I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas and New Year! Here is the next installment :) I hope you enjoy it :D
The earpiece began to warm against Cora's ear as she listened to the relief in her husband's voice after telling him that Mary was awake. The way his voice had lifted from the post-sleep haze that gripped him had made her smile hard because she knew exactly what he was feeling, and she was glad that it would mean he would feel better in himself. Having been his wife for so long she knew the little tells of her husband, and she knew that he had blamed himself in a way for what had happened; it was what he did. The memory she had of Robert's face when he first laid eyes on Mary filled her brain, his cheeks sitting high as his mouth stretched as far up and open as it would allow. The way he spoke reminded her of that moment because she could hear the elation in his voice.
"I'm so relieved," he beamed, knowing that the biggest part was her consciousness as a tell for how she was. "I'm thrilled."
"Of course," Cora cooed, the smile planted firmly on her face. "How did you sleep?"
"In all honesty, my dear, it was a strange sleep. My body is craving for me to curl up in a ball like a bear and sleep through winter but my brain is a torrent of questions and worries. I think that this news will help me into the deepest sleep I've possibly ever experienced. How did she seem when she woke?" Robert's voice was still a bit raspy as he spoke.
Cora paused and thought back to Mary, her expression still a little distant and flat, but she had to remind herself that she had just awoken and been through a tough experience. "I'm not sure what I was expecting or what is normal, to be honest. I mean, she seems fine, a little withdrawn but she's just come back to us so is that how she should be? I don't know. I don't feel that I can leave her yet though, there's something still not sitting right with me and I want to make sure she's ok."
Robert didn't come back to her straight away and she could tell that he was thinking and processing. There was a light exhale down the line and she heard him clear his throat. "What is it?" he questioned.
"I want to ask her why, Robert. It's the big question, isn't it? Why did our daughter choose to act in the way she did? I'm so very glad she's ok, but now that she's with us I want to know why. Am I wrong?" Cora pressed, feeling a little foolish at asking the question as if she wasn't content with the fact that Mary was back, and wanting to get answers now.
"My darling, you are not. I feel the same, but let's not push her just yet. Let her get her bearings back, make sure that Dr Clarkson is happy and we can cross that bridge then." The line went quiet as they processed each other's words.
"I'm going to come over right away. I think that Mrs Hughes wanted to visit Carson so I'll see if she is awake. Is there much news on him at the moment?"
Cora sighed. "No, Robert. I can't believe the state of him. Do we know what happened?"
"No, I'm afraid not. There was a broken branch nearby so I can only assume that it was due to the storm. I'm glad that he's alive though, and I hope we can get him back on his feet too. Lord knows we need him around the house for a few more years to come."
"Of course. I wouldn't want the task of having to replace him after all these years." Cora let out a yawn and exhaled deeply. "I'll see you when you get here. I must get back."
"Of course. How are you, my darling? Robert queried, hearing the strain in her voice, knowing she was likely running on empty after the many hours of adrenaline-driven emotional turmoil. A lot of people had no doubt mocked him because he had chosen to take her as his wife, but it were times like these that he felt proud of her and glad he had made that decision.
"I'm fine, just feeling the tired now. The relief of her waking up has drained the energy from me. And before you ask, no, I'm going to stay a bit longer. So I'll see you soon." Cora said firmly, but playfully, knowing that it was going to no doubt be his next query.
"Yes," Robert hesitated, thinking about how best to reason with his wife so she could get some rest. "I could sit with her in a shift? At least then you can take some time to give yourself some energy back."
"I'll see," she said, smiling through the phone at him. "If anything, the hospital is full of beds if I need to take a lie down when you're here. It's not beneath me, Robert."
"I love you," he gushed, feeling so full of love and pride at how strong his wife had been. The strain after the loss of Sybil had affected them quite deeply, but they got through it, and the pair of them had struggled at the idea of potentially losing Mary. Robert had faltered a few times, it felt, but Cora seemed to run off an iron core. They always say that women were emotional and this was one of the reasons why they didn't fight in the war, or so he had heard, but it hadn't been the first time that the women around him had lead with such iron strength. There was deep stability to women that men could not do without, and it was time that the world understood this he felt. Robert supposed the girls got it from his mother and their mother and knew that they would one day be a force to be reckoned with once they had the estate in their hands. Edith may not be taking the helm like Mary, but she had her opinions and would make her contributions no matter how small.
"I love you too." Cora put the phone down and turned with a wry smile on her face. The whole situation that had passed had made her feel closer to her husband and that made her happy. The years hadn't been kind to them and they had been through many ups and downs, but in times like these when he showed his love for his children, and her, it made a warmth bubble in her that felt like it could feed her for eternity.
Doctor Clarkson walked around the corner and stopped to the side of Cora, he kept his gaze strong and calm. Cora liked him, because he was always so level headed and honest, and did what was right for them all. Nothing seemed too much trouble. They had had their disagreements in the past over things, but the man had a core of gold. "My Lady," he said pleasantly, placing his hands behind his back. There were a few things that he wanted to check with Mary, see how her vitals were performing and reflexes and see how she was within herself. "Shall we?"
The pair of them set off side by side, walking through the narrow corridor with their shoulders almost touching each other and the walls beside them, narrowly missing their shoulders as they walked. The silence was not awkward, and they both let their thoughts run through their head as the moments passed. Clarkson, thinking about Mary and her condition wondered to himself before turning his head to look at Cora. "How did she seem when she was awake?"
"Distant I suppose. I mean, she didn't seem to show any ill-effects from what happened, but she still seems so very unhappy." Cora's brows furrowed slightly and she gazed off into the distance where the window sat. "She'll be ok won't she?"
Dr Clarkson took a moment to ponder the meaning to Cora's question, fearing that there were two sides to the coin. "Physically, I think she'll be fine. I'll check her vitals and we can monitor her closely. Mentally? Those wounds can carry on healing for years. In the war, trauma could have life-altering changes to someone's mental state and capacity. Grief may not be the same as what they experience in the war, but we have all seen either first hand within ourselves or from people around us that people react differently. It'll take time, I suppose, but how much time I could not tell you. I have a friend who might be worth contacting if things don't get any better for her. I've not spoken to him in a while but I know that he specialised in a form of psychiatry that fits into this remit. I could contact him?"
Cora's face scrunched up. "Aren't they for people who are… insane?"
Dr Clarkson smiled. "No. The study of the brain and mind, why we are the way we are, why we act the way we act and all sorts of brain analytics are becoming quite an investigated area these days. They are saying there is so much more that we don't know about the brain. It's very interesting. I think that if we have to if we see no success, it might be worth a shot." Dr Clarkson paused and stopped walking, noticing that the ward was now in view. "May I say something?"
Cora locked eyes with him to gauge his reaction before speaking. "Of course."
"I think the grief took hold and made her do something that she would never normally do. I've known your daughter since she was small and she has always been the most head-strong person, even when she was a young child. I think we should keep her here for as long as both you, I and Mary allows it. At least then she's in a controlled environment where there is always someone around to help."
"At home, there is always someone to help. I'd feel much happier if she was with us at home." Cora felt a little disjointed at the idea of Mary being away from home for so long. It dawned on her though somewhat, that she had been at home for months and that hadn't helped her in her situation and could have made her do what she had done.
"There are a lot of memories there for her, it might do her some good to get herself together away from the constant reminder of Matthew." Dr Clarkson moved his hands back to the front of him. "We will do whatever it takes."
"I think that might be a good idea," a soft voice came from behind them, and they could see Isobel's eyes reflect a pang of pain as she locked eyes with Dr Clarkson. Silence sat between them for a few seconds before Isobel righted herself and smiled, pushing the obvious memory of her son to one side as best she could. "I thought it best to come and see if there was anything that I could do."
Dr Clarkson grimaced slightly, averting his gaze to a light fixture above them. Isobel Crawley was a warm and lovely woman, always wanting to help and to do what she can for the greater good of the people around her. When it came down to the way she was when it came to the hospital, it wound him up because her way was right, and that was simply the end of it.
"I've been ever so worried," Isobel said calmly, undoing the top button of her jacket as they stood still near the doorway to the ward. "I had thought about getting some rest, after being so restless all night, but I couldn't so I went out to have a walk and thought I would come here to see if there was anything I can do."
Dr Clarkson smiled vacantly. "There isn't much to be done at the moment. Mary is awake so I'm going to go and see how she is."
"Oh, what a relief," Isobel said happily. "Oh, that's great, isn't it? What about Carson?"
"Still no change," Dr Clarkson said. "The wound to his head has been stitched up and cleaned, so it's just a matter of time now I am hoping."
The three of them walked into the room, all expecting to see Mary sat quietly in her bed, awake and alert. When they got into the room, they saw an empty bed, the sheets folded over where she had flung them open to get up. The was a murmur of worry out of Cora's mouth as she turned herself to get a look of the room, her face crumpled with worry, her eyes wide as her brain kicked into its initial reasoning. Had Mary ran away again? The first chance she had? Had Cora been foolish to leave her alone, knowing that there was a chance she could do it?
Dr Clarkson kicked into gear right away. "You've only been out of the room for around 10 minutes maybe? She won't have gotten far. I'll quickly go outside and see if she's there."
Isobel placed her hand on Cora's arm. "I'll check the other floor. Cora, if you want to check this floor. We will find her."
Cora blinked, feeling a little dazed and sick to her stomach. The adrenaline had kicked in, but because she was feeling so exhausted it left her feeling peculiar. "Yes. Of course." Cora put her hands up to her eyes momentarily and took a deep breath. "Right."
All three of them went their separate ways, their thoughts circling and zooming at the potential reason for Mary's absence. Mary had to be somewhere, and there were more people around now to hopefully notice if she had gotten out of the hospital.
Isobel walked into the first room, her eyes wandering to every bed, every corner and every conceivable place that a slender human such as Mary could hide. When she was confident that the room was empty of her being she moved onto the next, and the next. There was a room at the bottom of the corridor that she realised instantly would likely be the location of her daughter-in-law. The room at the bottom was the men's ward, she had spent lots of time in and out of there over the years and thought that perhaps that Mary hadn't purposefully gone anywhere but to see Carson. Feeling confident in her thought process, Isobel ignored the room in the middle of her position and the other room and walked towards it.
The hospital itself was quiet at the moment and so the distinct sniffling sound echoed enough for Isobel to hear as she walked towards the threshold of the room. Peeping her head around the corner she could make out the petite outline of Mary, who was sitting, her posture defeated, with her hands wrapped tightly around Carson's. Isobel knew of Mary and Carson's relationship from random conversations with Matthew, but it was always in passing and something she hadn't paid much attention to. Even then, Matthew only noted it as such and never went into much detail anyway. Isobel was not accustomed to the ways of the aristocratic lifestyle, and so when it came to their upbringing she had only seen what had been laid out for her grandson and little Sybbie. Isobel didn't need much help in her home anymore, but she supposed that having someone like Carson around from a young age would have some sort of influence on a child growing up in the big house. It was apparent, though, that the normal hierarchy had missed certain places in Downton with Mary and Carson being a prime example. It was warming to see though because there had been times that the stiffness to the family's lives had been difficult for her to swallow.
Isobel walked slowly up to the bed and knelt at Mary's side, not something she supposed anyone would expect of her. "Oh, my dear," she said softly. "We were worried when you weren't in your bed."
Mary looked up, startled by the voice in the room. "Oh, Cousin Isobel," she sniffed, trying to wipe the tears away from her eyes. "I just came to see Carson."
Fumbling for a handkerchief, Isobel pulled one out and handed it to Mary, smiling softly as she did. "He'll be ok, Mary."
Mary blinked, a tear spilling from her eyes and down her cheek. As it fell she bowed her head to try and hide its descent, her hands keeping Carson's hands tightly in hers. Mary gave it a few moments before letting go of his hands and pushing herself to her feet. "I best get back."
Isobel rose with her before blocking Mary's exit by standing in front of her. "There's no rush. I can tell Cora where you are. Please, stay with him if it helps."
Mary couldn't raise her eyes to meet Isobel so she nodded silently, hesitating as she did. The whole few days had been almost as hard as the moment she found out about Matthew. The amalgamation of feelings and emotions had intertwined into her core and made her feel as if she was spinning into a black hole. What she wanted was a relief, and it seemed the only way she was going to feel that was to know that Carson was going to be ok.
Isobel knelt back down again and took Mary's hand. "You'll be ok. Carson will be ok."
Mary nodded before exhaling hard, trying to keep herself together. "He has to be," she whispered.
Isobel touched a bracelet that she had on her wrist, a gift that Matthew had given her for her birthday a few years before. Since he had passed she had found herself touching and toying with it often, a warm reminder of his generosity and love. Isobel unclasped it and opened Mary's hand. "Take this."
Mary looked at Isobel with a puzzled expression on her face. "What is it?"
"Matthew gave me this for my birthday several years ago after my husband passed away. When he did he wrote me a note that he placed carefully in the box. Do you know what it said? It said, wear this bracelet as a sign of my love to you and know that one day the sun will shine again. Storm clouds don't last forever, and when they leave the sun seems at its brightest. Beautiful, wasn't it? I want you to have this dear because the sun will shine again as our Matthew promised. You will get through this. We both will get through this, for George and Matthew." Isobel's eyes glazed over with tears as she smiled at Mary.
"I can't take this from you. Matthew gifted it to you and I don't want to take that away. It's beautiful, and I thank you so very much, but Matthew wanted you to have it." Mary lifted it carefully and handed it over to Isobel.
"No, child. If you won't take it, then keep it until the sun shines for you once more. Allow it to be a reminder of Matthew's positive outlook. When you feel better, give it back to me." Isobel pushed her hand away and nodded.
Mary looked at it once it was close to her. "I fear if Carson doesn't make it, the sun will never shine." Mary paused and wrapped her hands around the bracelet and brought it up to her chest. "I don't think I could lose another too," she whispered, her eyes filling with tears once more. "I can't lose another."
Isobel stood herself up and put her arm tightly around Mary. "Carson is strong and stubborn, like you. Dr Clarkson and the staff here are going to do whatever they can."
Both women allowed themselves a moment before Isobel let Mary go. "Oh," she said quite dramatically. "I must let Cora know that you're ok. When you weren't in your bed they thought you had gone out again."
Mary grimaced. "I suppose that's just. After all, I have put everyone through."
"It's fine, dear. I'll go and let her know where you are. Shall I get them to come here?" Isobel began walking to the doorway.
"No. I'll follow in a moment," Mary said, putting the bracelet on carefully. "I'll just stay a moment longer."
Isobel nodded, watching as Mary traced her fingers over the jewels in the bracelet. Isobel had hoped that she had done something helpful like she always did, but she supposed that time would tell. Matthew was in their cores, so she knew just how awful Mary was feeling. It seemed right that they could find solace in something together, and although it was small, the bracelet was a reflection of something they both needed, and that was hope.