Chapter 14

Natasha woke up later the next morning than her usual time and the spot next to her was empty. James had been too scared to sleep in Morgan's room and had slept in Natasha's bed. She understood it. A strange house could be creepy for a child. She could smell bacon and heard voices from downstairs, so she wasn't too worried about James. She slipped into a comfy robe and slippers, put her hair into a high bun and walked to the kitchen.

Steve was at the stove, flipping pancakes, and James was sitting in his high chair, watching his father.

"Good morning!" Natasha chuckled and went over to James to kiss the top of his head.

"Morning, mama!"

"Good morning, Nat."

Steve and James were already dressed and Natasha felt a bit weird in only her PJs and a robe. She double checked if the robe was closed before she sat down at the breakfast nook.

"I hope you're happy with pancakes and bacon." Steve came over to fill her mug with coffee.

"Pancaaaapes!" James squealed and looked at his father with big eyes. "Want pancapes! Please, daddy!"

"Okay, okay." Steve laughed. "Be patient, buddy. I hope it was okay that I got James ready? He was already awake when I peeked into your room."

"Yes, of course. I don't know why I slept so long. I must have been more tired than I thought I was."

"Mommy, can we go snowman?" James asked her while she drank her coffee. "Daddy said to ask you."

"Sure, baby. I'll just have to get ready after breakfast and then we can build a snowman."

Steve put two big plates with pancakes and bacon on the table and Natasha helped James cut his pancapes before she ate her own breakfast. James munched happily and babbled about the snowman they were going to build.

"I'm so glad that Frozen isn't as popular as it used to be." Steve said. "Thank God James was born ten years after that snowman song."

"Snowman song?" James looked at his father. "Sing!"

"Uh..."

Natasha snorted, she was curious about how Steve got out of this.

"Your mother is the singer in the family."

She glared at Steve while James begged her to sing the song for him.

"I don't really remember, baby." She lied because she didn't want to have it stuck in her head all day. "We have to get a tree today." She told James to distract him and it worked since he was now babbling about putting cutlery into the tree. Well, it was shiny. She gave him that.

She got ready for the day while Steve cleaned up the kitchen (and James) and then they got out of the house to build a snowman in the garden. James was having the time of his life and Natasha had a fun as well. Thanks to the all the snow and Steve's strength, they managed to build a snowman that was even taller than Steve. James was lifted up by his father to stick the carrot into Frosty's face and Natasha took a ton of photos of James and his new friend.

They changed into new (not wet) clothes and drove to the nearest town to get a Christmas tree. Natasha was a bit anxious that there wouldn't be any good looking ones left since it was only four days until Christmas Eve, but they had luck. They found a great one that would fit perfectly into the living room and James was already excited to decorate the tree.

Natasha wasn't sure if the people at the tree farm recognized them, but the look on their faces when Steve got the 6'5 tree onto the roof of the car all by himself was kind of hilarious.

They drove back to the house, had a light lunch and then Natasha put on some Christmas music and they started to decorate the house and tree. It was nice to do this as a family. James made sure to show his dad every ornament that he'd picked for the tree and smiled happily, when Steve complimented his choice.

James needed a nap and she managed to put him down for one in Morgan's room and got to the kitchen to make dinner. She decided to make a simple chickpea stew and got the ingredients out of the pantry.

Steve joined her and asked her if she needed any help. She gladly put him in charge of potato peeling since she hated that with a burning passion.

"I think James really likes it here." Steve said while they were both standing at the kitchen isle chopping food.

"Yeah. Me, too. I'm really looking forward to that Christmas market. I read that they offer dog sledding. I really wanna do that."

"Can we do that with James?"

"Maybe?" Natasha shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not sure. But I think so?"

"We'll look into it before we tell him about it." Steve said, picking up another potato to peel it.

We. We'll look into it. Natasha wasn't on her own anymore. She was part of a team now. Someone else who loved James more than anything in the world. It felt good.

"You okay, Nat?"

"Yeah." She checked the temperature of the pot and then threw the chopped onions into it.

Natasha woke up the next morning at her usual time and took a long and hot shower before she got to James's room ( he had been brave enough last night to sleep there) to wake him up and get him ready for the day. Today they would check out the Christmas village and Natasha was actually pretty excited about it.

The door was wide open and she saw that Steve was already in the room and talking to James.

"Will mama like present?"

"She's gonna love it, buddy." Steve helped James out of the bed. "I know it."

"Good." James nodded seriously and Natasha wondered what James (most likely with the financial help of Steve) had gotten her. "Santa know we're not home?"

"Yes, James. Don't worry. Santa always knows where all the kids are."

"Creepy." James decided and then his eyes landed on her. "Mama!"

"Hi, baby. Good morning!" She walked into the room to pick up James and kiss him. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes!"

"Morning, Nat!" Steve gave her a bright smile and she couldn't help but to return it.

"Good morning."

Steve told them that he would make breakfast and Natasha helped their son get ready for the day. She knew better than to tell him what they had planned today, because otherwise he wouldn't want to eat his breakfast.

They got into the car after breakfast, only telling James that they wanted to explore the area. He sang his own versions of famous Christmas songs and she and Steve shared more than one amused look. She was probably biased but James had to be the most adorable kid ever.

James was gasping and squealing when they reached the Christmas village. It was looked amazing. If she didn't know any better, she would think that Santa Clause was living here. The houses were beautifully decorated, there were Christmas trees everywhere and everything was covered in snow. It was just perfect.

"Santa here? He lives here?!" James wanted to know.

Natasha checked and knew that there would be a Santa in the village. "Who knows. Maybe we'll see and you can talk to him."

"Really?" James gasped and got fussy in his car seat, signaling that he wanted to get out of the car.

Natasha barely managed to catch James before he could run away to check out everything for himself. She picked him up and handed him over to Steve so he wouldn't get lost. A lot of people were here and Natasha didn't want to lose sight on her son.

Their first stop was the reindeer petting zoo and James was almost losing his mind, causing her and Steve to laugh. He asked the other reindeer where Rudolph was, and was only happy when he'd petted every reindeer and his parents had taken a photo of him with each animal.

James sat on Steve's shoulders while they looked for Santa. They found him in "Santa's workshop" surrounded by elves and more reindeer. There was a line, but it wasn't too long and after some waiting, James could finally talk to Santa.

Natasha stood in front of them, a few feet away, to take photos of the whole thing. Steve was by her side, taking photos with his own phone.

"He looks happy."

She nodded. "He is."

"All I want for you and James is to be happy." He looked deeply into her eyes and something in her chest fluttered again. "Whatever you two want, I will give it to you."

"Steve-"

"Mama, look it's Santa!"

She looked back at James who was still sitting on Santa's lap and waving. "I know, baby. But I think the other kids will talk to him, too."

"Okay, mama." He thanked Santa and then hopped off his lap, running straight to her and Steve. Her heart always grew two sizes when he came running towards her with a big smile on his face.

He hugged her legs. "I'm hungry."

She laughed at his bluntness and picked him. Steve spotted crepes and James had his first one, almost shocked that the pancapes were so thin, but he still seemed to enjoy them, judging by the way he was trying to steal some of his father's lunch.

Natasha had earlier spotted some stalls that sold decorations and other little trinkets and she wanted to take a look at them. James wanted to hold her hand and together they walked over to the stalls with Steve in tow. Their son oohed and awed and charmed the lady who sold toasted almonds to give him some for free. But Natasha didn't miss how Steve gave her some money when James wasn't looking.

They stopped at a stall that sold tree ornaments and Natasha couldn't believe when she saw that they sold handmade Avengers ornaments. Her gaze lingered on the Hawkeye one. God, she missed Clint so fucking much. She wished so badly for him to be still here. James tugged on her hand, but she barely paid any attention to him. Christmas had been Clint's favorite time of the year. It wasn't fair that Clint was gone.

"Are you okay, ma'am?"

She looked at the seller and only realized then that she was crying.

"Christmas always makes her sentimental. Don't worry." Steve pulled her into his arms. "We'd like to buy a set of the Avengers ornaments."

"Good choice, sir."

She felt Steve press a kiss on the top of her head and she buried herself more into his hug. She had needed his comfort and support after Clint's death so much, that one night after the battle where he'd held her in his arms hadn't been enough, and she realized that she still needed his comfort and support. She felt safe in his arms, she didn't feel so alone anymore.

"Mommy?" James asked quietly and hugged her leg. "Mommy?"

"Mommy's fine, James. She's just a little bit sad." Steve told her son. He kissed her head one more time before he let go off her to pay for their purchase.

James tried to crawl up her leg and she picked him up and he brushed her tears away with his little hands. "Luv you, mama."

"I love you, too. I just miss your uncle Clint."

Her son nodded and kissed her cheek. She couldn't help but smile. James always knew what she needed.

"Hey." Steve said softly, the paper bag with the Avengers ornaments in his hand. She was touched that he'd bought them for her. "You're feeling better?"

"Yes, thank you for..." She trailed off, not sure what to say. His eyes told her that he understood her.

"Let's treat your mom to a hot chocolate, what do you say, buddy?"

"Yes!"

They drank their drinks in silence and Natasha felt bad for ruining the mood. Steve suggested to drive back to the house after they were finished with their hot chocolates and James seemed sad. Oh crap, she was a terrible mother.

"We'll visit again tomorrow, James." Steve promised. "There's still something that your mama wants to do, but I'm a bit tired. Aren't you tired, buddy?"

James shook his head and yawned five seconds later. He would be asleep as soon as he was in his car seat.

"We'll do the dog sleighing tomorrow, sweetheart." Steve whispered into her ear. She nodded and watched him picked up their son to carry him through the Christmas market to their car.

She didn't even realize that he'd called her sweetheart until she was sitting in the car.

Natasha wasn't really hungry during dinner, but she ate because she didn't want to worry James. Or Steve. Seeing Clint's symbol had been more emotional her than she'd imagined.

"Do you wanna hang the ornaments or rather later?" Steve asked with a kind smile on his face.

"No, we should do it now."

They quickly cleaned the kitchen before they moved to the living room to add the new pieces to the tree. They let James get the ornaments out of the beg.

"That Uncle Thor." He held the hammer ornament up so Natasha could hang it into the tree.

"Uncle Bruce. Uncle Tony." He gave her the next ones. She smiled sadly at Steve when she had Tony's in her hand.

"Uncle Clint."

She took a deep breath before she took the piece from James. I miss you so much. I wish you were here. You would have loved James so much.

"That mama's!" James squealed. "Glasshour!"

She laughed and accepted the hour glass ornament from her son. Steve watched the scene with a grin on his face.

James held up Steve's shield. "That Capn America!"

"Yes." Natasha knelt down. "And do you know who that is?"

"'nother uncle?"

"No, baby." She chuckled and saw out of the corner of her eye that Steve came closer. "That's your daddy's ornament."

James looked at his father with big eyes. "You're Capn America?"

"Yes, I am." He was now kneeling next to her. "But I'm retired like mommy. So I can be with you, James."

"And mama?"

"Yes, and your mama."

James scooted closer and looked at her until she sat properly down so he could crawl into her lap. "You were little like me."

"Yes, I was." Steve laughed and sat down cross legged next to them. "And sick a lot. My ma, your grandma, worried a lot about me."

"Grandma? Like Granny Barton?" James's eyes grew big. He didn't have any grandparents. She knew that Nick loved James, but he wasn't the cuddly grandpa type.

"My ma passed away a long time ago. I'm sorry." Steve ruffled his hair. "We have our blond hair from her."

"Mommy's hair red!" James observed and tried to tug on it. She moved his hand gently away because James was stronger than a normal two year old.

"Yes, your mother's hair is very lovely. I love it almost as much as her eyes." Steve smiled at her adoringly and Natasha almost blushed.

"Mistoe!" James tried his luck again.

But she shook her head and stood up. "It's time for bed."

James pouted, but she wasn't having none of it. She changed him into his jammies, tucked him in to sing him a lullaby, and kissed his forehead. Steve came into the room to say goodnight to him and she left the room, hearing on her way out how James asked where Steve's real shield was.

She was in her own bedroom, braiding her long hair, when Steve knocked on the door.

"Come in."

"I just wanted to check on you. I know how important Clint was to you."

"I'm better now. Thanks. It comes and goes in waves, I guess. I'm great and then suddenly it hits me again."

"Yeah, I know." He nodded sadly and she was reminded again that he'd lost, too. "Do you wanna...watch a movie? It's still early."

"Yeah, sure. Why not." She got her big and comfy cardigan from the bed and came towards Steve, stumbling over the rug. She fell straight into Steve's firm and hard chest. God, how embarrassing.

His big hands wrapped themselves around her arms and he helped her stand up. She looked up at him and their faces were only a few inches apart. She should really move away, but she couldn't. His eyes had her under their spell. She saw so much in them in that moment. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she felt things she hadn't felt in a long time. Not since Steve had left. Desire, longing and lust.

"Tasha." Steve whispered hoarsely and his gaze dropped to her lips and then back to her eyes. She shivered at the nickname, he'd called her that when they had been intimate.

The rational side of her knew that she had to shut this down before anything actually happened, but her body had a mind of its own. She rose to her tiptoes and pressed her lips against his. Every nerve felt like it was on fire and Steve's growl only fueled that fire.

And from that moment on all caution was thrown out of the window. She looped her arms around his neck and he pressed her closer against him, their kiss growing deeper. He used her moan to lick his way into her mouth and she sighed in relief. She'd missed this. She had missed him like this. No man had ever satisfied her the way he had. She slipped her hands underneath his sweater and his toned abs flexed underneath her touch.

"Don't stop." She moaned while he kissed along her neck. God, it felt so good.

"Never."

They stumbled towards the bed and fell down on it. She could feel how much Steve wanted her.

"Tasha, fuck." He groaned against her collarbone, pulling her shirt further down.

"Steve, please." She was going to explode if they weren't naked soon. She ached so badly for him.

"I know, I know." He murmured and sat up to remove his sweater. God, he had the body of a god. And he was all hers.

Their clothes were soon on the floor, the bed frame quietly squeaking while they were swallowing each other's moans until the early hours of the next morning.