Waking Up
by CorellianBlue
(first published 2002, revised 2016 and 2020)
XV
The metallic snick of a holster buckle clicking together woke Leia this time.
She felt sleepy and drained, and it took her a few moments to orientate herself as she sat up. Han was standing next to the desk, fully dressed, adjusting the gun-rig's tie-down strap above his knee. He watched her warily as she worked out what was going on.
Leia glanced at the bulkhead chrono. Less than three hours had passed since Han's nightmare. Both had lain awake for quite some time after that, he relentlessly fidgeting as he'd held her, his shallow breathing punctuated by agitated intakes of breath, which in turn had stopped her from falling asleep. Fatigue, physical and emotional, had eventually claimed her. From the way he held his shoulders, she doubted if Han had been as successful in sleeping.
Leia raised the cabin's lighting level so she could more easily she his face. He looked pale, drawn, the lines around his eyes taut with stress.
"I need to check out the Falcon," he said. "Make sure she's ready."
Leia pressed a palm to her forehead, fighting off the headache that was building, but she kept her disquiet in check. "Didn't Chewie say the Falcon was fully operational?"
He didn't respond, dropped his gaze as he re-settled the position of the blaster in the holster and flicked over the retaining strap.
Leia tried again. "Did you manage to get any sleep?"
Han pressed his lips together, glanced at her from under his brows, shook his head.
"Come back to bed." She held her hand out to him.
"I can't sleep. I'm wasting my time laying there. I need to check out the Falcon."
She tried another tack. "Well, come back and hold me while I sleep. You won't be wasting your time then, and you may even find that you do eventually fall asleep."
"I've done enough sleeping," he quietly told her. "It's about time I woke up."
"Han…"
He clenched his teeth, then bit out each word, "I need to check out the Falcon."
She was far more concerned for him than shocked, but he noticed how his abrupt tone had affected her because he dropped his eyes again.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I can't…I can't lay here any longer. I need to do something."
"It's all right."
Han shook his head, remained silent.
"Look, it's not a problem," Leia reassured him. "If it will make you feel better, go and see the Falcon. Check out if she needs more work done on her." He may even be more comfortable sleeping in his own bunk then hers. "I get a mid-shift break, so I'll come and see you and we can get something to eat together. How does that sound?"
He looked at her sceptically.
"I'll call you on the Falcon. All right? In about…" She glanced at the chrono. "…nine hours." Was it that long? Nine more hours for her to worry about him, not that she wasn't worried about enough him already.
Han nodded, turned his shoulders as if to leave, then stopped. Two quick steps and he was kneeling on the bed beside her, curving his arms around her and holding her as if his life depended upon it. Leia simply held him; now was not the time for reassurances, declarations of love or tears.
They eventually parted, briefly kissed, then he climbed from the bed and headed for the hatchway.
"Be kind to yourself," she told him.
He gave her a small, self-conscious smile, then left.
Leia released the breath she had been holding and sat there for a moment, willing her hands to stop trembling. She wasn't due at work for another four hours, but she doubted that she'd be able to get back to sleep. And she still had that report she needed to finish for Rieekan.
Leia rose from the bed and began getting ready for work.
This story continues in Committed.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thanks to all for your lovely feedback - wonderful!
It has been a labour of love to revisit and tweak this fic.
I'll be doing the same with the sequel, Committed. However, I'm currently half-way through writing a NEW flight to Bespin interlude, so I'm not sure if Committed will come sooner rather than later. Shall see how I go, as I managed to update Waking Up and write the new fic concurrently.
Cheers,
CorellianBlue