Hey guys! Hope you all had a great holiday! This was actually supposed to be posted Sunday but I had written it in my notebook and forgot to pack it when I went to Florida so I had to wait until I got back. Hope you guys enjoy it.
Jason and Ray entered Clay's room and each took a seat, quietly shooting the shit while Clay slept. They tried to let him sleep for as long as he needed, but when he started showing signs of another nightmare, they made the decision to wake him up before he got sucked too far into the dream. They carefully approached him and began gently trying to wake him up.
Safely waking someone up from a nightmare was both fortunately and unfortunately something that the entire team now exceled at. They all had nightmares from time to time.
It took some time, but Clay slowly started to come around, blinking away the blurriness and confusion until he remembered he was in the hospital and not still trapped in the jungle.
After taking a few deep, calming breaths, he looked at both Jason and Ray.
"You want to talk about it?" Jason asked as he and Ray returned to their seats.
Clay thought about it for a second, but then slowly shook his head no. He knew he probably should have said yes, but he had already slowly stated opening up to Blackburn earlier and in all honesty, he really wasn't ready to talk about it yet.
Jason and Ray both looked at each other, wondering how hard they were going to have to push to get Clay to open up without pushing too hard.
For now, though, they decided not to push. Instead they planned on just changing the subject.
To everyone's surprise, it was Clay who broke the silence. "I'm sorry." He paused. "I know I haven't been the best person to be around lately and that I need to get better about talking about what happened. I'm just not ready yet."
"Clay. Don't you ever apologize for that. What you went through, I couldn't even imagine. You'll open up when you're ready. Until then, we're gonna be right by your side, helping however we can." Jason told him, hoping he got his point across.
Clay nodded, once again trying and failing to hold back tears. "Have I mentioned how much I hate what a fucking emotional mess I've become?"
Ray chuckled a little then looked over to Jason. "You gonna tell him, or should I?"
Jason smiled and shook his head. He knew what Ray was thinking, he just hoped it wasn't too soon.
"When we first lost you, we were all a fucking wreck! It was to the point where we were all forced into therapy before they would let us return to work. This guy right here." Ray pointed to Jason. "He's still going, voluntarily."
Clays eyes shot over to Jason who just shrugged his shoulders. "Did he just say YOU, the macho Jason Hayes, is VOLUNTARILY seeing a therapist?"
Jason's smile grew and he nodded. "After everything that's happened over the last few years, I slipped into a really dark place that only got worse after we lost you. This therapist guy though, he's good. He's real good."
Clay offered a slight laugh. It was the first genuine one they've seen since he has been found. "Never in a million years did I think there would ever be a day where Jason Hayes would actually accept help."
"I'll tell you what, my only regret is that I didn't find this guy sooner." Jason confessed.
"How'd you find him?" Clay asked.
Ray busted out laughing before Jason was even able to answer. "Oh Spenser, you thought him going to therapy was good! Wait until you here this one!"
Jason rolled his eyes at Ray then looked back over to Clay. "Not too long after we lost you, our new commander hired a…"
"Wait, new commander? What happened to Harrington?" Clay interrupted.
"He retired, remember? Was talking about it for weeks before this mission." Jason reminded him. "Anyway, the new commander brought in a physiologist to help out the team. Long story short, she's the one that recommended this guy."
"And?" Ray pushed him to continue.
"And I'm sort of kinda dating her." Jason shrugged.
Clay's eyes grew along with his smile. "Therapy AND a girlfriend!? Jeez, what else have I missed?"
"A whole lot brother, but don't worry, we'll get you all filled in." Ray said.
Jason thought back to the whole reason he brought up the therapist in the first place. He hated ruining this moment. It was the first time since everything happened that Clay really seemed like himself and everything else was forgotten. He hated ruining that, but he was also trying to think of the long-term. "Alright, that's enough about my personal life for now. I really think you would like this guy and I'm sure he could help."
Clay's smile dropped instantly at the mention of him speaking to a therapist, but he reluctantly nodded his head. "I will, I'm just not ready yet." He hoped Jason would be ok with that.
"'l'll accept that." Jason replied. "I'll talk to him, maybe try to set something up for next week or the week after?"
Clay looked down at his shaking hands. Just the thought of talking about his time as a prisoner was enough to cause his hands to tremble, how the hell was he actually gonna be able to talk about it?
The apprehension and fear was written all over Clays face. "Hey, look at me. I know you don't want to do this and you're not ready to talk about it, but he'll start slow. The first few sessions won't even bring it up, you'll just be getting to know each other to build the trust."
Clay then looks up to Jason then over to Ray. "The quicker you get ahead of this thing, the quicker you can start moving forward."
He knew Ray had a point, but it was still one of those 'easier said than done' type of situations. For the sake of bringing this conversation to an end though, Clay agreed to it.
"I promise you'll like this guy. I don't know what it is about him, but he's different. In a good way." Jason added.
Ray looked down at his watch then over to Jason. Trent and Brock should be here any minute." He then looked over to Clay. "I think they were planning on stopping by the store to get that soup you liked."
"They don't have to do that. I'm not really all that hungry." Clay answered quietly.
Jason and Ray glanced at each other once again. Clay's appetite had been nearly non-existent for weeks and would have to keep the NG tube in place until it returned. "Well, it'll be here for when you're ready for it." They decided it was a battle for another day. They had already pushed with the therapist, pushing to get him to eat right now would just cause Clay to shut down.
Moments later, Brock and Trent showed up and both were pleasantly surprised to see Clay in a somewhat decent mood. Jason and Ray brought them up to speed on everything that went on throughout the day, starting with Blackburn and then said their goodbyes.
On the way down to the parking lot, Ray turned to Jason and said "I feel like he made a lot of progress today. It was nice to see a glimpse of the old Clay in there, like maybe he hasn't completely changed."
"It was definitely a good day. We just need to keep that progress going moving forward and hope there's not too many setbacks." Jason added.
"He'll be ok. We won't accept anything else. Hey, you and Natalie want to come for dinner? I think Naima was making a big thing of spaghetti."
"Oh man! That's tempting, but I think I'm gonna have to take a rain check though. I got somewhere I need to go, but we'll talk tomorrow. Tell Naima and the kids I said hi." Jason said as they parted ways and each headed to their own vehicles.
/
Jason pulled into the parking lot and then made his way up the stairs of the apartment complex. Once he made it to the apartment, he began knocking. He wasn't surprised when Lisa answered the doors. Her and Sonny had come out as a couple a few months back and ever since Clay was found, Lisa has been staying at Sonny's more often to help him deal with the guilt.
"Jason. Hey. Come on in." Lisa smiled as she opened the door more for him.
"Sonny home?" He asked.
"Yeah, he's just finishing up in the shower. Everything ok?" She asked. Jason didn't typically show up out of the blue.
"Uhh, actually yeah. Everything good. I just needed to talk to Sonny real quick. Figured I'd just stop by on my way home from the hospital.
Lisa winced a bit. She went to visit Clay two days ago on her way home from base and he was a lot moodier than usual. "How'd that go?" She almost regretting asking the second she asked.
Jason rubbed his chin and was about to answer when Sonny walked in wrapped in a towel. "Jace. Hey. What's up?"
"Just came by to talk to you. You got some time?"
"Yeah. Just give me a quick minute to throw some clothes on. "Sonny said as he disappeared back into the bedroom.
Seconds later he was dressed and back in the dining room where Jason and Lisa were at the table drinking a beer. Sonny grabbed a beer for himself and then joined them at the table.
"Should I go?" Lisa asked.
"Nah. You're good to stay if you want." Jason said.
Sonny was thankful. If Lisa could stay then that meant whatever Jason wanted to talk to him about wasn't going to be terrible.
"You been by to see Clay lately?" Jason asked.
Sonny took a swig of his beer then put it down on the table. "Jace. I can't… I can't see him like that. SO miserable and in pain, knowing it's because we thought he was dead."
"I get that. I do, but he was your best friend." Jason stated.
"He still is. Always will be." Sonny corrected him.
Jason nodded. "You know, if you would stop in from time to time, you'd know he was improving quite a bit."
Sonny perked up a little hearing that Clay was improving. "Improving how?" There're so many different ways he could be improving.
"Blackburn was with him this morning, said Clay finally asked the question we've all been dreading." Jason trailed off.
"How'd that go? Did he give him an answer?"
"He told him the truth, that we weren't even looking for him because we thought he was. You wanna know how he responded? He was understandable upset, but he was more relieved than anything that we weren't dead like Khmer tried to convince him.
Sonny let out a nervous laugh. "That sounds about right. Even laying in a hospital bed, he's worried about everyone else."
"That's not the only question he asked." Jason added as he and Sonny made eye contact.
Sonny nervously looked over to Lisa then back to Jason. "What else did he ask?"
"Well, he asked if Vic was the guy we replaced him with." Jason paused as Sonny began to fidget a little. "Then asked if you were ok because he's seen the new guy more than his best friend."
Sonny rubbed his face in his hands. "He's been so out of it. I didn't think he would even notice." Sonny admitted.
"He may have been drugged to the high heavens, but he still noticed things. I guess my question is, how are you going to fix this?"
Sonny once again made eye contact with Jason. "I'll go see him." His voice didn't sound so convincing.
Jason glared at Sonny until he spoke up again.
"I'll go first thing in the morning. I promise." Sonny added.
"I'll even go with him to make sure he actually does it." Lisa jumped in.
"No. I need to do this on my own. I mean you can come, but I need to talk to him one on one." Sonny replied quickly, glad to see the satisfied look on his boss's face.
He's been wanting to go visit Clay since they brought him back stateside, had even driven to the hospital a few times, but never made it out of his truck. He just couldn't stomach seeing Clay so physically and mentally broken knowing there was nothing he could do to help. Now that he knew that Clay knew the truth, he felt relieved that he wouldn't be the one who would have to tell him.
Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I'll try to get the next one posted shortly. Oh and Happy New Year!