"RAHHHHHHHHHHH, I AM DARKNESS, I AM SHADOW, I AM DOOM!"

"What the holy loving fuck is that?" Gordon yelled at an equally shocked Alan who was madly flipping through their Great-Grandmother's cookbook that lay open on the table.

"I don't know!"

"Do something!"

"I'm trying!"

The beast screamed again. "WHO DISTURBED MY SLUMBER?"

"Do something other than that!"

"I can't, I don't know what we did in the first place!"

"This is not chicken soup!"

Alan looked panicked, his eyes wide, feet rooted to the floor as he stared in shock.

Acting on pure instinct and the self preservation that Jeff Tracy had instilled in all his children, Gordon grabbed his brother's arm and dragged him to the door, pushed him though and slammed it shut behind him.

A series of loud bangs, the smashing of glass and what sounded like the splintering of wood filtered through the closed door along with the inhuman growls of the creature inside.

"What do we do?" Alan wailed, clearly terrified out of his mind. He could face down exploding asteroids, bombs on his tail, near death experiences and barley blink but this had scared the life out of him.

"We have to call someone."

"Scott?" because surely their big brother could handle anything.

Gordon winced as the door he was leaning against vibrated sharply when something smashed into the back of it.

"Somehow I don't think Scott is capable of handling this. We need the big guns."

"Selene?"

Gordon nodded. "Selene."

"On it!" Alan darted off, leaving his brother straining against the force bearing down on him from the other side of the kitchen door.

"Selene!"

Alan's yell startled her out of her quiet meditation as he barrelled into Virgil's art room where she had taken to hiding out when she needed some peace. She liked the relaxed energy in there, the lovely lightness of the room and the view out over the ocean.

She opened one eye to look at the smallest Tracy.

"What's up Rocket Baby?"

He skidded to a halt, panting with exertion.

"We have a situation."

"Did John call?"

Alan made a face, ruffling his fingers through his hair, avoid her gaze. "Uhh, it's not really that kind of a situation. This is more of an at home kind of problem."

Another loud bang echoed from down the hall.

"What the hell was that?"

"Alan! Hurry up!"

"Well, Gordon and I were cooking…"

She leapt to her feet, cursing as she unfolded her legs and they slipped from under her, refusing to take her weight, having been sitting cross legged for so long. Alan caught her as she stumbled. "Oww, pins and needles, pins and needles! No… No I'm good, don't worry, I'll walk it off. Let's go check on your brother."

They raced down the hall, coming to a screeching stop to see Gordon spread eagle across the door, his feet wedged against a dresser and the door frame for stability.

"Squidward, you OK?"

"Oh, Selly, thank god. You gotta help us."

Another loud crash came from the kitchen along with a growling that sounded like a wild beast. She sniffed the air, nose wrinkling as the scent of rotten eggs assaulted her nose.

"Please tell me you were baking and something went pop?"

Alan shrugged.

She turned to Gordon. "Tell me what happened, now!"

Gordon sidestepped the door, still holding onto the handle. "We were making soup, just like the recipe book said and there was this bang and then…" he swung the door open.

She peeked her head inside and blinked, ducking quickly back out again. "You summoned a fucking demon?" she hissed, unable to believe what she was seeing. "How in the ever loving fuck?"

"We don't know!"

"How do we get rid of it?"

She sighed, about to speak when the demon started raging again. Annoyed she banged on the door with her first. "Shut the hell up in there!"

She turned back to the boys.

"You don't get rid of a demon that you summoned, they are bought through for a reason and until they fulfil that purpose they won't leave, most can't leave, they are tied to you."

"It won't leave?" Gordon chewed his bottom lip anxiously.

"Calm down, OK, I'm gonna fix this. Now, which one of you spilled your blood?" They both looked blank. "One of you cut yourself?" Sheepishly they both held up a bandaged finger.

She just shook her head in disbelief. "You boys need a minder, how you ever survive a rescue, I literally don't know."

She stomped over to the door and opened it, spearing the demon with a glare. She waved a hand, conjuring a circle around it, freezing it where it stood. It growled menacingly, but the overall scariness was ruined by the fact that it was standing on its hind legs, its body that of a lion, but with the head of a donkey. Looking like a weird Sphinx version of Bottom. "Bitch, don't test me."

She went over to the book and flipped through it, rolling her eyes when she saw the page. "Alan! Gordon! Get in here!"

They peeked around the door, horror filled eyes locked on the demon. She beckoned to them and they scuttled over, giving the snarling beast a wide berth.

She pointed at the book. "This page, what did you do?"

Gordon peered at the page as if seeing it for the first time.

"What did you do?" she repeated.

"We didn't do anything, we just translated the recipe on our comm to get the ingredients and read out the directions as we went," Alan was brave enough to speak up.

"You read it out loud?"

"Yeah, we were reading it to each other, though it wasn't translating too well on our comms so we just read that out and made a guess."

She facepalmed so hard she almost knocked herself out. "Sweetheart, that's ancient Greek. Do you know Greek?"

He shook his head. "We thought it was French soup. Is it not?"

She sighed. "No, darling, it's really not. You basically mixed up a summoning potion and said the words at the same time as you probably chopped at your finger."

Gordon made a face. "That sounds possible," he hedged.

She was forever looking after this family! How had they coped without her?

"Right you," she pointed at the demon. "I'll free you on two conditions, one, you show me your human form because you're freaking out my brothers and two, you give me your word that you won't attack us. Deal?"

The demon had been padding the air with his giant lions paws, trying to find a weak spot in the circle she had conjured around him, but had soon given up. Now he nodded. A blinding red light encircled the beast, seeming to glow from inside it as its form began to ripple and shift, the fur peeling back to reveal smooth skin, the body straightening, shrinking down until a very naked and very well endowed man stood there.

Selene blinked. "Valefor?"

Alan gaped at her. "You know the demon?"

"Of course she does," Gordon drawled, what else could have happened?

"It is I."

Selene grinned. "Selene, you remember, we met three years ago at Zagan's Samhain party."

The demon's voice dropped to a more human level, its tone suddenly less terrifying and more surfer dude hippy. Its penis, which was tattooed with snake scales and twitched as if it were alive, suddenly hissed. Selene politely ignored it.

"Shit, girl. Yeah, that was one hell of a party, man. How you been?"

She shrugged. "Oh, you know, can't complain. Met a really nice guy, inherited some brothers, the usual. What have you been up to?"

"Sweet, sis, sweet. I've been busy, you know, granting some wishes, harvesting some souls, the worse the world gets the more people call on us." He rubbed his hands together in glee.

"Val, could you maybe put on some pants? I don't think my guys are that comfortable, you know with the whole snake dick thing." She waved a vague hand towards his crotch at which Alan was staring.

"Oh, yeah, sorry," the demon snapped his fingers, his nakedness suddenly covered by a sharp pinstripe suit that had gone out of fashion more than a hundred and fifty years ago. His hair was slicked back and shiny like someone had greased it. He looked like he should be carrying a tommy gun and have a cigar clenched between his teeth.

"Nice," Selene nodded, "always good to stick with the classics."

The demon preened. "Oh, you know, thought I'd make a bit of an effort."

Alan nudged Gordon who jumped and cleared his throat. "Yeah, looks good."

The demon smiled, its sharply pointed teeth betraying its human like appearance. "Thanks little human dude."

"So, Val, not that it's not great to see you again, but why are you here?"

The demon frowned. "You know, I'm not sure, sis. I mean, lowly mortals such as these shouldn't have been able to summon me."

Selene pondered this for a moment, flicking back through the cookbook, muttering to herself about latent genes and psychic powers.

"Erm, Sel?"

"Hum?" she glanced up at Gordon who was tugging lightly on her sleeve.

"Can we just deal with the what, not the why?"

"Oh, yeah, sure, sorry." She closed the book and turned back to the demon.

"Val, what's the minimum we can do to fulfil your summoning? Help a girl out."

The demon appeared to think about this. "Well, I'd have to at least have a sacrifice."

Alan whimpered and she pulled him closer into her arms, hugging him tight. Gordon shuffled closer, either to defend her or use her as a shield, he wasn't entirely sure yet, though she didn't seem to be too phased.

"One for both or one each?"

"Has to be one each, sis, them's the rules, two bloods, two sacrifices."

She nodded. "Makes sense. OK. But you'll sort out the mess in here before you go, 'cause you kinda trashed the joint."

The demon rubbed the back of its neck, looking as contrite as an evil being could. "Yeah, sorry about that, when I realised I wasn't bound to a circle I got a little carried away, didn't want them to think they could just summon us willy nilly. Wanted to scare them a bit."

"Sounds legit."

"Sounds legit?" Gordon echoed, unable to believe what he was hearing. His almost sister-in-law was chatting to a demon they had accidentally conjured, like they were at one of Penelope's garden parties. Honestly, you couldn't make this up. "Are you honestly agreeing to sacrifice us?"

She glared at him. "Seriously? Did you actually just ask me that?" She turned away with a huff. "See if I help next time you summon something from hell."

Alan punched his brother on the arm, making him yelp.

"Val, what kind of value are we talking here? Can you cut me some slack?"

The demon made that teeth sucking noise that a repairman made just before he told you what was wrong and how much it was going to cost you.

"Enough to make them suffer for at least a week."

Selene appeared to contemplate this. "Deal."

"What?" Gordon spluttered, horrified.

"I thought you loved us!" Alan's voice screamed betrayal.

"Shhh you two. A deals a deal. Right," she pointed at Gordon. "You, go get your favourite shirt, that one that Penny said brought out the colour in your eyes." His mouth dropped open. "And you," she pointed at Alan, "that new game you got last week, the one you earned by helping Grandma with her bake sale. Go, scoot."

She shoved them both towards the door, ignoring their muttering as they slunk away to fetch their prized possessions.

"Brothers eh?" Valefor shrugged.

She made a face. "Yeah, but they're so cute and I love their brother, so I'm gonna look after them."

The boys shuffled back into the room, closing the door the door behind them. Selene took the items from them and handed them to the demon.

"Oh, snazzy." He fingered the material of the shirt before tucking the game away into his jacket pocket. "This game sucked anyway little human."

"I wouldn't know," Alan grumbled, having not had time to even unwrap it.

"We cool then?"

"Cool, sis." The demon's voice rose to its former fury, booming around the room. "I declare this summoning satisfied."

He held out his hand to them, first raised. Selene nudged the boys, who both slowly, hesitantly, knocked their fist against Valefor's.

Selene raised her own fist, but held back. "The kitchen?"

"Right!" the demon snapped his fingers again and the room filled with smoke. Gordon opened a window, choking on the rotten egg fart smell an, d when the smoke cleared, the room was as good as new.

"Dude." Selene bumped fists and then, in perfect sync they devil horned their fingers. "Thanks, love. I owe you one. I'll make sure I send you a bottle of that cherry mead you like."

"Sweet,sis. Peace out."

The floor below the demons feet opened up and he slowly sank into the ground, the tiles snapping closed over his head.

The two boys stared at Selene.

"What just happened?" Alan was the first to regain his voice.

"I just saved your butts. You're welcome." She helped herself to a bottle of apple juice from the fridge and scooped up the cookbook.

"Your brothers are never to hear of this."

They nodded dumbly as she sailed out the door, slurping from the bottle as if she had done nothing more interesting than file her nails.

Gordon raised an eyebrow at Alan who shrugged back.

"Hell if I know."