Chapter Thirteen: Descent into Madness

"I'm always nice to you," Amy reasoned, almost scowling as she crossed her arms on her chest. Clearly, despite the alcohol in her system, she had evident concern in her. Another shift in her mood and then she was pleasant to him again. "Aw, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone," she said, almost emotional,. She reached for him and wrapped him across the shoulders tightly.

"Gone? Where are you going?" he asked calmly, confused. He's been having a hunch about where this was going, but he can't tell for sure. Amy had been brimming with ambiguity this night and figuring out what she was saying was a rather Herculean task.

"Somewhere far, Blue Eyes," she answered sedately, leaning into the headboard. She closed her eyes and reminisced. Blue eyes… it's always so deep, makes me wanna dive in.

"Amy, I'm confused. What 'far' are you saying? Are you going away?" He scooted nearer. The beat of his heart has gone mad at the nonchalance she had been displaying.

"Shhh! Be quiet, it's our secret." She put her finger in front of his mouth. "I'm going to Dartmouth. Don't tell anyone, okay?" she admitted eagerly. Her eyes widened at the sudden realization. "Oh, shoot! I already told someone about this. My bad." She had her hands on his shoulders and chuckled with her eyes narrowed.

At times, he would join in to Amy's laughter, chuckle as though lunatics. He'd also cherish those moments whenever she's the first one to crack up. But this time, laughing seemed hard to concoct. "Dartmouth? Are you having a seminar there? It's fine by me if you were gone for a week, I guess," he answered seriously, still unaware of the severity of what she was about to say…

"A week?!" she shrieked with her eyes wide open. "No, no, no, brother! They want me for…" Amy raised her hand, vacillating between her index and middle finger, "…one…" she raised her index finger, squinting at it closely if she got the right finger out, "…yes, for one semester!" she said proudly, nodding her head in confidence. Taken aback, the realization hit her. "Wow, that's a long time, huh?"

"One semester? A short summer semester? I heard New Hampshire is beautiful in the late spring and early summer. Either way, it's a peaceful state."

She chuckled, grasping her hands together. "Ha! I'll start on September 12! Well, I'll move September 12 and start September 15!" she announced. Her amazement was unwavering. Intoxication might be a factor in that.

"September?" He stood up in confusion, towering Amy who was still lazily sitting at the bed. "The very week I'm starting my classes?!" he said in disbelief, slowly understanding how this was going to turn out. I'm teaching… and Amy's not there… and she's moving away!

Amy just tapped her nose twice in jest. She thought this was just a silly encounter with Sheldon, who seemed to not enjoy her quips at all. It was still unknown to her that Sheldon's having an internal struggle within himself that the genius in him wasn't equipped to respond.

"Why haven't you told me about this? Are you just going to disappear and not tell me about it?! If it weren't for you being drunk, you weren't planning on telling me, were you!" The tone of his voice rose. He was rambling his words. He paced the room as he anxiously fiddled with the hem of his plaid pajama shirt. Thoughts were rapidly drifting in his mind that stopping them was pointless.

"Hold up, Sugar!" Amy's now sensing the apparent dispute. "I'm already telling you! No need to be bitchy about it," she insisted.

"I am not being spiteful." He stopped in his tracks and crossed his arms on his puffed chest. "You can't go, Amy!" he demanded again. The way he pleaded was almost forceful, begging.

Amy fought back with a rather confusing statement. "And why not? Are you pre-egnant?!"

"Wait… what?" He furrowed his forehead at the disconcerting response. How drunk is she? He remembered he's still talking to an intoxicated Amy. A few seconds passed and Sheldon just shrugged off that unrelated question. "You can't go. You promised to stay here. You can work back at UCLA, it'll be fine with me!" he suggested almost frantically.

She had the look of disbelief in etched in her face, her mouth ajar. "Hold on! I'm drunk, not stupid. I remembered that I get to have my career even though we are married. And I asked you to include it in that contract." Her consciousness was slowly overthrowing the intoxication. Although still having a slur, her thinking was much clearer than a few minutes ago.

"I wasn't expecting that you will have that kind of career! What do I know? I agreed because I might get to work at CERN and I'm not passing that up. No way!" Sheldon defended. His lethal, innate patriarch took over. The things men say, especially to their female counterparts. That seemed to trigger something in Amy that led to catharsis.

"HOLY…"

Words that were vicious in nature were spoken. Names such as blockhead and numskull were called, and even meaner names he ought were fake but turned out to be real. And swear words his parents used to say to each other while fighting, including dagnabbit and Sugar Honey Iced Tea (he only got the meaning of it at a family gathering when Georgie told him to spell it out), and more foul words than a person could fit in one breath.

He thought he will hear those words coming from Amy's father, when, it a possible future, Sheldon would inadvertently hurt her. He will say words to Amy; she will be upset; the news would reach her father; in return, the 190lbs, 5 foot 9 ex-Navy reserve will barge into his apartment and ask for his presence. He will say those words to Sheldon and maybe shoot him in the foot as a warning not to see her daughter ever again. That's just how he would imagine it, but still, it was fine with him to be berated by Amy's father, as long as the pistol is out of the picture.

Sheldon witnessed it firsthand, the darker side of Amy. He never thought one could put that many bad words in a whole sentence, much more in one breath. Also, he was expecting this to happen, just not so soon. Her outburst didn't anger him at all; if so, it knocked some sense into him. He couldn't rival her anger because he might hurt himself, or worse, he might hurt Amy.

It would have been highly likely that he'd get this kind of berating from Amy's father or any other male relative, or if his own father was still alive, he'd say that to him, too. What would Dad say if he saw me at this stage of life right now? Would he be proud? Maybe he'll just say: "This is ridiculous, why'd you marry someone?"

He noticed Amy had stopped with her rants. She knelt on top of the bed, balled fists and puffed chest. She was breathing heavily, her nose flared up in anger. He knew he was in danger with how he acted, but he still stood by his request for Amy to stay.

"Amy, will you please calm down," he sensibly replied once he was back from his reverie. He caressed his forehead in exhaustion.

"How can I calm down if you're being unreasonable?!" Amy threw her arms in the air and groaned, enraged and exhausted.

"You don't understand, I don't want you going away for a long time. A week? Sure, fine, bring me a souvenir! 4… 5 months? Did you hit your head, Amy? You might be suffering from a concussion," he explained in a somewhat raised but calm voice.

For Amy, that passed the passive-aggressive meter she had within her. He thought he was trying to sound logical and calm but deep inside, there were condescension and arrogance hidden in his words. She stood up in the bed, walked at the very edge and leaped at the carpeted floor, making the contact produce a menacing thud, startling anyone who would hear it. The moment Sheldon saw Amy calculating the distance and swaying her hands, he knew he should stand back. He fumbled a step back as Amy snapped at him.

"Ugh! I can't believe that I was worried about how you'd react! This… this is not worth my efforts! You are not worth my efforts, Sheldon! What do you care anyway? You're satisfied with Caltech, you don't need anything more!" She moved toward him adamantly, he stepped back. She moved again, he backed away even further. A hard material caught his back. He was trapped between a raging Amy and the closet.

If she was angry a little while back, her anger shot to the limits now. She gritted her teeth and pointed at his chest, incensed. "Let me tell YOU this: this offer was way before you entered back into my life, ergo, YOU don't have any say to this," she said with conviction, never breaking eye contact. It was like a settled agreement and any further amendments were not welcome.

Sheldon was stuck in his rigid stance. He had his whole body glued to the closet. His head retreated back until he hit something hard. He can feel Amy's heavy breathing hit around his throat, sending chills down his spine; that prompted him to gulp in nervousness. Also, the area in his chest were she poked him was quite sore, to be honest.

"Amy, I don't want you going there," he whispered, mumbling his words. He wasn't in his head when he said that. It seemed like it was the wrong response because of Amy's expression intensifying. He expected a choke or a slap, that's why he closed his eyes and drew his chin in his chest, waiting for the sting of the slap or the lack of air to happen.

Contrary to his painful expectation, coldness welcomed him. He felt the cool air blow across his body as Amy retreated away from him. In hesitation, he opened one eye to peek and saw Amy trying to breathe calmly, her eyes were tightly shut as her hands were on her hips. Continuing her breathing, it took her a few seconds before she popped her eyes. Sheldon relaxed in position when he saw Amy approach the glass of water he brought, instead of approaching him to give him a slap.

She turned to him and said sternly, "Well guess what? I am anyway," before gulping the cold water in a mere 9 seconds.

Sheldon exhaled, regaining his relaxed posture. "Okay, okay! H-How about you go next year?" he recommended blithely. "I have a hunch that 2015 is the year for Dartmouth. N-Not right now. You can go back to UCLA… o-or maybe Caltech. I'm sure they'll be happy to have you back." It was the wrong moved when he smiled. Amy kept glaring at him despite his delightful suggestion.

"I am going, Sheldon." She really couldn't stress it enough with him, the sternness shall remain. However, it was not as ardent as before the cold water. It really helped her calm down and sober up, but that didn't make her feel otherwise about her decision. She kept her hands on her hips, breathing heavy but steady.

Taking advantage of Amy's lessened anger, Sheldon extenuated, "But the people… and the… the place… and the cold… Dartmouth is not for this year… How about n-next year… w-when I'm done with teaching—"

"This is final. I am going," she responded with conviction. Amy pushed aside Sheldon to get her clothes for the night but was stopped dead in her tracks as the next union of words left Sheldon's mouth.

He wailed, "BUT I LOVE SPENDING TIME WITH YOU, AMY! W-Who's going to be with me when you're gone?" The last words came out as a whisper. He almost choked up from the declaration.

Then he remembered that time…

"I enjoyed our time together, Amy. Take care as you embark on your new journey. I'll see you when you come back." He beamed at her. Amy will miss those awkward yet genuine smiles. Those gripping, stimulating conversations. Those missed opportunities to see each other.

"You're making me sad. I'll miss you, Sheldon." She pouted, almost ready to cry, but she wouldn't because they are in a public space.

This might be the last meeting they'll have in years to come. She's off to the airport in a few hours, ready to embark on new experiences in the unforeseeable future. The reason for her being on the edge of crying was because of what happened a few days ago.

She and Sheldon had a spat; worse, they had it on voice call. She told him she was moving away to be a visiting researcher and lecturer at John Hopkins and maybe there will be other offers that might hinder her from coming back home to California for a long time. Of course, Sheldon partially accepted it, but by the time their call ended, he was cold and distant and wouldn't return her calls, even her texts.

Yesterday, she texted Sheldon that all her belongings were ready, and her flight would be in the afternoon. She just texted that for formality's sake, but she never expected him to respond the next morning. Unexpectedly, he texted her and said he was waiting at a café just a block away from her apartment. She was even more elated to hear that he didn't forget. For Sheldon, he was surprised to see Amy entering the shop, given her hectic schedule, but gratified she did anyway.

Despite having met maybe 5 times and countless Skype calls during the duration of their almost 2-year friendship, Amy will cherish the look on his face whenever they talk. They sat down together for almost 3 hours. They talked. They laughed. They ate food together. They shared stories just like they would on their normal video calls.

Again with the smile, he leaned in and pat the tops of her hand. "Don't be sad. This is not a reason to be sad, Amy. I'll keep in contact despite our 3-hour time difference," he assured her. Having forgotten about their recent fight, Sheldon had been nothing but sweet in his own ways.

Sheldon's words melted her. She never thought Sheldon had this soft side in him. He rarely displayed it, but once he's comfortable, he'll treat you like an equal. "Thank you. And take care of yourself, too. I will let you know when I arrive."

She took the last sip of her tea and stood up. Despite the leftover Danish pastry, Sheldon wrapped it with his napkin and followed her back to her apartment. Once at the entrance of the building, they parted ways. He even offered to carry her luggage but Amy declined, saying that she can do on her own. Instead, she innocently offered her hand as they said goodbye, hoping that a handshake wouldn't trigger his fear of germs. Sheldon was puzzled that Amy wanted a handshake.

As guilt ate him up—after all the mean things he did to her in the past days—he wrapped his arms around Amy, albeit stiff. It was an extraordinary gesture from him; sure, Amy could use a much more comforting, loving hug, but Sheldon doing the best he can to show that he'll be missing her and will be thinking about her well-being was more than what she could ask for.

Amy slowly closed back the closet door and declared to Sheldon. Irritation in her voice, she said, "Give my room back to Leonard. I don't know! Maybe find someone else to satisfy your needs!"

Sheldon was taken aback. Something had been ripped inside of him. It was painful, almost gut-wrenching to the point where his insides are being torn apart deliberately. He choked back, "D-Does that mean you want to end whatever relationship that we currently have?"

Amy sighed at the reaction. Her choice of words might not be best for their situation but one thing she was certain of was her decision. She responded weakly, "What I'm gonna do is accept that job offer and move there. This is a done deal." She walked right past him and entered the bathroom.