CHAPTER FOURTEEN
(BPOV)
I stayed close to Jacob and Clarissa for the rest of the night and somehow managed to find him a cot that he could sleep on in Clarissa's room. When I finished setting it up for him and headed for the door to get a clean set of sheets from the nurses station, he timidly reached out for my hand, his eyes still red from his tears and his exhaustion plaguing his features.
"Your shift must be over? Has to be?"
"It has been for a few hours now." I truthfully admitted, catching his red rimmed gaze as I paused there by the door.
"Do you work today, too?"
"In four short hours from now."
"Thank you for staying."
"Of course." I softly replied, heading out into the hall, as Tina rounded the corner and met me there. She offered me a weary smile from the days events and held in her hands a stack of clean sheets.
"Natalie sent these ahead for you, said you'd be needing them for the cot."
"Thank you. How is Callie?"
"She's awake now and already complaining about being stuck in bed for the next week. She hates being cooped up. Not her style." Tina chuckled to me in reply.
"That sounds about right for her." I agreed, noting the nod from Tina in response.
"The doctor said she should be able to get around on crutches till her leg is healed. You can imagine how much she's looking forward to that."
"She'll manage and I think she'll defy the odds. Same as she always has. Not much can hold her down."
"You're right about that." Tina thoughtfully countered, her gaze looking past me and toward Clarissa's room. "How's the father doing? Callie's asked a few times herself. I told her I'd get an update. She wants to thank him in person. When and if he's up for it."
"He's hanging in there and please tell Callie that I think he'd be okay with that. That's sweet of her. He's being discharged this afternoon. I'll be sure to take him up to see her before he leaves." I replied.
"I'll pass that along to her. It will make her feel better. That whole thing could've ended much differently. When he raise that gun at you-..."
I felt a slight shudder go up my spine from her words, recalling how close I'd come to a fatal end myself earlier.
"It was too close for my liking."
"Agreed, just another day at Pen Bay medical, right?"
"Yeah, something like that." I replied, as Tina's eyes narrowed to focus on something behind me.
I turned to see what, or rather who, had stolen her attention, my eyes wandering down the hall to see Jacob lingering just outside of Clarissa's room, his stance unsure and his mournful expression making my heart clench in my chest.
Tina gently pulled on my elbow, drawing me in closer to her as she whispered her reply.
"I have no idea what the deal is with you two and it's not my business, so don't feel obligated to share, but I want you to know that Natalie left some paperwork for you to fill out if you need to take some time off. She thought maybe you'd like someone to cover your shifts next week? With your family needing you back home-..."
"Please tell Natalie thanks for me, but I don't think that will be necessary. I'll be here for work as scheduled."
"Are you sure?" Tina questioned, releasing my arm with an unsure glance in Jacobs direction once more. "...because it really isn't a big deal if you need to be back in Washington for a few days. You haven't taken a single sick day or even a vacation since you started here five years ago. I think you're well overdue, don't you?"
"Probably, but I think Jacob and his family need to be together during this difficult time. He doesn't need me in the mix of things." I softly stated.
"Bella, what happened with the two of you? There's got to be more to this than just an old friend, cause I've seen the way you've cared for him since he came through those doors. I've seen the way you've stuck around and pulled a double just to be sure to see his case all the way through? Do you suddenly do that for all of your patients?" She lightly teased with a faint smile.
"No, I don't." I nervously replied, seeing the concern lingering in her gaze when she reached out for my hand then.
"Listen, I'm not trying to push the issue here, but you know I'm always around if you ever need to talk."
"I do." I sincerely replied.
"All I'm saying is there are some connections in this life that stick. They don't bend or break easily. They're rooted into the very fabric of who we are. I saw your face when we wheeled him in and I'd know that look anywhere, Bella. It's the same look of utter desperation that I've seen on countless others when someone they love is on that stretcher. So, if you need some time to go back home with your family, back to your roots, there's no shame in that. You know your job isn't going anywhere."
"Thanks Tina, I appreciate your advice." I replied, taking the sheets from her and giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze, as I turned and headed back to Jacob with her words still playing heavily on my mind. I hadn't stepped foot back in Washington in years and the very idea of it made my skin prick with hair raising anxiety. I had left that all behind and chosen not to look back and I'd done so with good reason. I wanted no part of the supernatural that filled that place, and brought mythical fairytales that were solely meant to fill the pages of children's books, back to life with a vengeance. The most unlikely of places where monsters and magic were very real and nothing like the bedtime stories I'd had read to me as a small child. Where the prince would offer true loves first kiss and all would be made well again. No, on the contrary, most of the time, there was no true happy ending in Forks, Washington. Not for those who had been forced into a life they had no say in, no choice in the matter. Where a true love was chosen for them based on bloodlines and genetics that were far outside the norm. It wasn't often that I even allowed myself to ponder back to those times now. Back to when I could still see the stark white walls that surrounded me as I sat in the doctors office, nervously waiting for the Doctor to come in and discuss the results she'd found upon my thorough examination. If I closed my eyes long enough, I could still picture the devout sadness on her face when she came in and sat down at the desk, her hands opening the chart, as she looked my way with the news I'd been dreading for weeks prior. Horrible pain and a missed period that didn't make sense, followed by two more consecutive months of unexplained amenorrhea, had finally forced me to make the trip in to the local clinic in town.
"Well, miss Swan, after taking a further look at some of the images from your ultrasound, we have some answers." She slowly began, her gaze wandering over the black and white images she held out to me, and pointing to the black outline of what she explained to be my right ovary. "See this right here, this is the problem. You have a pretty severe case of endometriosis and unfortunately, it's caused a lot of scarring."
"What does that mean?" I asked, squinting to try and see the image better, but failing to make it out.
"It means that the cause of your pain and amenorrhea is from the endometriosis."
I blinked rapidly then as she moved back and began to scribble down some notes on the clipboard in her hand.
"...b-but I'm only eighteen." I stuttered, feeling my chest tighten and my stomach clench uncomfortably at her words.
"Yes, but don't worry, it is not life threatening and it is a lot more common than you think. There are some holistic things to try. Some herbs and teas, but unfortunately there's currently no cure for it at this time." She calmly explained, as the room began to spin.
"So, outside of pain meds, there's really nothing to relieve the pain I've been having for the past three months?" I asked, hoping there was something she'd left out.
"I'm sorry but no and while I wouldn't recommend surgery for a woman of your young age, I will tell you that the scarring is severe enough to make pregnancy difficult for you down the road." She admitted. "I understand that's probably not something you're thinking about starting right now, but-..."
"...but someday." I softly hedged, finishing the thought for her and feeling my face flush while I pondered what she was saying.
"There's many treatments for infertility should that arise for you when you do marry and decide to try and start a family. Don't lose heart. You are still so young."
"Am I right to assume that this will only get worse as I get older and not better?"
I saw her pretty face fall as she tried her best to keep me from hearing the bleak and harsh truth.
"Miss Swan, I-..."
"Can I have children someday? Please, can you just tell me? I want to know." I nervously declared, seeing her pause and set the clipboard down as she hesitated to give me the straight answer I needed.
"With severe cases of endometriosis like this, the statistics show that there is a significant decline in the ability to conceive and carry to full term."
"How decreased?" I gasped to her in reply.
"Sometimes, and taking into account the severity of your stage, the numbers are decreased by as much as nearly fifty-percent. Your case involves the uterine wall as well as your right ovary. The surrounding tissues can become more irritated with time and cause more pelvic issues."
"So age here is not on my side."
"I'm very sorry, Miss Swan." She apologized, placing a hand over my own as I hurriedly got dressed and left the exam room without looking back. She called out after me but I ignored her, because I knew she would have nothing to say that could ease the pain of what I'd just learned.
I drove home numb and never spoke a word of it to anyone. Not to Charlie or my mother and not to Jacob. I kept it to myself for weeks after and asked Billy one afternoon while over to Jacobs if he could better explain exactly how imprinting worked. The dynamics of it that Jacob always seemed to avoid whenever he mentioned it. I wanted to understand more than just the feelings that surrounded it. When Billy was done with his history lesson for me, and he'd explained it all in great detail, I left their house knowing that things would never be the same. Up until that point, I'd shared Jacobs tongue in cheek attitude about imprinting, never wanting to pry or make him uncomfortable, but deep down, a very small part of me had held out the naïve and irrational hope that maybe, just maybe, it had been me all along and he just had never found the courage to tell me.
Looking back on that time now only made me laugh at my own stupidity, because I was the polar opposite of what his imprint could ever be. As Billy had so wisely stated, the carrying on of that gene played a huge role for the imprint itself. He used Sam Uley and Emily as prime examples of the strength of it's magnetic pull, reminding me then about how despite Sams devout commitment and love for Leah Clearwater, in the end, the imprint changed it and he chose to be with Emily. I remember that I had never felt so torn or so alone as I did when I went to sleep that night, knowing that I didn't belong here. I knew that as long as I stayed in Forks, Jacob would never even open himself up to a connection like that, not that he'd have much choice anyway, but he'd fight it and it would only cause him pain. I didn't want that. He was loyal to a fault, one of the best people I'd ever known, and already we'd blurred the lines of our close friendship, making me believe that what was once broken could be made whole again. In the months before I had left for Maine, he'd broken Charlie's house rule of being gone after dark and had snuck in through my window after his patrol was over to hold me while I slept. He did this night after night and it had been heaven and hell for me all wrapped in one. High School was nearly over and I knew that I had to make a choice and follow my own dream so that Jacob could find his. Wherever she was and whoever she was.
I was harshly torn away from my thoughts when an incoming trauma page made me shake my head and glance down at the lit up pager flashing on my hip. I paused by the door and saw Jacob still waiting there just ahead, his gaze looking as lost as I'd ever seen it now. I blindly reached down and silenced the pager as I approached him then.
"You have to go?" He regretfully asked, his hoarse tone forcing my gaze to hold his.
"No." I stated, handing him the sheets. "They have enough nurses on call down in the ER right now. I'm off the clock until five. I brought these for you. I'm sorry, it's all we have. They're not the most comfortable."
"Thank you, Bells. They'll do fine. After all, I used to sleep on the ground not so long ago, remember?"
"Yeah, I do." I quietly replied, stealing a side glance over at Clarissa and smiling at the sight of her still fast asleep there on the bed.
"Is there anything else you need? Are you hungry? I could go get you some food from the hospital cafeteria. I get a pretty decent discount and I promise that it won't kill you. It's not nearly as bad as some say it is. Can't always believe what you hear in this place Just a fair warning."
"No, I suppose you can't. I don't remember the last time I ate anything. I haven't had much of an appetite." He admitted, placing the sheets on the cot and soon kissing Clarissa's forehead as he stared down at her.
"Well, I know it's been a while, but I think I still know what your preferred foods are? I'll go get you a small plate and bring it back?"
"I truthfully don't think I could stomach it. I'm sorry."
"Don't be. It's alright. Maybe we can try again in the morning for breakfast?"
"Sounds good." He replied, as I slowly backed away and started to close the door.
Jacobs hand swiftly caught it before it could latch and I looked up to see his wide and anxious eyes peering down at me with his whispered plea.
"Do you think you could stay? For a little while longer? I know you need some rest, too. You're more than welcome to take the cot. I already know that I won't be able to sleep anyway. I can't shut my mind off long enough to."
I continued to stare up into his face, my mind running over the thoughts from before, and feeling my chest painfully tighten at the brokenness reflected back at me in his darkened gaze while I stood there.
The truth was, I would do anything to take that look from him and if this was all I could give him, then it was better than nothing.
"Sure, I'll stay with you for a little bit, but you should try to get some sleep, Jacob. You've been through a lot."
He looked away from me then as I stepped back inside the room and closed the door behind me.
"I'm scared I'll wake up and expect her to still be here, so I don't want to close my eyes."
"I understand." I gently countered, watching him pull up the chair next to Clarissa and take hold of her tiny hand in his.
"Does she look pale to you? Is her color okay?"
I took a few steps closer and looked her over, the russet hue of her skin matching Jacobs and her cheeks flush with healthy color.
"She looks perfect. She's okay, Jake. She really is. It's alright to close your eyes. You have to get your rest for her. She needs you."
"I know and I need her." He breathed, rubbing his eyes and reaching his hand out for mine. "Thank you for being in here with me."
"I wish I could do more." I admitted, taking hold of his offered hand and glancing down to see the striking contrast in color between our skin tones. Even in the dead of Winter, his warm skin color never faded like all the rest of us average and ordinary humans on this earth.
"You've done more than enough, Bells. I owe you."
"You owe me nothing." I countered, as he laid his head on the side of Clarissa's bed and fought to keep his heavy eyes open.
Several minutes passed as we sat there in silence, the two of us both too exhausted to utter anything else and it wasn't long before I noticed his breathing had evened out and his eyes were closed.
He'd finally let himself relax enough to go to sleep and I couldn't bring myself to look away from his face, seeing the restlessness still etched there when he gripped my hand tighter in his while he slept. I let out a heavy sigh, dreading what the dawn would bring him in only a few short hours. He'd be forced to make arrangements that he never thought in a million years he'd have to make, and I felt helpless to offer him any kind of comfort for the grief I knew had just started to stretch out like an ocean for him. There was no way to shelter him or sweet Clarissa from it. They had to face it together.
I silently pondered Tina's advice from earlier, my mind going over what she'd said to me and knowing it was true. I hadn't taken so much as a single sick day on this job. My pep time was still accruing and I could use it whenever I wanted to take a few days off, but I didn't think I could bring myself to venture back to Washington after all this time.
I slowly pulled my hand away from Jacobs and laid down on the cot, as I finally closed my eyes and fell asleep. It seemed as if I'd only been resting a short time when the sound of a phone ringing startled me awake.
My eyes flew open to take in the harsh and blinding light of the early morning sun and I sat up, looking around the room and seeing Jacob standing over by the large bay window with his cell phone clutched tightly in his hand.
"What time is it?" I sleepily asked.
"Eight- thirty." He hoarsely replied.
I got to my feet and noticed that Clarissa was barely beginning to stir.
"Did you sleep?"
"A little."
"I have to call Charlie and see if he and Billy are on their way here." I stated, drawing closer to him and stilling there by the window as he looked at the rising sun.
"The funeral home called. They want me to bring over her outfit to be buried in by tomorrow. I told them there's at least fifty people coming and I can't reach her parents. They won't return my call. They were never a big fan of mine."
"Why?" I asked, unable to hide the slight anger in my tone when I spoke. "What would they possibly have against you."
"Lillian was raised in money. Her father wanted more for her but she chose me anyway. They didn't have a close relationship. She resented him for the way he treated me. I tried to make amends, but it never worked. Maybe they were right all along. Look where it got her." He sighed, hanging his head and tossing his phone down on the chair in front of him.
I placed my hand under his chin and gently raised his head, forcing his pained gaze to meet mine with my words.
"You loved her and that was enough. Don't let them get in your head, Jacob. If Lilly's father couldn't see your treasured worth, than that's his blind and arrogant loss."
I dropped my hand then and saw him nod to me in return as I grabbed my pager from the cot and checked it while I hurriedly headed for the hall.
Jacob went to Clarissa and scooped her up, his arms cradling her to him as he looked my way.
"So, the word is I get discharged with her today, right?"
"Yeah, that's the rumor." I sighed, offering him a faint smile and ignoring the pang of regret that settled into my stomach as I stared at the two of them. "I'll come back in an hour with your paperwork and then you can make arrangements to head home."
He looked at Clarissa and kissed her cheek as I closed the door and leaned against it, the heaviness of the last few days still proving to wear me out. Part of me was relieved for him, relieved that he and his baby girl could leave this hospital together, but then there was the other part of me, the part of me that felt like I was abandoning him in his darkest hour and in his time of immense grief. I headed for the nurses station and saw Natalie there with a hot cup of coffee held out to me, her smile wide and suspicious as she waved a paper in front of my face when I took the coffee from her.
"I took the liberty of pulling these for you."
"I don't need to apply for an extended leave." I huffed, taking a sip from my coffee and snatching the paper out of her hand.
"Oh, I know. That's why I got both forms! Just in case you decided to take only one week off instead of two for your trip back to Washington."
"Natalie, you don't undersntand. It's not that simple. I would have to have permission from Dr. Niles and there would need to be someone in line to cover those days. I'm not leaving all of you short handed in here."
"I've already taken care of that. Jamie needs the hours. She just bought a house last month and is already stressing about the mortgage. So, I texted her and asked if she would like your hours and she was more than happy to cover you for next week. Her and her husband are going on vacation to Hawaii for Christmas, trust me when I tell you this, she needs all the money she can get right now."
I went silent at this, placing my coffee down on the desk and looking over the work leave form, my attention soon being drawn to the commotion happening just outside the waiting room.
"What's going on over there?" I asked, seeing Natalie's eyes go wide when she saw the group of men come heading our way.
"Okay, you didn't tell me that Mr. Black has like six of the hottest brothers alive." She whispered in my ear. "I thought we were friends. You can't be leaving things like this out of our conversations, you know?"
I was only able to focus on half of what she was saying as I took in the sight before me.
Sam Uley straightened his shoulders and waved a hand to the others, silently telling them to pipe down as he reached for me, his unexpected embrace making me freeze there in his arms.
"Bella, it's good to see you. We've missed you around our parts back home." He sighed, as he sat me back down on my feet and looked to Natalie, her mouth hung open in shock and her glasses nearly falling from her face while she stared back at him in shock.
And just like that, the supernatural that I'd left behind had come back into my life and in the form of six tall Quileute men, all of whom were now the focus point of every nurse in the Pen Bay emergency room.
A/N: Thanks for reading this new update and please let me know your thoughts on this story in a review. Do you think Bella should go back to Washington with Jacob? Till Next Time... HAPPY READING!