The first thing that Harry registered was agony. The bubbling beneath his skin felt like it was trying to tear it, and the contraction and expansion of his bones and muscles just left him feeling as though his body had been filled with fast-drying cement. He doubled over as soon as the potion started to take effect, dropping the goblet in his hand and letting it crash unceremoniously to the floor as he raced--as quickly as he was able with his hunched posture--into one of the stalls.

Ron watched him, suddenly apprehensive about the goblet in his own hand. He held it increasingly far from his body. He grimaced as he watched it bubble and foam. It looked as though it had been taken directly from a marsh, but he lifted the goblet, hesitated, then tipped it down his throat, trying not to let any touch his tongue. His actions closely mimicked Harry's.

Hermione faced Ed with a look which he returned with a humorous "Good luck," her lips tilted down as she stared into the opaque liquid, a slightly red-tinged dark brown that was doing all it could to absorb the yellow light in the room.

"Cheers," she grimaced, raising her glass as though there was anything to tap it against before bringing it to her lips and swallowing. She stood there for a moment, just looking at Ed as her skin started to shift, slowly at first, before becoming violent. Then she too ran for the stalls. Ed suppressed a giggle and a moment later Harry stepped out of the stall, wearing Crabbe or Goyle's body (Ed honestly didn't know the difference). He looked queasy, wonky wire-framed glasses now perched atop a much wider nose bridge, mannerisms far away enough from accurate to be off-putting. Ed plucked the glasses from Harry's face and tucked them into one of his own pockets before gently kicking Harry's feet to the sides to widen his stance.

"Relax your shoulders" Ed advised "and walk a bit more like you've just shat yourself,"

"Uh, okay, will do," Harry replied intelligently.

"Same goes for you," Ed said to Ron who was stumbling out of his own stall, one thick arm wrapped around as much of his middle as it could cover, the other reaching up so he could press his large hand against his sweaty forehead.

"I'm never doing that again," a shudder ran through Ron.

"We'll see," Ed grinned. Ron had the distinct impression that the sinister tone meant he was planning something or other.

"No we won't,"

"We'll see," Ed smirked again and Ron just groaned, burying his head in his hands. He'd never done it before but he felt a sudden urge to pray to whatever god or gods that might it might not be up there to please not let Ed be scheming anything dangerous. He knew it was a lot to ask.

It wasn't long before Hermione joined them, nose tilted up and limbs tensed in a very Hermione way. It didn't quite work as well when you were expecting to see Milicent Bullstrode so Ed quickly gave her advice similarly to how he had for Harry.

"You were raised by mug- a muggle weren't you? How do you know how to do this?" Harry asked.

There was that infernal grin again "It's got nothing to do with polyjuice, it's just being a good liar,"

"And it's no wonder they wanted you to do the job that you do," Hermione continued on her quest to get Ed to realise his job in Amestris was really not a good thing. As always, Ed didn't absorb any of it. Harry just sort of nodded, familiar with how absolutely incomprehensible Ed could be.

"Am I the only one who's worried?" Ron asked.

"Okay, I can't stick around: Draco and his lot all hate me. They won't talk if they see you with me, let alone if I'm there."

"What are you doing then?" Harry asked, walking awkwardly as he tried to get used to his new, changed frame.

"Library," he shrugged "I know we're looking down a new avenue, but there's no point in leaving the tried and tested one behind,"

"And why do we have to do the dirty work while you read books?" Ron complained.

"Because you are no good at that sort of thing," Ed turned on his heel and made to leave but Hermione opened her mouth and he hung back for a moment longer.

"Besides," she smirked "Elric can't control his violent outbursts," Ed looked like he wanted to respond but she cut him off "And before you start to protest, I want to remind you of the kids knocked out and drugged in some broom cupboard,"

"Can potions and spells actually count as drugs?" Ed asked, still half turned away.

"Leave," Hermione shook her head and he was on his way, looking over his shoulder to smirk at them.

Ed's clothing choices and heavy prosthetics didn't exactly lend themselves to stealth, though he was certainly capable of it. It was just a lot of effort if there was to be no payoff. So his footsteps echoed around the hallways, bouncing from one wall to the next. It was a miserable day and this particular sector of the castle seemed to be as empty as a church. That was until the little bugger approached and Ed didn't hear it over his own noise.

"No friends today I see, Ickle Eddy?" the high pitched voice spoke from almost directly above his head. Ed stepped to the side suddenly as he looked up. He was glad as he watched peeves drop a water balloon full of something that definitely wasn't water right where he had been standing a moment before. "You're no fun, Ickle Eddy," Peeves pouted. There was something unnatural-seeming about the puerile voice and expression superimposed over the angular face with the worryingly deep laugh lines and crowsfeet.

"I'm not fucking short," Ed had learnt from too many encounters with the poltergeist that overreacting only egged him on, but he couldn't help the way the vein in his forehead pulsed or his face twinged. Peeves twisted his face, slightly sickly in colour, into what Ed was sure was a passable imitation of his own expression.

"Oh but Ickle Eddy, you are,"

"Says someone who doesn't seem to realise he's shorter than me,"

"Someone's in denial, I see,"

"Well it's not me, and we both know who that leaves. Speaking of, if you don't leave I will get the Baron, or maybe see what I can do myself--that might be fun," Ed grinned, sly and feral as ever. Peeves looked even sicklier and he began to stutter as he fled.

"Good riddance," Ed smirked to himself. As he went to take another step forwards, he saw a head pop out from around the corner.

"Ed?" it asked meekly, still unsure of how to feel about the slytherin boy. A body soon followed the confused, doughy face.

"Neville?" the boy walked a little dejectedly towards Ed, dripping something that looked an awful lot like the puddle that had formed where Peeves had dropped his balloon. "Wait there," he instructed Neville, deftly drawing his wand from his pocket. Nevilled didn't hear him say anything and wasn't really sure if his lips had moved, but once Ed waved his wand the sticky, viscous whatever promptly fizzled away into oblivion. Ed looked to make a silent, subtle gesture of celebration and Neville's eyebrows shot up.

"Where are the others?"

"Probably setting a new record for the number of school rules broken simultaneously," Ed smirked "I'm just proud to have helped them,"

"Do I want to know?"

"Doubt it. What are you up to, anyway?"

"Oh umm, it's just--I'm just….." Ed raised his eyebrows and Neville sighed, somewhat defeated "I'm scared,"

"Of what?" Ed asked, genuinely perplexed.

Neville could feel the wrinkles in his forehead growing deeper "You're kidding, right? Of what?! The thing, of course,"

"Oh yeah, right, of course. You wanna help me try to figure the thing out?" though he'd never admit it aloud, Ed wasn't that fond of being alone: Al had always been there, even if nobody else had been. And, admittedly, personality-wise, Al and Neville weren't all that dissimilar.

"You want me to help you?"

"Sure, two heads are better than one. Besides, you always look like you want to explode around me and it's a bit unnerving. I'm probably too used to being attacked cos I can't help but wonder when you're gonna snap,"

Neville didn't know how to respond to that, so he just followed Ed up to the library and returned the tight look Madame Pince gave them with an unsure smile.

It didn't take Harry very long to decide that he didn't like being Goyle very much. He felt so horribly off-balance, and even if no one was actually looking, he felt like everyone was staring at him, expecting him to turn around and fight them as if there was anything to fight them about. Watching Ron stump along beside him in an over-exaggerated waddle and Hermione fail to commit fully to her role as Milicent made him almost as uncomfortable as his own foreign proportions. He felt like they looked incredibly unconvincing, even though he caught their reflection in the mirror and knew they were perfect carbon copies. It just felt silly.

Still, Malfoy seemed convinced; they walked into the dorm and the smarmy blonde immediately accepted them as though they were his friends/mindless followers. The three of them moved into the room slowly, drawing closer to Malfoy and staying away from the bed they knew to be Ed's. They sat on the edge of the bed opposite Malfoy's.

"Where have you lot been up to?" Malfoy asked "you were meant to be here 10 minutes ago,"

Harry gulped and hoped his voice wasn't still his own "Reading," he answered shortly, leaving less time for himself to mess up and get caught.

"I didn't know you could read,"

"Do you know what's happening with the heir thing?" Hermione asked, trying to sound as sickly sweet as Milicent tended to skew when she spoke to Draco (whom she not very subtly fancied).

"I've already told you imbeciles this," Draco shook his head, every single one of his mannerisms so condescending, so much holier-than-thou. Hermione was genuinely tempted to kick him right where it would hurt--no wands, just good old-fashioned pain--and couldn't help but imagine what might have happened if Ed had been there. The mental image of Draco's face left bruised and bloodied as Ed calmly spelled the blood off of his metal fist was almost enough to distract Hermione from the present situation. Almost.

She mumbled "twat" under her breath and hoped he hadn't heard. Ron/Crabbe sent her a somewhat scandalised glance but it went otherwise undetected. She counted her blessings and bit her tongue as Draco continued.

"If I knew who the heir was I would tell you, please get that through your thick skulls; we've had the same conversation so many times I feel like I'm having déja vu,"

Well, Hermione thought, at least they were decently in character.

"So you don't think it's Potter?" Ron inquired.

For a moment Draco looked about ready to tear his hair out but he settled on just a slightly incredulous laugh "Potter? As in Harry Potter? Who hangs around with scum like that mudblood, that blood traitor, and that recalcitrant foreign brat? Pfft, as if Slytherin would ever have an heir like that,"

"Of course, filthy Potter could never hope to be anything great," the words felt like glue as they stuck themselves persistently to the inside of Harry's throat, trying to fight the logical part of his brain that told him to spit them out to blend in.

"You know, I almost actually like you today, Goyle," Draco said and Harry didn't know whether to laugh or cry so he just tried to internalise the way he cringed into himself when Hermione spoke next, in that same overly emphasised sweet tone.

"Do you like me Draco?" she flashed her teeth and batted her eyelashes, knowing Ed would be both immensely proud of her and also getting a good laugh at her expense. Draco just scoffed his response.

A/N

Hiya, I know that was a fair old wait there, but it wasn't entirely unreasonable so I'm not gonna apologise for it. It was lovely reading everyone's comments on the last chapter. Sobek-ra King of Crocodiles was very much right to say that I was using Ed as something of a catalyst for maturity and progression in the others (and don't worry, Ron's time will come), Unlucky Alis I'm glad you liked that line, that conversation was a lot of fun to write, and a lot of thanks to Jostanos, Ultimatequeenoffandoms, Gods-own, and the lovely guests for your reviews. If anyone has anything to say about this chapter please leave a review. Favourite/follow if you like this story and all that jazz.

All the best,

We'reAllABitOdd