A/N: Letting this chapter speak for itself because editing it was a bitch. Thanks for all the support. Hope you enjoy :)
Waking up the next morning had Alison in a daze. She walked through her home, understanding that a fragment of the future she had imagined had been left behind in that parking lot. A glass vase in a thousand pieces scattered on the floor by the front door depicted the ache in her heart that had settled for good. Throughout the living room were memories of the previous night's overreaction. Still, none hit her quite as hard as seeing the torn pieces of paper in her fireplace. Alison dropped to her knees to gather the multitude of tattered remnants in the palms of her hands as they flooded back through her open fingers onto the logs below. A gift she had worked on for weeks destroyed instantaneously just as their marriage had been destroyed the night before. She struggled to comprehend how Emily's heart had morphed from one of endless caring and support to one of brokenness and destruction. Alison could still note the frown lines in her wife's face as Emily claimed a divorce to be the best thing for their marriage. There was grief behind the words that Emily claimed as her own. Despite appearing self-assured, Alison couldn't help but echo the crack in Emily's voice as she said those fateful words. As Alison climbed out of the car and repeatedly spited her wife, she noticed that Emily's face remained stoic as if expecting the tirade before Alison had even created it in her mind's eye. They both knew each other better than they knew themselves at times, and last night was another indication for Alison that anything beyond the separation of their marriage would do more harm than good.
Over the next few days, Alison continued getting ready for Christmas, piecing her life back together from what she had decimated just days earlier. In the process of reassembly, she also attempted to stay away from Emily as much as possible. Already arranged with their family and friends, Alison intended to host everyone Christmas afternoon. The morning was reserved to celebrate with the three closest family members she had at the Fields' home. As she used her key to open that front door, though, she never expected the conversation taking place on the other side.
"Mom, I just don't understand why you –"
"Emily, we talked about this last night. It's no longer up for discussion."
Alison stood with her feet grounded into the floor as she listened. Olivia noticed her mother across the room from her play center placed in the middle of the living room floor. Alison put a single finger over her lips in attempts to shush her daughter as Olivia giggled with glee at the gifts precariously placed in Alison's arms.
"What's the point of having Christmas altogether if everyone isn't welcome here?"
The sound of the oven door being closed forcefully keyed off Pam's words, "I don't think you're understanding it from my perspective, Emmy. Everyone that is my family will be here all together."
"Maya deserves to be here just as much as anyone else." Alison could imagine Emily's crossed arms from behind the entryway wall blocking them from each other.
"I disagree. Your daughter hasn't had a Christmas with both of her parents yet. It's selfish of you to think that Alison being here this morning somehow negates Maya's presence in your life."
"What precedent are we setting, though, if I can't spend Christmas with everyone I love?" Emily sounded exasperated, trying to explain herself.
"Maya is more than welcome to come to Alison's this afternoon, which is more than you should be placing on her in the first place. I just wanted a morning without any drama ensuing. Can you respect that for me for a matter of hours the four of us will be alone?
"I understand where you're coming from, but I haven't seen Alison since we decided to get a divorce." Decided to. Alison resented the choice of words. "It would've been nice to have more of a support system this morning."
"Then what support system would Alison have had? I'm sincerely doubting your ability to have empathy these past few weeks. Your wife just got home; give her time to process everything just like you have. Respect her first Christmas with your daughter. And give her space to breathe. She already has to accommodate the life you created without her in her home this afternoon. Have some decency and don't ruin the entire day for her."
"Me ruin her day? Mom, you don't even know what she said to me a few days ago when we last spoke, and now you want me to try to be cordial?"
"Do we need to repeat the whole conversation so that your mom can understand?" Alison finally interrupted as she entered the kitchen.
Emily sighed while mumbling something about checking on Olivia. Alison brought her gifts over to the dining room table to set them down before walking over to wrap her mother-in-law in a hug.
"Thank you for sticking up for me, Pam. It's not something that you needed to do in these circumstances, but I appreciate it. Merry Christmas."
"You will always be my daughter, too, Ali. I wanted this morning to be as normal for Olivia as possible. I'm not sure why Emmy is so affected. But, I also believe that happiness for the majority of people this morning includes not having Maya here. Emily will have to respect that as long as she's living under my roof."
"I thought she and Maya had moved in?"
Emily scoffed behind Alison, "And put Olivia where? The nook? It's a one-bedroom, Al."
Alison raised her hands in self-defense, "Dumb question. Got it." She walked over to Emily, placing her hand on her upper arm, "Merry Christmas, Em."
"Merry Christmas… I'm not sure how much of our conversation you heard, but it does mean a lot to me that you are home this Christmas. I hope you can understand why I wanted – "
"There's no need to explain yourself; I understand. I really don't want to hash it all out this morning." Alison's voice cracked without meaning to when their eyes met. She turned away quickly to prevent the tears building in the corners of her eyes.
"Alison…" Emily's hand reached for her wife's back.
"No, you don't get to do that anymore." She replied, walking straight toward the living room without looking back.
The morning proceeded as well as could be expected, filled with awkward silence and sideways glances. Olivia was showered with the gifts, while each of the older women received just a few as part of their Christmas morning. Presents continued to be opened until all that remained was one envelope from Alison resting on Emily's lap and silence between them.
Sensing a need to be alone, Pam ushered herself and Olivia upstairs to play with some of her new toys.
Emily glanced over at her wife, who simply gave her a smirk before turning away. Dismantling the envelope, Emily opened the card to find a check fall into her lap.
"Read the card, please." Alison asserted to her right.
Writing this card the day before Christmas is more complicated than I imagined considering that it's been over two weeks since I decided on this gift. In fact, I would be lying if part of me didn't think that we'd be together opening this card. In some ways, we are, but never in the way I had expected when coming home a few weeks ago.
I digress. Over the past few weeks, you have relayed to me some things that have shown me ways that I haven't supported you as much as I should have after 2015. I unintentionally made you very dependent on me and my family's trust. Reflecting on the past few days, I've realized how difficult it probably is for you going into this next chapter without having that same stability. I would never want or seek harm for you or your future, so I hope that you can take this gift with grace and understanding. It has no strings or ties to me past today. I just know that in whatever way possible, the only way for you to fully move forward is this first step.
Please just hear me out. Merry Christmas.
- Al
"Alison, what is this?" she asked, holding up the check that had previously fallen. "It's literally an empty check."
Alison reached to her left, extending her hand, which Emily hesitantly took, "Listen to me, okay? We don't know what's going to happen between us, and each of us has very different ideas of what that will look like. So this… this check has nothing to do with us. This is about your future and your well-being and your mental health. I'm giving you whatever you may need to build a new home."
Emily's hand dropped, "What?"
"You said you couldn't live in our home anymore, and even a few nights ago, you talked about how you lost yourself in the trial and in us quitting our jobs. If this divorce actually happens, Em, you'll have no access to my trust anymore. I don't know what that ends up looking like for you. Still, I don't want you to go from being dependent on me to being dependent on your mother to being dependent on Maya or whomever else. If this is the last thing I do, I want to give you the ability to be independent and build a home that doesn't bring back everything you've been through."
Alison watched as Emily's face fell into her hands before standing up and walking into the kitchen. Alison quickly followed to find her wife pacing back and forth by the back door.
"Talk to me."
"I can't accept this."
"Yes, you can."
"You know that I can't. This would just be one more tie to you, Al."
"No. The house, wherever you decide to build it, would be in your name. I would have no ownership over it. It would be yours."
"Alison, it would always be yours. Every rivet would be in place because of you. Every choice I made would be because you allowed me to make it happen."
"Then tell me what you would do instead?"
"I'm already looking for a job. I have an entire degree that I'm not using."
"That's great, Em. I'm proud of you. But you're going to save money for years while living with your mother to buy a home?"
"Maya and I were going to go in on the house together."
"Using what?"
"Money from the divorce…"
"Whose money?"
"Mine…" she paused, getting the thread, "That I would get from your trust."
"Exactly. This is just so you can skip a step."
"What's the catch?"
"There's only one, and you're going to hate it." Emily glared at her across the kitchen, "For it to be non-taxable… we have to be married throughout the build."
"What the fuck are you talking about, Alison?"
"Money exchanged between spouses isn't taxed by the federal government. If we were to split, the funds I could give you would be limited."
"So this was your plan all along?" Emily began to seethe.
"You won't believe me, but of course not. When we talked about you not being able to tolerate staying in our house weeks ago, I had no idea that divorce was fully on the table. It's the developments from dinner earlier this week that fucked this up."
"But you wrote this letter yesterday; that's what you wrote."
"Because I ripped up the first letter, check, and envelope when I got home on Wednesday. It's in the fireplace. But I had to rewrite it last night because of my impulsivity."
"Bullshit, Al."
"It's not bullshit."
"Fucking high school Alison DiLaurentis came to rear her ugly head! It's so fucking typical of you. You can't stand to see something taken away from you, so you plot, and you plan, and you plead. And you put on an act in front of the people you need to impress, but you know every single fucking move before everyone else knows that they're playing against you. You want me playing this chess match with you until I can't escape this marriage no matter what I want."
"Who are you right now, Emily? Really? Who hurt you? Because it sure as hell wasn't me. You're trying to hold onto this idea that I'm doing this to hurt you. Can you open your eyes wide enough for one fucking second to see that I'm doing this for you? For Olivia. Hell, fucking throw Maya in there because she's reaping the rewards from this too. Think about it, Em. You think I want to watch my wife build a new home with her fucking fiancée in front of me with my family's money? You think I went home on Wednesday and tried to figure out how to prevent you from happiness a little bit longer?"
"I wouldn't put it past you…"
"She's poisoned you! She's fucking poisoned you, Emily. What about my happiness? What about this scenario benefits me? Sit and think about it because the only thing this does is prolong the inevitable. It puts you further from my orbit and pushes Maya closer into yours. I'm so sorry that we have to stay married for however long this process takes. Apparently, I've made you fucking miserable. And it's taken your high school spokesperson to come back from whatever hellscape she escaped to over a decade ago to give you enough of a fucking voice again to speak out against my tyranny!"
"Don't you fucking speak about her like that."
"Like what, Emily? She depleted you then, and she's doing it again. If you can't see that, I can't help you. But you need to watch more closely or not even the woman you were then will be left. I feel fucking sorry for you. That you have been given a chance to move forward like you've been craving for over a year. Like you've told me multiple times in the handful of conversations we've had. And when the opportunity is standing in front of you, all you can see is bad intent." Alison began gathering her things to walk out the door.
"Al –" Emily announced, trying to stop her from walking out.
But Alison turned around before her hand reached the knob, "I would never screw you over, Emily. I have never screwed you over. I have lived so much of my fucking life FOR you because you and Jason are the only family I have. Why would I destroy the only thing I have left, Emily? Your train of thought is flawed. It's been infected and is rotting from the inside out. Get a fucking grip! Take your blank check and go talk to your fiancée about what you want to do. When you want my signature on it, you know where to fucking find me." She turned back to the door muttering, "Fucking unbelievable. Merry Christmas, asshole. See you at 1."
Three hours later, after picking up Maya from her apartment, Emily and her fiancée hesitantly drove to the Christmas gathering as Emily caught Maya up on the events of the morning.
"An asshole? She called you an asshole after dangling a bribe over your head?"
"Yeah. I mean, I do see her point. She wouldn't be doing this if it didn't benefit me in some way."
"But you guys staying married is to her benefit. You know Alison's always wanted to win. At everything, no matter how minuscule."
"What do you think about it, though, My? We'd be looking at most likely at least a year or more of waiting if we decide to do a fresh build. And that's not including how long the divorce would take in and of itself. I would assume that we would do a clean split, but I'll be honest, when I signed those trust documents, I didn't go through them with a fine-toothed comb."
"Trust documents?"
"It was a requirement of any marriage Alison enters. I guess it's like a prenup, but there is a monetary value that stays with the spouse. It wasn't something I ever considered." Maya slyly looked at Emily as she tightened her grip around her hand. "Until meeting you, of course. But that goes without saying. You helped me find me again; I'm eternally grateful to you for that."
"You know that being with you is an honor."
"So you've said, but you still didn't answer my question. What do you think about it? We'd be able to build the exact home we've dreamed of and plan each and every part; we would just have to wait a little longer for us."
"I'm not thrilled with it, Em. It seems like a control tactic. How different would the cost of building a house from the ground up truly be compared to the divorce settlement?"
"You know I don't know that…"
"Then it's settled. We'll feel it out today. Try to evaluate her sincerity through the others and her approach of me in general."
"Sounds good. The past two times I've seen Ali though –" Maya coughed. "Alison, though, she's gotten irrationally upset. I think that I need to stay away for today, stick by you, Hanna, Caleb, Mom, and whomever else decides not to give us the cold shoulder."
"Next year will be better, Emily. I'm excited to see Liv; it's been almost a week. Sometimes I think that she will forget about me, especially compared to how often I got to see her before Alison came home."
"She would never forget. It's been a hard adjustment for all of us, but soon it will be our new normal. Promise." She finished as they pulled into the driveway.
Emily clutched Maya's hand next to hers in front of the door as if in desperation. She had a key. It was her house after all, but ever since this morning, Emily doubted if they would even be allowed past the threshold. After a few moments, the door opened, revealing Spencer on the other side of the door frame.
"Emily!" she exclaimed, reaching excitedly to bring one of her best friends inside. Spencer extended her arms in front of her to hold Emily at arm's length, "Merry Christmas! So good to see you. Talk later?"
Though nonchalant in tone, Emily and Maya quickly made eye contact to confirm the directness in Spencer's words.
"Of course, Spence! Also, I doubt you all need an introduction, but Spencer, this is Maya, my fiancée."
Spencer let go of Emily to place one hand on Maya's upper arm, nodding, "Yep. Good to see you again. You'll have to meet my fiancé at some point today. Wren's running around here somewhere."
Maya chuckled, "Great! I'd love to get some insight from another person brought into the group and see how he found an in."
Spencer began walking away as she talked over her shoulder, "Oh, he had no problem with that!" She shrugged while making eye contact with Maya once more before disappearing into the kitchen, "Maybe you all will just have to talk about something else."
Maya immediately grabbed Emily's arm, "How the hell is Spencer still such an ice queen? In high school, I thought it was just because she wasn't getting fucked; she has no excuse now."
Before Emily could reply, a voice rang out from behind them, "She probably just doesn't like you very much." Hanna replied endearingly as she wrapped her arms around Emily's waist from behind, "How are you, love?"
"Today's already been a doozy, Han. Sacrifice me, please. You'd be doing me a favor."
"Oh, stop! I've already talked to Ali, and she knows that we may not talk as much to prioritize you and your feelings today. If you need anything, Caleb and I are here."
"Well, thanks for that. How does Ali seem?" Emily asked with sincerity, and despite Maya's cough beside her, Hanna continued on with the conversation without pause.
"I think that's why Spencer wants to talk to you. She and Aria came over early to help cook and found her still in the shower in shambles. What the fuck happened this morning?"
"I'd rather not be airing our dirty laundry out to our friends. We're just trying to figure out how to proceed with the divorce an –"
"Divorce?" Hanna grabbed Emily's wrist before looking at Maya staring at her wide-eyed, "Sorry. It's just that I didn't think you both would be willing to go through with it."
"She's not." Maya muttered next to Emily, "Tell her about your gift."
"Can we not make this afternoon about this morning, please? It was traumatic enough."
"Nope! You know the drill. No starting stories we cannot finish." Hanna smirked in Maya's directions, "Thanks for starting the story! Now, Em, finish it."
"She just trying to buy more time, Emily. You know that, right babe?"
Hanna waved Maya off at her comment, which quickly caught the eye of Caleb, who came over to whisk Maya away from the conversation.
"I don't need her opinion influencing this. What happened?"
Emily sighed, pulling Hanna over to the couch, "She wants to build me a new house."
"For free?!" Hanna exclaimed, causing Emily to attempt to shush her.
"Yeah, for free. Like, give me all of the money I'd need to build it from the ground up."
"I'm really not seeing where the fight came in then…"
"It's some legal mumbo jumbo where she can only give me as much as I'd need in full and everything if we were still married. Like, we'd have to wait until after the house is built to go through with the divorce. And I can't help but think that this is some trick she concocted after Wednesday night."
"Is that when the D-word came up?" Emily nodded. Hanna immediately sensed the tears building up behind Emily's eyes as she considered where life had taken her. "We can come back to Wednesday, but we have to address the elephant in the room. You obviously still love her. I don't get it, Em."
"No, no. I never said that."
"But look at yourself. You can't even think about divorcing her without it bringing fucking tears to your eyes. I saw my mom and dad during their last months and weeks and days together, and trust me, it did not look anything like this."
"I'm not in love with her, Han. She's been out of my life for almost two years. I'm moving on."
"But why? Because you've done everything to try and save your marriage? Because there's no way you two can move forward? Or it is because going backward would admit that you fucked up somehow?"
"I didn't fuck up." It blurted out of Emily's mouth before she could stop herself.
"Then I'm happy that's settled for you, Em. I'm going to go help out in the kitchen. I can't get in the middle of all of this for my own sanity. But even if you don't think you fucked up in all of this debauchery, whatever you did or said this morning was fucked up." Hanna read Emily's face before she continued, "Look, you'll get it when you see her. Trust me."
Noticing Emily was now sitting alone, Maya came to fill the spot next to her. She wrapped her hands around her, trying to calm Emily down as she was visibly upset.
"Do I have to say 'Hi'?" Aria asked Spencer silently across the room, "It's been years, and just seeing her makes me want to vomit. Is that bad?"
"I mean, she ruined Emily's life then and is trying to ruin Alison's now. I think it's well within reason that seeing her makes you sick to your stomach. Alison is your sister-in-law now, which adds a whole other layer of protection for you."
"I want to fucking break her in two. This whole thing has really been destroying Jason. Look at him. He's so hyper-focused on making sure she's okay."
The girls glanced to their right into the kitchen to watch as Jason carefully stepped around his sister. While mashing the potatoes, he continuously looked up at her as if watching a child take her first steps. He asked rhetorical questions just to hear her speak. His focus was to take her attention off the reality of her crumbling marriage that was less than 20 feet away.
"It's sweet," Spencer replied, placing her hand on Aria's back.
"It's one of the many reasons I love him. Especially after this morning, I don't know how Ali's even keeping it together. Why did none of us think that this would be too much for her?"
"Because we had no fucking idea that Emily was engaged."
"Right. Right. This is a shit show, isn't it?"
"Mhm-hmm. At any second, this powder keg could explode." Their conversation paused as Spencer shouted into the kitchen, "Hey, Al? How much time until lunch is ready?"
"Twenty minutes or so, I think. Should be right around our 2 o'clock expected eating time."
"Perfect, babe." Spencer replied, tapping Aria's back before walking back into the living room, "Em? Can we chat now?"
Emily nodded as Maya pressed a kiss against her cheek. They walked out to the back porch to move toward the outdoor seating area where Wren, Mrs. Fields, Hanna, and Caleb sat talking.
"Wren, sweetheart? Can you guys take this inside? Em and I need to have a quick chat."
"Alone?" Hanna asked.
Emily placed her hand on Hanna's shoulder, "Yeah, in fact, can you go check on My?"
"You left her in there alone? With Alison, Jason, and Aria?" Hanna laughed aloud. "Sorry. If I walk into a murder scene right now, though, I'm not to blame."
"Not funny!" Emily called over her shoulder as the group made their way inside.
Spencer and Emily settled into their chairs, a dense fog falling over them. "I know this conversation isn't ideal, Em. But I can't tiptoe around this situation. There are people's hearts on the line, including yours, and I'm not sure that any of the three of you are taking each other's hearts into account."
"I don't know what you mean, Spence."
She sat forward in her chair, "Now isn't the time to bullshit me, Emily. I need some context from you because I'm not sure if you're aware, but Aria and I came over this morning –"
" – And she was crying the shower. Han told me."
"I don't think you understand. Em, she was on the shower floor, curled in a ball, and the bathroom reeked of gin." Emily's eyes shot open. "Don't worry. She apparently had a bottle hidden in the bathroom from a long time ago? The entire bottle was shattered in the bathtub. She assured us that she didn't drink anything, but it took me nearly an hour to get her out of the shower."
"Okay… what do I need to do?"
"You need to tell me what the fuck happened this morning. All I could get out of her was something about you not understanding her intention? And that you thought she was playing a chess match? That this wasn't a plan?"
Emily sighed, "I may have gotten in over my head during our conversation this morning. I said some pretty shitty things, so she called me an asshole and left."
"But why the breakdown, Emily? I don't understand why her wanting to gift you a fresh start caused you to be a shitty person."
"Because I need to do this without her. All of it."
"You do know that's impossible, right? She's the mother of your child. She's been your best friend for nearly two decades. She's your wife for fuck's sake. You literally cannot make a move without her being on board too. Why are you pushing her away?"
"She's not a fucking saint, Spencer. I'm not the only person who said shitty things this morning. I don't understand why I'm the one getting the third degree."
"I'm not starting an argument with you today. It's Christmas, and there is literally no place for that today, so I'm not going to give into it. Do you want my perspective at all? Or is this conversation pointless?"
Emily crossed her arms, "It's probably pointless, but go on."
"Okay, thank you." Spencer sighed, pulling her words from the recesses of her mind, "I want to start this by saying that I love you. You have been through so, so much, and I think that needs to be acknowledged in all of this. You've had to be strong when others would've broken down. You've had to put on a façade of being okay when anyone else would've tried to run. But something else that I do know is that when people face trauma, they construct fragile mental houses for themselves to live in that can be built with toothpicks. And those houses keep them alive. They make life survivable. They make pain and loss manageable." She paused, "And I think Alison coming back has made you confront some truths about yourself and your life that you tried to shield yourself from while she was away. I think that without her even knowing it, she set your toothpick house on fire with you still inside." Emily had no response. "And you're inside the house thinking that Alison physically took out this match and struck it against your protective barrier when, in reality, all she did was show up. All Alison did was walk back through the front door, and the trauma of your life had to be confronted. You're blaming your wife for showing up again when you're the one who wasn't ready to face it. You're the one who built a house of toothpicks and expected it to stand tall. And all I see is that time and time again, Alison wants you to know that she's still here, that she's showing up for you. She sees your trauma and your faults and your brokenness. She sees the house on fire and chooses to stand by you. She sees you wanting to start over and is willing to open the door to your burning building for you to escape. You're the one trapping yourself inside. You're the one self-sabotaging. And when it's all said and done, you'll both be left in the wreckage because you're too fucking afraid to leave a burning building, and she's too afraid to leave your side."
Emily felt her mind swallow her whole. Presented with Spencer's understanding of the situation put into question all of the beliefs that had been cycling through her mind since Alison went to jail that March morning. It made her doubt every swirling thought and opinion Maya had sputtered over the past year. It made her wonder if her footing was ever even stable to begin with. She saw too much truth in what Spencer was saying. So she stood up to walk back inside, covering her torso with her arms trying to protect herself from further bullets being thrown. But as she approached the back door, Alison started to walk outside to let the girls know that the food was ready.
When the blue of Alison's eyes hit Emily's, she felt the wind knocked out of her. Because standing in front of her was the opposite of the Alison DiLaurentis she had fallen in love with. Her face was bare of make-up, dark circles penetrating her once glowing skin. Her hair, still wet, framed her face in stringy strands. Her lips were pursed, trying to hold every emotion from the morning inside. And as soon as they came face to face, Alison shuddered, tearing her eyes away from Emily's as if pain surged through her veins just as the sight of her wife. Her lips pulled into a grimace as she finished trying to speak, obviously not expecting such a visceral reaction to occur.
Emily rushed past her without saying a word, immediately moving toward the now empty living room as everyone else was waiting to fill their plates. She paced back and forth in front of the fireplace, piecing together how to make it through the rest of the day. Alison had stayed outside with Spencer, and Emily watched as Spencer swayed side to side with the blonde in her arms. It was reminiscent of the way Alison had held her just weeks earlier out in front of Olivia's room. It was a reflection of a picture of her wife that Emily no longer connected to, no longer resonated with.
As much as she wanted the words she said this morning to Alison to be true. As much as she hoped that Alison was still as conniving and cunning and scheme-driven as she had been in high school. As much as she hoped that she was just a piece in some elaborate chess game that would soon be won and she could finally escape.
But as she paced, her eyes caught sight of something lingering in the fireplace. Dozens of minuscule pieces of white paper. The check. It hadn't been bullshit. It hadn't been a scheme. There had been no chess game.
Alison hadn't lit Emily's toothpick house on fire at all. Emily's the one who struck the match.
"What the fuck have I done?" she asked, as her friends' and family's laughter echoed in the kitchen behind her.
A/N: There you are. A ton happened in those 5,000+ words so feel free to leave a comment about its mild insanity. Did y'all like Emily and Spencer's convo? What about Emison inability to have a valid conversation right now? Will Emily take Alison up on her offer?
See you next time.
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- secretpen28