** TRIGGER WARNING **

=== Chapter references emotional workplace abuse.

=== Antagonistic character briefly uses strong homophobic language.

=== So please feel free to skip this one, if these aren't things you feel up to reading about. *Hugs all*

AUTHOR'S NOTES :

** Modification date in the format (Year-Month-Day)

Modified (2019-12-10)

Chapter Sixteen – Bridge Over Muddy Waters

Rod's dreams remind him of one of the most emotionally confusing experiences of his life.

16 - BRIDGE OVER MUDDY WATERS

Rod tossed and turned in his sleep, as his dreams began to remind him of one of the most emotionally confusing experiences of his life.

- FLASHBACK (ROD RETURNS FROM HIS BUSINESS TRIP) -

Rod smiled out of the taxi cab window, as excitement pulsated through his poor weary body. He had done it! He had actually done it! He had secured long-term business deals with all the major corporate clients on his agenda. And he had written up and analyzed all the contracts that he had been asked to prepare. All in double-quick time! Sure, it had nearly killed him! But he had done it! And in less than half the time his boss had expected.

Indeed, Rod's boss had been so overjoyed by all the big profitable deals that Rod had secured for the bank that day, that he had even agreed to his top Investment Analyst's one and only request! And dismissed him early from the San Francisco Bay Business Team to enjoy a few extra vacation days back in New York.

Poor Rod had toiled non-stop since he arrived in California, working through the night, almost every night! In fact, on top of the jet-lag, Rod had only gotten in about eight hours sleep in five days! So he felt like a zombie, like the walking undead! But it was worth it! It was all worth it! Because now he got to head home five days earlier than planned! He was so happy! So incredibly exhausted for sure! But so so happy! He couldn't wait to see Nicky again and surprise him! He just couldn't wait!

Indeed, Rod felt even happier than usual to be returning home, because he knew his best friend was desperate to see him too! And he couldn't help but grin wildly, as he imagined the all too cute look of confusion that would no doubt grace his sweet Nicky's face, when he walked through the door five days earlier than planned! That look was going to be so priceless!

Last time he had spoken to his friend, poor Rod had only had time to relay a short confession. Because moments before the call, his boss had cornered him, and bombarded him with an embarrassing public diatribe. Reminding him that he better quote 'Damn well finish what he started! Or else pack up and kiss fucking goodbye to Wall Street forever!', before laughing at him in front of all his colleagues the moment his back was turned.

Rod screwed his eyes shut, as he remembered the humiliation.

"Well, what are you fucking waiting for?! A prince to save you?! Go on! Get lost Princess Periwinkle! Get back to fucking work! Or else kiss goodbye to everyone in the audience like a good little boy! He's gone right? God, what a fucking pathetic cuck! I hope the rest of you losers never beg to return home early like that! He's lucky I don't fire him on the spot for even suggesting such ridiculous snowflake nonsense! I swear, he's such a fucking fag sometimes! I don't think he's even got a girlfriend! But if by some miracle, he's managed to bag some unfortunate bimbo, I'm sure she cheats on him! He deserves it too! Because no one could ever truly love a pathetic cuck like that! God, what a loser! But we can't afford to be cuckold wimps like him! We've got work to do! It may not be fun, it may not be pretty, but we've gotta get all those suckers nailed into long-term cast iron contracts by Sunday! Else you'll all be living in a cardboard box come Christmas! Mark my words! So put up, or shut up!"

Rod clutched his hands to his chest, as the horrible things his boss had said about him a couple of days ago replayed in his mind. True, his boss had never been one to mince his words. Indeed, he had always been one of the most brutal bullies on Wall Street, in an industry that was already notorious for its 'unfriendly atmosphere'! However, despite his familiarity with his boss's 'tough love' managerial style, Rod couldn't help but tremble under the impact of his words. And he couldn't deny that the things his boss had said about him on that occasion, had cut especially deep into his vulnerable fragile psyche. Because every harsh word in that tirade, highlighted inner-condemnations Rod himself had harbored just below the surface for years.

'Got to focus on Nicky now!' Rod reminded his wobbly mind, as he tried to return to his optimistic outlook.

Nicky had left Rod so many text and voice messages over the past few days! So many in fact, that it was probably going to take him half the flight home just to fully absorb them all! But that didn't bother Rod, not in the slightest. On the contrary, he couldn't wait to devour each and every one of those swoon-licious recordings, and bask in the warm fuzzy feelings they would inevitably induce within his poor aching soul. Rod did feel a bit guilty that he hadn't been able to listen to the voice mail straight away. But unfortunately, his schedule had been so jam-packed with meetings, that he hadn't had time for any such personal indulgences!

However, Rod would soon be free to catch up on all the funny adorable little messages that his easily excitable roommate had sent his way. And he intended to revel in each and every one of those recordings and texts the moment he got settled on the plane. Still, he wasn't going to send any more replies. No. Of course, Rod wanted to call his best friend to share the joyful news of his early return. He wanted to call him more than anything! But he couldn't do it. Because if he did, it would ruin the surprise. And Rod really wanted to catch Nicky unawares for once!

Nicky was always springing surprises on Rod! Indeed, his perpetually bouncy playful friend frequently startled him with surprise hugs, surprise parties, surprise gifts, surprise songs he had conjured up from his random imagination, and the list went on! So now it was Rod's turn to surprise Nicky for once! Still, in order for the surprise to truly work its magic, he had to resist his temptations, and keep it zipped!

Rod rubbed his hands together anxiously, as he did his best to quell his irresistible urge to hit the green phone icon next to Nicky's adorable face. 'Must not ring Nicky! Must not ring Nicky!' He chanted in his mind, to try and ensure he remembered what to avoid. But of course, it only made him think about how heavenly it would be to hear the whimsical cheerful tones of his sweetheart all the more!

So instead, Rod did his best to focus on what he would need to pack when he returned to his hotel room. 'When I get back, I must carefully fold up each of my six suits, and make sure the correct tie is matched to each one. So that I don't end up miss matching them when I start work again next week. God, I can't wait to get back to New York! I swear, my heart belongs in that city, with Nicky!' He smiled again at the thought of returning home. He honestly couldn't wait to see his Nicky again!

However, Rod had one last thing to do in San Francisco before he could return home. He had to take a photo of the famous Golden Gate Bridge. With elephant sightings being rare in California, he had promised Nicky that he would do his best to take a selfie in front of that famous landmark! And he intended to keep that promise, because he knew how ecstatically happy the picture would make his sweetheart. So, no matter how indescribably tired he felt, he knew he must stay awake to complete this last mission. Before he packed up all his business suits and headed back to the airport to catch his six hour flight home.

- AT THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE -

Rod held out his smartphone to take the souvenir shot. Typically, he had to force smiles for photos, but this time he actually felt genuinely happy, so he didn't have to fake it. 'Don't worry, I'll be back soon Nicky!' He thought, as he checked to see how the pictures had turned out. Usually he never looked good in photos, but for some strange reason he actually looked kind of good in the last one.

Rod couldn't stop thinking about Nicky. Even in the midst of the chaotic atmosphere around him, Nicky was always there, in the back of his mind, waiting for him. He loved his friend so very much, in so many ways, but it was the deep romantic love that swirled the most euphoric adoration around his heart. He needed Nicky, and Nicky needed him, right? Just maybe not in the same way?

Rod sniffed and sighed deeply, as a light breeze swept past his still perfectly gelled hair. 'Nicky, I wish you knew just how much I love you. Sometimes I even feel like you love me the same way too. Is it crazy? Is it wrong? I swear, sometimes when you're near me I feel like our souls collide and sparks fly! And when you touch me… Wow. Words can't even describe the passion that explodes within me! God, what's wrong with me? Sometimes I even convince myself that you love me back, in some strange way. I know, it's insane, isn't it? Because you're my best friend, and you always will be. Still, I swear, at times it honestly feels like you love me, just as I love you. But I know you can't. Right? Or can you?'

Rod looked at his smartphone a moment, and scrolled through the endless pages of texts and voice mail alerts that his adorably mischievous roommate had sent him. 'Would Nicky really send me all these messages, if he only loved me like a friend? There are so so many!' A smile spread across his exhausted face, 'Seriously Nicky, what on Earth are you trying to tell me? Why do you always send me so many messages? Why do you sing me so many songs? Why do you surprise me with so many hugs and kisses? Because it feels like you give me so many more hugs and sloppy kisses than a straight guy would give someone he only thought of as a friend? Right? Am I right?'

Rod stared intensely at Nicky's image on his phone for a moment, praying that the answer would come. But it didn't. And Rod was left to wonder what Nicky's motives might really be. Still, he couldn't help but feel a rush of amorous devotion surge into his spirit. Thinking about Nicky always made him feel so special, so safe, so much less alone on this unfathomably large planet.

Rod beamed, as he stared out from the Fort Point parking lot, across the choppy ocean to the Marin Headlands in the distance. It seemed ridiculous, and yet, in some strange way, Nicky was like the Golden Gate Bridge over the troubled waters of his life. He didn't know when. And he didn't know how. But at that moment, Rod truly felt like one day Nicky would be the one to save him from his swampy tomb of torment. And that on that day, his lifelong devotion to his friend would finally make sense. Rod sighed, 'Maybe on that day, the muddy waters swirled up by Nicky's confusing behavior will at long last become clear?'

It was late in the afternoon, about 5pm, so the sun was very low in the sky. However, the warm dusk glow only made the bridge look even more stunning! And he couldn't help but gaze in awe at the magnificent intricately engineered structure that towered over him.

'Gosh. It's truly beautiful.' Rod thought, as he sighed wistfully, 'I only wish Nicky was here to see it with me. He would be jabbering on about some movie explosion or something I'm sure.' He giggled to himself, 'Oh well, he'll see the photos soon enough I suppose. Better take a few more, just for good luck.' He snapped a dozen more shots of the bridge before he turned back to the taxi cab waiting for him. He lingered a few moments, to fully absorb the stunning sights. Before he carefully climbed back into the cab.

"Gorgeous view, isn't it?" The taxi driver commented.

"Yes. It's truly stunning!" Rod smiled at him, "Thank you so much for bringing me here." He pulled out $40 from his wallet. "Could you take me back to the Palace Hotel now please? I've got to pack for my flight."

The taxi driver's eyes lit up at the sight of the money, "Well, thank you sir! That's very generous of you! You off home then?" He inquired.

"Yes, back to New York. My flight departs at six this evening from the San Francisco International Airport."

"Right, better get you back to the hotel to pack then!" The driver reassured him, "Don't worry, I know a short cut." He was a very friendly guy, albeit a little chatty, "You know, my ex-girlfriend dumped me next to that bridge."

"Oh, sorry to hear that." Rod said in slight surprise. "It's hard to imagine how anyone could break up with someone next to such a beautiful landmark."

"Yeah, well… Her departing words to me were, It's like the bridge between us is broken, and we're standing on the opposite sides of the country, with no line of communication between us. To this day, I've no idea what on Earth she was on about! But I found out later that she'd hooked up with some other dude behind my back! So good riddance I guess! No worries though, plenty more fish in the sea? Huh? How about you? You got a special someone back home?"

"Oh, um…" Rod was taken somewhat off guard by the question, and he wasn't sure how to respond. But he thought he best keep things vague, "Um, yes, kind of… Um, it's complicated." He settled on.

"Well, I'm sure she's a very lucky girl whoever she is! You're quite a catch!" The driver winked at him in his mirror.

Rod blushed, "Oh. Um… Well, gosh… Um, thanks. I always try to dress to impress!" He blurted out in the midst of their small talk.

"Well, gosh, you certainly impress! In fact, I'd date you in a heartbeat if I wasn't straight as a flag pole!" He joked. "Sorry, I'm just messin' with you! Hope I'm not embarrassing you sir? Only, you seem like such a nice guy! I just hope your special lady back home knows how lucky she is to have a guy like you on her arm! Polite, handsome, well dressed, generous… Lord, you're the whole package!" The driver winked again, as he turned back to head towards the city center.

Rod blushed profusely, he was starting to feel more than a little awkward now. "Um, well, yes… I'm, um, I'm sure she knows." He muttered, smiling, as he thought about how happy Nicky was going to be to see him.

- LATER ON THE PLANE -

Rod struggled to get comfortable in the somewhat cramped economy class seat he had booked. On the flight out to California he had of course been granted the luxury of a business class seat, with plenty of legroom and full recline. However, no matter how impressed Rod's boss had been with his achievements in the boardroom, he had drawn the line at paying for his minion's additional travel expenses! Thus, poor Rod had to cover the cost of his own ticket home. And unbelievably, even an economy seat was costing him a whopping $1200! So there was no way he was going to blow three months rent on the additional jaw-droppingly ridiculous $4000 needed to upgrade to a business class seat!

Nevertheless, as Rod kept reminding himself, all these little extra costs and struggles were worth it to be back by his beloved's side ASAP! Definitely worth it! True, Nicky would likely be fast asleep by the time he finally made it to the apartment. Because he probably wouldn't make it back to Avenue Q until gone 2am the next morning. But Rod didn't mind. He would happily snuggle down in the bed next to his sleeping beauty of a roommate, and wait for him to wake up! Indeed, surely it would only emphasize the surprise all the more! Because no doubt Nicky would be even more shocked to see his best friend suddenly appear in his bed like that! He would probably think he was still dreaming, or that Rod had beamed in on one of those Star Trek transporter gizmos he was always raving about!

Rod plugged his headphones into his smartphone, and began to play each of the recordings Nicky had left him over the past few days.

"Hey Rod! I know you said not to call unless it was an emergency and all. But jeez, I just saw somethin' amazin'! And it's so unbelievably awesome that I had to call you right away buddy! I had to! You'll never guess what I saw! A talkin' duck! Yeah, I know, you're probably thinkin'… Come on, stop being silly Nicky, talkin' ducks don't exist! But they do now! Cuz there's this new ad with this funny talkin' rubber duckie! God Rod! I know you're gonna love him! He's so adorable! I might even buy six bottles of the bubble bath in the promo, just to get the free poster for you! Cuz he's just that cute! I know, I know, you'd say… Nicky, that's ridiculous! But it's not Rod! It's really not! Besides, you know how much I love my time in the tub and all! Gotta have my nice long soak in the bubblies! So I'd probably use up that stuff in like a week anyway! Anywho, hope you're okay out there on your own? I'm worried about you is all. And I miss you so much buddy! So so much! Anywho, please call me! I long to hear your cute Rod voice! It's so borin' here without you. BEEP! End of message."

Rod felt his heart melt from pure joy upon hearing Nicky's sweet melodic tones. 'Oh Nicky, what is this strange obsession you have with rubber ducks? I swear, you're nothing but a big kid at times!' Rod shook his head in loving befuddlement. However, a smile quickly spread across his weary face, as he clicked on the icon to play the next message.

"Jeez Rod! Where are you? God, I miss you so much buddy! So so much! Gee, I know this is gonna sound kinda silly and all. But I can't sleep in the bedroom without you! So I'm campin' out on the sofa 'til you get home buddy! It's kinda fun, I guess. But it'd be so much more fun if you were here next to me! Think about it buddy! We could have a real life slumber party, just like the ones we had when we were kids! Jeez, we could even have a pillow fight! I know, it's against your Rod rules and all. But I'm sure you could bend the rules for some old-school Rod and Nicky fun-times, yeah? Just once. Anywho, please call me. I need my old buddy Rod back! I miss you more than a snowman misses the snow. Yeah, that's right, I'm meltin' into a puddle without you! BEEP! End of message."

Rod sighed, 'I miss you so much too Nicky. More than you know.' He clicked to play the next recording.

"Rod! Guess what buddy?! I ate this business gingerbread man earlier! Check your texts for the visual. But I swear, he looked so much like you buddy! Like your biscuit twin! He had your tie, your glasses and everythin'! Anywho, I had to text you a picture of him, cuz he was so adorable! Hope you got it? So cute right?! He was so tasty too! I licked each one of his little icing buttons from his jacket! And I swear buddy, I was thinkin' 'bout you with every lick! BEEP! End of message."

Rod gulped, as he pulled a tissue from his pocket and dabbed the sweat from his brow. 'What the hell?! God Nicky! How do you manage to make even the most innocent of things seem so sexual?! I swear, you have a gift for creating homoerotic tension from nothing! Jesus!' He took a deep breath, as he tried his best to banish any overly erotic gingerbread man imagery from his mind. Before he moved on to play the next recording.

"Rod, where are you buddy? I don't know how much longer I can survive without you! The boredom is killin' me! Jeez, I drank so much last night! I almost got arrest… Um, oops. Sorry, I wasn't supposed to… Um, never mind! Don't worry! Christmas Eve and Kate are lookin' out for me and all. So I'll be okay buddy. Promise! Just come back soon, yeah? Please buddy! I need my Rod by my side! BEEP! End of message."

Rod sighed again, though this time with an edge of disappointed concern. 'Oh Nicholas, when will you learn to do things in moderation and not drink so much? I swear, if you keep up this drinking you're going to end up needing a liver transplant or something! And I'm going to end up bankrupt paying for it!' He exhaled his lingering fears and frustration. 'Please, just learn to drink sensibly will you?!' He made a mental note to give Nicky another serious lecture about the dangers of alcoholism when he returned. Before he moved along to the next recording.

"Hey Rod! Where are you?! I'm so lonely without you buddy! Please come back soon! I need you so much you know! So so much! I can barely function here alone is all! I'm nothin' more than a useless blob without you by my side! It's like I'm a sandwich fillin' and I'm spillin' out all over the floor without my Rod bread to keep me smushed snugly together! So please come back and wrap your bready Rodness around me again soon! BEEP! End of message."

Rod grinned wildly and chuckled to himself, 'God Nicky! How do you always manage to come up with such adorable, yet at the same time, decidedly gross metaphors?!' He shook his head in loving bemusement, as he moved along to the final three recordings.

"Rod! I love you so much buddy! So so much! I keep watchin' all these old game show reruns to try and take my mind off the borin' nights and all. And it helps a bit I guess. But it'd be so much better if you were here with me! God Rod! Some of the answers people give on these shows… Jeez! Especially on the Family Feud show! They're just so hilarious! Gosh, I nearly choked I was laughing so hard! Don't worry, not for real or nothin'. But, for example, one of the questions was… Name something that you might have strapped to your body... BEEP! End of message"

Rod rolled his eyes, as he clicked the next message to hear the supposedly hilarious answer the contestant had given.

"Sorry, think I pressed the wrong button or somethin'. Anywho, the answers were supposed to be things like a watch, or a seatbelt or somethin'. But the guy said… A dildo! God, I laughed 'til I cried buddy! I wish you were here to see it! The look on your face would have been priceless! Gosh, you're so damned cute when you're left all blushin' and speechless! Another question was… Name somethin' you might hurt yourself riding on... BEEP! End of message."

'Jesus Nicky! You better not be about to say what I think you're about to say!' Rod thought, as he clicked onto the final recording.

"Sorry buddy, don't even know what happened that time! But holey moley Rod, your face would've turned bright red for sure! Cuz the answer was supposed to be a horse or a bicycle or somethin', as people often hurt themselves riding on things like that! Jeez, even an elephant would have made a good answer I think! But the lady didn't say any of those! She said… Dun, dun, dun! Yeah that's right, you guessed it! A penis! Gosh, everyone was falling about on the floor gigglin' and all. Then there was one that started… Name a famous sayin' that begins with the words… The tip of the... And oh Christ! The answer was supposed to be somethin' like… The tip of the iceberg, or the tip of the tongue! But everyone was in hysterics! Cuz the lady said… Yeah, you guessed it again! The tip of the penis! Cuz it was the first thing that came into her mind! You know, that well known expression?! It's on the tip of my penis! Jesus Rod! You should've seen Steven Harvey's reaction! Oh my God! I almost tumbled the entire sofa backwards onto the floor I was rollin' around laughing so much! Don't worry, not for real or nothin'! The couch is still alive! But you would have turned into a tomato from embarrassment for sure Rod! I know you would! Anywho, please please call me buddy! I need you! I really really need you! BEEP! End of message."

Rod burst out laughing. He couldn't help it! Nicky was so funny! 'God Nicky! Why do you always do this to me?! Even when you're nearly 3000 miles away, at the opposite end of the country, you always seem to do this to me somehow!' He continued to chuckle loudly. However, soon everyone in ear shot had turned around to look at him, and he blushed with embarrassment.

"Sorry people, just listening to… Um, er, a funny podcast! Yes, a very funny podcast! That's all!" Rod did his best to brush off his new audience's interest in his fit of hysterics, and bit his lip in an attempt to stop the chuckles from escaping. But he couldn't stop giggling to himself! 'God! What's wrong with you Nicholas?! Why do you watch shows about such nonsense?!' He continued to chuckle for a few moments. But luckily he managed to tame the wildest of his instinctual responses to Nicky's little anecdotes. And everyone eventually rolled their eyes and returned to their own business.

As Rod slowly regained control over his exhausted giggling body, he breathed in deeply and stared out of the airplane window beside him. There was still several hours to go before the plane landed in New York. So he did his best to snuggle down in the uncomfortable seat, to try and catch up on some much needed sleep. 'Oh Nicky. You do love me in your own Nicky-ish way, don't you?' He smiled happily, as his heavy eyelids slowly fell shut.

- PAUSE IN FLASHBACK-

Rod continued to roll around his bed, as his dream got closer and closer to the painful dark depths of his subconscious. It was as if his duvet was rapidly turning into a muddy pool of quick sand. And no matter how frantically Rod squirmed in the pit of his misery, he couldn't seem to get free.

AUTHOR'S NOTES :

** All comments & criticisms welcome. I'm a huge Rod & Nicky fan, so I just write about them for fun! =)

=== I know the plot moves super slowly. Probably too slowly! But as I'm focusing on character thoughts, internal monologues, memories, flashbacks & dream sequences. Unfortunately, I don't think I can change that! =/

** I've tried to ensure this fic is written in American English, with US slang & terminology etc to fit the theme.

=== Thus, hopefully it's never noticeable. But alas, I'm British. So sorry for any slip-ups!

** I apologize if the plot seems a bit disjointed & drawn out.

=== I confess I'm prone to going off on tangents in the form of flashbacks & dream sequences! It's just so much fun!

** Also I apologize for any poor grammar!

=== I confess, some of my grammatical errors have become part of 'my style' in a weird grammatically incorrect way! Because I can't bring myself to change certain grammar mistakes, even though I know they are technically wrong! And yes, I'm mainly referring to the dialogue tags! Because the correct way, just looks odd to me now for some weird reason! Still, I apologize if it bugs anyone! =/

** Thanks goes to NitrusOxide, FranBMan & Ted-Drakness, from deviantArt.

=== As it was reading their stories that initially inspired me to have a go at writing my own Rod/Nicky fic!