Last update before I take a break. I found this very tricky to write, not sure if I got it right. Please let me know what you think. Really nervous about this chapter.

Have a fabulous Christmas, eat and be merry but most importantly enjoy time with your nearest and dearest.

Salutations.

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Peter was playing a video game when Steve walked in, an out of bounds video game by the sound of it.

Some very colourful language echoed around the room.

"So that's gone, does Dad know you are playing this?" Steve turned the TV off.

"What? You cannot do that! You cannot just walk into my room after disappearing and take away my game," Peter was appalled, but he was also very wary.

Pops was very different from Dad. Dad yelled, he yelled a lot but did not bite often; Pops was more restrained, cool-headed, he rarely raised his voice. However, when pushed he was inclined to be much more hands on. Peter was suddenly reticent and nervous.

Plus, he had fought him, physically fought his father. When Peter stowed away on that plane, he was hoping to help bring his Pops home. Listening to him justify and defend Bucky, betray their family so profoundly, had made Peter uncontrollably angry; although it was anger borne from anguish- not that he was aware of that.

"Yeah I can, I just did. Peter, do you like this television?" Steve was so calm, although beneath the veneer he was extremely anxious- he had to be careful not to overstep.

''Yes, I like my TV, but that is none of your business, you are nothing to me. You have no right," Peter sensed the shift and he fought against it.

"I am your father and I have every right. I can and will remove this TV if you keep on disrespecting Dad," Steve smiled at the obstinate boy; it was a conciliatory smile not that Peter noticed.

"You dropped a walkway on me, what sort of father does that?" Peter made a good point.

"Peter I didn't know it was you. I would have never done that if I'd known,'' Steve knew he had to make amends, explain himself.

''Peter kiddo, I would never hurt you intentionally, you know that don't you?''

Peter scoffed and furrowed his brow, the weight of the world on his young shoulders.

Steve's heart sank, this was much worse than he realised- Peter was suspicious and distrustful of him.

Then Peter gathered himself and glared at Steve, the resentment only muted for mere seconds.

''You chose Barnes and the witch over us. I am real angry about that,'' Peter scowled as his eyes clouded.

Steve had rehearsed this confrontation many times in his head but now he was faced with the reality, words escaped him.

''You left, just left as if we are nothing, why did you do that?'' Peter put him on the spot, he asked outright and Steve had not rehearsed for that but he had to go with it.

'' You are not nothing, you, Dad, Harley and Morgan are the most important people in my life. You will always, always come first. Always,'' Steve was devastated that he had caused his child to believe he was second best.

''Those are just words, words are easy. It's what you did, you left, you left all of us and you left Dad, you don't do that if you love someone. You just don't!'' Peter glared at him and Steve had to dig deep.

If he was to heal this most important relationship then he had to be brutally honest- expose his vulnerability, admit his human foibles, reveal his shortcomings.

''Peter, that day when Lagos went wrong, I didn't ever think it would affect you. I treated it as one more mission, a mission that hadn't gone well but I thought we, the team, would deal with it as always, then it changed.''

''You protected the witch. Why? She's dangerous, she hurts people.'' Peter didn't even acknowledge what he'd said; the boy went on the offensive again.

''That is not what happened. Stop calling her the witch, her name is Wanda and she saved my life that day. That is why people died, because she saved me. Peter, life is not black and white-there is a lot of grey. Wanda did what she thought was the right thing and it went wrong, that was not her fault,'' Steve paused to check Peter was still listening.

''Okay, fine! But why do you think the Avengers shouldn't have to follow rules? You are a group of American vigilantes, you can't just do whatever you want; go into other countries and destroy stuff, kill people'' Peter took Steve's breath away. He was really challenging him and how did he even know the word vigilante?

''I am prepared to follow rules if they are reasonable and you are right, we can't just do what we please. Dad got the Accords amended and I signed the new ones,'' Steve answered truthfully.

''Okay, so I suppose that's good,'' Peter conceded reluctantly, he narrowed his eyes.

''But the Avengers and looking after them came before us. Dad kept saying that you were standing by your principles which sounds great and oh so honourable, but what sort of principles mean you just leave your family? Who does that?'' Peter's rage echoed around the room.

Steve took a moment- this was much more heated than he expected- he had been naive to believe that he could just step back into his life and pick up where he left off; it was never going to be that easy.

''Peter, you are right; principles are not worth hurting your family for. I did not know I was doing that but looking back, that is what I did. I learned a lesson kiddo; even grown-ups have to do that

sometimes,'' Steve admitted.

''Bet no one's gonna spank you though are they?'' Peter quipped and Steve laughed caustically.

''Oh Pete, it may seem that way but I can tell you right now, I am getting my butt kicked, believe me?''

Peter was reeling, his father was being honest with him and he was finding it hard to process all this new information. The fact that Wanda had saved his Pop's life shook him. He was so sure he knew everything yet it was clear that was not true. He was overwhelmed and tears pricked the back of his eyes. He scrubbed his sleeve roughly over his eyes trying to stem the treacherous tears.

Steve waited; his heart breaking as he watched his child's distress. He had to hold back, allow Peter dictate how this conversation went, which was new territory for both of them.

''You still chose Barnes over Dad and us,'' Peter distanced himself from his father when he said that- which hurt, really hurt.

''I didn't know at the time it was a choice, as far as I knew it was just about Bucky. My family were not involved and I had no reason to think that had changed,'' Steve bent the truth a little. He did not want to admit to his twelve year son that he hadn't thought it through.

''You chose in Berlin,'' Peter still wasn't convinced.

''I didn't, that was not a choice between you and Bucky, I had to uncover the truth. Right the wrong. You were with Dad so I knew you were safe, I thought I would be home within a few days. Uncle Bucky was being blamed for something he didn't do,'' Steve wished he had never started this conversation before he had spoken properly to Tony. Peter knew far more than he realised- the wonders of the internet.

''Even Dad understood that Uncle Bucky was not to blame in the end,'' Steve added.

''He's not my Uncle, he's a murderer,'' Peter snapped.

''Peter, he isn't. He didn't kill anyone and he loves you,'' Steve was hurt on Bucky's behalf.

Peter sighed heavily, blinking rapidly, he missed his Uncle Bucky and he loved him too; not that he could admit that ever again. Uncle Bucky was a traitor.

''Whatever, are we done?'' Peter was over loaded so he shut it down just like that and Steve understood; they couldn't resolve this in one conversation.

''I guess so, for now. I do love you Peter, I love all of you. I always have and always will,'' Steve made sure he was very clear.

Peter shrugged, but Steve could see that he had made some head way but there was a ways to go.

It was obvious that Peter felt betrayed and didn't trust him; it was going to take some time to repair that bond. Steve was helpless, yet again the huge damage he had caused to his nearest and dearest laid out in glorious technicolour.

Peter stared down at his hands, he wanted to throw his arms around his father, get lost in his comforting, safe arms and forget any of this had ever happened; but he wasn't a little kid, he had to be stronger than that plus his father might do it again. If he did it once then he could do it again- which scared Peter to death.

Steve wished he could enfold his little boy in his arms and hug the life out of him, but they were not back there yet.

He allowed Peter some space, some time to reacclimatise. It was yet more hurt and pain, he never ever thought there would come a time when he was afraid to hug his son but here they were.

However, Steve had to re-establish himself as a parent in this house, an authoritarian figure; if Nat was right (he knew she was) he needed to do that right away. His child's life depended on it.

''So your room. Let's discuss your room,'' Steve sought comfort in the mundane as he looked around; said room was a complete mess.

''What do you want Pops?'' Peter rolled his eyes, so that hadn't changed then. Steve smiled, hearing his son call him Pops warmed his heart and told him he was on the right track.

"Well, what I really want is for you to go apologise to Dad for your disrespect. Then come back here and clean this disgusting room," Steve smiled at Peter who groaned.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Aaah and there it is. Now that, that is really bothering me, that you will stop right now! In what world exactly do you think it is okay for you to speak that way?" Steve asked and Peter blushed.

''Sorry, but I'm mad at you,'' Peter shrugged.

"Yeah I know you are, but it's still not okay for you to cuss. How about you go apologise to Dad? Then get a trash bag and some cleaning products. I will help you clean up," Steve suggested and Peter didn't argue further.

"Off you go and when you apologise make sure you mean it," Steve smiled at Peter who bit his lip. He moved around Steve glancing nervously up at him and walked down the hallway.

Okay so that was not how Steve hoped that reunion would play out, but he had no choice; for now he would have to be patient.

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Peter and Steve cleaned his room but the bad language re-emerged whilst they were eating dinner. It was a habit now, a habit Peter could not control or was choosing not to control.

The boys started to argue, squabbling over a bread roll of all things; Steve could see they were not getting on, he suspected it was about him.

Harley being protective, unhappy with how his little brother was treating their Pops.

"For fucks sake Harley, you are such an asshole," Peter threw a napkin at his brother, who laughed.

"Hey, enough!" Tony snapped and Peter rolled his eyes. Steve said nothing, biding his time although he saw the nervous glance Peter cast him. That meant he was worried about how he might react, which was a start back to normality.

"It was him; he is deliberately trying to make me mad."

"Because it is so easy, you need to control your temper Pete. Did you tell Dad what happened at school?" Harley betrayed him just like that.

Peter froze and stared at Harley in shock.

"What? What happened at school?" Tony was on it instantly and Steve wondered why he was so nervous.

"Nothing, nothing happened," Peter went very red.

"Shall I check my E mails or are you just going to give me the note? Let's not do the whole lying thing yet again; avoid the hassle because I will find out anyway so let's save some time here," Tony was his usual sarcastic self but Steve could see the desperation in his eyes.

So this had happened before, many times considering Tony's response.

Peter bit his lip and looked down at his food; he said nothing and did not move.

"Dad just told you to get the note so go get the note," Steve spoke quietly and Peter's head shot up.

''It's nothing to do with you,'' he glowered.

''Just get the note bubba okay?'' Steve took a risk and Peter was disarmed hearing the pet name.

He looked as if he was about to cry which had not been Steve's intention. He hid his face away in his arms.

"Can I be excused?" Harley asked, he was feeling a little guilty about ratting out his brother and had no desire to witness the aftermath which was intense.

"Yes Harley you are excused but a movie later okay?" Tony was happy to be distracted.

Harley got up, then it was just the three of them. Tony looked at Steve who raised his eyebrows and Tony nodded, yeah this had to happen, the sooner, the better really. Then, they could heal their family and start to live the life they deserved, had earned the hard way.

Peter had his head down; he sniffed loudly- reminding Steve that he was just a little boy, his little boy who was coping with a lot.

"Hey kiddo," Steve reached out his hand and ruffled Peter's curls gently. That was all it took and the floodgates opened. Peter gave a soft whimper, stood up and climbed onto Steve's lap; he wrapped himself around his father, buried his face in his neck and began to cry, cry in huge painful gasps.

Steve flinched at the deep distress, he held onto his little boy, hugging the hurt away.

''I'm sorry; I didn't want to fight you. I was angry, real angry. I just wanted you to come home; I just really wanted you to come home. Then, you kept talking about Uncle Bucky and then I got so mad. So.. then… I felt like I hated you but I don't. I don't hate you Daddy, I don't,'' Peter lamented and Steve grimaced, this was harrowing but necessary.

''I know you don't bubba, let's not use the word hate okay? It's a mean and nasty word. Oh bubba, don't cry, please don't cry. I love you and I will never leave you again. I promise,'' Steve rocked his baby, every sob cutting him like a knife.

Peter began to calm down and Steve looked over at Tony who smiled tearfully.

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Peter fell asleep in his arms and he tucked him into bed.

''I am a terrible father,'' Steve came back into the living room.

''You expecting an argument from me?'' Tony was unequivocal.

''No,'' Steve sat down beside his husband at the counter and accepted the offered glass of wine.

''If it helps, I am a terrible father too so we are in this together. Here's to being dysfunctional?'' Tony held up his glass and Steve clinked it, taking a hefty gulp.

''How do we fix this?'' Steve was completely out of his depth.

''I think, I am delving into my many, many years of therapy here, I think we cut ourselves a break and have a fresh start,'' Tony suggested.

Steve was surprised.

''How do we do that exactly?''

''Well, tomorrow we need to clear the air with Peter regarding the adoptions, we should have done that long ago and we need to let him vent, his feeling are valid even if they offend us. So he gets to say exactly how he feels and we just take it on the chin,'' Tony declared.

Steve nodded, that actually sounded like a really good idea.

''Then my love, we get on with raising our completely adorable children, always remembering how bloody lucky we are to have them. What do you think?'' Tony quirked an eyebrow and Steve nodded.

''That sounds like a plan.''

''Doesn't it? I have a different plan for right now though,'' Tony raised Steve's hand to his lips and bit his thumb tip gently, his eye sparkling suggestively.

Steve laughed.

''That's a good plan too.''