Rey joined me on the balcony fifteen minutes later, giving me enough time to get myself together.

We began with her showing me what she'd learned from Luke, which wasn't much, and we spent the rest of the day building her mental control.

By nightfall, we were exhausted. She asked for dinner to be sent to her room, and retired early.

I ate my own dinner at the table, and curiosity had me turning on a news holo caster, in search of the statement that the First Order had released about me.

As soon as I saw Hux's sneering face, I regretted my decision.

He had indeed declared himself acting Supreme Leader in my absence, and had vowed vengeance on the person responsible for my disappearance, his pale eyes sparkling with wicked glee.

I had to go back.

He'd tear the galaxy apart if I didn't stop him.

But, going back meant leaving Rey, and my stomach tied into knots at the thought.

I put my elbows on the tabletop and buried my head in my hands.

The Bond hadn't been accepted. We weren't mated. But, I couldn't leave her.

Not when she'd just left the Resistance and didn't have a home to go back to.

I also couldn't continue to ignore my responsibilities.

I stood, and turned the lights off, deciding to go to bed and work this out tomorrow.

oOo

I found myself on a dark hillside, struggling to find my footing in the soft ground. I stepped, and the rocks gave way under my foot, causing me to fall forward.

I pushed myself up, trying to find solid ground, but each step I made caused more ground to unsettle.

I kept moving forward, kept climbing, clawing my way to the top, and found footing enough to stand.

The hilt of my lightsaber was slick when I unbolted it from my belt. The sound of it igniting broke the still silence and I used its light to look down.

Wide, unseeing eyes stared back at me, from still faces frozen in terror, their mouths locked open in unsound screams.

I stumbled, and fell back onto the hilltop.

No, onto the mountain made of mutilated bodies.

In the sputtering red glow, I realized that my lightsaber hilt was slick with blood, and I dropped it, frantically wiping my hands on my pant legs.

They were also slick with blood.

I scrambled to my feet, but fell forward, into the endless sea of victims.

Of my victims.

oOo

I bolted upright, the chill night air clinging to my sweat dampened skin, and hurtled toward the bathing room. I slipped when my bare feet hit the tile floor, falling to my knees and crawled the rest of the way to the toilet, where I was violently ill.

For several moments, the only sound in the room was my wretching as I vomited again and again.

I felt a cool hand on my bare back between my shoulders and I jerked.

"Breathe." Rey softly commanded, kneeling next to me.

I sucked a breath in through my mouth, and vomited again.

Her fingers brushed either side of my face as she pulled my hair back, holding it there until my stomach completely emptied.

I pulled away from her, and stood on wobbling knees, holding onto the sink as I washed my mouth out with clean water from the faucet. Once, twice, a third time, before I turned the water off and sank back to the floor. I curled up on my side, chest heaving as i tried to breathe, and shaking nearly to the point of convulsions.

I heard the water be turned on and off again, and then Rey was next to me, putting a cool, damp cloth on my brow.

"Breathe." She said, again.

I tried, but it felt like my chest was caving in.

She laid down behind me, and pressed her chest to my bare back, snaking an arm under my neck, and wrapped the other around me, gripping my tightly. "Focus on me." She said. "Do you feel how I'm breathing?"

I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling the gentle rise and fall of her body against mine. In. Out. In. Out.

"Breathe like me." She whispered, and I felt her breathe in.

I obeyed, taking in a lungful of air.

"Good." She praised. "Again."

I inhaled with her.

We laid like that, on the cold bathroom floor until my shaking subsided, and I felt her move to get up.

I looked up at her in panic, but she shook her head. "I'm not leaving you." And I relaxed.

She helped me to my feet, and walked me back into my bedroom.

My bed was an utter disaster, but she didn't even look at it, as she steered me toward her room.

"Lay down." She instructed, and I didn't object, climbing into her bed.

She laid down behind me, as she had been, and pulled the comforter up to cover my shoulders, wrapping her arms around me again.

I counted her breaths, until I slipped back into a dreamless sleep.

oOo

I woke slowly the next morning, taking a moment to recognize where I was.

The events from the night before came flooding back, and I looked behind me for Rey.

The bed was empty where she'd been.

I moved the covers, and went to stand, realizing then that I was nearly naked, having only worn my boxers to bed.

Before I could panic about having to streak across the hall in my underwear, I saw my robe draped along the foot of the bed.

Rey must have left it there for me.

I pulled it on, tying the sash around my waist, and walked out.

I found Rey the same way I'd found her yesterday morning, at the table with platters of food in front of her.

She paused, fork halfway to her mouth, and told me "Good Morning."

"Good morning." I said back, my voice scratching along my raw throat.

"This came for you." Rey said, handing me a beige colored envelope, sealed with purple wax, and stamped with the seal of Naboo.

It had maple syrup fingerprints on it, and she offered an apology before sucking the sticky goo off of her fingers.

I opened it and read the note inside.

"It's an invitation for dinner tonight." I told Rey. "Ciir'sae is throwing a party."

I put the invitation on the table and sat down in a chair next to her.

"Are we going?" Rey asked.

"Seems impolite not to." I said, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand.

I felt fear Buzz down the Bond and my forehead creased.

I looked up at Rey who was rolling a sausage link around her plate with her fork. "Do you not want to go?" I asked.

She looked up at me. "What if everyone knows I'm a scavenger?"

My forehead crease deepened. "What?"

"I've never been to a party, and I don't know how to be around queens or politicians and what if I go in there, and everyone takes one look at me and knows that I'm just a Jakku slave." She crossed her arms to cover her markings, and looked down.

I reached over, and gently put my knuckle under her chin, pushing it up.

Her eyes flickered up to mine. "You've never been just a slave." I told her. "And, you are so much more than a scavenger. When people look at you tonight, they'll just see how beautiful you are. "

She smiled, her eyes sparkling. "You think I'm beautiful?"

"Yes." I told her. I lowered my shields, and showed her herself, but the way I saw her, how I'd always seen her. Before her, my life was a black hole of rage and grief. I'd been too consumed by my own nothingness to notice or care. But, she'd came into my life, her warmth and light thawing the heart I'd thought long dead. And, now, there was color, and brightness, and beauty. But, also softness, and compassion.

"What did you see when we touched hands?" She demanded.

I blinked, taken aback, and snapped my shields up. "What?"

"What did you see when we touched hands?" She repeated.

The image flashed into my head, and I frowned. "I don't think you want to see it."

"I'll show you mine." She offered, and before I could protest, she lowered her shields.

I saw the two of us, walking hand and hand to a waiting group of younglings. A new generation of Force users, with Rey and me as Masters, as my mother looked on.

I went home? I became a Master? Rey had told me she'd seen my turn back to the Light but this?

She looked at me, her face expectant.

Oh. She wanted to see what I'd seen.

I hesitated.

"It cannot be that bad." She said.

Wanna bet?

She frowned when I didn't lower my shields for her to see. "Ben,"

"I don't think-" I started.

"Just show me." She insisted, and I did as she asked.

We were standing, facing each other, and I took her face in both of my hands and kissed her lovingly, smiling at her with a smile that creased my cheeks and the lines around my eyes.

"That's not-" she started, and stopped abruptly, seeing me kneel in front of her in the vision, and gently rub her enormous swollen belly, looking back up at her with so much love and devotion that it made my chest ache.

She gasped, and looked up at me, her eyes glistening.

"Rey," I tried to say but she jumped up and ran to her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

I heard the lock slide into place and winced.