Chapter 13 – cicatrices

Litavis went through the Citadel with Garrus' family. Casis especially wanted to see the Embassies and C-Security. Thanks to her Spectrestatus she could take the two everywhere. Solana was more interested in all the hustle and bustle. She wanted to go to the Armax Arsenal Arena all the time. Her father had little regard for this. They had been walking around for three hours now. Garrus sister supported them meanwhile. Finally the eldest had an understanding and they sat down in a bistro. Sol had insisted. Casis now listened them out about the coup attempt. He wanted to know everything exactly, especially the attack on C-Sec interested him. Of course she could only tell him about the result. As detailed as she could, she described what had happened. The Turian seemed to be impressed by her approach.

"Would you have shot your comrade?"

"Unnatural, but if it had been necessary, I would have."

"Amazing."

"I am a soldier, Officer Vakarian. The fulfillment of the mission has top priority. If he had left me no other choice, I would have eliminated him, just like Udina. I'm very glad I didn't have to."

"I see. My son said that you pursue your goals relentlessly."

"Not always to your liking. I am a spectre and I have much more possibilities. Nevertheless I try to keep to the laws. Whatever I think of you."

"So Garrus told you about my opinion about Spectre?"

"Directly when we were chasing Saren, yes."

"You don't have a problem with that?"

"Why should I? I never intended to become everybody's darling. Like I said, I'm a soldier."

She drank her coffee and saw Kaidan from afar. The Canadian came straight at her.

"Excuse me, Admiral. A word."

"Of course, Major. Excuse me, please."

She got up and went off with the dark-haired man. She could feel Casi's gaze in her back. The older Turian watched her closely.

"What is it, Kaidan?"

"The nations seem to be slowly uniting. They now want to make your honours on the Citadel."

"A problem would now be solved."

"Yes, the problem would be solved. But the Alliance wants to slowly reinstate you."

"Kaidan, I..."

"I know you don't want this. I understand you. I try as much as I can to dissuade her."

"Thank you."

"You're not surprised at all?"

"That you have seen through the game? No. It was actually clear to me that you would not fall for it for long."

"Then why did you do it?"

"To give you the choice. I know how attached you are to the Alliance. I would have pushed you into a conflict of conscience. I wanted to avoid that."

"That's what I thought. Thank you for that."

"I'm glad you understand."

"I understand you. I also understand why you don't want to go back. You have done enough. More than enough. They should just leave you alone."

"They won't do that. They can't do that either. But first I need a break. I must become clear over some again. I can't really live with all these gaps in my memory. I want to know everything again before I go on the next mission."

"You still have gaps?"

"Yes. I have no idea how I defeated the Reapers. I don't know how Anderson died and I'm still puzzled about many things in my private life."

"I'm sorry to hear that. What is missing you then?"

"A lot of our conversations, for example."

"Only ours?"

"No, also with others."

"So you mainly have gaps in your private life by now?"

"Yes. It's not exactly easy."

"I believe that. Can I help you somehow?"

"I wouldn't know how. The flashbacks come as they want. Some I can trigger, but the others..."

"Hmmm... that's bad."

"It is."

"If you want to talk about it, I'm here."

"Thank you, Kaidan. I should go back then. Garrus' family is waiting for me."

"All right. I'll see you."

He hugged her briefly and Litavis made her way back. She didn't get the chance to sit down again. Casis pushed for departure. Garrus should come home right away. He had now also taken a few days off. Arriving at the apartment, Shepard went upstairs. Afterwards Kashari came by to massage her. She wanted to change for it. As soon as the redhead was finished, she heard voices from below.

"Your girlfriend hugged another man."

"There is nothing there. She can hug whom she wants."

"You have nothing against it?"

"As long as she only hugs, no why should I."

The new admiral came down the stairs. Smiling she looked at her best friend. He came up to her and pressed his forehead against hers. She returned the gesture gently and looked up at him afterwards.

"Shall I take you straight to training?"

"No, Kashari comes here. Then she takes the Mech directly with her again."

"Okay. When?"

"In about two hours."

Together they went into the kitchen and started cooking. They were already a well-rehearsed team. Garrus' father watched them again the whole time. Sol, on the other hand, tried to help them both somehow. After some time they were ready and ate together.

"Do you do that more often?"

"Cooking together? Yes. If he comes home soon enough. Then we cook together. Otherwise I cook, or when I come home later, he cooks for me."

"You really pay attention to each other."

"Of course, Sol. With a girlfriend like that, I'll have to make an effort."

Shepard swallowed hard. She had to keep telling herself that this was just a play. The fact that Garrus now gently grabbed her hand didn't make things any better. Tenderly she returned this gesture. As soon as everyone was full Garrus cleared the table. There it already rang at the door and the young Asari came in.

"Hello, everyone. Are you ready for the massage and lymphatic drainage, Commander? Um... Admiral. I don't think I'll get used to it so quickly. I'm very sorry, but for me you will always be Commander Shepard," Kashari smiled rather embarrassed.

"That's all right. I'm still introducing myself as a commander."

Smiling, she let her best friend carry her up the stairs. She simply ignored the questioning gaze of the Asari. The Turian took the matter, with the more physical contact, now very seriously. As soon as she was alone with Kashari she explained everything to her. The Asari found this idea very sweet. The massage was as always very painful. Her scars were terribly sensitive. Each touch was a single torture. Sweat covered her whole body and Shepard could only with difficulty suppress a whimper. Her breath accelerated and her eyes became glassy. She knew that the Asari would like to apologize to her all the time. The heartbeat of the redheads accelerated. After an hour and a half it was fortunately over. With trembling hands she dressed again. Exhausted, Shepard just sat on the bed. Suddenly Garrus sat next to her and pulled her tight.

"I've never seen you right after that."

"That's why I always stay in the room half an hour longer. I look like shit."

"Bullshit. You have pain. There that is nevertheless completely natural."

Carefully he pulled her wide legged on his lap. He pulled her tightly to himself and warmed her up like this. The sniper knew that warmth was good for her now. Sighing, she leaned against her best friend and closed her eyes. She felt that both of them were being watched. But she just didn't care. Litavis felt the hard mouth plates on her lips. Her hands lay on his neck and gently stroked him there. His tongue penetrated into her mouth again and she welcomed her only too gladly. Slowly they separated again.

"I should take a shower, I stink."

"I think you smell good. Reminds me of all the fights we survived."

"And I thought you were gonna compliment me."

Laughing, she got up and went to the bathroom. The shower was really good. Her tense muscles continued to relax. Finally Litavis only left the bathroom with a towel. Surprised, she looked at her best friend, who was still in the bedroom.

"Is there anything else?"

"My father wants to meet some former colleagues and I'm supposed to come with him."

"And you don't want to?

"I think he has ulterior motives."

"You mean he wants to set you up with a daughter?"

"I think he wants to ask me about us."

"And Turians don't have it with lying. Then get his colleagues to talk. So he doesn't even get to it."

"Good idea."

"If anything happens, write me a message. I'll come save you then."

"Sounds good."

He watched as she slipped under the towel and her underwear. Slowly he stood up and stopped in front of her. Carefully he reached for the piece of cloth, but Shepard held it tight.

"Garrus..."

"Come on, Litavis. I've often seen you without armour."

"That was before a Tresher Maw chewed on me and spat me out again."

"I got a rocket..."

"And I have a Reaper beam."

"Ok, you won. But what are you afraid of?"

"I..."

Slowly she dropped the towel and looked in another direction. It was unpleasant for her. Her body looked terrible. Slowly he stretched out his hands and waited for her Okay before he touched her. Shepard was always surprised at how tender he could be. Although she felt uncomfortable, his warmth made her purr. Eventually he pulled her right back to himself.

"You are still the same beautiful woman as before."

Was his father nearby? Why else would he say that? She had heard nothing, but there was probably no other explanation for it. He kissed her again, before he simply left the room. Confused, she looked after him and dressed. When she came down Garrus' sister was sitting alone on the sofa.

"Solana, they didn't take you with them?"

"No, Dad wanted to talk to his son alone."

"The two are impossible. Let's both go out too."

"Where are we going?

"To the AAA. We'll watch the fights live."

"Oh yes."

So they both went out and entered the arena.

"Shepard, where are we going?"

"In the participant's area. You wanted to be down there with me so bad."

"You are caelestis Satana?"

"I am. I used the arena for training."

"On the one hand, I'm terribly embarrassed that I raved so much about you in front of you. On the other hand, I like my brother's girlfriend better and better."

Laughing, Litavis set the parameters for the fight and the two went to change. Solana really blossomed in the fight simulation. Unlike her brother, she loved her shotgun. Shepard made the young Turian easy at first and only supported her. The fight hadn't been bad, but well below her average. Directly she started the next fight and this time she took the lead. Sol obeyed every command and her result was much better.

"Now I know why Garrus always listens to you."

"Not always. But on missions, definitely."

"May I ask you something, Shepard?"

"Of course."

"You and my brother..."

"Yes?"

"Don't you have sex?"

"Please what?"

"Excuse me. Is that a personal topic for humans?"

"Yes, pretty much. But how do you come up with that?"

"Well, we live until the wedding with our parents or the parents of our partners, and sex is just part of a partnership."

"You're right about that. Only... through all my wounds it has been hard lately. Even now... I am completely covered with scars. With too much pressure they hurt hellishly. I can hardly breathe then".

"Sorry, Shepard. I shouldn't have asked."

"It's okay. If your father asks you the same question, you can explain it to him."

"You saw through me."

"I have practice in it."

"Should we pick up Garrus? I know where my father wanted to go with him."

"We don't have to. They should also spend some time together."

"But we should."

"What's the matter, Sol?"

"I don't know. But it's strange that I shouldn't come with them."

"Well then, let's go."

The way was not so far. Shepard knew the bar. There were really pretty dancers here. Already when she entered the club she discovered the table where her best friend was sitting. He did everything not to stare at the Asari dancer in front of him.

"What is my father thinking? I am so sorry, Shepard."

"Don't be. He can look at others with pleasure. That doesn't bother me."

"Really not?"

"LOLA!"

Shepard turned around and started laughing.

"James! What are you doing here?"

"My unit is going to Palavan the day after tomorrow for training. And so today we take our chance to relax again."

"Sounds good. Oh James, that's Solana Vakarian."

"Nice to meet you. Don't you two want to celebrate with us, Commander?"

"Shepard is admiral now."

"Shit, Lola. Your drinks are on me."

"If that's the case, we're happy to accept the invitation, James, of course."

So the two women joined the N7 recruits. Of course she was recognized immediately. But James dealt with her as usual. They drank a lot. If Garrus father had noticed her, she couldn't say, she didn't care. They spent some hours with James Unit and often enough they were toasted loudly. Solana took each round with her and was finally quite drunk.

"Come on, Sol. I'll take you home."

The Turian nodded weakly and hooked up with Shepard.

"Hey, can I watch the game with you tomorrow, Lola?"

"If you bring beer, James."

Laughing, she made her way home. Just as they were passing the table of Sol's father, Garrus jumped up and helped her with his sister. Casis followed them silently. They put the young Turian to bed.

"Everything okay, Litavis?"

"Oh, as if the puppies could keep up with me."

"Everything else would have surprised me too."

"James came by tomorrow. He wants to watch the game before he goes to Palavan."

"You're inviting other men into your home, Admiral Shepard?"

"Why not? James has fought the Reapers together with us and is now in training for the N7."

"Well..."

"Whether I invite a comrade or you drag your son to a strip club, what's the difference?"

Smiling, she went up the stairs and wanted to be ready for bed. Shortly after her, Garrus entered the room. He seemed kind of dejected.

"Hey, big guy. What's going on?"

"I... I didn't want to go to the club..."

"Don't worry about it, Garrus. You can go wherever you want. I only wanted to slow your father down a little."

Only now did she realise that she was still standing there without a top. The door opened and Litavis quickly fled into Garrus' arms. The Turian took off his shirt and really pressed on her. Only then did he flash angrily at his father and begin to growl. Immediately the elder closed the door again. They should probably lock soon. The heat of the other body was pleasant.

"Your skin is still very soft."

"Garrus..."

As she was, he carried her to bed and pulled her into his arms. She snuggled up to him and closed her eyes. How he held her. Litavis just felt safe.