Allyn
It was the day of the holiday, Mid-Autumn's Eve is what it was used to be called. It was a bit of a joke name because, back then, there was no beginning and no end to Autumn, so every day was the middle.
It took on the name "Autumn's End" for a time, but fae found that to be far too depressing, so the name was left behind. Now it was largely referred to as just "the Autumn Holiday" or spoke about in general terms. This holiday was today and I was not happy about it.
It was painful to walk around the town and see the preparations for the festivities, hanging up wreaths of multicolored leaves, baking pies, setting up the various events and challenges, and so much more, knowing that I wasn't going to be participating.
Without Kendryek here, I was alone. I knew I might have been able to find a random, lucky fae to spend the time with, but that felt wrong. I didn't want just anyone for this. I wanted someone I cared about.
Erin was approached by the pastor of the church we had gone to, Vivianne was spending it with a fae from Quercus' land, Rosalind mysteriously vanished (probably to a secluded wooded area), I hadn't seen Lysander all day, and I would have rather given my left foot than gone with Hadrian. I didn't have anyone I knew to go with and I wasn't about to participate in it alone.
So there I was, in the god-damned reading room, waiting on fresh food to be brought to me by the servants. I figured that if I had my own, tiny feast, I would feel better about not eating any of what was outside. I could do nothing about listening to the sounds of the party, though, so I resigned myself to angrily reading alone.
At some point I tried something new. Maybe it was out of spite, maybe it was out of loneliness, maybe it was out of curiosity, but I tried contacting Lysander. I got nothing in response, but that only motivated me to try harder. I grappled with the connection, pouring all of my focus into try to realize it in my mind, and threw myself into it.
Then, something strange happened.
I found myself in Lysander cabin, a wine in my hand, sitting in front of a flame.
Then I was out of it, back to the reading room.
I had somehow jumped into his mind, just like Erin did that first day. I waited a moment, wondering if he had noticed. I expected him to berate me. Another moment passed. Nothing came.
I stood, my feet carrying me to the door of the reading room. He was in his cabin. I could find him there and annoy him until he agreed to at least talk to me. That would be far more entertaining than my alternative.
I knocked on the door. There was no response. Strange, I thought.
I knocked on the door again, louder this time. Still no response. Had he left? It had taken me some time to get to the cabin, which was plenty for him to leave.
"Why are you here?" he asked me.
"Why do you think? I'm bored and Kendryek left me alone, again," I replied.
"He must have failed to scare you away from me, then."
"I want to talk to you about it before I decide if I am deathly afraid of you or not."
The door opened. Lysander was sitting where he always did. An empty glass and bottle of wine sat beside him. He, as usual, showed no signs of the substance. I came in and took a seat in the other chair.
"It truly was my greatest mistake," he told me. "I didn't intend to harm his father that badly. Essentially, what happened, was that I was breaking into The Forest House. In my youth I was a pretty big thief - far more than I am now. I stole for the fun and for the wealth, not for any particular goal.
"I also tended to kill anyone who got in my way while. When Folius found me, he was unprepared and alone. In addition, he was recovering from a recent skirmish. Fearing capture, death, or injury, I reacted instantly, diving into his mind and harming him the same way I harmed Samanthia.
"I was unable to kill him - I do not know why. No matter how hard I tried, I could not bring myself to do it. Eventually I gave up, took what I had stolen, and left. I cannot remember what I took - I sold it to some rich prick within a few months - but I remember what I did.
"Folius recovered in a short period of time...but as you know, he was never the same. I deeply regret what I did. I am not proud of what was done, not in the slightest. At that point in my life I had only killed with that magic, never maimed. I did not know the true extent of the damage that it it could - would - do to a person."
"So you're not proud of what you did, not because you tried to kill him, but because you did it wrong?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. He sounded genuine, but I did not know for sure. I could never know for sure.
"I believe there is a time and a place for killing. Was it the right time or the right place? Probably not. Would Kendryek have suffered as much if I had ended him swiftly? Probably not. Would the Autumn Court be as unstable? No. The state of things you see now is because Folius lived, not in spite of it. It is a long and complicated story, but the gist of it is that I made a great mistake, one I will continue to regret every day." I nodded and meditated on what he said. I wanted to believe him, I really did, but I could hear Kendryek's voice telling me not to.
"Have you ever nudged me?" He laughed.
"I haven't been able to nudge people since Kendryek took my powers. I don't have enough to nudge anyone while continue to act like a normal, functioning fae. That's my punishment though, I suppose." I looked at his empty glass.
"Did you drink the whole bottle?" I asked.
"I did," he replied. "Does that surprise you?" I thought back to what Kendryek had said. "Lysander is not a fae. He is something different." I hated it, but I agreed with Kendryek. Lysander was not normal. He was clearly a threat, someone I wasn't sure I could trust, and someone whose power I did not understand in the slightest.
We sat there for a bit longer, listening to the distant sounds of fanfare, before I could no longer take it. I couldn't cast a glamour and neither could he, but he was quite skilled with makeup.
"I'm bored," I said, looking outside. "Do you want to have some fun?"
No more than thirty minutes later we strolled out of the cabin together, both entirely new fae. He changed my hair color to brown and his to gray - the only magic he did to transform us. He did my makeup to make me look a bit older, my skin a bit more wrinkled and added a few sun-spots. He did the same to himself.
When we reached the edge of the town I was almost jumping up and down with excitement. It would be the first time that I had ever attended such a thing. There would be small fairs within my town and the towns nearby mine, but grandfather was never there to take me, too tired to go, or I was too busy watching him to go and enjoy myself. Having no one to ever go with did not help in the slightest.
"What's the plan?" he asked me. I gazed out at the lines of stalls that wafted scents of freshly baked goods into the air, the bars and taverns that were filled to the brim with thirsty fae, and the dance floors, from which music emanated.
A blur of color flew towards me and I ducked out of the way. It clattered to the ground a few feet away. It was a painted wooden ring. The thrower was a child, the mother of whom ran up to me, apologizing furiously. I laughed, smiled, and told her to not worry about it. She snatched up the ring and grabbed ahold of her child by the ear, carting him off to some other area of the town.
I looked back to Lysander who watched the entire event play by in silence, laughter in his eyes.
"I want to experience it all."
The sun had long since set when we finally decided to take a break. We had done so many things I had almost lost track of them all. He beat me at most things - I had never done most of them before - but the one place where I was able to consistently crush him was in the little hunter's cabin. There, you used a toy bow to try and shoot real targets. I beat him at all levels of the game. They ranged from a "tykes first bow" to "grandmaster's last hunting trip." I crushed the early ones and was able to hold my own on the more challenging ones, despite them being designed for fae with hundreds of years of experience.
Lysander was a good sport about it, which is more than could be said for me. I tended to get a little mad whenever he effortlessly beat me.
When we combined our abilities for the games that required two players, we dominated. Three legged racing was cake as was two on two sparring. We quit playing football (where there was one ball and two goals) after getting clobbered by the two married fae who I recognized from the sweetshop in the town square.
Their coordination was unmatched. They always knew exactly what the other was going to do, where they were going to be, and what the plan was without ever saying a word. They kicked circles around Lysander and I until the time was up. I was frustrated with being beaten, but more sad than anything else. Their smiles at one another, their teamwork, and their love was a painful reminder of my mate status and my loneliness.
We stayed far away from the attractions that had a larger focus on romantics. We did not dance together, we didn't get a picture drawn of us sitting together, we didn't buy each other any gifts, and we sure as hell did not kiss under any of the oak leaf wreathes. Despite that, it was the best date I'd ever gone on. I had more fun that night than I had up until that point in my life. Lysander did not seem to be having the same experience. He was subdued, almost quiet. He smiled, but something about it seemed off. It missed the characteristic look in his eye that he always had. He seemed to be having a good time, though, so I left him to his own devices.
The night could not last forever, no matter how badly I wanted it to. When the sun had long since set, we retired to Lysander's cabin. We were sitting outside on the grass when I asked a simple question, looking for small talk to fill the space in the air.
"How was your trip to the Winter Court?" I asked, still a little out of breath. It had to be long past midnight, but I was hardly tired. My heart was still pounding and I felt ready to do it all again. "Did you give Kalista her tear back?"
He shook his head and said nothing for a few moments.
"Kalistas tear isn't real. It's just-"
"A metaphor?" I cut in.
"Yes. It's a metaphor for her lost daughter," he said, sounding sad. Being right sent a thrill through me, but it was short lived. Something was definitely up. I began to grow worried.
"What did I have then?" I inquired, confused.
"You see...Tonilia is…"
"What?" I was getting more confused by the second.
Lysander slumped forward, his head buried between his knees. He took a few deep breaths, then stood up.
"I can't keep lying to you like this." He took his shirt off and wings appeared. Great, black wings. They were similar to Hadrians, dark as the night itself and tipped with razor-sharp claws. My jaw dropped. "I'll explain everything, just come with me for a moment," he told me. He spread his wings out wide and offered me his hand. I wordlessly took it. He pulled me into his arms and gripped me tightly, then pushed off and flapped his wings with enough force to flatten the grass.
We landed on the roof of his cabin, facing Kirkwall. He sat down and gestured to the space beside him. I took it.
"I have a lot that I need to tell you, but you need to know all of it. Feel free to cut me off, yell at me, or hit me all you want.
"Kalista's tear isn't real. Well it is, but it's not what you think. The shiny blue rock that you brought us is just that. It's a rock. A rock with a few spells attached that let me communicate with the bearer, but it is nothing more. I knew your grandfather." My world lurched and the air knocked out of my chest.
"What?" He raised a hand to stop me. His voice was strained with emotion.
"He was my best friend when he was young. He knew everyone in the court, save for Erin. The story of how I got to know him is long and irrelevant. All you need to know is that he was the one person I trusted more than anyone else in this world."
"What?" I asked, the world spinning. How had my grandfather had known Lysander? Why? Why had he never told me? Why had Lysander never told me?
He set his head into his hands and made a sound that could have been a sob. He looked at me, his eyes panicked and damp.
"I don't know how to say this. I've tried to find a way to tell you for years and I've never figured it out," he told me. He set a hand on my shoulder and looked me dead in my eye. "You're the daughter of High Lady Kalista, one of two surviving descendants of the Alkyonide bloodline, and the only direct heir to the Court of Winter."
The world spun faster and faster. I felt panic rising in my chest and my heart beating faster. I couldn't believe any of what I was told, but for some reason I knew it was true. Everything I had ever known was a complete lie. Everything.
Then, it all stopped. In a weird kind of way, it made sense. It explained why Lysander found me so quickly. It explained why I got into the inner circle the moment I met eyes with Kendryek. It started to explain why my grandfather had a fae's disease. It was as if my life was a puzzle and now I could finally see the pieces.
"Did you do anything to my grandfather? Did you harm him how you did Folius?" I asked softly, almost fearing the answer.
"I did not. A few years after what happened with Folius, I never harmed someone the same way again. Samanthia and Jarrin? They'll be fine, forever. Maybe a bit of memory loss, but nothing worse than that. Folius was the only person I damaged in such a way." I believed him.
"Why?" I asked calmly. Deep down, I felt anger, but I kept it locked away. It would not help me now.
"This place isn't safe," he said, standing up and looking into the distance. I stood up with him. He pointed at a section of the far-off wall. It was cleaner, newer than the surrounding stone. "When you were born, there was a high likelihood of us getting into a war with Aurelius again. Last time it happened…"
"Erosa died," I said. "But why could none of you have defended me? Why did you leave me out there?" I didn't know what I meant. I was just angry. My childhood was hell. My teenage years was hell. Out there, my life was hell. Knowing that I was willingly put into that situation filled me with rage.
"You know how many people see you each day. How quickly word travels. In just a few days everyone knew that you were Kendryek's woman. They knew you were a stranger, but that you were almost instantly added to the court. That raises questions. Now, imagine that Kalista is pregnant. Everyone in the world knows she is. Then, she gives birth and the child 'doesn't survive more than a few days.'" I shivered. The images of those broken half-fae flashed into my mind. "But, in a similar period of time, a suspicious half-fae, Winter Court baby appears here. It would raise questions, lots of questions. Too many for us to risk." He sighed, both from pain and from relief.
"I don't appreciate my life being talked about like it's a list of pros and cons," I said calmly, but bitterly.
"I know, but I had to make this choice. I knew life in the mortal lands would not be good. It never is. Life here, though, could have resulted in much worse." I had no clue how to respond. The pieces were coming together. It was satisfying and painful, oh so painful. My dream of finally finding a loving parent was shattered.
"My mother is Kalista, High Lady of the Winter Court," I whispered to myself. I was the heir to the Winter Court. I was the heir to the winter court.
"I'm not ready," I said, terrified of the implications. If she died, the court - a court that hated me from the deepest pit of it's soul - was mine.
"Good thing is, Kalista won't be going anytime soon. She is weak, but she is far from death," Lysander told me. "Besides, you are one of us now. Regardless of what happens, you are one of us. You will stay here, if you choose to." He grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I anchored myself to his touch.
"What happened? How did you find me?" Lysander held onto my hand and looked me in the eye.
"When Kalista felt the first kick in her stomach, it was at a Gathering. There, she knew. I was there when it happened, I felt her rage. I knew something was wrong, and I began to plan." I rubbed my forehead. I was getting a headache. "Despite what Kendryek thinks of me, I do try to save lives when I can." He stopped himself. "I am not sure if you want to know this next part. It is gruesome," he told me.
"Tell me," I demanded without hesitation. "I want to know."
"I did a bit of memory stealing, some other kinds of stealing, and found that I wasn't alone in trying to keep you alive. There are people, who shall go unnamed, in the Winter Court who wanted to keep you alive as well. Of course, Kalista is not a fool. She was a step ahead of them as well.
"Long story short, after being born, you were taken to your father's home - yes, he was still alive at the time - in the mortal lands. Days later, mercenaries were sent to the building to kill all inside of it and burn it down. I managed to save you, implant a false memory in the mercenaries, and escape with your life. I took you to the only person I trusted enough for this task, your grandfather, suppressed your power, and left."
"Who knows?" I asked.
"Kendryek and I were the only ones who know it is you. Then, Kendryek had me sent to the Winter Court to notify Kalista. I had no choice but to comply." The bitterness in his voice stung. "It was a fool's errand. Nothing was gained, but now Kalista knows her daughter is alive." I tensed. That made two High Lords who were after my blood. Lysander pulled me into a tight hug. "It will be alright. Kalista was going to figure out sooner or later. There is nothing she can do about it now except deny. She will deny it, no matter how obvious, till her death." I didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.
"I don't want anyone else to know," I said. I was already sick of being recognized in hallways, given weird looks, and ostracized. I didn't want it to get any worse. Lysander hugged me again.
"They won't." I sat back down and stared off into the distance. Where did I go from here?
Lysander sat beside me and curled a wing around my body, keeping it just close enough that I could feel his heat without our skin touching.
"So what's with those?" I asked. They were the least incredible thing about the day, but incredible nonetheless.
"I've had them for a long time. Long story as to how I acquired them. I keep them hidden most of the time. They are a relic from my past, a past I try to distance myself from," he explained. He took out his knives and flipped them in his hands. "Don't tell Erin I have them. She'll get upset."
"Why's that?"
"For a long time, even up until now, I used the 'neither of us have functioning wings' excuse to avoid getting married to her. The marriage ceremony for Peregryns requires at least some flying. Without it, most Peregryns won't recognize the marriage as official." My mouth fell open.
"You liar!" He shrugged and looked down.
"Not my proudest lie, but it was better than 'I am extremely sorry I used you as a rebound, can we still be friends?'" I punched him in the arm, but leaned in.
"How can I be sure you're not lying to me anymore?" He sighed, defeated. His voice cracked when he spoke.
"You can't. You'll just have to trust me," he said. "I'm getting better about it, though. There's nothing else that you need to know about yourself or I. I was a terrible creature, I'm trying to be better. One step at a time." I grumbled, still not entirely satisfied. "But I will tell you this. I don't lie to my friends because I think it'll get me the most sex, money, or power. I do it to try and protect them, though I recognize that's not always how it works.
"Speaking of which, I owe you this. Your power. I suppressed it to help hide you, at some cost to myself." I didn't have time to prepare before he grabbed the sides of my head and stared deep into my eyes. I tensed, fearing what was going to happen. Nothing did, or at least nothing I felt did.
Then, a cold tingling sensation spread throughout my body, radiating through every vein, every pore, every cell of my body. It was unlike the iciness of anger, or the freeze of loneliness. This cold was me, it was my power. It was mine. It was what I lacked throughout my childhood, it was what separated me from the "useful" half-fae, and it was what Hadrian lambasted me for lacking. My power. My own magic.
When it was done, I felt like a whole new person. It felt like nothing in my life would be the same, from this point until ever.
"Well, uh, that was something," I said as he took his hands off me and started flipping a nife. The wings around my vanished.
"It really was," he murmured, casting out a hand and watching a few glimmers of sparks fly through the air. "I can help you learn how to use it, if you so wish." I leaned back into him, feeling better. A big piece of my puzzle had been put into place.
"Lysander," I started. "Do you trust me?" I asked. He looked at me funny.
"Why shouldn't I? You've never given me a reason not to," he replied. A smile lit my face, then quickly faded. I could not say the same for him. Despite this, I did not pull away. Trust or no trust, I felt safer when I was nearer to him.