In the last couple of days, Dean had noticed the change in Castiel's behavior. For hours at a time, he'd just seemingly be with himself, in away. Dean had been okay with it, but it was a recurring thing, and he'd finally had enough. He wasn't going to sit on his ass and do nothing about it. This had to be taken care of. It was seven in the morning on a weekend day. Dean's excuse for being awake currently with some coffee was to watch a basketball game. When Castiel went down the stairwell and got to the end of it, Dean turned the television off and looked at him. "What's going on with you? You've been off lately and not spending time with me." He asked. There was a tone in his voice that implied he wasn't giving up till he had an answer from the darker haired man.
Cas sighed and attempted to get past Dean, who was blocking the way down the stairwell. "Look, I just need to be by myself right now. Need some alone time." He simply stated while still trying to get past the former prisoner. His thoughts were swirling around in his head and prickling like little needles up against his brain.
A cold-to-hot feeling ran through Dean; he was sure it was anger, but he kept it down. He reached out an arm and caught Castiel, making it so he couldn't go down the staircase Dean was blocking. "No. You've had enough alone time. Enough of whatever the hell this is." Dean began. The vein on his forehead was showing. "Tell me what is going on, and we can work this out. Together." He spoke the word 'together' with emphasis.
There was a moment of silence between them before Castiel spoke with a monotone voice. "Not right now, please. I can't right now. Maybe eventually, if I feel like it, but right now, I need to be by myself." He tried to get out of Dean's grip on his arm. He didn't want to hurt the man, but he needed to get away from him at the moment. He needed to get away from everything.
A battle raged in Dean's mind before he finally gave in. He let go of Castiel's arm and silently walked away, going up the stairs leading to their room. Drew and Luna followed him. He went into their room and closed the door behind him, taking the pets with him. Dean sat on the bed, staring at the wall. Luna crawled into his lap, and he stroked her fur, and that's when he noticed tears were falling down his face. He didn't try to stop it.
When Dean finally let him go, Castiel went off outside in the snow and loaded up his sniper. He made sure to put the silencer on it so it wouldn't be too loud when firing off. Setting up a target a long way away, he walked back and began firing off some bullets to get his mind focused on something else rather than the problem he was facing by himself.
Anywhere between seven to nine hours later, Dean was still in the same place in the room. He was looking at the latest basketball news and saw a whole article had been put up about him. A small smile crept across his face as he began to read the article. He was apparently known as a legend, which was okay with him. They could call him what they wanted on that court. It was a way of life for him. Yesterday's game had been a traveling one, and they'd won the game, like always.
After the whole day had gone away, it was getting dark out, and Castiel came back inside to get some extra warmth from being out in the snow. He went into the kitchen and started making hot chocolate for himself. Taking off his coat, he hung it on the hook and slipped off his boots by the front door. He carefully set the sniper rifle down as it was something that Nathaniel had given him before one of his dispatches overseas. He stared at it for a little bit and then shook his head, trying to get his mind on something else other than his best friend. Sitting down on the couch, he closed his eyes and sipped his hot cocoa in silence.
Needing some water, Dean set down his phone on the nightstand and opened the door leading downstairs. He went downstairs, and his eyes flicked to the rifle resting on the dining table nearby. Having not noticed Castiel, he approached it, looking at it for a few seconds before recalling something Castiel had told him about a friend of his giving it to him. Then he suddenly knew. It was his friend, something had to have happened to him. Dean padded away from the weapon and went to the kitchen, getting a glass of water. He looked out the window and drank it, thinking. He then turned and began to walk back towards the stairwell. Noticing Castiel, he pretended he wasn't there due to circumstances.
The former officer stayed silent even though he feels Dean's presence in the room when he was in the kitchen area. He decided to not say anything to him also though he probably should have. It was just easier to stay quiet and hardly talk. Grabbing a blanket off the couch, he laid himself down, resting the empty mug on the table and curled up into a ball trying to get comfortable. Cas chose to sleep on the couch for tonight, he didn't want to see Dean right now in case he would say anything to him again.
He paused and, using his telekinesis, got a knife to him in his free hand. What he was planning to do was drastic enough. Several hours later, the morning began to creep over the house. The knife Dean had brought with him lay on the table, half-dried blood staining its blade. Dean lay sleeping in the bed, several cuts on his arms, and this time on his legs as well. He didn't want to, but he'd pulled the covers over himself to hide it. He'd have to wash the sheets to deter Castiel from finding out. Getting up, Dean cleaned the knife in the bathroom, hid it in a drawer, and put the layers in the washer, starting that. He washed himself up in the shower and bandaged his cuts, putting on a long-sleeved shirt and a pair of pants. Thankfully, it was winter, so Castiel couldn't question the long-sleeved shirt. But Dean had forgotten that there were a few droplets of blood on the wall. He sat back on the bed and drank his water, looking at his phone once again. It was just another typical day.
The former officer opened his eyes and raised up, rubbing them to try and wake up. He didn't want to, but he needed to. Thankfully, he didn't need to go back to work until Monday, and today was now Friday. Yawning, he got up off the couch and grabbed a glass of water to cleanse his parched throat. His blue eyes landed on his rifle, and he picked it up with care before going back upstairs. Cas was in his own head and hadn't noticed anything Dean had done. He carefully put his gun back in the case and headed into the bathroom to take a hot shower after grabbing some clean clothes.
His gaze flicked up for a mere second to look at Castiel, and then back down. Getting his headphones from nearby, he proceeded to listen to an Architect's album on low volume while reading a book he liked. He kept one earphone out so he could still hear outside noise. For now, it was calm and silent. His mind drifted to the better days of his and Castiel's relationship, though, and he found he was silently crying to himself. Leaning back his head on the wall, he closed his eyes and let the tears flow.
While he was in the shower, Cas started thinking about when he first met Nathaniel. They were young, around the same age of ten, and soon became fast friends. When Nathaniel was fourteen, he decided to enlist in the military to get away from his home life. He was sent to a type of boarding school and training camp combined. He and Cas always met up after the day, and soon Castiel wanted to enlist as well. However, life took a different direction, and that's when Cas took it upon himself to enter the police academy instead. The two best friends would always still hang out after school and teach each other new skills. Even when Nathaniel was overseas, they wrote letters to each other, keeping each other updated. Cas choked back tears and refused to let himself cry over everything. He had to be strong for Dean, he felt he needed to be. He turned the water off and got dressed in the bathroom before walking out and sitting back down on the floor in their bedroom, counting his bullets.
Noticing Castiel had come out of the bathroom, he wiped away the tears, and fake coughed to hide a sob. He set down the book but didn't say a word. He grabbed his water glass and walked to the door, putting his hand on the handle. His gaze flicked to Castiel on the floor, but he closed his eyes and looked away, going down the stairs and closing the door behind him. Dean got himself some water and went outside to the porch, taking out a cigarette and his lighter. He lit it up and took a drag, feeling himself become a little more numb to his inside feelings. The pain from his cuts and the nicotine from the cigarette blended to create a defense wall against his inner feelings of hurt, anger, and sadness.
Once Cas had finished counting his bullets, he put them back away into a container and placed it back into their closet. He sighed and held his head in his hands, still sitting on the floor. He knew there would be a ceremony for Nathaniel that he would have to be in since his best friend mentioned his name in the letter he had received from the military. He didn't know what to do. There was just too much going on in his head right, and it was absolutely overwhelming to think of everything that was going to happen on Sunday afternoon.
After Dean was finished with being outside, he went back inside. It was time to get an answer. He needed to figure out what was wrong with Castiel. His notion was probably false. Sighing, Dean set the water glass on a counter and went upstairs, opening the door and closing it behind him. He let Luna and Drew out to the central part of the house so he could talk to Cas alone. Dean leaned against the nearby wall, looking to the bloodstain but deciding it wasn't much. Castiel would notice eventually, but not now. "What's going on?" Dean finally asked, looking at him.
Cas sighed when he noticed Dean came into their room and closed the door behind him so that they were alone. "Dean. I've got a lot on my mind. I don't think I can talk right now about it." He slowly got up and sat on the bed, taking his socks off of his feet and rolling his sleeves up to his elbows.
"Cas, I want to understand. Please, even just four words. And then I'll leave you alone. I just want to understand what is it that's making you act like this. Is it so hard to just tell me one sentence so I can understand?" Dean pleaded, his eyes shining with worry.
All of the feelings that Castiel had been pushing down were starting to come to the surface because of his partner's persistence. He finally raised his voice. "Nathaniel is dead, Dean! My best friend! Dead! He was blown to smithereens by a land mine! I told him not to go back! But he didn't listen and promised me that everything was going to be okay! And now I have to go to the ceremony on Sunday and carry a casket while wearing a uniform he picked out for me! It was like he knew he was going to die out there!" Cas stood up and huffed, gripping his sides tight.
At last, he collapsed onto the bed and just started sobbing. "Damn it...I told him not to...I really did..."
All of this took a few moments to process in Dean's mind. And he finally got it. He knew finally how Castiel felt, and it punched him in the head. Dean was an idiot. "Okay." He said quietly. "I'll leave you alone," Dean spoke, grabbing his car keys and going out of the room, closing the door behind him. He paused for a second before going down the stairs and out of the house. He got into his car and sat there for a few minutes before starting it up and driving off. He'd taken his phone with him in case Castiel called, which wasn't likely at this point in time. Maybe Dean thought, he shouldn't have asked.
In between sobs, Castiel heard Dean exit through the front door. He knew why Dean had left, to give him some space, but he didn't have the words to tell him how much he just wanted him to stay. Crawling under the covers of their bed, he laid there for now and just sobbed his heart out, missing his best friend as memories flashed behind his eyes when they were younger.
A couple hours later, it was three in the afternoon. Dean knew he should return to the house and do something productive. Thirty minutes later, he was parked in the driveway of the house and got out. Letting himself in, he looked to the stairs. Something told him Castiel wasn't sleeping. He went up and hesitated before knocking softly just in case his instincts were wrong.
As he heard the soft knocking on the door, Castiel rolled himself out of bed and walked up to the door opening it. He probably looked terrible, considering he had been crying and not really sleeping well these past couple of nights. "I didn't think you'd return..." he mumbled to Dean, who stood in front of him.
Seeing just how bad Castiel looked broke his heart. Ignoring just how bad this would physically hurt Dean due to his cuts, he stepped forward and hugged Cas tightly. The former prisoner was just heartbroken that his partner was like this. Dean gently led Castiel to the bed while closing the door behind himself. He sat down with him while still hugging him tightly.
Cas buried himself into Dean's chest and sighed softly, smelling his soothing scent. His mind had settled some more now that his partner had come back. "I'm sorry for acting like I didn't care...I was just overwhelmed, and I didn't want to dump it onto you..."
"It's okay, Cas. It's okay. I understand why you snapped at me like that. I understand what loss feels like." Dean soothed, rubbing his back comfortingly. "Do you want to know what I learned growing up?" He asked, but didn't wait for an answer. "I learned that it's okay to cry. But I learned that the person who died-take your friend, for example. He'd want you to celebrate his life. He'd not want you to be sad over his death. He'd want you to celebrate his life and the good things he did. So do that. But remember, it's still okay to cry. Also, remember he'd want you to smile."
A small, sort of forced chuckle let out of Castiel's lips. "He was a dumbass sometimes...but he taught me everything I know about survival and first aid. My sniper rifle? He gave that to me when he went overseas for the first time, said it was a present to remind me that he would return. I would have loved for you to have met him, you would've thought he was cool...I already knew what he would say to you. He would have said, 'You picked good Dean, but Cas can be a fiery bullet when it comes to protecting the ones he loves.' That was a stupid nickname he called me since he knew about my fire powers..."
Dean nodded. "There you go." He reassured. Taking Castiel's hand in his, he pulled back to look at him. "This is what he'd want you to do. Remember the happy times you two had together. He'd want you to live on. I would want you to live on as well if I had died. The way I see it, life and death are the same. Most people don't understand that aspect. But I do."
"Yeah...I would want you to if I died. I would want you to be happy with whatever you're doing as long as you don't forget about me. I know you wouldn't, though...Do you think you could come with me on Sunday? For moral support, I mean, they'd let you in if I told them you were with me since it will be a lot of officials...I might need help adjusting the uniform once I put it on here before we leave." He knew Dean wouldn't know anyone, and neither would he, except for a few of them, but he didn't want to be alone during the ceremony.
The thought paced inside his head that he had never met Nathaniel. But it was still worth paying respects to the man. Dean nodded. "Yeah, of course, I'll go. I understand you wouldn't want to be alone." He stated. His stomach lurched as he knew that they would do the twenty-one gun signal. He'd heard it was a salute to fallen soldiers. A shiver passed through his body.
As Castiel was laying up against Dean's body, he felt the man shiver a little. "Are you okay? I don't want to force you if it bothers you." His blue eyes traced from Dean's eyes to the wall behind him as he spotted the small bloodstain. "Dean...Did you...hurt yourself again? There's blood on the wall."
His breath hitched in his throat. He'd noticed. "N-no. Of c-course, I didn't...I didn't really have a reason to..." he lied, wincing as he stuttered. The other realization was that Castiel had been a police officer and could tell when someone was lying. No...he had to calm down. It wasn't like he was going to kill him if he did find out he'd hurt himself for a second time.
He allowed his gaze to soften because he didn't want Dean to be mad at him. He lifted them both up into a sitting position and gently rolled up Dean's sleeves, seeing the cuts. "Dean. Did you do this because I was distant? I'm sorry...I...never want you to think I'm not there for you...I always am, I was just putting pressure on myself..." Cas pulled Dean to his chest, not wanting to let go. "Thank god you didn't hit anything important...I could've been outside, and you could've been...dying up here...by yourself."
"Suicide wasn't the intention. Although if I had cut any deeper on the ones closest to my main wrist vein, I could have bled out. It's good that I know how deep I can cut without accidentally killing myself in the process. I say that's good cause I don't think I'll ever learn not to do this shit." Dean said, his voice lowered. He let out a slightly harsh laugh. He thought his life damage indifferent.
The darker haired man pulled Dean from him away a little and looked into his green eyes. "Dean. I'm going, to be honest. I want to help you stop this little habit of yours when things get out of hand for you. I don't like you talking about how good you are with a blade if it's against your own skin. I understand why you did it, but I can't run the risk of losing you because one day you'll get a little careless. And that's all it takes. Just one day. One time. Then you're gone, and I lose you."
His eyes glinted with defiance. "Well, it seems you might just have to deal with it." Dean retorted. "It's not going to just stop, Castiel. It's not. It's just going to be a recurring thing. And I'm experienced with it, I know how deep I can go without killing myself. I've got enough self-control that I won't get careless like some others. It's not that bad, don't you see? Not that bad at all."
Cas' eyes narrowed a little at Dean's answer. He expected the man to be reluctant but not so defiant about his decision to cope with emotion. He wanted to give anything to wash away the inner pain he must have been experiencing while doing that action. He quietly asked. "How would you feel if I burned myself on purpose? I know you'd feel something because you care about me, don't act like you would be okay with it. Your arms may not look bad to you because you're the one who did it, but as your partner, I'm going to say that it looks terrible. I don't care if you have scars...Your self-destructive behavior was all my fault. I made you feel this way. You didn't start doing this until we took our trip together..."
"I'd...I'd try to stop you...I..." he trailed off, tears blurred his vision. He suddenly knew just how Castiel felt about this. The fear dragged him down, but he resurfaced. "Fuck!" He cursed, burying his face in his hands, his shoulders beginning to shake from sobs that he was trying to cover but couldn't. Dean dug his hands into his hair, cursing himself over and over under his breath.
Taking his hands, Castiel gently lifted Dean's hands off his hands as he remembered when he pulled out some hair before. Holding their hands together, he intertwined their fingers, and the former officer looked down and watched Dean trying to control himself. He had never done this before in front of anyone, but Castiel's mouth opened and began softly singing near the man's ears. It was a gentle, balanced out melody with lyrics that symbolized brighter days during dark times.
As the sound of singing filled his ears, Dean nearly forgot to breathe, but his crying slowly subsided as he listened to the song. He leaned his head forward to rest upon Castiel's shoulder, his arms sliding out of the man's grip to wrap around his neck. Dean nestled his head into the crook of Castiel's neck, his crying subsided to small whimpers. His breathing evened out, and he just wanted to listen to the beautiful voice of his partner. It was comforting to not get away from.
The blue-eyed man could at least carry a tune. Or maybe he was too humble thinking his voice wasn't all that spectacular. His lips curved upwards slightly as he continued softly singing as Dean rested his head as he slowly calmed down. He reached an arm around Dean's back and gently rubbed it until he finished up his little song.
When Castiel was finished with the song, Dean was just about asleep. His mother had used to sing him a song to get him to go to sleep or when he was crying, and Castiel's singing had brought him back to those better days. His breathing was even again, and he no longer made any sound whatsoever except for his breath, of course. Dean pressed himself more against his partner, just wanting his comfort and warmth now.
A warm smile appeared on Castiel's face as he felt Dean drifting off into sleep. A nice nap sounded helpful to him as well. Carefully laying them back down, he held Dean close to him, providing warmth and comfort. Cas kept his arm snugly around him as a makeshift blanket after trying to pull the covers up on them a bit. Quietly sighing, his blue eyes closed, and he also drifted off to dreamland.
Through the night, Dean had a few bad dreams and pleasant dreams. By the time morning called, he was no longer dreaming. Sunlight shone through the window but was quickly blocked out by the snowstorm clouds moving in. Dean sighed softly in his sleep. A nightmare had settled in on him, and he couldn't force it out. It wasn't too great, either.
A dream was floating on the edge of Cas' mind. He and Dean were outside in the sun's rays, feeling the warmth on their exposed skin. The sky turned darker and into storm clouds causing Nathaniel to appear in front of them. The soldier fired a gun at the sky, whipping away the clouds and smiled upon the other two men who stared in awe. Then his image disappeared from Castiel's mind.
Opening his eyes in the dream, Dean saw that he was standing out on what looked to be a battlefield. But as he walked forward, he found that he wasn't controlling himself. He was in the body of someone else, per se. But why? And who? He didn't know, but he-or whoever's body he possessed-walked forward more. Someone called a name, "Nathaniel!" and a voice that was not Dean's one replied, "What?". Dean suddenly realized that he was in Nathaniel's body, and for some reason was about to 'die.' An explosion so loud sounded that Dean's ears hurt bad. Pain shot up all of his, or Nathaniel's body, and blackness ensued. In the outside world, Dean woke up with a gasp.
Due to Dean waking up in a startled manner, Cas jolted awake from his dream and looked at the other man. He rubbed his eyes a little before asking. "Nightmare? Do you want to share?" He was always concerned when Dean had nightmares because, recently, they ended up being visions of some sort.
Dean had speeding pictures that continued the dream, such as him waking up in some kind of dark box, escaping and running off, passing out. What the hell was this? "Well, I was walking along in some kind of battlefield. I wasn't myself, I could feel it. Someone called a name, but it wasn't mine. The voice I replied with wasn't mine either. Then there was this sudden explosion, and I felt a lot of pain, and then it went black. I opened my eyes again, and I was stuck in some kind of dark box, and I escaped it and ran, and the place I ended up passed out near was similar to the clearing I fought Jotunn in." Dean explained. "I think it's a vision."
When Dean was describing his dream, he had just now Castiel's eyes widened at the fact that the explosion part reminded him of Nathaniel. He had blown up and died, but it seems Dean's dream added more onto it. There was no way Nathaniel knew about Jotunn. "When you describe the explosion, it sounds like how Nathaniel died, but I'm not sure how the rest of your vision and Jotunn tie into it..."
"Jotunn doesn't tie into any of this," Dean replied. He was sure of that. "What did Nathaniel look like when you last saw him?" He asked, his eyes flicking to Castiel. If there was even the slightest chance Nathaniel was alive, he'd have to find him and bring him here. He didn't know why, but he just knew he'd have to. He'd take a trip to the clearing and search the place if he had to. Everything was going to be alright, for once. At least Dean hoped so, for Castiel's sake.
He could picture his best friend, ideally in his mind, as if he saw him yesterday. "Nathaniel has light brown hair, and it was in a buzz cut for the military. Light freckles across his face. Blue eyes that are darker than mine, almost gray. And his canine teeth were always a little pointy when he smiled. It was goofier looking when we were younger."
Nodding, Dean jumped off the bed and fixed his hair as best as he could, putting on a pair of boots and a winter coat. He looked at Castiel. "Aren't you coming? We're taking a short trip." Dean announced, getting his gun from the dresser. Opening a cabinet, he took out the knife he'd used on himself. He set it where his gun had just been; he'd deal with that later if he had time. Dean also grabbed his machete in the process.
"Oh, yeah, I'm tagging along, of course. I've dubbed myself as your partner in crime, after all." He lightly joked. Grabbing his pistol, he decided that he should leave his rifle here at home. Pulling out a drawer on their dresser was an extra clip for his pistol, and he placed in the pocket of his jeans. Running downstairs past Dean, he decided to just mess with his hair by running his fingers through it. Castiel slipped on his coat and boots he had left by the front door. "I'm ready when you are."
He watched Castiel grab his weapon, an extra clip, and run past him. "Hey!" Dean exclaimed with slight irritation as Castiel ran his fingers quickly through his hair. Reluctantly, Dean followed him down the stairs, and he waited at the back door. The winds from the snowstorm battered against the house exterior, but Dean wasn't worried about it. That was normal here. When Castiel said he was ready, Dean opened the door and ran out, heading into the forest.
The former officer saw Dean bolt outside towards the woods, and he picked up speed after him. It wasn't too long before he was running up beside him. "Didn't want to fix my hair if we are out in the woods, haha." He chuckles. "I've been concerned about Jotunns behavior lately."
A smile graced his lips. "Well, it was going to get messed up anyway. We are running." Dean spoke pointedly. "Jotunn..." he sighed before continuing. "He is a mystery. Like me." The former prisoner chuckled. "Only time will tell why he's been acting so weird. I haven't heard from him the last couple of days, and neither have you, or I think I would know about it by now. I suppose we can only wait to see what's up with him."
He nodded and paused for a moment while they were still jogging. "I still don't like how he kidnapped your cousin. And your cousin knew about the ritual, which was odd. I know he's some type of godly figure, but he can't just take random people when he wants unless he has a good reason."
"I suppose we're going to have to find out why all that happened eventually. I don't think now is the time to talk about it." Dean replied, glancing at Castiel for a moment before looking back ahead. Suddenly, someone barreled into him from his left side, getting him away from Castiel. The attacker pinned Dean to the ground, and he looked up at them. The man had light brown hair that was a bit greasy, and his blue eyes were nearly gray. Dean almost missed the freckles on his face. At the time, Dean didn't know it was actually Nathaniel, but he held up his hands in surrender and closed his eyes, afraid that he'd die in spite of himself.
Cas' jaw about dropped to the ground once his eyes focused on the man. "Nathaniel? No wait...you're dead. There was an official letter issued, they don't lie..."
Nathaniel's head turned up to see Castiel, then back at Dean, who was surrendering. He quickly hopped off of the man and walked up to Cas. "They lie when I forge a document. Just like I did with your supposed death." He said happily before wrapping his arms around his best friend.
Happy to be able to stay breathing, Dean got to his feet and brushed himself off. At the sight of the reunion between Castiel and Nathaniel, he couldn't help but smile softly. Noticing his gun on the ground, he picked it up and took the bullet from the chamber, catching it in his hand. He put it in his pocket with a sigh only he could hear, doing the same with the gun. Dean turned back to look at the two friends, and then he spaced out and looked at the path leading back to home.
Needless to say, Castiel was still in shock that Nathaniel wasn't dead and wasn't an illusion. He was real and alive and breathing. "I'm... just so confused right now. I didn't expect to ever see you again."
Nathaniel patted Cas on the shoulder before breaking the hug away. "Not a lot of people do, Cassie. You know I usually do my job and then move on to the next." His gray eyes flicked to Dean. "This must be your boyfriend, right? Dean Winchester? Well, I'd say nice to meet you, but I just tackled you to the ground instead." He lightly chuckled.
Snapped out of his trance, Dean looked back at Nathaniel and Castiel. His eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Wh...how did you know my name?" He asked. The former prisoner didn't recall Castiel saying his name or telling Nathaniel something about him. Unless there was something obvious that he'd missed happening.
The soldier smiled and stretched his arms out. "No need to be so alarmed there. I know how to dig up info, Cas hadn't told me anything about you, he just said he was seeing someone, but gave no personal information. When your first basketball game premiered on television, I was in the outpost camp with a mini screen and saw you obviously, but I also saw Cas on the sidelines in the front row. That's how I figured it out." He explained casually
How could he have missed that? Basketball, of course! Dean was famous for his full-court shot. A friendly smile forced its way to surface on his face. "I can't believe I didn't see that coming. But I am an idiot by heart." Dean joked lightly, taking a few steps forward, but reserving a respectable distance between him and the two of them. "It's nice to meet you, Mister Nathaniel. I've heard some stories."
"Oh, really? Hopefully, nothing embarrassing. I could tell you some really good stories about Castiel if you wanted."
"Shut up, Nathan. Don't make me start telling him your stories as well." Cas lightly teased by using his nickname.
The soldier shook his head. "Wouldnt let yah. I'd wrap a piece of tape around your mouth...Anyway, I was out in the woods because I figured you guys either lived in the town over or around here somewhere. What were you guys doing out here?"
"I'd love to hear your stories about Cas sometime. I'm sure they're good." Dean replied, adding a glance to Castiel. He'd hate him for that, he was sure. "I had a notion this morning that someone would be out here, so I got Cas, and we came here. That's when we found you...more like you found us." Dean explained. It was technically the truth. He chuckled at his little joke.
"Oh, ho, trust me, I will. Well, I couldn't tell from the angle we were both at who you were, Dean. I recognized Cas, though. I thought he needed some extra help, and I decided to make my presence known...I know he can handle himself, though. Taught him everything he knows, haven't I?" Nathaniel's gaze flicked back over to Castiel.
He raised a brow in return. "You're making it sound like I was completely incompetent before we met. Which is not true. I taught you things too."
"Yeah yeah, you did. A few things. Now that you've found me, are you staying out here longer? Or heading back to your home?" He asked both of them.
A few moments of silence passed. "I like the snow," Dean said out of nowhere. Then he coughed awkwardly and looked back at the trail leading back to his and Castiel's home. "Right. We should probably start heading back. Wouldn't want to freeze to death out here, would we?" He spoke, turning and beginning to lead the way back. He was silent now just in case Castiel and Nathaniel wanted to catch up some more.
The other men followed Dean back down the trail that led to the house. Nathaniel was still in his military camouflage uniform with a dark green winter coat. He only had one backpack on, but that was normal for him. He had always been a compact traveler. Once the trio reached the house, the soldier spoke up. "Nice place you guys got here."
The chill in the air had reached Dean's skin even though he wore a coat. When they saw the house and Nathaniel spoke up, Dean nodded slightly. "Thanks." He replied, walking up the back doorsteps. Sighing under his breath, Dean turned the handle and opened the door, turning to stand behind it so the other two could come in. Once they were inside, he closed the door and locked it. He didn't like to have it unlocked for apparent reasons.
Once they were all inside and the door was shut, Nathaniel looked around the downstairs from where he was standing. "Reminds of when I'd go back home from being overseas in nothing but a tent. It's always a good feeling to have four stable walls around you." His gray eyes spotted Drew and Luna. "Oh! Look! They're cute, what are their names?" He asked as he sat down on the floor to greet them properly.
"Their names are Drew and Luna," Dean replied from the kitchen. Looking about the fridge and getting down glasses, he was feeling something he shouldn't, but he couldn't precisely place it. He ignored it. "What do you guys want to drink, if anything?" Dean asked, tapping his fingers on the counter. He watched as Drew and Luna immediately took a liking to Nathaniel. That's when he finally placed it. Jealousy.
Nathaniel looked up as Luna was starting to climb on his arm with her tiny claws. "I'll have any type of soda if you have any. I've been craving some lately."
Cas smiled at Dean. "Water, please, thank you." He took a seat on the couch while the soldier was still on the floor, with the animals playing with them like a child.
Turning to the fridge, Dean kneeled and found some orange soda and looked at it for a few seconds. He shrugged and turned back to the counter, pouring it into a glass. He then got some water for him and Castiel. When that was done, he grabbed the others' glasses first and handed them to the two men. "Here you are," Dean spoke as they received them. He then proceeded to drink his own water in the kitchen.
"Thanks." They both said in unison to Dean, handing them the glasses.
Castiel patted the seat next to him. "You don't have to stand there, you can come to sit me next to me if you want."
Nathaniel chuckled as Drew and Luna both were climbing over him. "This is such a good feeling. We don't have animals back at the base. We just have dogs out in the field sometimes."
He shook his head. "I'm fine with being right where I am." Dean voiced, fixing Castiel with a stare. A forced smile came to on his face, and then he stopped it, looking away. His gaze sharpened as he looked at the soldier with the pets, and then he sighed. "I'll be outside if anyone needs me," Dean muttered, grabbing his pack of cigarettes and the lighter from the countertop and going outside. He stood at the railing of the porch and lit up, taking a drag. He felt all his feelings become numb.
The dark-haired man furrowed his brows at Dean's behavior. He seemed agitated, not to mention he took his pack of cigarettes outside with him. That was something he did when he was stressed. Not wanting to crowd his partner, he decided to wait until he came back inside to confront him about it. Castiel picked up Luna off of Nathaniel's head and started to pet her small frame with gentle fingers.
Fifteen minutes later, Dean sighed and put out his fourth cigarette. It wasn't right how badly he was smoking lately. But as always, he didn't care as long as it alleviated his feelings like the knife to his skin. Turning, he went back inside and put the pack on the counter along with his lighter. He closed the door behind him and got some more water from the faucet, drinking it. His pupils were slitted, something that happened to people who smoked three to five cigarettes in a single time window.
Castiel got up from the couch and put Luna down on the floor. He walked up to Dean and whispered. "Dean. How much did you just smoke? Your pupils are badly looking. I'm very concerned about you." He didn't want Dean to start smoking way more than he needed to. He didn't understand why he was getting stressed out right now. He didn't think Nathaniel did anything wrong.
He was in his own little world, thinking about life in general. Until he heard his partner's voice cut off his train of thought. Blinking, Dean looked to Castiel for a moment, then looked back at the counter. "I only smoked four. Relax, it's not that bad. I'm fine." He dismissed it as if it were just a pestering fly. He drank some more water before getting another glassful.
"That's more than you usually do. I told you I would pester you if I felt like this would become a problem because I love you. Now. Please tell me what's stressing you out? Is Nathaniel here making you feel this way?" He simply asked. It was the only logical explanation he could think of right now since he personally thought they'd recovered from their misunderstanding earlier from a breakdown of communication.
There was a long pause before Dean finally spoke. "I'm a little jealous cause you two are close, okay?" He snapped quietly. "But it's nothing. Don't worry about it." He added, looking down at his feet. The former prisoner sipped at his water in silence. Finishing it, he walked away from Castiel. He muttered something about going to the bathroom before grabbing a beer from the fridge and jogging upstairs, closing the door behind him. He didn't go to the bathroom, but sat on the bed and twisted the cap off his beer bottle, sipping at it.
Nathaniel looks up at Castiel. "Is he okay? He seems on edge."
"He will be fine. Just has something on his mind that's all. I'll check on him in about an hour or so." Cas replies before picking up Luna again. "I really would like you two to get to know each other better. I think you guys would hit it off since you have similar viewpoints on some things." He felt like he needed to tell Dean that Nathaniel was purely his best friend. There was never anything romantic between them, and Nathaniel was bisexual, leaning more towards women but had dated a guy before a long time ago.
Dean had kept a small stock of beers and bottles of water in a small fridge in their bedroom. By the time an hour and a half had passed, Dean was on his fifth or sixth beer, he didn't really know. Setting the half-full glass bottle on the nightstand, he read an article on his phone while a football game played on low volume on the television. Dean turned off his phone and looked at the TV again.
Castiel excused himself before walking up to their bedroom and knocking on the door softly, slowly opening it. "Dean? I'm checking on you...How many beers have you had? You're going to have a bad hangover tomorrow. I'll have to fix you a special drink for that." He asked while stepping inside and closing the door.
"I've only had five and a half." He replied. His words were slurred. "I'm fine, believe me. Thank goodness I have the day off tomorrow. Oh wait, tomorrow's Sunday, right? I think I forgot the days of the week." Dean ranted, then looked to the television, where his team was getting a flag. It was a wrong call. "What the hell? No, that guy was in the end zone! You know what, they need to replace that ref. I'm just...no..."
A sigh came from Castiel's mouth as he picked up the beer bottles from around Dean. "Tomorrow is Sunday, yes. I think it would be best for you to try and at least take a nap right now, okay?" He lifted him up and placed him where he usually slept on the bed. "I'm having Nathaniel sleep on our couch downstairs, and I'll be up here with you to make sure you're good. Because you look pretty bad right now after your five and a half beers."
"Cas...I'm fine." He protested, sitting up, refusing to nap. He wasn't tired at all. "I'm not going to sleep. I'm not tired. Besides, there's a game on. I can't miss that. I need to find out who wins. And it's not nighttime, why would I sleep?" Dean complained, trying to find every excuse possible, so he didn't have to sleep. "I'm fine. Seriously, I'm fine."
He knew that Dean would try and make excuses about caring for himself. He crawled over and sat on the bed beside him. "Okay. I know the game is important to you. And of course, it's not night, but I also know you don't want an awful hangover tomorrow morning, I was only suggesting a nap because that could help you. Let's finish the game up first. Nathaniel is too busy playing with our pets right now, he would do that all day if allowed to."
Immediately, Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel and pulled him closer, turning his eyes to the television. The former prisoner rested against him until he eventually got tired near the end of the football game. Closing his eyes, his muscles became loose, and his breathing evened out. He finally fell asleep there. It seemed that all he'd needed was Castiel next to him, and he was sleeping.
The former officer smiled softly and wrapped an arm around Dean's body up against him. He knew his partner would come around eventually from being tired, mainly due to the booze. Humming softly, he rested his head on Dean and muted the tv so that the screen was still on to pass some time while Dean slept.
A few hours later, Dean stirred. He merely placed himself in Castiel's lap, and he slept like that for about another hour. Finally, around three in the afternoon, he woke up. He muttered some incoherent words and opened his eyes halfway. "Cas?" Dean murmured, leaning into him.
Blue eyes looked down at Dean once he heard him say his name. "Good afternoon, Dean. Did you sleep well?" He asked while absentmindedly playing with his dirty blond hair. Cas had always done that when the former prisoner slept.
"Yeah, I slept, alright. I think I'm sober now." He joked lightly. After a moment, he spoke again. "Do you know how much I just like sitting here in your lap while you hold me and play with my hair? I find it quite comforting." Dean confessed, a small smile gracing his face. He slinked an arm around Castiel's neck, giving him a peck on the cheek.
A small amount of blush flared up on Castiel's cheeks from Dean's kiss and comment. "Do you know how much I enjoy having you sit in my lap while I pick at your hair? Your hair is very soft, by the way." He trailed a light hand across Dean's right cheekbone. "I told you a nap would help out."
A light dusting of red appeared on Dean's cheeks and the bridge of his nose from Castiel's comment and his touch. He rested his forehead on his partner's. "You know I love you, right? More than you could probably understand." Dean spoke, cupping his face with warm hands. He stared into those captivated ocean blue eyes.
He smiled warmly and relaxed into Dean's hands as he usually did when his face was held by them. "And I love you. I always have, and I know I always will. That won't ever change. Even if we have disagreements every now and then, I won't ever abandon you." He gave a soft kiss on Dean's nose.
Smiling, Dean returned the kiss on the nose he was given. "I know. There will be disagreements, and that happens. It's part of a relationship. And I won't ever abandon you, either." He replied. The former prisoner closed his eyes and let himself fall into the silence that ensued. He intertwined their fingers.