"Stay here," Prorok hissed that evening, pushing Thace into the sleeping room, "I don't want you to appear in front of the Emperor for now, with your low spirits."
He hurried into the study and Thace heard the signal of the communication panel, then monster's voice. The closed door muffled all the sounds, and it seemed to Thace that he has been encased in a glass egg and could only look outside helplessly. Desperation and resentment built a painful knot in Thace's throat, and he rummaged around himself, trying to find something to hold on. His hand caught Prorok's nightshirt, crumbled in a messy knot, so he buried his face in the soft fabric. The shirt smelled of Prorok; Thace inhaled the familiar scent and closed his eyes that already started watering.
No, Kolivan, you are wrong. This is not about the empire, clenching its tentacles on innocent planets. This is about Prorok. My Prorok. This is about his soft belly and tender kisses, his midnight snacks and unconditional acceptance. I am not going to sabotage an evil organization; I will have to betray the man who put his career in danger twice to save me, while still barely knowing me. He will run in circles, not knowing where his problems come from, and I am supposed to watch him coldly, calculating my next move? I will never do it!
You can keep your icy rigor to yourself and scare other new recruits. I am not your soldier anymore; I am Prorok's beloved boy. I swore you an oath, but didn't I swear one when I told Prorok I loved him? Isn't it my duty to help my partner with anything I have? Why do I believe you above him, Kolivan? I don't owe you anything…
Thace's thoughts became puffy and heavy, like those pillows Prorok liked to surround him with. Voltron would be defeated, they would have the honor to bring the Emperor his toy and they would exchange the marks. They would belong to each other for the rest of their lives. Maybe they would not even need to stay in the army anymore, they could settle on one of the planets. Prorok would kiss him goodnight every single evening and Thace would finally be completely honest with his lover. This constant loyalty conflict would be gone and he would finally be able to concentrate on his lover, live just for him, belong only to him. It would be just Prorok and their love for him now on.
Then, a small cold voice inside his head woke up again.
Love in an Empire where sleeping with a half-blood can cost you a career...
In an Empire that sniffs out every resistance and skins its foes alive, hanging their bodies for display...
Love with Prorok, who said that you would not be yourself if you were not a galra...
With Prorok, who only cares for his own species...
Who finds the destruction of all life on Nei-Kari an acceptable solution...
When the Blades finally may achieve their millennia-long goal…
When Voltron is a chance to save billions of lives from oppression…
Maybe the only chance there will ever be...
Thace already knew what he had to do, but it was too difficult to admit.
No, he moaned internally, this shouldn't be like that. I just need more time to overpersuade him.
But there is no time. The paladins of Voltron are risking their lives every hour, they were almost captured already and they need all the help they can get. Other members of the Blade are dying right now, because their honor and their beliefs do not let them act otherwise. You have no honor anymore, you sold it for a tasty meal and a good dick.
Yes, I did, Thace whined to himself, and this was the best deal of my life. He makes me happy the way I never thought was possible! Prorok truly, genuinely loves me and this is all I need. It doesn't matter if he is cruel to aliens!
Doesn't it? The voice grew louder now. Will you really be able to live, knowing that you betrayed people who put their faith into you? Will you forget and abandon everything and everyone you held dear and right? Will you be able to watch Kolivan skinned alive when you turn the holo-transmission on next time? Will you smile when the Altean princess is thrown into a pit and torn apart by wild beasts? Will you cheer when the immortal monster puts his hands onto the most powerful weapon in the universe and seals shut the last hope of ever defeating him?
How will you feel when you see the next massacre of the innocent and know that you didn't do anything to prevent it? How will you look at yourself in the mirror after every Blade apart from you is sniffed out and murdered? How will you go on living with yourself? How many orgasms will it take to forget what you have done?
Thace took Prorok's shirt off his face, feeling cold and empty and scared.
"Lord, I suggest that we move the fleet right now," Prorok said in the next room, his voice borderline aggressive. "I can't understand why we linger; we need to crush the worthless scum without delay!"
Thace swallowed. He knew what he had to do.