Before Everything
Chapter 13
The therapy appointment was a fiasco. Hannah all but refused to talk to Doctor Smith. Mike was discouraged but Doctor Smith suggested making another appointment the next week. He did it but was beginning to wonder if therapy and spending time with Hannah was a futile effort. All the way home, Hannah sat in the back seat with her arms crossed over chest and a pout on her face. About a block before their house, Mike tried to draw her out of it.
"Hey, I saw in the paper that a new restaurant was opening today. Do you want to try it? We aren't home yet." Mike asked.
"No!" Hannah said.
"Alright, back to Mommy then." Mike said.
"Good. She's gonna be so mad at you for making me talk to that lady!" Hannah said. Mike thought about correcting her, but decided against it. She didn't need to see Christine as a villain. The little girl needed to think she had at least one advocate in her mother. Christine was in complete agreement about therapy, but Hannah didn't need to know that.
"I'm only trying to help you, sweetie. It helped me to talk to her." Mike said.
"That's cause you want rid of Lucas! I don't." Hannah said.
"No, sweetheart. I miss your brother every second of every day, but I have to be able to function. I want that for you too. And what's more, Lucas would want this for us too. He would hate to see you suffering like this." Mike said as he pulled into the driveway. Hannah had sculled back up, and Christine appeared on the porch. Mike gave her a look and she nodded. She walked out to Mike's truck and got Hannah out.
"Mike; I'll take her on upstairs. I think she needs a cool down. Mason was asleep in his bassinet, if you can keep an eye on him. Katie's with him." Christine said as she walked up the sidewalk to the house. She was holding her hand and had only given Mike a nod in greeting.
"Yes, ma'am." Mike said in agreement. The truth was, he needed a bit of distance from Hannah too. Katie and Mason would be the perfect cure. They didn't hate and resent him. Mason was too little to understand anything about the world he had entered. He only understood that Christine provided him food, and Mike took care of his dirty diapers. Katie was not so innocent, but she was sweet enough that she couldn't resent or hate anyone.
Christine helped Hannah out of her nicer clothes and into play clothes. She could tell the little girl was seething in anger and Mike was hurting. She just didn't know what to do about it.
"Hannah, I know you are upset with your dad about going to talk to the doctor, but it wasn't completely his decision. I agreed. Don't blame him. Everything he is doing; he is doing because he loves you. We know that Lucas dying really hurts, because it hurts us too. We are all just trying to get to where it doesn't hurt so much to talk about him. Lucas wouldn't want this." Christine said.
"That's what Daddy says too." Hannah said as she sat down on her bed. Christine sat down beside her and picked up a stuffed teddy bear.
"Then you should believe it. We all love and miss Lucas. That will never go away. Your dad and I have both lost a sibling. We know how much it hurts, but we also know for you, its amplified. I know it seems like Daddy doesn't care about you, but do you think if he didn't; he'd be wanting to spend time with you and take you to that doctor? I don't think so. He would be ignoring you and mean to you." Christine lectured.
"That lady wanted me to talk about Lucas. It hurts." Hannah said.
"Does it hurt to talk about how much fun you guys had together?" Christine asked.
"No." Hannah admitted.
"Well, your dad texted me before you all left, and he's set up another appointment next week. I suggest that you tell the doctor that you really want to tell her about all the things you and Lucas did." Christine instructed.
"But she'll make me talk about him dying!" Hannah objected.
"Maybe eventually but for now, just tell her about Lucas. I think you need to talk to her about Lucas dying and Daddy, but you don't have to immediately. I'll call her myself." Christine said.
"Okay." Hannah agreed.
"Now; I would really like to see you downstairs and give your dad a hug. He is only trying to help to, and he is going to Doctor Smith too." Christine said as she stood up. She took Hannah's hand in her own and stood her up.
"He is?" Hannah asked.
"Yes, ma'am. There will be times that he and you will talk to Doctor Smith together, and sometimes Daddy and I will talk to her. Katie might have to too. For now, though; I think you need to become friends with Doctor Smith, and I think you'll do that better by not talking about all the bad stuff. Start with the good stuff." Christine explained. Part of Mike's issue was that he was having trouble relating to Hannah's maturity level. Hannah didn't always understand when Mike tried to talk to her, so she become frustrated.
"That wouldn't be so bad. Can we have a cuddle night? You, me, Katie and Daddy?" Hannah asked.
"Of course, but we have Mason now too. He'll want to cuddle." Christine said. They were walking down the stairs and Christine smiled down at Hannah. She could feel her tense up.
"He's just a baby that sleeps all the time. You and Daddy don't ever have time for us." Hannah fussed and tried to go back up the stairs. The house was open enough that Mike heard. He stood up to correct it, but Christine made eye contact with him and shook her head.
"When he sleeps, we'll leave him in his baby bed. Babies that age sleep all the time. They sleep so they can grow big and strong. Once he gets older, he'll be more fun." Christine told her.
"Okay." Hannah said simply. They continued their trek down the steps and were finally able to settle on the couch. Hannah set away from Mike. She was clearly still angry at him and both Mike and Christine were at a loss to deal with her anxieties. There had to be a breaking point some time.