Stephanie's POV

I'm nervous as heck. I'm so grateful that I got my period today. I have never been so excited about it, cramps, and all. When I panicked this morning, not being able to find maxi pads, I ran into Tia Celia. She had some on hand, and I told her I had my period. She was relieved but said I need to go to the doctor to be sure. I know deep down that I miscarried, and though I'm upset about the loss of this innocent child, I'm glad that I'm not being forced to make an impossible decision regarding his or her future.

I know that I want to be a mother. Someday, when I'm older and married to a man I love. Now is not that time. I still wanted to go with Carlos and Lester to watch their friendly soccer game. Carlos took a chair for me, while Lester carried the beach blankets and water in a backpack. I still am not allowed to go into the water or to get sand on my incision, but sitting on the chair allows me to enjoy the beach while keeping everything clean. Hopefully, by this time next week, I'll be cleared for normal activities.

When Carlos and Lester were playing, I knew that the other girls were not happy to see me, especially Maria. I know that she has her eyes on Carlos, but he belongs to me. I don't know why I'm feeling so possessive of him, but I do. It's like I know that he belongs to me. I hope I belong to him. She is not thrilled that he is giving me all his attention. When they took their break to cool off, Carlos came over to me and sat on the sand in front of me. I gave him bottled water, and he drank it quickly. I asked him why he didn't go into the ocean, and he said he didn't want me to be lonely. I told him I was fine, that I was enjoying my time outdoors, knowing that I'd have to stay inside this afternoon because I forgot to bring sunblock to reapply. Any more time outdoors today, and I'll be a lobster tomorrow.

I finally convinced him to go into the ocean, and he reluctantly went in, joining Lester. Soon enough, though, they resumed their game. When Carlos scored the first goal of the match, I was thrilled. I jumped up and down which caused me a little discomfort in my abdomen. I have to remember I'm still a little sensitive since I'm not yet fully healed. Carlos really is a great player. I am learning a lot from watching his technique. I will ask him to show me some of his footwork before I go home. I know I could be a much better player if I work with Carlos.

When the match ended, the guys are high fived and fist-bumped each other, ragging on each other the way guys do. It was great to see. As the guys walked over to us, the girls swarmed them like flies on food. I didn't bother getting up. I knew that my Carlos would come to me, there was no need for me to chase after him. I saw Maria glide over to him, offering him a water bottle. Instead, he stood in front of me and took my water out of hands, gulping it down in one shot. It was a gesture that implied that I was Carlos', and he was mine. Once he finished, he helped me up, packing up my chair so we could head home.

I was glad that Lester didn't join us. It's not that I don't love Lester or enjoy spending time with him, because I do, but I am enjoying getting to know Carlos. When we are alone, he opens up to me, tells me his fears and his dreams. Today was no different.

"I'm afraid to go home to Newark."

"Why? Are you afraid that the gang will pull you back in?"

"No, I'm not worried about the gang. I'm good with the gang. I wasn't fully pledged yet, so I didn't have to go through the severing of ties like most do. That is almost impossible. When I was caught, I kept my silence, knowing that if I did, my family would be safe from them. I'm not worried about the gang."

"Then what are you worried about?"

"Being with my family. I am still angry at my parents for abandoning me. Yes, I know that they are only doing what they think is best for my survival and well-being, but I felt like they dumped me. My sisters always got more attention, and then the twins. The only time I ever wanted my parent's support was when I was playing soccer. I wanted them at the game like all of my friends' parents. Instead, they never showed up, always too busy. Then, I was struggling in school with some bullies. When I tried to talk to my parents about it, they didn't have time. That was why I turned to the gang. I feel as though I didn't fit in. My Abuela is my mother, for all intents and purposes, and Lester is my brother."

"I'm sure that sending you here was a tough decision for your parents. I know that they must feel horrible, as though they failed you. I'm sure if they could go back, they'd do something different, give you a little more attention. But they knew they couldn't give you what you needed but found someone who could. I'm sure you'd do fine. At least they love you enough to help you fly."

"Come on, your parents love you."

"No, they don't. My parents hate me. I'm the screw-up, the reject. I'm the one who doesn't do anything right. My sister, Valerie, is a good child. She is the one they are proud of. She is the only one worthy of their love."

"That can't be true."

"It is. My parents blame me for what Morelli did, saying that I lead him on somehow. Made him think that I wanted him. No good Burg boy like Morelli would ever take advantage of a good Burg girl. It's because I was friendly with the likes of Lester that I was the way I was."

I can tell that Carlos was not happy with what I told him. "I wish you could stay here in Miami, at least until you turn 18. Then, you'd be free to live your life the way you want to live it."

"I'd love to stay here, but I doubt that will happen."

"You have no idea how persuasive Abuela Rosa can be, especially when Tia Celia joins her."

"We'll see." By now, we've arrived back at the house. We enter the kitchen, seeing Abuela eating her lunch.

"I'm going to take a quick shower. I want to go with you, Steph, so please don't leave without me."

"Okay," I say as I sit down across from Abuela, taking a piece of tres leches cake.

"It seems that God answered your prayers, mi hija, and made the decision for you."

"Yes, Abuela. As much as I'm relieved, I'm also sad. I know that making a life is precious, and I will mourn the loss, but I can't say that I'm too upset."

"I understand, and so does God. Estefanía, the offer still stands, though. Do you want to stay here in Miami?"

I pause from eating my cake and look at Abuela. It would be a dream come true for me to stay here. The love I feel from Lester's family is nothing like the hatred I feel from my own.

"I'd love that, but I doubt that my mom would go along. What would the neighbors think?"

"Estefanía, you are in a toxic environment. You are not safe there. I will make sure that you stay with me here. Don't worry, mi hija."

As our conversation finished, and I shoved the last bite of cake into my mouth, Carlos entered the kitchen. He was wearing a pair of blue jean shorts, sneakers, and a grey Yankees t-shirt. Tia Celia followed behind Carlos.

"Mama, are you sure you're going to be okay without me for a couple of hours?"

"Yes, carina, I'll be fine. You go with Estefanía and make sure she's okay."

"Okay, Mama. You have my pager number if there is a problem."

"Go, mi hija, I'll be fine."

Tia Celia, Carlos, and I all went outside and climbed into her SUV. It didn't take us long to arrive at the doctor's office. Once we walked into the waiting room, though, my belly filled with butterflies.

"It will be okay, Querida, I promise," Carlos tells me as I sit down after signing in. After a few minutes, I'm called to the back. The doctor, a female who looks to be around Tia Celia's age, examines me. She does a sonogram and takes my blood. When she finishes her exam, she asks if I want anyone with me when she tells me what's going on. I shake my head. I want to hear this by myself.

"Stephanie, you had a miscarriage. Fortunately, there is no damage to your uterus, so you can expect to have successful pregnancies in the future. I firmly believe that your miscarriage is a result of your appendectomy. The anesthesia and bacteria would have been too much for a fetus to survive."

I let out a sigh of relief, barely containing my tears of thanks. "So, I'm good, Dr. Alvez?"

"Yes, Steph, you're good. However, I would avoid having sex for at least another month, and I would highly recommend that you never have unprotected sex. Those who get pregnant from one act are often very fertile and likely to get pregnant quickly."

"Will it always hurt so much?" I don't know why I asked that question, but it just slipped out.

"Will what always hurts so much?" The doctor asked.

"Sex. When, when the guy put his thingy in me, it hurt so bad. I just remember it being painful. It hurt to walk, and it still hurt the next day. I don't think I want to have sex again."

I guess Dr. Alvez wasn't aware of my history. "Sweetheart, were you raped?"

I nodded, tears filling my eyes. "Oh, dear, I'm so sorry. No, sweetheart, it won't hurt every time. Usually, it doesn't feel painful, but maybe a little uncomfortable at first, but then your body usually accommodates to your partner. You see, Steph, some men are bigger than others. Those who are smaller usually don't hurt at all, but sometimes, a larger man will hurt when he first enters. But anyone who is looking to make sure that you are pleasured will go slowly initially until you are ready for him."

"I don't think I ever want to have sex again."

"I know you feel that way right now, but someday, you will meet a man who will love you, and you will love him. You will want to connect with him in the ultimate act of love. Now, there is nothing wrong in waiting until you find that right man, there's nothing wrong with waiting until you're married, but whenever you feel that you are ready, you will know, and it will be good."

"I guess you're right."

"Stephanie, no one has the right to have sex with you against your will. That includes oral sex or groping. Your body is your body. You have complete control. Never let anyone force you to do something you don't want. And if someone does, make sure you go to the cops immediately. That person deserves to be punished. What happened to the boy who attacked you?"

"Nothing. The guy left town the next morning to join the Navy, and I was grounded for the summer, that is until Tia Celia asked me to help her here in Miami as a mother's helper while she is here to help her mother deal with a knee replacement surgery. My parents blame me. They said that I led him on, and I sent him a message that I wanted him. Yes, I had a crush on him, but I didn't want what he did. I didn't want to have sex until I was married. I was going to wait, but now everyone knows I'm a slut, and no one will think of dating me."

"Stephanie, you are not a slut, and you did not ask for it. Rape is about power, about control. The man who did this to you wanted to exert his power over you and wanted to control you, which he succeeded in. The fact that he got pleasure from the act only reinforced, in his twisted mind, that what he did was okay. Did you have an orgasm?"

"I think so. I'm not sure what one feels like."

"I think you probably did as well. The sensations the first time are often intense. You orgasming during the rape further justified the act in the attacker's mind because he gave you pleasure. Your body's natural reaction fueled his ego. He will most likely rape again. Stephanie, I would like to recommend that you see a therapist who can help you deal with your attack. You need to understand that you didn't do anything wrong. If you continue to see yourself as a victim, it will only make you more vulnerable in the future. I'll have my receptionist give you the names of two really great female therapists."

"Thank you, Dr. Alvez."

"You're welcome. Now I see in your chart that you have had irregular periods. I also see you were on birth control but stopped it. Did you have an adverse reaction to birth control?"

"No, my mother made me stop. She said that no good girl used birth control. That if it got out that I was on the pill, everyone would think I was a slut. She didn't know the doctor prescribed it to me. The doctor went against her wishes because he knew it was medically necessary for me."

"I'm going to put you back on the pill. Get the prescription filled and start the pack today, tomorrow the latest."

"Okay. Thank you, doctor."

"Would you mind if I spoke to Mrs. Rizzi about your visit, including the miscarriage, the therapist, and the birth control?"

"No, you can speak to her."

"Okay."

"Go to the waiting room, Stephanie. I want to see you in three weeks to make sure everything is good."

"Thank you." I get off the examination chair, put on my shoes, and walk to the exit. I stop at the receptionist, scheduling my next appointment, and getting the names and numbers for the therapists as promised along with my prescription for birth control. When I reach the waiting room, Dr. Alvez is there asking Tia Celia to follow her to her office.

"Is everything okay, Babe?"

"Yes, Carlos. Everything is okay." He sees the tear tracks on my face and looks in my eyes.

"Why were you crying?"

"I can't talk about it here. I'll tell you later, okay?"

"Okay," Carlos replies, grabbing my hand. We sit like that until Tia emerges from the back. She walks over to us.

"Steph, let me have those numbers. I'll set up an appointment for you as soon as possible. Let's go to CVS, and we'll get that prescription filled. Carlos, do you want me to drop you off at Abuela's or the beach?"

"Neither, Tia, I'll go with you."

"Okay. Vamanos."

We finish our errands and arrive back at Abuela's shortly before dinner. I help Tia prepare dinner by making the salad and the dressing. Tia Celia knows my fear of being in the kitchen, and between her and Abuela, they have helped me to gain some confidence. While I haven't cooked anything yet, being their sous chef and helping to prepare the vegetables and other ingredients are building my confidence. It's a lot of fun cooking here. There's always music playing and laughter. Carlos and Lester help when they are home, and today is no different. Carlos has been teaching me the proper way to hold a knife. He does so by standing behind me with his hands on mine. I must admit, I get all tingly when he's showing me.

By the time the table is ready to be set, Lester comes walking in the back door. He comes over to me first. "Are you okay, Beautiful?"

"I'm great, Les. No baby. All healthy."

"That's wonderful. Let me go wash up so I can help set the table."

Lester runs off, and five minutes later, returns freshly showered. He gets the dishes and cutlery out, setting the table while Carlos and I help bring the food to the table. Leah, Maria, and Ana spent dinner telling us about their day at the aquarium. Uncle Paul, Lester's stepfather, has been spending his days with the girls, allowing us older kids to hang out together. Once dinner is over, Lester and Uncle Paul clean up the dishes. Since Carlos, Tia Celia, and I prepared dinner, they are on clean-up duty. When Lester finishes, we head back to the beach, where there is going to be fireworks again. Apparently, the large hotels in South Beach set off firework almost every weekend in the summer. We get to enjoy them from our part of the beach.