Chapter 15

Natasha slowly blinked her eyes open. God, she was tired. Why...

Oh God.

Her eyelids flew open when she remembered what had happened. She looked at the spot next to her that was...empty. She brushed her hand over the sheets and they were still a little bit warm. So Steve hadn't been gone that long.

She'd had sex with Steve. Really great sex. She shook her head. That was not what this was about.

She sat up in bed and ran a hand through her tousled hair.

She'd slept with Steve.

The father of her child.

Oh God, what had she been thinking?!

She got out of bed, feeling a little bit sore, and put on her pajama before she slipped into her slippers. It was time to wake up James. She didn't bother with the robe since Steve had already seen her naked within the last few hours.

Where was Steve? His clothes were gone. Had he gone back to his room? It was probably for the best, but she still felt...cheap. Like she had been just a shabby one night stand.

She opened the door and heard voices coming from James's room down the hall.

"Where is mama?"

"She's still sleeping."

"Why?"

"I guess she's still tired."

Did Natasha imagine things or did Steve sound smug?

"Mommy still sad?"

"I don't know. She'll always miss your uncle Clint. They were best friends."

"Like Uncle Bucky and me?"

"Yes, like you and Buck."

"I don't wanna mama be sad."

She took that as her cue to walk into James's room to let her son see that she was feeling better. She didn't want him to worry about her.

"Morning, baby." She pushed the door wider open and saw that Steve was wearing yesterday's clothes. Had he gone from her room straight to James's? Had he only left to take care of their son and not...Natasha didn't even know where she was going with this.

"Morning, mama!" James beamed brightly and ran over to her. She picked him up to hug him against her body.

"Hey." Steve smiled softly. "I heard him that's why..."

She nodded to tell him that she knew what he was implying. Of course, she'd woken up alone because he'd gotten up to check on their son. "Good morning, Steve."

"I can get James ready while you take a shower?"

"Thank you, that would be great." She was a bit sticky between her legs. "Be good to your dad." She kissed James's forehead before she left the room.

She only took a quick shower and changed into warm clothes. She hoped that they could do the dog sledding today. That would take her mind of having spent the night with the father of her child.

She made breakfast while James was watching so Steve could get ready for the day. James made a face when he realized that she'd made oatmeal, but they couldn't have pancakes every morning. She did make a smiley face out of almonds and fruits which delighted James. She had tricked James into eating healthy food by cutting it into funny shapes or putting smiley faces onto it more than she could count. She really hoped that he wouldn't see through that any time soon.

Steve came into the kitchen and kissed James's head before he sat down at the table. He thanked her for breakfast and she looked away when he caught her staring at him. If she didn't know any better, she would think that last night hadn't happened. But she had the love bites on her body to proof it. But then again, did she want Steve to act differently? She didn't want James to pick up on anything. She knew that her baby was wondering why his parents weren't together like other parents and she didn't want to get his hopes up. She hadn't missed yesterday how he'd watched parents who kissed with a little pout.

The Bartons face-timed after breakfast and they looked really happy. It had been the right decision for them to fly to Florida. Natasha wasn't sure if she should tell Laura about what had happened.

James was playing in the living room while she was absently reading a magazine on the sofa. Steve came into the room and sat next down to her.

"I booked us a tour with the dog sled company for this afternoon." He whispered to her. "And James can come with us. He can sit with one of us in the sled while the other one guides the dogs."

"Thank you." She paused for a second. "Look, we should probably talk..."

"We don't have to. I don't expect anything, Nat." He murmured so James wouldn't hear. "I don't regret last night. It was perfect. I wait as long as I have to. I know that you're not there yet. Last night doesn't have to mean anything if you don't want it to."

He was giving her an out and she didn't know why, but it rubbed her the wrong way. "I haven't been with a man since... well,you. Of course, it meant something to me."

She was realizing it as she was saying it. Having a private life, let alone a sex life, as a single mother with a young child was nearly impossible. She had a very special child and she couldn't let any stranger into their lives and she couldn't sleep with one of her friends. And the pregnancy had changed her body. Her hips were wider, her breast not that firm anymore, and she had stretch marks. She didn't mind the changes, but someone else seeing them made her still vulnerable. But Steve had made her feel good and desired. He'd worshiped every inch of her body last night.

Steve's gaze turned softly. "It meant something to me, too. Of course, it did. You're the only woman I've ever slept with."

"What?" She squeaked and James looked over to them before he focused back on his Avengers toys. "Not even with-"

"Peggy? No."

Woah. That was...wait, he had been a virgin when they had started sleeping together? Sure, he had been a bit shy, but she'd thought that it just been some time for him.

She didn't know what to think. Did that change anything? Did that make her special? Was it true what he was saying about his feelings?

"Mama, uncle Sam's head fell off!"

She looked over to James who had a headless Falcon action figure in his hand.

"Let's see if we can stick it back on, buddy." Steve gave her knee a squeeze before he got up to help James.

Natasha watched them, trying to get Sam's head back on (Bucky would have a field day with this), and warmth blossomed in her chest. She smiled, seeing them sitting next to each other. They looked so alike, it was almost creepy.

Steve looked over to her and the warmth in her body changed to heat. He smiled and she returned it. Something had changed. She didn't know what, but they were different now.

The dog sledding had been incredible. The three of them had so much fun and she knew that this was something that James would remember for a long time. He hadn't been scared at all and laughed the whole time while the dogs raced through the forest. He was probably going to be an adrenaline junkie like his parents. That wasn't really something that she was looking forward to.

James had been exhausted after the trip, almost falling with his face into his dinner, and Steve carried him to his room. Natasha was sure that James would be out until the next day. God, tomorrow was already Christmas Eve.

"He didn't even stir when I changed his clothes." Steve chuckled when he came back. "But I'm glad that he loved it."

"Yeah."

"And you looked pretty happy, too." He grinned at her and she cursed her body for reacting to it. "Very cute with those pink cheeks of excitement."

She struck her tongue out like the grown woman she was.

"I'm not mocking you, Nat. You were beautiful. You could never be anything but be beautiful to me." She smiled shyly and Steve looked like he'd won the lottery. "Are you tired or do you wanna watch a movie? We could watch Home alone like we used to every Christmas?"

"Yes, sure." She nodded and was rewarded with a happy grin.

They watched the movie, sharing a bowl of homemade popcorn, and Natasha said goodnight after the movie. She wasn't really tired yet, but the atmosphere charged with sexual tension was too much for her.

She was lying in bed, staring at the bedroom ceiling. She couldn't stop thinking about last night. She had finally felt like a woman again. She couldn't deny how good and right it had felt to sleep with Steve. And she couldn't deny that she wanted to do it again.

She made a decision and got out of bed. She checked on James who was still dead to the world before she walked to Steve's room. She opened the door without knocking.

Steve looked up from his book and put it on the bedside table. He was shirtless and her gaze dropped to his chest. Jesus Christ.

The look in his eyes told her that he knew why she was here. And that he wanted it too.

She pushed her pajama pants down. "What are we doing?"

"Whatever you want, sweetheart."

She unbuttoned her pajama top and shrugged out of it, letting it fall to the ground. She was only standing in her underwear in front of him.

"God, you're so beautiful. Come here, Tasha." His eyes were dark with desire.

She got onto the bed to crawl over to him, her ache for him almost unbearable, and he crashed their lips together, pulling her into his lap.

They had lazy morning sex before she got up to take a shower and to wake up James. She didn't know what she and Steve were doing and maybe they were making a terrible mistake, but it honestly felt too fucking good to be one.

"It's Christmas, mama!"

"It's Christmas Eve, baby."

James made a face. "No presents today?"

"Ha, no. Sorry, Santa wasn't here yet."

She walked down the stairs and put James into his high chair where Steve was already preparing breakfast for them. They shared a secret smile over James's head and Natasha bit her lip when she thought about last night and this morning. Maybe this was the perfect arrangement. They were friends again, parenting James, and they were getting laid. Honestly, it sounded damn perfect. She'd missed sex and she knew that she had lucked out with Steve. He was a very attentive lover and put her pleasure over his own. And she liked the fact that she was the only one he'd ever slept with.

Natasha decided after breakfast that it was time to write all their friends postcards and James helped her by drawing something on them. Steve watched them with gentle smile on his face, answering James's questions about being Capn America.

They drove for lunch into town and then put James down for a nap because they wanted to hike through the Winter Wonderland that surrounded them.

Steve was in the hallway when she came out of James's room. "I think we can wake him in an hour."

"Okay. We should take sandwiches and hot beverages with us on our hike."

She nodded. It was a good idea and James would get hungry if they were out for some time. She liked it a lot that Steve was already so in tunes with James's needs.

"Come here." Steve grabbed her arm gently and pulled her against his chest. "I know Christmas is hard for you. It is for me, too. I miss Clint. And Tony. And my mom."

Maybe she shouldn't, but she hugged him tightly. She didn't get a lot of hugs by someone who was bigger than her. James's hugs were great, but this was also nice.

"And Peggy?" She looked up at him.

He smiled down at her. "Yes, and Peggy. But not because of what you think. She's...She's not you, Nat."

She hid her face in his soft sweater. "Steve?"

He kissed her head. "Yes"

"Do you..." She never talked with anyone about that before. "Do you think Clint knew that I was pregnant? Did he take my place because he knew? To save my baby?"

Tears were spilling out of her eyes before she could really do anything about it. That thought had crossed her mind more than she could count. Had he sacrificed himself to give James a chance?

"Oh, sweetheart." He pulled a little bit away to brush her tears with his thumbs away. "I don't have an answer to that."

"I was already five weeks pregnant by then. Maybe he saw it? That pregnancy glow? He always saw everything. I'm sure he figured out that you and I were sleeping together when we all stayed at the compound together to plan the time heist."

"I don't know, sweetheart. But if anyone would have noticed it, then it would have been him." He cupped her face in his hands and she knew that it was way more intimate than it should be between them, but she didn't care. "I wish I could get him back for you. I wish Tony was still here. I...I messed up. I should have gone with you to Vormir so that Clint would be still here with you."

"No!" The thought of Steve being dead was...It knocked the air out of her lungs. It was too painful. "No!" She grabbed his sweater to crash their lips together. Thinking about him gone forever was...It was so much worse than him going back in time.

"No." She whispered between kisses. "You can't die. I need you. We need you."

"I'm sorry, Tasha." He kissed her again. "I'll be always with you. You two are everything. I'm here. I'll never leave you."

She nodded into the kiss. She was still crying, she had no idea why, but she couldn't stop. Kissing Steve was the only thing that made sense right now. To feel that he was alive and here. She had enough of his stupid heroic behavior. He was a father now. He was her...her...her Steve. He couldn't do that heroic shit anymore.

They paused to take a breath and Natasha saw that Steve was crying as well. She cupped his face to brush his tears way. "It's okay, baby." She heard Steve's breath hitch. "We are all together now. We're still alive and we're together. We have a beautiful boy. We're the lucky ones."

She took his hand and led him to her bedroom. They still had time until they had to wake up James. And they both needed this now. She pushed Steve onto her bed before she climbed on top of him to straddle him.

"Mama, your cheeks so red!" James observed while the three of them prepared their picnic.

"I put too much make up on." Natasha lied. She couldn't tell her two year old the real reason. Whatever had happened between outside of James's room had led to very passionate and intense sex. And then to more sex. She was honestly thinking that they were going to break some record. Thank God, they were both enhanced or there wouldn't be any hike today. But afterwards they had been tangled up together, her head on his chest and he'd run his hand through her long hair. They hadn't talked, they had just been lying in bed together, and it had been almost better than the mind blowing sex.

"You don't need any make up." Steve grinned at her, very aware why her cheeks were so rosy. "You're very beautiful, isn't she, James."

"Mama pretty!" He agreed.

"Thank you." She laughed and ruffled her son's hair.

She made sure that James was perfectly clothed for the cold and kissed his cute little cheeks after she put a warm hat on his head. Once they were all ready, they chose the route that would go up a hill so they would hopefully be able to look over the area. The trail was three miles, but she or Steve could carry James when he got tired.

Steve shouldered the rucksack with their picnic and she reminded James to go to the toilet again before they left the house.

James asked all kinds of questions about the trees and animals and both his parents tried to answer them as good as possible. They swung him between him and he giggled happily. They crossed paths with other hikers, but no one paid much attention to them. They were just another family.

The view from the hill was perfect and they could see the Christmas lights from all the little towns in the area. James was sitting in her lap and they had their picnic on a bench, enjoying the view and each other's company. Natasha had noticed more than once that James was happy that he had his parents all to himself and both of them around him 24/7.

Her baby got tired and leaned his head against her chest, dozing off. She smiled down at him before she looked over to Steve. He always looked at her and James with a fond smile on his face. She believed him when he said that their little family meant everything to him.

His hand reached over the bench to hers and he wrapped his big one around her small hand. "Okay?"

She only nodded and intertwined their fingers. His hand was so warm and...it was nice to be touched by him. James mumbled something in his sleep and snuggled closer to her. She shared a smile with Steve and they sat next to each other in a comfortable silence, holding hands.

James woke up on their way back to the house, safely wrapped in his father's arms. "Mama, I'm hungry."

"Me, too, baby. We're almost at the house."

"Okidoki." He wrapped his arms around his father's neck. "I luv you, daddy."

Steve stopped in his tracks. She was sure that this was the first time James had said it to him. "I love you, too. So much, James." His eyes were glistening and she saw that his hold on James tightened.

James kissed his father's cheek and Natasha felt all warm and fussy. She was glad that she had been able to witness this. Steve looked over to her and she smiled brightly at him.

Natasha and Steve decided that James could have one present tonight and one of them would sneak to the living room during the night to put the other presents underneath the Christmas tree.

She put on music before they all sat down next to the Christmas tree and handed James a present. "This is from me and your dad. You can open it now. And maybe tomorrow morning Santa will have brought you more."

He ripped off the wrapping paper and Natasha wondered why she had put any effort in wrapping it. James squealed when he saw that he gotten a new Paw Patrol toy, but she was surprised that he didn't play with it immediately.

"Can we give mama her present?" He asked Steve.

"Don't you wanna wait?"

"No!"

"Okay." Steve laughed, standing up. "I'll get it."

He left the room and Natasha gave James a questioning look. "What did you get me, baby?"

"It's a suprise!" He gave her a baby tooth grin.

Steve came back with a big and flat present. If she had to guess, she would say that it was a frame. "This is from me and James. We hope you like it."

"Open, mama! Open!"

"Okay, baby!" She chuckled and unwrapped her present. She was right. It was a frame. It appeared to be a framed painting. She gasped, when she took a closer look. "Oh my God!"

"You like? Daddy made lines and I color!" James explained proudly.

The painting was of her as a ballerina. The picture was so detailed and it was...perfect. "Thank you." She kissed James's forehead before she pressed a kiss to the corner of Steve's mouth. "It's beautiful."

"Like you, mama." James quipped. "Daddy said you're a ballerina!"

"I made the sketch and then James helped me color it. He was very focused. He almost never drew over the lines."

"It's perfect. Thank you." She breathed out. She was gonna hang it in the living room. "I love it."

"Mama, dance!" James gave her puppy eyes. "Dance, please?"

"Do you wanna dance with me, baby?" She laughed and stood up, offering James her hand. "Come on."

She held his hands and they danced to the Christmas music. James laughed happily and she saw that Steve was filming them with his phone.

"Dance, daddy!" James squealed. "Dance with us!"

"Okay, okay." Steve put his phone down and came over to them. "Thankfully your mama taught me."

"You did?" James asked her with big eyes. "Is daddy a ballerina, too?"

"No." She snorted and picked up James. "He doesn't have the grace nor the pose for it."

"Hey!"

James giggled and Steve gave her a mock glare. She grinned at him. "Okay, baby." She said to James. "Wrap your arms around my neck and your legs around my waist."

He did as he was told and Steve wrapped his arms around her and James and they swayed to the music.

"We have a white Christmas." James observed while I'm dreaming of a white Christmas was playing.

"Yes, we do, buddy."

"Best Christmas ever. I have a mama and a daddy."

"Oh, James." She kissed his head and Steve moved one hand to brush it through his hair.

The three of them danced together next to the Christmas tree even after James fell asleep. She knew that this was something that both she and Steve would remember for a long time. Natasha stood up on her tiptoes to press her lips against Steve's. The urge to kiss him had been overwhelming, she had to feel his lips against her own.

They kissed softly and slowly, their son between them.

"Do you really like your gift?"

They kissed again.

"I love it, Steve. Thank you."

Another kiss.

"James is right. This is the best Christmas ever."

Another kiss. This time longer.

"I have another present for you, sweetheart."

One more kiss.

"More jewelry?" She gave him a knowing look. James moved in her arms, but he didn't wake up.

"How did you know?"

"You got me a necklace and a bracelet. I'm starting to see a pattern."

"It's just..." Steve blushed. "My ma loved jewelry. She always stopped at the shops to look what's on display. She had a gold necklace with a tiny diamond, she loved that necklace...But she had to sell it to pay for my medicine." He had tears in his eyes. "I promised myself that I would buy her all the jewelry she wants one day, but... I just want you to have beautiful and shiny things, Nat. No one gives them to you, but you deserve them."

"Oh, Steve." She whispered and kissed him softly. "You're too sweet."

James stirred in her arms, waking up. "Mama?"

"Yes, we're here, baby."

"Can we all sleep in your bed, mama? Me, you and daddy? And wait for Santa?"

"Sure." She answered, surprising herself. But she really was okay with it. She'd slept in the same bed as Steve the last two nights and why shouldn't get James this for Christmas? "Let's get ready for bed then, okay?"

She looked at Steve who was smiling at her. "Thank you." He mouthed and she nodded.

She gave James a bath, helped him brush his teeth and change into his Christmas PJs, and picked him up so he could crawl into her bed before she got ready herself. She wore a similar version to James's jammies and she grinned when she saw Steve coming into the bedroom. It looked like he'd ordered the pajama set she'd shown him.

"Don't!" Steve gave her a knowing look.

"What?" She smiled innocently. "What do you think a photo of Cap in candy cane jammies would make?"

James had a happy smile on his face when his parents got into bed and he was in the middle between them.

"Goodnight mommy and daddy!"

"Goodnight, baby." She kissed his forehead.

Steve did the same. "Goodnight, buddy."

Happy Holidays!