AN: We are back on our usual word count! Yes! Welcome to 2020 everybody, don't gorget to leave a review ;) Enjoy!

Azalea

Flower Meaning: Take Care, Fragility, Gratitude

"Coffee?" She offered kindly, jumping from the desk and gesturing for Kaneki to come inside, the white haired ghoul following her up the stairs and into the apartment complex above the shop.

"Thank you Kazuko." He nodded, the human only smiling lightly as she led Kaneki into the kitchen, tapping the table twice as she passed. "Uta. Uta! We have a visitor!"

"I'm well aware Kazuko!" Uta shouted back, sliding into the kitchen with dark glasses resting on his head. "Hey Kaneki, what can we do for you? Two coffees Kazuko. Please and thank you."

"What is this? Anteiku?" Kazuko scoffed, poking her head round the corner and crossing her arms. "Give a girl a minute."

Uta only waved her off, his full focus on Kaneki.

"I..." Kaneki sighed heavily, sitting down at the kitchen table. "I thought if I squashed Aogiri then I could live quietly, but after hearing it was Mr Yoshimura that created Aogiri... I don't really know who to trust. I was hoping you could help me, if you knew anything about Yomo, about Yoshimura-san. There's... so much I don't know."

"No one just wants to ask how we are these days." Kazuko sighed dramatically, placing the cup of black coffee in front of Kaneki, taking her seat next to Uta as she sat down at the table. "We don't know that much, even if we did want to help you."

"As a mask maker, I can't go around divulging my clients secrets." Uta said, blowing on his own coffee. "But you ate a special client, and we do sincerely want to help you. We don't know much about Yoshimura..."

"Though we never did like him all that much." Kazuko commented with a slight sneer.

"He came to the twentieth ward about ten years ago and opened up Anteiku and started taking care of the ghouls in the ward. But we do know a little bit about Renji."

"Well, that's an understatement." Kazuko grumbled, leaning on her hand and staring off into the distance.

"I used to run the fourth ward." Uta revealed, chuckling slightly at Kazuko's grimace. "A long time ago now, Kazuko was never a fan of it."

"You were arrogant and rude." She commented dryly, giving him a flat stare. "And always dragging me into your awful antics."

"I was strong." Uta stated with a laugh, Kaneki watching them both with interest. "No one else wanted the job so I stepped up to the plate. About half way through, I grew fascinated with a human girl in the slums." Kazuko rolled her blue eyes at this. "As my fascination grew, I grew further disillusioned with the job, and that's when Renji showed up."

"Real troublemaker." She continued. "No code, violating feeding grounds, stubborn as a mule."

"After squaring off a few times, he got me thinking..." Uta paused, leaning forward slightly. "Who was he?"

"So we befriended him." Kazuko shrugged slightly. "We didn't have anything better to do."

"But the crow wasn't the only one who turned up into the fourth ward that week." He said, taking another sip of coffee. "So did the CCG, a large clash occurred, Renji caught sight of the investigator that killed his sister, leading to a bigger clash. He'd never admit it but if it wasn't for an outside ghoul intervening, then he would've died that day. That didn't lead to an ease on the CCG's investigations on the fourth ward, but that's a story for another time."

"That ghoul..." Kaneki spoke up. "Was it...?"

"Yoshimura-san." Uta confirmed. "He took Renji under his wing and taught him a lot of things. Originally, it was just for revenge but he eventually mellowed out- even worked at Anteiku for a bit."

"We were surprised as you." Kazuko joked slightly, watching the surprise flicker across Kaneki's face. "I'm sure he can still make a good coffee if pushed."

"Do you know what the tattoo on my neck means Kaneki?" Uta asked out of the blue, tattooed hands trailing along his neck. "It's Latin."

"No," Kaneki revealed as he finished his coffee. "I can't say I do."

"I cannot live with you nor without you." Uta said softly, the soft smile vanishing from Kazuko's face as she stared down at the table.

(I can't live with you, and yet I cannot live without you. What do you think about that Uta?)

"A perfect phrase for the relationship between ghouls and humans don't you think." Uta continued, though Kaneki noted the sudden lack of any expression on Kazuko's face. "What do you wish to do now?"

"I think I'll go speak with Yomo." Kaneki revealed, standing up and beginning to leave. "Thank you for your help."

"Don't worry about it." Uta waved off watching him leave, raising an almost non-existent eyebrow as Kazuko practically scrambled out of her seat a few seconds later. "'Zuko? You alright?"

"I'm gonna walk him to the train station." Kazuko said, rushing to catch up with Kaneki. "Don't worry, I'll be back in a bit."

...

"Kaneki! Kaneki!"

Kaneki stopped suddenly just outside of HySy, allowing Kazuko to skid to a halt next to him.

"Kami you ghouls are fast." She hissed lowly, grabbing his arm and steering him away from the courtyard. "There's something else you wanted to ask in there, something you wouldn't dare ask in front of Uta. Go on, spit it out."

"It's just..." Kaneki trailed off, glancing back at HySy before turning to Kazuko. "There's a lot I don't know, a lot people hide from me, can I do even trust you and Uta?"

"Kaneki-kun, don't ever trust anybody." She answered, her hand still on his arm as they walked towards the direction of the train station. "That way you can never be disappointed."

"Kazuko." He sighed heavily. "That's a terrible way to live."

"It is a realistic one." She countered, a blue eyes moving to look up at him. "So, you want to know my story as well? I've never been good with insinuations."

"It'd be interesting to know how a human got dragged into all of this."

"I'm warning you, it isn't a happy one."

"Real stories rarely are."

"Alright." Kazuko cleared her throat slightly before she began. "My Okaa-sans name was Saitō Kamina," she scoffed at Kaneki's shocked look, "Yes, the floristry tycoon. She wasn't the... most maternal figure."

(Wrong! It's all wrong! Get out. I said get out!)

"So I left when I was sixteen, couldn't stand to be surrounded by all the fake opulence and diamonds. Eventually, Uta found me and decided that I was just too interesting to eat." She stopped suddenly, letting out a shaking breath before continuing. "Kaneki, how do you think I got these scars on my face?"

"Uta." He breathed out, horror taking over his face and realisation entering his eyes.

(Darling, I'm going to tear out your eyes.)

"Do not think any less of him." Kazuko shrugged. "I did try to kill him and he was truly starving to death." She ran a hand through her hair. "He wanted to eat my eyes."

"Kazuko, if you wanted to get out of here then-"

"Kaneki, don't try and intervene in events you don't understand."

He only stared at her, the train station growing ever closer. In the midday light, Kazuko's blue eyes were empty, as empty as the summer sky they resembled, nothing but two jagged pieces of a blue gemstone.

"You- You lost your sanity years ago, didn't you?" He whispered in shock. "No matter what Yoshimura, or anyone, says or does- you're never going to leave."

Kazuko tilted her head and stared back at him in a movement that reminded Kaneki slightly too much of Uta.

"You're one to talk." She commented, her face perfectly blank. "I know a breaking psyche when I see it Kaneki, and your checking all of the little black boxes."

Kaneki's face immediately fell, the half ghoul having the decency to look slightly shameful as the two passed the barriers and stepped onto the waiting platform.

"I just want to help."

"And you think that pouring your heart into something will make an evil person want to help too." Kazuko rubbed her face, faintly recognising the voice of the train announcer over the speaker phone. "But, Kaneki-kun, it doesn't."

"We are cursed." He muttered in reply. "Ghouls, humans, all of us are cursed."

"That's the trouble with your kind, always so dramatic." Kazuko laughed slightly, shaking her head. "I don't know whether the gods cursed us or you. Kami, maybe you are the gods for all I know."

"Do you really believe in the almighty, Kazuko?" Kaneki asked, faintly hearing the train approaching in the distance. "By now, I think I believe in pain more than I do gods."

"Worship whatever gods you want Kaneki-kun, whether they're of hope or pain, it makes no difference" she answered cryptically, waving him off sighing slightly as she looked around, her blue eyes even brighter in the midday sun of spring, "but if you find one that worships you back?" She leaned forward with a frown, and Kaneki watched as something he would almost call sanity flickered in her empty blue eyes. "Run. Run as far and as fast as you can."

Next to them the train pulled to a slow stop on the platform.

The doors slid open while Kaneki could only stare into Kazuko's empty blue eyes. If he looked close enough, tilted his head in the sunlight and really looked, he could swimming in them.

Something dark, something twisted, something wasn't fully Kazuko.

A stumbling passenger knocked into Kaneki as the small crowd stepped onto the platform, causing the half ghoul to step back and turn by instinct, watching the man disappear with a muttered apology. When he turned back, Kazuko was no longer in front of him, having fully disappeared into the crowd.

Nothing bad happens to people who love the inhuman, it only becomes a problem when they love you back.

There's blood on the tip of her tongue and danger in her eyes.

Uta thinks that she is something to revere.

A small part of Kazuko thinks that smashing open her skull by repeatedly banging her head against the nearest wall doesn't sound like such a bad idea when put into context.

Leaning on the bannister and watching the half ghoul step onto the train, Kazuko breathed out a shaking sigh of relief as he left, shoving her hands into her pockets and merging with the crowd towards the exit.

Love whatever gods you like, it makes no difference.

But never let a god love you back.

...

She's pruning the shrub rose when it happened.

Forgoing the usual gloves, Kazuko was gently prying the branches apart, snipping of several areas with no flower growth, allowing the shrubs to flower without being suffocated by thorns.

She draws her hand back just slightly too quickly, and the thorns cut into her skin.

She watched the single bead of blood drip down her hand, smacking into the soul of the flower plot when it dropped off of her hand, immediately soaking into the soil.

(There's pain in her face, pain in her arm, pain her heart. Okay-san, Okaa-san please, make it stop.)

Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop.

The darkness only crones deeply, stroking her hair and ignoring her silent pleas.

"Kazuko." Uta's voice caused her head to jerk up, the male ghoul lingering in the doorway. "You okay? I thought I smelled blood..."

"Yeah." Kazuko took in a shaking breath, tearing her eyes away from the blood. "I'm fine."

One hour later, she fixes her makeup to hide the tear marks, takes a deep breath, and walks out the door to get a train for the first ward.

No matter her feelings she still has a job to do.

"This is becoming a war, Kazuko." Uta warns next to her. "Just keep Arima off of the battlefield as much as you can."

The sky slowly grows dark above them.

Kazuko hates the afternoon shift.

...

Three taps on the door is what alerts him of her presence.

Kazuko wandered into the large office, walking past the training pit and towards Arima's desk, placing the newly faxed papers on it.

"I hear your going to be apart of that raid on the twentieth ward." She begins, her eyes staying on the floor.

"It begins later tonight." He nodded.

He knows she's been here for the past five hours, he knows she's hiding something.

"Is it really that bad that they need you out there?" She continued, dragging up her eyes from the floor, blood meeting grey. "It's the twentieth ward, there hasn't been a full fledged attack their in months-"

"Which is why we need to strike now before they attack again." He cut her off, watching her with sharp eyes. "Kazuko, why are you here?"

"I came to deliver the faxes." Kazuko said, scoffing slightly. "I wasn't aware that was no longer part of my job."

"You deliver the faxes at the end of your shift." Arima glanced at the clock. "You've still got thirty minutes. What's going on?"

"It's just..." Kazuko trailed off, her left hand rising to rub against her right arm. "Don't feel very well, that's all."

There's just enough insecurity in her voice for him to know she's telling the truth.

Beneath dark lashes, Kazuko's had to hide her gleeful smile as Arima fell for her trick.

"You can go home early if you wish."

"I'll be alright." She smiled softly, her mind working a mile a minute. "Just not feeling myself."

"Do you even know who you are anymore Kazuko?"

She freezes.

Something icy enters her veins, cold and sickening as it spreads across her spine.

Kazuko suddenly remembered what fear felt like.

"What?" She asks, her teeth suddenly clenched and her spine straight. "Arima, what are you-"

"You had me in the beginning, I'll admit that." Arima stated, efficiently cutting her off. He leaned forward on the desk, watching her with interest. "But you played it too much Kazuko, that was your mistake. Answer my question: do you even know who you are anymore?"

Something snaps.

It's twisted, it's dark, it's savage, and it's furious.

And Kazuko falls just slightly too easily for its greedy hands.

The bang echoed around the too large office as she slammed her hands down on the oak desk, surprising even Arima as the neatly organised papers jumped up and fluttered into disarray on the floor.

"Oh Arima," She purred lowly, taking pity on him and leaning closer, smiling sweetly. "That's the problem, isn't it? You don't know what piece I am on the board. I started off as a pawn, then a mildly useful bishop, and now you're sat here wondering whether maybe, just maybe, I might be the queen. But Arima, there's a problem..." She giggled lowly, humming as she leaned even closer, their noses almost touching, her voice a low whisper. "Arima, we're not even playing chess anymore."

"You're insane." Arima hissed lowly, seemingly unbothered by the tiny distance separating their faces.

"Took you long enough." Kazuko growled back.

With the speed of a coiled viper, Kazuko snatched the letter opener off of Arima's desk, twisting it in her fingers and moving to stab it into Arima's face. The special investigator only caught her wrist before it came anywhere need him, standing up from his seated position. A sharp gasp left Kazuko as he sharply twisted her forearm, the penknife slipping from her shaking fingers as Arima dragged her across the surface of the desk, pushing her into the rich leather office chair while he stood above her, hands placed on the armrests of the chair, caging her in the large, suffocating leather.

"Kazuko, Kazuko calm down." Arima stated gently, as the human female began to kick at him wildly. Arima only caught her legs, pushing them back down. "Kazuko keep still, you're only going to hurt yourself."

"Just do it already." Kazuko hissed, glaring venomously as she sank further into the leather. "Have me detained, executed, admitted to the nearest psychiatric ward. It doesn't even matter anymore."

"Is that what you want Kazuko?" Arima asked, his irritation vanishing in the presence of patience. "Or is that what somebody else wants you to say to me?"

"What makes you think you know anything?" Kazuko muttered, something flickering in her empty blue eyes and being destroyed too quickly for Arima to name.

"I know a lot more than you think Kazuko." He said slowly, like he was talking to a petulant child. "Like the fact that you're only here as a last ditch attempt to stop me from going to the battle, which makes me even more curious as to what side you're really on."

Be brave, but don't be stupid. The darkness growled lowly, wrapping its tattooed hands around her neck.

It almost sounded frantic, like it was scared of something Kazuko couldn't name.

A small part of her wanted to cry.

The darkness frantically tried to pacify it, cooing softly and cradling it in its hands.

"Are you going to kill me?" Kazuko asked, and for one split moment she recalled sitting across from a blond haired ghoul in a rat infested house and asking the same question.

(Now, what makes you say that? The ghoul had replied.)

"No." Arima answered, leaning forward with his hands still pressing into the leather armrests. "But this is your first and only warning Kazuko. I will excuse this behaviour once and put it down to hysteria and PTSD due to your past and innate fear for me going into the battlefield." Kazuko's glare only increased. "Because that's all this is, isn't it Kazuko?" Silence. "Isn't it?"

"Of course." Kazuko replied through gritted teeth.

"Of course." Arima echoed, sighing and patting her head lightly as he leaned back, finally removing his hands from the armrests. "Go home Kazuko, the last train will be leaving soon."

He reached down to grab his Quinque on the way out, not even glancing back to acknowledge her glare as he shut the large office door behind him.

A few agonising minutes tick by, but Arima could still faintly hear the bloodcurdling scream that ripped through the silence of the CCG building and the loud crash off a desk hitting the floor.