I'll Live

Two weeks dragged by. Two weeks flew by. And then, suddenly it seemed, the Sunday matinee, the last performance of the play had come to be. With me still trying to find a reason to keep going past this. A reason that could get past—my foot did not find a pedal when I sat in front of the piano.

Frowning, I peered down. Did the pedal fall...off?

No. The pedals were still in place and in working condition. My foot had bumped into my CD case. The one I'd...the one I'd lent out to Danny. Before.

I picked it up and unzipped it, checking over the albums and finding them all there, intact.

That was...nice?

Glancing around, there were a few grandparents at the play early, but Danny was no where to be spotted. I guess he snuck it in here sometime between last night's performance and today's afternoon one. Because I know I did not see him in the audience for any of the performances so far.

I had not been looking for him. I was observant was all.

Still.

I looked back to the CD case in my hands.

Still. This was a nice surprise. Considering he probably thought I was going to use an enemy's device on him.

At least he was safe and knew about it, I thought to myself, trying to see the bright side to it.

And then I spotted the edge of paper sticking up in the back of my CD case. Flipping through the remainder of the CDs, I opened it to the back. The scrap of notebook paper did not look like much, but the handwriting was purposely precise and neater than I knew of Danny's scribbles.

Ashley,
Thanks for allowing me to listen.
And giving me control of a certain
photo. And the film for that photo.
I entrust it back to you.
Danny
I'm sorry. Friends?

I blinked. And lifted the paper up to look underneath. Sure enough, Danny had left the film and five copies of that photograph inside. He gave these back to me? The thing that disproves his running away from every ghost? A thing that displays part of his secret? Standing up against the ghosts and fighting them?

Friends?

But...we weren't.

Friends?

Not anymore.

Friends?

I knew it wasn't going to last long.

Friends? He wants to be friends? Still? Again? After I...

Friends?

Was there something wrong with Danny?

Friends?

There had to be something wrong with him.

Stunned, I stared and then startled at spotting the back of the scrap of paper.

P.S. Really. I'm sorry. I have
issues with the fruitloop. It's
really not you. I believed you
about it. I trust you. Which is
really, really weird for me, I mean,
considering what I, er. But it's true.

"Is he insane?"

"For trusting you?"

Stiffening, I froze. No. I was hearing things.

"Maybe? Eh, probably. But doesn't make it less true. Because I do."

Real.

That was Danny's voice.

The bench squeaked as I twisted and spun my head around to figure out where he was. Danny was nowhere to be seen. But I know I heard him.

"Sorry, Ashley. I uh, didn't know if you really wanted to see me. Since I've been not the best friend to you the last couple of weeks. More like a crap friend. Sorry."

Invisible. Danny was invisible right now. Because he had a thing that allowed him to fight on the same playing field as ghosts. Of course he could take advantage of it and be invisible right now.

"Especially as you've been such a great friend to me."

"What? I'm not that great, Danny."

"You are to me," he returned quickly and peevishly. "And I won't have anyone, not even you, telling me to think otherwise of you."

The denial of my declaration, Danny being forceful with his own, did not feel pleasant. Me, great? I just lived day by day. I did as I was asked to do. I tried and failed to live up to anything much, nothing worthwhile in the short or long run. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I drifted by and could be easily replaced by another person, another volleyball member, another pianist, another daughter. Another person who I knew would step up and be better than me. Shy and quiet and full of mistakes and very much unlikable. I knew it. I was no one important. Much less a person who could have the word 'great' tied in with their name.

"I'm not that great," I mumbled, disgruntled.

"I disagree."

"And I disagree your disagree."

A burst of a laugh sounded. "And I disagree your disagree to my disagree. How far you think we can go until I can sneak in 'agree' to have you say you agree when you copy it back?"

I sighed.

"Speaking of copies, since Brandon said he made a few, I didn't think you'd mind if I made copies of the CDs in there I liked too. You don't, do you? Mind, that is?"

I shook my head and zipped the CD case, as well as everything inside it, closed. Then pumped the pedals with my foot, frowning at the keys. Danny was acting so...casual. Easy. Simple. Friends again. Like it was no big deal. Like he was not insane. Either the first time he decided to be friends with me or this time. Or like I was not insane for actually going along with it for a short time.

"You... You can say no. I would get it, understand."

His words were thick and forced out with difficulty.

"I mean. Sam and Tucker. They've been by my side and friends even before ghosts were found to be real. Good friends. To stick by me. But none of us knew back then... It's just... You have an out. To not get dragged into...everything like they do. To be a regular student with minimal ghost interactions. I don't want to see you hurt. Which is why..."

There was a long pause.

"Which is why," he drew out slowly. "I want to keep being friends with you. And don't. Because of the ghost stuff. But more... I would really prefer if we could keep being friends."

"That...that doesn't make any sense."

"I know," his voice admitted. "But it does. I... I am definitely not asking you to help with the ghost stuff, to fight them with me like Sam and Tucker do. I am not dragging you into all of that. And I can easily, it'd actually be funny to see him lose it, laugh at Vlad and claim you had no idea what he was going on about with me. That you agreed just to get him to go away, to leave Tucker's body. Or well, you can say no. Keep as much distance as anyone at Amity Park can ever really get from ghosts. Be easy."

Danny's voice sounded downright dejected now.

"The fruitloop got caught giving that device to you. He's not going to drag you back into any plans again if he knows we aren't friends. Those vultures, from the Homecoming dance, they spy for him. And were spying on you, or well, us. As far as I can figure out. So... He'd know. It'd be easy. Him knowing that we aren't, aren't friends anymore. If that's what you want. Sam and Tucker, they've been friends before all this and have stuck it out with me. But...I don't want to see you hurt."

I pressed my foot down again, then lifted it back off the pedal. "You said that already," I stated simply.

It worked. It prompted Danny to continue.

"Yeah. I know. I don't want to see anyone hurt. Thus... Whoosh and zap, you know? With ghost fighting. Quick. Well, quick as I can. But, well...there's things out there that hurt worse than getting a few scars and marks."

A slight pause followed. I frowned at that bit of insight from him. Was he referring to my injuries or ones he had gotten? Saying he knew of things that hurt worse than injuries he had gotten? Or was he saying he thought that of me? Which, yes, I knew that very deeply in the passing of my dad. But it sounded like...more.

"And you've been such a great friend to me for the short time we've known each other. I'd like to be one for you. Sit together at lunch. Pass notes. Make plans to do something cool and then just wind up hanging out doing nothing. Like listening to more of your music collection. Make big plans we actually do, like going to a concert or something. Write down a whole collection of awful jokes and puns together. Cover for you if you need someone to, with the teachers or family or if you forgot to do something. Those sorts of things, you know?"

I knew. I got the idea. And it was just like Danny. To make it all seem so simple. The simple little things.

Even if he was insane and there was something wrong with him.

Did he not fully get I had gone in fully knowing it would not last? Was he not listening when I said I had no friends? Or paying attention to all the times I told him it was fine to leave me for others? I expected it. I understood that.

But...he made it sound so simple. And heartfelt, honest, sincere. Wanting to be with someone, accepting and appreciating them, companionship and support. With...me?

Insane. Insanity. He made it sound so simple.

With enough in there that...he noticed. He voiced it out loud. I don't think he knew, not fully, it didn't seem like anyone knew, much less cared, but Danny...

That, come down to it, as much as I knew and acted otherwise to block myself...it hurt. The distance. Between others and myself. I cared. I couldn't help it. Tried staying out of everything considering how much people had let me down all through middle school. But. When someone needed something, when there was a way I could help them in schoolwork or doing something or being part of the team...I did. It was a good day when I got a thanks, but that was a good day. No one really thought anything of it, those little things I did. I just...floated. Any living anchor was long gone.

Somehow, Danny's insanity felt far more than anyone else.

Because he voiced it. The fact that being hurt was far more than physical injury. The simple want of spending time with me. Those two voiced close together in such a way that—

"Yeah. Yeah, that sounds nice."

My hands froze over the keys, my foot over a pedal. And I stared, wide eyed, blinking furiously at how dry they got, in front of me. Did I just...? No, no. I can't agree to Danny's insanity! It would happen again! Everyone... It was going to end badly. Right? For sure. It'd be even worse! I had to tell him that although all that sounded nice, sounded great and far too good and far far too good to be true and in lasting, that we could not...

I found myself blinking furiously again, squeezing away the sudden burst of tears.

"Really?" And barely a pause before he let out a gleeful crow. "YES!"

There were startled screams and people swiveling their heads around, whispering and panicking if it was a ghost, then the noise dying off as nothing happened. A few rolling their eyes and chuckling over antics of teenagers. Slowly, Danny appeared up from behind the piano. Very visible. And looking very abashed and embarrassed.

I smiled and nearly laughed at his burst of thoughtless excitement. Thoughtless. The excitement being...the words of friendship being... Too good to be true.

How could I tell him no now?

"Er...whoops? But well, they're not too wrong..."

He laughed a bit, then his face brightened.

"So...what do you say about hanging out after this? Get something to eat? Maybe some Nasty Burger?"

Those blue eyes sparkled at me from over the piano. Technically, the cast and crew hung out after the last performance. I should go. I planned on going. But it usually only ended up being mostly the acting cast and watching a movie together to relax with groups of people talking while I sat part of it but not really part of it... I'd been part, I should go. I ought to go.

The cast and crew always hang out after this.

The words were there.

And yet...

And, well, I kind of didn't want to tell him no.

"Sure."

Danny beamed.

"Great!"

I have agreed...

How? Why? Oh my god, what is wrong with me?

...to his insanity.

Yes Ashley, take the positive good thing, go toward that. Even if you don't really think the best of yourself and your worth, yes, agree to Danny's 'insanity'. I'm so happy to see a follow and a couple favorites for Ashley. And a big thank you to Riley-Cooper123 for reviewing.