Author's Notes: Hey everyone, sorry for the slow update. Let it be warned that this chapter is the longest chapter yet. Also! I couldn't figure out how to block quote on FF and so I ended up [italicizing] a small portion of the paragraphs (at the beginning only) in order to point out that it is in the past tense. Usually, I use italics to emphasize inner monologues and internal thoughts. This portion does not conform to that.
Be forewarned, this chapter is a bit dialogue-heavy.
Heads up! We are nearing the end! Thank you for being patient with me!
Chapter 16: Stranger
[Tenten, Shinobi]
"Are you still dreaming of him?"
Tenten bobs her head once; she has been spacing out ever since she sat on the cool metal chair. She snaps from her dazed daydream, and blinks, "Well, yes," she replies to Sakura. "Sorry, I was thinking."
Sakura raises a brow and leans back onto her own cold chair. Above them, the summer morning sun is beaming down to their village. Her attention spares the twin-bunned woman and catches Ino escaping her floristry from across the hardened dirt road to join them. "Thinking about what?"
The unpolished legs of the third chair screech as Ino drags them through the ground. She sits and is offered a luke-warm chamomile tea from the pink-haired woman. "What did I miss?"
"Tenten-san dreamed of him again."
"Oh that's not good," Ino comments as she sips the watery concoction. She presses her fingers to her lips, wincing at the slight taste clouding her sensitive buds, "Has anything changed?"
Tenten shakes her head, her eyes still boring deep plastic holes onto the table. It is still the same, it has been the same dream ever since she received his welcome. Tenten cannot remember the number of nights that passed ever since she asked for him to appear in her lucid dreams. But since his arrival, the days have gone by even slower. Not a day goes by without her knowing she'll eventually dream of him before tomorrow. It doesn't even matter to her that it is always the same thing she sees when she's asleep:
The soft thumping of his heartbeat sounds wavy; the sound of his sleepy breaths keeps her soul in serenity. It is even better that her head is resting on his chest. The blows of his rising chest in itself, encompassing everything, it is music to her. He is warm to the touch. His hair is threading between her fingers; they are soft just as she's imagined them to be. Her hand is gently caressing his cheek as a dark night passes. There is no one but them sharing a bed and a thin cover.
How can it not be something she wishes not to experience? A dream as genuine it can get, Tenten will never change a thing if it means to see his angelic face.
"This isn't normal, is it?" Ino asks Sakura, "for three entire months?"
Sakura shrugs. She keeps her eyes solid on the pale-faced kunoichi staring off into space once again. "Have you been doing what I asked you to do?"
What Sakura has asked before, perhaps two months ago when Tenten first told her about this recurring dream, was not to sleep too much. She says it will not be good for her health to fall asleep irregularly. However, there isn't much Tenten can do on her own will. Falling asleep is like falling in love. It is more than fitting that such a phrase is so literal to her. And as Sakura asks her that question, Tenten chuckles. She can't imagine not wanting to fall in love over and over again with the person in her dreams.
"Tenten, are you listening?" Sakura repeats.
The pink-haired woman's words are emptily collected. Tenten lays her head on her folded arms on the surface of the table, "Mmhm," is all that she mutters. What's swimming in her head is the thought of counting his heartbeats again.
Sakura frowns at the older woman's childish embrace. At once, she can feel a panging throb curdling from within. As much as it is stressing her that such a dream has latched itself onto the poor woman, she can understand the desire to keep the dream coming. With a peace unity spreading across all villages, it makes indulging in a lucid fantasy more effortless; there are fewer interruptions and fewer things to worry about.
"The days are getting longer and I'm having to wait a little longer," Tenten murmurs. "If it makes you happy, I'll gladly keep my eyes open until our hangout is over." She props her head upon her hands with elbows stationed to the table. she grins and switches her glassy eyes for a pair of lively ones. Shifting glances between the two other women, Tenten announces, "I know you both have plans for the entire day. Shall we get started?"
Ino meets eyes with Sakura. They share an equally perturbed expression.
[Neji, Shinobi]
The first mistake was to find her at all costs.
In all those days handcuffed to the hospital bed, Neji shouldn't have bartered his infinite lives dying to find Tenten. If he had known the consequences of his deeply buried emotions for her, if he'd just stayed at the hospital, he wouldn't be here holding onto a shell of his comrade so tightly. Yet, all that he wishes to do despite his core telling not to, is to keep her close at all costs. He cannot let her go even though it is clear that she will be hurt.
His body stiffened into cold ice the moment her warm thumb brushed through the gauze that hid his absent wound on his abdomen. Neji knew he was found out. He was afraid to open his eyes and confront her and so had feigned a deep slumber. But as that thumb left his midriff and bumped against their bodies up to the corner of his lip, the slight tug on his lower lip broke his ignorance. Neji flew his eyelids opened and gazed right into her half-opened hazel orbs, finding them unfocused, not on him but on the cut that Sai had given him. That injury was gone. She said nothing and gave not a single word nor sound.
As this silence cast over him, Neji found himself tongueless. He couldn't lie to her and he couldn't tell the truth either. If she'd any resentment or fear, Neji couldn't tell because of his erratic heart.
Tenten had moved closer than before, seizing her arm around his waist. Her petite face melted into his neck and he could feel a soft peck at his collarbone. Neji's heart was beating a drum even as its leather tore. She disregarded her discovery. Yet again, he wasn't questioned. And naively, his hand moved to covet her as if by habit. The genius knew he was no more than a broken twig.
"You don't have to tell me anything," her whisper shattered the loud silence between them.
Neji felt all his breath sucked out from his entire being. He should have known this was what she'd say, for countless times, she had uttered words along the same sentence. However, it was impossible to fathom this ignorance on her part. Neji was unsettled, continuously unsure if he could keep up with his charade.
The warm breath of her words hushed the rowdy thoughts in his mind, "It will change nothing."
Neji could feel her lips mouthing his name, yet the sound of it never made it out. Faced with contradicting fervor, he could only let out a rumbling sigh. Neji remained tugged between both worlds, knowing better than to hold onto a woman whom he had destroyed his sanity over. He knew it wasn't morally correct to covet, kiss, and hold her hands anymore.
Just hours ago, he made the definitive decision to keep his true comrade close to his heart. He knew that it was his comrade whom he was deeply holding onto. And yet, it pained him to remove this woman from his arms. Neji hesitated just a fraction of his grasp of this woman at the thought of his comrade. He never knew how weak his heart was until now.
Throughout the night, he's anchored himself to accept that he cannot be the one for her. Still, his hands refuse to abide by his rules. He holds onto her, dividing his frozen heart between what is right and wrong.
From the warm breaths Tenten transfers onto his collarbone, she adds distance to them, moving back just a few hard inches to search for his renowned white eyes. Neji releases his tight hold completely, offering a soft casual hand at her shoulder. He stares into her orbs, fixating her features at the background of his mind as his memories traverse to the first time he saw her.
The experience of being deceased is that of a series of dead matches failing to light a flame. Neji doesn't know what it feels like to be dead. He has no recollection of it; if there is no light, then how could one experience it? Neji imagines it being pure nonexistence, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Time does not exist. There is nothing. —There was nothing until the match licked fire and engulfed his entire being into existence. And then, just like that, Neji came to be, boxed in a hard, cold, and jagged container with light leaking through from the seams. When Neji broke out from that metal box, a soft and light moonlit night welcomed him back to life. And it was there, that the reflection of her shimmering face held his hands from what be believed to be his coffin, and aided him out of that treacherous and bleak form that they called: the dead.
Even now, with the minimalist of light, her gleaming feature still draws him and keeps him grounded to her world. Neji hasn't heard any word she's said if she had said any at all in the time that she placed distance between them. She is looking at him with eyes of forlorn. Her eyes remind him of Lee's on that fateful day on the battlefield that ended his life. It is pitiful, too insufferable to conjure those blurry memories but Neji does so because he can do nothing else. Her eyes are wailing to him despite the absence of tears. Neji can tell that these speckled orbs have withheld more than a million questions for him. He knows it is because she wishes for him to not be perturbed. More so, she's begging him not to leave with that look. And even though Neji knows it is wrong to do as she wishes, he continues to burrow in her black orbs.
"Don't tell me anything," Tenten whispers. A lump profusely enlarges with every word at her throat, "I really don't want to know."
The seconds tick by with her last word trailing like a duckling, naively, with not a single care in the world. Neji removes his light press on her shoulder and sits up. He forcefully averts his gaze to the listening walls and turns his chin from the object of his puzzle. "Aren't you afraid of me?" Tenten is a fearless police officer in this world. Where her fear should be, Neji presumes it should never be on someone she is content in being with. However, it shouldn't apply to someone like him. Perhaps, with an equivalent of him in this world— perhaps.
The quick knitting of her brows at his question further knots as the doorbell rings. Tenten sits up, tilting her head to the side. Neji is captured in her once more with her sudden rise. He almost grabs her hand for fear of an intruder. Before he can react, she has slid toward the door. Neji's brows furrow and his heartbeat quicken just a tad. He has gotten used to acting out on his pure instincts. Without minding the principles of his clans or their all-seeing eyes, he almost took her into his hands. The question he asked is lost. Neji doesn't think of it. He steadies to his feet.
[Tenten, Modern]
What kind of question is that? Tenten sits up just as the doorbell rings. The impending confusion mixed with anger for Neji's question dispels. Before she stands, her eyes linger on his flummoxed expression. And as she walks, she erases all contradiction between that hand hesitance, that question, and those unreadable onyx orbs. Tenten wraps her fingers around the knob and turns it. She finds a bundled up, red-nosed Lee standing before her. "Lee?"
Lee sniffs, pilfering air into his lungs. He peeks beyond her shoulders to the darkness behind her. The profiler is nowhere to be seen.
"What are you doing here so early?" Tenten asks him.
Lee sweeps his gaze back onto the detective and grins, "Ah, well. A Konoha detective ordered a wellness check on you," his eyes slowly inches back onto the inside of her home for the profiler, "to make sure you're doing okay."
Tenten follows Lee's fixation, understanding where the concern is. A wellness check? On me? For what reason? Her eyes follow his' to the inside of her house. In her deduction, she infers his concern is with either the house or the other person occupying it. Her mind momentarily riddles itself with the images of Neji acting unusual from last night. A chilling tremble jumbles up her spine. The images of Neji's opaque self turning transparent, of him whispering cries unwelcome to her ears, of his seemingly nonexistent wounds, of his non-beating heart; it gushes at her all at once. Tenten digs her nails to the doorknob and door frame. Overtly, she is unstable. Yet, she smiles at Lee in riveting bliss. "I'm doing fine. Did you need me to start early?"
"May I ask where our profiler is? Hyuuga Neji?" Lee inquires, his attention still seeps past her door.
"What is the problem?" Neji's voice surprises Tenten, making her blanch. He comes to stand beside her.
"Ah, I was wondering where you were," Lee explains. "You both will be coming in today, correct?"
Tenten blows a soft huff through her nostrils and nods, "We are," she states.
Neji looks down to Tenten, noticing all the muscles in her jaw tightening with every forceful grin she gives to Lee. He refrains from saying anything.
"Great! Well, I should get the station ready for today. After all, it's both of your first big days," Lee exclaims.
Tenten nods him off with a frozen smile until he enters the car. She then shuts the door, finding it difficult to shake off the unsettling feeling Lee has instilled in her. Tenten cannot find the courage she easily had earlier to confront Neji. As a result, she merely swerves her head to lead herself from him. However, it is not without any repercussions. Her head nails his chest but he apologizes in her stead.
"I'm sorry," Neji endearingly confesses, "my incompetence has led to this-"
"I don't want to hear it," Tenten firmly asserts, "Don't explain yourself." She should have let him continue, that way their incongruencies can be aligned. Why does it feel as though this incompetence isn't what it seems? She has long sensed that their roads are miles apart. He may have spoken for one thing and she may have understood it as another. Tenten pauses. She should have let him speak.
Neji clenches his jaw, halting himself from further inquiry simply because she inquires so.
Tenten believes it to be the last of his words now that he hasn't spoken. She rests her eyes, begging that this eerie feeling of hers disappear right away. She walks towards the bathroom, finding no further need to resume sleep with morning already beginning its course. Tenten hears his voice bridge to her, "Although I am inexperienced in what a profiler does and in your line of work, if you insist I come too, I will not object."
Tenten stops in her tracks just as her reasoning begins to settle in. She dispels a silent sigh swallows clarity into her mind, "I want you to come. You're my partner." Tenten switches the bathroom light on and shuts the door. She has no confidence to approach the mirror. My lifelong partner, her fingers struggle to lock the door. Her hands are rattled. Yesterday you carried the warmest smile for me. But today, even your eyes are cold.
.
.
Ame's weather is as predictable as her hopes in solving the case. The sun's appearance isn't promising so as her perseverance to making a dent in this investigation. The sky is moody and gray. The fog is thick. It is yet another gloomy day.
Tenten counts the bullet rounds of the revolver before locking it in place and carefully placing it into her holster. Behind her, she can hear him engaging with Lee. Loudly and clearly, Neji speaks with a resolute tone. It captures her ears easily. Tenten turns around, finding his back towards her as he hunches over Lee's disheveled table, outlining a series of tasks that he and she must complete for today. He hasn't consulted with her regarding these tasks before. And when did he have the time to think of such a detailed plan, Tenten does not know. It could have been from the night before when his words became small. It could have also been from their short ride here. From their short exchange of words, Tenten believed it could have been there but she isn't sure.
She hasn't had the time nor mental capacity all night to think of any way to confront the complexities of this case. Yet he is here with a concrete plan laid out before them. Has the wind caught ahold of me? Tenten brings her arms to her chest, crossing them as she slowly makes her way to his side. The moment she peaks into his peripherals, he offers a knowledgeable glance before continuing onwards. Her eyes peer down to the map laid out before the three of them. It doesn't need to be said aloud that Neji is putting distance between the two of them. It is not primarily because they are working although it is pro bono for him. This expanding gap between them feels more than that. Tenten questions the why's of how it happened. Her eyes never want to leave him. Her thoughts are on him constantly.
They never left him. He has become a distraction to her work, one that she desperately allowed. As much as Tenten wishes to keep her mind on the case, on his plan, and on his tasks, it does what it wants. Now, her eyes have traveled up his arm and settled on his perfectly chiseled face. Tenten keeps her eyes fixated on his own, watching for the slightest movement, watching his eyelashes flutter here and there. In her ears, she hears his soft voice speaking but makes no effort to understand them. One by one, the fears initially instilled by Lee just a few hours ago begins to be plucked one by one from her matters. Tenten's orbs fall to his moving lips. She can almost feel the breath of his words tickling her skin.
Why does it feel like today will be the last day for us?
Tenten wonders how Neji does it, how he can move on from one point to another without the irritating thoughts of her. Is it because of the uneasy rift between them this morning that he's straying a bit far from her? She doesn't know. But if it's not that, she wonders how his focus can remain fixed on her investigation. She wonders who he truly is that he is executing her job for her so well. The notion of his inexperience in this fieldwork mitigates away with the way he's plotting their tasks. And since when have they switched positions, her becoming engulfed in him and him focused on solving the case?
More importantly, why does it feel as if you're so far from me?
"Do you object to any of my plans?"
Neji has turned his full attention onto her, face facing her, and orbs returning a transparent gaze. Tenten blinks once followed by dozens more. She gulps, "No. It is fine with me."
"Then we should head out at once," Neji instructs. His gaze is gone, looking through her as he collects the map, "Lee, thank you once more for the meal."
"Don't thank me, thank auntie for waking up early to make sure we all had a hearty meal!" Lee exclaims. He grins across both cheeks and rubs his nose. "Do contact me if you both need help navigating through Ame. I'm always here. And if you need back-up," he winks, "I'll even drag Ame's mighty Maito Gai from the karaoke bar to help!"
"Thank you," Tenten turns away to head for the doors just as Neji returns the gratitude, "I'm grateful to meet you again," he replies to the officer. She furrows her brows and exits to the front of the doors. Those words seem out of place but she places no further thoughts on it.
Tenten opens the car door and buckles herself in. Seconds later, he has come and done the same. They both stare forward into the blocky village square as time ticks by. A resounding silence explodes, drowning her senses into overdrive. Even a sense of awkwardness creeps at Tenten's fingers. If they continue to act like this, as if they weren't just kissing a night ago, as if they hadn't caressed each other last night, held hands, walked, laughed, smiled, argued, and made up altogether, will this strangeness between them grow? She grips the wheel hard until her knuckles become white. She wonders if telling him of her uneasiness will chase the wind away.
"Well," Neji interrupts Tenten's wandering mind.
"Huh?" Tenten snaps her head to him and swallows dryly.
"We should get going before it's dark," Neji fumbles the map out and tucks it into the side of the door. "It's too early to start interrogating around. Let's head to the scene where the first victim was found and make our way up to the seventh." His eyes lay straight ahead with little attention paid to the doll eyes on him, "We should be done before noon, don't you think?"
The moment Neji begins to turn her way, Tenten averts her eyes and turns the engine on. She presses on the break and prepares for their investigation. "Yes, we will." His orbs stay on her person for the flying seconds before they return to the road. Those seconds worry her. Can he see what I'm going through? Tenten rubs her eyes with her hand as a frown begins to form on her face. She needs a better distraction to calm her trembling heart. "Do you know the way?"
He doesn't affirm with a 'yes' or a 'no', "Make a left."
.
.
Tenten slams the car door shut and paces towards the narrow asphalt road. "Are you sure you've never been to Ame before?" Tenten asks Neji as they stand in an isolated rice field just a few miles from the incident involving Uzumaki Naruto.
"I memorize things well," he replies.
Tenten keeps the same frown on her face. In the back of her mind, the neatly tucked map comes to her head. It puzzles her that he has only seen that map once but has memorized where every crime scene related to the case occurred in the village. He has even matched each victim to their respective places.
As the sound of his footsteps bounces back to her ears, she keeps her eyes on his back. Every movement that he makes worries her. And if he's moving away from her, it becomes even worse. For if he suddenly becomes thin air with the next step, if he becomes a figment of her imagination, who can she cry for? She grips the Ame case files tightly in her hand. Tenten follows after him with her toes at his heels. If he is to fly from her like a bird, she will trap him with her bind.
Neji hasn't spoken much except on the subject of the case. He speaks in one or two words when they stand over the areas of the incident. However, his eyes seem to speak a thousand words. Constantly, on-site and in the car, his eyes are fixated on the jagged mountains above their heads. He looks far beyond what she can see as if the summit is only exclusive to him, as if he can see beyond her capabilities Tenten can only watch him for the fifth time while the temperature gets colder as his eyes travel past the filmic scenery, past the obscurity that is the unforgiving weather, far up to the tip of the mountains' head. And after all the things she has experienced from him, Tenten believes it might just be true that it is one of his abilities.
"What are you thinking?" Tenten musters the courage to ask him.
Neji begs for more time, keeping his attention up to the mountains towering over them before they fall back down to earth. The rigidly sealed lips he adorns, Neji trades them for a softer pair as he returns a slightly transparent glance back to her. Weary of their distance, he steps in just once to ease her noticeable concern. "What do you think of this area?"
The question stumps Tenten, "You mean the mountains?"
"Yes," he replies. "Even if it isn't worth our investigation, I still feel we should go."
"Why?"
Neji hardens his gaze on her, scrutinizing through her faulty facade, "Because you're overwhelmed." Tenten stiffens, locking her spine into place, "Aren't you?"
He puts on a simper, one almost believable to her eyes if not for that comment. Tenten turns back around and heads for the car. "So you can read people now, too?"
"Only because you make it obvious," Neji almost reaches for her wrist but forbids himself from doing so. He calls to her instead, "Tenten, a steady walk might relax your mind." He receives no word from her. "Are you upset with me?" It is a question he already knows the answer to.
"I'm not upset," she insists, "I just don't know what to think right now."
"I don't blame you. It's my fault that you're in this si-"
Tenten spins around, tongue held and breath halted. She profusely shakes her head with a dispirited expression on her face, "Please don't say that." She guardedly approaches him, conscious of the increasing distance between the two of them.
"It is true," Neji's footsteps become smaller as she faces him. When her glistening orbs meet his', he comes to a halt.
"Neji," she hushes their negligible quarrel with his name. Tenten hardens her glare at him while her lips grow sour. The more she keeps her eyes locked onto him, the more her head becomes clouded. With him occupying every corner of her sight, her distraction only increases. Tenten lets out a tiresome sigh before pinching her temples and massaging them. She steps to the side and looks up to the vanishing point of the mountain silhouette. Tenten relinquishes her rigid shoulders and bows her chin closer to her chest. "I just— I'm afraid of your cold shoulder. Not the fact that you somehow miraculously healed from my bullet-wound overnight, if it was my bullet or not. It doesn't matter. It's not the cut on your lips disappearing as if it never happened. It's not all the things that make me doubt you as a human, a person to me. I don't care about any of that. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to know." Tenten musters every ounce of her courage to look at him, "I'm so cautious in case you disappear. When I turn around, I only think about you. What do I do if you leave me without a word? Even the smallest of the small things about you are huge to me. When you come closer to me, I can't even breathe. I'm afraid that this cold shoulder would manifest into something we can't recover from. You have been more than quiet all day, more than when we met and more than when you were sick. Why does it feel as if I'm the only one receptive to this sudden change?" Tenten bites her lower lip as she waits for anything from him. But even as a drowsy draft floats on by, she receives nothing. "If you were you, would I already be in your arms?"
[Neji, Shinobi]
Had it been as easy as she says, perhaps he would have never been in this situation. Neji keeps his eyes fixed on her. He stares blankly without a purpose, mind deep in a neverending "what-if" of the circumstances: if he was himself, he really wouldn't be here.
It is a losing battle, one that keeps Neji spinning at the apex of his heels. This recurring dream, realistic or not, it is too attractive to not want to pursue. If it just so happens that he is alive in his own coffin and there is a chance that he can escape, how can he not want to be cajoled by it? The longing image of his untouched desires for his comrade makes it a good enough point to end all cravings for this woman in this world. And yet, with time expanding as this person keeps close to him, Neji is continuously always on the verge of failing this needy want for her.
His mind has been made after that last dream last night. The net of all his moral structure that has been struck with every teaching of his clan, of every principle taught, learned, and screwed into his being, Neji has tried to rebuild them back into their places to keep from wanting her. All night last night, he has tried to undo his personal wrongs, trying to erase that phrase, that thought: the notion that under no eyes of his clansmen, he can finally do and act as he pleases. In doing so, Neji believes he can refrain from moving on impulse based on his desires especially on her. With only a few of them back in place, he has already felt less responsive to this person.
Undoing all of the things they've done will be impossible. Perhaps Neji will continue to remember the way it feels to have radiating warmth move onto his skin on a freezing night even after leaving this world of hers. Maybe he'll have trouble sleeping alone if he's given the luxury to wake to experience sleep. Their memories created here will be hard to release. That, Neji knows all too well.
The gritty recollection of Tenten's aspiration to solve this murder case, one with no definitive end, he wishes to do it for her. If by solving a problem of hers will lessen the weight on her shoulder, if doing so will hinder the pain he's causing her, he will see it to the end. But even as this hard exterior of his', this unbreachable stoic demeanor of his has begun for the well-being of them both, it has hurt her.
The aggravating divide beginning to form between them has been felt by her. There is no way to appease this person with a word or two, not even salvageable with a kiss or a hug. Neji does not want to do any of that because he knows himself too well. Again, doing so will only peel his cravings into the open air and he will begin to believe this is where he belongs: in her world. Neji parts his lips to confess, "I'm sorry-" before another syllable is heard, the sound of a pair of footsteps etches into their ears.
Without a second to waste, their heads spin to their car. Seeing as she is closer to the vehicle, Neji has approached past her side without hesitation. His shoulder shields her defensively as they both draw their attention to the hobbling old man making his way to their car. Neji narrows his eyes, unable to instinctively activate his nonexistent kekkei genkai. His jaw tightens as he scrutinizes the foreign man.
The old man fraily places his palm on the smooth exterior of the car and feels the dew forming on the surface. Neji advances towards him slowly as she follows closely behind. Their quibble ends. She has already placed her hand on her revolver. The feeling of being distant emotionally and mentally chases away with a possible threat in their vicinity. However, it all shatters with the old man's hearty laugh. Neji raises a brow as the image of the old man becomes clear.
"I haven't seen such a shape on a car before!" the old man, who is a foot shorter than Neji, raises his head up to meet his gaze, "is this car yours?"
The old man resembles that of the late third-Hokage. Neji's breath hitches as he did not expect to see someone who has long passed.
"Yes," Tenten's voice answers for him. She greets the old man.
Neji lets out a silent sigh, affirming that there is no foe here, "Yes," he answers the old man's question. "Who-"
"What are you doing out here, sir?" Tenten interrupts him, earning a quick glance from the latter.
"Sir?" the old man retorts, "everyone calls me Oldman Sarutobi. But since you both don't look like you are from here, you can only refer to me as Sarutobi."
Sarutobi, Hiruzen.
"I was out all morning at my farmhouse collecting old ceramics to repair. The trek sure tired me out until I saw your car! This curvy looking machine seems like it's been sitting here for a while," Sarutobi exclaims. "If this is what cars are shaped like, then Ame really needs to bring some in! I'm tired of seeing boxy flathead-" the old man rumbles on.
At the mention of Sarutobi collecting old ceramics, Neji made a note of the wooden slung tool box hanging on the old man's right shoulder. Indeed, the wares within the antique box are old, perhaps unsalvageable with its broken pieces.
"Are you our new detective?" Sarutobi asks Tenten.
"Mm," she replies. "And this-" Neji feels her fingers brush past his sleeve as she introduces him, "-is my profiler, Hyuuga Neji."
The old man squints up to Neji's eyes again before a dainty smile perches on his thinned and weathered' lips, "Hyuuga you say," he iterates. Sarutobi breaks eye contact and begins to nod, "'Pulopyer', I see," his voice trails off.
Neji hears her snicker. He disregards it all and keeps his scrutiny fully on Sarutobi. The old man wears a pair of tattered straw shoes (handmade perhaps), a pair of thin and wrinkly cotton pants dyed to a faded black, and a coat much too large for the scrawny man. It bothers him fairly that this is the late third Hokage's equivalent. Although poor, he is alive and well unlike the shinobi.
"-Ah we were revisiting the deaths that occurred here years ago, Sarutobi," Tenten's voice captures Neji's attention again.
Their meeting here is not a coincidence. After a formal introduction, the root of the old man's greetings is to receive a comforting ride back to his home, one that is much obliged. The ride isn't long, it merely is shortened down with the old man's scattered questions. They range from the focus on himself to the two younger few. And though Neji has done well to keep his mind at bay far from Tenten, the old man's inquiries seem to break it as easily as dropping a porcelain cup.
"I remember when I was in love," the old man begins, "you two aren't as good as us oldies are in hiding feelings, eh?" he chuckles. "We grew up together and worked the same jobs too!"
How fitting. Neji's heart is plunging as easily as rainfall at the mere mention. In the car on their way to drop the old man off, Neji reminisces alone. He finds it disappointing that he's already counting down the days until he'd leave this world. Like this, with the old man's mere mention, Neji keeps double-crossing the chances of him and his special person again and again. Their probability of encountering one another is anything but slim. It is not one in a million greeting between his comrade and himself. The old man is right: he and she have grown up together and even worked the same jobs. Despite all the odds, theirs of not meeting is even greater. It is why they were born in the same year. It is why they've gone and graduated together, became a team together, and thrived until his last breath. And how can the chances of meeting her equivalent in this world be a coincidence? Meeting her is not just a slim chance. If destiny truly exists, this is what it would be.
Neji is shunned from his internal thoughts with the sound of her savory laughter. His mind blanks and his eyes are on her unwillingly. His special person is sitting beside him; her familiar features are redeeming. The high mandarin collared white blouse she always wears is hanging from her body. Those fingerless gloves are upon her hands and she is— here, laughing like any other day. Her laugh envelopes him, muting all of his senses, worries, and constant anxieties. But just as a tear dares to fall, just as the heavens are about to open, just as a tender smile appears on his shaky lips, she is gone.
Returning the warm gaze is the woman whom he has falsely loved. As much as her presence receives him pleasantly, Neji cannot deny that the sight of her hurts him more than when he was breathing his last breath. To continuously be deceived, it kills his slow beating heart.
She gives him a bright smile, one filled with lingering nuances of their quibble a few miles back. He knows it then that she is in a lighter mood apart from him. Still, it gives him trouble to know that her demeanor has changed, treating him like how they first met. Ideally, this is what would be best for both of them. It would be easier to restrain himself this way because she's participating in reciprocation.
Yet, the lid has already been off. The pot is boiling over. His feelings for her are manifesting into a true entity of its own and it wishes not to be contained. Just an ounce of indication that he's hurt her in any way, he cannot ignore it. He hurts because she's hurt. He has done this to her. And in turn, it's gnawing at his former resolve. Neji chokes all of his built-up principles for the time being and reaches for her empty hand tapping on the wheel. At this moment, he feels like a bottle filled with alcohol. Drunk from head to toe, eyes blurry and limbs with a mind of its own, he keeps her hand held and even draws ununiformed circles on the top of her hand with his thumb. It feels good to hold her; he cannot refuse the feeling. She is killing him from the inside out.
"Do you love her?"
"I can't say that I don't," Neji replies breathily. It hasn't clicked that he has no idea where that question came from or if it was real. But even if it wasn't, it matters little to him. Judging by Tenten's response of her looking past her shoulder to the old man sitting in the back, Neji believes the odd question must have been real. It is only then that he feels her willingly give in to his hand. And at that moment, there is only warmth radiating through his fingers.
Eventually, the feelings will become muddled again; Neji can already sense the impending storm. However, he can only wait for it to come.
.
.
"Please, I invite you to my humble home," the old man insists, "let me thank you for the ride. I've got a swell plate of marinated herring for soba! It's almost lunchtime anyways!"
Tenten asks him if he'll abide with a firm look of her eyes. Reaffirming with a simple nod, Neji opens the door and lands his feet onto the pebbled ground. He slams the door closed and waits for her to be at his side before they both walk after the old man. He does not offer a hand nor does she ask for one. Ah, the awkwardness is still here. The strangeness has never left.
"Come, come!" the old man beckons. "Don't mind the shards, I'm working on them!"
The short path ends with a familiar Minka house welcoming them in. It sits at the base of the entrance to the mountain path. It is also not far from the village. Just one more bend of the road and the low structures of the village will greet them. Neji notes the pieces of ceramics as they make it to the Minka's veranda. Many lay defectively stacked one upon another.
Events become incoherent as soon as the old man invites them into his kitchen. With Tenten demanding to help make soba, Neji follows alongside. He expects this experience to be chaotic as with all new experiences involving his former team. However, it is quite the contrary.
The old man trades his inflexible attitude instantly in the comfort of his warmly lit home. The kitchen bouts of quiet banter between her and the old man. Somehow, they've acquired a tiny voice in a tiny room. The atmosphere shrinks and no one cares for precious time ticking away. Even though the sliding doors at the front of the house are open and letting the cold air into the kitchen, it seems as if the warmness in this room is undeterred.
Neji finds himself stealing glances of a muddled version of his special person. She is learning how to cut buckwheat dough into thin enough noodles at an extremely slow pace. It is as if he is the viewer falling in love with a character through the screen. And in doing so, he captures the yellow glow of the harsh light on the ceiling sparkling onto her cherry cheeks, onto her unkempt fringes, and onto everything of her belongings. Neji can't deny the joy it brings to his throbbing heart of her person impassioned in something other than weaponry. He cannot deny that he loves her so despite never uttering a word of that magnitude in the entirety of his life. Blurred specks enter his vision. Before Neji knows it, she is smearing buckwheat flour on his cheeks. He chuckles.
The genius knowingly deceives himself.
"My best bowls are up there, Pulopyer," Sarutobi points to one of his cabinet to which Neji's eyes gradually follow. "You can't miss them. They're a beauty. Please bring them down, I'm about to cook the noodles— don't open the lid, Detective!" the old man scolds Tenten. His raised voice spins Neji's attention to her: she is meddling with the fish broth.
Bowls, it is all that is running in his mind. Neji takes two steps towards the cabinet and opens it. Indeed, there is a set of bowls of similar size placed atop one of another. Already, he can see why his eyes cannot miss them: they are broken bowls that have been mended with gold. Neji acquires the items and inspects the oddity that is the intricacy of the shining gold. It is as if these bowls will last longer than before.
"I was right, wasn't I?" the old man expands his voice to him.
Neji looks up from his fixed gaze at the bowls and to the old man, "Yeah."
"I've worked hard on those bowls, take a look Detective. They're my life's work!"
Tenten turns around, closing the space between them. Her eyes fall down to the pieces in Neji's hand. Together, they both study closely, letting their orbs follow the flow of the yellow line moving like a waterfall up the bowl. "It's pretty," she says, "like you."
Neji almost did not catch her last two whispered words. His eyes flicker to match hers. They waver and she breaks away. Her cheerful facade cannot fool him for her eyes says it all: she is still holding tightly onto the emotions expelled by the side of the road.
"Sarutobi, sir, are the bowls actually bound by gold?" her question flows between her movement from him onto the old man.
"Yes, Detective," the old man stirs the noodles and scoop them up, "bowl please, Pulopyer." Neji finds her question a useful distraction. He too wonders about her curiosity. He steps forward and hands the old man a bowl.
"Isn't it a waste to use gold to mend cheap bowls?" she adds.
The old man grins widely, so much that even his eyes crinkle into smiles, "What does it matter? If the bowl is precious, then I'll have to bring it back to life! I've put hard work into making these bowls. I've got to save them for generations to come." The old man pinches the last of the noodles into the last bowl, "Besides, it's just gold dust mixed with lacquer. Nothing too difficult to find in these mountains."
Eating solely in automation with no clear motivation and with head spacing high above the clouds, Neji stares at the bowl in his hands in contemplation. A part of him cannot seem to let go of the memory of the bullet exploding into a thousand gold strings as it strikes his body in that coffin. Neji replays it constantly.
Unweary to him, his quiet nature has piqued her wavering gaze. The mild smile on her lips disappears much to his ignorance.
Surrounded in his thoughts, he isn't aware of time rolling by. Even after eating, the taste of his favorite meal doesn't last on his tongue. He feels emptier than before, more lost than before. Pondering the double meaning of him and this seemingly renewed bowl, it gives him no resolve. It befuddles his mind further. Yes, life can be complicated. My answer is clearly laid out before me. And yet, I can't grasp how it is possible.
"Hey," her one word pulls him from the depths of his discombobulated mind.
Neji raises his eyelids, realizing he has been staring at the pebbled pathway for quite some time. He doesn't remember moving to sit on the veranda at all. All the while, the soft white light cushioned by the fog surrounds them in a close diameter. He turns her way, finding her sitting within proximity from him. She is not too close nor too far. Yet, it tells clearly of their straining relationship. Her eyes are set on the old man working around his cluttered yard but he knows her goals are far beyond what they see. Although Neji doesn't reveal it, he is thankful for her being beside him.
"Hm," she hums, "should we go to the mountains? Even if it's not worth our investigation? You look overwhelmed."
Neji tilts his head and teases a frown. She's reiterated what he previously said. Smirk forms from that faulty smile, "It would do us both good."
"Then let's go."
Farewell to the old man. Walking alongside one another, what's missing is their hands linking together. She treads a pitiful length beside him as they begin their trek up the mountain pathway.
.
.
Maybe the scenery could have been beautiful if not for the fog. Neji can only see so far in front of him as their path inclines. The higher they walk, the more difficult it is to see. It dawns on him that he will lose sight of her if they stroll any farther. Still, he cannot find the courage to feel for her through the dense fog.
Overbearingly, the increasing visual impairment pushes beyond his anxiety. As far as they've come, he cannot believe she hasn't said a thing. Their footfalls on this unknown path covered in white fog make him restless. All at once, he breaks this built-up tension. Deviating from the path in front of them, Neji stretches his arm out to empty space. His fingers frantically search for her. When his hand grabs a hold of her shoulder, he can hear a gasp. In one heartbeat, he pulls her close yet not enough to embrace. His hands rest firmly on both her shoulders; her face is stricken with a shocked countenance. Immediately, warmth transfers onto his fingertips. It makes him want to hold her forever. He hates and loves this warm feeling whenever they make contact.
Squeezing her round shoulders, Neji sighs. In slow motion, he closes his eyes and lowers his head down with overwhelming doubt until it taps hers. The tips of their noses brush against one another briefly. It plucks his heartstrings but he ignores it wholly, "I'm sorry for making you worry," he apologizes gravelly.
She doesn't respond immediately and instead lets him melt his frozen words. As it thaws, she tilts her chin up. Her eyes open halfway and her heart beats slowly. She can feel a tremor from him. "Does it hurt to hold me? You don't have to if you're in pain. I'm learning to understand you, I know it hurts."
"It will hurt if you understand all of me," he whispers. "Don't move." One by one, his muscles fire. He wraps his arms around her shoulders and melds their conscience into one.
The cold air around them dissipates away instantly. Neji lets out a sigh of relief, feeling her wilfully rest her head on his chest. Still, she has not returned the embrace.
"You said you don't want to hear it. All the things that confuse you about me, if I explain, the answer will be clear."
"It's this cold-shoulder you keep giving me," she mutters into his coat. Tenten recognizes that his thoughts have put the person he'd fallen in love with long ago before herself. At that, it doesn't hurt her much because he told her before that he is inclined to love her. To where this strangeness erupted from, Tenten doesn't know. "I don't really know where this instability between us came from. If it is 'her', how can it be? You said she led you to me. You told me everything that happened was meant for me. And then you begin to part as if we've become strangers overnight." She stands still, unmoved by his impassioned embrace, "Maybe it's my fault for returning your feelings."
Neji winces. He opens his eyes to see shadows of towering trees watching over them. He takes in a deep breath, freezing his core altogether, "It's not your fault. It was always mine." He can already sense her fingers battling to pry herself from him. And though it is a mental notion that she might be thinking of separating them, he refuses to release her. "It is apparent that I am not from here. Much of this you know through and through. But, there are still many things I haven't told you, many things you don't want to know. I can only say that I'm sorry for keeping myself attached to you. And I blame myself because I can't help it. Sometimes," the appearance of his special person comes to mind, "I close my eyes and hope that when I open them I'll be back home and all of this will be just a bad dream. But when I see you, I don't want to return. I'm scared I'll never see you again."
"Let me ask just one question," Tenten murmurs in a whisper. She greatly fears the impending consequence regarding yesterday night's revelation of his disappearing self, "just one." Refreshing that daunting memory in and out, it keeps her quiet for a few seconds before she utters her question, "Are you going to leave me one day?"
How can he give an answer knowing it will hurt her even further? Neji feels heavy pressure at his throat. He swallows hard and is unable to speak.
At once, his fear of her separating them comes true. Except that he is wrong. Her hands which have rested at her sides have risen. He believes she'll push from him. On the contrary, she wraps her arms around his waist. Her head lifts from his chest, wishing for him to meet her eyes. He does with a long-suffering expression.
"My greatest fear is that you will leave and not return," she expresses. "I didn't think about it much when you told me you'll love me with all the time you have— here, after our first kiss. But when you were fading into thin air right before my eyes, I didn't know what to do but to reach for you. I realized it then that your time might be coming soon. And I— I know all too well that you're not from here, Neji. I suspected you from the very moment you smashed into my car. Just one look at you, I already knew someone of your appearance wouldn't acceptably exist here. But it doesn't matter to me. When I look at you, I feel that you and I were destined to meet. You confirmed it yourself that destiny brought you to me. If it is hard for you to be affectionate with me because of 'her', I'd understand."
"Tenten," Neji tries and fails to hush her free-flowing thoughts.
She rests her head back onto his chest and keeps her eyelids lowly opened, "When you sleep, you must've gone home," Tenten sighs and her lips quiver, "you speak in your dreams, when you're 'home' and when you're with 'her' I'm sure. There are many things you haven't told me but I don't want to know. And because you won't answer my question, it must be true. Someday, you'll be far away. Even then, I'll wait for you. I'll be standing here for a long time. Don't hesitate to find me here. My home is here where you are. Just like you, Neji, I can't say that I don't love you."
Neji grimaces. His heart is rampaging with every thought of all those nights that he had dreamed of his special person. At every moment, she has seen and heard everything. And yet, her lips sealed itself because of him, because he did everything in his power to chase for her love. She should have condemned him right now. And yet, she has chosen the path containing him in the end. If he refuses to accept her resolve, would she hurt even more? Neji perceives that they'd be walking in a circle if he's to reject her concrete feelings. "Tenten," he challenges her, "we won't be happy in the end. If not for my persistence-"
"Maybe it's not our fault. Even if it leaves a big cut in our relationship, it's not our fault," she keeps him molded to her at will. Her brows knit and she refuses to let him go, "We already know the ending, isn't it a good enough reason for us to hold hands and continue making eye contact? That way we won't lose each other. Even if it causes us pain, it will let us grow bigger."
Perhaps he is no genius in foresight. Neji breaks their bodies until all that's left is the width of the path between them. She said she'd understand my parting and lack of affection. She said she understood it all too well. Neji stares into her dark orbs that seem to be filled with conviction, "Although it's comforting that you have loved me, given me, and thought of me, as long as you do not blame me, I will have no regrets."
Tenten shakes her head whilst donning a smile on her lips, "I'll be with you until it is time. And until then, I'll protect you when a sad night comes. I will never blame you."
"The way back home is too far," Neji huskily speaks. "If I can never return, I'll come to you. If not at your place, I'll find you. My feet are settled wherever you are."
"It is no promise," she replies.
"No promises."
Her feet take one step higher up the sloped path. She turns a shoulder to invite him to walk with her, "Then you'll definitely come." She stretches out her hand to him, "Come on, we've still a long way to go."
Neji takes her hand without a second to lose. A simper plants itself at his lips. A portion of his anxiety is left somewhere on this mountain. "Why continue on trekking?" he asks her.
"It bugged me when all that you kept doing all morning was staring up at this mountain. Why do you do it?"
Neji glances at her sharply. He thinks back to a pesky feeling nibbling at his spine when they were at ground level. At her mention, he recalls why it is so, "I felt eyes staring down at us all day today. It is just a feeling," one that has been honed since his genin days. Neji's eyes widen and he instinctively grasps Tenten's hand tighter than before. An instinctive feeling since the genin days? Why is it showing up now?
"I see," she replies. Tenten then grins, "Might just be a massive bear, huh? Don't worry, I'm a very good shooter."
Her lighthearted jest strips his mind from the odd feeling. Neji snickers, "I don't doubt it."
.
.
Fingers entwined, he holds her hand in joy. Through the cloudy veil, all that he can see are faint lines of shrubbery within his radius. Neji can see where his feet lay but at the same time he cannot. There is a fear propelled by the never-ending haze surrounding him. He cannot see what is ahead, what gorge or boulder will greet them by the corner. He is blind though he is not. For no known reason, his heart vibrates. His senses dial up a thousand times.
His slippery hold of her hand now holds nothing. She asks him a muffled question from a mountain away but she is standing right beside him. Neji catches her within his sight but she has infused herself with the fog. She is nothing but a blur with dark eyes and a moving mouth. Interchanging between clarity and contortion, she fades in and out of his vision. Neji shifts his attention from her to a force he cannot see. His eyes dance left and right, up and down, anywhere and everywhere to the sky and the trees' foliage in search of those pair of eyes. All the while, a current of his familiarity electrifies throughout his limbs. It climbs from the soles of his feet and lights goosebumps throughout to the roots of the hairs on his head. Amidst his scrutiny, his perception dims from the forest's dull colors to true black and white. With it, Neji remembers this specialty well. Whatever this mountain beholds, it is unlocking his kekkei genkai.
At the same time, the feeling twists his stomach bitterly. It keeps his breaths short and on the brink of collapse. Neji has never been this close to both worlds until now. The curiosity draws him to move each foot upwards. To where they will lead him, he does not know.
A cold hand wraps around his wrist but it does not shake him from this trance; it doesn't dispel the invisible power surging from within him either. Neji looks down at its owner with visions of flat colors. "Tenten," he expels from a second thought. Weary that his experience hasn't dispersed into the void, Neji blinks with a cold expression. She no longer holds the power to keep him into her world with her touch.