Chapter Fifteen

Edward

The bitch, how dare she leave me? And what was all that crap about the creature she gave birth to? As if I was going to waste my time checking it out all the while knowing that Bela lay upstairs bleeding to death. She just didn't get it did she? I didn't want a child to ruin what we had. I had no intention of sharing her with anyone.

I remembered only too well the day I discovered that I was no longer the most important person in Carlisle's life. I had to adapt and learn to share him with Esme. That had hurt but there was nothing I could do about it. I guess it made it easier when first Rosalie and then the others joined the family although I was still special, Carlisle's first and only true son.

When I met Bella I saw a way to rekindle that special relationship. I loved her and I knew she was crazy about me. She adored me and would continue to do so for all eternity. At first, I had scruples about turning her but I soon understood that it was the only way I could be sure of having her. If she stayed human there was always the possibility that she might decide that a vampire wasn't the kind of creature she wanted to spend her life with. There was Jake sniffing around and despite my best efforts, I couldn't break his hold over her. Would she leave me for him if I continued to refuse her plea to become a vampire like me? I couldn't take that chance so I agreed on the condition that she married me first. That would show the filthy cub that Bella was mine once and for all time.

The pregnancy was all Carlisle's fault. He should have known that it was possible and warned me. He should have tried harder to persuade Bella it was too dangerous or drugged her and got rid of it. As a doctor, Bella's survival should have been his main concern., not some monster growing within her womb. It was as if he was jealous that I had found a replacement for him. Well, he should have thought about that before bringing Esme into our world.

I spent hours wandering the streets of Boston looking for Bella's scent but the fucking snow and wet made it impossible to track her. It tortured me to think that she might even now be with another man holed up somewhere. If I found out that she had been unfaithful to me I would kill her and whoever the bastard was who had stolen her from me.

Maybe Carlisle was right and I should have made her see someone. I'd never heard of a crazy vampire, not in that sense, but with Bella anything was possible.

When I returned to the house looking for Carlisle I discovered he and Esme had left and not only that, they had no intention of returning. Staring at the note he had left me I felt fury well up inside. How dare he leave like this? I had gone to such trouble to make the place home for us all, to decorate and make it ready for the festive season. This was to be a new beginning and Bella had ruined it all. The bitch! I screamed in my frustration and a red veil descended, obscuring everything.

I don't know how long my rage lasted but when I regained my senses the place was a wreck. All the decorations from the tree were ripped off and broken, strewn across the expensive carpets. There were gouges in the polished wooden floors where furniture has been launched at walls, everything was ruined.

I slumped down on my haunches against the front door and put my head in my hands. It scared me because I had never lost control of myself before. I had never caused such destruction. I looked at the holes I had punched in the opposite wall and the fragments of glass that were all that remained of the antique mirror that had hung in pride of place in the hallway. I felt my fists clench, Bella was responsible for this, not me. She had pushed me beyond my ability to cope, she was driving me crazy.

My phone rang and I snatched it up expecting it to be Carlisle ready to apologize and explain that he was coming back having realized he couldn't leave me in the lurch like this but to my shock I recognized Bella's voice once more. So, she had come to her senses and decided she wanted me to pick her up? Good, I would make sure she understood how badly she had hurt me, what she had pressured me into doing.

I expected her to sound contrite, embarrassed even, but she didn't. Instead, she sounded cold and distant and started with all that bullshit about the bloody baby and what had happened. How many times did I have to tell her before she accepted the truth, that the fucking creature was gone never to return?

I decided to shock her back to reality. I didn't have answers so I would make them up. What I really wanted to tell her was that I'd scooped up the abomination in a towel, wrapped it up so I didn't have to look at it and left it outside to dispose of later. If only that fucking Jacob Black hadn't stuck his snout in I could have buried the thing and given Bella somewhere to grieve although why she would want to was beyond me. I'd done her a favor.

Instead dog breath's actions just caused me more grief. If Carlisle and Esme had been a little later getting home I would have dug a pit and thrown some bloody towels in it, let her grieve over that but I had no choice but to admit the thing was gone, stolen by the wolves. Had Jake watched as I took the bundle outside and left it by the garage door glad to be rid of it? Not that it really mattered. He couldn't tell Bella anything, he didn't know anything. Not what happened to cause Bella to lose the thing or the fact I hadn't even bothered to look at it before wrapping it in a towel.

Even as I said the words I knew I was crossing a line. That Bella would never come back to me now but I no longer cared. I just wanted her to hurt as much as I did. Let her run away and find a hole to crawl into. I would find her eventually if she didn't try divorcing me first. Well let her, she wouldn't get a brass farthing from me. She had never been a wife in any meaningful sense so she couldn't expect me to give her anything. Let's see how she survived in our world without the help and support of the family. Did she think she could discard us so easily and with such disdain? Wait until I told Carlisle what she had said, he'd come back then to give me some much needed support. I might even play on the emotional pain to get Esme and the others back onside. I had thought they were all behind me, the way they had reacted to Bella's news. I had felt their solid support and it had felt good. I wanted to feel that again and if I played my cards right then I might just get my way. How dare she dismiss me in such an offhand manner?

I tried to call her back to tell her just what I thought of her but the bitch had switched off her cell phone. I was tempted to smash my own phone in frustration but instead, I waited a few moments to regain my composure and called Carlisle who took a long while to answer.

"I thought for a moment you were going to ignore my call, Carlisle. Where are you? I need your help."

"Why? What's happened now?"

He sounded weary and a little wary and I had to bite back an unpleasant remark because I needed him right now.

"I've just had another call from Bella. She says she's leaving me, Carlisle. She more or less told me to go to hell. I tried calling her back but she's switched off her phone. I need you to ask your contacts to trace her for me."

"Do you really want her back Edward? Wouldn't you be happier and more content if the two of you were to split completely?"

"Split? Possibly, but if we do then it's going to come from me Carlisle, not Bella. And in the meantime, I need to find out what's going on with her. Why she left so suddenly, where she is and who she's with. I know Alice knew more than she was letting on but she's not returning my calls either. So, I need you to contact your friend in England and ask him to find Bella for me. I know he can because I remember you telling me how he can track anyone from his armchair."

There was a long pause before Carlisle answered me.

"I'm sorry Edward, I can't do that."

"What do you mean? Why not?"

"Edward, please try to understand my position. Against my better judgement, I stood by you when Bella came home pregnant and look where that led. I'm not prepared to get involved again. This is between you and Bella but I'm sure she'll be in touch once she decides what she wants to do. Leave her be, let her sort herself out."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing and then it clicked.

"This was "Esme's idea, wasn't it? She's never liked me. I suppose she's doing a victory dance right now. Well, I intend finding my wife and finding out who talked her into leaving me with or without your help. I thought I could rely on you, Carlisle. I thought you were my father, that you would stand by me come what may. It seems I was mistaken."

"This is my decision and mine alone. It has nothing to do with Esme. I just think I've made a mistake in standing by you even when I thought what you were doing was wrong. I cannot continue to do so. Listen to me, Edward. Leave this alone. Let Bella make her own decisions. Take yourself off somewhere, Milan or Paris, lose yourself in your music and soon you'll get all this in perspective. There are other women in the world and you have all the time in the world to find one that fits you."

I wasn't interested in hearing any platitudes from him.

"So, you're refusing to help me?"

"Yes, Edward. I'm sorry but I am."

"And you're not coming back for Christmas?"

"No. I don't think it would be wise."

"What about Alice? Is she hiding from me too? Is there something you don't want me to read in your thoughts? Do you know where Bella is? Who she's with?"

"I assure you that we don't know anything, neither does Alice. I just think this has been in the cards for a long time now. I'm sorry son but this is one problem you'll have to face alone. Good luck."

"I don't need any luck. I don't need your help either. At least I know who I can rely on now."

Good luck? That was all I was going to get from Carlisle. I was disappointed but not entirely surprised. Ever since the accident I had felt the others distancing themselves from me. Well, let them think what they wanted. Let Bella have her divorce but first, she would explain to me exactly what was going on. She owed me that much.

As I had told him, I didn't need Carlisle's help. I had contacts of my own. I would do it without him, show him how capable I was, how I didn't need my father any more. To hell with him and with the others.

I walked through the house trying to ignore the chaos and destruction all around me. This was all Bella's fault, she had driven me to this by her unreasonable behaviour. I kicked the tree in anger and watched as several of the expensive glass baubles fell apart covering the floor with shards of coloured glass. So pretty yet so fragile, like the relationship between Bella and myself. I trod the remaining part of the bauble underfoot smiling at the satisfying crunch as it turned to dust.

Deciding to hell with the clear up. If Bella did come back she could do it, she would see how upset I had been as a result of her actions and if she didn't well… To hell with it, I never liked the house anyhow, it could go. Let whoever bought it clear up. I was nobody's cleaner.

I went out not bothering to shut or lock the front door and got into my Volvo driving away without a backward glance. I had everything I needed in my wallet and the flight bag I kept in case of emergencies, something Carlisle had taught me many years ago, which I had retrieved from our bedroom.

Once well away from the house I pulled over and collected my thoughts before calling Rob, a friend I had made when I left Carlisle to try living my way instead of his. It hadn't worked out but I'd learned a lot since then. I didn't need him, or anyone else for that matter.

When I explained that I needed a favor the warmth left Rob's voice.

"What kind of favor Edward?"

"It's simple. I need someone traced."

"Oh, right. Who?"

"Does it matter? If I send you a photograph will you do it?"

All he needed was a likeness of someone to trace their whereabouts, I'd seen him in action and it was pretty impressive. I would soon know where Bella was.

"I'm sorry Edward, I can't help you."

"What? Why?"

"Look this is awkward. I just spoke to Carlisle and he asked me to stay out of this business."

"Carlisle? You know Carlisle?"

"Sure, he asked me to keep an eye on you when you left. He's an old friend. Older than you, Edward. I'm sorry."

I opened my mouth to threaten him with exposure to the Volturi if he didn't help me, he was terrified of Aro discovering his gift, before realizing by doing that I would lay my private affairs before the Volturi brothers and I couldn't bear the thought of Aro's supercilious smile or the smirks from Caius. They'd met Bella and I thought they would find it very amusing if I came cap in hand begging for their help to keep my wife.

I didn't bother saying goodbye, just hung up on him, the bastard! All this time I thought Rob was my friend and now I discover Carlisle had used him as a babysitter when I left him to live alone. I bet he had a good laugh talking with Rob about me and the struggles I had with feeding from humans. Did I have any friends of my own? I was beginning to wonder.

The only person I could rely on and trust right now was myself. Well, I could find my wife for myself. After all, she couldn't have gone far on foot and she was so beautiful she was sure to have been noticed by someone. It would take me some time but then what else did I have to do? I would show them all that I didn't need any of them.