Content warning for violence, blood and major character deaths!
November 1, 2019
1:22 a.m.
Regaining his power of motion, Nathan exited out of the erotic YouTube video and finally managed to open up his Skype app. He attempted to call Professor Gadd, only to get rejected. Nathan's stomach lurched. There was no question in his mind that the eccentric professor and inventor was under attack by the Boos.
"I need another drink," he muttered, heading back to the bar and ordering a martini.
Seconds after he had the drink in his hand, he heard someone walk towards him.
It was an airline employee, holding a laptop. "This is for you," she said.
Tentatively, Nathan took the laptop. "Thanks," he said.
The airline employee smiled a sugary smile before walking off.
Nathan sat at a table in the lounge and booted up the laptop to find, like the previous one, that it had already been configured for him. He signed into his Facebook, Google and Skype accounts before putting on one of his Google Play Music playlists to soothe himself. After another attempt to contact Gadd failed, he took a swig of his martini and opened up the Messenger app, wondering if he should try to reach out to Luigi. They were both still a little upset, after all.
He jumped at the incoming Skype call chime before answering it.
The two Toads appeared on the screen, the red-spotted one still in Nathan's living room and Blue Toad still in the ship's cabin.
"Hey, you two," he said.
"Hey, Nate—you okay?" asked Blue Toad.
"Yeah—are you two okay?"
"Yeah," said Blue Toad.
"Yeah," echoed Toad.
"Have you tried calling Professor Gadd?" asked Nathan.
Toad nodded. "No dice," he said.
"Maybe he was about to tell us something the Boos didn't want us to hear," said Blue Toad, "so they attacked him."
"I forgot to ask," Nathan said to Blue Toad. "Whose boat is that? And how far are you from shore?"
"This isn't a boat," said Blue Toad. "It's a restaurant in the hotel—a pirate-themed restaurant. It's called The Spectral Catch."
"You're—still in the hotel," said Nathan.
Blue Toad nodded.
"Sign into your Facebook account," instructed Nathan. "That way, you can use Messenger to try and reach out to Luigi. Hopefully, he can make a side-stop to rescue you before…"
"I'm on it," said Blue Toad, and Nathan could hear his fingers flying over the keyboard.
"Guess I'd better try to contact him, too," said Toad, also signing into his Facebook account.
"Want me to try video-calling him?" asked Blue Toad.
"I'm sure written messages will do," said Nathan.
"Okay." The two Toads fell silent as they composed their messages.
"Is is just me?" Toad asked finally, "or has this computer gone crazy?"
"What's wrong?" asked Nathan.
"My messages aren't sending," said Toad. "I keep pressing 'Send', and I get an error which says, 'Not sent'."
"The same things happening with me, too," said Blue Toad. "Either Luigi's phone is off or…"
"Or someone doesn't want you to contact him," said Nathan.
"Oh, no…" gasped Toad.
"Boos!" Both Toads shouted in unison.
The "default user" icon appeared on the screen, and then King Boo's leering face filled the shot.
And then he laughed.
"Don't worry about Luigi," said King Boo. "He's on his way up here. The two of us are gonna have a long-overdue chat."
"Up where?" asked Blue Toad. "The roof?"
"Bingo," smirked King Boo.
"Where's the Professor?" growled Toad. "What have you done with him?"
"Oh, we're giving him what he deserves as we speak," King Boo replied. "He's been a thorn in our side for the last time. But I wonder—aren't you forgetting someone?"
"What are you talking about?" asked Nathan.
"You've been so focused on your beloved Princess and those two plumbers," King Boo explained, "but perhaps you've let another traveling companion slip under your radar. Another Toad—if I'm not mistaken."
Toad's face paled.
"Ah, that rings a bell, doesn't it?" hissed King Boo. "Well—his very survival is heavily dependent on you."
"What more do you want from us?" Blue Toad demanded of him. "What more do you want?"
Nathan heard something plop onto the floor. Blue Toad looked down, and then he slid off his chair, emerging with a box in his hand.
"It's—'Cards Against Humanity'," he said.
Nathan saw a similar box be placed beside the laptop. "I have one, too," he said.
"So do I," said Toad, holding up a third box.
King Boo licked out his tongue. "All I ask is that you just play your game and let us go about our business unperturbed," he said. "For every attempt you make to contact Luigi or the Professor, one of you will die. No pressure."
He giggled before his chat window reverted to the "default user" icon.
"Well," Nathan said after a few minutes of silence. "You heard the guy. Let's just—play a game and hope that we'll hear back from Gadd or Luigi—or both. Anything to keep us sane through all of this."
"Uh—okay," said Toad. "Nathan, do you wanna go first?"
"S-sure," replied Nathan, opening his box of cards and selecting one. "Er—I have to take my blank to a blank, so I'll see you blank."
"Oh. Well." Blue Toad cleared his throat. "I have to take my salamander to an obstetrician, so I'll see you Tuesday."
"I have to take my ostrich to a masseuse, so I'll see you Friday," said Toad.
"I like it," said Nathan. "I like that one."
"I'll go next, I guess," said Toad. "All I want for Christmas is blank."
"All I want for Christmas is—Chuck Norris," said Blue Toad.
"Really?" asked Nathan.
"What? He's a legend!" balked Blue Toad.
Everyone laughed softly.
"In that case," said Nathan. "All I want for Christmas is—a green, gooey doppelganger."
"Uh—Blue Toad wins," said Toad.
"Yay!" cheered Blue Toad. "My turn!"
He selected a card. "A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without blank."
Nathan pursed his lips. "A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without someone playing 'Despacito'."
"Ah, yes. The most romantic song of the 2010s," sighed Blue Toad.
"Mmhm," said Toad. "A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without—my gigantic c—k!"
"Oh, come on!" Nathan howled with laughter.
"I'm sorry, but I'm gonna go with Nathan," said Blue Toad in between giggles. "'Despacito' for the win!"
"Aw—thanks, man," chuckled Nathan.
Suddenly, a LiveLeak video popped up onto Nathan's screen, showing Hellen still engaged in an—act of passion—with the other woman, their sweaty bodies thrashing ardently on the bed. Based on the two Toads' facial expressions, they could see the video, too, and they didn't know whether to be mildly grossed out or aroused, either. Just like with the YouTube video, the other woman's face remained cleverly obscured.
"Hey, genius—we're trying to play here!" snapped Toad. "Hello?"
Cackling.
"Dude—stop making us look at p—n!" cried Nathan. Off of the gazes of everyone else in the lounge, he meekly said, "Sorry."
He tried to exit out of the video but couldn't; he tried to minimize the screen, also without success. Nor could he turn down or mute the volume.
"Look, buddy—I don't think your fan club president will appreciate an audience," said Nathan.
You seem entirely certain. But the Toads don't seem to mind.
And indeed, Toad and Blue Toad's faces were fire-engine red, and they were sweating and fidgeting uncomfortably in their seats.
And neither do you.
Nathan knew that King Boo was right, for that familiar feeling was getting increasingly harder to ignore.
"Are you kidding? I'm in public," he hissed.
I'm sure you'll wing something.
He heard Blue Toad groan.
"Guys? You guys," said Nathan. "I'm sure we can all try to ignore that and continue our game."
"Uh—I guess you're right," said Blue Toad.
Good luck. 3:D
"All right," said Nathan, taking another card. "The results of a new study found that there is a direct link between blank and blank."
Blue Toad stared, goggle-eyed, before snapping himself back to reality. "Um—the results of a new study found that there is a direct link between spaghetti and dwarfism."
"The results of a new study found that there is a direct link between dabbing and spinach," said Toad.
"I guess—I'll go with Toad's," said Nathan.
The video's volume had steadily increased throughout this exchange.
"Benedict Cumberbatch was blank all along," said Toad.
"Benedict Cumberbatch was Twilight Sparkle all along," said Blue Toad.
"Benedict Cumberbatch was Goku all along," said Nathan.
"Nathan. Definitely Nathan," chuckled Toad. "Your turn, Blue Toad."
"Elon Musk showed off his new blank," said Blue Toad.
"Elon Musk showed off his new jockstrap," said Nathan.
"Elon Musk showed off his new miniskirt," said Toad.
"Uh—I can't decide," said Blue Toad. "So—tie, I guess. Let's do a tiebreaker." He picked another card. "It's dangerous to go alone! Take blank!"
"It's dangerous to go alone! Take Gooigi!" said Toad.
"It's dangerous to go alone! Take…" Nathan rolled his eyes. "My gigantic c—k!"
"Are you serious!" Both Toads fell off their chairs, rolling with laughter on the floor.
"Eh—I'm bored with this game," said Nathan, throwing down his cards. "Let's play a new game."
He opened Google Chrome and searched for a good virus removal software. The racy video continued to play in the background, the steamy sounds harder than ever to ignore. However, Nathan wasted no time finding the software he was looking for, copying the download link and pasting it in an email message.
"Gents, check your inboxes," Nathan said to the two Toads.
What are you up to now, Nate? King Boo wanted to know.
"Why—I just want to play this awesome new game," Nathan said confidently. "You like games, yes? You seem to enjoy games, yes? So, how about we play? This is the perfect game for you, Your Highness."
"I got your email, Nate!" Toad said excitedly.
"Me, too!" Blue Toad chimed in.
"All right—click on the link I sent."
The Toads obeyed, Nathan following suit. Then, the trio watched as the program commenced to scan all of the files on their respective computers.
If you want Yellow Toad to live, typed King Boo, then you'd better stop this right now.
"Does anyone have flags yet?" asked Nathan. "Let's all wait until we have flags. There should be more than one flag."
"Yeah, mine's flagging," said Blue Toad.
"So's mine," smiled Toad.
You all have 45 seconds to stop this, warned King Boo.
A timer appeared on the bottom right of Nathan's screen, which began to count down from 45 seconds.
"Now, as soon as the scan is finished, trash all of the flagged files," instructed Nathan. "Then, open your recycle bin and empty it. Quickly now!"
"Mine's done!" Toad sang out.
"Mine's done, too!" Blue Toad sang out.
"Good. Good. Now trash all of them," said Nathan.
The two Toads did as they were bidden.
"Er—my recycling bin is almost full, so it's taking a long time," said Blue Toad.
"That's fine—I'm dealing with the same problem," said Nathan.
"Okay, finished!" said Toad.
"I'm getting the stupid beach ball of death!" Blue Toad exclaimed.
The timer started flashing red as King Boo laughed evilly.
"Oh, my God—can this thing please go faster?!" shrieked Blue Toad.
"Hey—it's gonna be cool," Nathan assured him. "It's gonna be okay, I promise."
He turned as his own recycle bin finished emptying.
"Nathan, are you good?" asked Toad.
"Yeah. We're just waiting on Blue Toad."
Just as the timer reached one second, Blue Toad exclaimed, "All right, I'm done!"
The three waited in suspense as the timer hit zero.
"Did it work?" asked Blue Toad.
Both the LiveLeak video and King Boo's video feed disappeared.
Nathan sighed in relief. The Toads cheered.
"[Bleep] you, KB," said Nathan. "Suck on that, d—head!"
"Thank you, Nate," the Toads said in unison.
"My pleasure, of course," said Nathan.
"Great," said Blue Toad. "All that's left to do now is to find out what happened to Peach, and also try to track down Professor Gadd and Luigi."
"Sit tight," Nathan told them. "I'm gonna get some help."
He logged onto ChatRoulette, accepted their policy and confirmed that he was over 18 years old. Then, he waited for someone to join the chat room.
A purple-spotted Toad soon appeared. "Hello?" he spoke.
"Hi, can you hear me?" asked Nathan.
"Loud and clear."
"Oh, thank goodness," breathed Nathan. "I'm glad they matched you with me. Something—something's happened."
"My God—you look like you've been put through the wringer," said the Toad. "Is everything okay?"
"No," said Nathan. "That's why I'm on here. Maybe—you can help."
"What's going on?"
"I bring extremely grave news for the Mushroom Kingdom," Nathan said intently. "Mario—your hero—is dead."
"What?"
"King Boo lured him, along with Luigi, Princess Peach and three Toad retainers, into a trap. The invitation to the Last Resort—it was a lure. Luigi managed to evade capture and has spent the night fighting his way to the top of the hotel. But then—King Boo decided to torture him…"
"Oh, my God…"
"He had some Boos track down his g—his fiancée—in Sarasaland," Nathan went on. "And then he tried to make Luigi—choose."
"Between Daisy and Mario?" balked Purple Toad.
Nathan nodded. "Luigi stood up to King Boo, though; he refused to be controlled by that monster. So he killed them both. The Boos impaled Daisy with multiple darts, and Mario, who'd been trapped in a portrait, had gallons of corrosive acid poured all over him."
Purple Toad looked ill.
"I'm so sorry to tell you this. If there are any contingency plans regarding Mario's death, then now would be a good time to enact them."
"Only the Princess or Toadsworth has the power to enact a contingency procedure," said Purple Toad. "Is there news on anyone else?"
"I'm currently Skyping with two of the Toad retainers. One of them has been taken to my house, the other is still in the hotel, at a restaurant called the Spectral Catch. Luigi is on his way to the rooftop to confront King Boo and to presumably avenge the demises of his brother and his fiancée. Yellow Toad and Princess Peach are currently unaccounted for."
"Wait a minute—Daisy's his fiancée now? Since when?"
Nathan sighed. "He was gonna propose to her."
"Oh, no. Poor Luigi. It'll take a while for this tragic news to reach Toadsworth, but is there anything else I can do?"
"Yeah. King Boo has also spent the night attacking me and my friends because we're Luigi's fans," said Nathan. "He practically eviscerated my fiancée and unborn child, along with her mother, Princess Éclair of the Waffle Kingdom, and quite possibly her entire royal court. One friend was turned into a mural, another was set up to be gunned down by the police, a third friend was forced to watch her fiancée, sister and niece die before being killed herself and a fourth was literally imprisoned in cyberspace. Not only that, he's ordered all of Luigi's fans and Smash mains to be trapped in portraits for all eternity. And finally, he's targeted Professor Elvin Gadd, Luigi's mentor."
"Is he also with you?"
"He was. But then King Boo found his high school sweetheart, Virginia, who was elderly, infirm and hospitalized, and forced him to free every ghost and Boo he captured by using her as collateral, just like he's used Luigi as collateral to make us play by his rules. Professor Gadd agreed to his demands in exchange for Virginia's life—only for King Boo to have her killed anyway. After that, King Boo sought to discredit the professor by sending lewd materials to his computer and making it look like he had them all along—and then his Skype feed cut out. The Toads and I have attempted to reconnect with him, but so far—no dice. Here—here's the Last Resort's address." He typed in the address he'd obtained earlier. "You gotta call the police or someone who can help—pronto!"
Purple Toad nodded, grabbed his phone and dialed 9-1-1.
"Yes, hi," he spoke to the operator. "I'm located in Toad Town, and there's a young man on the Internet who says that King Boo is wreaking havoc. He's had several people killed and countless others held captive because they're associated with Luigi. I'm sorry to say that Mario and Princess Daisy are among the fatalities."
Nathan checked back in with the two Toads. "Someone's calling the authorities right now," he said soothingly.
"Yes, Luigi's still alive," Purple Toad was saying, "but he needs assistance right away. His current location is…" He gave the address Nathan provided. "I take it that your average response time is between 10 and 15 minutes. We're gonna need you to do better than that."
"Are they coming?" asked Nathan.
Purple Toad nodded. "They're on their way now."
"Thank you!"
"God be with us," said Purple Toad before Nathan closed ChatRoulette.
"The cavalry is on their way," Nathan reported. "It's almost over, all right? It's almost over."
"God bless you, Nathan," gasped Toad. "God bless you!"
Blue Toad nodded vigorously. "Let's hope they reach the Princess before…"
His and Toad's feeds froze.
"Oh, no," gasped Nathan. "Oh, please, no!"
King Boo's feed reappeared on the screen as the two Toads' feeds abruptly disconnected.
Nathan, you just made the worst mistake of your sorry excuse for a life, typed King Boo.
Another video feed appeared, showing the moon hanging in a star-saturated sky. The back of Nathan's throat froze as the camera panned down to reveal—Yellow Toad.
"Oh, my God," he rasped out. "Yellow Toad—can you hear me?!"
Unfortunately not. 3:D
Yellow Toad was bruised up, just like his fellow retainers, dried blood crusted all over his nose and mouth. He screamed and struggled against the grip of two Boos who dangled him over a building's ledge.
That's the Last Resort's roof, thought Nathan.
"Don't do it," he beseeched. "I'm begging you—don't do it! I'll do anything!"
You should've thought of that earlier, typed King Boo. The rules were simple—and you chose to break them. There's nobody to blame for this but yourself.
"Take me for a hostage!" cried Nathan, "but at least let the others go! Please!"
Too late, typed King Boo. EIGHTEEN YEARS too late.
Cackling, the two Boos callously hurled Yellow Toad from the top of the Last Resort. The poor fellow screamed and flailed his limbs as he tumbled helplessly through space. Nathan gripped the edges of his chair, heart pounding furiously, wishing he was anywhere but here, wishing he was at least in a position to help. But there was nothing he could do. He was trapped on a roller coaster headed for the bowels of Hell, a roller coaster over which he had no control.
Yellow Toad hit the ground with a sickening splat, and Nathan felt bile rise in his throat. Blood, gore and brain matter were splattered all over the pavement. The little toadstool's body was literally shattered beyond repair, the impact of his fall having separated his hands and feet and sent them skittering a few inches away. His once-proud mushroom cap was pulverized open, pieces of it floating in the growing lake of claret red.
"N-no," he whimpered.
His blood is on your hands, Nathan, typed King Boo. I hope you remember that.
Nathan clutched his abdomen, dry-heaving.
Oh, come on. We aren't done yet. 3:D
Toad's feed came back on, showing some Boos holding him down while another shoved a hair straightener down his throat—Vicky's hair straightener! This was another way the Boos were desecrating Nathan's beloved, and there wasn't a thing he could do about it.
Then, Blue Toad's feed came back on, and he was in a worse state than his fellow retainers. Bound to a bed, sweating and breathing heavily, a power drill whirring in the background. The camera panned away, and the Blue Toad screamed in fear and agony, blood spattering onto the wall.
Red Toad, Blue Toad and Yellow Toad—game over. 3:D
Nathan lunged for the nearest trash can and threw up.
To add insult to injury, the PA system crackled to life, announcing that his flight had been delayed for another hour.
Once his stomach was emptied, Nathan wiped his mouth and stumbled back to the laptop, where King Boo grinned at him like a child on his birthday.
"I'd stay and chat with you longer," he said, "but it's date night. And my date has arrived." He gave Nathan a mocking half-salute before his screen reverted to the default user icon.
Nathan sat there, stupefied. "Why is this happening?" he asked nobody in particular. "Why?"
He received a notification that Professor Gadd was now sharing his screen with him. A window popped up to show a blank Microsoft Word document.
"Professor?" uttered Nathan. "What are you doing, Professor?"
As if in answer, words began appearing on the document, very unsettling words—
To Whom It May Concern,
It's time for me to face facts—I am a fraud and a dirty old man. I've kept this a secret my whole life.
I did terrible things to keep up this façade, and tonight my deception and lies got a bunch of innocent people killed.
I can't live with the guilt.
You'll find the evidence in a file labeled "E. Gadd's Stash".
I'm sorry.
Sincerely,
Professor Elvin Gadd
Klaxons sounded in Nathan's head as he read the note once—twice—thrice. He knew at once that the Boos were behind this.
"What did you do?" he asked. "What did you do?!"
King Boo responded by sending a .jpeg attachment.
Reluctantly, Nathan clicked on it—and almost fainted.
Professor Elvin Gadd lay on the floor of his lab, his clothes disheveled and his glasses askew, thick froth seeping from the corners of his mouth, his eyes wide open, his skin pale. A beaker lay centimeters from his outstretched hand, allowing Nathan to deduce that the Boos had either made Gadd drink its contents or forced it down his throat.
Either way, a grand total of six important people in Luigi's life were now dead by the Boos' hands. Now, he was truly alone.
And so was Nathan.
"Please, God," he whispered. "Help me. Help me. Help me…"
Please R&R.