Disclaimer, I do not own RWBY or any of the franchises referenced in this work
Christmas Special: Christmas for the bad guys
Inspiration: NA
A flash of white light enveloped the theatre and when it faded, the deco had changed to a Christmas theme. The audience's clothes had switched out as well for a more festive theme.
"Hell yes! I'm no longer in a dress! But… oh come on! Why do I have this belly and beard!?" Jaune's cheer faded away as he started scratching at the itchy fake beard and poking at the false belly.
"WHOO! Fearless leader is Santa!" Nora yelled and leaped over to tackle him in a hug, bowling the couch over and sending all occupants to the ground in a heap.
"Where are my presents!? Gimme! Gimmegimmegimme!" Nora shoved her face into Jaune's as she started shaking him down for the goodies.
"AH! Okay! Okay! Gimme a moment!" Jaune managed to pry the overeager elf off him and get back to his feet. Grumbling slightly as he reached into his pockets, his annoyance faded away as Nora's false ears just kept twitching up and down.
"Here you go, all the notes on the bombs the Atlas version of myself made. And some extras on how to create a new Noramobile out of a deathstalker that another you sent to me, something about weaponised caffeine in there too." Jaune chuckled as Nora gripped the papers tightly, mouth wide open and stars in her eyes.
"THANK YOU FEARLESS LEADER!" Giving Jaune one last hug, Nora retreated into a corner to pour over the notes, demented giggles occasionally leaving her and getting Ren to worry about incoming collateral damage.
"Okay… what's with the sudden theme change?" Yang asked as she scratched at the fake antlers on her head.
"It's Christmas." Blank said.
"Already? Doesn't feel like we've been here that long." Qrow shrugged and accepted the news.
"Well not in your home universe, but with the multiverse, it's always Christmas somewhere." Blank amended.
"That's convenient… now get this clown nose off me!" Weiss roared in frustration, the glowing red gag nose on her face refused to budge no matter how hard she pulled at it.
"Come on Weiss, just enjoy yourself!" Ruby gave her partner a bright smile and two thumbs up. Weiss blinked once and slowly let out a long-suffering sigh.
"I am so not having a conversation with a Christmas tree."
"I'm a turkey. Why am I a turkey?" Blake hissed out slowly as she stared at her costume.
"Christmas turkeys are a thing." Blank said helpfully, Blake just hissed at him in anger.
"Again. Why am I a turkey?"
In the villain corner of the theatre, Roman was on his knees sobbing. His beloved Melodic Cudgel had been returned to him, only the thing was now a candy cane.
"No. What have they done to you!?" The man was crying openly now and transitioned to bawling once Neo snuck past his guard, broke off a piece and ate it.
'Minty' was the only word displayed on Neo's scroll as she savoured the treat, the bell at the end of her pointy hat jingling as she nodded.
"I'm feeling sorry for Torchwick now. That's… not something I ever thought I'd say. And what are we watching this time?" Goodwitch adjusted her glasses and looked away from the sorry sight of a grown man crying on the floor while hugging a giant piece of candy.
"An alternate universe this time. Here's one where Jaune isn't a student of Beacon due to a different set of relatives." Blank answered.
"Oh. So… what about the rest of us then?" Pyrrha asked.
"For obvious reasons, JNPR doesn't exist there. Ren and Nora aren't students either, you are though. You're on a team with Weiss, Blake and Yang as their leader instead, as for Ruby, in this world she doesn't go to Beacon early."
"Oh. I see." Pyrrha said before falling quiet. The lights dimmed and the screen came on shortly after.
Jaune stood behind a bar, humming quietly as he wiped down an empty glass. Junior's bar wasn't due to open for another hour or so and the twins were out on an errand, that meant peace and quiet for the foreseeable future.
Returning the glass to the rack, he wiped down his hands and started reaching for the latest issue of X-ray and Vav that he'd been meaning to finish for a while now. His hands froze in place when the doors swung open and a girl in a black and red dress walked in.
"You know we're not open yet right? And aren't you a little young to be in here?" Jaune regretfully left the comic where it was and turned to face the newcomer.
"Eh, aren't you a little young to be behind the counter?" Ruby shot back without missing a beat.
"Touché, but I know the owner of this fine establishment and I'm here today as a favour to him." Jaune shrugged and grabbed a new glass to start wiping down.
"Ruby! What are you doing in a nightclub!?" Taiyang spoke in a strangled voice as he clutched at his heart, a spike of pain running through it.
"I don't know! It's society's fault! I'm young and impressionable! Videogames made me do it!" Ruby frantically denied, getting Summer to chuckle in response.
"It's fine, just ignore your dad. He's snuck into stranger places when he was younger. And your uncle has definitely woken up in stranger ones yet."
"Short handed for the holidays huh?" Ruby nodded sagely as she took a seat at the counter.
"Like you wouldn't believe. It's almost Christmas, most of the boys have already left for the holidays. Really the only ones left are the owner and his friends… plus me since I did owe him a favour." Jaune shrugged helplessly.
"Ah well, never mind that. What can I do ya for? If you want alcohol though, I'm gonna need some ID."
"A glass of milk please." Ruby placed a lien card on the table while Jaune just stared at her.
"You. Walk into a nightclub. And ask for a glass of milk." Silence hung between them for a few seconds before Jaune shrugged and reached for the fridge.
"Yeah sure, whatever. I've had stranger requests." Pouring Ruby a glass, Jaune handed it over as he dialled up the order and sorted out the change.
"Really?" Ruby asked curiously.
"Oh yeah. Just awhile back, there was this girl with a bad case of the hiccups. She asked for a can of motor oil as a cure. Drank the whole thing straight right in front of me too. Said it was delicious and asked for another, go figure. When you stick around this place long enough, ya get used to seeing weird shit happen."
"A whole can of motor oil!? Damn, and I thought I had a drinking problem." Qrow shuddered slightly before seeking solace in his flask again.
"Ehehhe…" Ruby's laughter trailed off as she could hazard a guess at the identity of the hiccupping girl.
"What brings you here anyway. From the thing you're lugging around… you're a huntress in a training?" Jaune pointed at the stored form of Crescent Rose and waited for Ruby to finish her drink.
"Hey! My baby isn't a thing!" Slamming the glass down angrily, she glared at Jaune. The blonde bartender just burst out laughing, unable to feel any threat from the excessively adorable pout. The milk moustache on her certainly didn't make her any more threatening.
"Are you laughing at me?" Ruby narrowed her eyes angrily at the giggling blonde.
"N-no, o-of course not. I j-just remembered a funny joke that's all. S-so what is it anyway?" Jaune managed to get out in between bouts of giggles. Ruby just stared at him suspiciously before unfurling her weapon into scythe mode.
"Behold Crescent Rose!" She declared proudly.
"Oh, a scythe. Very nice." Jaune clapped politely.
"It's also a customizable high impact sniper rifle!"
"A what?"
"Haaa… it's also a gun." Ruby added on with a sigh.
"Ah this brings back memories." Jaune smiled fondly as he recalled making his first friend in Beacon so long ago.
"Yeah, you just became vomit boy back then." Ruby giggled as she reminisced
"And you were crater face." Jaune and Ruby shared a laugh before sharing a fist bump.
"I remember you helping me up after I exploded on Weiss."
"And then we both got lost in Beacon." The two friends shared another laugh, finding amusement in their old failings.
"Oooh… very nice. All I have is a little something my sisters got me, not quite a proper weapon but eh, I'm not trying to be a huntsman so that's fine with me. You look a little young to be a student of Beacon though." Jaune shrugged.
"Nah, I'm not in Beacon yet. I'm still studying at Signal, I'm just here visiting my sister who is a student." Ruby stowed Crescent Rose away before turning back to her drink and frowning.
"Something the matter? If it's not too personal, feel free to just shoot the breeze ya know. I find speaking problems out loud tend to make me feel better, but uh… just gotta make sure its nothing secret yeah? Walls have ears and all that." Jaune poured her another glass of milk on the house.
"It's nothing really, just… not really sure what I should be doing right now. Back in Signal, I could always just tag along with sis whenever but now she has a team of her own. That means team stuff and I can't really butt into that." Ruby sighed and emptied her first glass, before reaching for the second.
"Ah I see, you came to visit your sister but she's got other commitments too, doesn't she? And now you don't have anything to do since your plan was mostly 'stick with sister and do cool stuff' right?" Jaune gave an understanding nod.
"Yup." Ruby said with a pop and downed the second glass.
"Yeah… it's rough. I was like that too when I first came to Vale years ago. I was going to stick with my uncle and learn from him but… man's almost always busy with work. Left me with quite a lot of free time to question my life choices."
"So, who is my uncle in this universe?" Jaune asked as he received the first clue as to why this version of himself no longer wanted to be a huntsman.
"You'll just have to wait and see. Keep an open mind." Blank answered with a small laugh.
"But just so you know, nightclubs really aren't the place you should be looking for fun in. Most places would just kick you out and the ones that don't might just try to overcharge you and rob you blind. After all, who's going to believe you when you snuck in underage? It ain't that difficult to paint you as a thief and get the heat on you and away from them." Jaune said.
"Speaking from experience?" Ruby asked with a raised eyebrow, receiving mirthless chuckles from Jaune in response.
"Oh yeah. I learned the hard way. I got em back for it eventually though… hehhehehe…"
"Well… thanks for not cheating me or kicking me out I guess." Ruby offered her thanks and Jaune just waved it off.
"Ah it's fine, I have standards ya know. If you're still bored, you can just stick around. I can't serve you once the club is open because of legal reasons, but I can slip you a few glasses of milk or water or whatever soft drink you want every now and then. I guarantee you, you're not going to be bored with all the crazy stuff that happens in here."
"Umhmm, I think I'll do that. You got any other suggestions on what to do? I'm stuck in Vale until the new year before I go home to Patch."
"You ever consider charity work?" Jaune asked, getting a curious look in response.
"Charity work?"
"Oh yeah. Not as fun as hitting up the arcades or going to the movies with a friend but its for a good cause and far more rewarding I think. It's Christmas! But not everyone's gonna get a happy one. Plenty of unfortunates who could use a little helping hand." Jaune started to explain.
"Hmm… not a huntsman but still helping to make the world a better place, the world could use more people like that." Goodwitch gave her honest praise.
"Uh. That's debatable." Blank responded.
"Oh come on! How is doing charity a bad thing?" Yang complained.
"If the ends justify the means then yeah it's good. But… just keep watching."
"Vale's a big city with a lot of systems to keep it running. Problem with such a big system is that there are so many gaps where things just fall through. The funds for things like orphanage repairs or public works just… doesn't arrive some times. Hard to see until you actually experience it in person."
"So… what do you do then?" Ruby asked, hooked onto Jaune's words.
"We cut out the middleman so to speak. It's more efficient if we do things ourselves you know, instead of waiting for the council's many committees and sub-committees to pass the paperwork. We just get it done ourselves. Might not be completely legal in that regard, but what's the council going to do, tear down a hospital because someone fixed their wall? That would sink their re-election chances faster than you can say 'oh no'."
"He's not entirely wrong on that regard. Red tape is… frustrating." Ozpin lowered his mug and glowered.
"Tell me about it, at some point the bureaucracy becomes nothing more than a hindrance." Taiyang commiserated.
"I have time, I could help a little before I have to go home." Ruby offered and Jaune gave her a smile in return.
"Sure. There's nothing on today or tomorrow but a bunch of our guys are going to be fixing up some of the buildings in the slums the day after. Place is ancient and practically falling to pieces so it's in need of a touch up. Here, directions to the place, not really sure what you can do to help but every little bit counts."
"Okay. I'll be there!" Ruby jotted down the directions on her scroll before putting it away, from there the two just had small talk until it was time for the club to open.
And true to Jaune's words, Ruby was definitely entertained. Three barfights, an impromptu concert and a sudden chicken invasion. Where the chickens came from no one knew but they just added to the chaos in the club and the red reaper laughed herself sick.
"Man, Junior's bar wasn't anywhere near this chaotic the last time I was there. This happen often?" Yang asked.
"Indeed. It's a quirk of that universe, there's no such thing as a quiet night in that bar." Blank answered.
Waving goodbye as a drowsy Ruby was the last one to exit the club, Jaune turned to survey the wreckage and just chuckled. The place was a right mess with broken furniture lying everywhere, at least all the patrons were gone, even the blackout drunks had been carted off by their friends.
Closing the doors and locking them for the night, Jaune walked over to the kitchen and retrieved a tub of ice cream. Placing it on the bar top, he gave a small push and the tub sailed to the very end.
"Help yourself, I don't think Junior will mind." Jaune spoke to thin air as he retrieved his scroll and started scrolling through the messages.
"Who's he speaking to? There's no one there." Weiss stared at the screen blankly.
'No one you can see princess.' Neo held up a sign and stuck out her tongue.
There was the sound of shattering glass and Neo materialised on the counter. Picking up the tub, she started digging in eagerly.
"That much ice cream can't be good for you, better watch out or you're going to be a ball soon." Jaune chuckled and ducked under the knife that came flying his way.
"For the last time idiot, you don't talk about weight or age around the ladies, how many times do I have to teach you that lesson?" Roman sighed heavily before he materialised as well, Neo's semblance no longer cloaking him.
"What lady? I wasn't aware we were in the presence of one." Jaune replied seriously, grinning as he took cover from the barrage of knives a very ticked off Neo sent his way.
"Quit messing with Neo, I know what you're trying to do, you're trying to keep her distracted long enough for all the ice cream to melt." Roman deadpanned.
"That obvious huh? Fine, fine, I'll leave her in peace… for now. Anyways, you got something for me uncle?" Jaune chuckled before wiping away his smile and putting on his game face.
"Hold up! What!?" Jaune shot out of his seat, eyes wide with shock.
"Jaune is related to Torchwick here!? Ah… that would explain why he doesn't want to be a huntsman anymore." Blake's ears twitched as she analysed the situation.
"Hmm related to what?" Roman perked up at the mention of his name, pulling out of his funk temporarily.
"Who's related to… NEO! STOP EATING MY WEAPON!"
"Oh yeah, Junior's info was on the money. There's a new shipment coming in tomorrow night. You get one guess as to where the money for that came from." Roman handed over a shipping manifest to Jaune.
"You're kidding me, they can't seriously be that corrupt." Jaune's eyes narrowed as he read through the papers.
"Amazing isn't it, every time you think they can't possibly sink any lower, they go out of their way to prove you wrong." Torchwick smiled bitterly.
"They…" Jaune's mouth hung open as the words failed him.
"People will die." He bit out finally.
"You already know the response to that. People die every day, it's just an unavoidable tragedy. Besides, they're just animals, who cares what happens to them. Less of them is always a good thing." Roman put on his snootiest voice as he delivered the lines.
"Cinder will-" Jaune began, only to be cut off by Neo's headshake and Roman's sigh.
"Elections are after the new year, it'll be too late by then. Councilwoman Fall won't exist in time to make a difference."
"What. The. Hell." Jaune looked towards Blank for an explanation, much of the audience echoed his action.
"Well, you're Roman's nephew here. You meet Cinder some time in the past and had an interesting conversation with her, got her to shift her plans so the fall won't happen in this universe." Blank replied.
"I'm almost scared to ask, what exactly did she change them to?" Pyrrha asked with trepidation.
"Due to a slight bit of miscommunication, that Cinder became convinced that instead of simply taking power, it's so much better to have her enemies hand the power to her on a silver platter and then rub the fact of it in their faces afterwards. Hence, councilwoman Fall."
"Who'd ever vote for that monster?" Weiss huffed and folded her arms.
"You'd be surprised. The Vale council of that universe is hideously corrupt, even more so than your own. Even counting in the working for Salem bit, she's still the lesser of two evils. She's campaigning on a promise to weed out corruption and the fact that she's a huntress, meaning she's done more to benefit the general populace than the existing council ever did just by existing." Blank said.
"You gotta be joking." Qrow stated in a flat tone.
"Sadly, I'm not. And that Cinder isn't exactly lying either, by being a huntress and showing herself in public, it does give people hope that someone actually gives a damn about them unlike the council."
"W-well, she loses right?" Ruby muttered.
"She wins, fair and square too, go figure. But that's a can of worms for another day, her story isn't in focus at the moment." Blank flickered in place of a shrug.
"Bloody hell, what are they going to do next? Steal candy from babies?" Jaune growled, his gaze was drawn to his uncle when the man coughed sheepishly.
"Uh, about that." Drawing another file from his coat, Roman handed it to Jaune and stepped back, wanting nothing to do with the inevitable explosion. Neo simply opened up her parasol and used it as a barrier between them.
The temporary bartender took several minutes to read through the documents and process his thoughts. Slowly, Jaune's shocked expression morphed into one of pure rage, white light burst forth as his aura ran riot. Slamming a fist down on the table, he shattered the entire bar top with one hit, sending a shower of splinters flying in every direction.
"Okay… got it out of your system yet?" Roman asked, dusting several stray splinters off him.
"…Yeah. Fucking hell, it wasn't bad enough the council is busy embezzling the funds meant for the medical facilities in the faunus districts, they're going to defraud the Grimm orphan fund as well. Uncle, remind me again why we don't just walk into to one of their meetings and shoot everyone we see?" Jaune glared angrily at the wall, just barely keeping his rage in check.
"Guess I'm a bad guy in this one then… but is it wrong that I kinda want the other me to stick it to the council?" Jaune queried.
"Not really. If it were me…" Ren trailed off as several dark thoughts popped into his mind.
"I'd do a lot more than break their legs for that." Nora said, an uncharacteristically serious look on her face.
"Criminal yes, bad guy no. And besides, sometimes, bad guys make the best good guys." Blank spoke up to break the dark mood enshrouding the theatre.
"Because, killing the council puts us on every most wanted list in existence and I don't need that kinda rep." Roman shrugged and poured himself a drink.
"Junior's gonna make you pay for the damage, you know that right?"
"He'll get the money when he gets the money. Fine, if the council wants to steal from the needy so badly, let em. I'll just steal the money back myself, public funding or anonymous donations, it doesn't really matter how the money gets to the people does it?" Jaune said and the gears in his mind started to turn.
"I'm pretty sure there's something wrong with that statement somewhere but screw it! Thieving is what I live for, you got any masterplans cooking?" Roman grinned widely and waited for his beloved nephew to crank out another big score.
"Hmmm… I'm thinking that shipment of vintage wines coming in tomorrow for their little Christmas party was sold to the council a little too cheaply. Falls to us to make sure they pay a fair price for it. It'd be criminal to do otherwise no?"
"Hahahahah! Steal their wine and sell it back to them for double the price? I like it." Roman clapped and Neo gave a thumbs up with her free hand.
"I'm thinking triple, Junior can fence. And since it is Christmas, we might as well give them a little present, out of the goodness of our heart." Jaune's smile was cold enough to freeze the desert.
"Ha! I knew you were my favourite nephew for a reason." Roman rubbed his hands together gleefully, ready for more payback.
"Uncle, I'm your only nephew."
"Okay? Seems kinda tame really. Just triple the price?" Qrow said, unimpressed. Blank coughed and a copy of the receipt appeared in Qrow's hands.
"Hmm? Whaziz… HOLY SHIT! THAT'S MORE THAN I MAKE IN A YEAR! A-and that's just one bottle!?" Qrow stared wide eyed at the floating ball of light.
"Vintage stuff."
"No shit! Say… you wouldn't happen to-" Qrow shut up when a bottle manifested itself in hands.
"Sweet mother of… come to papa!" Cradling it like a baby, the veteran huntsman took the time to just appreciate the bottle's existence before uncorking it and chugging it straight from the source, drawing twin sighs of condemnation from Taiyang and Summer.
"Stupid, stingy uncles…" Yang glared at Qrow with red eyes from where she was seated.
"Remind me again why I have to do this?" Mercury complained as he shook the snow out of his hair for the thousandth time that evening.
"It's a freaking blizzard out here, how much more of a distraction could you possibly need!?"
"Shut up Mercury, Cinder's orders." Emerald slapped her partner on the back of his head, drawing out an angry growl. Her mood was sour enough as it is, stuck outside in the middle of the snowstorm of the century when she could be literally anywhere but here. Putting up with Mercury was really trying her thinning patience.
"This had better be fucking worth it." Mercury spat out and turned to Jaune, the now suited up criminal staring out into the white expanse.
"You're getting paid and a complimentary bottle straight from the stash. What else do you want?" Jaune deadpanned and continued his vigil, keeping watch for any nosy trouble makers.
"Oh I don't know… how about not freezing my ass off in the snow? So far this is a complete waste of time!" Mercury flailed his arms about in frustration.
"That's good isn't it? Easy pay check for the both of you."
"Something about an easy pay check? What are we watching?" Roman asked once he finally wrestled the remnants of Melodic Cudgel away from Neo.
"A universe where Jaune is your nephew and taking after you. Currently he's giving grief to Mercury and Emerald." Blank replied.
"Hehehe… about time something went my wa-NEO, CUT IT OUT!"
"Disregarding the pay, the information you're promising had better be worth it." Emerald growled out.
"Oh yes, don't you worry about that. It's damning enough on its own, but put together with everything else Cinder has, and I'll eat my uncle's hat if the incumbent council doesn't get lynched when it goes public. Using public funds to hire 'guards' for a shipment of 'medical supplies'… heheheheh…" Jaune trailed off into dark laughter as his gaze swept the snow-covered streets once more.
"I'm sure the people will be happy to know the good council is bankrolling the white fang as a quasi private army, and I'm sure there can be some twisted logic somewhere to explain why crates of alcohol that cost more than most civilians would make in their lifetimes constitute vital medical supplies."
"The Vale council is funding the fang? That's… the fang would never work with the council, not if they're as racist as they're appearing to be." Blake denied.
"Funding is funding kitty cat, I'm guessing your friends in the fang are more than happy to take the council's money and then stab them in the back later once they've outlived their usefulness." Roman replied, one hand held overhead, keeping the half-eaten candy cane away from the pint-sized Neo.
"Correct, the fang aren't exactly pleased with having to do the council's bidding, but they can't turn down an easy source of funds since their Vale operations aren't solid and Cinder isn't working with them in that universe. It helps that the council have given them carte blanche to do whatever they want as long as they take out the council's enemies along the way and avoid drawing too much attention to their dealings. Both parties know betrayal is inevitable but until that time, they'll milk the partnership for all it's worth." Blank added on.
"Tch, none of that explains why we're stuck up here." Mercury complained.
"Well, if you're volunteering to down and do the heavy lifting by all means. You should know that Nora is down there and… well, since breaking your legs does nothing to you, I did hear her saying she'd aim a little higher next time." Jaune's words caused Mercury to pale considerably and squeeze his legs together.
"On second thought, freezing up here is a much healthier option, I hear the cold does wonders for your skin."
"I'm a baddie too? AWESOME!" Nora cheered and Ren just sighed.
"No. Not awesome."
"How did that happen exactly?" Jaune looked to Blank for an explanation.
"You uh, for lack of a better term picked them up on one of your business trips with Roman a couple of years back. Jokes about adopting strays aside, you just had them tag along with you as future 'business' partners. Neither Ren nor Nora had a place to go so they were more than happy to join up if it meant a warm meal and a roof to sleep under." Blank replied.
"Business partners? I'm not sure I like the sound of that." Pyrrha chuckled nervously.
"It wasn't supposed to be anything criminal originally, since Torchwick does have a portfolio of legit companies under one of his many pseudonyms. But then Nora found out about the criminal element and slotted herself in immediately because it would be 'fun'. That Jaune was committing crimes to help the less fortunate only cemented her resolve."
"And where she goes, I go huh?" Ren sighed and shook his head.
"Pretty much. You can relax though, you're mostly focused on the actual legitimate businesses and between Jaune and yourself, you mostly keep Nora under control. Although, by control I mean point Nora in the direction of other criminals who won't toe the line." Blank said.
"Oh. So basically what we do normally then, except with criminals instead of Grimm." Jaune easily accepted the answer.
Any further banter was cut off when a ball of flames shot up into the sky at the docks. Jaune's scroll beeped several seconds later and he just cursed in frustration. Reading it brought no good news, the white fang grunts guarding the shipment were packing heat and one of the faunus had detected Ren's approach before he could drop the sleeping gas.
"See that Mercury? That's why we're up here, I give it a few minutes before huntsmen and the cops come running. We're gonna have to stall them." Jaune said, already moving to a better spot.
"Sure we don't need to help out at the docks?" Emerald asked as the sound of gunfire was increasingly audible over the howling winds.
"It'll be fine. Ren and Nora are down there plus Neo." Jaune shrugged, unconcerned about the situation unfolding at the docks.
"That's… kind of what I'm afraid of. You sure the shipment is going to survive the three of them?" Emerald folded her arms and waited.
"Uh. Actually, lemme get back to you on that." Jaune paused mid step and hastily sent a message to Ren, instructing him to keep the collateral damage down at all costs. It wouldn't do for Nora to accidentally blow up the shipment.
"Some things never change." Ren sighed again and buried his face in his hands, getting chuckles from the rest.
True to Jaune's predictions, the cops came running instantly. The council probably having put them on high alert just in case someone tried stealing their precious cargo.
Jaune left Emerald to deal with them, her illusory semblance causing their cars to miss their turns when they saw the road ahead completely clogged up with snow. "Better hurry Jaune, I can't stall all of them forever, my semblance can't deal with large groups."
"Fine I'll-group of white fang approaching from the warehouses, Mercury, deal with them." Jaune instructed once his scroll pinged, hacked cameras indicating reinforcements were on the move.
"Heheheh… about time I got to stretch my legs. Rules of engagement?" Mercury grinned at the prospect of imminent violence perpetuated by his glorious self.
"No killing, you don't need the extra heat, not unless you want Cinder's first job as councilwoman to be placing a bounty on your head." Jaune dashed his hopes slightly.
"Ugh! Fine. I'll just beat them unconscious, happy mom?"
"Not really, but that's the best I'm going to get from you isn't it?" Jaune rolled his eyes. Once Mercury took off, Jaune's scroll beeped again, indicating more fang reinforcements and a group of huntresses closing in, the meeting point at an intersection nearby.
"Why can't things ever be easy? Ugh, this is why I'd rather be an information broker rather than a thief. So much less troublesome that way." Jaune complained before heading off to cut the white fang off, slipping on a full face mask to hide his identity in the process. His uncle might love the infamy but he'd much rather remain hidden in the shadows.
"Nothing wrong with being infamous you know?" Roman said once he was done duct taping his weapon to the ceiling.
"Oh really? And when was the last time you could drink at a coffeeshop in the middle of the day?" Qrow fired back and smiled when Roman's mouth clicked shut.
Leaping from the rooftops, Jaune landed directly on the lead faunus, crushing the man into the dirt. "No entry beyond this point I'm afraid, I'm gonna have to ask ya all to turn back now."
Jaune smirked behind the mask as he pulled out a yoyo and started playing with it. The white fang took several seconds to process the weirdo in front of them before drawing their weapons and attacking.
"Suit yourself." Jaune flicked the yoyo out at the nearest attacker, the disks slammed into his mask and fire dust within activated, blasting the white fang agent backwards.
Reeling it back in, Jaune executed a series of yoyo tricks, tripping up the faunus with the string or knocking them back with mini dust explosions.
"Damnit! Quit fooling around and fight us seriously!" One of the terrorists roared at Jaune in frustration as he continued wiping the floor with them with a toy.
"I'm as serious as I need to be, for you lot five percent seriousness is enough." Jaune mocked them as he started playing with the yoyo again. He grinned when those still on their feet started to lose their cool and their attacks became more haphazard.
He was lying of course, one of the first things Roman had beaten into his skull when he started out was to never ever enter a fight with anything less than a hundred percent, no matter how little of a challenge it would be. Accidents and surprise upsets happened all the time, no sense in letting it happen to you out of carelessness.
"A yoyo? Seriously? Now I've seen everything." Yang stared blankly at the screen.
"Interesting choice of weapons aside, it's not as unorthodox as some weapons I've seen." Ozpin commented.
"For instance, Dr Oobleck's weapon is his thermos as strange as that sounds."
"Okay. Now I've heard everything." Yang amended.
"Oh believe me, there are stranger weapons still. As to hearing everything… you haven't faced Flynt Coal yet." Blank said with a small chuckle.
Shaking his head as he used the yoyo to trip up a white fang grunt, Jaune winced when the faunus went down with a loud thud.
"Night, night." Lifting his foot up, Jaune stomped downwards, sending the man off to dreamland.
"Damnit all! Is this some kind of joke to you!?" One of the three remaining faunus yelled at him.
"Noooooo… yeah pretty much. You're getting your asses kicked by a man in a suit with a yoyo, dishonour! Dishonour on your whole family, dishonour on you, dishonour on your cow-" Jaune almost bit his tongue when one of them rushed him screaming bloody murder.
Backstepping and using his yoyo to trip up the assailant again, Jaune wrapped the yoyo around the faunus and pulled her in close. Once she was in striking range, he delivered a solid roundhouse kick to the face that shattered her mask and sent her flying back.
"Huh, cow faunus. Whaddaya know? Just so we clear, that insult was unintentional and I am in no way a racist." Jaune felt the need to clarify, even if it was a bunch of terrorists he was explaining himself to.
"At least he's nice enough to do that." Blake grumbled.
"Yeah but what are the odds of that happening? Seriously, a cow faunus just happens to be there and not one of the already knocked out jokers?" Yang asked.
"The multiverse works in mysterious ways." Blank replied noncommittally.
Jaune had knocked out another member of the fang as was busy garrotting the last one with his yoyo's string. Jaune cooed quietly as the man continued choking in his grip. "Shh… it'll be fine soon. Just pleasant dreams now, just slip away…"
"HEY! YOU THERE! LET HIM GO!" Jaune's face twitched once he heard the shout and the sound of stomping feet.
'Oh for fuck's sake. Really?' He sighed and released the terrorist, letting the gasping man flop to the floor. Turning to face the incoming huntresses, Jaune just sighed when he found himself staring down a team of four, red, white, black and yellow greeted him.
"There's us! Kinda convenient we're there though." Weiss stared suspiciously at the screen.
"It's not a coincidence this time like you're thinking. It has to do with the other issue." Blank corrected.
"Oh. Blake ran off to find the white fang again, didn't she?" Ruby facepalmed as she figured it out.
"That she did. Even without Torchwick and Cinder's involvement, the fang here are still working with the council and thus in Vale, so naturally…"
"Blakey had to investigate." Yang finished with a sigh.
"Come on guys, I'm not that bad!" Blake protested, her team just stared at her with unblinking eyes until she wilted inwards.
"Sorry your other self got dragged into the mess Pyrrha." Weiss apologised for the actions of other Blake.
"It's… okay? I think?" Pyrrha replied.
"This is awkward, would you believe me if I said this wasn't what it looks like?" Jaune's dry tone had the huntresses reaching for their weapons immediately.
"Come quietly or we'll have to take you in by force." Yang grinned and slammed her fists together, deploying Ember Celica and readying for battle.
"On what charges?" Jaune asked, making no sudden moves as they made to surround him.
"You were choking a man with… a yoyo? Ahem, and I think you're responsible for this mess as well." Weiss said, waving an arm at the scattered bodies Jaune left lying around.
"They're not dead just so you know." Jaune argued back.
"That's not the point. You're coming with us for questioning." Blake hissed and gripped her weapons tighter, the white fang masks and uniforms setting her on edge.
"You've got the wrong guy really, I'm just a friendly neighbourhood huntsman." Jaune placated.
"Really?" Pyrrha asked.
"He's lying P-money, no way any self-respecting huntsman would wear a suit that tacky. Or that mask." Yang shot back.
"Hey! The mask is there since getting shot in the face hurts and there's nothing wrong with the suit damnit! You don't just insult someone's fashion choices, how would you feel if I insulted yours!" Jaune spat out.
"Yeah! You tell em kiddo!" Roman cheered before reaching out and plucking Neo from the wall where she was trying to climb up.
"Hah! Like there's anything wrong with my fashion choices." Yang preened and puffed out her chest proudly.
"Hehehheh… I am not even going to dignify that with a response." Jaune chuckled and pointed to the downed terrorists.
"Besides, are you seriously trying to arrest me? For taking out a bunch of terrorists? What court do you think exists that's going to convict me of anything? Instead of picking on the guy who just took out a terrorist cell, maybe you should… oh I don't know, maybe, just maybe focus on interrogating them instead?"
"Well… he has a point." Pyrrha conceded.
"Maybe, but we still have to take him in for questioning. Like how did he know the fang were going to be here in the first place." Blake said, never taking her eyes of Jaune once.
"Are you for real? Did anybody miss that giant fireball in the sky? Did it ever cross your mind that maybe other huntsman might have been alerted the same way you were and came running first?" Jaune's tone was completely flat.
When Blake continued staring at him suspiciously, he just sighed. "Oh I get it, you're one of those conspiracy theory nuts, everyone's guilty until proven innocent."
"Maybe not the guilty until proven innocent part, but you have to admit, you do jump at shadows a lot." Yang poked Blake in the side and the cat faunus just sunk into herself even further.
"She's getting better at least?" Ruby offered.
"Anything's an improvement over how she was back then." Weiss argued back.
"Oh sure, gang up on me why don't you. I was proven right!" Blake declared.
"And as I recall Ms Belladonna, your actions led to millions in property damage. A portion of which the school had to reimburse." Goodwitch's glare sent Blake back into her corner.
"What my teammate is saying is that despite your… good deed, we still need to question you. About this whole mess and that explosion." Weiss spoke up before Blake could dig herself any deeper and start an unnecessary fight.
"Hmm… then I'm going to need some id. You all look a little too young to be professional huntresses, so I'm guessing students of Beacon then. And students don't have any authority in this situation, no Grimm about and I don't exactly fit the definition of a civilian now do I?" Jaune issued his challenge.
The girls exchanged unsure glances before Pyrrha stepped forwards as leader. "It's true we're just students. But we're all here trying to help, I'm sorry my team came of a little strong, but we just want to get to the bottom of things. Please, could you cooperate?"
Anything Jaune would have said was cut off by another blast at the docks. Shaking his head at Nora's handiwork, Jaune turned back to Pyrrha. "As you can see, the situation has not been resolved. I took out one group and there's probably more at the docks."
"What!? I gotta go now!" Blake was about to run off again and Jaune stepped in her path.
"You're going nowhere, you're just a student and you're not supposed to be involved with this mess. Stay here and leave it to the professionals."
"You don't understand, if the white fang are there, I have to-" Blake argued but Jaune just cut her off.
"I don't give a damn what you think you have to do. You're a student, not a full-fledged huntsman or a cop. Stay. Out. Of. It." The forcefulness of Jaune's tone got Blake to take a step back.
"Oi! You can't talk to my partner like that!" Yang roared and her eyes flared red.
"Or what? You're going to attack me? While a terrorist attack is going on? I have no quarrel with you but if you all insist on stopping me from doing my job, then I will have you arrested." Jaune's words kicked in and Weiss and Pyrrha immediately made to hold their teammates back before they could get themselves in trouble.
"If you want to help so much, fine. See these jokers? I've already dealt with them but I don't have the time to interrogate them. You want answers? Get it from them, someone has to make sure they don't escape before they can be taken in as well." Jaune didn't wait for a reply before sprinting off in the direction of the docks, leaving the unconscious white fang behind to be dealt with by the students.
He smiled when his gamble paid off and the four of them didn't give chase. With him offering the defeated white fang as an olive branch, the thought of checking for his license had slipped their minds completely.
'Am I good or am I good?'
"He played us all." Weiss whispered in a shocked tone.
"He's good. Real good. Haven't seen that kind of mind gaming in a long time. Gonna be real with you all, that act would probably have gotten me as well… maybe I'd have made it past him but I don't think it would have crossed my mind to check him so he'd have gotten away." Qrow gave his honest opinion.
"The confidence that he's exactly where he's meant to be plus getting you all to question yourselves and then offering an alternative as a distraction so they won't look too closely… terrifying. That explosion might have helped with the timing but he had them on the back foot from the beginning." Taiyang analysed.
"All you need is confidence huh…" Jaune trailed off and start taking notes on how to improve himself.
"Uh Jaune, I really don't think your father was referring to how to sell a lie when he gave you that advice." Pyrrha flicked her team leader in the forehead once she saw where his mumbles were going.
"It might come in handy one day, if I were more confident… I don't know, I feel like a lot of problems could have been avoided." Jaune shrugged in response.
"Haa… fine. As long as the confidence isn't faked, it should bring you far. But don't overdo it okay?" Pyrrha gave in and Jaune smiled brightly.
"Thanks Pyr!" Laughing as he hugged his partner, Pyrrha's face turned an interesting shade of red as he did so.
Entering the docks proper, Jaune found a warzone waiting for him. Countless blast craters littered the area and several ships were in flames, the giant fireballs coming from them when they blew. Nora was cackling maniacally as she rained grenades down on the white fang taking cover. Ren was busy securing the crates, awaiting Roman's bullhead to arrive for pickup. Neo… Neo was being Neo and messing with the white fang.
"Damnit Ren, this was supposed to be a quiet op, what the hell happened?" Jaune asked once he made it to his friend's side, Nora's barrage providing all the cover he needed.
"They had lookouts in the waters." Ren's reply was curt as he fired Stormflower at a white fang grunt that peeked out from cover, scoring a hit and getting a scream of pain in response.
"Bloody hell, how paranoid do you have to be to post lookouts in the water itself?" Jaune cursed, underwater infiltration seemed like a good idea at the time.
"Considering we're here trying to steal the package, their paranoia was warranted." Ren spoke once he needed to reload and Jaune picked up the slack, firing with a captured white fang rifle.
"And the massive explosions?"
"All white fang vessels, they were waiting out the blizzard inside them and then shooting at us from there. Nora dealt with it." Ren answered.
"Damn, council really went all out on this one." Jaune chuckled before ducking when several bullets zinged past overhead.
"Understandable, there's more to the shipment than we expected. The wine was just a coverup." Ren explained, getting Jaune to blink in confusion.
"What else could there be? This whole shtick was already hush hush, what more could they be hiding?"
"No clue. A lot of machine parts in there and a few robots of some sort. Didn't have time to dig into them but they look more like suits of armour than your standard AKs. Whatever it is, we scored big given how hard they're trying to stop us."
"Is that so? We'll get a better look at the goods back at base, Roman should be here soon, just have to hold them off a little longer.
"Suits of armour? What does the council want with suits of armour?" Roman asked.
"Corrupt as the council is, they aren't completely incompetent. This just happens to be one of their black projects, it's a story for another time." Blank replied.
The four of them held off the white fang for several more minutes before the sound of a bullhead's engines could be heard. Spotlights illuminated the area and blinded the faunus, Roman hummed a tune as he directed the guns to fire on the white fang as the airship got into position.
"Hook em up! We're on a tight schedule here, damn coppers gonna be on top of us soon." Jaune and Ren needed no further encouragement, grabbing the cables from the bullhead and securing them to the many crates, readying for transport.
"We're all good down here uncle!" Jaune yelled up and the winches aboard the bullhead activated, hauling the secured crates into the sky.
"Nora! I need more explosions! Don't let them shoot the crates!"
"More explosions? Ahahahhaah! You only need to ask Jaune-Jaune!" Nora laughed as she switched out Magnhild's loadout for high explosives.
"You get a bomb, and you get a bomb, everybody get's a bomb! Hahahahahah!" Crazed laughter rang out in the howling winds as Nora's custom super high yield grenades detonated in brilliant pink flashes, thoroughly wrecking the docks and sending the white fang into a panic.
"Why can't you be more like your other self and ask me for more explosions fearless leader?" Nora pouted and glared at Jaune.
"Because more explosions won't solve our problems?" Jaune said.
"Nonsense, if explosions don't solve your problems, then clearly you aren't using enough of them." The absolute surety in her voice got Jaune to groan.
"She has a point, bad guys and Grimm can't cause problems if they're too busy exploding." Yang shrugged and offered her two cents.
"Please don't encourage her." Pyrrha just sighed in exasperation.
"Bullhead's away, it's time to split!" Jaune declared and his three companions just stopped harassing the white fang for a moment to stare at him.
"Jaune…" Ren began.
"Never, ever say that again." Nora finished.
Neo nodded emphatically, throwing her support behind them.
"Fine damnit! Ugh, why does no one get my references?" Jaune's shoulders slumped in disappointment.
"Maybe because most of them are ancient? You need better material Jaune-Jaune." Nora leapt down from her perch and gave him several pats on the back.
"Welp! We're done here! Great job team JNNR!" Nora pumped her fist in the air before firing several flash bang grenades at the white fang to stun them.
"Nora, we are not calling ourselves that." Ren sighed before diving into the waters, vanishing beneath the waves.
"Fine Renny." Switching Magnhild into a jetpack, she laughed again as she shot off into the clouds, heading for the rendezvous point.
"Neo, if you would?" Jaune asked and Neo just sighed exaggeratedly before activating her semblance and the both of them vanished into thin air.
"White fang crushed, goods successfully stolen, everyone escapes to steal another day. I'm so proud of him!" Roman sniffed and wiped away a tear.
"Say… you wouldn't happen to-"
"Torchwick, I believe I made it clear I don't want you corrupting my students already." Ozpin directed a searing glare towards Roman and the master thief reluctantly backed off.
"Fine, fine, you saw it yourself though, kid makes an excellent criminal!" Jaune just chuckled nervously, for someone who wanted to become a hero that saved others, that really wasn't the kind of praise he was looking for.
Later in the early morning, the entire gang was gathered inside Junior's club, the man having generously allowed them the premises for their early Christmas celebrations. Jaune, Ren, Nora, Neo, Roman, Cinder, Emerald and Mercury were all sharing a toast to another year of criminal misdeeds, Salem's henchwoman allowing herself to relax just this once. Having even more damning proof of the council's misdeeds just added to her great mood.
"By now those worthless tubs of fat on the council would have heard about the little theft. Get this, the good council's little party is going to be a little larger than we first thought. They've invited a lot of important foreign dignitaries too, promising the event of a lifetime. Hell, even Ozpin's leaving his tower for once." Roman informed the assembled criminals.
"Hehehe… it's definitely going to be one for the record books alright." Mercury chuckled, having gotten the full plan from Jaune earlier.
"And I wasn't invited to it. Rude." Cinder smirked as she sipped from her glass, relishing in the fine wine they liberated earlier. Such a shame they had to give it back to the council but, victory demands sacrifice. Her only regret was that she wouldn't be able to watch the catastrophe unfold in person.
"Oh yeah, while you were busy with the shipment, I introduced a little rat problem to the council's kitchens… after taking the good stuff out of course. Fortunately for the council, Junior's going to be able to source replacements for them on short notice… for a premium of course." Roman chuckled as he adjusted his hat.
"You sure it won't be traced back to him?" Emerald asked, unsure of the plan.
"Please missy, we're professionals. Like we'd do something stupid enough to tie ourselves to it, nah, plenty of proxies who will mysteriously vanish once the transaction is done. Oh, and Neo here is going to rig the place with hidden cameras so we get to watch everything go down on a live stream." Roman smiled evilly.
"You've certainly gone above and beyond what the job called for." Cinder commented.
"Let's just say I have a bone to pick with those assholes. Your contract with us just gave me the excuse I needed to go after them."
"I still think it'd be nicer if we just blew them all up, or break their legs at least." Nora whined, unhappy about such a roundabout method of taking down the council.
"Patience Nora, once the Council is ousted and we can charge them for all their crimes. You'll get first crack at their legs." Jaune promised.
"Uncle, is the surprise ready for the council?"
"Who do you take me for Jaune? Of course it's ready, everything has already been dosed. And yes, some of the chefs have already been paid off to deal with whatever I missed. Everyone attending will be hit unless they have the foresight to not eat or drink anything." Roman rolled his eyes at his nephew's question.
"They poisoned the food and drinks? What happened to not killing the council!? And they're going to involve innocents as well?" Blake asked with wide eyes.
"Everyone attending is unfortunately going to be collateral damage. Although, given their worldview, they already see everyone there as guilty of the same sins the Vale council embody, just to a lesser extent. It isn't meant to kill though, just utterly humiliate everyone at the party and shatter the council's image." Blank answered.
"What kind of poison would do that? Last I checked, poisons kill or incapacitate." Qrow asked.
"Oh nothing much… just weapon's grade laxatives. Curious note about the venue the council chose to host their party, there are only twenty toilets for over a hundred guests, and it does have a backflow problem." Blank's answer sent a shiver through the audience.
"Dear god. That's cruel and unusual punishment." Taiyang squeaked out.
"A practical joke on a grand scale… I assume the videos are going to be all over the net once everything goes to hell?" Roman rubbed his hands together deviously.
"Oh yes. Of course, maximum humiliation as payback for corruption was the plan from the start. You get one guess as to who all the victims are going to blame for the fiasco and PR nightmare."
"Haah… I pity my other self then." Ozpin sighed and uttered a small prayer for alternate Ozpin.
"Excellent. What say we all meet back here and watch the live stream eh?" Jaune asked and received a bunch of nods and agreements.
"Alright cheers everyone! Here's to another year of profitable criminality! Merry Christmas!"
And with that, the viewing came to an end, the screen going dark and the lights coming back on.
"That's all folks. Christmas treats and deserts from different universes in the back, help yourselves to it. The next viewing will begin shortly." Blank said as his audience made for the tables set up in the back of the theatre.
He had a small laugh when he noticed several approaching with trepidation. "Relax, none of it is poisoned. Just enjoy yourselves."
Author's notes: Merry Christmas to everyone. Writing by the seat of your pants is fun, the only plot point I had when I started writing this was Jaune as Roman's nephew, the rest got improvised. This Jaune is partially inspired by Watchdogs 2, as for the yoyo, no one ever expects a yoyo to be weapon. It's the perfect weapon for a criminal Jaune trying to keep to the shadows, it's not a gun and looks absolutely nothing like a weapon, doesn't mechashift into anything either, just a yoyo that happens to contain weaponised dust, something that people can't tell until it's exploding in their face.
Anyhow, reactions to the crossdressing gag in the last chapter is mixed to say the least, it's meant to be played for laughs but I might have come off a little mean spirited. It's just a joke people, if you're offended by it, there's not much I can do at this point, I'll try to avoid stuff like that in the future.