ONE DAY AT BLOATY'S PART 1
L-Train: Hey guys, how's it going?
Clydesdale: Lincoln! We haven't heard from you in weeks! What's up with that?
Spokesman: yeah
Spokesman: clydes been losing it ever since you left
Spokesman: and zach made it worse
WATCHTHESKIES: I THOUGHT YOU WERE ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!
PigPinner: and y'all thought wrong
L-Train: Zach still doing that thing?
Spokesman: lol
Spokesman: yeah
Clydesdale: Zach, please stop texting in all caps. It hurts my eyes.
WATCHTHESKIES: IT KEEPS THE GOVERNMENT FROM READING YOUR TEXTS! IT ANNOYS THEM SO MUCH!
PigPinner: I'd bet it'd annoy anyone who reads whatever we have ta say
Spokesman: lol
Spokesman: sure yeah
Spokesman: like anyone else would ever read this
Spokesman: unless .
Clydesdale: Rusty, no.
Spokesman: ANY FINE LADIES OUT THERE LOOKING FOR A DATE?
L-Train: lol!
L-Train: Rusty, never change.
WATCHTHESKIES: STOP READING! I KNOW YOURE OUT THERE!
Clydesdale: Lincoln, how come you didn't reply to the chat? Is Lori okay?
PigPinner: and the rest of y'all's family?
Clydesdale: I meant the Louds! Are the Louds okay?
L-Train: Sorry Clyde, something was up with our phones. The coverage hasn't been too good and we just got the wi-fi installed.
Clydesdale: How could Lori keep updating on MyBook though?
PigPinner: didn't she block y'all?
Clydesdale: Uh...
L-Train: Well, Lori has a better service for her phone, so the family switched to that.
WATCHTHESKIES: HMMM SUSPICIOUS!
Spokesman: dude seriously
Spokesman: some services are just bad
Spokesman: dont look too into it
PigPinner: see this is why y'all need to get out more
Clydesdale: Thank goodness you're all okay!
Clydesdale: So how's life in the big city?
L-Train: Eh.
L-Train: I'll be honest, this place is more or less "Doomsville, USA"
Spokesman: is it worse than Flint?
WATCHTHESKIES: FLINT WAS AN INSIDE JOB!
PigPinner: neither the time nor the place for this you guys!
Spokesman: lol sorry
WATCHTHESKIES: YOU CANT SILENCE ME! I KNOW THE TRUTH!
Clydesdale: Zach, please, stop that or just chill for a few moments.
PigPinner: isn't it a hassle to keep texting in all caps?
Spokesman: nah i seen him do it
Spokesman: hes good at button mashing
Clydesdale: Lincoln? Are you there?
Spokesman: where he go?
PigPinner: bathroom?
WATCHTHESKIES: THEY GOT HIM! THEY GOT HIM AND THEYRE GONNA EXPERIMENT ON HIM!
Clydesdale: WHAT? WHO?
Spokesman: dang it man
L-Train: Sorry, got caught.
Clydesdale: WHAT?
L-Train: I got caught texting! I gotta go guys.
PigPinner: what? why?
Spokesman: oh man you still in class?
L-Train: No. I'm at the arcade with
Clydesdale: ...with who?
WATCHTHESKIES: ITS THE ALIENS! THE ALIENS GOT HIM!
PigPinner: there arent any aliens zach
Spokesman: did chainlinc ditch us again?
L-Train: SORRY GUYS SHES ANGRY
"L-Train" is now offline
Clydesdale: Oh no!
WATCHTHESKIES: I TOLD YOU THEY GOT HIM!
PigPinner: what in tarnation?
Spokesman: WAIT
Spokesman: SHE?
…
Lincoln looked down at his feet to see the back of his cell phone popped open and the battery of it out. Clumsy move on his part, he was texting so fast that it slipped out of his sweaty palms. The cause of his unease slowly walking up to him with a sour face on.
"Lincoln." Gaz uttered in a tone of stoic fury.
"Oh man, this is the end, I just know it!" the boy thought to himself.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Nothing! I swear!" the white-haired boy put his hands up before his face. Bracing himself.
The purple-haired girl reached down and picked up the phone, putting the battery back in. She handed it out to him, "You really need to get a case for this if you're gonna be clumsy."
The Loud boy paused for a moment, then just accepted the phone back, "Oh, yeah, I do. Thanks."
"Whatever. The pizza is here, come on." she turned around and started walking away.
Lincoln sighed with relief and looked aside, "You're probably thinking: 'Lincoln, what the heck was that?' well…" he positioned himself at the center of an arcade filled with kids and time itself came to a sudden stop, "...as you can see, Gaz Membrane is intense. What's more, she's unpredictable, and well...can be very dangerous…"
…
A montage of flashbacks commenced!
The first featured Lisa attempting to get a hair sample from Gaz while she was playing on her Game Slave 4 during Lunch at the Skool. Just as the tweezers barely touched her head, Gaz grabbed them and threw them into the jello of some large, weight-lifting kid who ate the metal instrument without a care in the world.
"Hmm...interesting. The children here seem accustomed to high levels of metal in their diets…" Lisa mused.
The second showcased Gaz and Lincoln walking down the sidewalk when Luan suddenly appeared with a water bazooka in her hands, "SURPRISE WATERWORKS!" she laughed.
Gaz grabbed the bazooka's nozzle, uttered a "No." and threw it on the ground out of Luan's hands where it broke and the water splashed on her instead of the duo.
Lincoln apologized as the two walked away from the wreckage.
Luan looked aside and shrugged with a smile, "Well, that was a wash."
The third telegraphed Lily waddling up to Gaz on the Loud house's living room couch playing on her Game Slave 4. The baby pointed at the gaming device and babbled a few things at the player.
"Not now, I'm almost at the boss." Gaz answered.
The toddler stopped pointing at it and climbed up onto the couch, scooching in at a respectable distance to watch.
Lincoln looked up at the scene, hoping Gaz would be nice to his baby sister.
Surprisingly, the purple haired girl accommodated by holding out the handheld system so Lily could watch a game where a red spaceship shot at hundreds of little blue ships while avoiding getting blown up. Soon enough, a giant crab showed up on screen that destroyed all the blue ships and started attacking the red ship. Gaz pushed buttons rapidly but the crab swiped a claw at the red ship, destroying it.
The Membrane gritted her teeth, "Dang it! That's the fifth time!"
Lily pointed at the gaming system again, and babbled something.
"You wanna try?" Gaz handed it over, "Go ahead."
Lincoln then spoke up, "Uh, Gaz, Lily is a baby, aren't you afraid she'll-"
"The Game Slave 4 was made to survive anything." the brash girl interrupted.
Lily cheered in excitement. Gaz's looked at the screen and her eyes shot open, "No way! I spent over an hour fighting that thing!"
The boy didn't say anything, he was just as astounded.
Lily giggled and handed the GS4 back to Gaz.
"...that's cool I guess." was all she had to say to that.
"LUCHA LIBRE!" Lynn yelled as she jumped at Gaz with a flying kick from the stairway in a Lucha Libre mask.
Gaz in turn grabbed Lynn's leg and threw her out an open window.
…
Back in the present, Lincoln was walking past a few arcade cabinets, he looked aside again, "As I said: intense, unpredictable, and dangerous. But there's a lot of things I like about her. She's super good at gaming, she hasn't asked me about my white hair, and so far she's more or less the only kid in this town that isn't...well, look."
The boy pointed at a handful of kids, one was banging his head against one of the cabinets. One kept talking in what could only be a language only made up with the words "Totally", "Like", "Duh", "Cool", and "Whatever." One just stood there staring blankly into space until he opened his mouth wide and what could only be described as an odd sort of foam started flowing out of his gaping maw.
Lincoln shrugged with his eyes half-lidded, "See what I mean? This town is crazy, noisy, and bizarre. I'm not even sure what the name of it is, and I'm not about to ask because well...that'd just be too awkward."
"More awkward than talking to yourself?" asked Gaz who suddenly appeared next to him.
Lincoln sighed as he was caught monologuing, "It's how I deal with stress, Gaz. Like all the stress that comes with living across the road from an alien."
"Don't worry about it, Dib does that too when he's under pressure."
The two sat down at the table being used by them along with Lana and, surprisingly, Lola. The twins sat next to each other across from the white-haired boy and purple-haired girl, and they smiled at the returning kids, "Having fun you two?" Lola asked.
"Yup!" Lincoln answered.
Gaz shrugged, she looked over at the pink-clad twin with the tiara. The pint-sized terror was giving a very unnerving smile. She then looked down at the pizza left at their table, the pie having been cut in eight slices, topped with what looked like breaded nuggets, "...what kind of pizza is this?"
The lone boy grabbed a slice, "Looks like my dad put some mac n cheese bites on it!"
"Wait Lincoln!" a gloved hand wrapped around the boy's arm, "Shouldn't your guest try it first?"
"Nah, it's cool." Gaz sat back, keeping an eye on the blonde.
Lincoln slowly put his slice down, "...Lola did you do something to the pizza?"
There was an audible gasp from the princess, "Lincoln, I'm surprised at you! How could you accuse me of any-"
The boy turned to the other twin, "Lana?"
The girl with the red cap shrugged with a grin, "Eh, I let Hops have the first taste already." there came a "ribbit" as a frog's head popped out of the pocket on Lana's overalls.
Gaz got up from her seat and grabbed the pizza, "Well, this is ruined." she picked up the pie and flung it at the wall where a horde of dirty children swarmed around it and then scattered after it was gone.
Lincoln groaned as he pinched his brow, "At least someone enjoyed our free pizza."
"Stop whining. We still got those tokens to use up." Gaz said as she turned and walked away from the table.
Lincoln got up soon after, "You guys sure you don't want to play some games? Dad said the tokens were for all of us."
Lola waved him off, "Oh no, go have fun with your friend Linky. Video games are beneath me."
Lana hopped in her seat a bit "I wanna play in the ball pit! They say it's never been washed!"
Lincoln recoiled in disgust, then readjusted himself, "Well, have fun you guys. And don't talk to strangers." The boy then went after Gaz.
Soon after he was out of earshot, Lola's smile twisted into a frown, "That girl is sharp, I'll give her that." she turned to her twin, "Why did you blab like that?"
Lana shrugged, "It's not like l told him you gave me the idea. Besides, I'm not good at lying like you."
Lola flipped her long hair, "It's called 'acting', Lana. Although that scary girl saw right through it..."
Lana started feeding Hops some crickets from a jar and munched on a handful herself, "So uh, what do we do now?"
"What do you think?" Lola got out of her seat, "We can't leave her alone with Lincoln for too long!"
Lana crunched on some more crickets and got out too, "I know! Lucy said she 'like-likes' him! That's so gross!"
"It is! So we're going to keep an eye on them to make sure she doesn't do anything to ruin Linky's innocence!"
"Yeah! Then we play in the ball pit!"
"No, we don't."
...
Meanwhile, just outside of Bloaty's Pizza Hog, a chubby boy with wild hair was on the phone, "Are you sure she's here?"
"Yes sir."
"All by herself?"
"Well, there is this boy with her. Some new kid in our class."
"Heh, probably just some casual. Don't worry about him."
"But sir, I think-"
"I don't pay you to think! Whoever he is doesn't matter! All that matters is that I get my REVENGE!" The boy started laughing maniacally and his eyes bulged out.
THE RETURN OF IGGINS!
TO BE CONTINUED...