Author's Note: I'm sorry I made you guys wait for this one! I did mean to update it before Christmas, but then I had Christmas fics to write for the holidayblindspot event on Tumblr, so I had to back-burner this. Anyway, it ended up being less epic than I first visualised, but true to the moment, I think.

And yes, this will be my last update of the year, and the decade, even! Here's hoping 2020 brings us an amazing conclusion to canon, some wonderful fanworks, and hopefully a few new faces to the fandom! On with the fic...

What happened, Kurt?

The question was on Jane's lips, but she swallowed it. Answers could come later. What mattered right now was that her husband was leaning over her, radiating a need that was only partly sexual, inviting her back to their marital bed.

He straightened and backed off a step, giving her space to decide—as if she needed it. Whether sex ended up being part of the equation or not, she knew exactly where she was spending the rest of the night.

She pushed back the bedcovers and stood up, wrapping her arms around his waist before he could try to give her any more room. He exhaled hard, embracing her in return, seeming grateful just to hold her. Jane rested her head on his shoulder, brushing her lips over the side of his jaw and sliding her fingers up his naked spine to press her palms against his shoulder blades.

Between them, his cock was only just beginning to harden, another indication his invitation to bed wasn't made because he needed to get off. She nuzzled his stubbled jawline and murmured, "Okay. Let me quickly stop by the bathroom, and I'll see you in a minute?"

For a moment, his embrace tightened, as though the idea of letting her go was too much to bear. But then he loosened his grip, drawing back enough that he could look her in the face, checking she was okay with everything.

Jane gave him a quick kiss that was meant to be a 'see you soon', but the subtle shiver that went through him gave her butterflies. She stepped past him almost shyly, letting her hand linger on his side for a moment. "Okay?"

He nodded, his expression somewhere between lost and longing, and she retreated into the bathroom, her emotions a confused mess.

As she relieved herself and washed her hands, she considered what to do. He'd obviously remembered something that had made him want to be close to her, but despite his body's reaction, his mind might still be too conflicted for sex.

They should cuddle up in bed for a while, talk about what he'd dreamed, and then see where it took them. Communication with Kurt these days was a little harder than it had been before the coma—he guarded his feelings much more now, still remembering how to open up—but maybe he'd want to talk about it a little if he was holding her, in their bed.

Jane took a deep breath and left the bathroom, finding that Kurt had already switched off the lamp in Avery's room and had left the door to their dimly lit bedroom ajar. She hesitated in the doorway, finding Kurt sitting on the edge of the bed, still wearing only a pair of sweatpants.

He got to his feet as she came in, and she shut the door behind her automatically, her attention fully on her sexy-as-hell husband.

Kurt met her halfway across the room, the haunted look in his eyes still present, now joined by desire. As he lightly rested his hands on her waist, she slid her hands up his biceps. "Not sleepy?"

"I don't wanna talk."

Immediately, Jane's good intentions evaporated. "Okay."

He kissed her, hot and demanding, but far too brief. As she melted against him, trying to catch her breath, he gazed down at her. "Okay?"

She nodded, her pulse already racing at the growl in his voice. "I'll let you lead."

Kurt answered with another kiss, longer this time, and no less searing. She wrapped her arms around his neck and rubbed shamelessly against his hard-on, parting her lips to deepen the kiss, letting him taste her and tasting him in return. He slipped his hands under the back of her shirt, lifting it as he explored her back. Jane raised her arms above her head in invitation for him to strip the tank top off altogether, and he broke their kiss, breathlessly looking down at her revealed skin as he pulled away the fabric that separated them.

It was strange to have him gaze at her breasts as though he'd never seen them before. The tattoos over and around her nipples had made her feel a little self-conscious during their first time, until he'd kissed and nuzzled each one, teasing them into hard points and smiling at the way she'd whispered his name.

This time, he used his hands, stroking and pinching, rolling her nipples against the pads of his thumbs the way she loved him to. Whether he remembered making love to her or not, his body still carried the muscle memory, and she smiled up into his face, pressing into his touch.

"What?" he murmured, frowning a little.

"Your body still remembers me, even if your mind doesn't." She slid her hands down the back of his sweatpants, cupping his ass in both hands and drawing him as close as she could.

"Could have told you that days ago." He kissed her neck provocatively, his lips and tongue making her skin tingle, and stroked one hand lower down her body, into her pyjama pants. When his fingers found her slick and ready for him, he groaned.

"God, Jane. I want to do so much with you, make this last for hours, but all I can think about is—"

Jane pushed his pants down over his hips, then took hold of his thick, hard cock. "I know. It's okay."

He exhaled shakily, kicking off the pants, then thrusting into her hand. "Feels so damn good to have you touch me."

They moved slowly towards the bed, Jane still slowly stroking his cock, revelling in his pleasure. Kurt guided her onto the mattress, then tugged off the remainder of her clothing, swallowing hard as he took in the sight of her fully naked body for the 'first time'.

Unable to tear her gaze from the hunger in his eyes, Jane pulled him closer. As he moved over her, she met his desperate kiss eagerly, reaching down to stroke him again. Kurt cursed under his breath as Jane positioned his cock at just the right spot to let him in.

"We're good for birth control?"

She smiled, despite her frustration. She ached for him to fill her, her pulse pounding between her thighs, but she respected his need to check. "We're good for everything."

He surged forward, driving into her almost completely with one thrust. Jane grabbed his ass and tilted up, adjusting the angle so that his second thrust buried him as deep as he could get. "Oh, god, Kurt, I missed you."

His cock pulsed within her, but he didn't move, his face pressed against the side of her neck as he pinned her down. A shudder of pleasure shook him, but otherwise he kept still, breathing her in.

It reminded her more of their first time after she'd gotten back from Nepal than their first time ever, and her arousal-fogged brain gradually put together what he must have been remembering earlier. The time he spent without me.

Just as she had that night, she held onto him as tightly as she could and whispered, "I'm right here."

He lifted his head and kissed her, and she could almost taste the loneliness he'd remembered. As she kissed him back, stroking his hair, pouring all of her love into the moment, he rolled them over, then wrapped his arms around her to keep her close.

"I love you," she murmured against his lips, and kissed him again, letting him know she didn't expect him to return the declaration.

He cupped her head in both hands, easing her back from the kiss. He didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. She could read it plainly in his face, and they both knew it.

Even if it took a little more time to leave his lips, this unspoken moment was enough of an affirmation of his love. She smiled, joyful tears stinging her eyes, and gave him a fierce kiss.

And finally, finally, he gripped her hips and began to take her from below—slow, powerful thrusts that made her muscles begin to coil in pleasurable anticipation. She caught his rhythm, riding his cock, taking control instinctively while he explored her body with his hands. It didn't take long for her to cry out with ecstasy, all the stress and the worry of the past few weeks releasing in strong pulses, making her arch and gasp and then collapse onto Kurt's chest.

He wasn't far behind her, rolling her over as his thrusts became rapid and insistent, and she dug her fingers into his back, knowing it always pushed him towards the brink. His climax shook through him as he drove into her a final few times, his satisfied growl making her smile.

They fell still, their breathing ragged as they held onto each other. Jane ran her fingers through Kurt's hair, enjoying the afterglow. Having her husband so close to her after all of the uncertainty of his memory loss was blissful, though she knew they still had a long way to go.

"You even awake?" she teased lightly, after a couple of minutes had passed.

Kurt's response was an incoherent grumble, and Jane laughed as he tightened his arms around her. After a moment more, he rolled onto his side, allowing her space that she wasn't sure she wanted. Jane gave him a slow, loving kiss before turning over, putting her back to him so that they could spoon together comfortably.

She also suspected he might open up a little more if she wasn't looking at him.

"I've spent so long imagining us together. This hardly even feels real," he admitted softly.

"You still don't remember all the other times we've done this?" She closed her eyes and focused on his voice, his body heat against her back, his hand resting over her heart.

"Does my imagination count?"

Jane smiled at the wry note in his voice, knowing he must have been driving himself crazy trying to recall their past intimacy. "Well, if you don't start remembering soon, I'll just have to guide you through a few re-enactments."

He drew her more tightly against him, obviously liking that idea, but stayed quiet. For a few moments, Jane began to fear that he'd fall asleep before she could get him to talk about the dream that had brought him to her in the middle of the night.

But if he did, didn't he deserve that? What they'd just done was—for him, and just for now—their first time together. If he wanted to quietly bask in the glorious release of that until he fell asleep, she should let him.

Part of her wanted to do the same. The past three weeks had been so stressful and emotionally agonising for her that this reconnection with Kurt was a huge relief. Surely talking about it all could wait until the morning?

Just as she was about to give herself permission to fall asleep, Kurt sighed, then mumbled, "I guess I owe you an explanation."

"You don't owe me anything, Kurt." She brought his hand to her lips and kissed his knuckles. "I won't deny that I'm curious, but I can wait, if you need some time."

He kissed the top of her head, acknowledging her words. "Thanks. But we…we should talk about it."

"Okay. What did you remember?" Between the way he'd looked when he'd come to her in Avery's room, and the way he'd made love to her, she had a few ideas. "Finding me, on the run?"

His grip tightened. "Losing you. The morning I realised you'd gone without me."

Oh, Kurt…

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, remorse tightening her throat. She stroked his back, hoping to reassure him. "I never wanted to hurt you."

He was silent for a while, as though trying to figure out how to express himself. "Other memories came back when I woke up. Empty beds. How I felt when I couldn't sleep."

She swallowed back tears, holding him as tightly as she could, wondering what she could possibly say to make it better. From her own side of the memory, it had been unbearable—and she'd been the one who'd chosen to leave. She couldn't imagine how much worse it had been for Kurt.

"Remembering that, it felt wrong that you were sleeping in there, alone. I just…" He fell silent, as though he'd reached his limit on how much he was comfortable sharing for one day.

"I'm glad you came to me," she said, when it was obvious he wasn't going to pick up the sentence again.

He kissed the back of her neck, and changed the subject. "Is it weird that I'm worrying about how good I am in bed compared to my past self?"

Jane couldn't help herself. She snickered, then outright laughed. It was such a guy thing to be worried about. Even when she'd been with Oscar, she hadn't obsessed about whether she was as good in bed as Remi had been—not that she'd known the name 'Remi' at the time.

Kurt rolled her over, rising on one elbow to look down at her. "What?"

"You're the same person, Kurt." She reached up to stroke her hand over his jaw, grinning. "Competing with yourself is totally pointless."

He rolled his eyes at her amusement, though she saw a glimmer of it in his expression, amidst the insecurity. "It's not that. I just…feel like I could have done better tonight, that's all. For you."

"I got what I needed." And I know you love hearing that. "Our actual first time together was over pretty quickly, too. I think we were so used to being interrupted by then, we just wanted to get on with it so that no one could stop it from happening."

He nodded, tracing the tattoo below her collarbones with gentle sweeps of his fingertip. "Makes sense."

"But a little later, we made up for everything we didn't do the first time." She nuzzled his hand. "Anyway, tonight was a lot less physically painful than back then. We were both covered in cuts and bruises that night, and your leg was still healing, so…"

"What happened to my leg?" Kurt frowned.

Jane reached down under the covers, skimming across his thigh until she could find the slightly rough scar where the puncture wound had been. "You haven't been wondering what this one was from? I can tell you the story, if you want."

"Is it gonna be dramatic and angst-ridden?" He rested his hand over hers, desire in his eyes.

"Probably."

Kurt leaned down to kiss her, and she submitted to the affection willingly, her mind already skipping ahead to what he might be planning next. She'd almost forgotten their conversation when he picked it up again, his voice a low growl.

"Save the story for tomorrow. There are other things I want to work on remembering right now."

Jane was too busy gasping with pleasure to reply.