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Chapter 13

Merlin gritted his teeth. "Aliese." he whispered. Arthur watched warily as Merlin's eyes flashed gold. Almost instantly, a grimace of pain flashed across his face.

"Aliese." This time, Merlin sucked in sharply.

"Merlin, maybe you should stop." suggested Arthur, concerned at the pallor his friend's face was taking.

"No." he grunted. "I...have to...k-k-keep...t-trying." He squeezed his eyes shut, mentally steeling himself and summoning all his strength. "Aliese!" he cried. The chains glowed a molten red, and Merlin's body jerked in agony. Bound by his restraints, Arthur could only watch tensely, as Merlin's chest heaved and his body shook. The whole time, he kept his teeth clenched, refusing to allow any sounds out.

Finally, Merlin's breathing eased as the pain seemed to subside. His shoulders slumped, allowing the chains to take the full weight of his body.

"Can't...do it," he gasped. "I'm … s-s- … sor-"

"Don't you dare apologize," Arthur said fiercely. "It's my fault we're in this mess, not yours."

Merlin smiled weakly, not looking very convinced.

"We'll get out of this," Arthur promised. "We'll keep trying. Just rest for now."

For once, Merlin did as he was told.

Not for nothing were they the Knights of the Round Table. Gwaine battled three of King Cenred's men to one, while Percival slashed a fourth man to ribbons. Elyan and Leon fought back to back, taking down two men at a time. Before long, Lord Damien was outnumbered.

Scowling, he raised his hands in surrender. "Very well," he growled. "You may pass without penalty."

"Glad you're such a reasonable man," grinned Gwaine.

Leon leaned toward Gwaine. "What do we do with them now?" he whispered in his ear.

Gwaine shrugged. "We can't let them alert anyone. They might send reinforcements."

"Tie them up, then?" Percival suggested. Elyan nodded in agreement.

But Gwaine shook his head, looking thoughtful. "I have a better idea," he said.

He squatted down next to Lord Damien. "We stole the fight you were promised." said Gwaine. Damien avoided his eye. "But," he added, "I think I have a way we can make it up to you, and you'll be helping us at the same time. Interested?"

The captain thought for a moment, squared his shoulders, and looked at Gwaine. "I'm listening."

"Did you really kill the Griffin?"

"Yes," Merlin sighed, for the fifth time.

"And what about the illness with the beetle, the one we thought Gaius cured?" Arthur pressed. "That was actually you?"

Merlin gave a shuddering cough. "Yes, yes it was me."

Merlin was growing paler and paler as the hours passed. Arthur had begun interrogating him awhile ago, both out of his own curiosity, and to keep him awake.

Arthur shook his head wonderingly. "I can't believe I never caught on. Wait!" he clapped his hand on the ground. "The juggling! You can't really juggle, can you?"

Merlin shook his head, wincing as the movement sent daggers through his brain.

"How did you learn magic?" Arthur asked curiously.

"Born with it." Merlin said tiredly.

Arthur blinked. "I didn't know that was possible.

Merlin's teeth began to chatter. Arthur was worried. How long could Merlin hold out in this condition?

"Have you ever tried to just not use your powers?" Arthur asked quickly, to keep Merlin talking.

"Have you ever thought about needing to breathe?" The question seemed to have come out of nowhere. Arthur shook his head, nonplussed. Merlin nodded.

"Of course not. You don't need to think about it. It is vital to your survival, so your body will do it instinctively, without you needing to put any thought into it. But if you try holding it," Merlin continued, "Even if you concentrate all your energy and willpower into the act of not breathing, you will not succeed. Your body will force you to take a breath. It needs to breathe"

Arthur stared at him. "Can you skip to the part where this starts making sense?"

Merlin laughed, wincing again as pain shot through his abdomen.

"That's what it's like for me," he wheezed, "my magic. It's as easy as breathing for me. I usually don't need to think about it at all. It just...happens. Instinctively." He paused, resting for a minute.

"But, just like breathing," he said at last, "I need to use my magic. If I don't, it will build inside me, until it eventually comes out on its own. I can't contain it."

"If I can't use magic," he said finally, "I might as well die."

Arthur was quiet. Merlin looked at him. "Let me ask you something."

"Okay…" said Arthur warily. Merlin snorted. "You've been interrogating me this whole time," he said faintly, "and you're afraid of one question?"

"Fair enough," Arthur allowed. "Go on."

"Do you really think magic is evil?"

Arthur looked at him thoughtfully. "I did," he said slowly. "For the longest time I thought it was the cause of everything bad that had happened in my life. My mother … Morgana … my father …" he swallowed. "But I'm starting to think my father was wrong. Maybe … maybe it's really people who are evil, not magic itself."

"Pity you couldn't come to this conclusion before."

"Morgana," Arthur sighed. "Impeccable timing, as always."