I'm honestly not so sure about this. I feel like if I had said no to him about helping pick the song, he'd think that I was just acting weird again and he'd dismiss our entire friendship and that's not what I want. But in saying yes, I'm not sure what I just did to myself. I can't promise myself that I'm going to make it out of this without having to excuse myself to the bathroom to break down and cry. I've already resigned myself to the fact that he doesn't have feelings for me, despite the fact that I really thought we made a connection. I've gotten used to the thought of being his friend. And I'm not even going to attempt to ask him about his feelings anymore, because every single time I say something and I think the conversation is leading one way, it goes another and I end up just being really fucking sad for the rest of the day.

I lean forward and turn the nozzle to shut off the water and swallow a lump in my throat. I'm really proud of myself because up until this point, I haven't cried since this afternoon. I have a lot on my mind between worrying about if Brynn is okay and being all depressed over the fact that I want someone that doesn't even think of me, so crying is something I would've expected to do a lot of…but nope. I haven't cried in a few hours and I'm still going strong. And usually when I want to cry, the shower is the place I do it so again, I'm on a roll with surprising myself.

I pull back the curtain and grab my towel off the edge of the sink. I open it up and wrap it around my body. I reach up and pull my hair out of the bun I threw it up in. I would've washed my hair but it takes forever to air dry and when it dries, it dries all wavy and messy and there's no way I'm going over Alex's with bad hair. I tuck my towel under my armpit so it won't fall and grab my toothbrush. I squeeze a pile of toothpaste on my toothbrush and start brushing my teeth.

The bathroom door opens up and Steph walks in it wearing nothing but her bra and her underwear. "You coming to Joe's with us?" She goes immediately over to the shower and starts her water. "I don't know if Leah and them told you about it, but we're all going to Joe's for a drink and then we're probably gonna go back to Heather and Leah's to just chill." She unclasps her bra and tosses it in the hamper then moves on to her underwear.

"I thought I told you that I'm going to Alex's." When I'm done brushing my teeth, I put my toothbrush back inside the toothbrush holder and grab Steph's brush off the shelf on the wall. "I swear you asked me this already and I told you that I was going over Alex's for a couple hours." I start dragging her brush through my hair. My towel fell down to my waist but my hair is long enough to cover my boobs so I'm not worried plus it's Steph in here with me.

"You didn't tell me that." She steps into the shower and closes the curtain behind herself. "…Why are you doing that to yourself? Are you seriously going over there?" She pokes her head out of the shower and looks at me. "Seriously, Jo. I don't get how somebody so smart can make such dumb decisions. You are dumb."

"He's still my friend and I'm just going over there as his friend." When I'm done with my hair, I grab my makeup bag and rummage through it for my eyeliner. "He asked me to come over for a beer because he wants me to help him pick out a wedding song. I can be his friend, Steph. It'll suck…but I can be his friend." I pull my eyelid down so I can apply my bottom eyeliner. "And I really don't think I'm being dumb. He still doesn't know that I'm crushing on him and I don't want him to ever know. He asked me and if I had said no, that'd be a dead giveaway. I just have to suck it up." I move on to my next eye when I'm done with the one I was just working on.

"I just don't get you though." She closes the curtain back and talks to me through it. "Why do you have to go after the losers, the marrieds and the psychos? You're not ugly, Jo… you can have anyone you want. But you have a shitty way of picking them."

"…The heart wants what the heart wants?" I guess she's right about that. I do tend to fall for boys I have no business falling for. And then I always end up so heartbroken and pissed off and bitter when the guy ends up being married or soon-to-be-married or a loser or a psycho. I don't know, maybe I'm just attracted to the real jerks. I can't explain why I fall for the ones I shouldn't fall for. "It's not like I know they're married, engaged, a loser or a psycho when I initially go after them though. It's just my shitty luck…not my shitty judgment."

"Liar. You knew your professor was married and you still had sex with him. And you knew Karev was engaged. The only one you can't be accountable for is Chest Peckwell and you're still being an idiot by not breaking up with him."

"Hey Steph… shut up." I put my makeup bag away and sit down on the toilet not because I have to pee but because I want to finish our conversation. "…I already know I make shitty decisions without you reiterating it. Okay, my professor? That was a huge mistake and I knew it was a mistake while we were doing it. That one WAS shitty decision making and I admit that. And Jason… that was shitty decision making too. I'm not saying if I never slept with him he wouldn't be so psycho, because you can't fix crazy and clearly he was already crazy before I got with him… and yeah I fucked up by having sex with him and I get that too. But Alex is different. It's not like I liked him at first…"

"If you knew it was a mistake then why'd you do it?" She shuts off the shower water and opens up the curtain. "You said you knew it was a mistake while you were doing it. If you knew it was a mistake then why'd you even do it? It's not like you didn't know it was a mistake before you did it. What did you, let him crawl on top of you, start humping then say WHOA WAIT this is a mistake? You're not that stupid."

"No…" I clutch my towel to my body and close my eyes. She's kind of pissing me off but it's Steph so I'm trying to be really lenient about it. "I was just like… thinking. While we were doing it I was just like… wow, this is the lowest thing you've ever done. But I didn't stop it because… I dunno." I shrug my shoulders. "It felt good and I liked it…so I just didn't stop. But I cried afterwards and that kinda ruined it, so."

"Are you just super attracted to old guys?" She wraps her own towel around herself and goes over to the sink just like I did when I got out. "I had a friend in high school that was like that. Her name was Lydia. She was like weirdly attracted to teachers…it was so strange."

"Dr. Gaines wasn't that old." And now I remember why I never stay mad at Steph. She never means to be mean to me when she mocks me and tells me how stupid I am. In a strange way, I'm actually quite thankful for her. She keeps my head on straight. "He was like… 35 maybe 36. And he was light-skinned with a short haircut and he had pretty eyes…ooh, and he had a chin strap." I close my eyes and smile. "He was hot Steph… he was like… Dr. Avery but a little bit darker and a little bit more muscular. And he was always looking at me like he was gonna get me. He tried from day one. He was always like… flirting with me, keeping me after class for stupid shit. He grabbed my ass once but he swore it was because I had lint on my back. He flirted with me a lot and one day he even told me that he wanted me. So I just…" I sigh. "Lesson learned, though. I'm never sleeping with another married man. That was trashy."

"So you're not really attracted to older guys, it's more like you're in love with…basically all biracial boys except for Avery. You never stood a chance against Jason from the start because he's everything. Biracial, muscular, shaved head…everything you like. Got it." She starts to brush her own teeth.

"No, because I'm attracted to Karev and he's white." I tune my nose up. "…I dunno, I guess I don't have a type. I usually did only go after…" I start to smile but only because I'm nervous and what I'm about to say has potential to be disastrous. "Okay, when I was in high school, I really did love… dark skinned boys. Like your brother? I would've dated him in high school. Athletic, tall, handsome, dark skinned…that was my type. But in college, it switched to biracial boys… but I don't think it had anything to do with the color of their skin because I think Shane is hideous and I find Alex so sexy and he's a white guy. So I don't really know my type."

"…Glad to know my roommate isn't a racist." She giggles with a mouthful of toothpaste.

"If I were racist I wouldn't have moved in with you." I stand up from the toilet so I can finally go put some clothes on my ass.

"I think you just like guys with big junks."

"Oh, that's totally important." I open the bathroom door and shake my head. "If that was case, I totally wouldn't have even given Jason a chance. His shit was pathetic."

"I've been meaning to ask you if it was any good but I couldn't figure out the right time."

I bust out in serious, gut-busting laughter as I drop my towel and go over to my dresser. "It lasted a whole ten minutes! He's as big as my PINKY…when it's hard! And it's as skinny as a pencil! I'm so serious!" I hear her in the bathroom laughing right along with me. "He got so mad at me because I called him 'pencil-dick' a couple days ago. Steph, it was PATHETIC." I grab a pair of purple lace underwear from my top drawer and put them on.

"Wait, but I thought you said you got off." She walks into my room because my room is attached to the bathroom and she has to walk through my room in order to get to her room. "You told me you got off on it, so it couldn't have been that bad…"

"He's good with his mouth and that's all." I grab a bra from my dresser and strap it around my body. "If he never went down on me, I would've had to fake an orgasm to get him off me."

"Oh Jo, please tell me you didn't go down on him too…"

"HOW COULD I?! THERE'S NOTHING TO SUCK!" That REALLY makes her laugh. "…Okay, I'm not that big of a hoe. I don't just go around sucking dick for no reason." I search through my drawers for a suitable t-shirt and shorts to wear to Alex's. "But I'm not gonna sit here and act like I've never been down on a boy because I have…. I've gone down on one of my old boyfriends and it's something that we had to come to a mutual agreement to. And if I had gotten a good month in with Jason, I might've considered it…but there is literally NOTHING to suck. Steph, the sex was horrible. The head was great but the sex was awful…"

"…So wait… you only go down on boys that go down on you? So only one guy's ever given you head?" She standing there like I just told her that she's ugly. She seems insulted. But can I be truthful for a second? I really like talking to her about this stuff. I've never really had a girlfriend I could confide in the way I can confide in her. And I'm kind of scared to lose her but I just won't think about it. "Girl, you're missing out…"

"Oh hell no." I sit down on my bed to put on a pair of socks. "Not to sound like a hoe, but almost every guy I've slept with went down on me…almost every guy. I don't have a problem with that. That's my favorite part of sex, honestly. But… I'm not returning no favors so don't think you're special. Sorry, but I don't just go around putting anything in my mouth."

"Why do you always act like I'm gonna call you a hoe? I don't think you're a hoe. You've only been with seven guys. You're a little freak but a whore you are not. Stop thinking I'm gonna call you a hoe." She grabs my deodorant and pops the cap off. "But anyway, I had a boyfriend in college like Jason." She rolls deodorant under her armpits and puts it back. "He didn't have a small dick or anything, he just… he was awful in bed. But his head made up for everything. And that's one way we're alike. Head's my favorite part."

I start to put my t-shirt on but I stop for a second because now that I thought about how much I like Steph, something's been on my mind. "I don't mean to be off topic, but…" I bite my lip and take a breath. "…What if we have a fight? Me and you, I mean. What if… what if we fall out with each other. What if we fight and you kick me out and we never talk again? Then what?"

"Well first of all, can I borrow this? All my stuff's dirty." She holds up one of my t-shirts and I nod. "And second of all, we're never gonna fight. There's a lot of things you do that annoy me and a lot of things you do I don't agree with but I get why you do it and it doesn't bother me enough to the point where I'm gonna yell at you about it. And I wouldn't kick you out because I don't have a right to. This isn't just my place anymore. You pay rent and stuff so this is your place too. Why would I kick you out? And plus, you're my best friend. Why would I just never talk to you again? You know way too much about me for me to piss you off and never talk to you again. You can ruin my reputation with all the shit I've told you."

I giggle at that. "I know that was like…really off topic, but it kinda made me nervous to think about it. You're my best friend too but I'm kinda feeling like I have too much to lose with you. I hope we don't fight with each other." I shove my head into my t-shirt and stand up. "And if there's something you don't like about me, you can tell me. I just…" I look down at the ground because I just got really vulnerable all of a sudden. "I don't usually open up to people but you made it so easy. And I'm really bad with losing people I love, so… yeah."

"There's a lot of things you do that I don't like. But the things I don't like are outweighed by the things I find great." She wraps her arms around me in the most awkward hug I've ever been included in. "…You leave your hair in the shower and that pisses me off, so this is me telling you that if you insist on washing your hair every day, CLEAN IT OUT OF THE DAMN SHOWER." I laugh at that and whisper "okay" to her. "And you lock the door at all times which is annoying, especially if I just ran out to grab the mail…but I understand that you're used to locking doors… and you don't wash your clothes that much and that drives me crazy, but you're getting better with getting that it's OKAY to use all the laundry detergent because I'll get more. A lot of the things that I don't like about you are okay because I get that you grew up differently than I did. You're kind of a loner but you grew up alone and I grew up with a brother and a sister. I get why you do the things you do."

"…You leave your bras everywhere. And you shed your hair all over the sink…but that's it." I didn't realize how tight I was hugging her until just now.

"And your self-worth…that pisses me off too. You think you're such a shitty person when you're not." She moves my hair out of her way and gives me the nastiest, wettest, sloppiest kiss on my cheek. "Love you though!"

"Ew… don't you ever." I wipe my cheek off. "…Let me get dressed before I'm late." I grab a pair of shorts. "…And please believe that I'm not gonna make a fool out of myself over Alex's. I won't, okay? I know how to separate my romantic feelings from my friendship feelings."

…I think I might've just lied to her.

Alex's Point of View.

Is it bad that I'm kind of excited to spend a little bit of time with Jo? I really am excited. She's my buddy. She's not closer to me than Mere and Cristina are just yet but I think with time, she can be my third girl best friend. I really haven't been that good of a friend to her lately but I hope that tonight will make up for it. I just don't have the time to spend with her that I had back when Izzie was gone for a little while. Because when Iz was gone, I didn't have to envelope myself in wedding planning, she wasn't banned from Peds and I could hang out with her during work. But she's still not allowed on Robbins' service and I don't have enough time during the day to seek her out so we can chat.

I flip the light switch to the living room, collapse down on the couch and kick my feet up on the coffee table. It's 9:45 and she's still not here. I wonder if she just decided to blow me off. I texted her two hours ago and told her my address and she said she'd be here at 9:30 with an exclamation point at the end of it. I hope she didn't blow me off. That would suck. I already ordered the pizza and I have a whole six-pack of beer in the fridge. I wouldn't mind drinking a six-pack and eating a large pizza all by myself, but I was really counting on her to help me pick out this goddamn song. Izzie's gonna skin my ass alive if I don't have this damn song by tomorrow.

I can't figure why she'd blow me off, though. She seemed so excited about it earlier and in her text message, it sounded like she was still gonna come. I don't know, maybe she's still mad at me for suggesting that she had feelings for me. In retrospect, that was an asshole move of me to just accuse her without having any solid proof. It's pretty clear that Jo and I are just really good friends and I honestly don't think that she'd ever throw a wrench in the equation just like that. It just made a lot of sense to me at the moment. How she got immediately upset whenever I mentioned meeting Izzie? The only reason behind that, that I could think of at the moment, was that she had some kind of feelings for me. That was pretty silly now that I think about it.

I grab the remote off the coffee table and turn the TV on. The news is on and right now, I realize how detached from reality I can get at times. I spend so much time in the hospital that I hardly ever know what's happening in real life if I don't catch a casual conversation in the OR or overhear the nurses' conversations. Apparently it's gonna be 70 degrees tomorrow. Just as I get more comfortable on the couch than I already am, the doorbell rings. I swipe my wallet off the coffee table to pay for the pizza and stand up. I unlock the door and yank it open. It's not the pizza guy. Hey, she didn't blow me off.

"Sorry I'm late…" She has her arms folded across her chest and she's standing with all her weight on her left leg. I don't mean to, but I catch myself giving her a quick onceover from head to toe. She has on a black fitted t-shirt with orange letters that spell out "PRINCETON" across the chest and black and grey plaid pajama pants. Her hair is up in a high, side-swept ponytail that still manages to come down and rest on her shoulder. I've never really saw her in clothes other than her scrubs. "I was gonna wear shorts but it started raining as soon as I left the house so I ran back in to change into pants so…yeah. That made me late."

I step aside and let her in. I shut the door behind her. "I was beginning to think that you blew me off. You've been mad at me lately, so it made sense that you would." As soon as I shut the door, the bell rings again and I suck my teeth. "Go 'head in the living room…that's the pizza." I grab my wallet off the top of the mantle that I stuck it on and open it up. I pull the door back open and take a twenty out. Me and the pizza guy exchange the pizza and the money. "Keep the change." I mumble. I shut the door again and lock it up for the night.

"I don't know what I was expecting your house to look like, but I wasn't expecting it to look like this." She's standing in front of the couch like she doesn't know if she should sit down. I put the pizza down on the coffee table and run to the kitchen to grab the beer out of the fridge. "…Where's your wife?" She calls to me from the living room.

"Working the overnight." I grab the beer and walk with it back to the living room.

"I haven't been mad at you, by the way." She sits down on the couch and unties her shoelaces. "And I wouldn't just blow you off for no reason. I'm not that big of a bitch." I like how she just made herself at home. She tucks her legs underneath her body and leans back against the couch cushions. Some girls are all weird when they're over their friend's house for the first time. They act like they don't want to seem like a burden or whatever. I like how Jo's not afraid to just make herself comfortable. "I've just been in a crappy mood lately all around. Sorry for taking it out on you."

"It's cool. I've been a pretty crappy friend towards you lately, so let's just call it even." I sit down on the other end of the couch and open up the box of pizza. I grab a slice, roll it up and take a bite. She leans forward and grabs a piece too. "And what do you mean by 'You weren't expecting my house to look like this'? What, were you expecting me to live in a pigsty?"

"That's not what I was saying." She's eating her pizza real ladylike, taking tiny little bites and chewing with her mouth closed. I don't think it's an act, though. I think she really eats like that. "I wasn't expecting it to be so big. I know that it's only you and your fiancée that live here, I wasn't expecting to walk into a house that's built for a family of like…five." She jerks her head to the side to move her hair out of her way and takes another bite.

"It's actually a funny story about this house." I shove the last little bit of pizza in my mouth and chew hard. "It actually used to be Mere's house but during my intern year, she rented it out to Iz and George because she needed roommates. So eventually George and Torres moved together and Mere and Shepherd moved together, so now it's me and Iz's. It's really not that big. It's a two-bedroom and we're working on having kids."

"…Kids?" She's busy eating the crust of her pizza. She eats like a bird if you ask me. "How many do you and your wife plan on having?"

"We never really discussed how many. I kind of want a daughter." I shrug and grab a beer from the pack. "So I guess we'll keep going until I get my daughter."

"Most people say they don't care as long as their baby is healthy."

"I'm not most people." I twist the cap off my beer and take a sip. "Besides, the people that say they don't care are damn liars. Everybody has a preference of what they want…if they tell you they don't, just assume that they're lying. I'm not afraid to admit that I want a girl."

"…Or some people really just don't give a damn, but there's that too." She finishes her first slice of pizza and wipes her hands on her pants. I swear I love how casual she is. She's cool with anything and everything. "So what if your wife has a boy…and another boy, and another boy and another boy…. are you just gonna keep trying? Until you get a girl?"

"It shouldn't be that hard. I think we're gonna have twins the first time around…at least that's what Iz thinks is gonna happen."

"There's never really a way to predict that for certain, is there? I mean, isn't it like…ten times more likely that you'll have one baby before you assume that you'll have multiples?"

"Nah." I put down my beer and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. "Iz was sick a while back, so back when she was still a little bit healthy, we decided to go all scientific with it and freeze some of her eggs. I think we're gonna go with implanting three the first time around…and that's assuming that only two will take. If all three take, that's great. But usually only one or two take."

"She was sick?"

"Yeah… she had melanoma real bad. Went through the worst chemo out there, a bunch of surgeries… had a real grim prognosis. She's alright now but I thought I was gonna lose her for a minute there." I take another sip of my beer to avoid getting all choked up. I usually get real emotional when I'm talking about how sick Iz was and I don't want to ruin me and Jo's little hangout session by talking about my cancery fiancée so I won't. "She's fine now, though…"

"I'm so sorry." She takes her legs out from underneath her body and pulls her knees into her chest. Again, since I've never really seen her outside of her scrubs, I never really realized how tiny she was. She has long legs but she's not all that tall. She's actually pretty petite. She does have a decent rack and a pretty decent ass for her size though, and that's just me being a guy. I thought she measured up pretty well with Iz but she really doesn't. She's so much smaller in stature than Iz, but she does have curves…I'll give her that. "You're a really good man for that. I know a lot of jerks that would run."

"Yeah, I know jerks that would run too." I put my beer down again and pick up my laptop. "So anyway, let's get down to business." I fling open the laptop and push the power button. "I spent the other day googling songs but they all seemed really cheesy and generic, you know? I wanna pick the right song out. I don't want to seem like I didn't put any effort into it. I want the song to actually reflect how I feel. I don't want something stupid."

"That's a lot of pressure to put on one song." She scoots over so she can look at the laptop too. "Are you looking for a ballad? Or do you want something more…pop-ish?" She's sitting close to me but still at a decent distance. But I smell her. I think it's her hair that I smell or maybe she has perfume on, but either way it goes…she smells really good. "It's cute that you're taking the time out to actually listen to the lyrics though, that's nice." She reaches across me so she can go to YouTube. Wow she smells good. "Try…" She opens up another tab and goes to Google. She types in "love songs" like I did when I googled them and clicks on the first thing that pops up. "Ooh, that's a good one. You ever hear 'Wanted' by Hunter Hayes?"

"No?" I look at her through the corner of my eye. Don't look at her. Because if I look at her, then I'll start to do what I did before and I just got through convincing myself that I don't find her attractive and if I look at her and realize that she's one of the most beautiful chicks that I've ever laid my eyes on I'll start to feel guilty and this night will be ruined. So I'm gonna stop looking at her. "What are the lyrics like?"

She goes back to YouTube and pops the song into the search bar. "It's a cute little song. It's kind of country but the lyrics are cute…"

"First of all, no country. Second of all, I don't want cute. I want meaningful and truthful…"

"Just listen." She presses play on the song and some cheesy little country tune starts playing. I watch her mouth move along to the lyrics while it's playing and if I listen close enough, she's singing. "You know I'd fall apart without you… I don't know how you do what you do. 'Cause everything that don't make sense about me makes sense when I'm with you…" She's not American Idol worthy, but her singing voice is…I don't know, pretty? Is there anything this girl does that isn't pretty? "Come on Alex, you have to think that this song is cute." She takes a break from singing just to talk to me but goes right back to it. "I wanna wrap you up, wanna kiss your lips I wanna make you feel wanted. I wanna call you mine, wanna hold your hand forever and never let you forget…Baby I wanna make you feel wanted."

"…No. It's kind of making it seem like she's not mine yet but she is. You know? He's saying that he wants to let the girl know that she's wanted…but I don't have to want Izzie because I've already got her. So no. Next." I pause the song and go back to Google.

"You're so picky." She starts scrolling for me. "Here's a song, why don't you choose Mirrors? That's meaningful, it's not country and it's modern. How much more beautiful can you get than 'I don't want to lose you now. I'm looking right at the other half of me. The vacancy that sat in my heart is a space that now you hold.' That's beautiful… she'd totally love it."

"Stop being an asshole." I playfully tap her on her shoulder and keep looking through the list we Googled. "…Put it this way, if you were getting married, what song would you want your husband to play for you?"

"…No song at all, because I'm not getting married and even if I ever do, I'm not into the whole churchy-church wedding wear a white dress and walk me down the aisle. No thanks. Let's just go down to city hall make it official and take me to Cracker Barrel afterwards for the reception."

"….Wow. Are you sure you weren't born with a penis or something?" There's no way that she's a chick. She's ME in the female form. I totally agree with her. Maybe it's a street-kid thing that we have in common. "Seriously dude… I'm kind of doubting that you're a girl right now."

"I'm a lady, I swear. I live off… Midol and tampons. I have a vagina…. I'm a chick." She grabs the laptop off me and starts scrolling. "I just wouldn't waste my money on something that I don't really want. Plus, I don't even have a dad to walk me down the aisle…" Her eyebrows are wrinkled like she's thinking. "But if I were a bride….. I would hope that my groom would play something like Truly Madly Deeply by Savage Garden." She's not even looking at me anymore. All of her attention is on the computer. "But I'm into old school 80s and 90s love songs, so I'm not much help when it comes to the modern stuff."

"Truly Madly Deeply is good… I actually think I have that song on my—"

"You ever hear I'll Be? By… Edwin McCain? That's sweet, that's meaningful, it'll bring everybody to tears." She cuts me off like she's not interested in anything I have to say. "You have to pick one, Alex. So far I've got Kiss Me, All of Me, Collide, Lego House, I Swear, A Thousand Years, Chasing Cars…. Come on, pick one. This shouldn't be as hard as you're making it seem like. Everybody has a love song that relates to how they feel. Whether they're the child of darkness or the happiest person in the world, there's a song out there for them. Hell, even I have a song that puts me in my feelings. Stop acting like your heart is a big black hole and choose one."

"….Whoa… Jo Wilson…THE child of darkness has feelings?" I take the laptop off her and chuckle. She rolls her eyes at me. "What's your favorite long song then?"

"I didn't say I had a favorite, I said I have one that puts me in my feelings." When I take the laptop off her, she pulls her legs into her chest again and rests her chin on her kneecaps. "That's always the case though. There's literally a love song for everyone. Good mood, bad mood…it doesn't matter."

"Okay, so… you're going on a psychotic killing spree… what love song is playing in the background for you?"

She laughs. "…I dunno." For the first time in a little while, she looks at me. "How about You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette? That's a pretty angry one."

"You are twisted, girl. You are twisted." Okay, here's the Jo I love. Bubbly, giggly and really playful? Here she is. "Do you have anything inside of that head that isn't scary? Like the song that puts you in your feelings?"

"…Skinny Love. Not the one by Bon Iver, but the one by Birdy." She puts her legs down again and looks away from me. "Not because I'm anorexic or bulimic or anything like that… it just kind of makes me think about this guy." She licks her lips. I can tell by the look on her face that she really just opened up to me on a personal level. "…There's this part in the song where… it says…" She's looking straight ahead, not at me. " 'Now all your love is wasted and who the hell was I? I'm breaking at the britches at the end of all your lines…' " She clears her throat. "Like…at the end of every word he says, I kinda just…" I hear her sigh. "But everyone has a song like that, yeah?"

"…Is the guy Peckwell?"

"OH GOD, NO." Her voice just went from soft to a yell. "He's the one I'd kill while I'm on that psychotic killing spree..."

"Well is this guy at least good? Peckwell's a douche. Is this guy at least nice?"

"Mhm." She nods. "He's a good guy… He's really sweet and funny…and…he's…" She's still looking straight and not at me. I don't get why she doesn't just ditch Peckwell and get with the guy she's talking about. Jo's not ugly by any means. She can have any guy she wants. She's awesome… somebody would give her a chance. "I don't ever want to get married or start a family…but if I were to ever settle down with a guy, he'd be the one. He doesn't even know I exist, though. That's the crappy thing." She turns her head and now we're eye to eye again. "And he's not into me. He's into this… other girl. She's gorgeous, I don't blame him. But… you know."

"…Is the guy Ross? I can talk to him for you if you want me to." I nudge her because she's getting really upset and I don't want her to be. Jo's like…my adorable little buddy and I don't want her to cry or be upset. We're here to have fun. "And you can't just assume he doesn't know you exist. That's the thing with chicks… they think the guy's not into them but they have no idea. A good chunk of the time, us guys are just as into the girl as the girl is into us…but we want the girl to make the first move."

"It's not Shane. You don't know him… he works in another part of the hospital. And trust me… he's not into me. He's seeing someone and she's gorgeous. And they're perfect for each other and I just don't fit into the equation. I don't get people like him. I get people like…Jason."

"If you let me know the guy's name, I could try to talk to him. Unless it's Avery. He's so far up Ape's ass it's not funny. There's no talking him out of her and I'm not exactly in the business of wrecking a home."

"I don't find Dr. Avery attractive. But um… you don't need to know the guy's name. I'll tell you someday when it doesn't even matter anymore. I don't want you to go run your mouth about it. Then I'll have people thinking I'm the loser intern with a crush on the hot-shot…nurse. I'll tell you someday." She pulls her hair out of her ponytail and clears her throat for the second time tonight. Her hair topples down in wavy, loose curls around her chest. Iz used to have hair like that. "…You wanna play a game?" She shakes her hands through her hair to get it to fall right.

"…I don't have any games. I have a Wii but that's about it…" Funny how she just switched subjects like that.

"You don't need anything to play. Just yourself." She crosses her legs and turns to face me. "It's called Never Have I Ever." She holds her hands out. "Okay, so you just put your hands up…and you start saying things that you've NEVER done. And if I've done it, I gotta put one of my fingers down and vice versa. The person who loses all their fingers first loses. Wanna play?"

"…Yeah, sounds simple enough. You first." I hold my hands up.

"Okay…" She's smiling. For the first time tonight, she's GENUINELY smiling. "Never have I ever… Never have I ever gotten high."

"…Bull!" I put one of my fingers down because I HAVE gotten high before in my teenage years. "You're telling me you've never smoked or anything? You've never even been contact high?!"

"Nope." She shakes her head. "I was such a goody two-shoes in high school. And I was in the IVY LEAGUE. You get caught with weed on campus and you're ass out. I've never been high. Ever."

"You're full of shit." I shake my head at her. "…Never have I ever… had sex outside." I'm smiling too. We're really having a good time with each other. I'm really glad she's my friend. She makes me feel like I'm back in high school with all the laughing and joking around we do. I don't get to joke like this too much with Iz anymore. She puts one of her fingers down and my jaw drops. "You WHAT?!"

"…Well wait, does….. does in a car count as outside?" She laughs. "Because I've had sex in a car. That's not technically outside, but it's… not in a house."

"No a car doesn't count as outside."

"Well okay then." She keeps her finger down though.

"I said it DOESN'T count."

"…Yeah but I've had sex outdoors. It was at a bonfire…my boyfriend in college took me to a bonfire and we couldn't go do it in the car so we kinda just…yeah. We found a quiet place and it kind of happened." Her smile is so contagious. "…SO!" She claps her hands together. "Never have I ever…had a pregnancy scare. And that counts towards thinking you've gotten a girl pregnant."

I put my finger down. "I've had a few of those… all false alarms." I wink at her. "Never have I ever had sex with someone that was more than…8 years older than me."

"…Dammit." She mumbles and puts her finger down. "Stop tryna get me!"

"WAIT, YOU HAD SEX WITH A CREEPY OLD GUY?!"

"….He wasn't creepy or old, okay!" She's blushing so hard that it's adorable. "He was my…he was my microbio professor, okay? And he was hot!"

"No way."

"Yes… I told you, I really like sex okay? And I mean…. I dunno, I'm a freak. And he was hot and he was flirting with me and he wanted it…" She closes her eyes. "Are you judging me?"

"…Shit. I'm not judging you, I just realized that I lied." Yeah, I lied about that. My sexual experience with someone older happened so long ago that I forgot all about it but it happened and I can't lie about it. "I lost my virginity to my school nurse." I shrug.

"…WOW." She leans over and looks me dead in my face. "DO TELL."

"There's nothin' to tell." I reach forward and grab another beer. I offer it to her and she takes it so I just grab another. "I was…fifteen? Yep. And what can I say? I was a sexy fifteen year old. And I went to her office with a nosebleed. She was hittin' on me but she gave me tissues and sent me away. I spent the rest of the day thinkin' about her, so I went back to class and said I had a headache. I got sent back down and…bam." I take a chug of beer. "She was HOT too. Brunette, big boobs, nice ass… she was HOT. Even then, I had her screaming."

"Oh yeah right! You were fifteen, you probably didn't even know where to put it!" She takes a sip of her beer. "You were probably like that guy on Stepbrothers when he lost his virginity to the crazy chick in the bathroom. You were probably like…" She makes her voice all deep and mocks me. "Ew it's sticky and wet…wait, what's this white stuff!"

"Definitely not." I take another long, drowned out chug of beer. "Let's just say I'm blessed. I knew at a young age what to do and how to do it."

"Yep… we'll go with that." She rolls her eyes, smiles and shakes her head. "I just can't imagine you at FIFTEEN fucking the nurse and her not wondering if you knew what the hell you were doing. That's a bold step to lose your virginity to someone older… willingly, I mean because I guess that's not too unheard of."

"Oh whatever. Ask ANYONE…I'm blessed. And even if I wasn't, it's not the size that counts, it's what you do with it."

"Oh hell no, I beg to differ." She takes a quick sip of beer and puts it down. "If the size isn't right, it's not gonna get anything done. Trust me. This is coming from a girl. Any girl that says SIZE doesn't matter? She's just trying to make you feel better and she has a dildo, I'm just saying."

"…This is good. You can actually be useful to me." I have girl best friends like Mere and Cristina but I've never had a girl best friend like Jo. I've never been so open with a girl. She could come in handy for my own sex life. "As a girl….what's a girl's favorite position? MOST girl's favorite, anyway. For future reference."

"…Most of us like the regular…guy on top thing. I know a lot of girls whose favorite is missionary but I don't speak for all girls."

"Well what do you like? You're very useful to me, by the way. I'm finding out so much about girls from you."

"Me? I like head. Not giving, getting. I'll give but only if I'm getting…and I'll get but not give." She ties her hair back up in a ponytail. "But like I said, that's MOST girls not all… and I speak for myself. I know some girls that don't like head. My college roommate hated it but I thought the girl was nuts."

"Yeah….. I don't do that too often. I only do it to girls I really trust. I've done that to a handful of girls…maybe less than that." I feel like oral is something that's sacred, okay? I'm not gonna go down on a girl if I'm not in love with that girl. Now she can go down on me if she wants, that's on her. But I'm not going down on her. Nope. "I gotta know you're clean…"

"I totally agree. I've gone down on ONE guy in my lifetime and I'm 28. Now… I don't care if a guy goes down on me, whatever. I'm not gonna turn it down. I'm not gonna say 'NO YOU CAN'T EAT ME OUT'….what kind of person would I be? If a guy wants to give me head…That's his problem…but just don't expect me to return the favor." WHY are we so alike? She is ME. "But as a guy, what do most guys like?"

"I dunno…every guy is different." I pick up my beer and drink the rest of it. "Like me? I like it from behind but if you're talking to someone like Avery, he'll say he likes it when the girl's on top. We're all different."

"…Nope, see guys like to pull my hair and I'm not with that. And I like being on top too. I like being in control… and I've been told that I'm good at it, so." Her face is so red that her neck looks like it's five thousand shades lighter than her face. "…Okay, this is awkward…"

It is kind of getting out of hand. I'm against cheating but seriously, if I keep talking about something like this with someone that looks like Jo, I might be tempted into it. I don't get my own logic. I don't get how I can think of her as just one of the guys. We're sitting here drinking beer, talking about our sex lives and having a good time. She's one of the guys. I don't get how I can think of her as one of the guys, yet the things I would do to her are so dirty that it should be illegal. I'd never kiss her and mean it. I'd never cuddle with her in the morning. I wouldn't even think to ask her to be my girlfriend. But the THINGS I would DO to her and that BODY….god help me. And the fact that she said she's a squirter? Yeah, that's in the back of my mind as well.

She picks up her phone and holds it in front of her face. "…Holy shit, it's late. I should go…" She gets up off the couch. The thing is…she doesn't even sound like she's rushing. She sounds totally calm. "I have to go Alex, okay?" I grab my phone and check the time. It's not even that late… it's 12:45. She doesn't work tomorrow, so what's the rush? Why did she just get weird all of a sudden? "I'll see you later." She stomps her shoes on her feet.

"Wait Jo… what are you talking about? It's not even late, it's not even one in the morning yet." I get up too. "You don't have to leave. Are you tired or something? You can lay on the couch. I don't want you to leave yet. I thought we were having fun."

"We were, but… I just remembered that I have to…. my hair." She's making up shit now. "I have to get my haircut tomorrow morning and…. I just have to go."

"…It's Jason, isn't it? He wants you home by a certain time and you're late…."

"IT'S NOT. GOD. It's none of your business…. I just want to go home."

"Alright, fine. But you didn't drive. Didn't Stephanie bring you? At least let me drive you home if you're so dead set on leaving right now."

"Leave me alone. Leave me alone, Alex. Okay? Sometimes you just need to leave me alone. Because I get all confused and sometimes I need to be left alone. I want you to leave me alone right now. Because I don't want to ruin this. Let me go home… I….I AM having fun…which is why I need to go."

"That makes no sense."

"It makes perfect sense to me. It doesn't have to make sense to you, it makes sense to me."

"But Jo…"

"LEAVE. ME. ALONE."

"…What if we don't talk about anything? What if we don't talk about sex? Will you stay? What if we go back to looking at songs?"

"…You're not gonna leave me alone, are you?"

"Probably not. Because the last time you acted like this and you got all weird and mad at me, I didn't hear from you for a couple days. And like it or not, you're one of my best friends…so stay."

"Fine." She sits back down. I'm kind of glad that we stopped talking about that. It was getting to be a little steamy and I kept picturing her naked, not gonna lie. I'm not even sex-deprived anymore, I'm just a man. And a girl like Jo is one you'd find in your dreams. One that likes sex just as much as I do? One that's just as freaky as I am? Maybe that's why we clash so much because we ARE so much alike. I don't know… She clears her throat and crosses her legs. "…Hand me your laptop."