TW: mentions of suicide, conversion therapy and internalised homophobia (A/N): okay, so this chapter is kind of a mess, but yeah...whatever, enjoy. I warned you.
Also, unedited
Song later on is called 'all my friends' my aj mitchell
Eddie was more broken than anything when he got the call from Mike. After he'd hung up, he immediately collapsed and began sobbing. The memory of Richie he'd remembered in the god awful troubled boys home was the only thing occupying his mind. He wasn't ready to return. It had been years, but he didn't want to go back and remember anything. He'd lead a good life without his childhood memories and he didn't want them back, but there was some part of him telling him to return, so he did. For some reason, he didn't know why, he hung the dog tag around his neck and tucked it under his shirt. It just felt...right.
Richie had been nervous ever since he'd got the call from the Mike. He'd been in the studio recording a new song when his phone started ringing. When Mike said his name he immediately threw up. A sick feeling washed over his whole body and brief memories which included a boy with no name tucking Richie under his arm flooded his mind. He recognised the boy from a photo he'd kept in his wallet for years.
A polaroid of him asleep in a hospital bed with a boy who's battered beyond recognition.
He couldn't stop looking at it on his whole flight over to a place he had wished to never return to. Derry, Maine. For some stupid reason he didn't know, he had replaced the dog tag around his neck that he'd removed many years ago.
Richie walked into the chinese restaurant and felt his heart become tight in his chest as he saw none other than Eddie Kaspbrak sitting and talking with Bill, Ben, Beverly and Mike. He froze in his spot and couldn't bring himself to move or say anything.
"Richie!" Mike called as he stood and ran over to Richie.
Mike pulled Richie into a hug, but his eyes were still glued on Eddie. Eddie looked over and gave him a small smile. Suddenly the dog tag around his neck weighed a hundred tons.
"Good to see you, Mikey," was all he could manage.
Richie pulled away and he sat down with his old friends at the table. Richie sat in between Beverly and Eddie. He smiled at Eddie and Eddie smiled back.
"Hey," Eddie was beaming, "it's been a while."
"Yeah...how are you?"
"Good, how are you?"
"I'm alright. I honestly never thought I would come back to this shithole."
"Me neither."
Richie was about to respond when the waitress walked in.
"Are you guys ready to order?"
"Did you become a comedian, Rich?" Eddie asked, "I know that's what you wanted to do."
"No, I actually ended up pursuing something I never thought I would."
"And that was?" Beverly asked.
"Music."
"You can sing?" Eddie exclaimed, "like good?"
"No one knew except my mom."
"Can we hear one of your songs?" Beverly asked.
"I guess."
Richie took his phone out and opened spotify. He handed it to Beverly and she began scrolling.
"Take your pick."
When she chose a song and the familiar music began playing, Richie felt himself physically hunch over. Any song. ANY SONG, and the one she chose was the only thing he'd written about his forgotten lover...that he'd released anyway.
These rooms got a lot space, crowded, but a lonely place.
Sitting at a table full of double dates, everywhere I go I'm gonna see your face.
Pictures, I'm reminded of the goods time how we tried it.
Don't know how I'm gonna get you out of my head, I don't have it in me to deny it.
But everybody, everybody knows something I don't.
Richie watched Eddie's reaction as he slowly realised the song was about him. Of course Richie didn't remember who he was, but he kept the polaroid of him and Eddie in the hospital bed in his wallet for twenty two years...Richie didn't know it yet, but he was still in love with Eddie and he definitely never fell out.
And I wonder, and I wonder how to keep a good thing going.
All my friends are falling in love.
All my friends are locking it up.
But I can't seem to settle down, 'cause I'm waiting for you to come around.
While all my friends are falling in love.
Beverly, who was sitting next to him, grabbed his hand and squeezed it softly. Richie looked over and smiled at her.
They say that love is true and I'll find somebody new.
But everybody lookin' like a honeymoon, but all that I've been looking for is me and you.
'Cause everybody everybody knows something I don't.
And I wonder. and I wonder how to keep a good thing going.
"Richie," Eddie said softly only so the trashmouth could hear.
Richie looked over and Eddie pointed a shaky hand at himself and mouthed 'me'. All Richie could do was nod and turn away. Eddie looked down and began fiddling with the bottom of his shirt.
All my friends are fallin in love.
All my friends are locking it up.
But I can't seem to settle down 'cause I'm waiting on you to come around.
While all my friends are falling in love.
Falling in love.
Falling in love.
Everybody, everybody knows something I don't.
And I wonder, and I wonder how to keep a good thing going.
All my friends are falling in love, in love, in love All my friends are locking it up, they're locking it up But I can't seem to settle down, 'cause I'm waiting on you to come around While all my friends are falling in love.
Falling, falling.
Falling in love.
Falling, falling.
But I can't seem to settle down, 'cause I'm waiting on you to come around.
While all my friends are falling in love.
"Wow," Bill said, "that was beautiful, Rich."
"Thanks...it was the first song I wrote that I actually released."
"Look," Ben said, holding his arm out, "I have goosebumps."
"What was your inspiration?" Mike asked.
"Oh um," Richie glanced at Eddie for a second before turning his attention to Mike, "everyone I knew was getting engaged, married, they were starting families, but I couldn't find anything that felt right."
"I love it," Beverly smiled.
"Me too," Eddie added.
Richie looked over at him and Eddie gave him a look that Richie had only ever seen once before. It was the same confused smile Eddie had given him that night Richie confessed. Richie's heart tightened in his chest and his face began feeling hot. He turned away to stop himself from going red.
"What'd you end up doing?" Richie asked Eddie, "I remember you having no idea."
"Oh, I'm an olympic track runner. After I left the 'school'," he made air quotes, "I didn't love myself. It was terrible what they did to me and everyone else in there...they tried conversion therapy to make me straight."
Everyone audibly gasped, except Richie, and gave Eddie a sympathetic look. Richie's heart fell and shattered. He couldn't say anything, he was tongue tied and holding back tears.
"It took years, but I finally came to terms with myself after and I began working out. I joined a track team and eventually made it to the olympics. I also have a company that investigates and shuts down places like St James School for Troubled Boys. Let me tell ya, Mrs Spader was not happy."
Everyone cheered and Eddie smiled. Richie gave him a weak smile and held back the urge to grab his hand under the table.
"Rich," Bill said, "do you know what happened to Stan after college?"
"No. We never talked to each other again after I kinda yelled at him after you left, Bill. Sorry."
"Why are we here, Mikey?" Ben asked, "you said you needed our help?"
"Something happened to us...that summer," Mike said.
"Pennywise," Beverly choked out.
"The fucking clown," Eddie's breath hitched and he reached for a non-existent inhaler.
Richie stared down at the table and he felt his stomach churned. Everyone's arguing and bickering became a ringing. He remembered Stanley being attacked in Neibolt. He remembered finding him with It's teeth dug into the side of his face.
"Mike," he broke through the arguing, "can I have Stan's number."
Mike pushed a piece of paper across the table and Richie snatched it up. He opened the keypad on his phone and began pressing on the number.
"Everyone shut the fuck up!" Richie yelled, cutting through the arguing.
Everyone went silent as Richie dialled the numbers, pressed call and put the phone on speaker. It rang for a few seconds before a woman's voice came from the phone.
Hello?
"Mrs Uris? I'm Richie, sorry for calling, but I'm an old friend of your husbands."
Oh, her voice became shaky, Stan's gone.
Richie looked up at Bill with haunted eyes. He quickly wiped a tear and kept on talking.
"Gone?"
Last night. It was terrible how it happened...his wrists...
"The bathtub," Beverly whispered.
The bathtub...I'm sorry I have to go.
"I'm so sorry, Mrs Uris."
Patricia Uris hung up and Richie dropped his phone. He didn't care about it smashing for the fact that everyone was staring at him. He covered his mouth with his hands as if he was trying to catch the sob that fell from his lips. Beverly put an arm around him and he turned to cry into her shoulder. Eddie softly rubbed his back in an attempt to comfort him. Ben put an arm around Beverly's shoulders and softly played with Richie's hair. Mike and Bill embraced each other and cried quietly. Stanley was gone and he wasn't coming back.
Mike had convinced everyone to stay, but he told them that they all needed one night to sleep. Eddie sat in his room, laying on his back. He guessed the inn was nice. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't five star either. Eddie couldn't stop thinking about Richie. The longer he was in town more and more memories of them together came back. He conte,played going over to Richie's room, but before he could even come to a decision he found himself standing outside Richie's door. He was about to knock when the door opened.
"Oh," Richie stepped back, "you scared the shit out of me. I was just about to come to your room."
"Can we talk," Eddie fiddled with the hem of his shirt.
"Yeah, come in."
Richie stepped to the side and let a Eddie walk past. Eddie's heart pounded in his chest. Richie sat down on his bed and Eddie sat next to him.
"What's up, Eds?"
"Don't call me that," Eddie smiled.
"I know you always loved it."
"Yeah, but I have a reputation."
"Uh huh, right."
"I wanted to tell you about why I didn't come back."
"You don't have to explain yourself."
"No, I do."
"Okay."
Eddie took a deep breath and clutched the dog tag through his shirt. Richie noticed, but he didn't say anything.
"When I left, all my memories when almost immediately. Around the time you would've graduated I remembered the night before I left...well not all of it, just parts and if fucked with me majorly. The last month I was there was the worst. They poured hot water on me, hit me more often and even tried shock therapy."
Eddie looked up at Richie and he looked absolutely heartbroken. He could see the tears threatening his eyes, but instead of saying anything about it, he turned away again and carried on talking.
"I hated myself. I thought that maybe my mom was right and that there was something wrong with me. I also became very conscious of all my scars and stretch marks and my personality, I hated every aspect of myself."
"Eddie..." Richie said softly as he looked down and noticed the scar on top of his hand.
"The guy who was meant to take me back asked me if I was going to Derry and I told him to go the other way. That was the first time I took the dog tag off."
"Do you still have it?"
Eddie fished it out from under his shirt and let it hang out in the open.
"Yeah."
Richie did the same and smiled at Eddie. The smaller man placed a hand on Richie's jawline and softly rubbed his thumb on his cheek. Richie leant into his touch and Eddie smiled sweetly at him.
"I'm so sorry that happened to you. You don't deserve that."
"Well I made it and I'm here now aren't I?"
"I guess so."
"You told me that it wasn't goodbye when I left. Who knew 'see you soon' meant 'see you in twenty two years'?"
A soft chuckle fell from Richie's lips. Seeing him smile again made butterflies flood his stomach as he felt his own smile grow wider. Eddie bit his bottom lip, pulled his hand away from Richie's jawline then wrapped his arms around his waist. Richie smiled and hugged him back. He closed his eyes and rested his head on top of Eddie's. The side of Eddie's face was pressed against Richie's chest and he was hoping he couldn't hear his heart racing.
"I missed you, Rich."
"I missed you so much, Eds."