Holidays: I figured with Christmas being right around the corner that I should take a break from working on my upcoming angsty as hell novel-length project to write out a lighthearted, goofy Christmas prompt. Happy holidays to all. :)

M warning: Steeps a fair bit toward the M-rating at the end with a pinch of smut. It's not a lot, but it's there.

Cast: This one's not as Kain/Light-centric as previous prompts and focuses a bit on some other characters, specifically the 012 ones (because the 012 characters have such a sweet, entertaining dynamic that's too endearing to resist writing about — they're a big, happy found family!), but the overall story does concern an aspect of Light and Kain's relationship, so I decided to post it as a prompt here.

TCTNP: AKA my upcoming project. A specific release date hasn't been set in stone, but I'm considering publishing it sometime during the next two weeks, so keep your eyes peeled if you're interested.

The sight of what Kain and Lightning do under the mistletoe that night shouldn't surprise him, but it does anyway.

XIV - Mistletoe

It's no secret that Laguna Loire loves Christmas. Counting out the unbearable 32 degrees or lower temperature that's present during December, there's nothing about it he detests. The snow, the giving of presents, the hot chocolate. Even the rambunctious kids that go scrambling onto all the fake Santas's laps in the malls, pulling onto their beards and ordering them to keep them off the naughty list.

Pulling the screen of his phone — his device set to record mode — closer to his gaze, he marvels at the decorative display that is Tifa's home. Every year for Christmas Eve, she always surprises him with the sheer quantity of decor she has. Ruby ribbons align pastel walls along with flaxen-gold bells. Across from him, a fireplace emits radiant flames, the stockings above it filled to the brim with all sorts of goodies.

The prettiest sight to behold, though? The gold-silver themed Christmas tree. Its ribbons glisten in endless starlight that streaks through a window. The star at the tippy top of it is embedded with intricate designs, golden and striking.

"Pretty, isn't it?" Tifa walks in front of the phone camera, leaning forward with her hands to her back as her snowflake earrings chime to her movements. "I went all out this year."

Laguna grins, feels his ugly sweater rustle against him when he readjusts the view of his phone. "You sure did. Hell, I'd say you always do."

Tifa whips out a bottle from behind her back — a very nice, very distinct bottle — that's got a bold word on the label that captures his eye, for both reasonable and wrong reasons. 'EGGNOG'.

"My gift to you," she says, waving it. "It can make you boozy. Just don't go overboard, okay? Don't want you getting hungover here. My house, my rules."

Laguna nods, and soon sweet, nourishing eggnog courses through his mouth and throat. He shifts the camera to focus on Kain and Lightning (how Tifa gets them to come every year, he has no clue). They're sitting together on a leather couch, clearly trying to look uninterested. But between Lightning's fleeting, occasionally wide-eyed stares and Kain's fiddling with his leather coat, Laguna knows the festive spirit is getting to them.

Tifa chuckles, looking at them. "You should see what's above them."

There's nothing to stop Laguna from heeding that advice. And when he does, he'd be spitting out his drink in laughter if he didn't remember how strict Tifa could be about keeping her house clean.

A mistletoe. Genius. Of course.

"It's only a matter of time until they kiss under it," Tifa says. "I mean, I know they're engaged and all, but seeing them do it in public? Hasn't happened yet. They're always so self-conscious. I wanted to get them out of their comfort zone a bit."

Unable to hold back his unsavory thoughts — probably because the booze is kicking in sooner than he thought it would — he laughs. "Not only by making them kiss under it, but well, you know… also by making them fuck under it. I won't be surprised if they have sex under it tonight."

Not hesitating, Tifa slaps him on the arm. Hard. Not as bad as Light does, but enough so that he regrets his words. "Laguna."

"Crap. My bad, ma'am."

He keeps the phone lens focused on them, decides to narrate the hardly-progressing events out when Tifa heads for the kitchen. "As you can see, the sexual tension keeps mounting, folks."

Lightning catches sight of him. Laguna can hear her trademark, quiet sigh. "If you don't turn that off, I'm going to kill you."

Undeterred, he zooms in closer on her scowling face. Sometimes, Light doesn't kid around with what she says, but he knows she'd never outright murder him. "Nah, Grinch numero uno. You both should just make out already. If you two leave without doing that, bad luck's gonna hit you both hard."

Kain speaks up this time. "Hmph. We'll only do so in your dreams, fool."

"Technically, Grinch numero dos, you do it all the time at home. And do… other things too. At least, that's what Vaan said."

Lightning puts a hand to her face, the fabric of her turtleneck sweater seemingly glowing from the light of the fireplace and Christmas tree. "You listen to that brat's rumors?"

"Not always. But considering you two are super-duper secretive and engaged? It's easy to buy what he says about you guys."

"Ah, Sir Laguna? Pardon me…"

It's a delicate, female voice that calls his name, along with soft hands that brush against one of his shoulders. He stirs to the sound of it, hears his own snoring come to a stop. Sight undarkening, he awakens to see Yuna's serene, calm face. Azure and emerald eyes look over him, precious and relaxing. Entwining silk-soft fingers around her ivory scarf, she plays a little with it.

"Pardon me," she repeats, smile thinning out. "Have you seen Light and Sir Kain? It's almost time to open the presents, and Tifa is busy sorting them out."

Glancing down at his wristwatch and noticing the phone on his lap, Laguna lets out a whistle. No matter how hard he tries not to fall asleep on Christmas Eve, it always happens at some point. It got boring watching those two's asexual-like tendencies play out, so he gave in to sleep even faster than usual.

He stands, pops whatever bones are straining him when he does. Searches for a very particular bottle and resists the urge to groan when he doesn't find it lying around on the floor or on a nearby table. Re-meeting her gaze, he smiles back.

"Why don't you help her sort out the gifts? I'll find 'em, sweetheart."

"Oh please, you needn't burden yourself."

Patting her on the shoulder, he winks. "Nah, it's fine. I've got a good idea of where they're at, anyway."

Yuna nods, tilting her head slightly. "Okay then. Good luck, Sir Laguna."

Vaan's running down the crème-colored hallway when Laguna enters it. Clearly, Laguna observes, the (weirdly) shirtless teenager's losing what remaining innocence he's got faster than Global Warming is taking over Earth.

Vaan's hands are on his mouth, his face coated with tinges of red when Laguna catches him by a shoulder.

Voice skittish with bizarre understanding yet firm with developing manhood, Vaan pipes up. "What?"

"Where did you see them, kiddo?"

Vaan aims his chin at one of the doors in the hallway's end. "Don't blame me if Light beats you to a pulp. Please."

Laguna nods, grins, lets him go and watches him run off before making his way to the door.

He knocks on the door, hopes they hear it over the blaring music they have playing in there. By some miracle, he and the others couldn't hear it from the living room. "Hey lovebirds, it's time to open presents."

No response. Crap. He had a feeling it would come to this…

Hopefully, it can't be that bad, right? At the very least, she won't kill him outright. And at the worst, he'll probably just suffer some stinging smacks, a brutal retort or two from Kain, and a leg cramp or two.

He turns the chilly knob, slowly and carefully opens the door.

It all really shouldn't surprise him as much as it does. But between the mess of sheets and clothing that's splayed all over the velvet double bed — Tifa's gonna be pissed — and the sight of his very precious bottle lying empty on the floor, as well as the endless moaning that's coming from them and the sight of a sheet that barely conceals their rhythmic, back-and-forth-motioning interplay — all the little things add up into one big shock. And when he sees a mistletoe hanging against the wall right above the bed's headboard, he nearly keels over.

As though the universe wants to torment him further, taking control of his life, he can't find it in himself to look away. So when a generous portion of Lightning's boob and the head of Kain's dick get uncovered by the sheets from their abrupt movements, there's nothing to stop his leg from acting up.

He holds his leg, bites back the torture that sears through it. And above all else, along with the realization that Lightning's got her hawk-sharp gaze set on him and that he definitely won't get out of this entirely unscathed, the unwelcome revelation dawns him. That he, Laguna Loire, predicted that these two would be screwing under the mistletoe tonight.