Chapter 15

The tears that Diana had been bravely holding back started to flow as soon as she beamed down to the remote cornfield where the Watchtower employees regularly transported to and from work. She wiped them in frustration with the back of her hand as she looked around. She was alone for the moment, but she didn't want to get caught crying by any random employee who might show up.

With a sigh, she took off overhead and flew a little farther into the fields before landing among some tall rows of corn and sinking to the ground where she wouldn't be seen by anyone limited by two feet and gravity. With a sob, Diana pulled her knees up to her chest and laid her head down on her arms, beginning to cry at full throttle, with all of the hurt and anguish of the last eighteen months of uncertainty and hope and heartbreak over Bruce rushing out of her in another torrent of tears.

The jagged edges of her heart's broken pieces felt sharp enough to pierce through her breastbone and even to puncture her Amazonian armor as pain ripped through her chest and sobs clogged her throat.

"Why wasn't I enough for you, Bruce?" Diana screamed to the crows circling overhead. "And why was she? Wally always says that me and Shayera aren't even that different," Diana cried to the silent ears of corn. "How could you pick her and not me?" Diana whimpered, feeling as though Bruce had punched her in the gut with the strength of Superman.

She loved Lex, she did. She had meant it when she'd asked to marry him. No one made her happier. But Bruce - oh, Bruce was different. Bruce tugged at her soul in ways that made Diana obsessed and anxious and filled with a desperate need for him to let her in. No matter how badly she'd wanted to, Diana hadn't ever been able to stop reaching for him and hoping and longing that one day Batman might reach back.

So for him to reach out with no warning to her friend Shayera who hadn't even been pining after him? Not to mention the fact that Shayera had supposedly been supporting Diana through her grief over Bruce.

The rejection and betrayal pierced Diana like twin swords, but even worse were the boulders of guilt crushing her conscience, because Diana had thought that she had really moved on and let go of Bruce over this last delicious week with Lex. But if she had, then why was she crying so much right now and why did her heart feel like it was bleeding out of her chest?

Diana felt confused and she rarely felt anything but clear-minded. A sudden inspiration came to her as she sniffed and sobbed and she pulled her phone out of her bra.

"Lois?" Diana asked shakily when her friend answered.

"Diana?" Lois said in concern. "What's wrong? Are you crying?"

"Yes," Diana rasped. "Everything's terrible and I'm so confused and I don't know what I feel, or why…" she trailed off as some more sobs burst out of her mouth.

"What happened?" Lois said gently, getting up from her desk at The Daily Planet to go up to the roof for some privacy.

And even if she was secretly hoping that Lex had just broken Diana's heart, it was only because she doubted his capacity for reform and would rather see him break things off with Diana sooner rather than hurt her worse later when his inevitable villainy was revealed. But Lois still hated for her friend to be sad, even if it was for a good reason, so she made an effort to up her level of compassion from mild concern to moderately caring.

"Bruce is dating Shayera," Diana said, though, and Lois flat-out gasped as she climbed the stairs.

"No!" she said in horror. "But, he - you and him - for so long -" she sputtered.

"I know," Diana moaned. "I don't understand it, Lois," she sniffed. "Bruce said Shayera was right for him. And that I wasn't. Why wasn't I?" Diana sobbed.

"Did he tell you why?" Lois frowned, going into reporter mode and trying to tease the story out of a reluctant witness. Diana sniffed suspiciously. Aha, Lois thought triumphantly.

"He said that I wanted too much from him," Diana said in unhappy confusion. "That I wanted him to be happy and that he wasn't a happy person and didn't want to be. Not that he ever told me even once that I was doing something wrong!" she said in frustration.

"I don't understand it, Lois. Who doesn't want to be happy? And now he claims to be happy with Shayera, so how is that any different from what I wanted to give him?" Diana broke down in tears again while Lois thought over what she'd said and mulled over what she knew about Shayera.

"Shayera's more of an asshole," Lois finally said. "I mean, not to tear her down," she said as Diana managed to give a faint but appreciative chuckle at Lois's candid assessment of the Thanagarian. "But, she definitely comes off as an asshole to the press all the time. And you always seem sweet and kind and noble, even if you're angry about something."

"I'm pretty sure Clark and J'onn would disagree with you on that today," Diana muttered, wiping her eyes some more on her arm and wishing she had a tissue.

"Ew, am I gonna have a grumpy Clark tonight?" Lois said with apprehension. Diana huffed.

"Things with Bruce kind of went a little badly here, Lois. I'm sorry."

"Right, sorry," Lois said quickly. "I get it, you had a bad day. Back to you. Where was I?"

"Shayera is an asshole…?" Diana prompted her, enjoying saying the words much more than she probably should.

"Yes," Lois said. "She is. When you're mad, you're usually blazing with righteous fury. Today being the exception to the rule," Lois said with a tiny but sympathetic smile, even though her friend couldn't see it. "But when Shayera is mad, she's pissed. And half of the time, she's mad in the first place from a bad attitude. Not over anything serious."

"So how does that make me feel better?" Diana asked her. "Yay me for being the superior person. Bruce picked the asshole."

"Well," Lois said slowly, her drive for honesty pushing her to speak even though she knew that Diana wasn't going to like hearing it, "Bruce is usually an asshole, too. So, maybe him and Shayera are actually a better fit than you and him, Diana," she said apologetically. Diana's end of the line fell silent.

"I'm sorry," Lois said miserably. "I know that really sucks to hear. But you've always been out of Bruce's league and maybe he's right, maybe you guys are just too different to be good together." Lois had to strain her ears to hear it, but she managed to make out the quietest little whimper from Diana.

"Then why can't I let him go?" Diana asked softly. "Why am I so obsessed with him, Lois? Even when he told me ages ago that he didn't want to date, I couldn't stop hoping for it. And I thought that I had let him go since dating Lex this week, but to hear that he's dating Shayera… I'm hooked right back in," Diana said miserably. Lois took a deep breath, because she did not want to give the advice that was about to come out of her mouth.

"Honestly, Diana, you sound like you're addicted to the angst," she said reluctantly.

"You think?" Diana said in shock.

"I wouldn't stay so tied to someone who didn't want me," Lois said. "That's for damn sure, Diana. A lot of women wouldn't. So, why are you?"

"Well, I loved him," Diana said.

"Why?" Lois said. "What possibly felt good about that situation? Did he ever make you happy?"

"No," Diana said. "He made me sad. And hurt."

"Uh huh," Lois said. "So why did you love him? What did he do for you that made you so attached?"

"Well… it was nothing he did," Diana said hesitantly. "It was more who he was. I wanted to make him happy. Because he was so sad. And I admired him. And enjoyed spending time with him on missions. He's a great warrior and his mind is so clever and he was so needy and miserable…"

"Yeah, you wanted to fix him," Lois said bluntly. "That's not love, that's codependence, Diana. And hero worship? Also not love. Not the kind that can sustain a romantic relationship, my friend." Diana's breathing got heavier. Lois cursed mentally and gritted her teeth before speaking again.

"What you feel for Lex is different, isn't it," she muttered unwillingly.

"Yes…" Diana said slowly, thinking of her man and feeling a smile automatically start to bloom on her face as her spirits began to lift.

"Tell me why he's different," Lois sighed, pinching her eyebrows, barely able to believe that she was willingly guiding Diana through why she loved Lex and not Bruce.

"Well, Lex makes me happy," Diana said softly.

"Why?" Lois Lane relentlessly asked her prey. Diana barely even had to think about it.

"Because he cares about making me happy," she said. "He goes out of his way to do nice things for me. And he makes me laugh all the time, Lois. And he's nice to my friends. And nice to me. And protective of me, but in a sweet way, not a demeaning way. Like he always wants me to text him when I get back to the Watchtower so he knows I've gotten home safely. And his whole face lights up when he sees me and he texts me first thing every morning and…" Diana trailed off, getting the point.

"Oh," she said quietly.

"Yeah," Lois muttered. "Oh." She rubbed her head as she felt a migraine start. Clark better give me two thousand million brownie points for this, she mentally grumbled, deciding that he would be getting a long venting phone call right after she hung up with Diana that would hopefully prompt him to give her some extra pampering tonight.

"Look, I was going to call you anyway today, Diana," Lois said with a sigh, fishing around in her purse for an Imitrex and some Advil. "I talked to Clark and we'll have dinner with you and Lex, ok? I'll… give him a chance," she ground out even though she kicked the wall in frustration as she said it.

"Oh, Lois, that means so much to me," Diana was saying as Lois silently growled. "And you helping me sort my feelings out, too. You are such a good friend to me," Diana said, and Lois groaned a little bit because Diana's voice was wavering a little bit with emotion as she said it and it made Lois feel bad for still wishing that Lex would fuck off.

"Just, promise me that Lex won't try to kill Clark anymore," is what she said, though, with a long-suffering sigh as she popped her pills into her mouth and swallowed them with a sip of her ever-present coffee that she'd brought up to the roof with her.

"Lex is done killing people," Diana said immediately. "He feels bad about that. Well, because I don't like it is maybe mostly why he feels bad," she admitted, feeling compelled to be completely honest, "but he does feels bad and that's good, right, no matter why he feels that way? Anyway, he feels especially bad over Clark because you're my friend and it's made things hard between us," she said.

"So he really wants to work things out with you, Lois," Diana said. "He gets why you hate him. It would make me so happy, though, if you and Clark can be friends with me and Lex both and not just me," Diana said with longing.

"Well, let's not go wishing for the moon, Diana," Lois said dryly. "I'll come to one dinner and see what happens. Ok?"

"Ok," Diana said happily. "Thank you, Lois," she said again with feeling, and Lois made a face to the pigeons on the roof at hearing the tears of gratitude in Diana's voice.

"Yeah, yeah, ok. You're welcome," she said briskly, starting to feel uncomfortable.

Aside from the obvious reason of Clark's fuddy-duddyness next to Lois's sharp career-ascending fabulosity, people were often surprised that Lois was with Clark because she was so cold and emotionally repressed while he wore his heart on his sleeve. But underneath Clark's caring nature, he was a true midwesterner with a stiff upper lip mentality. He was sentimental, sure, and tender-hearted, but he always kept it together in a neat little package of discipline and control that was appropriately restrained and never spewed out excessively or unexpectedly.

So Lois could handle being around him better than around most people. Hell, she even sometimes found herself able to feel a little more deeply than she otherwise would have thanks to Clark's gently regulated feelings that simmered quietly in the background of their lives instead of bubbling over onto the metaphorical stove. In fact, Lois knew without a doubt that it was the subtle influence of Clark's barely-there breakdown into grief during their fight last night that was giving her the ability to be a shade more patient and open towards Diana today.

She loved her Clark, Lois thought to herself, smiling a tiny bit as she reveled in the knowledge of how proud he was going to be of her for being so kind to Diana. God, she did love making him happy and she'd been regretting last night's sharp words all day, knowing how much they'd hurt Clark. She could be so prickly, Lois knew; but Clark loved her anyway. It was a constant source of amazement to Lois that someone so sweet could love someone as hard and angular as she was, but he did, and Lois didn't want to take it for granted.

So, she was trying today. For him. And yeah, she did love Diana, too, even if Lois shied away from the L-word as much as possible. Diana was one of the few people who Lois could truly call a friend, so even if she offered her support begrudgingly, because it was Lex Fucking Luthor, Lois did still want to help her friend when she was sad. But preferably without getting rained on afterwards with a shitstorm of weepy, grateful emotions.

"Would you and Clark be able to have dinner with us tonight?" Diana was asking her. "I'm down on Earth, I thought I'd fly over to Metropolis and see Lex for awhile and we could eat with you later."

"Ok," Lois said, figuring she might as well get it over with. "I'll check with Clark, though, and make sure he's up to it. J'onn called him up to the Watchtower earlier. I guess that was to deal with you, huh," she said.

"And John," Diana protested.

"Uh huh," Lois said, not impressed. "Let's eat in, though, ok? Instead of going out? I know I'm the press, too, but I don't need reporters listening in on our awkward dinner conversation."

"That's fine," Diana said. "You can come up to Lex's penthouse and we'll order in from somewhere."

"Ok," Lois said. "We'll probably see you tonight then. And Diana?" she said.

"Yes?" Diana answered her.

"Be careful how you talk to Lex about Bruce," Lois said. "Men have fragile egos."

"He's Lex Luthor," Diana said. "I don't think fragile and ego belong in the same sentence for him."

"He's a super villain who knows damn well that he doesn't deserve to be dating Wonder Woman," Lois said. "Trust me, he's fragile. Don't screw up something good with him because Bruce hurt your feelings. And I cannot even believe that I just said that to you and we will never speak of my moment of weakness again. Capiche?"

"Capiche," Diana chuckled. "Thank you, Lois," she said gratefully.

"You want to thank me, get me a great Justice League exclusive," Lois grumbled. "My Pulitzer's looking lonely."

"I'll do my best," Diana said with a smile as she got off the phone. She sighed, rubbing her eyes clean from tears as best as she could and standing up to stretch. She did love Lex. For so many reasons. She hated thinking of Bruce as an addiction, but maybe it was better to frame him that way. It might help her to let him go. Because the wounds he'd carved into her heart still really hurt. Not to mention the fresh cuts from Shayera.

That, Lex might be able to console her over. A friend turning on you? That would be neutral enough to not put Lex into a jealous panic, right? Diana hoped. Because, she decided, she could really use a hug and some loving support from her Lex after the utter and complete crappiness of her day so far, but she didn't think she could take one more conflict, and especially not with him.

Feeling hopeful, Diana took off into the air and started flying towards Metropolis.