Floin looked at Kili's semi – pained expression and gasped.

'Oh no, Kili, I'm sorry, I don't know what came into me…' he stuttered.

'I do.' Sighed Kili

Bongin put his arm around Floin.

'I do, too, and so does everybody. I can understand you, but don't you think that was a bit too much, idiot?!' he squeezed Floin so hard that, after Bongin relased him, Floin felt the urge to check if his ribs weren't crushed.

'Oin, could you please come here?' called Fili.

'No need, I'll –'

'Just stop, please…'

Kili closed his mouth and pinched his nose, because, of course he knew it was stupid - rejecting healer's help when needed – he himself would roll his eyes at somebody who would pretend they are fine, when blood is so obviously dripping from their wound.

'Let me see that leg.' Said Oin.

Oin ripped Kili's pants and studied his wound. He couldn't help casting a glance at all of the scars that Kili had on this small exposed part of his body and wondered how many there are everywhere else.

Kili noticed Oin's eyes go from his wound to scars, but decided to say nothing.

'Well, all I can do, for now, is bandage it again, sorry, Kili…'

'It's all I need.' He said.

Some moments later, Kili's wound was taken care of and they all turned to Thorin.

'We are very close to Erebor. I think what we do next, is head to Lake Town, and quickly, Orcs are probably still following us.' He stated.

Are they?

Kili waited for a while and when no answer came, he rolled his eyes.

Are you seriously giving me a silent treatment, beacuse I didn't sleep?

No answer came, again.

'Kili, move.' Shouted Thorin.

Dark – haired dwarf casted a last glance in the direction where they swam – or floated – from and started walking.

They are not.

That surprised Kili, but he didn't answer. Maybe Orcs had better things to do at the moment.

…

They were walking for over an hour and Kili's lack of sleep really caught up to him. He was basically dragging himself with willpower at this point, so when others said they can see Lake Town's walls, he almost cried from happiness. He didn't even notice Colonists gathering around him.

When they stopped in front of town's gates, he was pulled to the side by Bongin.

'We are going back to Colony. And taking you with us.' he said.

Kili blinked. 'What?'

'We talked about it, since you collapsed it was on our minds. Actually, you were on our minds. This journey was a bad idea, I'm sorry I persuaded you to go with them.' Said Alsatir with guilty expression.

'you cannot be serious… we are almost there!' Kili hissed.

'Exactly! We followed them that far, now it's time to drop out and go back to our lives back in the Colony!' said Floin.

Kili sighed.

'Guys… I can't.'

'Yes, you can! Nothing is holding you with them, all they have ever done was hurt you, why would you help them?'

'Listen, if you wanna go back, do it, but I'm staying.'

'No, it's a story repeating itself. Like back in Woodland, you're like 'You go, I don't care, I'm staying and doing whatever the check I want'. No more.'

'Why are you like that?' Kili breathed.

'Because, leader, sometimes you have to make a decision, whether you like it or not!' shouted Bongin.

'Why do you think you have a say on whether I stay or go back?' Kil gave them a hard stare.

'Please, Kili, we don't want to fight, we have your best interest at heart, sincerely…' Alsatir said quietly and looked at Kili with desperate eyes.

You know you cannot leave, right? Yes, yes, I do.

'Well, I am still choosing to stay.' He stated with a cold tone.

Floin and Bongin looked pissed, Alsatir seemed sad, but Kili had to think bigger, MUCH bigger, as of right now. Not only about them or his family, no, he had to think about the whole bloody Middle – Earth. That thought really angered him and he bit his lip.

'There are things that you don't understand…' he said.

'Then explain them to us!'

If only I could…

'Hey, unless you wanna stay here all night, start moving!' shouted Dwalin in their direction.

They didn't know how Thorin managed to get them inside, but one moment they were standing on the other side of the wall and the next thing they know, they were seated by Lake – Town master's table.

'So, you came to reclaim the go -, Erebor, hmm? Mater leaned towards Thorin's face.

'Yes, we did. And we are going to succeed, no doubt.' He stated in the most proud and confident way.

'So, this comapny of yours, I'm guessing friends and family…' Master looked around and his eyes stopped on Kili 'Oh, that one must be your son, no less, you're very simillar!'

There was some awkward silence, but Thorin broke it.

'No, he isn't.' he stated 'Although, he indeed is my family, he's name is –'

'I think' Kili cut in 'that the most important thing right now is to talk about Erebor, you know, Master, the golden dwarven town, forged in solid rocks.'

Master's eyes lit up at the mention of Erebor's possible riches and he switched his attention back to Thorin, who casted a quick glance at Kili, but decided to keep Lake – Town's master interested in his homeland and keep talking to him, so that he will help them.

Kili knew they are going to ask him why he cut Thorin's introduction of himself short, but as soon as he started to think about it, he saw Falcard in the corner of the room they were in.

'Excuse me.' He bowed and, as casually as possible, left the room.

'What are you doing?' he hissed at the ghost as soon as the door closed.

'You left Mirkwood and my son! You promised you'll help!' cried Falcard.

'And I will, but right now I have other pressing matters on my hands, if you haven't noticed!'

Falcard looked at the door behind which they just were.

'Why didn't you want Thorin to say your name?' he asked.

'I'm just worried… I don't know Master's intentions, I mean, I know he aims for a little something from helping us, but who knows what really is in his twisted mind… He made it so obvious, whenever Thorin mentioned something about Erebor's riches, Master's eyes shined brighter then the Arkenstone is supposedly glowing…' he sighed.

Suddenly, the world started to blur around Kili and he had to lean over a wall to keep himself from falling down.

'Are you okay?' asked Falcard.

'Yeah, just got a little dizzy, probably from not sleeping enough..' he breathed.

When everything stopped spinning, he straightened himself up.

'Right… Disappear, please, and know that I didn't forget about you.' He said and looked Falcard in the eyes.

'Fine… But, I'm begging you, don't let my son die as a prisoner…' with these words, Falcard disapearred.

Kili sighed. Sure, I can do it all.

He was about to go back to the dining room when its doors opened and others casted a questioning look at him and to his own surprise, he couldn't hold it and looked away.

'I'm gonna have someone show you to your rooms, unfortunately I don't have enough space for all of you to stay here, but there is a person who offered to help.' Master smiled at them and pointed his fat finger at a man standing in the corner.

Kili felt a sting of panic. How long has this man been standing here? Did he see me talk to Falcard? Or rather - thin air - in his eyes?

'Welcome, dwarves. My name is Bard, I'm glad to be of service.' Bard's face didn't say the same and dwarves assumed he was, more or less, forced to invite them around his place.

'Thank you, kind man. I am Thorin Oakenshield and this is my company, at your service, as well.'

They walked for a while and dwarves felt that they were observed and judged from head to toe by any human they passed, but they didn't bother – they were so close to their goal that they felt as if everything was almost over. Kili was often stumbling and supporting himself with any kind of wall or banister he could find, which didn't escape company's eyes, but they decided to stay silent for now and cut him some slack, he's been through a lot lately, as they all have been.

When Bard showed them their sleeping place, some enthusiasm was alredy taken away from them. It was one, not too big room, and all they had was floor and a few, very much old and worn blankets.

'Thank you, mister Bard, we appreciate your hospitality' bowed Thorin.

'I'm sure…' sighed Bard, but then his eyes fell on Kili.

'Are you alright, mister dwarf, you don't look too well.' He said, trurly conncerned.

Kili was about to open his mouth, irritated that he has heard that question more times then his own name, but he stopped.

Kili, they are coming. The orcs are coming back. Stay alert.

He stopped himself from sighing and realised that Bard was still waiting for an answer.

'Thanks, I'm good.' He said with a tensed voice.

Bard murmured, noticably unconvinced.

'We would like to talk for a while, just my comany and me, if you don't mind giving us some privacy.' Stated Thorin.

'No, not at all.' Bard answered and casted one last glance at Kili. 'If you need anything, just call.' And with those words, he left.

'Well, friends, we are almost there, aren't we?' smiled Thorin and looked each and every one in the eye, even the Colonists.

'Yes, Thorin, we are.' Balin realeased a breath, he felt he was holding in, ever since they left, like he wasn't expecting everything to go as smoothly, even though it was all that 'smooth'.

'We will rest here, I still need to talk to the Master, but we should start moving again in, say, two days.' Decided Thorin.

Dwarves quickly laid down and most of them fell asleep as soon as they hit the floor.

Kili knew they were a few people who were not going to sleep until he does, but he couldn't, he needed to stay alert, like the god told him to.

Actually, Kili, you need to sleep. I didn't ask for your opinion. If you won't do that, you won't be able to help, should anything happen, because your body is in a devasted condition and won't be able to take too much upon itself. Alright, but you will wake me up if anything happens, right? Of course, that is why I am here.

Kili sighed and lied down. As soon as he closed his eyes, he was taken by sleep.

…..

Kili woke up five hours later, everybody was still sound asleep, even his personal 'guardians' didn't flinch when he walked past them.

He closed the door behind and faced the room. To his surprise, he saw their host, sitting alone by the table.

'Sorry, I didn't know you were awake.'

'Oh, I just couldn't sleep, a lot has happened today. Come, sit. Do you want anything?' Bard asked politely.

'Aside from thanking and apologising for intrusion, not really.' Kili scratched his head and sighed 'I know you were persuaded, more or less nicely, to help us…'

'Yeah, I was… But I would lie if I said I wasn't interested in a bunch of dwarves who are coming to reclaim Erebor.' Bard smiled lightly.

'Right, it's not your usual kind of intruder, is it?' Kili smiled back.

'May I ask… Why?' he gave Kili a serious stare 'Do you care for Erebor that much, to risk your life for it?'

'I think they do…' Kili fliched. I see what I did wrong…

'They? Don't you? It's your home as well, isn't it?' Bard gave him a questioning look.

'Yes, yes, I just said it like that… Of course, Erebor is.. my, my home…'

Bard gave him a look of 'who are you trying to fool' and pulled a chair out.

'Come and sit, really.'

Though realuctantly, Kili sat down next to Bard.

'Now, I'm not trying to be nosy, but… don't you think this quest is a little bit…' he bit his lip, but somehow felt like that dwarf might understand him 'a little foolish and, well, suicidal?'

'It's not my place to say it…' Kili mumbled.

'It is, you are a part of it, right?'

'Not really… I mean, yes, I am, but not from the very beggining. You could say I'm a stray who just happened on the way and wandered with them.'

'So, you don't know them?' Bard asked, confused.

'Oh, no, I do. It's just that we were separated for a while and just happened to meet along the way, is all I'm saying.' Kili felt uneasy, he didn't want to talk about his family problems to a stranger, even despite the fact that Bard looked like somebody who won't judge and will undersatnd him, but Kili was done with sharing his personal life.

'Do you need something, master Kili? Maybe tea?' Bard asked politely, sensing that his guest didn't want to talk about his, apparently complicated, relationships.

'Thank you, I'm good. By the way, it's just Kili.'

'then it's just Bard for you.' He smiled and they both shook their hands.

Kili sat back down and pinched the bridge of his nose as a strong wave of dizziness struck him again.

'You have a headache?'

'Yeah…' he muttered.

'I have something that might help.' Bard reached towards some herbs but Kili quickly stopped him, knowing that nothing is going to help his condition anyway.

'No, thank you, I got used to it, it'll soon go away.' He tried to crack a smile.

Bard hummed.

'If it's reoccuring maybe you should have a healer look at you.' He stated with concern.

Kili was about to answer when he noticed a little girl standing in the doorway.

'Hey there, what's your name?' he smiled warmly.

'It's Tilda' the little girl whispered.

'That's a really nice name. But whatcha doing up so early, hmm?' Kili tilted his head to the side.

'I wanted to hug daddy, but he wasn't in bed..' she whispered.

'Oh, come here, little one.' Said Bard and picked her up.

'Daddy, why is this master dwarf awake? I heard them all snoring, maybe they woke him up?' Tilda stared at Kili with wide eyes.

Kili chuckled. 'I hope they didn't wake you up, I'm not bothered by it anymore.'

'Nay, dad says I sleep like a rock.' She smiled widely.

'You really do, unless you get lonely and want to hug me.' Bard smiled and patted her head.

Tilda hid her face in her dad's shoulder and soon after she was sound asleep again.

'I have to put her to bed..' Bard whispered.

'Sure.' Smiled Kili.

He walked them with his eyes and as soon as they disappeared, he sighed deeply. He wondered how different his life would be if his father wanted him in the first place. His mother's words echoed in his head again as he felt panic slowly take over his breathing. He scanned the room quickly and got up, he needed to breathe some fresh air, closed space seemed suffocating to him.

Kili woobly managed to reach the door and walked out.

When icy air hit his lungs, he felt the knot in his lungs loosen. He took a few steadying breaths and leaned over bannister. The town's streets were still empty, much to Kili's content.

'You may catch a cold if you stay here for too long.'

Kili slowly spun around to find the source of the voice. He noticed Balin standing in front of the door.

'Don't worry, I've only just walked out here.' He said cooly.

'Laddie..' Balin moved closer to Kili and stood by his side, also leaning onto the bannister. 'You can lie all you want, but we are not blind. Something's terribly wrong with you. They only way we can help you with that, is when we know what it is.' Balin stared at Kili who avoided his gaze and starred into the sky with unfocused eyes.

Balin waited for a few moments for Kili's response and when none came, he picked up again.

'I know you probably don't believe me, I also know how much we have hurted you over the years, all of us..' he sideglanced to see if he got any reaction, but Kili was as still as before. 'For that I deeply apologise –'

'Just stop.' Kili said with stern voice. 'Let's not dwell in the past.'

'We have to, Kili. So that it brings you peace. If you have a lot of hurtful memories from the past, they are going to haunt you even in the present.'

Kili felt anger slowly build inside of him. Now he's so smart, what about then? What about when he saw Thorin hit me? What about when I collapsed from not eating, why didn't he offer his help then? And when I was taken by Orcs, why nobody insisted on looking for me, instead of coming up with a gossip?

'Why is everybody so caring and loving now? I don't need that anymore.' Kili finally met Balin's eyes, the old dwarf wished he didn't – Kili's eyes were filled with pain and fury, that only somebody who was treated unfairly and left to deal with it on his own , could ever have.

'Laddie, I cannot even tell you how sorry I am, for what we've done and for not reacting when we should have…' Balin's heart broke when, before he fell asleep yesterday, his mind played over and over his mistakes in Kili's case, young dwarf's terrible condition made him wonder if there is anything he can do to help him and, most importantly, what Kili even thinks of him, since they've barerly talked.

'You see..' Kili turned to fully face Balin, his voice was tensed and irritated. 'I think the Orcs did me a favour back then. If I was to stay in Blue Mountains, I might have not been able to have this, or any other, conversation with you anymore.'

'Kili… what do you mean?' Balin asked trurly concerned and scared of what he was to hear.

'It doesn't matter, Balin.' He stated, now totally emotionless.

'But it does, Kili!' the eldest cried.

'What's happening?' Fili lurked out the door.

'Useless conversation.' Kili stated coldy and went back, passing Fili without even looking at him.

Blonde dwarf send Balin a questioning look but Balin simply hung his head down and sighed.

'Balin, tell me what happened.'

'I cannot reach him…' Balin whispered. 'I thought there was hope, but sadly, there isn't…' Balin also walked in, his shoulders sank deeply after Kili's words.

Fili stood there for a while, dumbfounded, but eventually, he also walked in.

As Kili entered the house, he found everobody gathered by the table, Thorin sitting at the top of it.

'…And we will need weapons, a lot of them…'

Kili saw a change in everybody's behavior after they got to Lake – Town; they were more tensed, since Durin's Day was closing in and also excited to be so close to their destination. He looked over at Colonists who, to his surprise, were listening to Thorin and nodding their heads. Seems like they decided to stay with him.

Another wave of dizziness approached and Kili took a step back only to be held by his shoulder with warm hands.

'Kili, what's going on?' Fili asked concerned.

Kili wanted to say he's fine, but he coudln't focus his thoughts and no words escaped his lips.

'Are you sick?' Fili turned his brother to look at his face and he didn't like what he saw. From up close, Kili looked even worse – his cheeks were sulked, dark circles around his eyes were very deep and much darker then from the distance, he overall looked extremly unwell.

'No, Filli, I'm not…' Kili murmured, still dizzy and unstable on his feet.

'What's going on?' Thorin looked up from the table and saw how Fili was holding his brother up, it seemed that if he let go, Kili would collapse on the spot.

'I think he may be sick, Uncle.' Fili sad with sad and concerned expression.

'We did swim through the cold river and also he's wounded..' wondered Balin.

Dwarves looked at Durin brothers with worry and Oin quickly got up and made his way to them.

'Kili, lad, let me look at that leg once more.' He stated politely but firmly.

Kili lightly shook his head, which he regretted soon after, it was no good for his dizzinness, which, annoyingly didn't want to leave him this time.

'Yes, I don't accept your no, Kili.' Oin asked Fil to help him bring his brother to an armchair.

As much as Kili wanted to protest, his body wasn't responding and suddenly his legs felt as if they were made of wool and he lost his footing, which surprised Fili and Oin who supported him ever so slightly.

'Oh – Fili catch him!' ordered Oin.

Others started to move towards them to help, but Thorin was the first one to reach them.

'There, Kili, don't overdo it.' He told him with a soft voice, which he would have never though he would ever use towards the spare.

When they seated him, his head lulled to the side. Kili was completely unconsious.