Chapter Sixteen: The Woman Hater
Tiger: Can I see Monica's belly?
Mark: Sure.
Mark: pic attached
Mark: Monica has an outie!
Tiger: Awh! How cute!
Tiger: Does she know what she's having?
Mark: A girl.
Tiger: Yay! I hoped she was! Now I can start buying a bunch of cute stuff.
As if.
Tiger: I am so happy for her! She's smiling so big! I can't wait to see the baby! I'm going to sit for her all the time and make sure to spoil her to death.
Mark: You're wonderful.
Tiger: I miss you guys so much! Love you both!
Mark: We miss & love you too.
Neither of them mentioned that Tiger Lily had visited Mark at work last week—as she did every week. Dropping off a present she'd gotten from a friend and hadn't liked. "Just for Monica!" she cooed. Not hiding why Monica was being given the gift. "I don't like it, so I thought of her!" Beyond dropping off the "gift", she'd wanted to see Monica's husband.
Tiger Lily delighted in knowing Mark would find her "sweet" for the "gift", Monica would find her "bitchy", and they would fight over it.
He never told her, but she knew. She'd divorce a man who wasn't loyal to her, even if she was Snow White and he Prince Charming. And Mark finding her "sweet" in spite of her deliberate and obvious insults for Monica was disloyal to his wife.
On the contrary, Tiger Lily hadn't seen Monica in two years. Not since Mark told her he met "The One" and she'd begged to meet her.
When she had, Tiger Lily had ascertained Monica would despise her. Mark tried to include her in the conversation, and Tiger Lily leapt to get the focus back on "what a sweet person" Tiger Lily was. Mark ate out of her hand. Monica had abhorred her.
So of course, Tiger Lily had kissed her cheek before leaving. "I love you so much! I'm glad you two are together!"
All a show to make Mark question Monica's sanity for disliking the ex-fairy.
Extremely sweet on the surface, no one could call her out on her deplorable behavior. Not without seeming the true bitch.
Tiger: Hey, Raoul. How's Rach?
Raoul: Just had the baby.
Raoul: pic
Tiger: Whoa! She's GORGEOUS! What's her name?
Raoul: Shiane.
Tiger: What a lovely name. Did she pick a middle name?
Raoul: Unsure.
Tiger: Ooh, can you use my middle name? Please? It's Lavender. Tiger Lily Lavender Collins is me! I love your daughter's precious face!
Tiger Lily was beside herself with giddiness, imagining Raoul forcing his wife to use "sweet Lily's" middle name. Rachel wouldn't look at her child without gritting her teeth if Tiger Lily got her way.
An unfamiliar number sent Tiger Lily a text, which deflated her.
Unsaved: It's Rachel. Shiane already has a middle name. Rowdy. I just haven't had a chance to tell Raoul yet.
Tiger: oh wow, it's perfect.
Unsaved: Lavender is a LOVELY name, but it's not for her. Raoul suggested Rowdy, among others. He helped me figure it out.
Tiger: Oh WOW that's awesome! It's perfect! Congratulations! I love you so much and wish desperately I could be there for you!
She didn't mean it.
Raoul and Rachel had moved to Paris, France twelve years ago. Tiger Lily had visited them and, as was her game, excluded Rachel and made sure Raoul thought she was a million bucks.
She then pressured the mom of four to visit Storybrooke, acting like she wanted Rachel there. Rachel clearly wanted the kids to go, but she also sensed Tiger Lily only wanted her there to get Raoul there.
So they didn't visit. And now Rachel had a fifth baby.
"She had two abortions before she was eighteen," confided Raoul. "She's great at getting pregnant. She's a wonderful mother too," he added affectionately as his wife slept grouchily to block out her husband's disloyalty.
Tiger Lily should have Rachel's number since she begged for it, but she only wanted Raoul's number. Getting Rachel's number was just to pat the girl on the head and make her appear petty.
As she stepped in Granny's Diner, a guy friend bumped into her. "Look! Philip sent an adorable picture of Eric!" He was referring to Philip and Aurora's third son.
Tiger Lily looked at the picture then hurried to find a booth so she could text the prince—not Aurora.
Tiger: OMG! Harry showed me the pic! What a handsome kid!
Tiger: What size clothes does he wear? What do you need? Ahh! I must buy a gift!
Yeah right. She'd been bluffing for months. Ever since their second youngest (Phoebe, their only girl) was in Aurora's belly, she'd insisted she was buying something for them.
Of course, only Aurora noticed or realized Tiger Lily had no intention of buying anything. Her words were saccharine and loving, so Philip (being a man and not very bright) assumed Tiger Lily was saccharine and loving.
Tiger: Or what would Aurora like for herself?
Philip: We got everything. Don't buy clothes. We have so many, he won't get to wear them all.
Getting inspired by the bottle in the picture, Tiger Lily licked her chops.
Tiger: Is she nursing or formula feeding?
Philip: 100% nursing.
Tiger: Okay, I'll send some stuff that helped me when I was nursing.
Philip: You've had a baby?
Tiger: I'm 700 years old. I'm ANCIENT.
But she hadn't nursed. She was merely trying to put images in Philip's head. There'd been another fairy who nursed all the baby fairies.
After her customary syrupy-sweet goodbye, Tiger unlit her phone screen and leaned back in her seat.
She hadn't been like this before Fiona messed her up. But Rumple's mother had brought out the worst in her—a hatred of women Tiger Lily hadn't known she could possess.
The change wasn't immediate but happened slowly over time, like erosion.
But now Tiger Lily was proud of her skillful spite and unnecessary drama.