If I Can't Have You
Summary: The Avengers are the best band on the planet, with the best gigs and the most talented musicians in the world. That was fact. The world has long since accepted it. That is until an old friend comes for two of their members and the world is shaken as an old group comes back together once again to make waves. And not small splashes. Tsunamis! Friendship, love and family go a long way to break the chains of society, after all.
Rhodey was already loving the Civil War concert.
It was supposed to be all about the Avengers but the way they were all going right now, if things proceeded down this road, no one will even remember whose concert they have technically attended. That was Toni's plan, of course. You don't piss off Toni Stark and not feel the consequences. They had decided to up their jerk levels? Toni had finally regained some sense and showed them the error of their ways in thinking Toni was just going to roll over, over and over again. She had her own breaking point and they've breached it, which was actually impressive enough on both sides.
Had he been in Toni's shoes, he would have blasted those morons off to space a long time ago.
It said quite a bit about how pissed Toni must have been to finally snap like that. Salting the earth was the final extreme of Toni's anger, after all.
Still, the concert in and of itself was going spectacularly. The fans were satisfied and happy, the Mystic Arts were blasting some really good music - though Stephen had been unsure as to whether they should play Toni's gift song, Doctor Strange, but Ms Anciento had insisted on it and he had given in; the respect he held for that woman was very interesting indeed and Toni's depiction of this new Stephen Strange, from the beginning of his journey to the man he had now become, was interesting and a very good song, as the fans agreed. Then again, it was Toni's song. About Stephen no less. Of course it would be good. No one knew that man better - and Toni herself seemed increasingly gleeful while the Avengers were finally starting to sweat it. They still weren't realizing just how screwed they were - between all the people they were pulling in from a thousand directions and the guests and opening acts that were invited, they had limited their own time on the stage to practically be not much longer than anyone else's and they were supposed to be the main show - but Rhodey gave zero fucks. As it was, before this week ends, the Avengers might as well be a thing of the past. Whatever direction Toni takes from now on, she'll flourish.
He still didn't know what made his best friend suddenly let go of all of that guilt and self-hate she used to carry like a crutch or her own cross to bear, but it was refreshing to see her so upbeat again. Toni Stark was beautiful on the worst of days but when she was happy, she was as radiant as the sun. Not Rhodes' words. He was quoting Stephen from that one time the former neurosurgeon got drunk around him. Not that Rhodey didn't agree. The description was spot on. The last decade or so of Toni's life had left her with very few reasons to smile, though, so it had felt like an eternal winter or something. Seeing it again felt like the return of spring and it was now progressively turning into summer the more Toni smiled and laughed openly.
The Avengers and co were gawking at her. She was a very different person like this. The change was truly incredible. They'd never seen her like this before. Like she used to be before Afghanistan. She had the PhDs back, her close relationship with Stephen had kicked off right where they had left it off and she now had a couple of boys who might as well be her own for how much she loves them.
And now that she was kicking the Avengers to the curb, there was no more added stress on her shoulders and she could be genuinely happy.
It was a pleasant, welcome change.
None of it, though, explained the sudden change of heart.
Nor her current excitement as she came back dressed in an outfit Rhodey easily connected to Walk Me Home, an old song written by the PhDs for their last album, after the Starks' death. Toni had been drunk and would have probably become a drug addict if not for the PhDs, Rhodey, the Storms and Grim. That song and the one Toni couldn't sing but insisted for Stephen to take it, If You Could See Me Now, had often driven Rhodes to tears. The PhDs had gifted those two masterpieces to Toni and her family.
The Avengers never had the capacity for sympathy to do something similar, for any of them.
"I swear you have more energy and glee in you than all those 12 PhDs fans out there combined," he teased his best friend, who only stuck out her tongue at him playfully, giving him a mock stink eye too to boot.
"I'm excited."
"I can tell. Mind sharing why?"
Toni only beamed broader even as she waved to the approaching Bruce and Reed. "The surprise guest is here!"
"Never seen you this excited about that, though," Reed, dressed in a blue and white jumpsuit, commented, bumping shoulders with Bruce, dressed in some khakis and a purple dress shirt, when Strange thanked the fans and his band, signaling the end of the Mystic Arts' twenty minute performance.
"Looks like we're up," the scientist said to his fellow scientists and they all waited for Strange to introduce them as the Mystic Arts walked off the stage and they congratulated them on a job well done.
"So let me call on stage my colleagues and immensely dear friends, the upgraded, a bit more mature and ultimately still kick-ass awesome 24 PhDs!" The roar that followed the greeting was seriously making Rhodey fear for his hearing but seeing the way Toni all but bounced onto the stage was so worth it. Though he was as confused as everyone when she placed a plastic but sturdy chair on stage beside the waiting bass guitar she was supposed to play and instead walked straight to the mike stand besides Stephen. Rhodey could make out the man's mouth moving but Toni didn't answer, instead taking the mike to her mouth and speaking.
"Good evening New York!" None the wiser as to what was happening or not, the people still greeted the one and only Toni Stark with enormous enthusiasm. Her presence alone usually meant it was going to be a blast, really. "Are you ready to rock!?" Screams of affirmative followed and Toni taunted the crowd a bit with obnoxious "I can't hear you"s before beaming when the entire stadium thundered with the response. "Then boy do we have a treat for you!"
"If Toni's goal is to literally blow the roof off of the walls of the stadium with all that noise, Pepper won't exactly be pleased," Carol commented as she came to stand beside him as they watched Toni work the crowd. "Any idea what she's aiming at?"
"No clue," Rhodey admitted to his secret crush honestly with a shrug. "All I know is that it has something to do with the surprise guest. Not sure why that would get her this hyped but Toni is something else. You can never be too sure with her."
"As Stephen here has already introduced us, we are the 24 PhDs. Some of you, however, originally know us as the 12 PhDs and those of you who do, also undoubtedly know that once on a stage like this there would have been five, not four member." Rhodey, Susan, Johnny and Ben flinched backstage as hard as Stephen, Reed and Bruce did on stage and as Pepper and Happy no doubt did in the VIP lounge. They all knew how that topic affected Toni and yet she was beaming. The crowd looked confused, too. A hush fell over the stadium, everyone listening with rapt attention to what the eccentric genius, billionaire, philanthropist, musician will say. "Over the years, I've been called many things. Without the PhDs, I would have never been able to be myself, to be the real Toni Stark. But without one man, I would have never been able to become Iron Maiden. And without him, we can't really be the PhDs either."
Murmurs now rose from the audience, confused and wondering, while backstage the Avengers were already talking amongst themselves how Toni had either lost her mind or she was 'plotting something'. Rhodey frowned and then his jaw dropped as an unsuspecting Peter and Harley helped a bald man with a neat beard and modest glasses dressed in what one would usually call a professor's get up out onto the stage. Rhodey couldn't believe his eyes. He couldn't tear them away from the man that should not be able to be here. Reed's family was probably having a breakdown at this change themselves. The Avengers were no doubt as clueless as ever. They hadn't even known the PhDs existed until less than a month ago! Why would they suddenly be able to recognize their last member now?
"So it is my deepest, greatest pleasure, as a musician, a friend and an overall human being, to introduce to you all none other than the man who saved my life at the cost of himself. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Dr Ho Yinsen, the last but certainly not the least member of the new and revised 24 PhDs!"
The Colonel could see how everyone's heads snapped over in Yinsen's direction when he came onto the stage, still weak and painfully thin with an IV line connected to him, but he stood proud and happy, warm near black eyes sparkling with fondness as Toni seemed to vibrate at the mere sight of him. Rhodey could only guess the man was grateful Toni's charging greeting was reserved for Stephen because she'd blow them both over if she tried. The lost member of the band took in the sudden deafening silence as everyone tried to take in what had just happened before an almost impossible roar filled the stadium as it all registered as to who was actually standing in front of them and what that actually meant.
"Yinsen?" Stephen asked into the strap on mike at his mouth which he forgot to turn off or move out of the way, so everyone heard him. The man just smiled and walked closer with the help of the two teens.
"Oh my thermonuclear astrophysics," Bruce sounded off, standing up from behind his piano at the same time Reed all but vaulted over the drum set, the three men all approaching where Yinsen had come to stand besides the beaming, happily crying Toni.
"What's going on? What's the big deal?" Romanoff asked somewhere behind him and Rhodes snapped out of his stupor. It was only Carol's steadying hand that kept him from collapsing to the ground and Viz was no doubt that same grounding presence for the Storms and Ben. All five of them would have ran out onto the stage to greet their friend who might as well have been walking the valley of death since Afghanistan back in 2008.
"Are you kidding me?!" Lang's voice was high pitched and sounded strained. Then again, as they had learned in the last month or so, he was probably one of the biggest fans ever of the 12 PhDs. "That's Ho Yinsen! Ho Yinsen! No one's seen or heard from him or about him in the past eight or so years! Ever since he fell into a coma back in 2008 after a grave injury sustained in Afghanistan! He's one of the most legendary bass players of all times! He's the bassist of the 12 PhDs! He's a musical legend and hero!"
"And he's also Toni's hero," Viz interrupted before the man could go further on in his rant and get off the topic. It was clear the Avengers weren't getting the bigger picture, the mainframe of this story. "He's the reason she's alive today. He helped her develop the pacemaker technology keeping her heart pumping while they were in a cave, in captivity by the Ten Rings terrorist cell. He nearly sacrificed his life to endure Toni will get out of that cave. It's luck and Toni's stubbornness that kept him alive long enough for Colonel Rhodes to find them in the desert."
All eyes turned to him at that and he had to clear his throat in hopes of finishing the story. "They were held captive for three months. Toni blew their camp sky high, which alerted us to activity in that sector and helped us find them. Toni had been carrying him with some improvised sling slash stretcher for hours. They were burned from both the hot sun and the explosions, they were bruised and scratched and dirty as all hell. Yinsen had a major wound in his gut and was bleeding to death. I think he was in shock despite the heat because of the blood loss. Toni got the best doctors in the world to operate on him and while they have stabilized him and he did survive the initial trauma, he had fallen into a coma and hadn't come out since 2008. I don't ... How ... ? When ... ?"
"It's okay," Carol shushed him as she drew him into a hug, holding him close. Rhodey appreciated it. Yinsen was a dear friend to him, too.
"I thought he died?" Rogers' thoughtless question made them all stiffen. He was quick to clear it up though. "I mean, the way everyone always avoided talking about him and all that. Toni's survivor's guilt ... "
"... Are you seriously trying to diminish it by saying she should feel less guilty because he hadn't died?!" The furious Susan growled at the blond guitarist, looking ready to rip him apart. The way Carol, too, tensed made Rhodey wonder how he hadn't fallen in love for this marvelous woman sooner. Then again, it could be because her former dick of a manager rarely let her have any free time for herself. Yon Rogg was nearly as big of a dick as the Avengers were.
"No, of course not!" Rogers tried to backpedal but he obviously had no idea who he was dealing with because once Sue got going, god help you.
"Ho's entire family was already killed by the Ten Rings and he couldn't do anything to save them. Then Toni was carted into their cave with severe heart trauma and he had to keep her alive. He was ready to die to get her out of there! Because he couldn't live with himself if the woman he considered family was also killed in front of him and he didn't do anything about it! Because he couldn't face the rest of the PhDs and tell them Toni, who was like their little sister, died on his watch! Because he couldn't bear to tell Rhodey, Pepper and Happy why the woman that made them family was gone! Because he couldn't look Stephen in the eyes and tell him the woman he loved was gone forever because he hadn't done more! And because he couldn't take the knowledge that the world was robbed of Toni Stark under his care. The guilt and grief would have killed him as surely as a bullet would. And in turn Toni's guilt was no better these last eight years. Not that any of you would understand guilt or basic human emotion. You disgust me." Needless to say, all of the Avengers were gaping at the blond woman, who couldn't even look at them anymore.
The sound of Yinsen's rough, a bit scratchy voice from lack of use over the good part of the decade stopped whatever else anyone would say, drawing their attention to the now seated bassist holding his guitar at the ready for the song to follow his little speech. "Some of you may wonder how I am here. Some of you may not even know why others would be wondering at all. As Toni had said, I have been there with her, in Afghanistan, when she was captive. My homecoming wasn't as pleasant as hers. I was in a coma for, as I learned a few days ago, eight years. The world moved on while I was sleeping. She didn't. She kept me alive, searched for something to wake me up, all this time. And when she was least expecting it, she found the answer. So Now You Know," he smiled as some people in the crowd laughed. Rhodey felt like choking on the air that struggled to make its way into his lungs. Of course Yinsen would wake up to that song playing probably on some news feed or MTV or some other music or celebrity centered channel. And it was the first real glimpse of Toni's old, real self since the kidnapping. "So without further ado, we are the 24 - apparently - PhDs and we hope you will sing along."
Reed took that as his cue as he immediately started the beat. Rhodey now understood, though, why this was one of the songs chosen for the PhDs. The bass was limitedly used as most of the song was actually Toni and Reed. But it was also chosen for the backup vocals being all four of the male members of the band, a harmony of five voices not heard since the death of one Mr Edwin Jarvis.
Rhodey thought he was going to choke himself on his own tears when Toni started singing and her voice carried so much emotion. More than ever before, which was saying something, considering she always put it in her all.
"There's something in the way you roll your eyes," Most of the stadium actually chuckled at those first words but Rhodey saw on the big screens filming the crowd that most of the people were seemingly mouthing the words along with Toni. They couldn't be heard as the music was still playing and Toni's voice was dominant due to the microphone. But it was clear a lot of people had become Avenger fans for Toni Stark, as had always been suspected to be the case.
"Takes me back to a better time
When I saw everything is good
But now you're the only thing that's good"
It really was a blast to the past, wasn't it? Life was once so much easier, there were more smiles than tears on their faces. The PhDs were an inseparable group that was a family in its own right and any friend of any of the members was somehow family, too. They were the largest family Rhodey knew of that had constructed itself, one member at a time, not because of blood but because of acceptance and understanding and kindness. Rhodey somehow wondered if he'll wake up at any point now, find himself in his old MIT dorm in his bed across the slumbering genius across from him with Dum-E, her first built robot, covering her after an all nighter, both of them years younger and still not knowing the true stress and grief the world could crash down on their young shoulders. Stephen would come into their room with a scowl on his face for accidentally standing him up for the usual study session and Reed and Bruce would poke their heads around him from the door frame, only to find Toni still out to the world and all their faces would melt in smiles and they'd just casually sit on the floor between the two beds and start studying like they belonged there. Then, a little later, Susan, Ben and Yinsen would arrive with coffee, which would wake Toni up and she'd be all over all of them before settling against Stephen with Yinsen on her other side petting Dum-E and Rhodey would feel the tender love of an older sibling as he watched her doze off against the future neurosurgeon and life would seem perfect. God, he actually almost wanted to wake up, if only to find all those years had been ugly nightmares and that none of them had suffered or lost or been unmade.
But it wasn't. And somehow, Toni was once again back up on that stage like she used to be, beaming and smiling and laughing even as tears trailed down her cheeks. They've loved and lost and are now all the more mature for it, are wiser and more experienced. They're different people and yet he could bet the band on stage felt as much like teenagers as Rhodey did himself at the moment as the song played on.
"Tryna stand up on my own two feet
This conversation ain't comin' easily
And darling, I know it's getting late
So what do you say we leave this place?"
As Toni hummed and the music exploded with the other instruments - most notable the actual bass guitar and not a sound modifier from the electric keyboard Bruce was only sparsely using for some sound effects of instruments none of them would ever actually use - the crowd followed Toni into the choirs with gusto, actually being heard along with her, which only made the PhDs grin as all of their voices washed over the arena.
"Walk me home in the dead of night
I can't be alone with what's on my mind
So say you'll stay with me tonight
'Cause there is so much wrong going on outside"
The Stark car accident, the funeral, then Mr Jarvis' death, his funeral ... Yinsen's coma, Toni's grieving ... It all fit in with the lyrics. Every single damned time the PhDs and the rest of them were there for Toni ... Drunk or not when she actually wrote this thing with them, she had hit it spot on, like always.
"There's something in the way I wanna cry
That makes me think we'll make it out alive
So come on and show me how we're good
I think we could do some good," and Toni hummed again as she came to stand besides the sitting Yinsen, not ashamed to cry and then leaned on Stephen when he came to stand on her other side. They were a united front, all of them, in that special way how they never blocked Reed at the drums or Bruce at the piano/keyboards. Rhodey cheered with the crowd as they all sang again, swept away by their energy, by their happiness to be all together again, to be playing again.
"Walk me home in the dead of night
I can't be alone with all that's on my mind
Say you'll stay with me tonight
'Cause there's so much wrong going on outside
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh"
The music gentled and was almost not there at all, Toni being the only thing heard with only traces of Stephen and Yinsen on their guitars.
"Walk me home in the dead of night
I can't be alone with all that's on my mind
Say you'll stay with me tonight
'Cause there's so much wrong going on"
And the music exploded one more time, with all of their voices, Toni leading them through it, the fans following, the backstage people singing along with grins and tears - especially those who knew this bands story. Hell, even Peter and Harley were drawn in to sing, Toni shoving her mike in their faces while she tugged Stephen down so they could sing into his earpiece together, neither bothered by the intimacy of the gesture and the lack of space between them, like always. But, Rhodey mused to himself, that was natural for them, wasn't it. Seeing them apart in the same room would be weird.
"Walk me home in the dead of night
I can't stay alone with all that's on my mind
Say you'll stay with me tonight
'Cause there's so much wrong
There's so much wrong
There's so much wrong
Going on outside," Toni finished and the music died down. And the stadium thundered with applause and whistles and cheers. And the 24 PhDs all beamed.
"Thank you, New York! You're wonderful!" The band easily intoned together, grinning like idiots but they never looked better for they had not been this happy for a decade. Rhodey wanted the run out there and be with them, to celebrate this incredible miracle, but this was their moment.
He figured he'd get his chance later.
He and Toni have a duet, after all.