How to smile

Bearing The Weight

As soon as they had gotten the battlefield cleared everyone retreated away. Well, everyone followed Jeanne's lead once her eyes spotted the French Army's Marshall staring at her with disbelief. It mattered not to Arturia as she was more focused on the children as they did their best to avoid all contact with her even going so far as to sever her mental link so the king cannot overhear their thoughts.

It was heart wrenching, but that's the way it is. She is the one who tried to portray herself in the way those childish and pure-hearted books wrote her. She studied the many books and even saw the childish pictures of herself drawn on the crumpled paper hidden inside the books.

The blame lies with her. Thus, she must be the one that rights this.

The group travels a great distance, but it seems short to Arturia as she tries to brainstorm a solution to this problem she herself created. The king doesn't hear Boudica's worried question, but she notices her other self staring at her with an air of victory over herself. Arturia makes sure to not react and give the one tainted in black armor any satisfaction. She barely hears anything save for everyone to stop as everyone prepares to set camp.

"You know if you continue to remove the stake repeatedly you'll soon dig a hole." A hand places over her armored one causing Arturia to pause as she finally notices Boudica. How long has the Rider been there? She didn't know and right now she didn't care.

"Is there something you need Boudica?" Arturia questions as she stops "trying" to put the children's tent up.

"If I said food was ready will you stop?" The question makes Arturia stop and look at the queen questioningly. "Right…you know what to do?"

"There is nothing I can do at this point. Those children fear me now." Arturia sighs as she tightens her posture and stands. Despite everything, she knows when a battle is lost. She has no choice but to accept it. But the Rider in front of her gives a long sigh.

"They do not fear you. They are merely scared of what they saw." Boudica says, slightly looking down on the shorter blonde.

"What they saw was the real me. A king who will kill anything that threatens my kingdom and take everything that it needs." It tears her to say it, to admit it. She cannot hide behind childish literature and foolish ideals underneath a cover any longer.

Boudica's bright blue eyes slightly darken before she speaks, "Then we are the same in that regard. Do you not realize who you are speaking to? They call me the Queen of Victory… but that's a joke. I never protected what was important. After that thing… took everything I loved from me. I lost sight of it."

"What are saying?" Arturia questions, failing to see the point.

"How do you think those children treat me after I told them about some of the things I've done?" Boudica questions with a slight smile. Just based on that smile alone even Arturia could tell the result was positive. Unable to question verbally, the king waited for an answer. No doubt Boudica spared them from the finer, grimier details of what was done to both her daughters and herself.

"They said I was lying at first until Noah confirmed it for them." Boudica laughs a little. "Their shock was adorable as well their thinking. It reminded me of my children, when they were innocent, for a moment."

Arturia makes a faint smile at that. Both Ren and Shiri's actions were adorable at times.

"But they both told me it's what we do now that should matter." Boudica states to Arturia's shock. Their acceptance was honestly a surprise. Children, no matter how innocent have to have some form of prejudice… and these two said something like that?

"They honestly said that?" Arturia asks. While it doesn't excuse her actions from earlier, it makes her at least joyful for a second chance.

"Yes. Even Noah's usually dim eyes where lit with pride… at least till what was said a bit later." Boudica looks toward the campfire as Arturia's eyes follow to see a strangely sad looking Noah that releases a sigh as Kiyohime tries to cheer him up with both words and actions, none of them influencing the depressed man. Neither Ren nor Shiri were having much luck either as both Siegfried and George watched with stiff expressions, their mirth at the situation barely hidden.

"What was said to make that man like that?" Arturia's eye widen in surprise as Boudica gives a full-blown laugh that is heard by Noah as he bends forward with a loud sigh, knowing what story Boudica is telling.

"Hm, that's an Auntie's secret. I am underneath the threat of 'crossing my heart hope to die' to not tell." Boudica continues to laugh to Arturia's confusion.

'Crossing my heart… so Boudica is under the threat of command spell to die if she says anything?' Arturia nearly wants to ask but it's better she doesn't if the queen would die as a result.

"So… are you joining us?" Before turning away both the girl's eyes, both piercing, trusting, yet wary. Part of her is nervous and hopes to prepare instead of charging in and saying anything but it would seem that walking away would cause more harm than good for the two. With a smallest of sighs Arturia gives a curt nod after putting down the camping equipment still in hand.

Later on, Arturia would deny that the shining looks in her Masters' eyes did not make her heart jump.

"Looks like Auntie Boudica did it…" Shiri whispers to her black-haired sister. It was great as she could hardly contain her giddiness to shout to the heavens. Her sister, on the other hand, tried to be more subtle by excitingly rubbing her hands to together and quietly nodding.

"I thought we were going have to ask Berserker to bring her over." Ren silently thought of their idol being dragged over like a doll but if Boudica couldn't do it, they would ask Berserker to do so. The thought was comical but they feel that might start something dreadful.

Both children quieted down as Arturia approached noticing the awkward posture and look in their hero's normally confident if emotionless eyes. Sitting slowly on the log between them, the two stared as the woman looked like she was ready to run at any moment. Meanwhile, Boudica gave the sisters a warm smile as if she was enjoying the scene.

After several moments of awkward silence Arturia decides to speak, "So what are we having for dinner?"

"Wild boar!" Shiri cheers as she grabs Arturia's arm as she pokes the large slab of meat on her plate before picking it up with both hands pushing it close for the Lancer to see, a total lack of manners on her part as juices from the meat fall onto her plate. "See… it's a lot better than meat from a regular pig, more chewy too."

"It is really yummy…." Ren mutters as she watches, chewing on her piece by hoisting it near her mouth using a fork.

"I… see." Arturia does her best to not call out one of her Master on her lack of manners.

"Shiri, use your fork please." Seemingly back to normal, Noah tells his niece out on her lack of etiquette. As his green eyes turn toward Arturia intensely Ren can see annoyance in his gaze. For what reason, she does not understand, well she does but does not want to put into words "Are you hungry? I know Servants don't need to eat but…"

"I will have a plate."

"Just a plate?" Shiri's question sparks a chuckle out the group causing Arturia to flush just the slightest.

"I-It is… that is all I will eat!" Arturia, despite the girls witnessing her hunger, won't let go of her kingly pride. She'll have one plate, perhaps two if it is good enough. "I don't want to be seen as a glutton."

"Even if it's my cooking dear?" Boudica playfully wipes away a false tear away from her eye. "I guess my cooking is not good enough…."

"I may have three helpings in that case…" Arturia sighs as Noah puts two more slices of boar on her plate and only a small helping of cooked vegetables on the side. "There are barely vegetables on this plate? How the children going to-"

"What is with you Servants?" Noah sighs dryly. "First there is not enough meat before and now there are not enough veggies. I think we need to start a dieting committee at this rate."

"All you need is meat! Plenty of meat for muscles for the body!" The familiar yell of Leonidas echos as he comes into view.

"I fail to understand why you two are so worried about more meat or more vegetables. Either way, this is what we have on hand so deal with it." Noah sighs, knowing that in the past as long as you had food in the stomach few cared so the redhead could not help but be curious about why heroes of the past would be so concerned with nutrition.

What Noah and most of the Chaldea staff did not know is that certain Servants decided to take their contracts a bit more serious than others, The King of Knights and The King of Sparta are just the two who took it even beyond that by borrowing Roman's books on health and diet. Then there was Mashu who literally nosedived into anything that could help her little Masters out. No doubts the Shielder would be here debating with the two kings if not checking on Mozart, who wished to be alone, on the edge of camp.

However, it still amuses the children who watch the adults argue about food. Both were smiling as they tore through their plate. Before they even realized it, they had to ask their uncle for seconds.

Without Arturia even realizing, everything reverted to the usual before her battle with her own knight earlier today.

"What we do now…" Noah thinks on the words both Ren and Shiri both mentioned to Boudica as he stared at his still mostly filled plate of food as if it was a wonder of his own. "It looks they took your words to heart. Sure I seriously thought they were too young to understand those words but it seems they may be growing faster than even we thought… is it their birth or our raising of them that brought them to this point?"

Noah did not understand, but he hopes it is the latter and not something the Harweys did. The monsters he worked with had messed up the world enough… to mess with the hearts of children however was a sin even his disgusting and vile self would not dare do. He won't deny his sins but neither will he atone for them. What's done is done and there is no way even a wish on the Holy Grail will fix any of it. He refuses to have his soul transferred over to a doll. It's his sin to bear, no one can take it. Only his flesh and bones can do so.

"I don't deserve something like that. I've already trampled and killed enough innocence." Noah sighs as the surrounding people enjoy each others' company. If the tired warrior had to be honest, he felt like a ghost among the living and happy times like this made him this way…. It caused too many old, yet pleasant, memories to dwell at the forefront of his mind. Working or drinking made it more bearable. That or fighting soon afterwards. "Whatever happened to the Noah that fought and defied his way to a position of power, the very same Noah who wanted something more?"

Parts of that man still existed and appeared when the little ones were around. That or when in battle as his blood boiled in excitement. The jokes and smart remarks are part of his core but at times the traits felt faded even if they shined brightly. His Defiance and lust for more, even now, still continues to lead him forward even if only fragments of his past remains but still it felt as if-

"Master." The regal feminine voice belonging to his Servant Saber cuts into his dark thoughts like a brutal blade, something Noah is grateful for as it keeps him from sinking into the swirl of darkness of the past and focused on the present. People say they hate having a voice resound in their head but for Noah it helped keep him alert. Perhaps even Saber felt the feelings over the connection and merely chose this moment to butt in before they overwhelmed him? "More have appeared."

"How many more?" Noah asks like the hardened soldier he is, ready to leap once he has all the information.

"There were twenty more. Archer and I removed them before they could get too close." Saber reports the facts straight and doesn't stray off as some may have in her situation. Her emotions are tranquil yet fierce as ever. However the usual repressed anger and bloodlust he feels from Saber is somewhat stronger than usual and he knows why as he allows his Servant to continue her report with a mental nod. "All of them were once children before the creatures spawned from their flesh."

"I see." Despite himself, the redhead releases a breath of anger. "No adult hosts again. I'll head there shortly to examine the remains and help bury them. Have Archer help us with the clean up this time… I'd rather not get anyone here involved at the moment."

Noah squeezes his metal utensil hard, happy that his prided strength is still enough to bend it in half than flat. He does not show any of the emotions underneath his scarred skin as he'd rather not alert anyone, at least not until the children are asleep, of the attack. He stands and notes Jeanne is looking at him with guilt in her eyes, knowing why Noah was moving and intending to follow. With a slight shake of his head Noah refuses Jeanne's company. Unlike what the Pioneer of French Artillery may think, Noah does not blame her in the least. She was neither the cause of the torture nor the pain those twenty children suffered. Nor was it her fault that over eighty had suffered throughout the prior two nights. He knows who caused this thanks to Saber telling him; how she remembers the many past Grail Wars she took part in so clearly is strange among Servants, even if it's useful. He knows who he must have his sword tear, his teeth dig into their neck, his fist pummel, and his friend's guns and weaponry mow down the maggots who try to get in the way of that goal.

He knows who he must kill in order to preserve his beloved nieces' innocence. He must have either Saber or himself, even with his weakened body, kill them before they encounter Ren and Shiri further destroying their view of the world.

"Tomorrow will be a fine day to be human." Noah mutters as he quietly leaves the peaceful bright company to slink into the company of darkness and of like-minded individuals.

"Stay close Shiri, Ren!" The children hear Mashu yell as she blocks another one of the wyverns' attacks. Arturia capitalizes on the opening, using her lance as a club to knock the offending beast away. Even if there are as many as there are flies on rotting fruit they still failed to compare to the large dragon Fafnir, who was bigger than most smaller fortifications and homes in this era. Thankfully, both Ren and Shiri were far from the dragon, instead they were near the soldiers who came out of nowhere to help Jeanne. The sounds of cannons and screeching wyverns combined with Fafnir's frightened roars as Siegfried approached with Jeanne, George, and a certain Fake Arturia.

Further away was a hellish scene of carnage. One that was comprised of azure fire and sound waves that rattled the earth even though some people were far away. The Servants and the children all knew the two Servants causing the situation but did nothing save give some sympathy to the poor souls of the soldiers that were nearly caught in the vicinity as they clamped their ears shut.

One could only pity Leonidas who decided to help spare…no help protect the soldiers from ally fire.

"Everything is still so loud!" Ren cries, not of fear of the battlefield, but of noises. Even if she was somewhat used to guns going off, the sounds currently around her were something she was not used to causing her to put one hand over the special earplugs Chaldea gave the poor child despite them muting some of the noise.

"Just… it will be fine Ren, this battle will be over soon." Arturia tries to comfort as she blocks and kills another of these flying annoyances. The fact that they far from the main fighting didn't matter with these numbers of flying beasts, the numbers were so significant that they blocked out the sun's light. Arturia was confident her Noble Phantasm could clear at least twenty percent of the wyverns but if she did that she would become a liability when the remaining eighty percent attacked. As such, all Arturia and Mashu could do was defeat or fend off the ones nearby.

The children, while not having extensive knowledge in tactics, can tell that eventually someone will get hurt. The possibility of them being hurt is much lower than Arturia or Mashu. The two have light wounds but sooner or later they will get hurt. The Berserker they promised to keep in spirt form growls loudly in their minds wishing to released. They could not tell what the mad warrior felt underneath their frustration and madness. However, even if both Ren and Shiri felt nervous about their chances, she refrained from letting the mad warrior loose. The two had promised not to allow the Berserker free rein unless absolutely necessary. These nervous thoughts stopped Ren in her tracks for a moment allowing a wyvern to break through the protective barrier the Shielder and Lancer provided as they cried out for the pigtailed girls' safety. In a few moments Ren would be carried off and possibly killed if no one intervened.

If only the children knew of the incident last night who knew how it would affect it them. However, the mad warrior watched it all, heard all it through the Archer's eyes because the Servants were all connected by the same contract. The children would die like the puppets they had become. This angered the mad warrior to the point that it could barely tolerate it. Despite the madness that clouded the mind, he had enough rational thought to want to run towards the cause of their rage and destroy it until nothing remained. The cause of that horrible crime should be punished, but at the same time the warrior's summoners were children as well.

It does not matter if his small bit of sanity compels him to redeem the dead children what matters despite his mad enhancement being lower than his usual summons his pride was always apparent.

No matter the cost, children should not be harmed, nor should they be put in harm's way like Chaldea and the irredeemable monster that made those children into walking suitcases. Chaldea, the warrior had learned while imprisoned, had no choice in the matter.

Therefore, to prevent a crime he himself once committed the warrior uses his will to manifest himself out of spirt form grabbing the approaching beast by the neck shocking everyone who witnessed it. The dark-hided hand belonging to the giant that easily towered over any person in this era, his wild untamed long black hair waves itself into existence, his red eyes glow with rage and madness as the Berserker releases a roar akin to a savage beast as he slams the wyvern to the ground with brunt strength and like an unskilled butcher slams a stone ax-sword into the wyvern exposed back. Even while dying it provided the Berserker a perfect projectile as the mad giant throws the beast into it's surprised kin giving the two women a chance to breathe as Berserker starts his mad rampage.

"So… cool…." Shiri manages to get out as she instinctively drags her shocked sister by the shoulder. Arturia places herself between the children and the rampaging warrior as Mashu was still busy fighting off several other wyverns that are still trying to kill the two Masters. Fully expecting to block debris from Berserker's rampage, it surprise Arturia that the mad warrior seems controlled in his actions. To be safe however Arturia makes sure the children take several steps back. Many of the wyverns once attacking them now focus on Berserker, making it much easier for the Lancer and the Shielder to protect their charges.

Between waves Arturia can see that Berserker seems to have a sense of self as the warrior briefly looks back at Ren and Shiri before he releases a mad roar at more wyverns approaching from the air. Before the flying beasts could even get into striking distance, a bright green light shines not far in the distance along with the familiar sounds of a dying dragon as its massive body fell to the ground, fading into a dark fog like it never existed. Many wyverns flew away, their leader dead. Sadly, while there were cheers from Ren and Shiri, no one else was cheering right now for they knew now that the flying beasts were leaderless, if they escaped, the destruction would still be hard to deal with. The cannon fire continued making Ren jump onto Arturia's leg like a frightened cat, not expecting the noise.

"Where is uncle…" Ren murmurs into Arturia's armored covered leg, the Berserker stares down at the children and with a small grumble disappears into spirt form quickly. Through Arturia's connection with her masters she realizes why he left. Her realization is enforced when Ren releases a loud yawn and Shiri rubs her eyes. Even if Chaldea is handling at least twenty to thirty percent of the required magical energy for all the servants contracted with Chaldea, most of the strain still falls onto the two children. Even if it's against her armored leg Arturia can still feel the rumbles of hunger from Ren's stomach.

"It is okay… I am sure he will be here soon." Arturia soothes as Ren nods quietly, her cheeks cool as she leans against Arturia.

"I'm hungry…" Ren says.

"Too bad Arturia ate all the leftovers this morning…" Shiri groans.

With a small sigh, as the Lancer knows the children helped her and Mashu finish what they left of the food last night Arturia reaches toward Ren as Shiri toddles tiredly forward, Mashu quickly scooping her up. Not knowing how to work the communication device, Arturia waits for Mashu to remove the watch from the redheaded child's wrist.

"Senp- Noah can you hear me?" Mashu calls into the watch. Instead of Noah, Roman is the one who answers.

"Mashu, is that you?" Roman answers looking very confused and anxious. While they have been communicating on and off with each other during battle, it is much harder to do. Roman and his coworkers can only watch, giving advice only when it's truly needed. If they interrupt at the wrong moment, it could cost Noah and the girls their lives.

"Why are you answering? Where is Noah?" Arturia questions as Ren tiredly listens in while her sister is yawning. Despite the other servants still fighting to protect the French soldiers, they are using their own reserves to fight, sensing the massive drain from Berserker fighting.

"Um well about that… he and his Servant stopped fighting Fafnir and stormed the castle following the dark Jeanne…" Roman trails off.

"So have they secured the Grail?" Mashu asks. It makes sense to chase down The Dragon Witch to secure the grail. They cannot allow it to fall into someone else's hands.

"No, they engaged in combat with another Servant… a Caster by the looks of it. You need to assist them!" Roman sighs at Noah's headstrong approach. While he can understand not wanting to taint the children's innocence more than needed going nearly alone after a wounded foe just spells trouble.

Even if everyone knows who Caster is, bringing up the name Bluebeard would still make the children in their tired state curious resulting in a possibly more curious probe when they get to Chaldea. No one can blame Noah's inclination to go after him.

"Very well we will-" Mashu is about to answer when Arturia speaks ahead of her. She saw the worry in the children's eyes and the exhaustion and slight fright on Mashu shoulders. Arturia may not be the perfect hero that the children read in their books but she is still a hero and a knight .

She also has those expectations to answer at the very least. The children don't have to say a thing as Arturia decides the best course of action.

"I will go and help them. You stay here and help the others Mashu." Arturia whispers as she sets Ren down.

"What but I am-!" Mashu can only yell as the Lancer runs toward the castle without waiting for her to finish, leaping over numerous obstacles to reach her objective. The ruined and damaged walls were barely noticed save for the sounds of further destruction inside. The smell of fresh corpses created a dreadful atmosphere. Somehow even wyverns squeezed into the ruined cracked halls that were once a pristine castle. Smears of fresh green fluids of strange octopi creatures led Arturia even deeper into the castle. It was only when she heard the sounds of flesh meeting metal that Arturia found the ones she was supposed to assist. Only to find that they have the situation… under control despite the way Noah looks like a living corpse with green fluid coming from his mouth. Fading black armor belonging to Jeanne Alter sat on the throne before fading from sight

"Eat shit and die… you… bastard. Your mistake was pissing me off." Noah groans out painfully as the cracking of knees unwillingly brings him to the ichor covered stone floor as the body of their enemy falls away like dust. The sounds of creaking wood comes from Noah's arms as he gasps out, unable to move them in a way to help him stand up. The remnants of his communication device falls off his battered arm. His Servant, Arturia's altered counterpart, watches on impassively from the corner of her golden eyes as she removes her blade from the skull from the oddly dressed man, most likely the Caster she was warned about as the corpse also fades away."Ugh damn familiar tasted like shit taken off the road, deep fried, then forced down my gullet."

"Our deal… will you honor it?" The Saber asks with a heavy step of her black armor to fully face Noah. Dissipating her sword, she crosses her arms. The look on the Saber's face exactly one Arturia wore when she knew a lord would betray their oath.

"Yes… for this favor…" Noah croaks out even with the distance Arturia would even hear the redhead's lungs creaking as they draw in air. "After… everything."

"Hm… I must believe you, for now. Go back on it and you will suffer a fate worse than death." The Saber's eyes turn toward Arturia. "I never figured myself for one to hide. Come out."

"I'll have you know I came as reinforcements." Arturia says with annoyance.

"Then you know better than to intrude on another Master and Servant's private dealings." The Alter holds up the grail before tossing it to her older counterpart. "The Grail is ours let us return."

"Before you… ask… it looks a lot worse… than it is. Seems Roman… thought I was in danger." Noah huffs before creakingly standing up. However, his arms refuse to move much as he stands the shallow wounds leak blood onto the ground without much thought. "I'll… be better… in a while."

"… Ren and Shiri were worried about you. I have no doubts they will be happy to see you, alive, after the stunt you pulled." Arturia knows she has no rights to lecture considering the lie she fed the two children but nevertheless as their Servant she needs to say something.

"Would you send children to meet a monster that kills children?" Noah questions with a glare. It's his first complete sentence spoken, just to show how much the question means.

"…" Arturia says nothing as the three stand in utter silence. Yes, the children might have had to witness Bluebeard if the Servants marched in here in arms. But there was a chance of the enemy having something more than just wyverns to send with a grail in hand. There were more than this option however and by the looks of Noah's eyes he thought much the same.

"Thought as much. Still, thanks for the heads up…." Noah gasps as gold dust lines the three's feet, a sign that the Singularity had been resolved and was now sending foreign elements back to Chaldea. "I knew I could… rely on you to keep them safe."

"I am their hero. I must at least meet that standard." Arturia replies back as their legs slowly fade away.

"Good… let me let you in on a little secret about the girls though. Something only their uncle would know." Noah makes a faint smile as Arturia's stern expression shows confusion. This situation was not something to smile of, not with what awaits them back in Chaldea.

"Like their mother they are good at getting back at others." The dread in the Lancer's eyes was the last thing Noah saw before they fully disappeared from Orléans.

Next Chapter: A Small Luxury

A/N:

I suppose I should explain why I have not updated in such a long time. A long story short a family member of mine got cancer…more specifically breasts cancer. So I had to help them for a time while taking care of my own life. Made it hard to get anything done writing wise. So now hopefully things will change with the huge bump in the road gone!

Also I hope quality has not declined due to be absent this long. But I highly doubt it is due to my friend Sliverbug28 who writes amazing stories and is even a more amazing editor. Happy New Years and have a great day!