Thank you so much to those of you that reviewed my last chapter, some of your words were so lovely and I'm glad you're enjoying my writing it means so much. It has also prompted me to maybe share some of my shorter stories ill just need to tidy them up before I do.

So this chapter is mainly set in the past, giving context to some things I alluded to in earlier chapters. So sorry no current Naley but I do have the next chapter wrote and will have it up this week at some stage.

Chapter 16

Haley ran her hands down her arms attempting to warm herself as they strolled along the docks in relative silence. Although the winter sun was shining brightly the cool January air ruffled amongst them.

'So have you spoke to Peyton?' Jake asked her then and she was surprised that they were the words he finally decided to use to break this horrible silence engulfing them.

Haley nodded. 'Yea she's moving out of L.A.' She said softly.

'It's nice you'll have her around…' It felt like he was going to continue down that path of conversation until he stopped himself. 'Haley I hate this…' He let out exasperated then as he came to a stop leaning against the railing of the dock.

Both spent some time gathering their thoughts.

'I'm sorry…' Haley said quietly then as she faced him. 'I never wanted to hurt you Jake, I actually really wanted things to work for us that's why I tried the second time….and what happened with Nathan it was wrong but it just happened and I couldn't explain it I still can't…' She said pathetically as she ran her hand through her hair.

'I'm not mad at you Haley….' Jake commented softly.

'But you're mad at Nathan?...' She said not understanding how he could be when really she was the one that had been seeing him.

'Not now.' Jake mumbled rather remorsefully. 'I went about it the wrong way I know that, I just….it felt like Nikki all over again and Nathan knew what that did to me.' Jake reasoned. 'And I know it's not like we were a couple but it just brought up the sneaking around…'

'It was meant to be just sex…' Haley said the words sounding hollow even to her own ears.

'I know that now…' Jake said. 'But the night I saw you outside Tric, him kissing you it just looked like so much more.'

'Why didn't you say anything? you broke it off the next day why couldn't you tell me…'

'Why couldn't you?' Jake said sighing softly then. 'I'm sorry Haley I didn't mean to snap…'

'It's ok..' She said as she too leaned against the railing now. 'I guess it just felt like if I spoke about it, it would make it real somehow…which is crazy because it was very real….I just knew it was wrong but I couldn't stop, we couldn't stop..' She whispered then feeling the pain twist inside of her. 'How did you know about Stanford?' She found herself questioning.

'I caught him and your mom talking about in school.'

Haley just shook her head sighing softly to herself.

'It was the evening the school board met about Whitey..'

'Right around the time I got my rejection letter.' Haley said softy.

'If it makes any difference Nathan was saying he couldn't go through with it but it was too late. When I found out I remember telling Nathan it wasn't too late to tell you but he was just so afraid of you loosing you Haley and I know it doesn't make it right but he wasn't right after Karen and you know that…he was all kinds of messed up.'

'You know I told him if he saw any possibly with you in the future that he needed to tell you and you want to know what he said to me?' Jake continued on when Haley stood there in silence taken in his words. 'He said that it didn't matter because it would never be anything more with you two, that you could never love him and he told me what I was alluding to was impossible.'

Haley brought her hands up to wipe her eyes. 'He's wrong..' She mumbled sadly.

'Look I don't know what happened between you two after what I said but don't shut him out Haley you'll both only be miserable.'

'Why are you doing this?'

'To ease my own guilt..' Jake mocked but it fell empty in the air. 'I was spiteful in what I did Haley and I don't want to be that person so I'm trying to make things right for all of us….something tells me Nathan is going to take a lot more convincing..'

Haley couldn't help but crack a small smile at that.

'So Peyton told me you're not going back to New York?'

'Not right now, I just need some time to figure things out you know.'

Jake just nodded at that.

'So you and Peyton?' Haley smirked lightening the heaviness of the conversation between them.

Jake just smirked. 'She's just out of a relationship and I'm in no position to be stepping into one.'

'You always did have a thing for her.'

'I did not.'

'So did.' Haley teased and the two smiled then. 'I think this is the most I've smiled in the last 48 hours I'm glad we're ok.'

'You and Nathan will be too.'

'I'm not so sure about that.'

'I get you need space, time whatever it is to figure it out Haley…just don't distance yourself too much ok.' Jake said as he hugged her then.

He was only a few steps away from her when she called him. 'Jake…just look out for him ok..'

He nodded albeit a sad smile on his face at her words before walking away.

XXXXX

Haley was aware of her looming presence at the door however, she continued to lazily fold and place various clothing items into her suitcase as though she hadn't recognised she was there.

She waited with baited breath.

'Please don't run honey you do it all the time.' Lydia said gently as she stood in the doorway to Haley's room.

And there it was.

'I didn't run all those years ago mom maybe now you'll let me go.' Her words weren't laced with anger, more so they carried the heavy weight of dejection. 'I just need to get away, I don't want to hurt you and I know if I stay I'm just going to say things and make this worse.'

Lydia nodded sadly. She'd told her daughter the whole story, how she found Nathan in the graveyard days after his mother's death and told him how she wished Haley would stay and how she'd convinced him that it was the right thing to do. Haley had listened to every word. Lydia knew she had to be patient with this, she made a mistake and her daughter deserved her patience and her grace coming to terms with it.

But Nathan didn't deserve her departure, her complete withdrawal and Lydia hated to see her daughter pulling away from him like this. She knew she was going to regret it.

'I know there is nothing more I can to say to make this right at this moment but please understand my baby girl I never wanted you to feel like you weren't worthy, I always have been a little too controlling your daddy tells me that and yes I've always felt that I have known what is best for you…. I took it to far Haleybob but whether your relationship was real or not you've been happier than ever and I noticed how that boy was with you when dad has his accident, I've seen it honey and I think what me and Karen said all those years ago is finally happening and I just wish you wouldn't run from that…..'

'Mom I just can't hear this right now….it's too hard all of it.' Haley said biting her lip willing herself not to fall apart again.

'I just don't want you to regret this Haley, we both know you love that boy. I watched you fall in love with him when he lost his mom and maybe you think I'm crazy but I saw it honey and I know if you think back hard enough you know deep down you felt it too.'

Haley shook her head sadly as she turned to face her mother.

'I was wrong to use his loss in that way ; it was selfish and manipulating and I'm not proud of it Haley but maybe a part of me was also doing it for my best friend too.'

Haley gave her a curious look not really understanding.

'I promised Karen I would look after him and I think subconsciously on some level you were the only way I knew how.'

Lydia smiled softly at her daughter leaving her with those parting words. Haley turned towards the picture standing tall on the dresser; the two of them beaming at the camera, they were about 17 at the time, Nathan was crouched down giving her a piggyback, he was wearing that loveable grey hoodie of his and she was wearing that poncho he absolutely hated. Her young heart had being so afraid then to ever entertain the idea of them being anything more than friends.

4 years ago

XXXXX

'Nathan….omg….ew you did not just say that…overshare.' Haley grimaced as she rested both her feet on the dash.

His hearty laugh filled the space between them. 'You asked me….'

'Yea and by what happened I meant did you …you know ask her out? I so did not need the sordid details of yer heavy petting sessions.'

'Haley there's like two months left in our senior year I'm not getting into a relationship.'

Haley just rolled her eyes playfully. 'You're too much of a scaredy cat.' She teased.

'And what's there to be afraid of? Falling in love and getting my heart broken. What Bronte novel have you being stuck in this week Hales?' He mocked as he glanced at her.

'Shut up…' Haley said digging him playfully in the side. 'You know your mom is mad excited for you to bring home a girl before prom.'

'Please mom has had the two of us going to prom together since she knitted you that ugly hat.'

Haley gaped at him. 'Nathan Scott you loved that hat…in fact I remember you crying like a baby when your mom didn't knit you one.'

'It would look hot on me.'

Haley pretended to gag. 'Well it's getting that way you could wear one, what's going on with the hairstyle?' She egged him on. It was a little longer than she ever remembered it being.

'You like it when I grow it out this is all for you Hales.'

'Oh Nathan you're so good to me.' She teased back fluttering her eyelashes at him.

He just shook his head at her silliness.

'So Karen think's we're going to Prom together?'

'Yes Hales you know we'll go to prom together, fall in love, get married….'

'Oh god…' Haley chuckled. 'Do you notice they've just gone overkill with that coming up to the end of our senior year?' She questioned rhetorically. 'I feel like we got it all the time when we were kids and then we had an intermission there for years and now…'

'I think it's cause our parents fell in love when they were so young, I mean it didn't work out for my mom but for yours…'

'Fell in love….ah Nate are you reading my books again?'

Nathan just stuck his tongue out at her as he turned his attention back onto the road.

'How long more?' Haley said then glancing ahead of them.

'About an hour maybe more.' Nathan said.

'Ok let's play the radio game…'

'Haley…' Nathan moaned.

'Come on you love it…'

'Yea when I was 5…'

Haley rolled her eyes. 'And what was that 2 years ago?'

'You're lucky I'm driving Hales.'

She just chuckled. 'What's going to be song we dance to at our wedding?' She joked as she scurried through the radio channels.

'Haley….' Nathan admonished her. 'You can't joke about shit like that…'

'What it's not like I'm putting a spell on us…' She scoffed at him.

'It's disturbing.' Nathan refuted.

'What the fact that I will be a beautiful bride disturbs you…'

'Not the fact that you'd be my…'

Ed Sheeran's Give me Love came through the speaker in the car then cutting Nathan off followed by Haley's resounding aww. Nathan rolled his eyes at her. 'You're not going to cry are you?'

'Shut up…' She pinched him. 'I love this song.'

He just shook his head at her. 'You're such a girl.'

'And you're such a boy.'

'Ok what does Haley really need in her life right now?'

Haley just scoffed at his question as he flicked through the channels waiting for it to settle on one. They both laughed as Lil Jon' Get Low blared through the car speakers.

'Oh my god…' Nathan chuckled at her. 'I mean that's pretty self-explanatory.'

Haley couldn't help but laugh with him. 'I guess I'm coming along to ho ho Theresa's party. Speaking of what does she want to do to Nathan?'

They couldn't help but chuckle again as Britney Spears Hold it Against me came through the speakers.

'Touché..' Nathan smirked. 'What is our summer going to look like?' He began just as the shrill ringing of Haley's phone cut interrupted him.

'Hold that thought…' Haley said as she turned down the radio.

'Hello….' She chirped.

'Yea he's here with me why?' She said softly shrugging as Nathan glanced across at her.

She didn't speak for a while he noted.

'Nate…pull over for a sec.' Haley said then still holding the phone to her ear.

For some reason of which he wasn't sure but he knew not to question it, knew not to tell Haley he couldn't and was suddenly very aware of the fact he needed to pull over right this second. A grim stillness all of a sudden seemed to suffocate the space of the car.

'Haley….' Nathan said then the worry in his voice evident as he faced her. 'Tell me….what is it…what's going on?' He began to panic then when he looked at her, lips trembling slightly, the fear in her eyes.

'Karen…sh she was in an accident they're taking her to the hospital now..' Haley said shakily.

'An accid….what? She's ok right?' Nathan panicked then. 'Haley tell me she's ok…'

Haley caught the desperate fearful look in his eyes and swallowed hard. 'We need to go the hospital.'

XXXXX

'You relax honey I'll do it…' Lydia soothed her daughter.

'No it's ok…'

'Haleybop…'

'Mom I need to do this please.' Haley said choking back a heavy sob willing the tears to stay put. She closed her eyes hearing her mom sniffling.

They'd only got back from the hospital little over an hour ago.

Karen was taken from their lives. The surgeon had tried but she had flatlined during surgery and they couldn't get her back. The internal damage was just too much and now she was gone.

He didn't even get to say goodbye.

Her tears dropped into her cup of tea and she quickly swiped her navy sweater across her face gathering up the moisture. She had to be strong right now for him. She couldn't fall apart like this.

'Has he said anything?' Lydia asked her, it was barely above a whisper.

Haley lifted her gaze to meet her mother's, taken aback by the tormented look on her face; it wasn't just pure grief over the loss of her friend but it carried a fear so painfully obvious for both of them; what would become of Nathan? How would he ever get through this.

Haley shook her head softly. 'He hasn't said a word mom…he just fell apart and then he bolted….only for Keith was there I don't think he'd even be here.' She closed her eyes willing away the images in her mind of Keith dragging a completely torn up Nathan back to the car. She wasn't sure he wouldn't even recall it he was in such a state of shock, it was horrible to watch.

'Is your father…'

Haley nodded. 'Yea I just told him to watch him I'm afraid he's going to run away or something.'

'It's getting late we should all try get some sleep.' Lydia said failingly. There were no right words to say, there was nothing that could be said right now that could explain this.

They sat in silence a long time, the house itself soaking in the grief of its remnants.

'How can we wake up from this mom?' Haley said sadly feeling the tracks make their silent, agonising path down her cheeks. 'What happens tomorrow?'

Lydia stood up from where she was perched in her stool pulling her daughter into her arms. 'We will get through it, you two will get through it together it's going to be ok honey, I promise you that.'

Haley stepped back into the sitting room giving her dad a grateful smile as her worrying gaze lingered on Nathan's chillingly stoic face. She watched her dad stand up from the armchair giving Nathan a soothing rub on his shoulder before he came towards her.

'I love you darling.'

'I love you too daddy.' Haley said softly, her voice a choked whisper as their sad eyes acknowledged each other. He left the room then and she went over to Nathan, she leant down on her knees in front of him taking his hands between hers she left a soft kiss holding onto them tightly as she glanced at him, she wasn't sure what to do or what he needed from her but all she knew was that she needed to be close to him.

'Let's get to bed.' Haley whispered softly, his eyes hadn't even met hers but as she pulled herself up to her feet and tugged him gently he followed her and she was grateful for that.

Stepping into her bedroom Haley led Nathan over to the bed, the moonlight the only source of light in her otherwise dark room now was oddly comforting providing a calming, safe ambience from the chaos of the outside world. Haley slipped into her pjs not given any thought to undressing herself in front of him because in all honesty he really wasn't even there. She came over to him then bending down to unlace his trainers pulling them off him. Standing up she gently tugged at his sweatshirt peeling it off his body casting it to the floor beside his shoes. Haley ran her fingers up his bare arms feeling him shudder slightly from her touch, her eyes met his then and she finally saw a flicker of something there aside from the detached coldness that had inhabited his dark blue orbs all evening.

She saw enough to give her….hope that a part of him was still here in this room with her. Haley pulled him against her then without hesitation resting his head against her chest as she ran her hands soothingly through his thick, raven hair. Silent, agonising tears seemed to escape him then and she wondered did he even know that he was crying, could he even feel it? She felt them soak right through the tank top. 'Oh Nathan…' Haley let out in a sorrowful whisper as she continued to stroke his hair.

They stayed like that long enough for the moon's brightness to be blighted by more darkened shadows across the room, a hollow resemblance to the events of that day.

She felt Nathan pull away then, that rather disturbing aloof look on his face and it was like he had checked out again as though he'd just shut off his emotions, removed a part of his soul from his body. And that's what scared her, the chance that he may pull away from her completely.

Haley stepped back then tugging gently on his hands again taking him off the bed with her. She went to pull back her comforter as Nathan shed himself of his jeans, his movements almost robotic. Haley snuggled into her bed then as he got in beside her, his eyes were on her and it was the first time she found herself looking into him and finding that he was completely unreachable. It scared her and she knew she had to find a way to reach him, maybe in a way she never had before.

Because this time it was different, no words or promises were going to take this pain away.

They'd shared bunk beds as children, she stayed over at Nathan's house many times growing up but as they grew into their teenage years they found themselves grimacing at having to share a bed with each other but tonight that was different.

Tonight was about connection and she could feel him retreating away into a very dark part of himself and the only way to fight that was to keep him feeling something even if it was just her body.

Even if that was strange for them both.

Haley shifted over to him on the bed then tucking her petite frame against him as she draped her arm across him, she almost let out a sigh of relief when she felt his arm move out from under hers as he held her body close and she felt his chin resting on her head.

They clung to each other tighter than they ever had before.

XXXXX

Animated and lively chat bounced off the walls of Karen's home much like the woman she had been herself. There was something about this place despite the desolate circumstances, that made Haley feel warm. It always had. She had spent most of her life growing up here after all.

Stopping by the table in the downstairs hallway she picked up the wooden frame; Karen and her son smiling boisterly, he'd that grey hoodie on him he never took off, Haley teased him relentlessly about it and of course a basketball tucked it at his side. Haley felt the heavy sob try and choke her but she breathed it down, forcefully as she had been all night.

She felt Lucas' hands on her shoulders then, a down-hearted look on his face as he too drank in the image in her hands. They both didn't say it but they were both worried for the boy in that picture. 'Mom is just at the café; she is bringing over some more sandwiches.'

Haley nodded. They hadn't expected such a swarm of people but they really shouldn't have been surprised considering the size of Karen's heart and the stretch of her good will amongst the community. Deb had gone into business with her 3 years ago now, Haley wondered what would happen to the café, if she'd keep it going on her own. Lots of things plagued her mind but nothing like the worry that troubled her over her best friend. It had been 3 days now and with every passing hour it felt like he was slipping further and further away from her.

'God he didn't even get to say goodbye.' Haley mumbled brokenly and she felt Lucas grip her shoulders tighter. A solitary tear escaped her and Lucas pulled her from the foyer outside to the front porch sitting her down on the steps. He too was worried about his younger brother but he knew that in itself only scratched the surface of worry Haley was harbouring for her best friend, their bond was something so seldom captured, it went beyond surface appearances and there was something so much deeper there that he was sure even they themselves didn't realise.

'We were playing the radio game…' Haley choked out and Lucas let her knowing she needed to get this off her chest, hell the last few days had been a whirlwind of organising the funeral and being there for Nathan he was pretty sure Haley herself hadn't even began to process the grief for Karen was like a second mother to her.

'We were laughing….teasing each other, it was like any other day us coming back from a road trip to a bowl of spag bol at the café..' a slight smile tugged at the corners of Lucas mouth, he could only imagine. 'and then …it all just changed, I got the call from your mom and I knew even though they told us to come to the hospital I knew….and I , I was the one that had to shatter his whole world...' The sobs took hold of her then as she crashed her head in her hands, her body quaking with the surmount of her grief, their grief.

She wasn't sure how long she cried for but when she lifted her swollen, painful eyes the dusk was creeping in, blackening the night.

'Maybe you had to shatter his whole world but I also believe that Nathan still has the most important person in his life by his side, he's going to be ok and you're going to be ok..'

'I don't know Luke, he's completely unreachable, which isn't surprising but to some degree he as always let me in but now…'

'Give it time, Nathan has to deal with this in his own way and there's not a whole lot you can do about that only be there for him, if nothing else just be there.'

'God I'm sorry I didn't mean to break down in front of you like this…'

'You can't be there for Nathan if you're not there for yourself Haley.'

'Thanks for listening Luke.' Haley said softly as she looked up at the night sky. 'Did you see him leaving?'

Lucas nodded. 'About ten minutes after everyone got here.'

Haley cringed biting her lip. 'I'm gonna go find him are you ok to…'

'Yea of course, me and mom have it covered.' Lucas smiled at her. 'I'll call over tomorrow ok.'

Haley turned the key to the café door as she stepped inside, a place that once filled her with a comforting sense of belonging and warmth now was frozen over, a chill hung in the air and she suddenly did not want to belong here. Sucking in a deep breath she tip-toed into the darkness over to the door beyond the counter which would lead her to where he was, at least if her instincts had been right. Haley came up the steps slowly breathing a sigh of relief as she stepped out onto the roof, where there little mini golf course was. There he was sitting on their little ledge.

Her worry was numbing to her now, the feeling so permanent the last few days but every now and again it would sting like it just did there, it would hurt a little more when she caught sight of him.

'Oh Nathan…' She said sadly as she saddled up beside him. He'd thrown his grey hoodie on over his black shirt and slacks, his hair completely raggedy and flat and as he sucked on the bottle of Jack Daniels she felt another sting to her chest. 'Don't..' She pleaded softly 'Don't do that..' She was Surprised when he willingly relented his grip on the bottle and she took it off him realising it was already half gone.

She sighed to herself as she brought the bottle to her lips sucking back a hefty dose of it before laying it to rest on the floor.

They stayed like that for the longest time just staring out at the night sky like they had so many times before up here and on the bleachers. They would just look at the stars, count the stars and talk about their lives, asks questions that teenagers never knew the answers to and maybe they never would. But like always they would promise to face it together.

'Do you want to walk back…we could.'

'No.' Nathan rasped out; his voice jagged.

'We could go to mine…'

'I don't want to.' He cut her off.

'Nathan..'

'I said I don't want to.' Nathan spat and Haley just shook her head silently sniffling a little, it was breaking her heart piece by piece seeing him like this.

He closed his eyes then shutting out the sound just like he had every other person and place he had come in to contact with these past few days. He didn't want to hear her cry; he didn't want her here period.

He opened his eyes then as he felt Haley shuffling beside him as she clambered off and seconds later she was gone.

And then the pain hurt even more. Because of course he wanted her here. He didn't even know it at the time but he had wanted her to find him, maybe that's why subconsciously he'd found himself on this rooftop; their place.

Time seemed to escape him when he was feeling this indifferent to everything, the chills didn't run through his bones anymore as the night drew in, he was already frozen over. But for a split second that frost thawed as he felt her around him again before he even seen her.

And it rattled him, that despite all the numbness to such horrific events she could still make him feel something.

He watched wordlessly as Haley threw a ray of cushions from the corner couches in the café onto the grassy patch of their mini golf course. She then put his mom's ragged throw down laying the cushions over it. 'Lie down.' She instructed emotionlessly and Nathan actually found himself dragging his body over to her. Before he lay down he tossed off his grey hoodie leaving him in a black shirt. He passed it to her giving her a knowing look, saying nothing as he lay out on the throw.

Haley tossed his hoodie over her head, it swallowing her form and she felt such a sense of warmth in other ways that she had lost in the past few days. She unzipped the sleeping bag then opening it wide so it would cover them both like a quilt and she lay down beside him before pulling it over them.

She felt Nathan huddle in closer to her then wrapping his arm around her as she moved close to him resting her head against his chest, his head resting above hers.

And they just laid there like they did that very first time 3 nights ago, no words exchanged, they lay there both in comfort and in fear of what lay ahead.

XXXXX

Two weeks later…

Haley thumped on the door loudly before it pulled back and she narrowed her eyes at the girl standing in front of her with her arms crossed.

'OH Haley..' Theresa said sweetly but Haley knew it was an act.

'I'm surprised you came to my party.' She goaded but Haley just scoffed at her.

'Have you any respect? This town has suffered two tragedies in the last few weeks and you're throwing a party…'

'Well you're the one that's showing up at my door.'

'I came to find Nathan..'

'God and you say you're not into him.' Theresa goaded. 'You're beginning to look desperate…besides he's having the time of his life in there so I think a party was just what he needed.'

'You would say that.' Haley spewed as she shoved past her. It had been two weeks since she and Nathan had slept out on the roof on top of the café and since then he seemed to be on a downward spiral, he hadn't shown up for school and for the most part he was dodging them; his phone was always off, he wasn't at Deb's with Lucas' where he was supposed to be staying and he definitely wasn't at home. She hadn't even been planning on going to this stupid party that Theresa wouldn't shut up about in school until Peyton said he was here.

Haley went down the hall into the living room then where everyone was roaring around him as he drank straight from the keg. She wouldn't have even recognised him in his black t-shirt, jeans and baseball cap which was backwards on his head. He never wore that. Peyton squeezed out of the living area then tapping Haley on the shoulder. 'Good luck, he's like Lucas used to be back in sophomore year.'

Haley sighed as she took Peyton's red cup.

'Hey..' Peyton admonished.

'I'm sorry I just need something strong if I'm going to try and drag his ass out of here. What brings you here, anyway, thought you hated Theresa.' She teased.

'I do but there's free booze..' Peyton shrugged. 'You need help with that?' She grimaced as they watched Nathan stumble from the keg before mindlessly grabbing a shot glass from Theresa as he knocked it back.

'That's it…' Haley fumed as she stalked into the living room. 'Nice try…' She said with her hand on her hip trying to look daring as she came up to Nathan and pointed towards his hat. 'What you think I wasn't going to notice you?'

She seemed pissed but he was too high to care. 'Haleey.' He hugged her then almost knocking her over before he pulled back smirking. 'I knew you would come.'

'Jesus Nate how much have you had?' The stench of alcohol off him was overbearing.

Seconds later a guy who she recognised from school but didn't really know came over circling his hands around Haley's waist. 'Damn girl…you are fine.'

'Hey off her man…she's with me.' Nathan shoved him roughly and the guy just laughed at them. 'Weren't you with that lanky brunette?'

Haley's shook her head. 'You kissed Theresa?' She blew out, hadn't he been harping onto her for weeks about how annoying she was being and how he wanted nothing to do with her.

'What? No….at least I don't think so, I can't really remember.' Nathan smirked.

'Great Nathan…'

'Come on Hales, I'm having fun….don't you want to have some fun?' He threw out carelessly and without warning threw her over his shoulder carrying her through the house.

'Nathan put me down!'

Nathan just laughed as he carried her through to the kitchen where there were girls standing on top of the counters doing kegs. 'Go on Hales show us what you got.' He goaded as he landed her on the counter with a mischievous glint in his eye.

He'd never being so indifferent towards her feelings. He was chasing the high, the escape so much that his behaviour was barely recognisable, he was someone else and she knew then that was exactly who he wanted to be. She could hear the roars of people she didn't even know around her encouraging her to go for it as Nathan lifted her towards the keg.

Fuck it, being as stubborn as he knew she was, she wasn't going to back out but she wasn't about to partake in his fall from grace either. She would knock him out of this just before the night was over, she knew the alcohol offered him a temporary high now but soon all that drink would do the exact opposite and that's when she would plan her attack. Haley wasn't letting this happen to him, it could go on for weeks and weeks would turn into months and he was better than this.

He was so much better than this.

'Chug, chug, chug….' Everyone chanted as Haley took a drink before she pulled back and Nathan dropped her back to her feet as everyone cheered and slurred drunkenly around them.

'Happy?' Haley said standing her ground as she turned back around to face him. Nathan just smirked as she caught onto the red cup that was dangled in his face by god knows who and drank it all the while holding Haley's gaze.

She sighed as she moved away from him. It was going to be a long ass night.

Hours later Haley came upon Nathan sitting on the staircase, his t-shirt was tattered with drink stains, his hat long discarded, his hair was a mess it was much longer than it had ever being before, she was sure he didn't even see himself when he looked in the mirror these days.

'You ready to get out of here Rockstar?' Haley bumped his shoulder playfully as she sat down beside him on the stairs. 'You so owe me, I swear I've never being groped as much in life, Theresa told everyone there was a hot virgin in her house.' Haley obviously joked.

'I didn't want you here Haley.' Nathan mumbled then, his tone was void of any emotion, she couldn't really tell if he was angry or just plain fed up, he was completely aloof.

'Come on.' She said then as she tugged on him to move off the stairs. They walked quietly out of the house, Nathan was a little wobbly brushing against more than usual but other than that she could tell he was sobering up a little and that elusive high was wearing off. 'We missed you at school, Principal Turner gave a really nice sermon, he spoke about you…'

'I don't want to hear this Haley!' Nathan spat out then, his previous aloofness gone as frustration took over him. He stalled walking alongside her then, his jaw clenched.

'What you can't even talk to me now?' She said then as she turned around. 'It's been two weeks Nathan…you've barely said a word to me since the funeral, you're gone all the time….'

'Well maybe I don't feel like talking.' Nathan quipped just daring her to even go there.

Haley sighed dejectedly. 'I'm trying to let you deal with this how you need to….but pushing me away…it's not going to work Nathan, that's never going to work.'

'Screw this I'm going back to the party.' He said turning on his heel.

'And what're you going to do….drink yourself into oblivion, stop it Nathan this isn't you!' She tugged on his arm then but he harshly shoved her away from him.

'Exactly Haley in case you haven't realised I don't want to be me right now!' He began walking again not waiting for her retaliation.

'You're not going in there.' She said as she stubbornly stood in front of the gate, he could easily shove her out of his way, she knew that but she wasn't about to give up.

'Fine.' Nathan gritted out to her surprise which turned to absolute distress as she watched him take out his keys and unlock the car.

'Nathan…' She all but screamed as she scrambled into the passenger side. What the hell was he thinking? 'You can't drive, you've been drinking.'

'Yea well thanks to you I'm completely sober now.' He said sarcastically as he went to put the keys in the ignition.

'Stop it!' She shouted at him as she went for the keys but he was strong as he barged his arm up in front of her and started the car.

'Nathan I'm warning you turn the car off right now.'

His face was completely vacant, no emotion in his usual blue orbs, his stance completely aloof again as he pressed the clutch down and put it in reverse. He began revving unmercifully loud as he backed the car out of where it was parked before pulling out and revving it harshly as he went down the road. Haley's cries howled out over the engine.

'Dammit Nathan you're scaring me!' She cried out, she looked over at him then her lips trembling as the tears rolled down her cheeks.

And it was like a flicker in him had been turned, her emotion triggering his, her fear….the car came to a complete halt in the middle of the road as he deadened the engine as he pulled the keys out, his body now trembling, his shaking hands dropped the keys to the floor beneath him.

Haley's sobs slowly began to eat away at everything inside of him.

He never wanted to be the reason she was afraid, the reason she felt unsafe.

He ran his shaky hands up his temples then leaning his head against the steering wheel as he let out a cry of frustration, the shield of indifference dissipating and giving way to immense, insurmountable grief as he thought about his mother.

Haley watched him heart-breakingly fall to pieces in front of her eyes and she felt completely and utterly helpless. She dried her own eyes on her sleeves before learning forward trying to peel his hands away from his head on the wheel.

He tried to fight her off but he soon conceded that fight as he peeled his head off the steering wheel. His eyes were painfully red mirroring his pain and remorse.

Haley pulled herself onto his lap without a second thought. She felt Nathan's head fall onto her neck, his tears soaking through her light sweatshirt, his anguish seeping into every part of her and she clung to him, Nathan wrapped his arms around her so tightly for fear that life would somehow swoop in and take her away from him too.

She wasn't sure how long they clung to each other like that until she felt Nathan lift his head up from her neck, his gaze trained downward.

'Don't…' Haley whispered softly as she brought her hands up to his cheeks wiping the path of his tears. 'Don't shut me out…'

He lifted his eyes to hers then, both their breathing heavy from their emotional turmoil, she watched his eyes drift down towards her lips before looking back to her and she swallowed hard suddenly very aware of their close proximity, she could feel his hot breath fanning across her lips and she wanted to…..

Startled by her reaction Haley clambered off him awkwardly hitting into the gear stick as she went back to her respective seat.

What the hell had she being thinking…had she really considered kissing him? Clearly all of this was messing with her emotions to the extreme.

'Let's go home.' Haley said softly to him then hoping he'd caught no inclination to her inner panic from what had transpired between them moments before.

Haley hadn't even realised her eyes had begun watering as she stared at the picture of the two of them so blissfully unaware of what lay ahead for them. She knew those weeks following Karen's death had changed her, had changed them but she could almost explain it away as being a direct cause of the situation, her feelings so heightened for him because of the pain he was going through.

She remembered feeling the urge to kiss him that night in his car and explaining that urge away as a need to comfort him in some way, she never questioned it after that.

Maybe she had always been to afraid too. Sighing softly to herself Haley popped the picture frame back down on top of her dresser as she turned back around to her open suitcase. She needed to get away from here, she was surrounded by memories, their memories.

And even those memories, bounded by the past didn't make a whole lot of sense to her anymore.

Haley picked up her phone then her fingers just hovering over his name. She knew Nathan was flying back today, she wasn't going back today but if he could see the boarding ticket sitting in the back pocket of her jeans he'd learn she wasn't going back there at all.