A/N: Yes, I'm still alive. I just want to say that I'm so grateful to the people who have been reading this story and following/favoriting/reviewing in my absence. Thank you for your support and your patience. I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's a long one!
Cool saltwater lapped over Lien's toes as the moon reflected into her eyes. She didn't remember walking down to the docks, didn't remember anything beyond the present moment. The night air caressed her cheek, tousled her hair. Loose black curls swaying in the wind's sweet rhythm. She smiled, leaning her head back until her field of view was conquered by the stars that decorated the black expanse like freckles.
She lowered her gaze to the waves, losing herself in their almost hypnotic rocking. In the distance, she caught sight of a silvery gleam below the surface. It was moving toward her with alarming speed. She lifted her legs out of the water at the same time her traitorous hands pushed her in. The blue swallowed her, dragging her deep down. Until the moon above disappeared and all she could see was her own body glowing white in the nothingness.
Straight red gashes opened in her thighs, stinging at the touch of the saltwater. Intentional wounds. The blood stained the sea around her. She felt no fear. Even as the pain faded and her vision dimmed. Even as the gaping maw of a silver serpent neared her, drawn by the scent of her blood.
Lien threw herself into a sitting position. The guestroom was beginning to lighten as the sun rose outside her window. Skin slick with sweat, limbs trembling, the old wound aching. She forced herself to slow her gasps down to regular breaths. She was safe in Kiran's home. It had been months since the attempt on her life. All that remained of that night was a wicked scar across her stomach and the nightmares.
This one was a little… unusual. She usually relived the night with some variations. Like dying or being brought to a different location and tortured. But nothing came close to what she had just experienced. She tried to shake off the dream, the all-encompassing cold and blood and beastly fangs. Her feet hit the floor with a light thud that knocked the lingering images out of her mind.
She threw open the wardrobe. Dresses in every style and color were packed inside. After a few weeks of wearing her own gowns, Kiran decided to outfit her guest with "more suitable" clothing. Her fingers stroked the silky green fabric of the Earth Kingdom cheongsams. She wondered if Jing Fei wore dresses like these in her new life. Though her tastes aligned more with Fire Nation fashions, she selected the darkest green cheongsam available to her. In the aftermath of her nightmare, she wanted to feel as close to her older sister as possible. She left her hair down in its natural waves then joined Kiran for breakfast.
Kiran beamed as she noticed Lien's choice of dress. "Pine is such a wonderful color on you. Just gorgeous. You should have been an Earth Kingdom girl."
Lien couldn't eat after that comment. She pushed the food around her plate but never raised the chopsticks to her mouth. Kiran didn't seem to notice that she'd brought unpleasant memories back to Lien. Months ago, her mother had confessed her infidelity, confessed that Lien's father was not Wei Sheng but some man in the Earth Kingdom.
She was still struggling with the reminder and all the questions that came with it when Kiran cleared her throat obnoxiously.
"A letter from Zhao arrived just before you came down," she said, pulling a sealed scroll from the billowing sleeves of her crimson gown. It was the first time Lien had seen her in traditional Fire Nation colors.
Her hands shook from hunger and fatigue as she took the scroll from Kiran. She broke Zhao's now familiar seal. There were few characters to scan. This letter was not as detailed as she had grown accustomed to. Just the words: I'll be home soon. Heat rose into her cheeks as her heart hammered in her chest. She set the letter down on the table. Kiran's eyes snuck a glance at the brief message and smiled.
"He must be coming back to marry you," she said. She stood, leaving her dirty dishes. She grabbed Lien and pulled the girl into a crushing embrace. "How exciting! We absolutely must have a spa day to get you ready. What do you think?"
"Oh umm…" She coughed until Kiran released her. Her eyes stared at the floor, searching for patterns in the wooden planks.
Kiran examined her guest. They had spent some time getting to know each other since Lien had recovered from the attack, just enough that she learned to read the girl's expressions. She set her features in exaggerated dismay.
"Have you changed your mind about marrying the commander? It couldn't possibly be that you don't want to spend time with me. We've grown so close…"
"I…" Lien met Kiran's gaze, finding no hint of teasing in spite of her almost playful tone. "I suppose I'm just nervous about… after the ceremony…"
Kiran's red painted lips shifted from a frown to a slight smirk. "Oh, I see. Well, no worries, my darling pet. I can tell you everything you need to know about all that."
Lien cringed at the nickname unconsciously. Before she could recover enough poise to decline her offer politely, Kiran launched into an excruciatingly detailed account of her own wedding night ten years ago. Lien blushed furiously but couldn't find the right words to bring an end to the verbal torment. She was petrified, eyes stuck wide, jaw locked.
Kiran sighed dreamily as she came to the end of her story. She composed herself then focused on Lien. "So, really, there's nothing to be scared of. Well, I suppose Zhao might not be as gentle as my Masaru. And he definitely isn't as patient… But no, no, everything will be fine. Don't worry."
Lien nodded despite feeling less confident than she had been before the conversation started. She managed to keep a tight smile on her lips until Kiran finally excused herself. Something about needing to check in with her servants. Lien waited a few minutes before running out the front door. Since Zhao dropped her off several months ago, she hadn't had much time alone. Most times, Kiran assigned a guard to watch her whenever she left the house. It made sense in the early days, when Lien was weak from her wound and the assassin was presumed to be still watching. Waiting for them to make a mistake.
But with no incidents in months, she thought it would be fine to walk alone as long as she was back to Kiran's before it got dark. Still, she felt uneasy after the dream she'd had. She found herself wandering the streets of the capital, weaving towards the market. In his last letter, Zhao had sent some money, told her to get anything she needed. Surely, he wouldn't mind if she got a little something to protect herself.
The merchant snickered as she approached his stand. She ignored his lingering gazes and the comments he mumbled to his business partner – a teen about her age and, most likely, the man's son. Her fingers traced over knife blades and squeezed the hilts. She tested each one before settling on a simple steel dagger with a hilt wrapped in black leather straps. It was cheap, but felt sturdy enough.
She paid without incident and tucked the weapon into the belt of her dress. It wasn't too secure, but she was reluctant to purchase a proper sheath from those men. Her nose crinkled at the thought of them. There was no doubt in her mind that the father had made crude comments about her. Perhaps it had something to do with her Earth Kingdom style… She looked down at the silky green fabric and hugged herself. Part of her considered returning to Kiran's so she could change into something that would just let her blend in with everyone else.
Before she could make a decision, her attention was drawn by the sound of raised voices behind her. She spun around just in time to see a child sprinting towards her. The grimy little boy grabbed a fistful of her skirt as he hid behind her.
"Please help me, miss." His voice wavered and cracked as the words passed through his dry lips.
She opened her mouth to question him but she was interrupted by a new voice. "Excuse me, do you know this boy?" It was an elder man who she recognized from the produce stall across the square.
"Has he done something?"
The man scoffed. "He's stolen from me again." He directed his next comment at the child, trying to reach around Lien to grab him. "Pay me what I'm owed, ya damn bastard."
Lien shielded the boy from those thick grasping fingers. "I have money, sir. How much?"
The grocer mumbled an amount that seemed so small in comparison to what Lien had just spent on the dagger. It couldn't have gotten the boy much more than a few ash bananas and some chilies. She handed over the amount due without hesitation. The man counted out each of the coins, fixed the child with a glare, then returned to his stall.
"Thank you…" The boy released his grip on her skirt and scuttled away into the nearest alley before Lien could question him.
She frowned after him but decided to leave him be. It was best not to get invested in such people. At the moment, she didn't have the resources to care for all of the less-than-fortunate in the city. Her chest constricted at the thought of that little boy stealing food again just to make it another day. Having to sleep on the street, getting sick… It made her heart ache. Even her ten-year imprisonment couldn't compare to the struggle of the poor and rejected.
In that moment, she remembered what Kiran had said about becoming an advisor to the Fire Lord. Perhaps it would give her the opportunity to help these people somehow. Maybe it was worth looking into. Even if she didn't have the right experience, she was sure her determination and love of knowledge could gain his respect.
Her shoulders slumped as her legs carried her to the edge of the city. It was just a foolish dream. So many others would be vying for that position. She didn't stand a chance. Tears prickled in her eyes. There was nothing special about her. She'd been hidden away out of shame, not because she had some sort of grand destiny that her family tried to keep her from fulfilling.
When she finally knocked herself out of her self-pity, she found herself standing on the harbor boardwalk. The sun was sinking toward the horizon and the late-arriving merchant ships were docking for the night. She blinked a few times. How long had she been standing there?
As she turned to head back to Kiran's, she noticed a warship pulling up to the last available dock. Her heart raced and a heat rose unbidden to her face. She hung back for a while, watching, telling herself again and again that it couldn't have been Zhao. Not yet. From his previous letters, it seemed as though he was still patrolling the border between the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom. By her estimate, it should have taken him a week to return home.
She studied the ship. From such a distance, she couldn't place it, but something about it was odd. She crept forward, trying not to draw attention to herself. At about 100 feet, the finer details came into sharp focus. The metal on the right side slouched as though it had been melted. She ran forward as the crew finished securing the ship. Several men, uniforms stained light grey with ash, gave her odd looks but did nothing to stop her.
Zhao was the last to leave the warship. He stood at the end of the gangplank with an engineer. Lien slowed as she drew close enough to hear their conversation.
"These repairs will take time, sir," the engineer said. He wiped the sweat on his brow with a filthy handkerchief. "It'd be faster to just petition the admiral for a new one. For the time being."
"Of course." Zhao's voice sounded a bit hoarse and strained with the effort of controlling his anger and frustration. His eyes flicked to the side, noticing Lien for the first time. He swept past the engineer with a muttered order.
Lien paled as he approached her. Her heart hadn't stopped thundering against her ribs and the short sprint left her gasping, dizzy.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, grasping her upper arms to steady her.
When she didn't reply, he pulled her to his chest, wrapped his arms around her waist. He smelled of sweat and smoke. His uniform was singed in places and covered in more ash than she'd seen on the rest of his men. He looked like he'd fought a volcanic eruption on his own. Like the stories she'd read about Avatar Roku. The comparison sent shivers down her spine. But he was alive. Somehow.
She pulled out of the embrace, still holding him loosely. She didn't trust herself to stand on her own. Her eyes studied his face, took note of the greyish hue of his skin, the shadows beneath his eyes. And the hint of bandages peeking out from underneath his collar. Tremors wracked her body. She didn't know the exact odds, but she assumed his arrival here was a miracle. Whatever he had faced out there could have killed him.
He wiped away a tear she hadn't realized she'd shed. His hand lingered on her cheek, stroking her skin absently. Then he released her and stepped back. The affection she thought she'd glimpsed in his eyes vanished. His irises darkened, tainted by an emotion she couldn't recognize.
"I need to talk to you," he said at last.
An hour later, they sat together in Zhao's home. Her fiancé had bathed and changed, leaving his damaged uniform with a servant. Lien fidgeted with the hilt of her dagger as she waited for him to speak. They sipped on jasmine tea for a few minutes before he broke the silence.
"You've said Kiran's been treating you well?" He didn't make eye contact with her. The tea eased his vocal cords a bit, making his voice sound less like he'd been yelling orders for hours.
"Yes." She set her knife on the table.
"Fine," he said, setting down his cup with a sharp clink. Lien flinched. "You're not interested in insincere pleasantries. Then listen to me closely and don't say a word until I'm done."
She nodded her agreement and sat with her lips pressed tightly together as he launched into his story. He talked about crossing paths with the banished Prince Zuko, the Agni Kai he lost. As he recounted his failures to her, his face reddened, though she couldn't tell if it was anger or embarrassment. Maybe both. Then he mentioned the Avatar. That Zuko had found him and they all had a confrontation on Crescent Island. Lien's eyes widened. She struggled to keep the questions from flowing out of her sealed lips until he'd finished speaking.
"The Avatar escaped the temple and I…" He left the rest unsaid, but his shuddering body and sleepless eyes told her everything he couldn't. "My reputation is sure to take a hit from these recent failures. I would understand if you want to call off our engagement."
Lien waited a moment to be sure he was finished. She set her tea cup on the table then rested her thin fingers on the back of his hand. "When you found out that I can't bend, I thought you would leave me. But you didn't. Everyone else was so ready to dismiss me. Only Jing Fei saw me as a person, rather than an object. For years, I lived like that. And then you chose me."
Zhao met her gaze and she smiled. Her hand moved to cup his cheek, encouraging him to maintain the eye contact.
"At first, I was scared," she continued. "I thought your plans for me would be worse than being imprisoned. Over time, you showed me that I was wrong. You cared for me after I was attacked. My own mother didn't even check on me." She hesitated, unconsciously leaning closer to him. "I guess what I'm trying to say is… there's more to you than your career and success. I can see it, even if you can't. I never thought a man like you would want me the way I am. So, I want you to know that I want you too, no matter if you fail or not."
His fingers entwined in the hair at the back of her head and he pulled her mouth to his. Eyes slipping shut, she moved her lips against his in a slow rhythm, matched his pace. It was gentle, languid. The hunger from their previous kisses was still there but subdued. A low burning flame of passion rather than an unconquerable blaze.
He left her lips and trailed kisses down her cheek, along her jawline, stopping at the high collar of her dress. Lien moaned softly. He'd never kissed her that way before. Her eyelashes fluttered as she leaned her head back, giving him more access to her neck. He pushed the fabric aside. His lips continued their descent until he reached the sensitive skin where her neck sloped into shoulder. Lien's body trembled as he bit down gently. She grabbed the back of his head, feeling his still-damp hair, pulling him closer.
Excitement buzzed along each of her nerves. Kiran's description of her wedding night had been dry in comparison to the real thing. She hadn't expected it to feel so good. Even just the kissing and nibbling had filled her with nervous jitters and a heat she hadn't felt before. It pooled between her legs, driving her to bring his face back to hers and kiss him hard.
Her hands wandered over his chest. She took her time, tracing his muscles under his thin shirt, keeping her touches light when she passed over his wound. Although she hadn't seen it, she was sure it was a burn from the volcanic incident at the temple. Or maybe from his Agni Kai with Prince Zuko. But she didn't want to think about any of that. She only wanted to focus on Zhao. She wanted to make him feel as good as he made her feel.
Their lips parted and she moved down to his neck, feathering light kisses along his tanned skin. She panted against him as she copied what he had done before. Her teeth grazed his collarbone. He drew in a sharp breath. Anticipation gathered in the air between them until the atmosphere felt heavy. She bit him gingerly at first, afraid she would hurt him. But his approving moans encouraged her and she added more pressure. Sucking on his neck while her hands roamed over his back. His hands had settled on her waist, keeping her close but not exploring.
She licked over the skin she had sucked on, noticing how it had already turned a deep shade of purple. Her heart pounded unsteadily; her chest heaved. The need she had felt earlier only intensified. She wanted him. Almost more than she'd wanted anything else in her life.
"Touch me." Her voice was barely above a whisper.
Zhao hesitated.
"What's wrong?" she asked. She kissed up his neck then pecked his lips. Frowning, she pulled back to study his expression. "I thought you wanted me."
"I do," he said quickly. He caressed her cheek. "But it's been a long time since I've done this and you're a virgin. It might be in your best interest to wait until we're married…"
"Oh…" She stood and backed away from him.
"Lien," he said, clambering to his feet. He put his back to her while he adjusted his trousers. When he was able, he followed her to the door. "Why are you so upset? I'm trying to take care of you, protect you from–"
"If you want me, why won't you take me?" she demanded. The words tumbled from her thoughts into open air before she could stop them.
"You want me to take you?" Then, before she could reply, "Fine."
He shoved her against the wall, pinning her slender wrists above her head with one hand. The other gripped her hip hard enough to leave bruises. Lien squeaked. Even though she knew he was only trying to scare her, her waning lust for him was rekindled. The feeling of his body pressing against hers, the rough way he handled her… It was enough to make her lightheaded with desire.
His lips crashed down on hers again, stealing her breath, tongue darting into her mouth. He licked along her teeth, flicked against her tongue, then he pulled away. Lien gasped for air as he released her wrists. Her arms fell around his shoulders, preventing him from leaving her. She wanted to savor every touch, every emotion he stirred in her before he decided he'd pushed far enough. With one fist holding on to the back of his shirt, she moved her other hand to his arm, stroking and squeezing his bicep.
"Do you want to move somewhere more comfortable?" he asked, voice low. "You'd enjoy it more in bed than against a wall."
"Y-yes."