so I apologize in advance." He said.
She laughed, a real genuine laughter.
"I'm sure whatever it is, it's amazing." She said.
She would love it no matter what, because it was from Sophie.
She opened it. It was a pink notebook with a rainbow and the words "You are amazing, you got this!" written on it. Rachel chuckled.
"This is awesome. As expected."
Sebastian laughed. "Man, I thought it would be something more…"
"Extravagant?" She cut him.
"Probably. I was gonna say 'out of this world', but it works too."
"Thank her for me." Rachel said with a smile.
"Will do." He said with a formal tone.
And they went back to work.
It felt good to have those simple moments back. To just… feel good around him, again. Days, after days, she felt this more and more. She even found herself smiling when thinking about seeing him the following day.
"Rachel?"
She turned around. Ben was at her door. He had probably been knocking and calling her name for a while. And she was holding her glass unicorn against her chest. She dropped it on her bed.
"Yes?" She answered.
"Is everything okay?" He asked as he raised an eyebrow.
She wasn't going to tell him that she was just holding an old birthday gift because she was nostalgic.
"Yep. Sure." She said. "What can I do for you?"
Ben walked up to her bed."I need some advice. And also to tell you something." He said as he sat down on her bed.
As Rachel looked at him, she noticed he was fidgeting with his fingers.
"You can talk to me about anything." She reassured him.
"I know." He sighed.
There was a moment of silence, in which Ben seemed to be looking for his words. She gave him all the time he needed.
"I… I need some advice on how to tell Eris that I'm gay." He finally said.
"Oh, you're…"
"What you're gonna tell me you didn't suspect anything?"
"Absolutely not!" She said. "Okay, maybe a little."
"I knew it." Ben shook his head.
"But it was a recent suspicion." Rachel left her finger. "Do you remember a week ago when we were walking through campus and we ran into this guy, Manu… Mao…"
"Mauricio." Ben corrected her.
"Right. So he waved at you and said hi, and you almost jumped and waved shyly and you were blushing hard." Rachel said.
"Is it that obvious?"
"That you have a crush on Mauricio?" Rachel asked. "Yes. So I figured you might be attracted to guys, but I didn't know if you were gay, bi, pan… And I didn't want to assume you were attracted to him anyway, cause there was a possibility that you just thought he was a very cool dude."
Ben nodded. "So do you think Eris knows?"
Rachel shrugged. "She's your sister, she knows you well. But you've also always been very secretive about your feelings."
Ben frowned his eyebrows.
"Do you want to tell her?" She asked and he nodded. "I haven't known her for a long time. But I would be surprised if she didn't completely accept you."
"Yeah, you're right." Ben said, determined. "Could you… could you be there while I tell her?"
"Of course, Ben!"
An hour later, Ben and Rachel were waiting on the couch. When Eris opened the door, both of them turned their head towards her.
"Is something wrong?" She asked.
"Hey Eris, Ben would like to talk to you."
Eris sat down next to Ben slowly.
"So… what is it about?" Eris asked. "Is it about the missing cookies? I ate them, I know I shouldn't have lied about it, but yeah. Oh wait is it about the hole in the wall next to the bedroom? That's actually a funny story, see—"
"I'm gay." Ben said.
Eris starred at him for a few seconds.
"Okay." She nodded.
"Is that all you have to say?" Ben asked.
"Well, yeah. I'm glad that you trust me enough to tell me and all, but yeah."
Ben chuckled. " Well, that was a lot easier than I thought it would be. Now I just have to tell Mom and Dad." His smile dropped instantly. "Oh."
"Hey, listen," Eris pointed her finger to him, "If Mom and Dad don't accept you, I'll kill them."
OooO
Rachel sighed as she turned the page of her World History book. She was tired, and was really hating College life right now, but hey, she had chosen that life, so joke's on her.
"You look downhearted." Ben said as he sat next to her at the table.
"Oh, do I?" She said ironically.
"Why though? It's your birthday, we should celebrate it!"
"I work tonight." Rachel said as she sighed dramatically.
Ben frowned. "Oh, too bad." His eyes lit up. "But maybe we can still do something later."
"I finish work really late, I'll be super tired." Rachel answered.
"We can just do something between the both of us. And Eris, I guess, because she'll join us wether or not she's invited. We can just order pizza and watch a movie and have fun."
Rachel smiled sweetly. "I'd like that very much. Thank you, Ben."
Ben winked and left the room.
Later that day, Rachel was back in her uniform, her apron ironed and perfectly placed, as always. Sure, she would prefer to be celebrating this day with Ben right now, but it was okay. She knew this job was temporary, she wouldn't spend her entire life doing this and one day, she would have her dream job. And that made everything else worth it.
"Hey." She heard and she lifted her head to find Sebastian. "I just, I just wanted to say Happy Birthday." He said, a hand rubbing his neck.
"Thanks, Seb." She said with a smile.
"I… I'm sorry I don't have a gift." He said, his eyes on the floor as if to hide his embarrassment.
"Oh, it's okay, I really don't need anything." Rachel said.
He sighed and his shoulder lowered, seeming less tense. As if it was a relief.
"But I'll definitely get you something for your birthday." She said with a smirk.
"Thanks, but I don't want anything either." He told her.
"Well, too bad, because I'm still going to get you something."
He smiled, his eyes lighting up. And she smiled too. And for a moment, it was just the two of them. Two old friends standing awkwardly in front of each other, but the awkwardness not bothering them.
Rachel's eyes noticed the tip of Sebastian's ear that were colored with pink, and her heart was warm, beating a little faster even.
"I should—" She gestured with her thumb pointing behind her.
"Yeah, of course." Sebastian shook his head, composing himself. "Well I… I hope you had a great birthday, despite having to come to work."
Rachel threw him a last smile and she thought about the next gesture for a few seconds. She sighed and hugged him. He hugged her back and a warm feeling came over her. It just felt good in his arms. Like he had her back and nothing could hurt her, like nothing else in the world mattered.
She stepped back, noticing the light pink on Sebastian's cheeks, and left, heading back to the comfort of her apartment. When she opened the door and was met by her two roommate shouting "surprise" at her, she almost jumped.
The letters of 'Happy Birthday' were sticked on the wall and streamers were hanging down the ceiling. Tears started to form in Rachel's eyes.
"Happy Birthday Rachel!" Eris said as she hugged her tightly.
Ben joined in the hug and Rachel closed her eyes, the tears finally strolling down her cheeks. She was truly lucky, and she knew it.
OooO
After spending a few days with her family for Christmas, Rachel had to get back to New York for the New Year's Eve. She wished she could just enjoy this great day in this great city, like she had done the previous year, but no, she had to work again. It was okay though. She knew her parents were right, and she had to start having some responsibilities.
"Hey!" She said to Sebastian as she saw him enter the kitchen.
"Hi, Rach." He said, frowning after the lost nickname passed his lips.
It just sounded like it came out naturally, and Rachel's lips formed a smile despite herself.
"Well, since you're there, at least I know I'm not going to be bored tonight." Sebastian said.
Rachel laughed. "I won't be too bored either I guess."
"Oh, by the way," Sebastian said as he reached in his pocket, "I did have a birthday present for you."
Rachel looked up at him. He looked nervous.
"I just didn't know if it was appropriate or not for me to give it to you and I… Anyway, here it is."
He opened his hand and revealed a necklace with a small crystal-like pendant.
"A unicorn." She breathed out.
"Yeah, I just thought I should help you continue the unicorn collection."
Rachel felt her cheeks warming up and she turned around quickly as she realized it.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
"Yeah, yeah, I just…"
"Do you want me to put it on for you?" He asked.
"Oh, yes, thanks." She said.
She felt him get closer to her and the cold silver chain on her skin. His hands lightly brushed her neck as he fastened the necklace. She turned around.
"Thank you so much, Seb." Rachel said, holding the unicorn pendant between her fingers.
"Well I'm just glad you like it." Sebastian said.
"I love it."
He smiled and nodded and they both went on to start their shift.
Turned out it wasn't the most awful shift after all. But midnight was approaching, and Rachel did wish she could be with her friends at this moment.
"Yeah… I know Ali. I'm not… okay." She overhead coming from the kitchen.
She entered the kitchen and saw Sebastian hanging up.
"Oh, sorry if I disrupted you." She said.
"No, you weren't don't worry." He shook his head. "It was Alistair. He just wanted to make sure that I wouldn't flake tomorrow."
"Are you two doing something tomorrow?" She asked innocently.
"No, I—" He stopped, his eyes looking at his hands. "I'm… I'm going on a date."
"Oh." Rachel eyes opened wide, her whole body frozen.
"I don't even know the guy, Alistair just arranged it and I don't really—"
"That's cool, I hope you'll have fun." Rachel nodded as she tried to appear the most natural she could, even though she felt a heavy sensation on her heart.
There was a pause, a silence. Rachel didn't know what else to say, and she just hoped Sebastian would have something to say.
"I don't even want to go on a date with him." Sebastian said.
"Well you haven't met him, so that does make sense—"
"No, I mean I don't want to go on a date with him, or whoever I meet."
She feared the answer to that question but still, she asked "Why?"
"Because I love you."
Her breath got caught in her chest as she heard those words.
"I know it might be a bit too much, maybe I should have just told you I like you, but… The truth is I still love you."
"Alright." She said and she turned around, walking away. Because it felt unreal, and she remembered the disappointed, but…
The countdown shouted by the patrons sounded so far away…
"Ten! Nine!"
But she turned back and walked up to him, resolve in her eyes.
"Sebastian, can I kiss you?" She asked.
He looked out of words, but he breathed out "yes".
"Two! One! Zero!"
Her lips touched his softly, sweetly at first. His hands came on her waist to hold her closer, intensifying the kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck, a lost familiarity that she had missed. But it felt new. It was new.
They parted, out of breath. Rachel's eyes were sparkling as she tried to catch her breath.
"I love you too, by the way."
OooO
A.N./ Well, that's the end. I can't even express how I feel about this story ending. It was by far the one that I worked the hardest on and the one I am proudest of. I want to thank each one of you who has read, favorited, reviewed or follow this fanfic 3 .This also marks the end of me writing on this website, so that will be my last fan fiction. It was fun, and along the lines I also learned a lot and found the confidence to create my own characters and worlds. Anyway, I really hope you enjoyed this story as much as I love writing it, if you could review it it would mean the world to me!
Thank you again!