Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
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"Watch your fingers." The police deputy warns her before he quickly slams the backdoor of the police car shut in Tara's disbelieving face. Her eyes are wide, mouth still open in shock yet no words come to her, she's speechless, all the while Jax doesn't seem to be all that surprised, taking it all in with raised eyebrows from right beside her.
This is not what she had intended to happen when she'd practically begged the cop to allow the pair of them to wait 'inside'. She'd meant, and hoped they would allow Jax and her to get back into Lowell's truck to avoid the howling wildlife that's clearly still somewhere nearby, but instead her panicked request has backfired at her, at them, completely, to say the least.
"I'm so sorry, Jax." She whispers beneath her breath, but with only the engine idling and the sirens turned off again, Jax can hear her just fine within the confines of the cop car's backseat.
Tara's shaking her head to herself, still at a loss for words about what has just happened. She wants to explain to him that she didn't think they'd practically get thrown into the backseat like this, wants to plead with him not to be mad at her naive stupidity when the damn howling coyotes startled her yet again. The sentences are already forming in her head, but when she ruefully turns her gaze to her right to look up to meet Jax's eyes at last, she's more than surprised by what she finds and it stops her from speaking out.
Jax is smiling, ... no, actually he's not just smiling, he's downright smirking back at her. There's unabashed amusement etched into every feature of his face, but before she can try to make sense of it, or try to think of what to say to him now, he's already beating her to the punch when he practically chuckles. "And here I thought I was getting you in trouble."
"Oh God, ... I'm so sorry." Tara pleads, her tone of voice apologetic, despite him clearly taking the situation much more in stride at the moment than she is. "But everyone's got something they're really scared of, and for me that's spiders, heights and apparently also freaky howling creatures, ... so I just panicked when they told us to get out of the truck again. I really didn't mean for us to get arrested."
"We haven't been arrested. No cuffs." He says and raises his uncuffed hands in front of him for show. "At least not yet anyways." He then adds as an afterthought that causes Tara to groan out in dismay, raising both her uncuffed hands to hide her face away, in both embarrassment and alarm, which causes him to chuckle yet again.
Jax lets out an actual laugh when she fights him as he tries to pry her hands from her face. It doesn't take long and a moment later she relents, dropping her hands like he wanted her to, but when he sees the pitiful look she gives him he tries to reassure her with a more comforting tone of voice. "Don't worry. It'll be okay."
"For you maybe." Tara interjects, holding his gaze once more. "But if they call my dad I'll be grounded for the rest of the summer, ... hell, maybe even the rest of the year." She adds scoffing, sounding more terrified than amused at the thought of her father's possible wrath.
"Right." Jax nods thinking over what she's just said. It would certainly throw a wrench in his plans to spend the summer with her if she'd end up getting grounded over this. Her old man is going to kill me!
He shifts in his seat, craning his neck to look over his shoulder and out the back window, taking in the four deputies from Charming PD, just standing there by the other car, just talking and taking their sweet ass time, but their carefree demeanor seems to reassure him again that they're really not in that much trouble. Neither of them has been drinking, there's no alcohol in the truck, they smoked the only weed he'd brought with him so there's no evidence of that either, and he's almost 99.9% sure that Oswald isn't going to press trespassing charges.
"Look, babe, ..." Jax starts while connecting with her eyes again, then pauses as he's gently brushing a strand of her hair behind her ear, letting his fingers drift down her neck to linger there while he palms her jaw to keep her face turned towards him.
Tara shivers at the unexpected tender touch, but tries her best to not let the feelings that bombard her get to her head. Instead she's waiting with bated breath for him to finish what he's about to say to ease her worried mind, and he doesn't disappoint when he recites what she'd heard him say to the cops earlier. "Like I already explained to the cops, my family knows the guy who owns this land, and I've been out here enough times to know he ain't gonna press charges for trespassing. Other than that, they got nothing on us. No harm, no foul, and no reason for them to even call your old man."
"I hope you're right." Tara can't help but wonder out loud.
"I usually am." Jax replies jokingly, cupping her cheek with his hand now to still keep her focus on him, smiling brightly at her again when he can hear Tara letting out a little sigh as a result of his reassurances.
"Okay." She nods and says with newfound calmness in her voice, because she truly wants to believe that Jax is right. It's like he said, they haven't been told they've been arrested, they haven't been read their rights, and they haven't been put in handcuffs either. She's seen enough movies and TV shows to know that all those observations make a valid point, trespassing would be the only charge and if the guy is cool with Jax being out here then hopefully it will all work out in their favor.
Jax's hand drops from her face when she twists around and looks over her shoulder too for just a second. She's taking in the deputies that don't seem to pay them any mind at all, instead they're laughing about something and the sight does in fact reinforce Jax's theory that this will all work out in the end.
A moment of silence stretches on between them, the rotating lights from both cars casting everything in alternating red and blue hues, adding an oddly surreal feeling to the situation they've found themselves in. Sit and wait is quite literally all they can do at this point, but in this instance the quiet seems to make the waiting almost unbearable, because it allows too much room to worry.
Trying to take her mind off of it all Tara speaks up about another worry, bringing voice to the question that has suddenly come to her the more she thinks about what Jax has said. "So, you said you've been here a few times before?"
"Yeah, I have." Jax interrupts, assuming she's still worried about the possible trespassing charge. "Trust me, they're gonna let us go."
"So ..." She starts again, but then pauses and searches his face before she finishes her actual question out loud. "Exactly how many girls have you brought out here before?"
Jax looks perplexed at her question, hadn't seen that change in subject coming at all, but he raises his eyebrows and even smiles a little too as he repeats it. "How many girls have I brought out here with me?"
"Yes." Tara says with a firm voice, but she then tries her best to not let the disappointment show on her face when Jax looks down at his outstretched hands, whispering numbers to himself while he seems to make a show of silently counting on his fingers. Shit!
But then he suddenly stops and looks right back at her, meeting her eyes when he asks. "Including you?"
Tara swallows the lump that has formed in her throat, because she didn't want this to be true, didn't want to be one of many, just another number, another notch in his belt, but she still quickly nods to get her answer. "Yes, including me."
"Well, including you it'd be just one." He says with a smirk on his face, letting all his fingers curl into a fist, except his right index finger that he's holding pointedly up for show to symbolize a one.
"Really?" Tara blurts back almost instantly, but she can't help the shy smile that seems to form on her lips against her will, even before he nods his head at her.
"Yeah, really. You're the only girl I've ever brought out here, Knowles." He reaffirms his answer, not liking the lingering doubt he'd heard in her voice despite her smile, and so his own smile falters when he shakes his head a little at her and asks. "You really think I'm some kind of player, don't you?"
Even with the red and blue flashing lights obscuring his face she can still see the hurt caused by her lingering doubt in him, and it twists something painfully inside her chest. "No, no." She quickly shakes her head at him, clasping his left hand with her right, and it's the first time that she's initiating that kind of contact, other than when she got startled earlier by the howling.
"I just ..." She starts, but then bites her lip uncertainly, not sure how to say this without further upsetting him.
"You just ... what?" Jax asks back instantly, he's no longer smiling but still curious to hear what she was about to say.
Tara sighs and looks down at her hand wrapped around his, before she dares to meet his eyes again just a second later. "I just ... I don't want to be one of many."
Jax doesn't even have to think before he quickly replies. "You're not, Tara. I swear."
Her heart speeds up at the thought of him telling the truth. God, I hope it's true!
He turns his whole body more towards her and Tara can't help but do the same. And once more he raises his hand up to brush her hair back, yet resting it there in the nape of her neck to keep her focus on him, and holding her gaze for a long quiet filled moment again too, until they both can't help but smile just a little at each other. It starts out sweet and shy, but quickly turns incredibly intense a moment later.
"You know, this is also the first time I'm in the back of a cop car with a girl." He adds, grinning almost devilish now.
"Really?" She asks again, but unlike before her voice is full of teasing and amusement now, instead of doubt.
"Yeah, really. Ope's usually my partner in crime." He elaborates further while his grin slowly begins to morph into a smile the longer he continues to hold her penetrating gaze, his face inching closer to hers as he speaks. "But you being here with me is a hell of a lot better."
Tara completely ignores the sudden knowledge that he seems to have had a brush with the law before, because there's simply too much else happening right now for her to focus on that. She's drawn to him, feels her heart accelerating, goosebumps forming all over too, and yet she can't pry her eyes away from his. She doesn't want to want him, doesn't want to need him like this, but the truth is that she does, and she finally allows herself to act on it and leans in too, until their lips meet at last.
They both close their eyes, the side of their noses brushing against each other when their soft full lips press together in a sweet and gentle kiss. They linger like this, suspended in place and time, either one too cautious to push or pull in any way, not wanting to be the one to cause this moment to end again.
But then a car door slams shut behind them, and it does break the kiss, but certainly not the spell they seem to be under now. They both pull away as if they've been caught, his hand slipping away from her neck, both turning their heads at the interrupting sound, only to realize that the cops are still talking amongst themselves and have not caught on to what is happening in here with the two of them.
They look back at each other again, mischievous blue eyes meeting green ones, shyly smiling at first as if they both can't believe this just happened, until reality settles in and both their smiles grow wide at the realization that it has in fact happened, ... hell, Tara might've even let out a giggle.
For once Tara's smile is big and genuine and so completely unguarded that it makes Jax's heart skip a goddamn beat.
He drinks in the image of her, can't help himself from wanting to file this moment away to his memory and not wanting to miss a single detail about her. Her long brown hair falling in loose waves around her shoulders. Contradictory to the blue and red lights coloring everything around them, her green eyes sparkle of trust and freedom right now. Long dark eyelashes that fan over the top of her cheeks when she blinks, cheeks which are turning a darker hue of pink now the longer he seems to look at her. Her tempting cleavage that he's barely dared to glance at, not wanting to be a creep, yet it's hard to miss now that it's rising and falling rapidly with her labored breaths that are matching his to a T.
She's a stunner, a fucking knockout, and he'd be lying if he said he isn't aroused, but it's not just her looks, it's so much more than that, more than just attraction, this thing, these emotions he has for her run so much deeper.
He's heard people - adults mostly - talk about life changing moments, moments they'll always remember, the ones that bring smiles to their faces when they recall them, and this is definitely one of those, because his heart is soaring with feelings he never experienced before, with anyone. How the fuck did I not know this sort of happiness existed?
Even though Tara feels like she's slightly in shock, she still can't do anything about the dumb goofy smile on her face. It's involuntary, true and so fucking bright, shy and yet somehow unabashed at the same time, and it doesn't go unnoticed that it matches his.
The moment their lips touched all of those feelings she's been trying so hard to ignore and suppress jumped to life and swirled, twisted, coursed around her body, igniting every last inch of her and causing a burn of desire like she's never felt before. She's falling for him, has been falling for him for a while, and for a moment in time she decides to forget about all the reasons why this is a bad idea and allows herself to live in the moment instead.
They both lean in at the exact same moment again, lips crushing against each other a bit more desperately now. Jax's hands can no longer remain idle but shoot out, first brushing her hair back again, framing her face, then end up tangled in her hair at the nape of her neck, to gently angle her just so to eventually deepen the kiss.
Wanting and needing more this time around, Jax slowly runs the tip of his tongue along her full bottom lip, asking for entrance and when Tara parts her lips just enough to signal her permission, he doesn't hesitate to push inside. Around and around he swirls, painstakingly slowly, tantalizing, delving inside until she begins to push back and begins to move with him as a trembling moan escapes her. The needy sound zings through his body and inadvertently connects with his groin, the muscles of his stomach pulling tight while his dick twitches with need.
He swears he's never heard anything better in all his life, nor has he felt anything better either. At least so he thought, until Tara too reaches out, wraps her arms around his torso, her hands fisting into the fabric of his t-shirt once more in a desperate attempt to pull all of him closer, while pulling herself closer to him at the same moment until she's almost in his lap, her thigh across his. Jesus Christ!
This is the kind of kiss she's only ever heard of, read about in novels, or watched on TV, but had never experienced herself yet, until now. It was the kind lit by want and need, pure desire and exploration. And dear God, did she want to explore ... him!
Her hands travel up his chest, slowly and exploratory, feeling his nipples pebble even through his shirt, she pauses on his shoulders for a second, but then completely stills when they're framing his face, holding him there with the same intensity as he's holding onto her, while their mouths and tongues continue to explore each other. She melts into him, gladly letting him do what he wants to her, and enjoying every minute of it.
They kiss like this for what feels like forever and at the same time not nearly long enough. Heat suffusing their skin, burning their cheeks, scorching their skin wherever their bodies touch.
A unexpected moment of guilt hits him, knowing that here in this backseat with him, she has nowhere to go, nowhere to hide, even if she wants to, but then he squashes that thought again when another little moan escapes her, sparking yet another flash of desire in him.
He can't help the groan that escapes him in reply, focusing all his attention on the way her tongue is moving demandingly against his, and it makes it clear that he's not in the wrong here, she wants this as much as he does. It's obvious in the way she so actively participates in this kiss to end all kisses.
In hindsight it almost seems inevitable that they'd end up here like this, not here in this backseat of a cop car, but here completely wrapped up in a desperate kiss, making each other's hearts race, finally giving in to the mutual attraction to each other. He's known it just had to happen sooner or later, but he wonders if she's known it too.
And just when Jax thinks he could stay here forever, feasting on her mouth, smelling her skin, breathing her air, the car door near Tara swings open, jostling the whole car a bit with the action and causing their lips to break away from each other at last.
"You've got to be kidding me!" The cop stares back at them in disbelieve, shaking his head even though a little smirk quirks up the corners of his lips at the same time.
Jax's arms and hands instinctively reach around Tara's waist and pull her even closer to him, as if to signal his claim on her, or simply to ensure this dickhead of a cop knows he won't be able to pry her away from him, at least not without a fight. That kiss seems to have transported him to a world where common sense doesn't seem to matter anymore. A world where an unarmed teenager stands a chance against four armed cops.
Tara shyly hides her blushing cheeks in the crook of Jax's neck, her arms wrapped around him too, while her head is suddenly spinning with the way she feels having Jax pull her against him so possessive and protectively. It does all kinds of things to her, things she'd rather not experience under the scrutinizing gaze of a cop she's too embarrassed to even look at at the moment. And her heart ... God, her heart is beating so dangerously fast, she fears it might explode.
"C'mon, you two." Deputy Baker takes a step back, holding the door open as an obvious invitation for them to exit the car now, before he adds with a little chuckle to his voice. "Get the hell out of there before someone ends up pregnant."
At that Tara begins to push away, Jax's arms loosening their hold on her, so she slowly scoots off of his lap and across the seat to get out, her head hanging low but her eyes meet his when she looks back at him for just a second, cheeks flaming at both the memory of what has just transpired between them and the comment from deputy Baker.
Jax stays close behind her, climbs out right after her, sidles up beside her, wrapping his arm around her waist once more, tugging her close again, and meeting her surprised eyes when she finally looks up at him. And if a look alone could say something out loud, then the look he's giving her would tell her he's got no regrets whatsoever, and hell will freeze over before he'll allow her to have them either. We did this, Knowles. This happened, and there is no turning back now.
"Mister Oswald isn't pressing any charges, which means you two are free to go." The deputy explains interrupting their wordless conversation.
"Mister Teller." He says and hands Jax his driver's license back, then turns his attention to Tara beside him, holding out her driver's permit for her to take. "Misses Knowles." Then his eyes travel back and forth between the two teenagers, when he adds. "I hope this will be the last I'll see of you two."
"Me too." Tara replies with a shy smile, relief washing over her as she's tugging the permit into the back pocket of her jean shorts.
Then Jax pulls her along with him back towards the truck, eager to leave now, and she trots along as if on autopilot, still reveling in the relief that her father won't find out about her near-arrest, and too flustered still about her kiss with Jax to form any other coherent thoughts.
Just as Jax pulls the door open for her to climb on inside, both their attention is diverted back to the deputy behind them when he blurts out. "Oh, and by the way, happy birthday."
Jax's eyebrows scrunch together in puzzlement, before he looks down at Tara beside him, who's gracing the deputy with the smallest little smile when she simply replies. "Thanks."
"It's your birthday?" Jax can't keep the surprise out of his voice anymore than he can keep the question from slipping past his lips. When Tara sinks her teeth into her plump bottom lip and nods the answer uncertainly back up at him, he's momentarily speechless. But that only lasts for a split second, before he blurts the next question out all the while gripping her elbow to help her climb into the cab of the truck. "Why didn't you say something?"
Tara scoots over towards her seat and watches him as he gets in right after her.
Jax settles into his seat, then blindly reaches for and turns the key in the ignition with his eyes still locked on hers, waiting for her to answer him.
She clears her throat, feeling suddenly shy again when she says. "How do you tell someone that it's your birthday without it sounding like you're fishing for a present or something?"
Okay, she's got a valid point there, but still, he can't believe he didn't know. He shakes his head to himself, looking in the rearview mirror, then twists his neck to look over his shoulder to ensure the coast is clear behind them, the task at hand momentarily requiring his full attention. The still flashing lights of the cop cars help him see the path of gravel road he's slowly backing out on, all the way past the fence and still open gate with the now infamous 'No trespassing' sign.
"I get that." He says at last as he begins to do a three way turn, before he starts driving down the dirt road back towards the major highway that'll lead them into Charming. "I just ... I feel bad I didn't get you anything." He admits truthfully at last, looking over at her and giving her the sweetest of smiles.
"You paid for my food, took me to the movies." Tara points out everything he's paid for last night.
Which only prompts Jax to further clarify. "Wait ... was your birthday yesterday, or today?" He repeatedly looks over at her, waiting for her reply while still trying to pay attention to the road ahead.
"Today, now. June 21st is my birthday." Tara answers, then adds. "But you don't have to get me anything, really."
"I am gonna get you something." He says sounding earnestly, but then even chuckles a little under his breath when he adds a moment later. "I might not have a fucking clue what to get you, but you are getting something, babe. I promise. Alright?" What kind of boyfriend would he be if he didn't get his girl something? Jesus, boyfriend? Where did that come from? ... jumping the gun here, Teller.
"Yeah, okay." Tara nods in reply, not sure what else to say. He smiles at her some more and she can't help but return the smile, shaking her head to herself now at the way this date with him has progressed over the last couple of hours. She couldn't have imagined this even if she'd tried.
Silence fills the air as the wind blows through the cabin of the truck on the drive back home. Jax pulls his pack of cigarettes from his pocket, raising the last remaining one to his lips, and quickly lights it. The nicotine successfully suppressing the urge to pull her curvy little body back into his lap while he's driving 65 miles an hour.
But then, he's suddenly holding the cigarette out to her, like he's done a few times before, and adds with a smirk. "Just to be clear, that's not your birthday present."
His smirk and little joke makes the butterflies in her stomach raising hell again. She stares at the cigarette, remembering how she's turned him down each time in the past, but right now she can't help but wonder if the nicotine would help her calm her nerves as it seems to do to everyone else who's succumbed to this bad habit. And on top of that, she suddenly has the unexplainable urge to ... I don't know ... impress him, ... or at least appear that she's cool with what has happened between him and her back there in that cop car. Yeah, no biggie, Teller! It's all cool!
And so, much to Jax's obvious surprise she takes the cigarette from his outstretched hand this time, their fingers brushing against each other sending new sparks through her, before she raises the glimmering stick up to her lips under Jax's curious gaze.
She's smoked enough weed that the smoke filling her lungs doesn't cause her to cough like most newbie's might've, and she can see the anew surprise in Jax's eyes at that as well, which doesn't really make sense since they've shared a joint earlier tonight too.
The corners of his lips are curved up into yet another smirk when his gaze keeps flicking back and forth between the road and her. The cigarette wedged between her plump pink lips stirring up all kinds of dirty thoughts in the back of his mind now.
Tara sees the way he's been watching her, holding out the cigarette back to him which he quickly takes to calm his own nerves, but she can't help but blurt out, smiling a little. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"
Jax gives her a shrug of his shoulder as he takes a few quick drags, then holds the cigarette back out to her again, releasing the smoke out of the side of his mouth, away from her, a moment later. Meeting her eyes again, before they drift down to her lips pulling seductively on the cigarette and he finally mumbles a thought he has out loud. "You have a really sexy mouth, you know that?"
Tara averts her eyes at that, heat spreading through her core, cheeks blushing all over again, and she's not sure what to say to that, how to react to that. "Do I?" She asks back a moment later, shyly, but it's the best she can come up with as a reply, batting her eyelashes at him even though she truly doesn't mean to, they seem to do it on their own accord. His compliments are turning her into one of those girls, and she's not sure she likes that, but then suddenly wonders if they too - those girls - simply can't help themselves around him and she's pegged them all wrong all this time.
"Yeah, you do." He nods, waving away the offered smoke, allowing her to finish what little's left of it, and enjoying every second of watching her doing so. "Very kissable too." He adds and loving the way it makes her blush even deeper, then thinks to himself a moment later, - God, don't I know it!
Tara remains silent to that, flustered finishes the cigarette, extinguishing the last glimmer in the overfilled ashtray of the truck.
They pass the 'Welcome to Charming' sign and Jax slows down to the appropriate speed. "Where to now?" He asks, breaking the tension that has begun to fill the air between them again, it's not uncomfortable, but heavy with uncertainty somehow.
Tara looks back at him a little surprised that he'd ask, but then glances ruefully at the clock on the dash, noting the late hour and remembering that her dad wants her to wake up early to practice driving before she's taking her test in the afternoon. She doesn't want the night with him to end, but then again she knows it has to at some point. And maybe it's for the better that it does. That nagging voice rears its ugly head again for the first time in several hours, but she squashes it down again, not ready to allow her mind to go back to that place of doubt just yet.
"Home, I guess." She answers him at last, seeing the disappointment that crosses over his face, probably matching her own. "I've got to get up early to practice driving with my dad, 'cause I'm taking my driver's license test tomorrow, ... I mean, today." She adds in explanation, hoping that'll sooth some of the sting, and it does seem to when Jax meets her eyes, nodding at her in understanding now.
He pulls to a stop alongside the curb in front of her house, like she'd asked, then cuts the engine. They sit quietly for a long moment, a little warily looking at each other again, before Jax can't take it anymore, turning towards her, reaches for her, brushing her hair back behind her ear and says. "C'mere, babe."
His eyes are imploring her, pleading with her to comply, in a way he's testing the waters to see if she's yet again talked herself out of this, - out of them -, in the short drive home since they've shared those kisses.
"Why don't you come over here, babe?" Tara overly enunciates the term of endearment he's begun to use in regards to her in her reply, a tone of unexpected confidence to her voice that sounds almost like her old self yet at the moment is completely faked, but she's still proud with herself for pulling it off quite convincingly, at least judging by the look on his face. I bet those girls don't do that!
Jax smirks, shaking his head, he can't help it. Most girls usually jump at the chance to sidle up next to him when he asks them to, but leave it to Tara Knowles to turn it into some kind of a challenge.
But right now he's too far gone to even care who has the upper hand in this and starts to move closer towards her with a one track mind, and reaches for her arm to pull her closer towards him at the same time, mumbling. "How about we meet in the middle?"
But before Tara can even think of what to say or do, he's already cupping her cheeks in both his hands and is pressing his lips to hers in yet another scorching and toe-curling kiss, which she quickly begins to reciprocate, letting her own hands snake around his neck to hold him close now too.
Lips and tongues moving in perfect harmony, tasting each other in deep, even strokes. There's nothing hurried or forceful about this kiss, but it's all consuming, so damn dreamy, she could lose herself in it, never wanting it to stop. Screw sleep, who needs it?
Finally, the voice of reason returns to her and Tara pulls back, breaking the contact of their lips, and momentarily hides her blushing cheeks behind her hands in embarrassment.
When she dares to meet his eyes again, he's looking down at her with an expression that's truly melting her insides. Shit, I'm in sooo much trouble!
She clears her throat, gesturing with her hand towards her home when she manages to finally speak. "I should go. Thank you for tonight, Jax." She reaches for the door handle to open it.
"Wait. Let me get that." Jax interjects, then gets out of the truck at lightning speed, coming around to her side to open the door for her, and even holding out his hand to help her get out. Very chivalrously!
"Thanks." Tara replies shyly as they walk up the driveway alongside each other, his hand resting in the small of her back sending tingles up and down her spine along the way. It's utterly baffling to her what kind of effect the smallest of touch from him seems to have on her. It's never been like that with anyone else, not with Logan and certainly not with any other boys she's gone out with in the past. Is this what it's like when you're really falling in love?
They step onto the small cement porch, Tara's already pulled her keys out of the little purse she'd brought along, and is quickly, but quietly unlocking the front door. She pushes the door open a little, then turns back towards him, standing on unsure feet in the doorway, peering up at him through those long dark lashes of hers.
For a moment, she hesitates, biting her lip again, not sure what to say to him or do now that the date has come to an end. She's totally off her game here with him, out of her element, because it's never been this complicated and she's never felt this conflicted with any other boy. The possibility of Jax and her really becoming a couple makes her heart soar, but it also still scares her to death too.
But then he looks down at her as if he wants to kiss her again, doesn't waste another second, surges forward, and bridges the gap between them, ducking down to do just that when he presses yet another kiss against her still slightly swollen lips.
His tongue slides along the seam of her lips for just the second until she opens up to him and deepens the kiss with him. And for the first time while kissing, he's letting his hands slip down to her waist before wrapping his arms around her, pulling all of her into him, and everything about this feels so incredibly good and right, that Tara swears her toes are actually curling this time.
"Good luck on your test, Knowles. I'm sure you'll ace it." He says when he pulls away, his eyes holding her gaze, his hands on her waist now, still holding her close. Then he's looking uncharacteristically shy for just a second, before he adds. "That cop beat me to the punch, but happy birthday, babe!" He wraps his arms around her once more, completely engulfing her with his whole body, pressing a sweet kiss against the top of her head.
She's wrapped her arms around his torso too, clinging to him and wanting to revel in the feeling of this night for just a little bit longer. Holding him, breathing him in, and feeling his heartbeat against her cheek. I'm so screwed!
"You need to go in." Jax loosens his hold on her, urging her to do the same. "Because I can't leave until you do." He adds, his hands playing with her hair again, brushing it back out of her face repeatedly just to keep from touching her elsewhere.
"Okay." Tara agrees, because he's right, but then she's at a loss for words again, not sure what to say, how to properly end this. The most generic answer comes to mind. "I had a good time." It's an understatement, but it's all she's got. Smiling that shy smile again, and takes a reluctant step back, pushing the door further open when she steps inside.
"Me too." He answers smiling back at her. "Sweet dreams." He winks at her next and she shakes her head at him, can't help but chuckle at his suggestive tone when she wishes him the same. "You too."
"Good night." He smirks.
"Good night." She smiles.
Somehow, someway she brings herself to actually close the door, their eyes connected until the very last second. And then she sinks to the ground, sliding down with her back braced against the hard wooden surface, smiling like a fool, but at the same time trying hard not to giggle out loud at the pure happiness that is surging through her, just in case he's still standing on the other side listening in.
But then it suddenly hits her, all the reasons why this shouldn't have happened. Oh God, what have I done?
X
Her day hasn't turned out quite like she'd hoped.
She's barely gotten any sleep after Jax had left. She'd drift off just to wake again not long after, and spending every waking second recalling and overanalyzing every word, every touch, and every kiss she's shared with him, until eventually her alarm went off, signaling it was already time to get up again.
Then her last driving lessons with her father didn't go much better either, so much so that in her sleep deprived and distracted mind she'd almost ran a red light. He took her back home after that, where she ended up falling asleep within minutes in utter exhaustion, taking a nearly 2 hour long nap. But then, later on, by the grace of God, she manages to pass her driver's test after all, much to her own and her fathers' disbelief.
They went out for a late lunch at some fancy restaurant in downtown Stockton, in celebration of her newly acquired license and of course her birthday too, with a heaping helping of cake as desert. Her father handed the spare keys to the Cutlass to her as they were waiting for the check, telling her that she could - officially - have free use of his car now until he found her a suitable one of her own.
Her dad was truly the best and Tara was obviously ecstatic, but despite her best efforts to not think about him, this thing with Jax still overshadowed even this sweet moment with her dad for her, and she hated herself for it. She knew then that she needed to hash it all out with someone, bending a friend's ear in hopes to figure a way out of this mess she's made.
So now, that's where she was, sitting on her bed with a pile of freshly laundered clothes piled high right beside her that she's busy folding and putting on hangers, while she recalls not just last night's events, but everything that has happened between them, to a disbelieving Rayna sitting in the old rocking chair, the last remnant from when she was a baby and this room had been a nursery.
"What the hell is wrong with me?" Tara groans in disbelieve after she's finished giving her friend a very detailed account of all things concerning Jax.
"Nothing's wrong with you." Rayna interjects.
But before she can say anything else, Tara continues. "Every time I'm around him I get these feelings I don't wanna be feeling, and I just ... I don't trust myself. It's like I lose all common sense when I'm with him."
"That's called 'undeniable chemistry'. I think it's time to get real about what you really want." Rayna says then adds with a chuckle. "'Cause from what you just told me it sure sounds like Teller knows what he wants."
Tara groans again, for the millionth time wondering how things got so out of hand last night. "How could I be so stupid? How did I let things go that far?"
"You know what I think?" Rayna asks but doesn't give her the chance to reply before she already carries on, supplying the answer. "I think opportunity knocked at your door in the form of a blond haired, blue eyed hunk of bad boy hotness, and ... well, you kissed him on the mouth. Repeatedly. With tongue." She lets out a little laugh, much to Tara's displeasure.
"That's so not funny. And not helpful at all!" Tara replies dryly, shaking her head and busies her hands by concentrating on folding a pair of pajamas with much more detail than necessary.
Rayna gets up from her seat now, takes the few steps over to Tara's desk where something had caught her eye when she first got here, a list. She's seen Tara make these kinds of lists before, as a matter of fact, she's seen her do it very recently, about Jax, and so she can't help but raise the piece of paper up for Tara to see when she says. "You're still making lists though? Pros and cons?"
Tara's not even embarrassed, making lists is her thing. It's a way to put all this craziness into perspective. "Because I'm trying to be smart about this thing with Jax."
"O-kay." Rayna draws out the word, letting her eyes travel over the list, smirking at the aspects of Jax that Tara seems to deem a pro or a con. The list of cons a lot longer, albeit most of them utterly ridiculous in Rayna's opinion since they pertain more to Emma instead of the man of the hour himself. "And what did the list tell you?
Tara gestures to the paper in Rayna's hand. "Obviously we're a very bad idea."
"On paper." Rayna agrees, putting the list back down, and turning her full attention back towards her friend. "But seriously, Tar, what does your gut say?"
"Have you not been listening?" Tara wonders out loud, before she adds. "My gut agrees. It's a bad idea."
"Right, that's why you keep on making the lists?" Rayna snatches the paper up again and waves it in the air to further support the point she's trying to make right now.
But Tara doesn't get it, looking up at her confused. "What do you mean?"
Rayna shakes her head in disbelieve, before she explains. "What I mean is that you're obviously hoping that the pros are gonna outnumber the cons one day, or you wouldn't keep making the list over and over again." She says glancing around her desk, and quickly rifling through her things finding some of the previous lists Tara had made, before she adds. "I mean how many do you have here? ... Five? Six?"
Tara's not sure how to respond because there's certainly some truth to what Rayna is saying.
Rayna takes her silence as a sign to carry on, and recalling the cons of the list she's just looked at it's clear to her that Emma and bitches just like her have done quite a number on Tara and someone needs to screw her head on straight again, preferably before she blows her chance with the boy that she so obviously likes. "So it's either staying loyal to that backstabbing bitch Emma, or seeing where this thing with hottie Jackson Teller might actually lead? That's the Sophie's choice you're agonizing over? Really?" Rayna scoffs at her for just a second before she continues to ramble on. "Why do you worry so much what other people will think? What are you really afraid of, Tara? I mean, are you afraid if you ever do something even remotely selfish the earth's gravitational pull will end and we'll all go flying into space? I mean, ... I just really don't get what's holding you back."
Tara sighs dramatically, leaning back against the pillows behind her, before she questions out loud. "Aren't you supposed to be on my side here? Telling me how to get out of this mess I made?"
"I am totally on your side. But what do you want me to say? I'm really sorry you kissed a really hot guy last night? Sorry he's really fucking into you and you're into him too? So sorry you'll you have to put aside your plans for spinsterdom?" Rayna chuckles at the last one now, no longer able to keep a straight face at her own little joke.
Tara smiles too. "Spinsterdom? Really?"
"Hey, I'm just calling it like I see it." Rayna replies, grinning as she tries on a pair of Tara's sunglasses and glances in the vanity mirror to see how they suit her.
But the moment of laughter and lightheartedness is short-lived and Tara closes her eyes, draping her arm across her face to hide the fact that she's near tears now, because she's feeling so torn inside. This thing with Jax has turned her into an emotional mess.
"Look, you want me to be like Emma? Give you the kind of advice that will be in my best interest instead of yours? Or you want me to be a real friend, who tells you the cold hard truth and gives it to you straight?" Rayna surprises her with that statement a moment later as she's taking a seat on the foot of the bed right across from her, not liking to see her this distraught over something that should be simple.
Tara wipes at the moisture in her eyes, sniffling, before she slowly pushes herself up into a sitting position against the headboard again. She grabs one of her pillows, hugging it and clutching it to her chest, feeling vulnerable and exposed with the way Rayna's able to get under her skin. She lets out another dramatic sigh, but then replies with a huff of annoyance to her voice. "I obviously want the truth."
"Good. I was hoping you'd say that." Rayna nods pleased, then begins to speak, letting everything she's been holding back out now. "So here are the truths." She holds up her hand and counts along with each truth she's sharing. "One. What Emma wants or doesn't want you to do, doesn't matter. She's no longer your friend, hasn't been a good friend in a long time, and because of that, her feelings and opinions don't matter. She has no say in any of this. Two. What those girls in the bathroom said doesn't matter either. The rumors about you are bullshit, so you have to give him the same benefit of the doubt and assume that the rumors about him are bullshit too. Which also makes that whole you-being-his-flavor-of-the-week-thing bullshit too. The Jax those girls talked about, consider him gone, he doesn't exist, never really did. And he got replaced with a guy that's very obviously into you. Three. Who gives a shit what anyone else thinks or will think? Look, I get that those rumors upset you and I was upset for you too when I heard about them, but even if you were the sluttiest slut in all of Sluttown, that's your business and your business alone. I mean, if I would freak out every time my name gets tossed around in this town I'd never get anything done."
"That's because what they say about you is mostly true." Tara interrupts truthfully, smirking a little because she knows Rayna is in fact very confident and utterly unapologetic about her flirtatious antics. She has been known to make grown men blush.
Rayna shrugs, chuckling while she's smirking too. "That's true, but still. The point is, you should never let anyone tell you how to live your life, or let them dictate what's right or wrong. What I mean is, if screwing Jackson Teller's brains out is what you wanna do, then you shouldn't let anyone make you feel bad about it. If the biker boy's your kink, then you need to own that shit."
If there's one thing Tara should've expected by now, it's that Rayna does not hold any punches, but it still makes her cover her face in embarrassment, because it's true that she is in fact very attracted to Jax, whether she wants to admit it to the world or not. Leave it to Rayna to point that out to her so very bluntly.
Rayna doesn't miss a beat though and carries on, undeterred by Tara's embarrassment. "Four. I know that someone breaking in here and trying to hurt you has been seriously messing with your head, and has you feeling all kinds of fucked up. Believe me, I totally - totally - get that. But that is so not a reason to not get it on with Jax. I mean, Jesus Christ, Tara, he singlehandedly saved your life. He swashbuckled that shit, he's like ... like your very own knight in shining leather! Which brings us to truth number five. You worry that if it hadn't been for the break-in, you and Jax wouldn't even be talking to each other, let alone going out on dates. And yeah, maybe that one is true, but that doesn't mean that this thing with you two isn't real."
At that Tara can't bite her tongue any longer and interrupts her when she blurts out. "But it doesn't mean that it's good either."
Rayna's slowly growing more frustrated with Tara though. "You realize you're just nitpicking at every fucking little thing, right? Like you want to find more and more reasons to not get serious with him. For what? To keep dodging what could become something really amazing? Think about it. You had this crazy, adventurous night with him, but here you are, on your birthday, moping and crying as if he'd been a total jerk to you last night, when he was the complete opposite of that. Why are you still stuck here? Why do you keep looking for reasons to not give him a real chance?"
"It's complicated. You know that." Tara defends herself.
"No, I think it's convenient that it's complicated." Rayna corrects her. "Or you trying to make it sound like it's complicated when in reality it isn't that at all."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Tara stares back at her confused, not at all understanding where Rayna is going with this now.
"You know we've been friends since kindergarten too, I know you pretty well, just like you know me pretty well too, and I know how you've been with all the other guys you've dated before."
"How I've been? What are you talking about?" Tara wonders out loud.
"I'm saying you've got a type, Tara. Let's be real here, it's obvious that you've got a thing for bad boys. And sure, you flirt and maybe even go out on a date with them ... once, but then you use the very fact that they are 'bad boys' as an excuse to not get serious." Rayna explains.
"That's so not true, Logan and I were together for a long time." She defends herself.
"Right." Rayna nods. "A long time that lead absolutely nowhere, because most of the time he did his own thing with his asshole jock friends and the wannabe Queen Bees of the cheerleading squat, while you hung out with Emma, or me, or the rest of our friends. So I guess, yeah, technically it's true that you didn't dump Logan after date number one, but you still never really got serious with him either. And I'm guessing with Jax's whole family being who they are, that whole biker outlaw thing, and girls swooning over him, in a way, he's the ultimate bad boy, right? Which makes him not a real option for you, at least not in that twisted little head of yours."
"I don't know." Tara huffs out on a long sigh, feeling like she's out of breath, not really sure what else to say to all that. Her head is swimming with everything Rayna's throwing at her all at once, but she's trying to listen, tries to take it all to heart and see how she sees it.
Tara doesn't want to admit it, but this isn't the first time someone has pointed her flawed thinking out to her in regards to boys and her dating life. The truth is she had in fact wanted to dump Logan very early on, but Emma had been the one that talked her into giving him a chance, much like Rayna is doing now in regards to Jax. The only difference is that she never even remotely felt for Logan the way she was feeling about him. Her feelings for Jax were honestly something she's never ever felt before in her life, for anyone.
After a moment Tara finally replies. "Maybe you're right, okay? Maybe I got some serious issues, and I don't know how to be close with somebody. Maybe it isn't just about Emma or the rumors, maybe it's about me." She pauses, trying to swallow away the lump that she can feel forming in her throat, because the truth is that this boy has the means to break her heart in a way it's never been broken before and she knows it, and that thought scares her. "But Jax isn't like those other guys, Ray. The way I feel about him is so different, and I'm ... I'm just terrified."
"Terrified of what?" Rayna asks somberly and genuinely concerned at the expression that has crossed over Tara's face now.
Tara struggles with the right words, but she finally admits to Rayna what she didn't even want to admit to herself. "I'm terrified, because ... I think I'm falling in love with him." A single tear is running down her cheek that she quickly wipes away. "Or maybe I already am in love with him. But ... but what if my worst fears are true? What if he's just playing me? What if he doesn't feel the same?" Her eyes fill with more tears, her chin trembling at the ugly truth that to Rayna's surprise honestly doesn't have much to do with Emma after all. But unbeknownst to Rayna it still does have to do with Emma, because Tara's inner thoughts are very much influenced by Emma's ugly words on the night of the party at Lodi Lake.
"Shit." Rayna blurts out when Tara falls apart right in front of her. She hurries to close the distance between them and pulls her friend into her arms to comfort her. "Come here."
The two girls embrace for a long silent moment, Tara's body shaking with sobs she's trying so hard to suppress and control, but she's failing miserably.
After a while Tara eventually pulls away and Rayna hands her the tissue box from the other nightstand, waiting until she's wiped the wetness from her face before speaking up again. "But what if you're wrong?"
"What?" Tara asks looking befuddled, sniffling into the tissue in her hand.
"At the risk of sounding like a total chick here, but what if Jax is the guy you're supposed to end up with? But you don't because you're too damn scared to give it a go. I mean, for fucks sake, I already said it once but it's worth mentioning again: He saved your life! And then, ... then he sat on your couch and read a goddamn book to you?" Rayna blurts out, sounding still in disbelieve that that has actually happened. "I mean, who does that?"
At that both of them can't help but giggle a little, until Rayna carries on even more. "You're already sitting here crying, so could the worst case scenario of him breaking your heart really be any worse than you breaking it all on your own? What if for once in your life you stop worrying, stop making excuses and just go for it, go for what you really want? I mean, do you really wanna close the damn book and make this the end of the story? Or do you wanna turn the page and see what'll happen next? What do you want, Tar?"
Tara raises her hand up to cover her trembling lips and chin, suddenly overcome with emotions again at the thought of really closing the book on Jax. Rayna's words are resonating with her, because she really doesn't want that.
But at the same time Rayna still has both her parents, she hasn't seen the kind of heartbreak you subject yourself to when you let someone in like that. Tara will never forget how it broke her dad's heart when her mom died. One day she was here and they were happy, and the next she was just gone, ripped out of their lives way too soon. That shit isn't easy to cope with. It makes it hard to believe in a happily-ever-after. It makes it hard to believe that people can fall in love and stay together. At least for Tara it does, because that's what she's experienced firsthand. That's what she knows.
But maybe, just maybe, Rayna's right. Maybe she just needs to take that leap of faith, and believe that there's a reason Jax was there that night to save her, and has been there ever since to help her through the aftermath too.
Her knight in shining leather! That's what Rayna's called him, the thought brings a little smile to Tara's face when an image of Jax in his usual attire appears in her head: Blue jeans, t-shirt, and a leather Jacket.
She shakes her head to herself, because she can't believe what she's about to do, but then, at last she finally speaks up, her voice is soft, yet surprisingly there's no doubt in it when she answers Rayna's last question and finally admits out loud what she's known in her heart for a while now. "I want him. I want Jax."
"Finally. Took you long enough." Rayna smiles, big and bright and genuinely. "Looks like my job here is done." She nudges Tara in the shoulder, urging her to make some room for her so she can sit beside her, then turns her attention to her before she says. "Okay, now that that's settled, tell me more about that book he read to you? He didn't happen to read like a sex scene or something, did he?"
Tara can't help but let out a laugh at that, despite her still red rimmed eyes from the tears that haven't completely dried just yet. She shakes her head though when she answers. "No, no sex scenes, it was just sick and twisted and scary stuff. Nothing remotely sexy about it."
"Hmmm." Rayna muses, then quickly adds with a hint of a smirk on her face. "Look, I swear I do not have a thing for Teller, so don't take this the wrong way. But I have heard Jax read shit out loud in class before, and he could recite the side effects of my birth control pills, or a freaking grocery list or something, and most girls would probably need to change their panties right after."
"Oh my God, Rayna." Tara blurts out in shock at Rayna's crude remark, playfully slapping her friend in the shoulder as they both start laughing out loud.
Through the laughter, Rayna adds. "Tell me I'm wrong. You know I'm not lying." She searches Tara's face for a moment, still smiling brightly, still chuckling a little under her breath when she asks. "C'mon, it must've done something to you when he was reading to you?"
"I'm not gonna answer that." Tara replies, smiling too, and still chuckling too as she's shaking her head no.
"I'm gonna take that as a big fat yes." Rayna teases her, laughing all over again. "Admit it, Knowles, you totally got hot and bothered by him reading, didn't you?"
"I'm pleading the fifth." Tara replies, blushing, smiling and laughing.
At that Rayna gasps, and playfully pushes Tara away from her, teasing her. "I knew it, you totally did, you slutty slut."
Another bout of laughter echoes through Tara's bedroom when both of them can't seem to stop, a welcoming change to the tears that were flowing earlier.
But slowly their laughter turns to little giggles as they're trying to catch their breaths, before even the giggles die down completely.
A moment of silence fills the air between the two friends until Rayna breaks it, meeting Tara's eyes with a questioning look when she points out. "There's a party in Lodi tonight, at this seniors' place, he's friends with Tino."
"My dad won't let me go." Tara interjects instantly.
"Really? Not even on your birthday?" Rayna wonders out loud, searching Tara's face to see if that's really true. "He can't still be mad, I mean, he didn't even ground you."
Tara sighs in frustration. "The reason he didn't ground me about what happened at the last party was only because my birthday was coming up. But trust me on this, he's still mad about that and there is no way in hell he'll let me go, especially on my birthday."
"Okay. Let me think." Rayna nods, the wheels in her head turning with ideas on how they could make this work. "We'll just tell your dad that you're sleeping at my house tonight. And I'll tell my parents that I'll be sleeping over here. We don't have to mention a party to either one of them. Problem solved. Tada." She adds with a fake sounding cheer.
"Um, okay, ... but where are we actually going to sleep?" Tara raises her eyebrows in both skepticism and curiosity.
"We're not, Tar, that's the whole point. I'll ask Tino for the address and we're gonna make sure your lover boy will be there, so you can tell him how you feel, and then we're gonna party hardy."
"You're serious?" Tara asks again, her eyebrows raising almost to her hairline.
"Hell yes, I'm serious. Good girls finish last, baby. We can sleep when we're dead." Rayna replies and drapes her arm around Tara's shoulder. "Trust me, this will be your best birthday yet."
X
Author's Note: Lots of progress for Tara in this chapter, I hope you like it. Please leave me a comment or a review, I want to hear what you think? Thanks.